Leroy

Here's a thought... it does not have to be about cancer everyday!

Write about anything!

Write about your plans to summit Everest! :-)

I have long been past my treatments and dealing with cancer daily... but I have found I also NEED to write about it almost everyday.. it is part of my healing and with any luck at all.. it may help even one person to get through another day.

I agree... we are ALL in this together and we need to help support and encourage and inspire each other... and this is a very special place to do so!!

Job or not... you put yourself into it and we all aprreciate that!

THANK YOU

Ron

Sent by Ron Bye | 7:21 AM ET | 06-27-2007

maybe thats the point... that you feel you "should" and that it is a responsibility for you.
When I ponder it, i think of cancer every day, many times within a day, and sometimes I am utterly swamped by it. I only know how that feels for me and I imagine it feeling something similar to others in the same sort of situation... hence the reason why i think people are asking you to consider yourself as well as trying to support the rest of us. That, if you are having the kind of day when it's actually not crossed your mind yet, that you could enjoy that cancer-free moment.
Even as many have said, we might live in CAncerWorld and it is a big part of our lives, we are not totally defined by the disease.
I also liked hearing of you having fun, taking up the drums, going to hawaii. that theer was "Normal" in your world as well.
I feel reluctant "asking" something of you when you give so much and yet I am asking for a view into that other part of your life too. If you feel you want to contact us everyday it doesnt have to be just about cancer. I like the way you articulate my feelings about cancer, but I also like to hear about the "good stuff" too. Like when someone asks me how I am and I wonder if they just want to hear a cancer update or whether to talk about the new skirt I've bought or whatever.
How would you feel about that??

Sent by JJ | 7:31 AM ET | 06-27-2007

Leroy,

You are right on. There are some days I need all of you as much as you need us. There are days when I don't read your blog and many days I do. I'm am grateful for all the days I wake up just to say good morning to all of you and know we ARE in this together. Once again, Leroy, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and feelings with us.

Sent by Gail Hunsberger | 7:33 AM ET | 06-27-2007

well, i for one am grateful that you write five days a week, i find your thoughts are just what i need to hear to help me thru my day and some comments i read from others are the same, very helpful and sometimes sad, but that comes with the territory. All in all i am very glad i found this site.
thank you leroy

Sent by Jenn | 7:36 AM ET | 06-27-2007

Good morning Leroy,

I am so glad that you are going to continue writing this blog. I am one of the weaker people who use this blog as a lifeline. I admire all those with courage and I'm still trying to become strong. I am so easily overwhelmed, constantly feel like I am juggling too much. Sometimes I don't have the strength and energy to get me through the day, and I'm not cancer the patient, I'm the spouse/caretaker.

A friend tried to give me advice. She told me that I could conquer my fears and depression if I make up my mind to do so; she said that the mind is a powerful tool. She does not live in "my world", "our world".

Thank you again for this wonderful blog Leroy. Sharing our feelings and talking about things helps us feel better. Reading all these eloquent posts helps take the focus off ourselves (if only for a little while ) , something we all need to do every now and then. Let us all continue to stay in touch and not cope alone. I wish only the best for you and everyone here. Prayers to all.

Sent by sasha | 7:41 AM ET | 06-27-2007

Bless you Leroy!

Hugs,

Lori

Sent by Lori Levin | 7:49 AM ET | 06-27-2007

I get it Leroy. This blog is your contribution to the world of cancer patients, and you don't want to let the team down. I'm really glad that we all have you in our corner. I know that it's been asked about and suggested before, and I don't know if it's in the works, but a book of this blog....your entries, our answers would serve a larger population long after we are all gone. The topics that we discuss don't really change, they're the issues that anyone with a life-threatening illness encounters. I truly hope that a book is made of all this...perhaps w/ a companion DVD of the Discovery special.

Sent by Nancy K. Clark | 8:01 AM ET | 06-27-2007

Yesterday when I had my bronchoscopy I met a nurse who used to do Oncology who reached out to me to touch me and comfort me. I encouraged her to return to that kind of nursing since she loved it so and had so much to give. No matter where I go someone is reaching out to me and I to them as you are to us in cancer world. Thank you for not taking time off and struggling through thinking about it whenever you right this blog. What you are doing is invaluable and you are saving lives in your own way - at least we know we are not crazy (losing our minds) and that many others share our exact feelings. It is essential to be able to feel a part of something and not an outcast.

Sent by Vicki (FL) | 8:07 AM ET | 06-27-2007

Thank you, Leroy, for your dedication to "our gang".......your kind of the "leader of the pack" and your commitment and daily insights bring us all together....thank you, thank you for writing on the days when it's hard to do so.......
We hold you in our hearts and prayers always.

Sent by Ruth Chermok | 8:23 AM ET | 06-27-2007

Leroy....Rock on with your bad self! You will make a difference for so many people who find strength here each day. Your words are like coming to a well to drink and it refreshes our spirit.

