Yes, the loss of control was the hardest part of having cancer. It was almost impossible to explain the loss of control and what it meant to those around me, they would say,"but you have control, you get to decide whether to go forward with the treatment or not." Like i could really choose to not at least try treatment. When I came around after the colonoscopy, I already had an appointment with the surgeon and was scheduled for surgery a week later; yeah, I was really in control of my own treatment. Yet no one seemed toundersstand my frustrationthat I didn't even get to be aware before the decisions were made. Loss of control was the hadest part of having cancer.

Sent by John | 12:10 AM ET | 04-16-2007

This is, to me, one of the most poignant, insightful commentaries you've posted. Amen.

Sent by Marylee | 6:52 AM ET | 04-16-2007

I was recalling feeling very angry with a work colleague who had gone for physiotherapy. He whined about having hurt his shoulder whilst hang-gliding and that it would take a (terribly long)3 weeks to heal. I was there for over 6 months, trying to recover arm/ shoulder mobilty that had been caused by the removal of my axilla as part of my mastectomy surgery.
I felt anger as he had put himself at risk and got away more lightly than myself who hadn't.
I think I just felt acutely conscious of my own frailty and how vulnerable I really could be.

Sent by JJ | 7:42 AM ET | 04-16-2007

I share some of your feelings about the news. I watch the news and I see negative people who make the world a worse place overall. Imus, negative person. Al Sharpton, mostly negative. The list can go on and on. People who shroud attempts at good work, but at the core are really self serving negatives. Imus with his ranch, does good work for children suffering like I have suffered, but he is out of touch with reality. Sharpton, giving a voice to those who traditionally haven't had a voice, but so filled with self importance cannot admit when he is wrong and apologize for past actions. Perhaps we need to get back to news reports about the crop yield, or animal migrations. It is at least honest.

Sent by Brit | 10:08 AM ET | 04-16-2007

It's in other areas of life too--
I work part time at a store and used to get flipped out if the money was off by a dollar or so. I laugh when I think about it.
I will hold the phrase "the cheapening of life" dear. It is perfect and poignant.
Looking forward to sneaking away to listen to the radio this afternoon--The Talk of the Nation, 2:00 eastern. Be there.

Sent by Robin | 10:38 AM ET | 04-16-2007

We no longer have journalists who report what they see, hear and smell. It is all about spin and money and the people who stand to gain. I am with you in that I really don't see the purpose of having celebrities and the news mixed as a media event. But to the matter at hand ... it is only until we loose something that the true value becomes known. Health is something we equate with being physically fit. We never perceive that the underpinning of our life is good health, then all else is able to happen. Keep this dialog going for everyone.

Sent by Pat Zalewski | 10:53 AM ET | 04-16-2007

i have to admit..the world seems pretty trivial to me these days. i,as a cancer survivor have much to much to think about compared to the rest of the world...LIFE VS DEATH....and then when i am in the midst of thought of the challenges of a "chronic" illness , maybe ,just maybe death is the way to go...maybe the peace ,serenity , and control is all in the death....who really knows except GOD.

Sent by marianne dalton | 11:03 AM ET | 04-16-2007

Leroy, something about your entry today immediately brought to mind Susan Stamberg's words from a years-ago NPR broadcast, and which I have carried in my wallet since hearing it: "I was fortunate. The prognosis was excellent. But cancer changed me, as it does everyone it invades. I got scrappier, more impatient, at times. And in some ways, mellower, less driven, easier on myself. Experiencing cancer, I now find, has given me not exactly an affinity for sadness, but certainly an empathy I hadn't made room for before. I see it in my work. In the past, I spent a great deal of time asking extremely successful people how they did it, what it was like being at the top. In ensuing years, I've been talking more with people who hurt and manage to carry on."
--Susan Stamberg, in her book, TALK: NPR's Susan Stamberg Considers All Things

The experience of cancer may open [at least some of]us up in new ways...

Sent by Sarah | 11:10 AM ET | 04-16-2007

Leroy,

Like you, I feel somewhat removed from the negative people and events facing us now. I have no control over them. I can only control me and what I do....a full time job!

Those who are selfish and focused on power and money are either 1) people who have not had enough tragedy to rearrange their priorities or 2) people who have no conscience or empathy.

Cancer rearranges priorities. So does the death of a loved one, or a personal near miss. "Life lessons" I think they are called. Some people don't need them, but most of us do.

