Never liked that show (CSI) anyway. People who make such a statement "would like to have cancer so that he would have time. Time to say goodbye..." don't realize how painful it is for the loved ones to watch us suffer and how painful it is for us to watch our loved ones to know that we may not be around much longer.

Sent by Raymond | 1:33 PM ET | 10-12-2006

I have advanced prostate cancer and am an MD.

A poll of Hospice Nurses in Seattle asked, If you had a choice of how to die what would it be? 80 percent said cancer because: (1) your health is pretty good right up to the end (2) it usualy does not cause dementia (3) you have time to take care of business.

Sent by Liam Kennedy | 1:37 PM ET | 10-12-2006

I agree, I'd much rather my mother not have cancer. Period. However, what her diagnosis has taught me is that I needed to treat all people in such a way that I would not have things unsaid if any of them happened to never cross my path again. My mother and I certainly haven't said good-bye, but I know that if something did happen to her that she and I are both fully confirmed in our love for one another. Possibly even larger than this, however, is that I have improved my relationship with my father (or, perhaps, we have improved our relationship). Im really grateful for that, and Im not sure it would have happened otherwise.

Perhaps they should differentiate between dying and time to prepare, which can be done at anytime in ones life if one is willing.

Sent by Mara | 1:41 PM ET | 10-12-2006

One of the things I did the last five years before I was diagnosed was travel. I had not had the opportunity to do much before this but considering I have a full time job I did a pretty good job seeing China, Thailand, Egypt, Rome, Paris, London, etc. One of the first things my son said after the diagnosis (with that same six months prognosis) was "have you thought about quitting your job and just traveling." That never crossed my mind. I found that the things I loved were right here — work, friends and family. Although I have been fortunate enough in the last 16 months to take a couple of trips and have one coming up to Greece, travel is not my main focus. It is a way of saying I'm not giving up yet.

If I had quit 16 months ago I would be in pretty bad shape financially by now. We just try to live our lives the best we can while we fight for more time.

Last Christmas I was really into not getting "things". I kept thinking whatever I receive someone else is going to have to deal with at some point. People did a great job of giving me gift certificates for restaurants, bookstores, movies, even nail salons. As time has progressed I am less obsessed at the thought of others dealing with "things." There will come a time for that again I suspect but wouldn't two years of farewells get a little old?

Sent by Dona | 1:46 PM ET | 10-12-2006

As a cancer patient, I can candidly say that I do not spend my time ruminating about my imminent death. However, cancer has given me a very deserving jolt, forcing me to realize with a newfound clarity all the people and things I am grateful to have in my life. It's unfortunate that it took cancer to give that to me, but Im grateful, nonetheless.

Living with cancer is just that — living your life, not preparing to die.

In the end, regardless of how one perishes, there will always be things left unsaid. Life does not come to us in a nice, pretty package and accordingly, neither does death.

Sent by Michael Everett | 1:55 PM ET | 10-12-2006

I agree, deliberately setting out to visit and say good-bye to friends is wrong. It seems such a negative way to cope with any illness. I have a suggestion that could be a positive way to cope with any illness.

Some years ago I listened to a storyteller at the end of her story comment on the effect of modern lifestyles on oral and written family histories. Journals and letters were no longer commonplace. So, I gave my grandmother a journal and about 50 questions to prompt her to write about the family.

She wasn?t sick at the time and I'd not thought about the journal in years. When she passed away and the journal was found it became a treasure to our whole extended family. We share stories from the journal every Christmas and someone takes it for the year to add their own stories and recollections of family members and events.

Maybe everyone could take this time to start a similar journal for their family. After all death is inevitable cancer patient or not, sooner or later we all leave our family and friends. Why not leave a good story behind?

Sent by Joan Marie | 1:56 PM ET | 10-12-2006

Because I have cancer, I think I am more aware of living life and not the end of life. Of course I have tied up my loose ends with wills, power of attorney and songs for my funeral, BUT I am done with that and am looking forward to living what time I have left. Unlike CSI, I do not think having cancer is the best way to die — I'd rather be hit by a bus. I think without cancer, people are blissfully unaware of how true their mortality actually is. I'd rather be unaware.

Sent by Michele C. Ramseier | 1:58 PM ET | 10-12-2006

While CSI is a great show, it is after all just a television show.

I think this shows something more important, and it is something that I finally had to admit to myself.

Having cancer changes your life instantly. That comment would have just seemed cliche before your diagnosis, now your reaction is different.

But don't sweat it, it is just a show.

Sent by Brit | 1:59 PM ET | 10-12-2006

I do find myself sorting, giving away things and just generally getting ready. I've even thought about cleaning my attic. (Drastic measure after 28 years and four kids in one house.)

I think the difference might be whether one is a fight or flight person. I imagine a fighter, which you sound like, Leroy, wouldn't be as likely to prepare because they are busy fighting. I am a flighter, so to speak. I know it won't be all neat and tidy like some daytime drama, but I do want to feel like I have things squared away and reconciled. Maybe it's the Girl Scout in me, trying to be prepared.

Sent by Stephanie | 2:01 PM ET | 10-12-2006

If you are familiar with betting, Las Vegas usually sets a total amount of points the two teams will score (a combined total) basically based on the averages that the two teams have scored in the past. You can either bet the over or the under. As you point out, the estimates of how long we have left are simply averages. I always tell my Rx "Bet the Over."