Sent by Patricia A | 8:48 AM ET | 06-27-2007

What started as a contract with NPR perhaps has now evolved to become something much larger for you...maybe a calling!! Regardless, we are all so much better off because you passed our way.

I have suggested to the social services group at Winship Cancer Institute (Emory) in Atlanta to pass the word about your blog to all of their support groups. This is an everyday support group and support, care and comfort are necessary each and every day in the cancerworld.

Blessings and prayers as always. Keep the great blogs coming.

Sent by Al Cato | 8:57 AM ET | 06-27-2007

Connecting to and through you is a daily boost, Leroy. We all battle cancer on two fronts - the physical and the mental. I think the mental struggle is the more constant and difficult challenge. Giving us a window into how others are dealing and a chance to tell our own stories lightens our hearts. Your insights and humor are universal and so healing. Thank you, Leroy. You are making a lasting difference that's spreading exponentially. Yes, please consider a book. It would be a treasure.

Sent by Laura | 9:01 AM ET | 06-27-2007

Leroy - we were on the same wavelength this morning... I was walking the dog thinking about taking some vacation time from my job and then I said to "you don't get days off from the big 'C'". There is no more 'time off' - sure, time when you're thinking about something else, but not 'time off' the way it used to be.
I guess it's like getting old, not much you can do about it, but accept it gracefully and keep plugging.

Sent by Tim | 9:17 AM ET | 06-27-2007

Leroy, You didn't share with us if you are a candidate for this new treatment, did you find anything out yet? I think your writing this blog is good therapy for you as well as inspiration for the rest of us. Keep it up. Have you ever written a book? I would love to, but I don't know where or how to get started.

Sent by Ruth White | 9:20 AM ET | 06-27-2007

Leroy.
I agree the one thing we all have in our contol is kindness either in our words or actions. We cannot contol cancer but we all can show kindness

Thanks agian for your blog I find it very helpful!

Karen

Sent by Karen Rutz | 9:26 AM ET | 06-27-2007

Leroy,
I am also going to thank you for not taking a day off, because being in the cancer club it is always part of my life. My doctor said that "I am not my cancer" but not having cancer I think it is easy for him to say, he doesn't have that nagging voice in the back of your head about treatments and pain that is a constant in my life. I appreciate you being so positive and wish I had your bravery. I struggle with my cancer and the saddness it has brought into my life. I mourn the fact that I am in my 40's and am stage IV and that my children are the children of a mom with cancer. It has changed them, robbed them of certain things, but also gave them an appreciation for life and love. I look forward to your blog each day....sometimes it is if you are saying what is on my mind.
Miriam

Sent by Miriam | 9:27 AM ET | 06-27-2007

As a caregiver, I find you to be amazingly strong. Its wonderful that you keep this Journal for everyone, including yourself, giving strength, needing strength, it all is survival. I care for profoundly retarded patients in a 24 hour medical facility. They get every disease we get. People may be suprised how much strength and will their soul holds. Its unlike anything most of us will ever see. Leroy, you have made a difference to most, I know just reading your words every day has inspired me. Thank you.

Sent by Robin Turman | 9:30 AM ET | 06-27-2007

This is just to let Leroy know how much I appreciate him sharing his story and feelings with us all.

Will that program ever be repeated. Haven't talked to anybody else in my circle of friends and aquaintenances who watched it

Sent by Charlotte Bilder | 9:54 AM ET | 06-27-2007

I appreciate your committment to NPR and to this blog, and to the reader members of the cancer community it serves. I believe that your writing every day is important to you and to us. I do argue that the topic must always be about your cancer. I believe that your insights as a cancer survivor on any and all subjects is valuable to us and to the world in general. You have a different perspective on many issues because of your cancer. Your witnessing, reporting and commentary prior to your diagnosis on world events has also given you a different perspective on your cancer. Feel free to write about anything that serves YOU and others outside of the cancer circle. It's about LIFE afterall. Isn't that what we all share and strive to endure?

Sent by Deb | 9:56 AM ET | 06-27-2007

Good morning Leroy,

I, too, am glad that you write your blog every day. It is a real source of comfort and reassurance that helps me get through each moment. Sometimes I smile and sometimes I cry while reading it but there is always comfort here. Thanks to you Leroy and to everyone who shares themselves with all of us.

And to Sasha, being the caregiver to a loved one who has cancer is in many ways as difficult as having the disease yourself. Certainly the mental strain can be overwhelming! One of my reactions when I was first diagnosed was that if cancer had to come to our family, I was glad that it was my turn because I could not have coped with it striking my beloved husband, sons, their wives or our beautiful granddaughters. So on my bad days, I try to think of them and just realize that I must shoulder this burdeon and do the best I can for them. Somehow that seems to help, along with your support.

So Leroy and Sasha, bless you both and everyone on this blog!! You are more help than you will ever know!!