As for the sociopaths who can't learn that kind of thing, let's just hope they don't hurt too many people as they move through their lives.

Sent by Diana Kitch | 11:29 AM ET | 04-16-2007

Leroy, I couldn't agree with you more, regarding the control issue and the 'cheapening of life'.The loss of control over my body, my future while living the 'cancer life' was so intense. And yet, it gave way to a surrender, not to the disease, but to an understanding that it is an illusion that we are ever truly the ones in control.
We do our part, make our way, make a difference, impact ourselves and others and yet I believe much does remain out of our control.
Personally, I had a very difficult time with frequent scares of recurrence. As you know, that truly sets the stage for stark realization of control issues.
I thought cancer was my toughest advesary. Now, with a son deployed to Iraq, I face another battle of frightening possibilities. I am totally at a loss of control on this one. I can only send packages to the troops and continue to pray for peace.
Indeeed, our world has gone mad!

Sent by Kathleen | 12:11 PM ET | 04-16-2007

I think you and Marylee ...........(This is, to me, one of the most poignant, insightful commentaries you've posted. Amen.

Sent by Marylee | 6:52 AM ET | 04-16-2007)
have said it all. We must all remember the value of each and every day, each and every being in our circle and cherish all life.

Sent by Sondra Daly | 12:15 PM ET | 04-16-2007

Leroy,
Yes, that loss of control is paralysing. The frustration of the cancer situation is debilitating. I tried, with not much success, to get to the other side of frustration with knowledge. I spent hours (weeks) on the internet, watched websurge and other sites including a 4 hour teaching video of my planned surgery. I signed up for medical journals to try to know more than the cancer that was erupting in my body. I became obsessed with support message boards and blogs. I did learn a great deal and I have a confident vocabulary with my cancer support team of doctors and nurses, BUT, my spirit knows I am still a bumbling idiot. My medical team, incredibly more intelligent about my cancer, is barely past pre-school in an understanding of cancer. We all have so much to learn. This frustration has only been salved by a new appreciation of friends, family and the joy of life itself. I never really critically examined that essential joy. The undignified tussle is beginning to reveal uncommon benefits.

Sent by Robert | 12:21 PM ET | 04-16-2007

30 people, whose lives have been affected by cancer are currently planning on climbing to the top of Mt. Kilimanjaro, the highest point in Africa, in February of 2008, but that is not their only lofty goal. They also hope to raise $100,000 for the fight against cancer. We are looking for local and national publications to help in spreading the awareness of this inspiring journey. To learn more about the project and the people behind it, check out our website at www.journeysofinspiration.com. If you would like to contact the man behind the idea who nursed the dream into life, contact Rick French at info@packpaddleski.com or call the Pack Paddle Ski office at 585-346-5597.

Sent by Rick French | 2:26 PM ET | 04-16-2007

I wish we had a place to comment on the radio show. From all of the people of New York, I apologize for that woman. She obviously doesn't get it. Although Leroy as a radiologist might not be a bad idea.

Sent by Brit | 2:29 PM ET | 04-16-2007

The response sent in by Diana Kitch struck home with me as I read your commentary this morning. She is so right! Cancer does rearrange priorities. The things that used to bother me so much BC now rarely have the power to irritate me. If the dust wants to collect on my coffeetable, let it. If someone wants to make an insensitive, rude remark about my lack of hair, let them. My priorities revolve around my family's wellbeing and the days I have left to be with them, however long or short that time may be. That is the gift cancer has given to me.

Well said, Diana.

Sent by Brenda Lynch | 2:33 PM ET | 04-16-2007

i was diagnosed with metastacized ovarian cancer in 2002 and declined chemotherapy and healed myself by changing my diet. I am alive today and helping my cousin who was just diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer that spread 70 tumors to her omentum and liver. She changed her diet (with my help) and is stunning her doctors with rare levels of healing. I tried to call the radio show but the 800-898-8255 did not work. the power within our bodies is the same power that can help heal our bodies. i would have liked to hear Leroy's thoughts on this.

Sent by nina | 2:35 PM ET | 04-16-2007

The chaos you mention is interesting. Much like you, Leroy, I was fairly hands-off in how I reacted to it prior to my cancer (I'm five years into remission from nasopharyngeal carcinoma). Yet since I've been better, the ineptitude and selfishness of people has become something I find much, much more difficult to tolerate. There is so much beauty in this world - so much that should be protected - yet we as a species often seem so callous in how we regard it. How can we, as survivors, play a larger role in opening others' eyes? I wonder....

