AMEN!

Sent by Karen | 4:47 AM ET | 11-08-2006

Here, here. I applaud you for challenging the belief that someone could possibly be or do something to deserve being sentenced to a terminal illness. It is this kind of bigotry that deprives many AIDS patients from the compassion and understanding they truly deserve. And to go to an extreme, Hitler also believed some people didn't deserve to live. Whether the statement is thoughtless and insensitive, or truly aimed at valuing some people more than others, I wont let it go unchallenged.

Thank you, Leroy, for your courage and integrity.

Sent by Barbara Settel | 4:49 AM ET | 11-08-2006

No one deserves cancer, but some take their health for granted, drink, eat the typical American diet, and don't exercise. Add in environmental factors, toxic chemicals we use or are exposed too, pesticides, etc..., and the immune system just can't handle it.

Even some of your lotions and shampoos can have carcinogens. We can do all the right things, but something's are out of our control. Everyday is a blessing, even the bad ones.

Sent by Laura | 4:50 AM ET | 11-08-2006

Amen, Leroy. None of us did anything to deserve cancer. I would be willing, however, to bet that most people who are diagnosed with cancer have the fleeting (I hope) thought "am I being punished for something?" I know I did before I had time to think things through and realize that it just doesn't work that way. If it did no children would ever get cancer.

Sent by Sondra Scott | 4:52 AM ET | 11-08-2006

Maybe I'm being REALLY sensitive, but I think the rest of the statement was cruel, too. If I die of cancer, does this mean I wasn't a good person, or didn't fight hard enough? I'm so tired of insensitive talk that blames the patient for getting cancer or dying of it.

Sent by Paula Howry | 4:58 AM ET | 11-08-2006

First of all I'd like to reiterate Leroy's first sentiment... Get out and VOTE! I just so happen to have gone through the same type of cancer and treatment as Farrah Fawcett. When I heard it finally come out that she had anal cancer I thought... I understand the desire to call it 'colo-rectal' instead because every time I say it I keep thinking about the first time I learned the planets and how the whole class giggled when the teacher said Uranus. And if I do decide to tell someone the real deal the reactions range from "Oh! I didn?t know you could get cancer there" (from a health professional) to "Ouch" (from a funny friend) and let's face it most of us think anything related to our butt is funny until you have to share it with an entire medical community and the world.

I also thought, maybe now that someone famous has this type of cancer we may see new fundraisers for research and new ribbons to wear. Although, I can?t imagine what color they would pick. I seriously didn't start writing this to be coy or funny, but there you have it. Cancer and the treatment to get rid of it didn't take my humor with it... thank goodness! I just celebrated a year clean last week. And what I really wanted to share with you is something I came across as my anxiety was building before my two rectal examines (it's a teaching hospital so everyone gets a turn. I swear, I'm done now).

What I came across was a single line of text from St. Pio and it said "Remain calm, because the illness was a little gift given to you by Jesus." I have been distanced from the religion of my childhood for sometime, however as I open my heart and mind I am being nudged to take a look again as there is a message for me. This is just about my story, not a call for anyone else. To say someone does or does not deserve a tragic happening is absolutely short sided and gives the impression that it is something we have control over. Should someone not as wonderful as Farrah gotten it instead... like me? We are all just human and are all subject to the joy and the agony that is intrinsic to this life. How and when? We don't have a crystal ball, nor should we. I believe that if suffering is just for the sake of suffering it is a waste. If it is used as a means to bring about a philosophical change in thinking that stands to bring us closer to our humanity and the inevitability of death for all of us, how can we not feel on some level that it is a gift? None of us deserve it. But for reasons yet known, maybe we needed it. I don't have any epiphanies here. I'm just trying to figure it out like many of us and I know it makes more sense when I look with my heart and not so much my head. Leroy, you are a great example of this very thing by choosing to open up and share for the sake of yourself and others. You are a gift given to me to understand because we share this together. My thoughts and prayers are with you each and every day.

Sent by Missy | 11:25 AM ET | 11-09-2006

I agree with you Leroy 100 percent. The other thing I take offense with is when people say this is a wake up call, when you narrowly escape from something dreaded. Like wake up from what? I've mentioned this to you once before and I'll mention it again. The first thing people say when you or someone else is diagnosed with cancer is "did he/she smoke?" This ticks me off. Smoke or not no one deserves cancer. If they say yes to smoking then they deserved it, if no, then it's unfortunate. I just went for my last diagnostic test last Thursday before scheduling my major surgery. I had a laparoscopy because on the most recent PET scan another place showed up, this time in my stomach. The doctors thought that that the cancer had spread and wanted to be sure before they could do the esophageal surgery. The test showed NO CANCER in the stomach, it was a false alarm. I must have done something right to deserve this outcome, just kidding. Just wanted to point out how stupid this way of thinking is. Take care Leroy.