Eileen Pruyne
Charlotte

Sent by Eileen Pruyne | 9:57 AM ET | 06-27-2007

Leroy,

First of all, whatever your reason, thank you for doing this blog. I have watched it grow and watched many patients draw strength from the fact that whatever is going on with them, they can read, post or comment. They can have interactions with others about their situation - whatever it might be.

This is a community that has come into being because of you.It serves the most needy, frightened, and courageous people I have ever known. Whatever other things you have given to the world, this one is closest to the heart, nearest the bone.

Blessings on you!

Sent by Diana Kitch | 10:03 AM ET | 06-27-2007

Thank you Leroy for your daily blogs. You are such an inspiration to so many of us living with cancer. I start each day reading your blog as I enjoy a strong cup of coffee. I can't think of a better way to start my day. My cancer is with me every day, but I try not to let it control my thoughts and feelings. My bald head and port are my daily reminders, but I feel so good that at times I forget I am a cancer patient. I just try to focus on the positives and to be grateful for each day, each hour, each moment. I have a wonderful husband, 3 great kids, 5 sisters, 2 bothers, and many other relatives and friends who have been there for me. I thank God for all of them daily. I pray for you and thank God for you, Leroy. You are awesome!!

Sent by Mary | 10:03 AM ET | 06-27-2007

Thank you, Leroy, for doing what you're doing. I'm in the midst of a 2-1/2 war with cancer, and unfortunately I keep losing every battle in this war. I forward your blog on to my husband and my mom every day. We Cancer Warriors are a sturdy and determined lot and it's only natural to unite! Keep up the good work!

Sent by Barb | 10:06 AM ET | 06-27-2007

Leroy,(post attempt #2)

Whatever else you have done with your life - and I know some of it has been extremely important - when you get right down to it, there is nothing you have done that could possibly top the comfort of this blog.

Here we can come with our anger, despair, triumphs and tragedies related to cancer. We know others will understand and even respond to us.Where else could we go for something like this?

Thank you for perhaps the greatest contribution you have ever made to the betterment of the world!

Sent by Diana Kitch | 10:07 AM ET | 06-27-2007

Dear Leroy,

I do read your blog everyday. I also read the posts of other people.

This place is a dose of "good medicine" for me. Whatever the emotional tone is of what is written. It's all real, honest, upfront.

I need a place to come to about the stress of upcoming surgery, and the looming possibility of cancer, and you and NPR have created it. (Along with the other people who post here.)

Thank you. Thank you for showing up to do this on all the days you are able.

Sorry that this is such a selfish post: me, me, me...., ...i need, etc.
I'm upset, freaked out, and needing to vent. Thanks for letting me do that here.

You really are the BEST, Leroy. I don't know you except through here, but I do cherish you, and always keep you, and the other people here, in my prayers, and thoughts.

Sincerely sending you heartlight,

Kim Blankenship

Sent by Kim Blankenship | 10:15 AM ET | 06-27-2007

Thank you Larry. My husband is the one with cancer; I'm simply trying to "be there" for him. Reading your thoughts gives me insight to what he may be thinking; he will not talk about it. I know you are helping others fighting the beast but you are also helping those of us standing on the sidelines.

Sent by Pat | 10:21 AM ET | 06-27-2007

Cancer World--once you enter it, you never truly leave it. My husband, Bill, had his first, 3-month post-bladder-cancer-diagnosis, cystoscopy yesterday. His doc, Dr. Mark McClure, Raleigh, NC, is a fantastic doctor and, additionally, found only a healed spot from the originl surgery in his bladder. Good news. So now the wait for the NEXT 3-month "poke and peek" begins. Both Bill and I are grateful recovering addicts, which gains us entry to another world, Twelve Step World. The recovery community has a lot of the feel of this blog--instant belonging just by showing up (because who would voluntarily show up without cancer or addiction!), support and unconditional love and regard from fellow members. Your desire, Leroy, to help/support others in Cancer World is the same reason people in recovery eventually find to continue going to meetings, sponsoring others, telling their story, etc., even after 5,10, 15+++++++ years of sobriety. That, and the wonderful feeling of fellowship with people who absolutely understand where you've been and where you're going. No one chooses to enter these worlds, however, once there, they can be positive, life-changing, experiences. But that is often hard to remember when you're down in the moat with the Beast trying to make a meal of you---and you never really know when you might find yourself back in the moat. This blog represents the friend who might not be able to pull you out of the moat, but will be by your side while you fight the good fight.

Sent by Sydney lantz | 10:24 AM ET | 06-27-2007

Take a day off? I would rather you decided the weekends would work for you too. Seriously, though, on weekends I'm apt to be found re-reading comments, anything to keep the lifeline open. I gave up work about 4 months ago and now my life seems this odd, marginal existence. I can go out briefly and pretend to be normal, but it comes at a cost. For instance I can't talk, eat, or drink and walking with my head level is painful because of accumulated scar tissue. Today is a particularly down day because I'm having lung surgery this afternoon, another palliative move for which I'm grateful but I'm also apprehensive. I have a wonderful husband and kids supporting me, friends that anyone would be astounded by -in a good way -and normally I'm more upbeat than this. But I read LeRoy's blog around 6 am today because he was the only one stirring (stirring in Cyberspace anyway) and I was certainly happy to see him there.

