by Linda Holmes

Tonight's intriguing Chuck (8:00 p.m., NBC) guest star: Christopher Lloyd. He's playing a CIA psychiatrist, and I see only good things coming from this.

Meanwhile, on How I Met Your Mother (8:00 p.m., CBS), the title is "Robots Vs. Wrestlers," and the guest stars include Peter Bogdanovich, Arianna Huffington, and Will Shortz. I don't know how that all comes together into one episode, but I'm looking forward to finding out.

After spending a few weeks at a more manageable 90 minutes, Dancing With The Stars (8:00 p.m., ABC) ramps back up to two entire hours as each couple has to dance twice. What will they do without Pamela Anderson?

I don't know why, but every Monday when I make up these listings, I am overwhelmed by the urge to yell, "Donald J. Trump's Faaaaaabulous World Of Golf!" Which is a real show, airing on the Golf Channel at 9:00 p.m., but that's no excuse.

Judy Greer comes to The Big Bang Theory (9:30 p.m., CBS) tonight, playing a physicist. Now I ask you: what is better than Judy Greer meeting up with Sheldon? Nothing, I tell you. Nothing.

The 10:00 p.m. slot offers you a choice between -- as always -- Nurse Jackie and The United States Of Tara on Showtime, and The Real Housewives Of New Jersey on Bravo. Just remember: you have to live with yourself.

by Linda Holmes

I'm not going to claim, in any way, that Lena Horne's most important work was on Sesame Street, or that it's what she should be most remembered for, or that it's her crowning achievement. But I do remember, even as a little kid, thinking she was the coolest lady ever. So I just thought I'd take a minute and recall that.

(Hat-tip to Stephanie V.W. Lucianovic for the reminder.)

by Linda Holmes

I saw this video as part of the pre-movie filler when I was out yesterday seeing no fewer than three movies, and as I mentioned on Twitter, it seemed rather ... surprising. It features one-time American Idol runner-up Katharine McPhee (who has since done some acting, including in the Anna Faris film The House Bunny) and Zachary Levi. Yes, Zachary Levi, from Chuck.

Now, it's not that it's bad. It's a perfectly nice pop song penned by American Idol judge Kara DioGuardi. It's utterly undistinguished, but it has a sort of a hooky love-song chorus, and ... you know, there's nothing wrong with it. And he does fine, though I'm not sure this strikes me a a song that needs to be a duet (though I understand that it was on McPhee's album to begin with, albeit with Jason Reeves).

But ... why is this happening? McPhee is working on an NBC pilot, and she was on Community, and Chuck is on NBC, but ... is it that simple? "Hey, NBC, we like working together; can I borrow that one guy?"

If so, I strongly advocate that she next try a duet of "I Got You, Babe" with Nick Offerman of Parks & Recreation.

Just a quick note: If all goes as planned, the blog will be out of commission this afternoon starting somewhere around 5:00 p.m., until somewhere around 11-ish tomorrow morning. The reason for this is a long-awaited tech upgrade (I don't want to give too many hints, but those who do not enjoy the "after the jump" line in the middle of every piece -- which includes me -- will love this particular tech upgrade).

I'll update you if anything changes, but for the most part, we'll finish out today normally, and then we'll be up and running sometime midday tomorrow. You can follow me on Twitter to make sure you stay up to date, and I'll let you know how it's going.

by Linda Holmes

• Unsurprisingly, the Betty White episode of Saturday Night Live brought in huge ratings, unmatched since one of the Fey-as-Palin episodes in November 2008.

• Also getting a massive response this weekend: Iron Man 2, which has already taken in more money than you can shake a giant red metal suit at.

• Newsweek recently ran a commentary in which the writer complained that gay men can very rarely portray straight men convincingly. His primary evidence was Sean Hayes, currently starring in Promises, Promises on Broadway opposite Kristin Chenoweth. It is safe to say that Kristin Chenoweth did not take kindly to the comments about Hayes, gay actors in general, or Jonathan Groff, currently on Glee. (I have to say, I shared the response of many who read the original Newsweek piece and thought, "Well, I either didn't ever know Jonathan Groff was gay or I completely forgot, so apparently, it didn't bother me too terribly much when I was watching him on Glee.")

Paul Rudd news, after the jump.

• Okay, Andy Rooney is just parodying himself, right? Right

• I'm not sure what to make of this cable "hot list," except that it apparently proves that at least where perception is concerned, TBS has already done itself a big favor by signing Conan O'Brien. Reality will be a different question.

by Linda Holmes

The first thing that must be said about Betty White's Internet-demanded appearance hosting Saturday Night Live is that it never had a chance of living up to the highest of hopes for it. It is, after all, still Saturday Night Live, where uneven writing reigns supreme.

