Leroy,

I always use "dealing" when referring to my cancer. I agree with you that "fighting" is not a good choice since so many lose the fight.

There really hasn't been much progress in "curing" cancer, the great strides have been made in "preventing" cancer or "dealing" with the cancer once we have it.

And once it's metastatic, "prolonging" seems to fit the best.

No matter what term we use, "living" each day, (whether we have cancer or not), is the best lesson learned from this awful disease.

Sent by Cindy | 8:05 AM ET | 04-12-2007

"Victory belongs to the most persevering." -- Napoleon

Sent by emile | 8:34 AM ET | 04-12-2007

i never understood the word "battle" in the truest sense until my own er"battle" began. i was learning all kinds of "new" words, fight,warrior,couragous,etc etc. peers called me "brave"..brave ..how could that be..i am a HUGE wimp! after all i have been through and still going through i still don't consider myself brave or couragous or even a fighter...i am just another person with this nasty disease . i am a wife , a mother, a teacher and i am not willing to give all that up just yet; so call me what you want ...i am just me!

Sent by marianne dalton | 8:50 AM ET | 04-12-2007

Leroy - I kind of like the word "fight" in this context. It is an active verb, maybe too active, because a lot of the actual "fighting" is done by drugs on the cellular and sub-cellular level, with a heck of a lot of "friendly fire" casualties along the way. But I still like it because when one has cancer, one fights each day in one way or another. When I was told I almost certainly had lymphoma but it could be something else equally unpleasant, it was a big unknown enemy. But I knew that whatever it was, it was almost certainly was going to kill be me if medical science couldn't kill it first, and I knew I was in for a fight. So that night, I wrote a sign with the following: "I am a warrior and I will defeat this thing that is attempting to kill me. Carpe Diem!". I posted the sign on my bathroom mirror and looked at it several times each day as a reminder to stay positive, be strong, and keep fighting to prevail and live. I was lucky enough to win the fight, at least so far. If I had died along the way, then true, lymphoma would have won that war - no way around that. But that would not have meant I didn't fight hard enough, or that people who die of cancer did not fight hard enough. They have many victories along the way. Each hour and each day celebrating and living life and not giving into sickness, chemo brain, exhaustion, or fear is a victory that is usually hard won and hard fought.

Enjoy those drumsticks and that clay, Leroy. Keep living each day!

Sent by Art Ritter | 9:48 AM ET | 04-12-2007

One of the paradoxes of cancer is that the adversary is not some foreign invader (a bacterium or a virus), but our very own cells, gone awry. For some of us, the problem has been quietly programmed into our DNA, since the day we were born, emerging only in later years. As the cartoon character Pogo said, back in the Vietnam era: "We have met the enemy and he is us."

Most of us don't find it difficult to use a military analogy when referring to an outside adversary - a burglar, say, who invades our household. Yet, what if the adversary were one of our own children, in adolescent rebellion? Most of us would be less likely to speak of mounting "a courageous fight" against such an "enemy."

It's one of the reasons why I shy away from the military metaphors, myself. They just don't seem to fit, based on what I've learned about the true nature of cancer (mine is Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma).

Cancer's not something we "catch." For better or for worse, it's part of us.

"A Pastor's Cancer Diary"
http://www.cewilton.blogspot.com

Sent by Carl Wilton | 10:00 AM ET | 04-12-2007

Leroy,

I don't think there is a "right" word. Different people resonate with different language. Whatever word works to help you do what you need to do is probably the best word for you.

Sent by Diana Kitch | 10:10 AM ET | 04-12-2007

With regard to cancer language, I have decided "after a courageous battle", is the most absurd.I have tried "illogical argument" but I now use "undignified tussle."
At the moment I am having very undignified tussle with my GI tract as a result of chemo.

Sent by Robert | 10:14 AM ET | 04-12-2007

I've thought about this a lot and just yesterday decided that if anyone says Terry "lost the fight" I'll say "No, Terry won the fight and made it out of here. It's me that lost the fight."

Leroy said:

"We all just deal with it in our own ways and do the best we can on any given day."

That's so true. It's putting one foot in front of the other, no matter how tough it is, that gets me through the day.