Sent by tom mackechney | 2:37 PM ET | 04-16-2007

I need advice on how to interact with a relatively new member of a volunteer organization who was diagnosed with cancer. Please keep in mind that even at the age of 54, I have never had a family member, friend, co-worker, or any other acquaintance who has dealt with cancer. I do have a lot of experience with people dealing with mental illness, including those who have been involuntarily committed and at least one suicide. I know how it feels to NOT want to talk about it, and NEEDING to talk about it. I don't know how to interact with this co-volunteer. He was diagnosed with colon cancer and for several months there were fairly regular updates so that we could all express our support for him. Then I was out of town for about 6 months and when I returned I greeted him, asked how he is feeling, and when he stated he is in remission I remarked that he had begun filling out again and looked healthier than when I had left. He responded to this by telling me I am insulting. I tried to apologize, but even that seemed to insult him, so I ended the conversation. He has continued to be in remission, however, I now do not approach him and only talk with him when he addresses him. I would really like to get back to the friendly relationship we had before his cancer, but I just don't know what it is I can say to fix it. I am the only one in the group of volunteers with whom he seems to be unhappy concerning his cancer. Have you heard on any similar situations?
Thanks
Suzu

Sent by Susan Grant | 2:49 PM ET | 04-16-2007

Cancer can make cause folks to become to focused on themselves so I think it is very important to reach out and feel the pain of others in the world. I found it important to remain active in the peace movement and go to Washington DC last month to march. I may not see the end of these hostilities but they will continue to impact our nation and individuals and families for generations. However, it is sometimes overwhelming to watch the genocide in Africa, etc and feel as helpless about that as we often do our own situations.

Sent by Dona | 3:07 PM ET | 04-16-2007

Oh Leroy.

You know, I really didn't care to hear, yet again, from Elizabeth Edwards. I wanted to hear more from you! It was great to hear the doctor, but there just wasn't anywhere near enough of you. Tell Neil Conan the next time you see him.

Sent by Jordis | 3:09 PM ET | 04-16-2007

I just listened to Talk of the Nation with Leroy Sievers. I was unable to catch a phone number to make a call. I am a surviver of uterine cancer. If you can say "Cancer sucks" on radio, I'd like to add my mantra: KICK CANCER BUTT." For me, it is aggresive and defiant... a real attitude booster.

Sent by Carol D'Lugo | 3:12 PM ET | 04-16-2007

I listen with interest each time your dialogue is aired. It is as though you were sitting with me in my doctor's office or eavesdropping upon my thoughts. Once in my life I was given the terminal C diagnosis. That diagnosis was in error. To this day, I cannot adequately put into words what that event did to my view of life and those around me.
I do not mean to be insensitive to those diagnosed with cancer. However, there are many chronic health diagnosis received by many which are just as devastating and terminal. My inquiry is why cancer seems to be the one diagnosis that generates the response and dialogue that cancer generates.
My spouse has a chronic disease ,that except for an accident, will no doubt take her life prematurely.

Until your story on NPR it never occurred to me that knowledge of her heath issues has ever illicited the response that my cancer generated.

Best wishes and do you have any thoughts as to why this universal visceral response to cancer?

Sent by R MYERS | 3:38 PM ET | 04-16-2007

I recently learned a friend of mine has been diagnosed with Burkitt's Lymphoma- a very aggressive cancer. When I finally reached him via telephone (in the cancer ward in London's Guys Hospital) he was very angry with me, didn't want my pity, or sorries, or prayers. All I wanted to do is let him know that I am thinking of him... and I get this anger- that I most certainly did not expect. I have watched my Mom suffer through and survive cancer, I have seen what chemo and radiation do. I just wanted to let him know that I am thinking of him... what can I do that would matter to him? being a friend and a family member in the middle of this storm is very difficult.

Sent by Rebecca | 3:56 PM ET | 04-16-2007

Leroy,

I was in the country in Kansas, but caught what I could of the broadcast. It was good and you were good. I believe knowledge is power and broadcasts like this one make it easier to deal with cancer. One of the things about a taboo subject that gives it power is that it is unmentionable. Well, you pretty well knocked the socks off that.Good.

This may be a little long for your column, but I'm going to write it anyway. You are doing something decent and wonderful for others by blogging your story. THANK YOU.

The word that is burning my ears is "hope" and what it means when you have cancer.