But you have to give the show -- and White -- this: they certainly didn't prop her up there as host and then not do anything with her. They didn't tiptoe around her the way they sometimes do around sports figures and other hosts who make for good PR but can't actually do the work. They also didn't give her an age-adjusted schedule. No naps between contributions, just because she happens to be 88 years old.

On the contrary, White was in every single sketch. And she was on "Weekend Update," and she was at the center of the digital short.

Which was a relief. Because when it was announced that Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Molly Shannon, Rachel Dratch, Maya Rudolph and Ana Gasteyer -- basically the entire small army of SNL women that had completely changed the show's gender dynamics over the last 10 years -- would all appear, it seemed to raise the possibility that producers weren't sure White was up to a whole solo hosting job, and that she might be in just a few sketches.

That didn't happen. They didn't just put out a press release saying Betty White was hosting. They wrote a show with Betty White in it. A lot.

What went wrong, and what went right, after the jump.

But while the "Ha ha, that old lady said a bad word" bit gets old very easily (and did wear out its welcome by the time all was said and done), it should be said in fairness that this has always been part of Betty White's comic persona, even when she was much younger. Betty White has always done sweetness spiked with mischievous bawdiness -- it's part of what was so funny about her on The Mary Tyler Moore Show, and it's part of what made her delightful as a Match Game panelist. It does play more like "dirty grandma" material now, but it's also what Betty White does and always did.

The best example was the "Delicious Dish" sketch, in which Gasteyer and Shannon brought back their [cough] NPR cooking-show hosts, who always wind up wandering into some inadvertently filthy conversation about food.

In this week's segment, White played an octogenarian baker talking endlessly about her ... well, you can watch it for yourself. (Again, please be warned: It is officially clean, but unofficially filthy.)

Now, this segment would have been funny even before Betty White was 88 years old. In tone, if not in the specific jokes, it could have worked when she was Sue Ann Nivens.

(By the way, SNL: You'd never have two real radio hosts sit facing the same direction like that, so that they can't even see each other. And why are they looking into a camera? And why does it look like all of NPR is run out of a single suite in an office park? And the microphones don't even have the little spit protectors. And why are they handling their own phone calls? This is not a realistic depiction of radio production! Retraction! Retraction!)

Not everything worked as well. In some sketches, White's delivery saved what was basically a dumb idea -- consider this, in which Grandma is the only person in the family who knows why Gingey (Poehler) doesn't want to go to the dance:

Some of the material SNL's writers gave White didn't really do her justice, as everyone knew it wouldn't: Her Catskills-y monologue could have been better, and all the wigs and costumes and double-entendres hid some of her solid comedy fundamentals right up until the very last sketch of the show -- a low-key bit about the census, performed with Tina Fey, that was very strange and surprisingly funny.

But all in all, this was a good episode. It really was nice to see all those talented women back again, doing some of their signature characters (except for Molly Shannon's high-kicking 50-year-old, who could have stayed retired). No episode can be bad when Poehler and Fey join Seth Meyers for the "Really?" segment on "Update."

Was it great? No. Was it worth the Facebook petition? Certainly.

by Linda Holmes

The marvelous Friday Night Lights (8:00 p.m.) brings its fourth season to NBC tonight. There have been uneven moments over the life of the show, but the cast remains one of the best ensembles in television, and the end of last season, showing Coach Taylor headed off to East Dillon, presented tremendous new possibilities.

ABC runs these specials called Primetime: What Would You Do? (9:00 p.m.), and I have to admit, I find them completely fascinating. Like a serious version of Candid Camera, they record what happens when people are confronted with ethical (or sometimes etiquette) dilemmas. Tonight's is serious: What would you do if you saw an obviously highly intoxicated woman being taken advantage of in a bar?

It sounds like Gordon Ramsay will be shutting down the kitchen again on tonight's Kitchen Nightmares (9:00 p.m., Fox).

Looking ahead to Saturday, I think we know what the story is. The story is Saturday Night Live (11:29 p.m., NBC), with host Betty White and musical guest Jay-Z. Come on. You know you want to.

Sunday night brings the season finale of CBS's The Amazing Race (8:00 p.m.). Will it be the cowboys? The sort of whiny brothers? That girl who made the speech about "the Iraq" and how some people don't even have maps -- and her boyfriend? Tune in and find out.