Hope you'll send a prayer or two my way this afternoon, and thanks for being here and for listening.

Sent by Ruth Crawford | 10:25 AM ET | 06-27-2007

You are our Coach Leroy for Team Cancer. Couldn't ask for a better coach.......we won't let you down. And we'll be ok if you ever do want a day off.

Sent by DiAnn | 10:30 AM ET | 06-27-2007

Leroy, I work with cancer patients and their families at The Wellness Community in East Tennessee and read your comments daily. Thank you so much for helping me understand what you all are going through, and for your life insights. Best to you, Alice

Sent by Alice Mercer | 10:35 AM ET | 06-27-2007

Leroy,

I'm a recent subscriber to your blog and now look forward to your writings everyday. Each topic you address vividly explains what we experience daily and is so well written I forward these messages to my wife, friends and family.

I'm a melanoma survivor going on 18 months of being cancer free! I once felt very alone because I couldn't truly define to everyone how I felt or explain what this disease does to a person. But your daily blogs are great reads and I enjoy reading the other comments as well. I no longer feel alone with this disease because of your blogs and your participation in Ted Koppel's program "Living With Cancer".

Thanks for your daily writings, they are very much appreciated.

Sent by Jay Williams | 10:36 AM ET | 06-27-2007

It's true that sometimes we all need a break. My husband got up early this morning to drive 5 1/2 hours down to Eugene for business. I know at some level he was looking forward to it.

Yesterday was very tense when he had to rush out of a meeting early to get home in time to take me to radiation. He needs a break today. The solitary ride down I-5 will give him time to process why he was so upset with me yesterday. We put a lot of responsibility on those who love and take care of us. Not only do we need breaks from cancer, but so do they.

I'm looking forward to my next break from cancer. As soon as this pain in my hip goes away I'll be free again. I really hope I'll be able to dance my way into that freedom. I need to dance.

Sent by Laurel M. Jones | 10:36 AM ET | 06-27-2007

Leroy - I am continuously reminded of a fragment from Rumi everytime I read one of your musings and the comments of all these good people - "Where there is ruin, there is hope for treasure." God Bless and Hang Tough - Susan in Florida

Sent by Susan Schwallenberg | 10:39 AM ET | 06-27-2007

I'd worry if I didn't see you.

We live with cancer, but we LIVE.

For months after treatment I wanted nothing to do with cancer, I just decided I was cured, that was that. But after a while it crept back, I worry about recurrence, the longer I go the more I worry. It hasn't been long at all, only about a year and a half since treatment ended. Five years is no longer "out of the woods."

But I don't dwell on it if I can avoid it. My 3-monthly checkups are scary. Irrational I know, but there I am forced in a way to confront the very real possibility that I might have to "go under" again.

Sent by Alycia Keating | 10:50 AM ET | 06-27-2007

Leroy, thanks for your committment to all of us. It is hard not to think about being in 'cancer world' every day. But as you said a few days ago, the best knowledge is that we are not alone, that we are going through this ordeal together. So, on your good day, I may be down and really need to hear your message. It is a struggle for all of us each day. On my good days, I am working again, mainly from home. On my chemo days, I can't even imagine trying to work or concentrate.
So my plan is to take each day as it comes and enjoy whatever comes my way. Easier said than done on some days, but I still try. Thank you for trying and succeeding to speak volumes for many of us.

Sent by Lou Loggi | 10:51 AM ET | 06-27-2007

Leroy: I am glad for you that you have found a way to use your bounteous talents helping others. I know it helps you to know that you do that....a reason for being on this earth, and a legacy to leave after your physical life is over here.
Thank you for blogging every day, even when you'd rather be doing anything else than thinking about cancer.

To Ruth Crawford: Blessings and prayers as you go through this surgery today.

Sent by Sandra Shuler | 10:55 AM ET | 06-27-2007

To Sasha,

I doubt you're weak. It's normal to feel overwhelmed, afraid, and even somewhat depressed. If you feel yourself sinking into depression you should definitely seek help; I know of many people using antidepressants to help themselves through this extremely rough patch in their lives.

I think it's okay to feel the sadness, the anger, the despair. It's especially tough to care for someone with cancer. My wife is my caregiver, and I know it's really hard on her. She does what she can, but she feels helpless much of the time. At least I can go in for treatments, or surgery (in 2 weeks), but she has to watch, give advice, and tell me she loves me, when she'd much rather be in control. She hates that!

My wife and I both attend support groups at the Wellness Community at their fantastic center in Walnut Creek, CA. I think it's had a positive effect on my cancer if only because it's helped me to be a better, more proactive patient. My wife gets a lot of help from other spouses and caregivers in her group and I think it helps her to manage her fears. I don't think it's possible for anyone to conquer her fears, but it is possible to learn to live with them.