Sent by Bruce | 10:25 AM ET | 04-12-2007

I think "living" with cancer is a good term too. Living with it can sound inspiring, we are LIVING dispite the diagnosis. But, it also can imply, "Well, we're living with it, but we're not that happy about it". The application of the word can depend on the day or the mood!

I loved your post about returning to hobbies. My husband's colon cancer diagnosis has caused us to totally refocus our energy into things that we didn't have time for before.

He's been painting watercolors, building models of ships, taking our dogs to the dog park, cooking, napping, mediating and working out. Since he's not working he has the time for all of these pursuits but I think it's important for all of us to make time. Even if it's just a few hours a week. Find what brings us joy and stimulates us, whether we're living with cancer or not.

Thanks for your blog, I just got turned on to it and really enjoy it.

Sent by Erin | 10:57 AM ET | 04-12-2007

I like the terms "dealing with" or "coping" best. Cancer's not a monster -- just a sickness that we're "in treatment" for or "trying to recover" from. Or how about "healing" from -- no matter how unlikely a complete cure seems in some cases, we all need to heal spiritually, no?

Sent by Doris | 11:15 AM ET | 04-12-2007

I tell people I'm just play the hand I was dealt. It's not about playing a good hand well; it's about playing a bad hand the best you can and many times coming out the winner. That's true in cards and true in life.

Sent by Kate | 11:43 AM ET | 04-12-2007

When faced with this question, I opted for "Living" with cancer. It sure is a battle, struggle, fight, etc, but after all, isn't living with it (and, maybe someday, without it) what we all hope for?

Although my wonderful wife is not here to read this, I always tell people "she didn't lose...she struggled, endured, and...lived. She never let this disease in her house, she never let it define her. She never let it win, or take over.

Sent by Dan | 11:43 AM ET | 04-12-2007

I have a friend who says the whole family is infected with cancer when one member gets it. That is certainly true, My children developed "antibodies" perhaps that make them more caring of others since cancer came to live at our house.
I generally shy away from militaristic terminology but right now fighting seems the best metaphor. I fight by educating others, fundraising for research, advocating and serving others. We need a strong active word, nothing passive, even when we are on our knees vomitting we are not being passive.

Sent by Elizabeth | 12:16 PM ET | 04-12-2007

To me, the proper word is "fight". And yes, if/when it happens, I will indeed have "lost the fight". There is no denying it is a loss and I acutally resent the people that try to sugar coat it "dancing with cancer", etc. Bah!! I'm fighting tooth and nail. I'm not "coping" or "dealing", I'm FIGHTING. I'm not even sure if that's a strong enough word. This is indeed war!

Sent by Karen | 4:27 PM ET | 04-12-2007

Cancer doesn't single out just one of a body, no matter where or how it starts - eventually, it goes after the entirety. So, we need to respond with all aspects of that entirety - the healer, the warrior, the wry comedian (thanks, Robert, for "illogical argument" and "undignified tussle"), the blooming child, the strong spirit, the stubborn fool... We look within for what we need at any desperate moment, and may be rewarded with a varied array of "friends with tools". The wisdom comes in deciding what to use when.
P.S. Thank you for the invitation to Washington. Wish we could come; I know it's going to be powerful.

Sent by Ceese Stickles | 4:32 PM ET | 04-12-2007

Dear Leroy:

As always thank you for your words. I am "living with cancer" with "no evidence of disease". This sounds like your case. It's there but not making trouble -- this week!

I like the martial metaphors for my cancer. It's an unwlcome guest. I'll consider it a "fight" until the one day I hope to see when the doctor says "It's all gone!"

So I guess I vote for "fight" as a descriptor. However, I also use "live" as I have decided to "live" the best life I can regardless of my scan results.

Sent by Ben Timmons | 5:35 PM ET | 04-12-2007

P.P.S. Didn't it turn out in that Star Trek movie that resistance WASN'T futile? It took science, courage, wiliness, intelligence, loyalty and faith in friendship, but in the end, resistance paid off. Make it so!