"Oh, don't tell grandma or she'll lose hope." Not true. Grandma already knows what's up and feels isolated because there isn't anyone to share with. It is so important for the patient to at least be offered a forum for expression.

Hope of what? Immortality? Not dying? Well, none of us has that hope. Short of that, there is hope of healing hurt relationships, making it to a wedding or graduation, having a pain-free or lucid day, a visit from an old friend, etc. In other words, hope is a big word with many meanings. Too bad we only allow one, for the most part.

You and the med student and Mrs. Edwards and all the bloggers are so wonderful about OPENING NEW DOORS to what the word means.

There is always hope...just maybe not always hope for what you want.

Sent by Diana Kitch | 4:17 PM ET | 04-16-2007

To Suzu:

The response was, as you relatyed it, off the wall. I would suggest a note saying you don't understand what you said to offend, but would like to make it right. That way, the guy doesn't have to do a knee-jerk response. He can think about it. BTW, just because someone has cancer doesn't make him an angel.He could be just a not-nice guy with cancer.

Sent by Diana Kitch | 4:43 PM ET | 04-16-2007

It's getting late in the day, but I just read today's post from you, Leroy, in which you pronounced that the world has gone mad: "I look at what's happening as just another person who lives on this planet. And it's clear the world has gone mad." As we all now likely know, your prescient comment was, sadly, borne out yet again today at Virginia Tech. How far down does our "society" have to stoop before good steps back in and saves us from ourselves? God bless those hundreds of people who have been touched yet again by another tragic cheapening of life. And bless you, too, for being able to see the world and life and goodness as you do, despite the travails you endure. Today is another very very sad day for Americans and--for all civilized people--as we watch our decency delaminate and our respect for life and living unravel.

Sent by Penelope Kellar | 6:00 PM ET | 04-16-2007

Good show. I was in my classroom while my students were at lunch. I wanted to relay the following message, but was unable due to lots of people with input.

The My Cancer blog is a great "support group" for people with cancer. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer last August, I was advised to join a breast cancer support group for information and compassion. I was given the names of local support groups (I live in Chicago). I was unsure but looked up the times of meetings. The support groups were generally during the day and I was working fulltime as an English teacher! I think this is a reflection of our times. The baby boomers are growing older and getting cancer. They are, whenever possible and desirable, working for economic, social and professional reasons. I worked through chemo and radiation. I took a total of three days off in addition to two weeks for surgery. I needed to work and was in no position to attend a support group meeting during the day. My Cancer Blog is my support group. I can check in whenever I have the time during my workday and I can contribute as well as give to the larger community across the nation. I can remain somewhat anonymous via the blog. The My Cancer Blog is just right for people like me who desire to stay on the job in spite of cancer.

Susan Paprocki
Chicago

Sent by Susan Paprocki | 6:02 PM ET | 04-16-2007

Dear Leroy Sievers,
I heard you today on TTN, on my way to a consultation for a screening colonoscopy. After having been diagnosed almost two years ago for breast cancer, and having a friend diagnosed at age 49 with colon cancer, I decided not to wait for cancer to find me again, but to find cancer before it becomes untreatable. Somehow, by being proactive, I feel like I somehow have some control, even though that little black cloud is always somewhere in the background. It does not stop me from making plans in advance, but it does help me decide what is most important in life.
I agree with your posting on 4/15/07, the world is indeed becoming too crude and cruel. I don't understand how individuals can behave with such disrespect and disregard for the one precious life that we have been given.
I am grateful for every new day, whether it be only a "good day" and not a "great day.
Thanks for your comments and your blog.

Sent by Linda | 6:53 PM ET | 04-16-2007

Thank you for your radio interview earlier today. I strongly identified with the "loss of control elements" of the radio discussions. More than ten years ago I was diagnosed with a medical condition that, Encyclopaedia Britannica conclusively stated, would kill me in two years. The condition was sufficiently exotic that no physician would offer any less ominous prognosis. Britannica took away the self-assured life I led. My vision of proceeding proudly and heroically to the grave dissolved into pathetic losses of emotional control that must have sorely tested my beloved wife. I lost control during those times. I knew, even before today's broadcast, that anyone who had approached the brink as I did would never return to the life they had before. Britannica was wrong. Once the condition was better understood, it was learned than large numbers of people have this chronic condition. It will kill me, if I live long enough. In the interim I'll look back to the time when our motto was "lucky us" and know that I'll never again feel that wonderful security of position in life.

