I Can't Wait for Friday
It's funny how all this can change your perspective. Having poison pumped into your veins? That's just another day in the chemo room. Having your body bombarded by radiation in a sealed room protected by lead doors? Just another treatment, one of a series of 10, 20, 30, or more. CT scans... that means you have to drink that vile mixture containing the contrast dye. MRI? Loud noises for a while, no big deal.
And now I find myself getting ready to have needles stuck into my lungs to burn out the tumors and some of the surrounding tissue. I'm actually looking forward to that. I had something similar when I was first diagnosed at a different hospital. They wanted to get a piece of one of the lung tumors, so I agreed to a needle biopsy. They give you a local anesthetic on your chest, then stick in a needle and try to stab one of the tumors. Problem is, they can't see what they're doing, so they run you in and out of the CT scanner to see. And you're awake while all this is going on. Lying there watching — and feeling — the technician digging around in your lung with a really long needle was not one of my happiest moments.
To top it off, they never did get a piece of the tumor, and my lung collapsed. Not a big deal, easily fixed, but even so. I was a rookie back then — I think that was only my second or third day in the hospital. Since then I've had brain surgery, brain radiation, chemo, spine radiation, tattoos on my chest to guide the radiation and now radio frequency ablation this coming Friday. And I can't wait.
I don't know that you really get used to having all these things done to your body. Some are painful, others are a piece of cake. I think you just get used to the whole process, that whole world. You show up periodically when and where they tell you, people do things to you, and then you go on to the next one. It's all part of our lives. Or should I say our new lives.
We don't become passive or uninvolved. Quite the contrary. Because each time, with each new procedure (or an old procedure for the hundredth time), we all carry the same thing into those rooms. A little bit of hope that this time, it may work. It may help. The results may be negative. The scans may be clean. And that hope allows you to put up with all sorts of pain and discomfort. Like I said, I can't wait for Friday. Let's get those needles ready and do this.
6:25 AM ET | 01-23-2007 | permalink