Fans of Tom Selleck's work in CBS's series of Jesse Stone TV movies will note that he appears in another one on Sunday night at 9:00. It's called Jesse Stone: No Remorse. None. Not the slightest bit of remorse. That's what Jesse Stone has.

But if none of that appeals, there's always The Pacific (9:00 p.m., HBO), Treme (10:00 p.m., HBO), and Breaking Bad (10:00 p.m., AMC).

by Linda Holmes

• Brad Bird is confirmed as the choice to direct Mission Impossible 4. Yes, that's Brad Bird from Ratatouille and The Iron Giant and The Incredibles. Cool. (Hat-tip to Slashfilm.)

• This is an interesting development: it turns out Amazon won't come into your Kindle to fix a typo unless you ask them to. This is for your own good, they argue. (Hat-tip to Galleycat.)

• I wasn't kidding when I said there just wasn't a lot of big news this morning. I am left with things like this: Hey, there's a release date for the Planet Of The Apes prequel!

A TV cameo from the world of horror and more, after the jump.

• Iron Man 2 is already raking in the dough. Not a huge surprise there, particularly given that the week's other big release is Babies. I have heard that one is about babies.

• You can hurt yourself conducting an orchestra. You can seriously get a sports injury.

by Linda Holmes

It seems to be an exceptionally slow morning for roundup-style news, so we'll kick that can down the road a bit and start our day with the lovely Betty White, who appeared with Jimmy Fallon to chat about being Betty White in The Year Of Betty White. She's clearly highly amused by her sudden "hotness," but swears she's "scared to death" about doing Saturday Night Live this weekend.

Don't worry, Betty. We're all pulling for you.

by Linda Holmes

What? You've never seen radio people get down before?

Linda: I am experiencing whale fatigue.

Marc: You should probably switch to chicken, then.

Linda: YOU ARE NOT TAKING ME SERIOUSLY.

Marc: Oh, pish posh. You're more than halfway through!

Linda: When he told the really long story about what's-his-face the mutineer, and then there were like five chapters of "let me tell you how hard it is to depict a whale in a wood carving," I started to think, "Now I understand why people find this book a drag."

Marc: Yeah, this is the part I feel like you have to get through, rather than the part that carries you. Not so much the Town-Ho's story (must... be... adult...), which had the momentum of a solid (if digressive) narrative, but the "This will be the only book on whales that anyone will ever read, or have room on their shelves for" part. Which isn't over.

Linda: I just felt, with the story of the Town-Ho (hee hee), like I kind of ... got lost in the layers. "I will now tell you the story of the time I told the story of hearing a story that happened to other people, and in the middle of that story, I will, among other things, stop to explain several things, thus interrupting the story of telling the story of being told the story."

Marc: Yes, well. I think we can both agree that Melville isn't interested in leaving out details. I mean, the second paragraph of chapter 63, "The Crotch" ( remain... mature... ), begins "The crotch alluded to on a previous page deserves independent mention."

NO. It doesn't. It really, really doesn't.

Linda: As soon as they killed the whale, which is supposed to be this massively suspenseful event, I thought to myself, "All storytelling momentum will now be interrupted while we explore in great detail exactly what happens to the whale's corpse," and that is EXACTLY what occurred.

Marc: Think of all the questions you would have had if he had left that to your imagination.

Linda: I just ... the descriptions of the shape of the bites the sharks take from the whale's body, I realize that it makes me seem impatient and like a bad reader, and it is for that reason that I am confessing in the first place, but it makes me feel like I am drifting ever farther from the STORY PART of the story.

Which is still what I am most interested in.

Marc: Well, not to be too much of a spoiler, but I believe there comes a point where he pretty much exhausts every "Did you know...?" about whaling and ship life and so forth, and all he has left is the story.

Linda: I keep feeling like maybe that's why he continues, basically halfway through the book, to tell me, "I'm telling you all this because it will be relevant to my majestic tale, once I stop pantsing around and decide to tell it to you."

The struggle continues, after the jump.

Not to keep harping on this, but it would certainly be a lot easier to swallow (with or without baleen) without his "Everybody is stupid about whales but me" approach. In Chapter 55, he pretty much dismisses the concept of the narwhal out of hand as preposterous and believed only by uneducated morons who still believe in unicorns. And then he follows it up by mocking a scientist who's never been on a whaling ship and therefore clearly doesn't know sperm from spumoni.

Linda: I just ... I understand the appeal of the book. I do. I have enjoyed much of it. But there is this sense of ... first, Moby Dick is mentioned. Then you see a different whale. Then you meet people who have spotted Moby Dick. Then you get the red-herring squid. And there's part of me that, as Glen Weldon told me it would, is ready to get to the fireworks factory, already.

