NPR: In This Together

My Cancer

In This Together

“Maybe I owe the most to those with whom I have conversations where cancer never comes up. That may be their greatest gift to me.”

A woman named Kathryn recently wrote in. She lost her partner, father and brother to cancer. And she said a couple of things that are well worth sharing. I've written before that I don't feel pressure to go climb Mt. Everest or anything like that. I just want to enjoy life — normal life — with its ups and downs. And the key to that is my friends. I can't thank them enough for all that they have done for me since I was diagnosed. And maybe I owe the most to those with whom I have conversations where cancer never comes up. That may be their greatest gift to me.

Kathryn and many others of you have come to realize the same thing. She wrote:

"I've also come to realize how much my enjoyment of leisure activities was really in the company I kept, not the activity itself."

I also want to thank all of my friends for being patient with me — they may not even realize they are. "How are you feeling?" "How about now?" "You still OK?" Those are the obvious questions. We get them a lot. There are really no other questions to ask. But sometimes that just gets so annoying. I get frustrated with them sometimes and I know that I show it, even though I try not to.

I have to stop and remind myself that those questions are the right ones and that they are asking out of genuine concern. Because they feel helpless. There's not a lot more they can do. And sometimes that desire and that need to help can be overpowering. Again, I want to quote Kathryn's e-mail and the message she wanted to send to all of us who have this disease:

"Please let your loved ones help you and don't feel guilty when they do. We cannot take away this disease, so let us do what we can to help enhance the quality of your lives, and by doing so, enhance ours."

So, to all of my friends and to all of you out there who are fighting this disease along with your loved ones, thank you. Like it or not, we're all in this together.

6:24 AM ET | 07-17-2006 | permalink

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Wow! I was deeply moved by Laurie's comments today. Thank you Leroy for sharing your entire story again. I start my chemo (I know I've said this before, hopefully this time it will really happen) Wednesday, July 19 and I am scared to death about the whole deal. I will be given a pump to wear 24/7 and two other poisons once every three weeks. It's truly hard to believe this is really happening to me again for the 4th time. Ten years I was cancer free (at least that's what I thought) and here I go again. My poor husband is scared to death for me, he wishes he could do the treatment for me. He is a wonderful human being, the very best of the best. I am so fortunate to have him by my side. I want to thank you to for sharing Kathryn's advice. My husband asks all the time, as well as my co-workers if there is anything that they can do for me. In my mind I dont want help yet, even though it is a real struggle sometimes to grocery shop, cook dinner, etc. but I think to myself, once I am on chemo, I probably won't be able to do all these things. That's when I will need the help — I'm saving these gifts til then. Leroy, thank you again so much for sharing your personal life with us and thank you Laurie too.

Sent by Ruth White | 11:29 AM ET | 07-17-2006

To Laurie Singer, Ruth White and other cancer patients, I just want to say that as a physician, albeit a veterinarian, I do not view the chemotherapy agents I use as poisons. They are weapons that we in medical fields use to attack some of the most aggressive diseases our patients face. I am a medical warrior, not a poisoner or dissembler for the terminally ill. I use every means at my disposal to help my patients live longer, but only in a good quality way. Sometimes my face may betray the emotions that surge within, but my goal is always to do more good than harm, knowing that in all cases...I will eventually lose.

Wanda Wyand, D.V.M.

Sent by Wanda Wyand, D.V.M. | 1:43 PM ET | 07-18-2006

Dear Leroy:

I've been diagnosed with breast cancer and a lumpectomy was done early this month. I will be starting chemo next month.

I have been reading your blog and I have wept every single time because I can feel and relate to what you are going through.

Please let me share an advice or warning, if you will, from my counselor on moral support: Be prepared when someone you expect to be there is not there. I didn't know until last night and guess what? You can never be prepared. I'm still reeling from the realization that this one person will not be there for me.

I still am thankful for the support from family and friends. It just sucks that the one support I was counting on cannot be relied upon.

Good luck and God bless!

Sent by Myrna | 10:11 AM ET | 07-31-2006

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Leroy Sievers speaks with Dr. Christos Georgiades. Credit: Tyrone Turner

A Ted Koppel documentary focuses on his friend Leroy Sievers' "My Cancer" blog and the response it evokes.

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A journalist for more than 25 years, Leroy Sievers worked at CBS News, the Discovery Channel, and ABC News, where he was the executive producer of Nightline. He wrote this blog daily until his death in August.

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