Sent by Matthew Taylor, Greensboro, NC | 9:02 PM ET | 04-16-2007

Having affordable, appropriate and a wide range of support groups for both the patient and their family and friends is so important for both the physical and emotional well being of all involved. Listening to NPR today was both inspirational and motivating. Hopefully, medical personnel were listening as well and realize the importance of treatment of the whole person. While I live in one of the most technically advanced areas of the world, Silicon Valley, California, and can rely on some of the most sophisticated medical procedures in the world, the psychosocial services are lacking. An international nonprofit organization, The Wellness Community, is a model system that has proven that free, pertinent help to cancer patients and their support system, can be had. Having a good friend battling leukemia has prompting a group of us to start a wellness community in Silicon Valley. It's a tremendous undertaking but nothing compared to the daily fight my friend must take on each and every day!

Sent by Patricia Lawson | 9:12 PM ET | 04-16-2007

Leroy,I found your great essay last night,4/15 while remembering my dad. Today would have been his birthday -he's been gone for ten years. While much has happened since then, happy & sad,there have been 2 distinct times when I thought "I'm glad Dad missed this - its just too much." They were 9/11 & my younger sister's cancer diagnosis. Then today happened,4/16. Life will never be the same again for so many.

Since your reflections have helped me so much, I'd like to share these insightful words with you, from my husband: "...Some things are worth fighting for, like the value of human life. When you look at Claire you see someone who values life and is willing to fight for it over and again. In this world many people don't value human life. It seems like the scale is getting tipped off balance to the wrong side. When Claire fights for her life she is actually helping balance the scale by helping other people see what is really important."
Hope his words will help someone else, especially after today.

Sent by Karen | 9:58 PM ET | 04-16-2007

This blog entry was really right on. And that was *before* the killing at Virginia tech. Once you learn how fragile and painful life can be even under the best of conditions, it's so hard to understand the forces in the world that want to make it even more fragile and painful. I understand courage better than I did before cancer, but I realize I understand hate and violence less well.

I listened to Talk of the Nation after the fact on the internet. Wish you'd had more time!

Sent by N.R. | 10:51 PM ET | 04-16-2007

Well, Leroy. I think I beat you to that lesson about not being in control. A few years before my diagnosis, a couple of people I love suddenly had to deal with mental illness-- and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it! That was agonizing.Up till then, I had always thought I had control of my world.

As for how I have changed, well, I was already appalled by the cheapening of life in this culture long before I got cancer. But yes - I did learn in a way that was not possible before just how precious and how brief life is. For awhile, I think I was too scared to get angry. Now I do get mad sometimes, but I also get over it pretty fast. Who has time to waste on that? Another thing I've noticed is that I am much more outspoken and blunt. I say what's on my mind, very directly. I think that's mostly because I don't want to waste time stewing over things. Just put it out there and move on!

Here's what I think: this is a beautiful world and it is home to lots of people with beautiful spirits. Not all, no -- but a lot.

Leroy, I loved hearing you and others from our blog family on the radio today. I tried to phone in to say how valuable the blog has been to me, but the lines were busy. Hey, Gretchen -- that was cool to have you mention my name! I'm glad my earlier comments were helpful.

Sent by Doris | 11:03 PM ET | 04-16-2007

"I used to thrive on chaos. Made my living off it, actually. The worse things got, the better it was for journalists. A war? Natural disaster? We'd all start salivating like Pavlov's dog. At least I would. The adrenaline, the excitement, the adventure -- that was my life. "

There is still the chaos of cancer - not to suggest you are thriving on it, but you attacked with your renowned and respected journalistic vigor. Except this time you are the observed, not the observer - well, but maybe really you have been both. Thank you for your courage - to write your words every day - when you often may not want to - sometimes you do it for the people who await - sometimes that's enough and then it becomes for us.

"Each day is precious. I used to know that, before the cancer. Now I believe it with every fiber of my being. So when I watch the news, I don't get excited. I don't go to the closet and get my suitcase. I get angry. Really angry. Because most of what I see comes down to one thing: the cheapening of life. I can think of no greater crime. And somehow, in some way, we will have to answer for that."

Leroy, you were (and are, and will continue to be), The News. Therefore, you are uniquely powerful to influence opinion that not ALL the world has gone mad. As evidenced by this blog and many other stories you have reported or would be and will be reporting. Because I am making assumptions that your adrenaline was to report the courage of humanity in contrast to the brutally incomprehensible inhumanity - that's what attracted you and got your adrenaline going and drove you to grab your suitcase.