Marc: Boy, do I understand that.

On the other hand, there are definitely parts where Melville's writing really shines. Allow me, if I may, to direct your attention to this, from chapter 53:

"Because, in the case of pirates, say, I should like to know whether that profession of theirs has any peculiar glory about it. It sometimes ends in uncommon elevation, indeed; but only at the gallows. And besides, when a man is elevated in that odd fashion, he has no proper foundation for his superior altitude. Hence, I conclude, that in boasting himself to be high lifted above a whaleman, in that assertion the pirate has no solid basis to stand on."

As Tracy Jordan would say: Wordplay!

Linda: I know. I noticed that, too. And I'm not saying I hate it, I'm just saying that at the moment, I am struggling with it. I had to read the entire Town-Ho story twice, basically. I kept losing track amid the digressions.

Marc: But he preserved the style he told it in Lima! "For my humor's sake"!

Speaking of his humor, let's also look at the opening paragraph of chapter 57:

"On Tower-hill, as you go down to the London docks, you may have seen a crippled beggar (or kedger, as the sailors say) holding a painted board before him, representing the tragic scene in which he lost his leg. There are three whales and three boats; and one of the boats (presumed to contain the missing leg in all its original integrity) is being crunched by the jaws of the foremost whale. Any time these ten years, they tell me, has that man held up that picture, and exhibited that stump to an incredulous world. But the time of his justification has now come. His three whales are as good whales as were ever published in Wapping, at any rate; and his stump as unquestionable a stump as any you will find in the western clearings. But, though for ever mounted on that stump, never a stump-speech does the poor whaleman make; but, with downcast eyes, stands ruefully contemplating his own amputation."

Lotta jokes going on here. The image of the boat being crunched (and the assumption -- though not 100% definite -- that the "missing leg" is on it somewhere).

The fact that the whales are as good whales as have ever been published (in Wapping, anyway).

The fact that his stump is, boy howdy, definitely a stump. (Which is related in a manner that could almost be used on Black Adder : "His stump was as stumpy as an excessively stumpy stump.")

The terrible, terrible pun with "stump-speech."

I approve of it all. Even if it suggests that even Melvishmael is so bored by this stuff that he has to make his own fun.

Linda: I am not denying the fun of parts of it. I am saying that it was a very long story to ultimately amount to "the one guy was a jerk, so Steelkit was going to kill him, but then Moby Dick ate him first. The end."

Marc: "So we are able to be happy about his death without those pesky moral qualms about actively murdering him."

Linda: "In some way, this will be relevant to my terribly tragic tale that I am going to tell you sometime in the second half of this book although GOD ONLY KNOWS when I am going to get around to it, because I haven't even detailed the managing of the whale corpse yet beyond lashing it to the side of the boat WHICH I AM PRETTY SURE is not the last aspect of whale corpse management that I am going to explain."

Marc: In the meantime: pun ho!

Linda: What did you call me?

Marc: We are trying SO HARD to keep this conversation aboveboard, people. Truly, our standards have plummeted.

Linda: I just feel like I am a bad reader.

Marc: I suspect that you are not the first person to object to the pacing and tangential detail of this book.

Linda: I just ... I don't want to be the person who only likes breezy, contemporary fiction, and I don't think I am. But I am fighting whale fatigue, I cannot deny it.

Marc: No, I understand. And there are times when I'm right there with you. Without meaning to bait actually English professors and literary critics, I can say that from my point of view, Moby-Dick is a deeply flawed landmark (or masterpiece, if you're so inclined). I firmly believe that it is simply too much book not to be. (Which is not the same as being too long.) I took great, if not consistent, pleasure out of reading it the first time, and there are passages that I believe are among the greatest in the English language. And ever since I finished it, I've been proud to display it on my bookshelf as a trophy.

I don't think I ever would have read it again (in its entirety, anyway) if not for this book-club challenge.

Linda: Yeah, I'm just frustrated. Because I'm trying to be ... you know, give-things-a-chance person.

Marc: Next book-club challenge: Danielle Steele's Star!

(Note to readers: this is not the next book-club challenge.)

Linda: I am concerned about my whale-adjacent stamina.

Marc: Well, you've made it over the hump, so it should be smooth sailing from here on out.

Wordplay!

by Linda Holmes

The big news tonight, if you happen to be me (which I acknowledge you are not), is the lead hour of NBC comedy. Community (8:00 p.m.) has an episode called "Modern Warfare" that's a sendup of every action-movie cliche you've ever seen, while Parks & Recreation (8:30 p.m.) was written by Amy Poehler, and features retired basketball player Detlef Schrempf.

