A Skeleton Scan Comes Into View

 
“I just didn't fit in the bone scan tube. I can't imagine what they do if someone really big comes in. Where do football and basketball players go?”
 
 

Well, my brain scan was clean, and I got to see my skeleton today. Now I have to admit, that in all my years of writing, that's a sentence that I never thought I would write. Today was another scan day, MRI on the brain and a complete bone scan, that was a new one. And I learned a lot.

First, I learned that I am still too large for most hospital machines. I just didn't fit in the bone scan tube, they had to do a separate picture of my feet. I can't imagine what they do if someone really big comes in. Where do football and basketball players go?

But the doctor was kind enough to let me look at my skeleton. I had been badgering her about what the scans showed, and she was adamant that she couldn't tell me anything. That's drilled into all of them, and rightly so. But she did let me look, probably just to shut me up. It was pretty cool. I didn't really know what I was seeing, beyond the skeleton itself, it takes a trained professional to really read it. I did see the bright white spot on my spine though, that was obvious. There was the tumor.

There was one strange thing that happened. Another doctor came in while I was on the machine and said she wanted to go over my history. She had it all right, the original tumor, the brain tumor, the spread, and so on. And then she started talking about my bone pain and the problem with my left hip. I don't have a problem with my left hip. My first thought, of course, was now I do. But it turned out she was thinking about another patient, but that kind of thing scares you. It's hard not to think, maybe she was right?

The MRI's are old hat now. I do fit in that machine, although it's a little snug. You lie there and are bombarded by really strange sounds. Again, I tried to pump the radiologists, but they didn't give up a thing. I was expecting my doctor to call me on Monday with the results, and trying to tell myself it was no big deal, I could wait, but then I got a surprise call and an early read. The brain was clean. That's some of the first good news I've gotten in a while.

Oh yeah, the cold intolerance hasn't been so bad. I had ice cream last night. So all in all, not a bad day.

 

Comments (Send a comment)

Yes! I'm so glad to hear your good news, Leroy! I'll be driving to radiation this morning with a big smile on my face.

Sent by Doris | 12:12 PM ET | 08-14-2006

Dear Leroy-

I wrote to you on the 8th and wanted to share something from my "Cancer Journal". It may be difficult to read, as it is not a PolyAnna entry at all. But it is how I felt, how I wanted to lie down, and let the waves wash over me. You do have to let yourself feel these things, but not dwell there. Just thought you would like to see that even cancer patients are human too.

-Journal Excerpt- August, 2004

You?d be surprised where the mind can go when the hands are kept busy. It always used to be the other way around. My mind was a blender jammed on high, a swirling vortex of endless lists, worries, obligations, chores, I would often just freeze from being overwhelmed by it all, No, now my lists of worries are so small they can fit into the slender pages of a shirt pocket-sized day planner. I have cancer, and cancer slims down your calendar, shortens your to-do lists.

I have taken up crocheting again at forty-five. It soothes me. I love the touching all of the textures of the yarn, soft and beautiful, eyelashes of deer, the coats of fetal rabbits, saying the names of the colors under my breath, like whispering curses, or naming babies. I crochet in the evening, starting at dusk, working away into the night. Something about the undulating glissade of the passing day touches me deeply. I become infused with calmness when I watch the sun saunter into the west, finished with this corner of the earth for another day she moves from the sky like a faded red dress swinging softly around her hips, hanging her worn straw bonnet on a peg in the sky.

"We can start another round of chemo in a week. It will be very ,very aggressive,? says my oncologist.

"Jesus Christ on a bicycle!" I want to scream in his face.

Pitbulls are aggressive, gang members in Los Angeles are aggressive, cosmetic saleswomen are aggressive. I am tired of being aggressive.

Death grins maliciously at me like a haunted nymph canting his goat?s eyes at me from inside a funhouse mirror. It squats in my body lurid and foul, a living hungering thing that consumes all of the oxygen in the room, in my body. The angel of death is howling for me, mournful, low, full of heartsick longing. I feel my body tug, and I want to heed death?s siren song. I am so alone and dont which way to turn.

Sent by na Koder | 12:17 PM ET | 08-14-2006

Congratulations on the good news! That?s huge, and it calls for a celebration.

Sent by Maggie | 2:25 PM ET | 08-14-2006

Leroy, congratulations on your clean brain scan. Any good news is a gift that cannot be ignored. You have taken a little piece of yourself back from the cancer and that is a victory to be enjoyed. Keep fighting and enjoy your ice cream.

Sent by Courtney | 8:51 AM ET | 08-15-2006

WOO HOO! Good for you! I am happy for your news today. I hope it is the beginning of more good things.

Sent by Jread | 8:54 AM ET | 08-15-2006

Congratulations Leroy - what wonderful news. Another day of sunshine to warm and rainbows to heal.

Much love across the waves.

Sent by Lyn Smith | 8:56 AM ET | 08-15-2006

I am interested in this commentary. I am also a cancer patient.

Sent by Charlene Arcidiacono | 9:38 AM ET | 08-15-2006

You have so much courage to post your experience online. I don?t know you, but I am touched by your words! I love that you were able to have ice cream in celebration of your clean brain scan. I am sending positive thoughts your way!

Sent by Adrienne | 11:43 AM ET | 08-15-2006

Leroy, thanks for keeping us surviors up to date... this is a f——— big deal!

Always room for miracles- just for today!

Sent by Meredith P. | 11:44 AM ET | 08-15-2006

Dear Leroy, there is a St. Peregrine Center here in Omaha for cancer sufferers, at a convent where my girls went to school. (St. Peregrine is the Patron Saint for people undergoing cancer) I?m calling the nuns tomorrow to put your name on their list, to offer prayers of thanksgiving that the brain scan was clear and to petition God for a cure. My husband has been suffering from lyposarcoma for twelve years, and we?re still trying to overcome it.

Much love and thanks for your insightful essays.

Sent by Delaney Tarsney | 8:40 AM ET | 08-16-2006

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My Cancer will be updated Monday through Friday with posts and commentaries from Leroy Sievers. A journalist for more than 25 years, Leroy has worked at CBS News and ABC News, where he was the executive producer at Nightline. You can follow his story through this blog, his weekly podcast and his monthly series on Morning Edition.

 
 

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