Sent by Tom Clarke | 2:03 PM ET | 10-12-2006

Hey, Leroy,

The longer I've lived (56 years so far), the more I've come to realize that death isn't a simple facing up to the end of life. Before I had cancer, seeing how family and friends dealt with their own deaths showed me how it isn't like having an on/off switch (unless you're a warped Dr. Kavorkian). All life is a process. I have stage IV melanoma — no cure known, inoperable, treatments don't so that I can continue breathing and not be in pain. My husband reminds me to take each day at a time and never was that more true. Some friends and family pass it off with "Oh, there'll be something out there you'll be fine." I want to poke them in the ribs and laugh, "But I was never fine!" They're having a hard time dealing with the fact I may not live to see 57, but I can't live their lives for them. As I said earlier in another comment, my one and only hope is in my Risen Lord, Jesus Christ. With Him I have peace and because he experienced everything known to us mortals, I'm His companion through life and death. There is absolutely nothing I can do to save myself, whether I die today or five years from. Thanks so much for your words each weekday! You always hit the nail on the head.

Sent by Eunice | 2:05 PM ET | 10-12-2006

My son sent me your blog while I was at work (I am a nurse at a children's hospital). I am too, a cancer survivor and work with cancer patients and their families as a career. It is like you opened my mind and took all my thoughts out and put it on paper. Everything I have been feeling, you are feeling, too. It has been a tough time. But, I as you, have learned so much. I especially agree with today's post. Dying doesn't scare me... I just don't want to do it right now!

I have done some "giving away of things" or at least letting those I love know that there are certain things of mine that I want them to have. I have seen people say nothing about important items that belong to them and after they die, family and friends go nuts trying to figure out who "gets what". I have seen families split over these decisions. Sad, but true. And yes, let's talk about this situation. I have found that no one wants to talk to me about my cancer, however, it is okay and expected for me to talk to everyone else about their challenges. I am like the Head Resident when it comes to cancer for everyone else — but help me through my hard times — well, that is an off limits subject. Thank you for your blog. Consider me a daily reader. I will keep you in my thoughts.

Sent by Diane Deaton-Vean | 3:59 PM ET | 10-12-2006

Granted, it would be wonderful to live a life blissfully ignorant of a possible soon end to it. There was a time that, pending some test results, I thought I might have cancer for those few days my mind was incapable of thinking of anything else and my depression and anxiety levels were very high. And, yes, many days can be wasted in the coming to terms stage of a prognoses but I feel like a disease that gives a person and his or her family time to accept the fate of death is better. Unless a person is elderly and has lived out his or her life, so their children and grandchildren will already be expecting the end to come in the near future and have taken care of what they need/want to. But for a person whose life is not yet complete, the effect of their death to the loved ones they?ve left behind can be absolutely devastating. For the person who dies, they don?t have years left of living in sorrow wishing they had spent more time with or told something to the one they lost. My brother died of cancer 9 years ago, I was only 11 at the time, and I so regret not making a point to have a sort of heartfelt conversation with him, letting him know how much he meant to me but instead I went on as if nothing were wrong and I?ve been upset with myself ever since.

Sent by Shannon | 4:20 PM ET | 10-12-2006

Every once and awhile when talking about something serious I will say, "Well, I am dying." My beloved John will stop everything and walk over and hug me. He will smile and look me directly in the eye and say "but not today."

Sent by Cherie Brown | 4:55 PM ET | 10-13-2006

First of all I don't have cancer so my opinions are based on what if rather than on my situation... But I read about Art Buchwald, who in February 2006 decided to forgo kidney dialysis and checked himself into hospice. After several months without dialysis and with some improvement in his medical condition, he returned to his house. While in hospice, he let it be known he was dying, so his friends and family changed their lives to visit with him more often and to have more meaningful conversations with him. Even though Mr. Buchwald does not have cancer, he was told he would soon die and changed his life to reach out and embrace those he loves. With this case as an example, I see the possibility of meaningful time spent with loved ones rather than them sharing their love and best wishes at my funeral. It need not be done in a depressing or negative way but as a celebration of the good there is to be shared with loved ones.

Sent by Leslie | 5:00 PM ET | 10-13-2006

I don't have cancer, but I lost my Mom to Stage IV Lung Cancer over a year ago. My husband lost his father to a heart-attack. Many times weve compared notes. Ive said over and over "I know we were supposed to have time to say things..."

But we didn't. We were in fight mode. When you are in fight mode, you don't say the things because you hope that you won't have to for a while.

Her decline was very fast. When it started we had a house full of relatives. My Mom said things to them... by the time they left, she was so far gone that she couldn't say things to me.

And that hurts every single day.

People who haven't lived it or seen it closely just dont know... They don't know how agonizing it is. Or that it can change a person cognitively. Or that you are too busy caring, and living, and getting through it to say those things.

Anyway — this post struck a chord with me. Thank you.

Sent by Val R. | 11:36 AM ET | 10-16-2006

We just recently buried my son's best friend and second son to me. He was 18 years-old and killed in an automobile accident. This beautiful young boy, sat by my side for hours when I was going through chemo, talking to me about things my own son couldn't. I was just absolutely certain that he would one day be attending my funeral and helping my son cope with it. It didn't happen that way. Mike didn't get a chance to say goodbye. He was taken suddenly and without warning. At the funeral, the one thing everyone kept saying is that they wish they could have told him goodbye, told him how much they loved him, given him a hug. His mother and he had argued before he left that night. The pain being felt by his family and friends is overwhelming. The need for closure is so important for the ones left behind, they are the ones that will do the suffering. I now realize that I am indeed the lucky one. I will have the chance to tell my loved ones goodbye, tell them how much I love them, give them a chance to tell me how much they will miss me. Hopefully this will comfort them and make my passing easier. I don't think that I am going to die anytime soon but when the time comes, it comforts me to know that I won't leave my family and friends in shock. I have always said that I would rather be hit by a bus than die of cancer. Well, after this week... I think I have changed my mind.

Sent by Sherry G. | 12:57 PM ET | 10-16-2006