We'll all be pulling for you tomorrow.

Sent by M.J. | 11:00 AM ET | 01-25-2007

Leroy, Keep on copin'!

Sent by Nancy K. Clark | 11:01 AM ET | 01-25-2007

Leroy,

Thinking of you today as you have your procedure. Our family is praying for you.

Again your blog entry weaves with complex threads the life of a cancer patient with pure honesty and reflection.

More is in my heart, but I am certain it has been said already.

Sent by Melissa T. | 11:04 AM ET | 01-25-2007

Hi Leroy,

Our mind is a wondrous thing isn't it? It has a great capacity to hold two opposing thoughts, but ultimately we have to decide what to spend our mental time concentrating on. Choosing our thoughts so to speak. Otherwise, we would be left with this "multi-polarized" viewpoint and not much peace or reality at all. I don't hear resignation in your posts, as some have commented. I hear a sense of realism and optimism.

Everything changes... everyday. Optimism is about hope for a future none of us know of. Realism is about seeing the current circumstances of your life today. Keeping these two non-opposing, actually complimentary views as a basis for living (because today we are LIVING) allows us in so many ways to accept and delight in what is right in front of us... and know that it is enough. There is nothing wrong or bad about accepting either that death is a part of our journey. I like the phrase "none of us get out of this alive". It makes me keep certain things in mind everyday. Like if I'm feeling good today.... I will feel good and apply that to my day with gratitude in what I'm able to do. If I'm feeling not so great and it limits my experiences today, then I dig down and find gratitude in what is there, even if it I don't like it much.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings, Leroy and allowing all of us to approach this disease and really just life with a reality and optimism that makes the journey worthwhile. Love and Peace.

Sent by Missy | 11:45 AM ET | 01-25-2007

Hi Leroy,

I really relate to your desire to control your thoughts about the future... I'm always trying to hedge my bets.

I was thinking this morning about how rather than coping, it might be better to think of ourselves as gathering, as in gathering the good and beautiful things about life into our minds and memories. When we are healthy we can be hunters, out in the world striving and seeking. We also gather at those times... but being ill means staying home. It doesn't mean we stop gathering the good stuff. I love the additional meaning of gather as coming to know something. That's really what life feels like to me the older I get. At my best, I am consciously gathering the good stuff of today, the cloudless and blue sunny sky, the dimple on my daughters elbow, the breath I can bring in and let go.

Sent by Crow | 11:47 AM ET | 01-25-2007

One thing you said that really puzzles me is "I'm not going to be a 'survivor.'" But you are a "survivor." Although you have been through many treatments, worries, fears, disappointments and the list goes on, you are still part of the community and that makes you a "survivor." Don't ever think otherwise. I say buy that ticket, take that ride and when the adventure is over, it could show some very positive results for you and everyone else that are wanting in line for the same ticket.

Sent by Roger C. | 11:49 AM ET | 01-25-2007

Love that SPIRIT!! My belief is that once cancer is part of who you are, you can never go back to the old life. You are forever in new life now. You're painting on a new canvas now with colors you've never seen before! It is sometimes great, sometimes exasperating, but it is what it is, no place to go but forward. I am exuberant today because I had my last radiation treatment, finished 7 months of chemo/rads. I will toast a glass of something to all of us "copers" this evening after work, with special thoughts for Leroy and your Friday procedure. Love and prayers to all.

Sent by Sherri Eggleston | 11:51 AM ET | 01-25-2007

I've been reading your posts since the day you started the blog. Your posts and comments from others have allowed me to reflect on my experience six years ago with caring for and the loss of two family members from cancer. Thank you. Good luck tomorrow.

Sent by Chrystyna | 11:58 AM ET | 01-25-2007

Leroy,

This note is for your tumors: Die Suckers!

I continue to pray for you and I hope things go well tomorrow. Thank you again for the blog.

Sent by Geoff | 12:02 PM ET | 01-25-2007

Leroy:

I know how you feel. We are afraid to think of the possibility of being cancer free and will always look over out shoulder even when the medical record indicates that we are "clean." I just received the good news from a "clean" PET Scan. I look forward to the future with my young children but will always "live" in the present given that it could come back at any time. That being said, I believe that you have a good shot at conquering the present tumors. If you can get rid of them then you may be able to look forward to the day that you get up without chemo and another "procedure." Being able to live in the present without the endless chemo and procedures is certainly something to look forward to. You are in our prayers. I am looking forward to your good future.

Sent by Joni Cather | 1:24 PM ET | 01-25-2007

Good luck tomorrow, Leroy!!!

Sent by Rhonda | 1:26 PM ET | 01-25-2007

Leroy,

Why live in suspended animation waiting for an uncertain tomorrow? You have today. Live today. Dream, plan and do until the doctors tell you to go sit in a chair.