I do not have cancer (though with five immediate family members having died in the last ten years I have a few thoughts going through my head) but I have cared for people with cancer. I hope if (when) it happens to me - I have as much dignity and grace as the people here.

You have a powerful pulpit - cancer is one aspect of you - ONE aspect of you - not that anyone can expect you to completely re-orient US media about how it reports the madness but more importantly the goodness, but you can try?

Sent by jmh | 11:32 PM ET | 04-16-2007

Leroy,

I catch your commentaries on NPR and always value them. Somehow the existence of your blog didn't register with me until the wonderful show you did today. And to think I would have missed it entirely if my wheelchair hadn't literally split in half as I was getting it out of the car giving me a chance to spend a "driveway moment" listening to the whole show until somebody could bring me a functioning chair!

When I survived, and was paralyzed by, astrocytoma in 1972 as a teen there was no common language; no place like your blog. Thank you.

To pick up on your blog reflection on violent metaphors, my experience has never been that I "fought" cancer. The reality is much more profound and entirely nonviolent. It involves developing a gaze that encompasses death. Mindfulness is the closest description I've ever heard.

Such a paradox that there is so much freedom found in living with the end in sight.

Sent by Scott Rains "Rolling Rains" | 12:30 AM ET | 04-17-2007

WOW. As a brain tumor survivor for over 13 years, with craniotomies in '94,'05 and '06, currently on chemo & disability, but still pretty functional, I listened to NPR; repeat-dialing like a crazed teenager trying to win concert tix from a DJ! I felt like I had found my people. Thank you Leroy for this heart-grabbing insiders' forum. I'm thrilled to find such a group. So much of the discussion resonated for me. All that and Elizabeth, too! I've struggled to find a powerful, non-military metaphor to describe my path as a woman & mother.
After reading the blog I feel so many connections, and I smile. After I was diagnosed, I told my youngest sister in dispair that I felt like I was marked, with a sign on my forehead that read *BRAIN TUMOR*. She wisely said,"we're all marked, you just know what your's is". To the oncologist seeking to understand her patients, great, keep asking. Dr. Rachel Naomi Remen teaches just that to docs, through Commonweal.org. To everyone else, I suggest going to the same site and reading the text of the Jennifer Altman Memorial Lecture: "Strategies for the Best Possible and Most Comprehensive CA Care." It's a wonderful NP group devoted to healing.
So much more, thank you, and peace. Pam Quillin, Sacramento.

Sent by Pam Quillin | 1:33 AM ET | 04-17-2007

Hi,
I'd like to suggest that any Young Adults coping with cancer - whether patient, survivor or caregiver - check out www.preparetolive.org.

Sent by Eran Thomson | 2:18 AM ET | 04-17-2007

My wife and very best friend for 40 years died this afternoon at 5:45 pm. Her cancer was diagnosed at the beginning of August 2006, and treatment began immediately, followed very shortly by the discovery of this blog. Each day I would print it so we could read and discuss it together. Somtimes the comments really hit home, at other times her case seemed very different. But it was always worth reading and we both looked forward to reading the next one. Thank you for creating and continuing this wonderful forum.

Sent by Dayton Curtis | 2:53 AM ET | 04-17-2007

I heard of Leroy on NPR. I listen to the show here in Germany, where we are stationed. This is my first time participating in a group like this. I attend a support group. I just finished chemo the beginning of Feb. I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer, stage 3, 3 years ago. And it has been a roller coaster with 3 surgeries, 3 chemo treatments and 2 port surgeries. I am now on an alternative treatment that includes a very healthy diet. I am interested in hearing more about Nina with metastasized ovarian cancer. She said that she treated her cancer naturally.

Sent by Betty | 4:13 AM ET | 04-17-2007

On Monday's TOTN:

The studio holds about fifty, though it was only about thirty in the audience.

The content of the program was good, with participation of patients, a radiation oncologist and Elizabeth Edwards via phone.

One of the central struggles is the loss of control, the facing of one's mortality, that the fight, battle, dealing with cancer, or now living with cancer entails. There was duscussion about the language surrounding these ideas and what the proper vocabulary should be.

Leroy Sievers was excellent, at home in the setting given his previous journalism career. My goal was to thank him for what he's doing, shake his hand, exchange a few words and ask a couple of questions. Being local tho this area, I asked him where he would get his ritual steak and cheese sandwich (a tradition for him and his wife after getting scan results from doctors). He described a modest spot and I noted the name and location.

