NPR: Living Life to the Fullest

My Cancer

Living Life to the Fullest

I want to thank all of you who have written in with your own stories, and with words of hope and encouragement. A couple of e-mails have stood out in my mind. There was one from a woman who lost her mother to cancer. She remembers that feeling of time — time slipping away, a time limit on life — that is so much a part of the world of cancer.

She said that she and her husband did something unique. They figured out how many weeks it would be until they turned 90. She ordered that number of marbles, and every week, she and her husband move one marble from a vase to a dish.

I have to admit that when I first read that, I thought it was a horrible idea. It was clock-watching taken to the extreme. Just counting down the days and weeks until you die. But then she said that the two of them take that moment as an opportunity to pause and ask if they have lived that week to the best of their abilities. They ask each other what they have done to enjoy that time together.

I think that's brilliant. We all say that we want to live life to the fullest, to make the most of every day we have. But that's not always easy to do. We can get lost in the rush of everyday life, work, schedules, appointments, and all the things that conspire to eat up our days. But this couple takes that one moment each week to stop, take a deep breath, and ask themselves how they have lived. To me, that's not morbid, that's a reaffirmation of life.

I wear a bracelet made up of beads. By coincidence, the number of beads is the same as the number of months that I have been given to live. As each month passes, I look at those beads, and now I'm going to ask myself the same question that woman posed? have I lived life to the best of my ability? Have I tried to make a difference? Have I tried to make this a better world?

I haven't figured out what I'm going to do with the bracelet when I pass that last month. Throw it in the ocean? Start the countdown over again? Get a new one? Or just laugh, take a deep breath, and enjoy that day, and the next one, and the one after that?

I don't feel like the clock is running out for me. The prognoses that doctors give you are notoriously vague. I'm pretty sure that the cancer is going to kill me at some point. But whenever that time comes, whether it's weeks or months or hopefully years, well, I hope that when I ask myself that question one last time: "Have I lived my life to the fullest?" I hope that my answer will be yes.

7:07 AM ET | 07-10-2006 | permalink

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Hi Leroy:

Back in 2000, as I was convalescing from abdominal surgery for an appendicitis diagnosis gone horribly wrong, I received your Nightline e-mail noting that you, too, had just returned from sick leave for abdominal surgery. Intrigued by the coincidence, I sent you a note to wish you well and asked a question about Nightline. To my surprise and delight, the big-time ABC news producer answered my e-mail. I am a writer so your acknowledgement of my e-mail was particularly pleasing. Of course, I was concerned to learn of your colon cancer at the time, a disease that would take my father just two years later.

I was shaken once again to hear of your cancer's recurrence, but somehow gratified. In the face of profound adversity, you really are every bit the articulate gentlemen you were in your notes to this Nightline viewer.

I have been following your blog and also recommended it to two friends who are battling cancer. I know you dismissed the courageous label but baring your soul to the public, so genuinely and selflessly, takes a special brand of courage and humility. Your candor about this awful, yet too common, disease is refreshing, inspiring and long overdue. I hope you will turn your writing into a book or multimedia series to help even more people than you have already.

I wish you comfort, love and peace as you continue your journey. Thank you for your past kindness and continuing inspiration. Godspeed!

P.S. I sent a note to ABCNews, asking for your e-mail address. Naturally, they told me they don't give out the e-mail addresses of their staff (surprise!) Has it occurred to them that you dont work there any more?!

Sent by Nancy Boomer | 1:51 PM ET | 07-10-2006

Hi Leroy—

About the bracelet...when you get to the last bead, just start another bracelet — adding a bead this time. This one is open-ended, right into infinity...

Blessed be.

Melinda

Sent by Melinda Downey | 3:06 PM ET | 07-10-2006

Several weeks ago a friend sent me a link to your comments. I have read them each day with wonderous amazement, for your words seemed to be flowing from me.

I was diagnosed with esophagheal cancer in January. Fortunately, I was able to get into MD Anderson at Houston, where I was accepted into a clinical trial using a French product that has reportedly produced good results in Europe, but which has not been approved here by the FDA. From the start, I was told my condition is "treatable, but not curable." These words were hard for me to understand, for I thought if it could be treated, it could be treated to extinction. Apparently not.

I travel about 650 miles to Houston every 2 weeks for a treatment. Following the treatments, I usually have one week that I don't feel very good, and then a week that I feel pretty normal. The side effects of the chemo are increasing, and the time is drawing near for me to make a decision about the future of the treatments. I am afraid. I think I would rather have my fingers and feet numb than to accept the chance that the cancer is growing again. No one seems to know how fast these things grow.

Sent by Scott McGaw | 10:44 AM ET | 07-11-2006

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Leroy Sievers

Blogger

Leroy Sievers in the Ted Koppel Documentary

Leroy Sievers speaks with Dr. Christos Georgiades. Credit: Tyrone Turner

A Ted Koppel documentary focuses on his friend Leroy Sievers' "My Cancer" blog and the response it evokes.

About 'My Cancer'

A journalist for more than 25 years, Leroy Sievers worked at CBS News, the Discovery Channel, and ABC News, where he was the executive producer of Nightline. He wrote this blog daily until his death in August.