Good luck Sasha, and to all of us!

Sent by Bill | 11:04 AM ET | 06-27-2007

I'm one of those who has urged you to take a break from the blog, but now I can see I was wrong. Anyone who is getting up every day, meeting what he sees as a responsibility to others who really need him, can never become just a victim of cancer. You have a purpose! And I would guess that it enriches your life. Anyway, I hope so.

For me, the blog has become a morning habit. Before breakfast -- even before coffee! -- I sit down at the computer to check what Leroy has to say. It's a little island of safety, a place of calm, as well as a source of stimulating ideas. Right now, I'm doing well physically, with no evidence of disease. Life is more or less back to normal now that my 17-month-long breast cancer treatment has ended. BUT -- I know the chances of metastasis are very high in my case. I try to shove it out of my mind, but it's always there, and not very far beneath the surface, as are thoughts of life and death and "what's it all about" and "how should I be living my life now" and so on. It's such a relief to come here and read your insightful words as well as the comments of all the other beautiful people who participate. As you said yesterday, we're all in this together. That's what the blog does, it makes us know we're not alone. Thank you, Leroy.

Sent by Doris | 11:07 AM ET | 06-27-2007

Dear Barb,
You should keep up your good work. Although you've been fighting for years, you are still being supportive to your family and contributing to society by writing to this site. I applaud your courage. I think you have won battles. I wish you the very best.

Sent by Elaine | 11:32 AM ET | 06-27-2007

Hi,

We all have shoulds, needs, and oughts! Weekends? Hey that's what I discovered after I got hooked on this blog there was not Saturday and Sunday. I kept checking and checking and checking and finally said, he's taking the weekend off.

We all need a little time off from our "jobs" of who we usually are even it is only a few minutes.

Thanks All,

Sent by Susan Chap | 11:46 AM ET | 06-27-2007

Hello Leroy,
I read your blog every day and the comments. I watched your documentary and was listened to every word you said. As I posted in a previous comment, I experienced every emotion you had and it was amazing to hear this from another person. As I read your blogs, I can hear your voice in my head. It is "so you". This is such a great service you do for all of us affected by the cancer world.

Betty Lewis

Sent by Betty Lewis | 11:47 AM ET | 06-27-2007

I look forward to reading your blog everyday, Leroy, and certainly understand your sense of responsibility. I'm always torn between selfishly wanting your words to be here everyday and wanting you to "take a break." The selfish part of me is that part whose dear friend was diagnosed with stage four lymphoma nine years ago with subsequent cancers in between. With a stem cell transplant, multiple radiations and chemo and now, for the last four years, a steady dose of retuxin (I'm not sure if I'm spelling that correctly), she may have developed a pulmonary toxicity. Her regular chemo has been suspended. I read your blog daily hoping that I can glean strength from you and your readers for my friend and, yes, for me too. I want to be there for her on every level and sometimes the only authentic place where my strength is renewed is here. Here where you and most of your readers live and breathe cancer everyday and where I witness amazing strength, patience, and honesty. Yes, I want you to be able to take days off but who would then lead the troops to their daily victory?

Sent by Molly | 11:55 AM ET | 06-27-2007

Leroy,
Thanks so much for what you are doing. I'm not a cancer patient but it seems I'm surrounded by family and friends who are. I know more people with cancer than with diagnosed heart disease. My father-in-law died of prostate cancer in January. My aunt is starting her 8th year of weekly chemo for stomach cancer. Eight years of chemo so she can see her grandchildren grow up. That's amazing. The security officer in my office died this morning of pancreatic cancer. One of my best friends is under hospice care waiting to die from brain cancer. A long time member of my church has undergone surgery for cancer this week. I have to wonder when my turn in the barrel will be. It seems inevitable that I will get cancer if I live long enough. You're an inspiration for all of us.

Sent by Karen Short | 12:04 PM ET | 06-27-2007

Susan -- Thank you so much for sharing the wonderful Rumi quote, "Where there is ruin, there is hope for treasure." It reminds me of a card I received soon after diagnosis that says, "Barn's burnt down. Now I can see the sky." (or was it stars?...there goes my chemo brain again!)

Sent by Doris | 12:07 PM ET | 06-27-2007

LeRoy
First I thank you for taking the time and energy to write this blog. Speaking for myself, I get alot out of each day's writing and comments. They provide the support I need to make it it through the day. This is my electronic support group.
Through out my day, if I find that some one has cancer, I refer them to your blog.

People need the support no matter how strong they think they are.
Take Care
Clark

Sent by clark | 12:40 PM ET | 06-27-2007

Dear Leroy;

Count me in. I too am a Cancer patient, diagnosed 4 years ago this June with Stage IV NSCLC non-small cell lung cancer). At that time I hoped and prayed that I would see my son graduate from college the following May. Well, I saw him graduate, I saw him get married in June of that year, and hopefully I will be around to see him get his PhD this December. I never expected to be here 4 years later, but here I am. The cancer was pretty much stable for about 2 years, after several chemo sessions, several blood transfusions and radiation. It seems to be active again, so we???re back to the CT???s and the PET???s, and the waiting for the outcome of the tests.