Sent by Ruth White | 11:29 AM ET | 11-09-2006

When you have lung cancer, as I do, half or more of the people who hear it ask you if you were a smoker. Perhaps some ask to avoid having to feel your cancer is so painfully unfair, if you did smoke. It would be nice if the question "How are you doing?" came before the smoker question.

Sent by Allen | 11:33 AM ET | 11-09-2006

You're right. No one deserves or earns the right to have cancer. Plus, if we question the "why me" for bad things, then we should also look at the "why me" for good things and lucky things. Life has good and bad elements. But I don't know how closely we examine these thoughts until we are faced with something potentially fatal, like cancer or some other nasty disease. That guy sounds like a bit of an unenlightened idiot.

Sent by Magie | 11:50 AM ET | 11-09-2006

It's amazing that 28 years after Sontag's Illness as Metaphor was published, people still make such insensitive comments. Whether that was what the man meant or not, that kind of language places a mystique around disease.

Sent by Kristin | 11:53 AM ET | 11-09-2006

Thank you for writing and repeating that none of us did anything to deserve cancer!! In conversations with people before I was diagnosed, I remember people inferring that someone's cancer was justified. Today, I would step up and correct that fallacy right away (and I am hoping like crazy that I corrected them back then). Maybe the idea that someone must have done something that invited cancer in is why no one ever publicly mentioned having cancer in years past.

And I am so very glad I am still around on this Election Day so I could go vote!

Sent by Teresa Hartman | 11:54 AM ET | 11-09-2006

Leroy — I'm thinking that maybe that person didn't mean this in a bad way, although I can see why one could take it that way.

Bad things happen to good people. Much of it is just the luck of the draw. You've written in the past about some of the horrific things you've seen around the world, things happening to people who in no way deserve them — famine, caught up in wars, genocide, disease, earthquakes and floods, and grinding poverty for example.

I don't think I did anything to deserve lymphoma, but I had it all the same. I also can hardly express how grateful I am to have survived it so far. I've always chosen to focus on my gratitude for surviving rather than looking at any "what did I do to deserve this" or "why me" self pity or anything like that. It is enough for me to have lived through it.

Keep on blogging.

Sent by Art Ritter | 12:10 PM ET | 11-09-2006

I think the phrase, "What did she (Farah) do to deserve this?" is a reflection of the nutritionist and medical researchers who tell people that if we all ate perfectly and exercised perfectly and had pollution-free lands with organic vegetables... there would be no cancer.

I think the message some people get is that we DID do something or something was done to us to give us cancer. I don't know, after the results from the Women's Health Study, maybe cancer just happens occasionally.

I'm a 42 year old diagnosed with stage one rectal cancer who eats well (I'm a dietitian), exercises, maintains a good body weight — doing all those things "right" so this wouldn't happen. Well, it did anyway.

Sent by Margaret Bartholomew | 12:12 PM ET | 11-09-2006

I can imagine that life for cancerous patients must be very difficult. Yet, it is also difficult for those around the cancer patients. Think about all the nurses and doctors that try to do everything in their ability to improve the patient's condition and health. Also, what about the family members or friends of the cancerous patients? I myself have experienced the death of my great-aunt due to blood cancer and in less than a week, her husband then died from depression.

I know that my great-aunt didn't deserve to die the way she did, as I had loved her very much, but maybe it was just her time of day. She has become an inspiration to why I would like to study medicine, to cure the impossible and save lives. I hope that one day, I may find the cure for many diseases, maybe even yours, but I know that I will never find the cure to life.

Sent by Sarah | 12:14 PM ET | 11-09-2006

First of all, I commend you again, Leroy, for uniting all of us faithful readers and all people living in the cancer twilight zone with us. What you write and the comments of your readers have sustained me and encouraged me and brought me to the tears and laughter that only come with recognition.

Secondly, in response to your blog today, I want to echo your sentiments. Well-meaning folks tell me all the time "you don't deserve this." I agree, I say, no one deserves this, but dukkha exists and as much as I hate it, I'm not going to miss the opportunity to learn something from it! They also say, "I don't know how you do it." To that my new analogy is the one you presented the other day that is so spot on. "Did any of us think about how we were going to do it after Sept. 11?" Nope, we just muddled through, gaining confidence, wisdom, faith, knowledge, and solidarity, even if we never quite regained our sense of security.

Thirdly, I have to admit that although I don't think anyone "deserves" cancer, I find myself being more judgmental than I would like to be when I see people lighting up cigarettes or sacrificing their skin to the sun. Oh, if only there was something I could have done or NOT have done that would have kept me from getting breast cancer!