I have stage IV cancer. I am a "planner.. I continue to plan. Crazy as it seems, I have plans for five years from now. I'm going to live, work, play and plan until the hospice folks pull me off my horse and hook up the oxygen.

Reality is, the disease will catch up, but I'm not there yet and neither are you. Can you really afford not to dream?

Sent by Karen | 1:27 PM ET | 01-25-2007

Leroy, We'll all be with you tomorrow in spirit. What time is your procedure? All of our prayers will reach you at the time of your procedure.

Sent by Ruth White | 2:57 PM ET | 01-25-2007

Leroy, I'm thinking good positive thoughts for you and the procedure you will undergo on Friday. I hope the Radio Frequency Ablation rocks!!

Sent by Jill Jamieson | 3:14 PM ET | 01-25-2007

Leroy,

Do you think it is possible to be a realist and hold onto your dreams and plans? I know of a woman, an avid gardener, who knew for sure she wouldn't see the flowers in the spring, but put those bulbs in anyway. Maybe there is something to be said for doing what you like and enjoy doing and damn the torpedos! Much luck tomorrow and when you can use a keyboard, let us know how you got along. You have quite an extended family out here, you know.

Sent by Diana Kitch | 5:01 PM ET | 01-25-2007

Dear Leroy,

My sister reads your blog everyday. And I want to tell you that you are a daily source of hope and inspiration to her. She had her 4th chemo session this past Monday and got sick this time for only about half a day. The next one (with taxol) is supposedly less toxic than these have been, so her course of treatments appears to be getting a little easier.

She and I talk every day and more often than not, she tells me about what you've said that day on your blog. The amazing thing about her is how she feels what you are going through — I mean truly feels it, as if you were her brother. She wept when you got some bad news not too long ago, and she was elated when you told your readers that you were having this new treatment done. The amazing thing about you (which I hope you know) is how much your honesty and the beautifully written personal thoughts you share buoy the spirits and hopes of those you share your world with. I can only imagine the extreme range of emotions you experience each time you learn the results of another test, hear about a new treatment, read survival statistics. Your experience and your willingness to share it are gifts. Good luck tomorrow, dear man.

Sent by Penelope Kellar | 5:10 PM ET | 01-25-2007

Leroy:

I've always looked at the following continuum: victim - survivor - thriver. I want to thrive and be fully alive in my spirit no matter what is happening with my body.

I hold you in my prayers. May you be supported by angel wings tomorrow.

Sent by Janet | 8:21 PM ET | 01-25-2007

Know how to make God laugh — make plans!

Saw that the other day and said that sure describes our life for the last several years.

Hang in there Leroy and our prayers are with you tomorrow.

Sent by Chuck | 8:22 PM ET | 01-25-2007

Dear Leroy, I've been reading along and feeling the roller coaster ride. I agree whole-heartedly with your view that you are on an adventure that is taking you to places you never dreamed of (or wanted to travel to). But it's your adventure and you might as well see what it brings. Having shared closely in the cancer adventure of my husband who struggled valiantly, but unsuccessfully, against the darkness, I know it that this ride teaches some powerful lessons.

You hold in your blog and your attitude the means to shout out your optimistic plans and dreams, to share that style of living, to bring others into your viewpoint, and to write as you clearly love to do! As you uncover your path, you will share it with us and I thank you for that.

I learned some important pieces of my life in the hospital hallways and rooms. To love without regret. To decide without looking back. To see the future and hope as one. To carry smiles and memories delicately inside of my heart. And to fight the odds. To see statistics as applying to everyone but me because as one person, the majority does not necessarily include me. Enjoy the ride and keep bringing us along. Much love and hope for you on Friday.

Sent by Cindy | 8:26 PM ET | 01-25-2007

Dear Leroy,

I periodically check in with you after having heard your story one morning as I drove to work. I am fortunate to be a 13 plus year survivor, for lack of a better word, but I take nothing for granted anymore. Living with cancer is like living with a shadow. It's always there. Have you noticed any of the great euphemisms people use? "You've achieved a good remission," they tell me. Never, "You're cured, move on with things."

I live my life hoping for the best and preparing for the worst. I remain realistic but optimistic but I don't put things off too long. My sons and I just returned from a 2-week trip to France. I had always wanted to go, and something deep in my gut told me not to wait any longer. We spent New Year's Eve in Paris (my wonderful husband stayed home to pet sit — he wasn't into Paris) It was one of those evenings we'll never forget and something my kids can hopefully reflect upon if or when I'm not on the planet anymore.

Hang in there, Leroy. My thoughts will be with you tomorrow.

Sent by Betsey Kuzia | 8:30 PM ET | 01-25-2007

Leroy — you are wonderful. I will be thinking of you tomorrow, as will thousands of others.