I am so thankful a friend my mine told me about your Blog. It is a wonderful thing you are doing. I think a lot of us depend on your daily writing, but if you were to take a well-deserved day off, we would understand and certainly look forward to the next writing. I imagine that by doing this each and every day, it serves as a kind of therapy for you.

I thank you for what you are doing.

Vicki

Sent by Vicki Karnauskas | 12:59 PM ET | 06-27-2007

I also read your blog and the posts daily....sometimes in the middle of the night when I am unable to sleep, worrying about how we will be able to go on caring for Dad for another day. So thank you for writing and offering up support!

Sent by Karen | 1:25 PM ET | 06-27-2007

Hi Leroy,

I guess all I have to say is: "Ditto!" I am glad you are on our side, although that's sort of a "catch 22"... (I'm NOT glad you have cancer, but if you didn't you probably wouldn't be here).

But I really appreciate you writing this blog, more than you know... it really does help! And I don't think I could say thank you enough. So,"Ditto, Ditto, Ditto! " Shir Dolitz

Sent by Shirley Dolitz | 1:39 PM ET | 06-27-2007

Leroy - I met you at the radio broadcast the day of the VA Tech shootings. Speaking of 'normal', I asked where you were getting the steak 'n cheese sandwiches, and posted the next day about the VA Tech affair superimposed on the cancer discussion of loss of control. Have not posted since, but here goes. I am sort of in normal mode now, playing golf and feeling more energetic, able to travel, as my prostate cancer trial has moved from chemo to hormones. A small poem is below. I had just done my first long plane trip following chemo and visited my daughter in Berkeley. It refers to my hair, which had mostly fallen out - I got a #2 buzz to even things out, and the post-chemo fingernail discoloration.

The man on the plane looked clean and tan.
None of the gray baby hairs clung to the rainshirt pulled over head, a far cry from months before when their longer forebearers would swarm at the touch of fingers, leaving the nest.
Four months after the final infusion, the nails holding this pen were almost halfway out, graphing the poisons' passing.

For me, the attempt at poetry is akin to your drumming.

Keep up the good work, Jack

Sent by Jack Burrington | 2:13 PM ET | 06-27-2007

This is my first post, but certainly not the first time I've read your blog and thoroughly examined all of the comments sent in by your wonderful contributors. Even if I miss a day, am sick, or out of town, I always look up the archives and read every word. I was diagnosed with agressive prostate cancer two years ago and, while I'm doing better medically, I'm a loooooong way from getting my head wrapped securely around the psychology of this disease. It seems like everyone I know has cancer: I lost a friend to melanoma about a month ago, a co-worker was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor several weeks later, the young mother next door is recovering from breast cancer and I wouldn't be surprised if the phone rang any time today to let me know that an old friend and co-worker (currently in the hospital) has succumbed to colon cancer. Personally, I grieve the life I had before all of this happened. I'm angry that so many of us are living with the constant reminders of this illness, while millions go cluelessly along their way. I' m jealous of my friends who have had rad prostatectomies, as I did, and sailed right through. I found myself with a rising PSA and 40 trips through the radiation room.
While my last two blood scans have been "ok", I live in anxiety of the next one and the possible results it may bring. I'm yet to get up the guts to walk into a support group (don't even know if one exists around here). But having said all that.....don't write me off as a wacko, this cancer blog has enabled me to hold onto my sanity and gain an immeasurable amout of strength from Leroy and everyone who writes in every day. Yes, keep writing, at least five times a week. I can't imagine what my life would be like without it.

Sent by Tim | 2:16 PM ET | 06-27-2007

I can't imagine a day without your post and bloggers' comments. Can't imagine a day without your eloquence and heart, you are a doll and have changed my life by doing this post and opening up a network of people connected by circumstance in otherwise-timeless worlds. Thank you thank you thank you !! Love from Sherri in Texas, dx BC 4-06

Sent by Sherri Eggleston | 3:15 PM ET | 06-27-2007

Leroy, The compassion you convey toward all cancer patients as well as all those suffering in the world due to hunger, war, and disease, and your dedication to consistently offering the wisdom and perspective of your daily words is an inspiration to us all in our efforts. Making the world a better place in whatever way we can touch other lives with whatever time we have here on earth is true purpose!
Whether cancer is in the forefront or background of my thoughts on a given day, I always want to know how you are doing and what you are thinking. All the best to you, Leroy!