And finally, I want to say that during the past week, including on Monday, I have had a brain MRI and a bone scan (still in the waiting-for-results netherworld) and both times I told myself that I was in communion with all the other cancer patients who have been writing in to your blog and that in more ways than one I was not alone. Now it seems possible that you and I were having a brain scan at the same time... hope yours turns out well and your brain is unremarkable!

God bless us all!

Sent by DBC | 12:20 PM ET | 11-09-2006

I think it's just an example of inexact phrasing. I think what is meant is, "Isn't this just completely unfair?" Which, of itself, could be construed to reveal assumptions about how life should be fair, about the course of it being planned or governed by a supreme being, etc. Maybe, to paraphrase Family Guy, you're thinking there's a message in your Alpha-Bits, saying, "Ooo," but its really just a bowl of Cheerios. Sometimes you have to be careful not to read too much in.

Sent by James Munroe | 12:48 PM ET | 11-09-2006

The reality is that most people do not care about the pain and suffering of those in pain and trouble. We may try to be polite and ignore this fact, but its the truth and it is the nature of human being.

Today, I told a couple of my "friends" about my disease (because they asked) and after about 10 seconds they changed the subject as if I told them about my dog being diagnosed with a disease. Now I really regret ever telling them about this.

The reality is that most people are cruel or just don't care.

This comment is probably not sweet enough to be posted, but I thought I express my opinion, anyway.

Sent by Raymond | 3:28 PM ET | 11-09-2006

I found the Environmental Working Group to be a great organization, and their website to explain my uncontrollable risk for cancer, how the FDA isn't doing their job, and how naive I was. The tumor in my breast has taught me to peel my apples, watch the plastics around me, and to look up all my personal care items at Skin Deep, for their ratings of carcinogens. We live in a toxic world. Even an innocent apple is loaded with toxic pesticides. Do your due diligence, and protect yourself from a recurrence. At least give it your best shot!

Sent by Laura | 3:34 PM ET | 11-09-2006

Amen! I agree absolutely with you, Leroy, and with the folks who sent in comments. We still haven't gotten over that "blame the victim" mentality, and it's really hard to be on the receiving end. No one deserves cancer; no one dies because they weren't good enough or didn't fight "hard enough." I, too, on down days, sometimes wonder what I did "wrong" (or what I haven't done "right"!) — I think that is just part of the struggle, when we are feeling weak and sad. And its ok to have those feelings, even while we know somewhere deep inside us that no one is to blame. Blessings on all of you as we continue to try to live with this illness.

Sent by Kathleen | 4:23 PM ET | 11-09-2006

Leroy: I do not know what to say besides no one deserves cancer. It not only affects the ones we love, but it also affects the family and loved ones who have to push on and show true love with someone?s pain and anguish. If I can only wish to ever be as brave as you and others dealing with cancer. My three daughters are the world to me and to know I have limited time, or some would say a death sentence, I would be very... well scared to death. How would I react? Would I be able to carry on, or would I just keep thinking of my remaining time left? I do not know. The only thing I can say is I will be praying for you and others in your condition. Life cannot be taken for granted, even though most of us do. We do not think of our health or life, until it is threatened.

Sent by Danny | 4:30 PM ET | 11-09-2006

Have you ever noticed how it gets so much coverage when a celebrity gets cancer? That just galls me. Aren't we all people, maybe some just more fortunate or unfortunate than others? What about my husband who has been battling metastatic colon cancer for four years? It didn't make the headlines but what an impact it made in our lives. We haven't been on Oprah with our story, nor appealed to any other source for help or even empathy. I guess I sound bitter and maybe I got just a little right too. My husband is my life and what can I do for him now? We don't have the means that celebrities do to fight this disease or to even make our loved ones as comfortable as you would like for them to be. Neither do the celebrities have to worry about the financial aspects of fighting this unfortunate situation. True no one deserves this but some do get special favors that help them through the ordeal. Sorry to rant, I've been holding this in for some time.

Sent by Janice | 5:04 PM ET | 11-09-2006

Leroy, I'm really sorry about your cancer but as with many diseases (AIDS, Diabetes, Hepatitis, etc.) there are some cases that have definite PREVENTABLE causes. The most obvious cancer link is the one between lung cancer and smoking. Unless you live in a cave, to expect that you will NOT get lung cancer if you choose to smoke is a lot like Russian roulette. For people to not take reasonable responsibility for their own health is to put all the responsibility (and expense) on the rest of us. That isn't fair. We should be spending our resources on people like you who still appear to be struck at RANDOM by bad luck or whatever genetic mutation that we haven't yet identified — not on prolonging the lives of those who chose to take no responsibility for controlling their own risk factors. This will look politically incorrect but unfortunately the facts are the facts. Some diseases are preventable and some are not. Good luck on your fight.

