NPR: It's All About Getting Started

My Cancer

It's All About Getting Started

It's Monday morning — never my favorite time or day. But this morning I took the last batch of pills for this chemo cycle. My week off has begun. Of course, as many of you know, a week off doesn't start immediately. It takes a while for the drugs to get out of your system, so you really only get a couple of days of feeling pretty good.

For me, mornings are the worst. I stopped eating breakfast (I know — that's a bad thing) about forty years ago. But you're supposed to take the pills with food, so I have had to start eating in the morning again. I try all sorts of different things: bagels, fruit, even cold pizza. But mornings are tough because that's when the nausea comes.

When I first started this, I would take my pills almost as soon as I got up. That's slipped a little. Now I read the paper, do a little work and then, when I realize it's getting late, go for the pills. I wonder if some of the nausea isn't psychological. I start to feel sick when I know that I'm about to take the drugs. Of course, the pills do make you sick, so I guess it doesn't really matter.

Libby wrote in the other day to say this:

I find grabbing a bunch of my favorite songs on CD or an MP3 player and singing along as loudly as I can gets me to a point to getting started with the day. And isn't it all about getting started?

As I said, I've never been a morning person. My staff at Nightline knew to give me a little room early on, at least until my huge iced mocha had kicked in. That hasn't changed a whole lot — it just takes a little more strength to get things moving.

But Libby is absolutely right. Not about the singing — at least not for me. I can't sing at all. It's one of my great disappointments, I'm pretty sure I'm tone deaf. But it's all about getting started. There's a whole new day ahead of us. More challenges, more triumphs, maybe a few defeats, but more life. And isn't that all that we can ask?

Leroy Sievers

6:44 AM ET | 08-21-2006 | permalink

Comments (Send a comment)

This is the scary week. About every eighth week, at the end of four treatments, I have to return to Houston for another CT scan and x-rays. So far, the treatment provided by the clinical trial is reported to be shrinking the tumors. I have been on this stuff for about seven months and I have been very lucky to have had minimal side affects. I don't have much feeling left in my hands or feet, but I guess that is precious little to pay. They tell me they think I will regain the feeling after the chemo ends, but they haven't said anything about when that might be.

It is a grind to go to Houston every two weeks, for it is about a 1,300 mile round trip. But then, I am thankful for the chance to go, for the outlook was not good when I was admitted to the clinical trial. The FDA has approved adding more people to the trial, but I guess they are having trouble finding candidates with metastatic esophagheal cancer who can travel to Houston. There is a pretty good chance they are on the trail of a cure for this incurable cancer, so if anyone knows of a patient, please have them contact MD Anderson at Houston.

Good luck Leroy. You continue to amaze me with the similarity of our feelings as we walk down this road together

Sent by Scott McGaw | 2:11 PM ET | 08-21-2006

Dear Leroy,

I've posted once or twice before and really enjoy your blog, espcially since I'm in a similar spot, pancreatic cancner "nothing they can do," etc. And not yet 40. Anyway, I really get what you're saying about the mornings. It's uncanny what I find when I read your stuff, since I feel I could have written some of it too. When I'm doing chemo and have oral chemo to take, I also get later and later about when I take it. Bloggin, emails, news, anything first it seems, though its often unconscious. I'm happy to see its not just me to do it. I'll think of you this Thursday when I'm drinking my coffee and waiting to take the xeloda! Cheers.

Sent by Scott Swaner | 4:20 PM ET | 08-22-2006

I was diagnosed with breast cancer back in December of 2004 when I was 26. Within a week, I decided on having a bilateral mastectomy and reconstruction surgery that used my lats (back) muscle because it gives the most natural results. Long story short, I had an unprecedented reaction to the surgery that has left my back in constant pain and spasms. I recovered somewhat and moved back to Washington, D.C., where I had been prior, struggling with all of the meds to work part-time and pretend like I felt good and to PT and all of the other appointments each week. In March of this year, a CT scan picked up something that they had been monitoring and ended up having a thoractomy (lung surgery) that went right through my back and has brought me back to square one in terms of pain and recovery (I swear I am getting to my question...). I want to know since everyone who is survivor lives each day to the fullest, then what am I, who is in pain everyday, often not getting out of bed at all? I am trying to get better but the doctors are mostly unsure as to what to with me, which is scary but I know things could be worse. I can't die from pain alone although sometimes I wish I could, which makes me feel more guilty and unappreciative. Am I a bad survivor? How do you live each day and be nice and normal to your friends and family when you feel like absolute crap all of the time?

Sent by Trisha | 5:57 PM ET | 08-22-2006

Carl Jung said "What you resist, persists"... and although I know that you know this, Leroy... have you considered that phrase as apt towards the disease in your body?

Resisting it may be keeping it present... whereas working with your body to cure itself and be healthy?

Think about the things you WANT... not what you don't want. You don't want cancer but everytime you say you are fighting cancer, there it is... present in your vocabulary and in your mind.

Perchance, in effect, you are making a hearth for this killer... in your lovely strong and otherwise completely capable body.

I know that a movie doesn't really help in the long run...after all, its just a movie, right?

But... I promise you that if you listen to this movie... feel the truth of it...and begin to live it in your life, you will see changes occurring. You will understand precisely what I am talking about!

This movie has flown up the Alexa Movers and Shakers chart until yesterday it hit #1! Please read some of the notes some people have sent in regarding how deeply it has affected them...

My love and my good wishes for your total recovery are with you!

Sent by Heidi Heyns | 5:15 PM ET | 08-28-2006

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Leroy Sievers

Blogger

Leroy Sievers in the Ted Koppel Documentary

Leroy Sievers speaks with Dr. Christos Georgiades. Credit: Tyrone Turner

A Ted Koppel documentary focuses on his friend Leroy Sievers' "My Cancer" blog and the response it evokes.

About 'My Cancer'

My Cancer will be updated Monday through Friday with posts and commentaries from Leroy Sievers. A journalist for more than 25 years, Leroy has worked at CBS News and ABC News, where he was the executive producer at Nightline. You can follow his story through this blog, his weekly podcast and his monthly series on Morning Edition.