Sent by Ceese Stickles | 6:43 PM ET | 04-12-2007

I agree, the words we use are importnat vis a vis cancer, and sometimes it is us, the patients, who have to guide others with our descriptions. Some of our friends need to use the military metaphors because of their own perceptions or experiences. Some of our helpers want to use gentle, or even baby-talk words so that it isn't so scarey for them. A friend asked me if I was 'excited' about an upcoming consultation at a renown cancer center and it just sent off all sorts of alarms: no! absolutely NOT excited. But she wanted and needed to feel a sense of relief about my situation. So we agreed that the possibility of getting some new directions was a good thing. it was work, getting to that point emotionally, but the whole conversation resonated for weeks and still serves as a lesson in how care-givers, front-line defenders, mid-level helpers and folks on the outer rings of the situation all need to "come to terms" with cancer. Terms of endearment, rules of engagement, categories of experience, efforts at containment... it's all important. Keep exploring this, Leroy, it is helpful for everyone to think about.

Sent by Susanne A. Barkan | 7:26 PM ET | 04-12-2007

I, too, like the word "fight" because I plan to be victorious and not just survive. The word I don't like is "cancer survivor". Why settle for that when one can be a "cancer victor". I'm looking forward to passing that five-year mark, regardless of the the odds.

Sent by Pam | 10:52 PM ET | 04-12-2007

Before I was diagnosed, I never considered myself a "fighter" - I just never saw the need to leave the more peaceful and passive path. But one of the many changes that occurred to me during treatment is that my mindset has changed now. I have to fight now - I can't take the peaceful and passive path with something that will kill me if I let it. It's a fight I didn't choose to be in - it was a dirty sneak attack that caught me unprepared until it was almost too late. But I'm in the fight now, with all of its lousy battle metaphors. I'll just be glad when the war is over. A ticker-tape parade would be a nice ending to complete the metaphors.

Sent by Bob Maimone | 11:29 PM ET | 04-12-2007

A question for the group:

Does using battle terms make the situation of having cancer that much more overwhelming, or is it simply an accurate description?

Sent by Jen | 10:29 AM ET | 04-13-2007

Hi, Leroy, I so appreciate your blog. Words are important. How about "living" with cancer? To me that is my most important task each day. Whether we are in remission for a time or if our cancer is active I think that it is most important that we live well with it.

Sent by Marlene Christenson | 11:19 AM ET | 04-13-2007

I believe that FIGHT is the correct and accurate word to use in talking about cancer. Some days I "kick" the cancer, some days it "kicks" me! The doctors and treatment attempts are all my allies in the battle....As always, Fight the Good Fight....

Sent by David Grimmius | 11:50 AM ET | 04-13-2007

I look at cancer as a way of rebalancing my life. I certainly can't exist the way I used to.

Sent by Lisa | 11:54 AM ET | 04-13-2007

Leroy-

I had my Personal Last Will and Testamony and the other usual POA's made back when I was in my early '30s. Without a Will in Texas, things can get pretty nasty with family members pretty quickly; "he promised me this...". My best friend is the Executor and everything is spelled out as to who gets what.

I am enduring and being treated for my cancer, not fighting it. I didn't enlist at a local shopping mall to "fight" cancer. I told my best friend that when I die and if I saw "lost his courageous battle with cancer" in my Obit, I would haunt him till his own death.

I am being treated for a brain tumor in a Clinic for Targeted Therapy. So far, so good. I am living a fairly normal life and I just ignore the tumor and that seems to help also. "The body does what the mind tells it to do". It doesn't take 10 spiritual healing books to figure that one out!

Don't forget to smile a lot on TV, LOL. There are a lot scare people out there who will be "hanging" on your every word.

Sent by Larry Hamm | 12:01 PM ET | 04-13-2007

To Jen - You ask "Does using battle terms make the situation of having cancer that much more overwhelming, or is it simply an accurate description?"

Being diagnosed with cancer was (to me) overwhelming. The use of battle terms is my way of expressing the gravity of the situation and my attitude toward the disease. I'm rising to the challenge. My life has been threatened and I can think of no passive phrase to describe my need to take action...urgent,foreceful action...against the probably outcome.

Sent by Karen | 1:45 PM ET | 04-13-2007

I will add my vote for "living" with cancer - since that is what I'm doing, and will continue to do. The cancer email digest I subscribe to uses the term "beast" to describe esophageal cancer. I hate the term - it turns what is a part of us - like it or not - into some kind of monster or dragon that is outside of us and puts us in a position of attempting to "slay" what is essentially within us. I live with cancer like some people live with diabetes or heart disease. It may some day do me in - but I told my family that I will haunt them if my obituary says "he fought a courageous battle with cancer!" 'Nuf said!