Sent by Karen Quinn | 3:16 PM ET | 06-27-2007

erday, I was busy doing little projects with my son who is visiting from California. I felt bad about missing the Blog, honestly I missed it so much. What you do is help all of us forget the monster, if even for a moment. We are trying to help each other through this, and that gives me great solice. Thinking about the disease, in this way, is cleansing, at least for me. I appreciate, so much, what you do each and every day. It helps a great deal whan you know you are not alone. We all deal with this in our own way, to participate in this forum helps so much. Thanks again, Stan

Sent by Stan Wozniak | 4:13 PM ET | 06-27-2007

Dear Bill, thank you so very much for your eloquent post. It's one of the things that makes this blog so very REAL and comforting. My prayers are with you and your family. Thank you again.

Sent by sasha | 4:28 PM ET | 06-27-2007

Leroy, thanks for giving us this present on a daily basis. You are most correct cancer does not take a day off in our lives, so maybe focusing on it for a period of time helps with dealing. Sitting down, think about how it is affecting us, and then get on with the living.
I missied reading the blog for a couple of days cause cancer didn't give me a day off. I ran a temperature on Monday, and of course on chemo you can't ignore them. Ended up spending 2 days in the hospital on antibiotics. It could have been worse, I wasn't that sick, just felt stupid being there. What was I worried about, with low counts could I still get my next chemo. Since Cancer doesn't take a day off - we really don't get any either.

Sent by Rita | 5:25 PM ET | 06-27-2007

I just wanted to say that I am so thankful for this blog. I met a woman through here who's father was ill with cancer- just as mine is. We have e-mailed back and forth numerous times. I sent her one this morning expressing my concerns that my father could be nearing the end. I was not prepared to hear her response that her father passed away yesterday. My heart aches for her. But I feel that without this blog I could not have met her and hear her story. She has helped me through my bad days and I just want to help her through hers right now. If anyone has any extra prayers or well wishes - our friend Robyn could use them. Thank you all for being so honest and open and helping us get through our days a little easier.

Sent by April | 5:45 PM ET | 06-27-2007

Thank you for doing this every day no matter what. I have been reading for about a year now and it's been a year full of scares and work at overcoming qulaity of life issues following treatment but so far no signs of recurrence. I come here every day to read, and it's mainly to know I'm not alone.

Sent by N.R. | 6:13 PM ET | 06-27-2007

Leroy: I am thankful for this blog...and as you know.. i'm finishing up residency in less than 48 hours.. thanks to those readers who left me lasting sound advice for my career ahead of me, and thanks Leroy for being such an advocate for cancer awareness.

Your thoughts are empowering...

Krupali

Sent by krupali tejura md | 6:13 PM ET | 06-27-2007

It's kind of strange, I've gotten so used to you coming into my blog everyday...well, it's the way I know that you are ok...and I think I've gotten very attached to your well-being, no matter how tenuous that may be. Odd, to think how cancer might facilitate relationship somehow. Perhaps I find that I take relationships, no matter how big or small, for granted in a way, until there may not be tomorrow...or next week...or next month. If you write, I know you are strong enough to write, and that's a very good thing.

Sent by M. Goldberg | 6:26 PM ET | 06-27-2007

Robyn.............prayers and condolences to you and your loved ones.

Sent by sasha | 6:31 PM ET | 06-27-2007

April and Robyn: How amazing that you found each other through this blog and that you have each other for support now in this very difficult time in your lives. You will learn alot from each other, I'm sure.

My heart is especially with Robyn right now. Blessings and love to you both.

Sent by Sandra Shuler | 6:33 PM ET | 06-27-2007

I have read this for several months now, heavily depending on it for my emotional nourishment. At this point I need to read it daily. Thank you for your diligence in sticking to your daily schedule.We are all soulmates on this blog, and soulmates need a daily dose of each other. Thanks for understanding this so fully and perfectly.

Sent by June | 6:39 PM ET | 06-27-2007

I hope you look at my message. I know I'm at the end of the day so you might not. I was a caretaker in Cancer World. My husband, Pat, fought the good fight for 22 months with lung cancer with brain mets.

There was something that I never understood. Pat would never acknowledge his cancer. He went on to oversee Ford's corporate annual report--something he had retired from 2 years before. He went on with life with a vengeance. He had been walking 3 miles a day with a kayak ride on our lake every other day. He kept that routine as long as he could.

As it turned out, I think he thought about his cancer a lot--just not with me. That's okay because I found out in the beginning that when I thought he needed to cry it was because I needed to cry. Once I realized that that was about me and not about him I could deal with it. After that I gave him his dignity and his space.

And, at the end, he had thought about it a lot. He told me, when he decided he would have no more interventions, what funeral home he wanted, what suit with which shirt he wanted and which tie. (Pat was very particular about what he wore).

So, I guess some things are better kept to ourselves--we can't forget that 1) whatever keeps our loved one going, we have to accept with dignity and grace, and 2) our partner has the absolute right to set the pace on what is said and what is not.

Obviously Pat had his whole energy going into living but once he realized that that wasn't going to be, that's when he made his wants known.

Good luck and God bless.