Sent by S. Carrier | 5:40 PM ET | 11-09-2006

Leroy,

I read your comments often and rarely disagree. I think there is a difference between the value judgment of "deserving" something and "responsible for" As a smoker of 30 years who gave it up only to get lung cancer 10 years later, I am occasionally reminded of this difference by family and friends. It is hard to take offense when I made a poor choice.

Sent by Warren Otto | 5:43 PM ET | 11-09-2006

At the age of sixteen I have already lost six members of my family to cancer. These people weren't in back alleys killing kittens, or doing drugs. They weren't the people you see on the news who violate children, or make racist remarks. The members of my family who I lost to cancer did not do anything to deserve their illness, and I agree that the writer of that article should be extremely embarrassed by the insult they have caused to the thousands and thousands of people in the most difficult fight of their life right now.

Recently my mom won the battle against thyroid and ovarian cancer, which was obtained through bad cells, not bad karma.

Sent by Alice | 2:18 PM ET | 11-10-2006

I read this entry with a little chuckle, I am a physician and one of the first "rules" we learned in med school is the worst diseases happen to the nicest people. It is not true of course but at times it would seem to be and probably attests to the simple fact that most doctors like most patients. The rule did attest to the basic notion learned early on that there was no rhyme or reason to illness, accidents and tragedies, they simply happen.

Sent by James Hayashi | 11:07 AM ET | 11-16-2006

I am up late tonight because I am having a breast lumpectomy tomorrow morning for ductal carcinoma to be followed by radiation and I can't fall asleep. I am reading everything about cancer which is something I have done everyday for the last month since my biopsy. I have a long list of loved who I have watched perish to advanced cancer. Each one was to a different part of the body. All of them were the kindest people you could ever meet. Some where smokers with lung cancer. I always hear people ask "was he/she a smoker?" Don't be offended. Because I don't smoke, I think it comforts me to know I have one less cancer risk. I am at risk for thyroid cancer, that my mother died from and my sister was treated for. Both were wholesome non smokers. My brother was treated for prostate cancer, another non smoker. Now I have early breast cancer. Maybe I will get another cancer from the radiation treatment.

Anyway, I asked my friend why did she think I would get this cancer since I do not do anything in excess. She feels that I have an enormous amount of stress in my life. 3 kids, job problems, financial difficulties, caring for 2 terminally ill parents who are now departed. Not exactly paradise.

In defense of smokers, most of my friends were smokers growing up and I noticed that alot of them were quite kind people. Many smokers tend to be very sociable and hard working. They would offer their cigarettes to me so they wouldn't smoke alone. A kind gesture I feel. Many smokers are hard working and smoke for the lift it gives to complete the job they are performing. That it why it is hard for me to criticise smokers even though I am not one. And the smell of smoke never bothered me. I bugs me when self righteous people scold smokers for smoking outdoors!! Give me a break, we spend so much time in our cars with pollution far worse. But why do people smoke? Because the stress of their lives and they is why they are getting cancer from it.

One of the main risks for women developing the breast cancer that I have is not having children or having them after age 30. Doesn't it seem ridiculous to have a kid at 20 just to avoid breast cancer. So maybe I deserve cancer for waiting to have kids.

Finally, I would like to say that none of us are really healthy. We are not living in a utopian paradise abounding with great health. Our food is not the best, the air is polluted and many do not have time to exercise and alot of us don't even enjoy exercising and look at it as a chore. I have an early cancer that is very treatable I hear. I appear quite healthy at the moment. Does that mean I will be even healthier after surgery and radiation? Not really. I will always be on watch for recurring cancer. However, I do think there is great value in mediation and improving one's habits and learning to manage overwhelming problems. That is the closest we can probably get to paradise in our lives today. Anyway, I had better stop before I ramble. I still cannot sleep!!

PS There are some really great meditation cds out there. They are great for everyone (sick and healthy). I plan on listening to them regularly the help improve my mood. There are always going to be cruel people out there making insensitive remarks about other people illnesses. However, we have to develop immunity from them. Hey, maybe THEY are causing the cancer!!!!!

One more thing if you don't think I'm rambling like crazy by now. One kind, concerned friend asked me the other day "Does your doctor think you are going to die?" and I broke out laughing. I said, "Of course she does, everyone is going to die". I hope I wasn't being mean to my friend. I guess I just handle things by joking sometimes. But it's true. We are all going to die, just not too soon we hope!! GOD BLESS

Sent by Leenie T. | 3:38 AM ET | 05-10-2007

Leenie,

I just read your comments; you are very insightful and have a great out look on life.

I hope your treatment goes well.

God Bless you in a speedy and full recovery.

Sent by Lori D. | 10:53 AM ET | 05-31-2007