Sent by Alan Beauregard | 6:30 PM ET | 04-13-2007

I think fight is a good word, as long as you define what you are fighting for. Are we fighting to live, or not die? If you live with dignity and grace, dying is not necessarily losing. After all, we are all going to die sometime. When I was actively dealing with my cancer, my goal was to live a certain way. By God's grace, I did not die. But I feel like I would have won either way.

Sent by Crawford | 9:22 PM ET | 04-13-2007

Surviving cancer begins on the very first day. At every treatment I am surviving cancer. After bad imageing am surviving because I am at my next appointment. After a good scan, and I have had three, I am surviving. I go to work as a cancer survivor, and no there one knows. I am a survivor in a my physicians office, but I am there for an apppointment nontheless. Even if the news invovles recurrance, I will the next day be a survivor. I will be a survivor until the day I am not. But still it will be said that I was a survivor for however long, surviving can be with me the rest of my life. The language you use about your life and cancer begins to shape your mental structure, your coping, but it also becomes the way you become "the educator" to those around you. You are the educator to everyone you know, a role I neither sifned up for or felt fairly tasked with, oddly, like the diagnosis. I have wanted to answer, go google it if you want to know, I'm tired of talking about it. Inevitably I return to talking about cancer, and educating the listener, because framing the language can be my contribution to the next cancer survivor met by the same nosy shocked obsessed pokey shaking concerned casual acquaitance who can't get on to just talking about the weather. Surviving is a gift, one we can give each other.

Sent by sfelty | 3:05 PM ET | 04-16-2007

I also cringe when I hear the military language applied to cancer. Healing has nothing to do with fighting. We live....despite cancer. Words are twisted to spin meanings. Cancer is now a chronic illness. Everyone has a condition of health. Cancer is a part of our unique condition of health. We are either dead or alive. This grey zone of wonder and not knowing is a place where we have an opportunity to explore the depths of our being on the journey from birth to death.

Sent by Pat | 7:14 PM ET | 04-16-2007

Not to stray from the discussion about "fighting" cancer, but the thing that really burns me is when people say someone or some family was "touched" by cancer. Hah! There are many colorful words that describe cancer's impact on our lives, but touched is not one of them. I am particularly aware of words these days, as I have rectal cancer, and the puns just never seem to stop (I can't include most of them in this genteel posting). I'm afraid the treatments and surgeries have stunted my wordplay for the moment (I keep reassuring myself it is only temporary), but I'm sure others could step in here.

Sent by Tricia | 5:16 PM ET | 04-17-2007

We all have read the obituary notices of "courageous battles" lost, and wonder if someday that phrase will follow our name. Cancer doesn't deserve to be the most notable thing about my life, and I still laugh when remembering the Onion's headline "Man Loses Cowardly Fight Against Cancer."

Sent by Lori | 11:54 PM ET | 04-21-2007

I so agree with Lisa when she says "I look at cancer as a way of rebalancing my life". I am not what I used to be. I do not regret anything.I actually feel that I am dancing with my cancer every single moment of the day. I have good days when I forget that I have cancer then I have days that do not let me forget. Thanks to make cancer (which by the way has metastized to my bones)I have gone through an incredible growth as a person. I am more spriritual than ever and it forced me to re-evaluate my life and my priority list. I am now the first one on my priority list. If I take good care of myself everyday I can be a better mother, wife, friend etc...
My cancer is not my enemy, it just is and I have to deal with it as I can everyday. In some very weird way, I am almost thankful for having to go through this experience. There is nothing "courageous" about how I see my cancer. I just do what I do. I think we all do our best when it comes to the disease and we all deal with it differently. There is not one good or bad way to deal with it. You just do it!

Sent by Florence | 1:33 PM ET | 04-26-2007

My mother is losing her fight with lymphoma, after swearing off chemo after that first 6 month course of treatment. She lost her hair, her toe nails, the health of her teeth, and now my brother and I struggle - great word - struggle with the advent of this disease. I remembered a book of poetry by Anne (Tyler, maybe?) entitled The Awful Rowing Toward God, written while she was living her struggle. God bless all those who must fight and battle and struggle and cope. God bless them all.

Sent by Alison March Webb | 12:27 PM ET | 12-15-2007