The studio audience was somewhat reticent at first but the lines at the microphones for questions/comments were three deep as the show ran out of time. Very positive. As we left, wishes of courage, hope and good luck were exchanged

Unfortunately, the entire show was superimposed on the breaking news of mass shootings at Virginia Tech. The worst campus killing spree in US history had happened a few hours before the program, and updates were given with each break in the show.

The death toll in Blacksburg was about the same number as those in the studio, with about the same number wounded but surviving, according to that evening???s report.

So we were struggling with control and death issues as cancer survivors, while students, professors, maintenance and admin workers of VA Tech and families were confronted with death and lack of control.

A cancer patient goes in for a scan result knowing there is potential for bad news. Not most kids going off to class. Whew. "Good Luck" would not be appropriate. Courage and hope, yes.

Sent by Jack Burrington | 6:04 AM ET | 04-17-2007

Mr. Curtis

When my husband died from cancer last Sep my neighbor told me I had to quiet myself. I was a wreck and exhausted, my neighbor was right. I hope you can now quiet yourself if that is what you need. Sorry for your wife's struggle and passing.

Sent by Irene | 12:02 PM ET | 04-17-2007

Dear Leroy

Your comment about life being cheapened was ringing true during the broadcast yesterday, and hearing about the killings on the VT campus. I hope peace and prayers help heal the VT family along with the nation during this tragic time.

I also just wanted to say, thank you very much for letting me participate in such an interactive discussion.

Leroy, your words, voice, and openess about your health are doing wonders for the entire cancer community (and it was wonderful to finally 'talk' to you)

Thanks also to the others out there who also participated--as it hopefully helps be become not only a better physician, but more importantly a better human being.

Sent by Krupali Tejura MD | 12:52 PM ET | 04-17-2007

Irene and Dayton

I'm right there with you. I lost Terry almost 9 weeks ago after 20 years.

It is exhausting, and I don't think we realize it until it's finished and we suddenly realize we have all this time on our hands. And there are OK days and not-so-OK ones. I'm told that's perfectly normal.

I'll be doing a memorial service for Terry this weekend in New Orleans. It's the first of seven US cities and two European ones planned (so far), with even more coming. I just hope that I can find it more healing than stressful to be around so many people who care.

Dayton--I've found it both extremely difficult and a very good thing to not isolate. Friends can be a tremendous help if you'll let them. My tendency is to retreat and hole up at home, so I've struggled with this.

You've got friends here if you need them...keep that in mind. We've been there, are going through it or have already gone through it. As one of Terry's hospice nurses told me, "sometimes the shortest path to safety is straight through the fire."

Sent by Bruce | 9:13 PM ET | 04-17-2007

To Mr. Curtis,

Your local hospice organization may be able to help you as you work through the loss of your wife. Many hospices offer free grief counseling and other support services to members of the community. Our not-for-profit hospice in Iowa City offers free counseling and support services regardless of whether or not the person who died was a hospice patient. You can find your nearest hospice organization by going to http://iweb.nhpco.org/iweb/Membership/MemberDirectorySearch.aspx.

Sent by Meganne Masko, Music Therapy Intern | 11:06 PM ET | 04-17-2007

Your best entry to date. Thank you, Leroy, for your perseverance, insight, gift of words and commitment to this blog. While your life may have many purposes, this one is unique and makes a difference to the lives of many.

Sent by Judy | 2:11 PM ET | 04-18-2007

I thought I was a religious person but still I prayed to God nightly to make me a better Christian and also to help my son to get on his feet. Then, about a year later, I was diagnosed with cancer and my son was sent to Baghdad, Iraq. I couldn't talk him out of going since he thought he could make some money to send his children to college. God answers prayers in so many ways. I believed my prayer was answered on both accounts, I just never expected such a hard answer. Being diagnosed with cancer cannot be described in words... one must experience it to understand, but I can honestly tell you it did make me a better Christian. I knew that one day I would die, everyone has to...but it wasn't the same as facing one's mortality all of a sudden. I am a one year cancer survivor but live daily thinking about a recurrance, thinking about what I went through...it changed my life forever.

May God bless one and all and especially all of the cancer patients and survivors of a nasty, nasty disease.

Sent by Lynn | 6:12 PM ET | 05-12-2008