I went to a Christmas party with my book group last night. It's a group of women, so the talk is about everything. We laughed a lot. But one of the women had a best friend just die after surviving ovarian cancer for six years. One of my best friends died this time last year of stomach cancer. We think about them and we are sad. Gathering with friends is healing. Laughing and crying is OK. We mourn our losses and appreciate what we have. Have a good time at the party. And don't drink and drive! Merry Christmas Leroy.

Sent by Ann | 9:59 AM ET | 12-15-2006

You are taking the right approach, Leroy. Enjoy the party. I have known many cancer survivors whose families really didn't want to listen. Support groups are the only place, outside of a few family members or very good friends, who really want to hear the details. The past is over, the future is not here yet, just enjoy the NOW. Party on!

Sent by Don Winslow | 10:41 AM ET | 12-15-2006

Oooh Leroy... I so agree with your thoughts! There have been "moments" at times like this that I actually have "allowed" myself to pretend I am cancer free just for the sake of feeling "normal"... and when I make that clear conscious choice I feel so EMPOWERED. You will do what is right for you this weekend — I am confident of that! Enjoy your party and visit with friends. Cancer sucks, but don't let it control you! YOU ARE STRONGER THAN THAT!!!

Sent by Marianne Dalton | 10:53 AM ET | 12-15-2006

Do your friends know about your blog? You could just let your blog talk for you. Have a VERY Merry Christmas, Leroy.

Sent by Nancy K. Clark | 11:34 AM ET | 12-15-2006

One of the wisest things anyone said to me during the course of my treatment for breast cancer was: "It's your cancer — you can have it any way you want to." And that means choosing how much you want to tell people about your health. I think sometimes it's actually sort of liberating to just smile and say, "All things considered, I'm doing OK," and just leave it at that, without any further explanation or detail. It's like taking a brief vacation from the weight of cancer on your soul.

Sent by Gretchen Hoag | 12:03 PM ET | 12-15-2006

Leroy, I faced a similar dilemma this past weekend at a large Christmas party, which has been a tradition for me to attend. It was a good night for me so it wasn't hard for me to say "I feel pretty good tonight." "I'm glad to be here with so many good friends."

I had one person (not a close friend who was clearly intoxicated) who got me in a corner and badgered me to tell him how I really was doing. I knew this was a bad time for him because he had lost his wife to cancer a couple of years ago. So my response to him was: "Thank you for being concerned. I feel pretty good tonight so I don't want to talk about this anymore. Let's mingle with everyone and have a good time." That did the trick. I was able to leave the party with one more memory of a wonderful time with friends instead of a feeling that it may be my last Christmas with them. I know its a cliche, but enjoy yourself and live in the moment!

Sent by Cindy Beatty | 4:10 PM ET | 12-15-2006

Sounds like you are getting lots of good advice. I find that my responses depend on where my head is at the moment. When I am troubled by what is going on, I tell more details. When I can accept what is going on, I am much more confident about saying "I'm fine" and really meaning it! Then I ask a question on a very different topic, sending the message, "Let's change the topic." Other times, I'm willing to talk about it. But then, that is what I do here.

Sent by Stephanie Dornbrook | 4:17 PM ET | 12-15-2006

Dear Leroy:

I remember so well the fatigue that came from repeating myself over and over to well-intentioned questioners. I felt I could never get away from "my story" and I desperately wanted to not always be reminded that I was being treated for cancer.

I remember getting genuinely angry when an acquaintance, well-meaning, asked how my family was dealing with it. I told her I wanted to talk about something else and then got away from her as fast as I could. She had stepped over a line that only I knew existed.

Though I didn't have the wisdom then, today I would answer an inquiry as you plan to, such as "I'm doing pretty good," but then immediately throw them a question, such as "What are your plans for the holidays?" My goal would be to nicely put them on the spot to carry the conversation ball until one of us moved on to the next person.

Enjoy your weekend, and, once again, that you for your candidness and wisdom.

Sent by Harriet H. Liss | 4:21 PM ET | 12-15-2006

I really like the idea of planning what to say. I don't have cancer, but do have a chronic illness that is rather visible. People ask me about it, and I must admit at first that I told everybody everything. Well it was fascinating to me. It was taking up my time and I found the information rare and interesting. Great conversation, right? Sometimes yes, sometimes no.

Better to think to yourself, "What are my goals in going to this party?" Make a game plan and stick close to it.

What a great idea.

Sent by Carol Lindsay | 4:24 PM ET | 12-15-2006

I want to say thanks for all you are doing for all of us. I first heard you on NPR a few days after I found out that I had cancer... and I keep on checking in with you and thinking of you and wishing you well.

Sent by Tara Kuppinger | 5:25 PM ET | 12-15-2006

Leroy,

I understand you not wanting to talk about it at the party, and I thought that some of the people who made suggestions above had some good ideas about how to field personal questions.

However, if even one person at the party already knows that you have cancer — either because you told them, or because of reading your blog, or however else they may know of it — I wonder if you are going to be able to keep it a secret, since it might come to the attention of others at the party through this one (or more) people who are aware of it.

I don't know that this will occur however, you might want to be prepared for this, just in case it happens. Just a thought.

Sent by Greg Sheryl | 11:20 AM ET | 12-18-2006

I have been living with cancer since November 1999. In social settings I don't talk about my ever-present "friend." If someone who knows about my illness asks, I say Im feeling very well, thank you, and I change the subject. If I'm talking to someone who knows nothing of my cancer journey, I say nothing and it never comes up. I refuse to let cancer rule my life ... or spoil a good party.

Sent by K. Shapiro | 11:22 AM ET | 12-18-2006

Dear Leroy,

I am a veteran survivor (over 16 years of on-again off-again treatments, currently receiving maintenance treatments). After struggling with the "How are you?" question in social situations, and after thinking, talking and writing about it, I found resolution. I shared the insights that helped me in an essay published in CURE magazine.

I hope you find the essay useful. Thank you for the generosity of sharing your survivorship journey with others, teaching people about the hardships and joys of unwanted illness.

Sent by Wendy S. Harpham | 11:25 AM ET | 12-18-2006

Thank you my friend, for sharing your story. It has given me hope and courage to cope with my husband's brain tumor. As soon as I feel overwhelmed, I start reflecting on how there are so many heartwarming people out there and then I don't feel so alone. Once again, thanks for being you.

Sent by Gail Hunsberger | 11:28 AM ET | 12-18-2006

Leroy,

My step mom battled colon cancer for some time and really wanted those social opportunities to forget about the cancer just like some of us what to forget about our work week since it is the weekend.

She would tell folks that "Tonight is a cancer free night. I am feeling great and festive. What a party! I am really looking forward to hearing what is happening for you, Leroy."

Sent by Melissa Thompson | 1:43 PM ET | 12-20-2006