Sent by Linda Hilsen | 8:48 PM ET | 01-25-2007

Leroy: Every moment you continue to hope, continue your fight, continue to hope, is an inspiration for me. Know that there are so many people who have grown to love you and pray for a miracle everyday. It will soon be spring and you can say you did survive the winter and along the way you made some really good, new friends. Good luck tomorrow... you know we all pray for you. Carry these thoughts with you.

Sent by Patti Greening | 8:52 PM ET | 01-25-2007

Rock the house and sizzle those tumors, Leroy! This is a team sport, I tell my patients... and we are supporting you and are on your side!

Sent by Karen | 1:10 PM ET | 01-26-2007

Some people are afraid to even get in line to buy "the ticket"... it's amazing who we might meet standing "in line."

I'm glad you're in line...

Sent by Richard Williams | 1:28 PM ET | 01-26-2007

Best of luck with the RFA. I hope everything goes well for you.

I have metastaic rectal cancer. I had RFA to destroy two tumors in my lung. It got one of them and part of the second one. The second one was too close to the diaphragm and was causing problems. I went home later that day and ended up back in the hospital with a collapsed lung. In the end, I ended up with almost a year without chemo.

At the moment I just started up with Oxaliplatin. I'll have to see how well I tolerate it.

You are exactly right when you say to enjoy the time you have. I have as much idea as you do about when my cancer will kill me. (I'm hoping it will be a long time.) Until then I plan on living my life as normally and enjoyably as I can.

One difference I have is that I never asked for a prognosis. As you have seen, the doctors are only making guess based upon statistics and experience. They seem to come out wrong on people who are fighter.

Again, best of luck.

Sent by Jim Bloom | 3:54 PM ET | 01-26-2007

Leroy,

Take it day by day, and whatever days bring, do not forget to enjoy each and every one of them.

I found the following site very helpful when on a similar quest: http://www.dailycelebrations.com/home.htm

Sent by Vitaly Brukhman | 3:56 PM ET | 01-26-2007

Dear Leroy,

A new and wonderful friend introduced your blog to me, the caregiver in our family now and cancer survivor, too. It's not possible to overstate how much it means to me. Please know the good you do in the world.

To you and all of us, keep hope alive, stay strong, and courage pressed down, full measure, running over.

Sent by Penny | 3:58 PM ET | 01-26-2007

Dear Leroy's Blog Community,

I love the comments this time as much as Leroy's essay, and just wanted to tell you so. Missy's thoughts on the power of our minds and the ability to be simultaneously optimistic and realistic. Crow's fabulous thoughts on gathering, in all its meanings. Roger's contention that we ARE survivors. Karen's commitment to forward looking, dreaming and planning, and Diana's story of planting bulbs regardless of whether you expect to see them sprout — these all nourished my roots today. One of my dearest friends of a lifetime died this week, and your messages have healed some torn spots in my heart. Thank you all. Love and blessings to each of you, and Go Bro! To Leroy for Fridays procedure!

Sent by Sarah | 4:00 PM ET | 01-26-2007

Leroy,

You stated in a recent post that "I don't look to the future with despair." That reminded me of some words from Dietrich Bonhoeffer that have been a source of inspiration to me. Imprisoned and ultimately executed for his opposition to Hitler, theologian Bonhoeffer wrote "The essence of optimism is not its view of the present, but the fact that it is the inspiration of life and hope when others give in... Optimism that is will for the future should never be despised, even if it is proved wrong a hundred times it is health and vitality..."

I'll be thinking of you with optimism today.

Sent by Jon Manchester | 4:55 PM ET | 01-26-2007

It strikes me as funny that with serious face and demeanor, the oncologists feel they must remind us before any of these exciting new procedures to just remember, "This is not a cure." My doctor reminded me that yesterday of my liver resection coming up next month to try to rid my liver of metastasis. But I say BE WILD WITH THAT WORD," say it, use it, and believe it is possible because you simply never know for sure. My friend Tom in Arizona diagnosed with Stage 4 colon cancer ten years ago (eleven?) has been cancer-free for several years after a series of fortunate circumstances like having a very talented surgeon. He sure feels cured!

I say have great hopes for tomorrow. Hopefulness is health. And much more. Good luck! Good luck!

Sent by Nancy O. | 5:05 PM ET | 01-26-2007

I liked what Crow said, Leroy. Gathering, surviving, choosing our attitude for every day despite what life gives us... and I also agree — you are a survivor. You know what things you can do to make your life livable — and you are doing it. I think for all of us to choose to live every day as if it may be our last would and could change the world. It is a gift. You and your family continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.

Sent by Jeri | 11:44 AM ET | 01-29-2007