Last week's Survivor (8:00 p.m., CBS) saw the end of one of my least favorite players and her oft-blurred hind quarters -- can this week see the end of another?

It's been a rough season for The Office (9:00 p.m., NBC) in some respects, but tonight puts Dwight back in the role of investigator, and that's often a setup that pays at least some dividends. And on 30 Rock, a Mother's Day episode brings back Elaine Stritch, along with Jan Hooks, Patti LuPone, and others. That can't be bad.

On tonight's The Marriage Ref (10:00 p.m., NBC), you can take advice on your marriage from, among others, Gwyneth Paltrow, whose ridiculously self-indulgent self-help site Goop is among the Internet's favorite punching bags. Suffice it to say that when she says "Day after day, it stares up at you, challenging you in ways you never thought possible," she is talking about the need to make lunch for yourself. I AM COMPLETELY DEAD SERIOUS.

Tonight on The Mentalist (10:00 p.m., CBS), courtesy of our love of out-of-context episode description snippets: "Gun-wielding clown."

by Linda Holmes

• I have to say, not really understanding the decision to put Patrick Dempsey in Transformers 3. Not understanding it from any direction. Not understanding for whom that's a good idea. At all.

• Next in the e-book battles: books from Google.

• Interesting media-related data point, for what it's worth: Slate has apparently had a good quarter, revenue-wise.

After the jump: Connick kills on Idol and Antonio Banderas comes home.

• I just want to 100 percent cosign the comments of the always-sharp Lisa deMoraes at The Washington Post who notes here two very important facts: American Idol should cling to Harry Connick, Jr. like a lifeboat, and it should absolutely not under any circumstances enter into a long-term relationship with Jamie Foxx, who acted like a total jerk last time he was the mentor.

• And one more piece of movie news: Antonio Banderas is returning to the directorial arms of Pedro Almodovar.

by Linda Holmes

It's going to be hard to beat last week's all-sheep edition of America's Next Top Model (8:00 p.m., CW), but this week's edition is called "Hobbits vs. Models." So they're trying.

American Idol (9:00 p.m., Fox) will be sending somebody home, and quite possibly deciding the future of my Idol pool, as I mentioned yesterday.

New The Middle (8:30 p.m.), new Modern Family (9:00 p.m.), new Cougar Town (9:30 p.m.) on ABC. Comedy marches on, people.

On a new Mythbusters (9:00 p.m., Discovery), Adam does something annoying and Jamie kind of gets mad, and you can tell he's sort of serious, even though they act like he's mostly kidding. That's not a spoiler, and it's not even necessarily true, but if you're playing the percentages, that's the way to go.

As you know, sometimes I just like to give you a few words from the episode description without saying anything more. Tonight's description for CSI: NY (10:00 p.m., CBS) includes the words, "a slab of concrete starts bleeding."

Tonight's Top Chef Masters (10:00 p.m., Bravo) is called "Wedding Wars." Hopefully, this is not a literal statement, as the throwing of tiny quiches is discouraged.

by Neda Ulaby

Your podcast of NPR's best arts and culture stories starts this week with a trenchant analysis of Conan O'Brien's first major interview after that little kerfuffle with NBC earlier this year by Monkey See's very own Linda Holmes.

And speaking of payouts, hubris and cautionary tales, Enron: The Musical just opened on Broadway. Although a hit in England, producers are wary about how U.S. audiences might receive the tuneful stylings of such characters as Andrew Fastow and Jeffrey Skilling. In an interview with Catherine Keener, Her Huskiness dishes on both her liberal-guilt-themed new movie, Please Give, and the rambunctious comedy The 40 Year Old Virgin.

Uber-bestselling novelist Danielle Steel discusses Big Girl, her latest romance novel that features an overweight young woman. Steele's characters often struggle with issues like divorce and suicide, but this particular topic is brand new for the author of over eighty books.

Wes Moore has only written one book, but it's a doozy. Moore is an Oxford-educated Army veteran and rising business world star. His book, The Other Wes Moore: One Name And Two Fates, is about a low-level street criminal who shares his name. The book's gotten rave reviews for its searching, subtle insights -- Publisher's Weekly called it "a moving exploration of roads not taken."

Finally, we visit the boutique record label of rocker Jack White, of the White Stripes. He says it's part of an ongoing project of 'tricking people into buying music."

You can subscribe to the podcast here or listen below.