Kathy

Sent by Kathy Barney | 7:29 PM ET | 06-27-2007

I confess I do not read your blog everyday. I need a break from your, mine and everyones cancer. But I never get a break anyway as everyone I know wants to talk about it. Does anyone run into talking about cancer while dining out? Calling it The Big C or turning into whispers so one does not upset others who might be listening. It is the first topic of conversation when anyone calls. I am tired of it. So I have let some of my friends know it is not the first thing I want to talk about. I need a break and I think they do also.

I wonder what other names people call cancer so others have no idea what you are really talking about. I had a friend who died from brain cancer - she called her cancer Fred. She would say Fred is back. Like a bad lover coming back into her life. I accepted that nickname but found it strange that she could not call it cancer. Leroy do you have a nickname for yur cancer? I do but cannot write it here as it contains loads of cusswords.

Sometimes Cancer makes ya plain insane!
Carole

Sent by Carole Ehlers | 7:30 PM ET | 06-27-2007

First, I want to thank you, Leroy, for writing the blog everyday. I do understand that somedays, it gets very depressing. I visit the site daily, well numerous times during the day, but on some of my "good" days, I don't dwell on the site. So THANK YOU for sticking with us!

On a different note, I have been waiting to hear from Elizabeth, who also has Hurthle Cell Thyroid cancer. She asked me to email her, but I don't have her email address. I would love to get in contact with her--she is the only other person I have come in contact with that has "my cancer". I have alot of questions regarding my upcoming treatment in August and would like to get her perspective and share notes! :)

This is all for now--Elizabeth--please contact me at tdockery@duotel.com. I'll offer my email out to anyone needing someone to talk to you. We can't go through it alone! Leroy--you are always in my prayers; well actually all of you bloggers in in my prayers! With love!!!

Sent by Tess from KY | 7:42 PM ET | 06-27-2007

Hi LeRoy. This is the first time I have written. I watched "Living With Cancer" and have since enjoyed your blogs. For the first time,I attended a support group meeting today for stage 4-metastatic cancer peope. I really enjoyed it and one of the reasons is because it is like your blog. You realize that you are not in this cancer thing alone. It is so comforting to know that other people are going through the same emotions, symptons, etc. as you are. So thank you so much for your blog each day. I think often of you and all the other people who are reading and responding to your blog.

Sent by Jo Paola | 8:26 PM ET | 06-27-2007

You are an impressive person and an inspiration.

Sent by Gregg | 9:10 PM ET | 06-27-2007

Leroy- I, for one, am extremely grateful for your efforts. I am the daughter of a cancer patient and even though the cancer is not in MY body, I still fell like it is "my cancer." It is difficult watching someone you love go through hell. Even though my father may be seated in the first row of the rollercoaster, my family is all seated behind him. I am comforted greatly by your journal.

You make a difference- thanks

Sent by elizabeth | 9:36 PM ET | 06-27-2007

Hi Leroy,

A year is a long time. I started reading the blog when I learned about it after the CNN program. I cannot thank you enough for this blog. I think of it as a community - a community I now belong to. On a daily basis I am inspired and affirmed. Thank you so much. You are appreciated.

Sent by Kim Barbato | 10:02 PM ET | 06-27-2007

Hi Leroy. I'm new to your blog. Only a couple of weeks now. My uncle has a brain tumor. About 4 months ago he woke up one morning and could not move his right arm or leg. After several tests and a biopsy he discovered he had a Stage 4 Glioblastoma Multiforme tumor. It is located inside the left side of his brain where your motor skills are located. Surgery is not an option. So he started radiation and chemo simultaneously for 35 days. In the mean time, the steroids for his side caused him to develope Medically induced diabetes and A-fib in his heart. He was on 4 insulin shots a day and about 28 pills a day. All these pills kept causing side effects so he had to take more pills to counter those effects. He was hospitalized twice. One time to drain 15 lbs of fluid from his body caused by the A-fib. He had not taste sensation the whole time, so he did not eat. Now he's off the radiation and chemo and all of the drugs are leaving his system and he's getting his taste back. He's starting to feel as normal as one can with cancer. He just had his latest MRI and the doctors can't tell if the tumor is smaller, larger, or broken up. They basically said they had no advice for him and that they would support whatever he decides to do. I don't know what he will do, but is it worth all of that just to to be right back where you started? I guess this is where the question of quality vs. quantity comes in. I was just wondering what your thoughts on this would be? Keep fighting the fight and I'll put you in my prayers right along side my uncle. Keep doing what your doing. It gives me hope for my uncle. Take care.

Sent by Jeff | 11:46 PM ET | 06-27-2007

A special note of thanks to Kathy Barney for your comments above. You seem to have handled your particular situation with much grace, respect and generous understanding! Your words were an encouragement to me.

Sent by Vicky (NY) | 9:10 AM ET | 06-28-2007

Leroy,
Thank you for continuing with the blog. I try to read it daily and make a point of catching up with it if I'm away from the computer for a few days. I saw a note by Karen referring to kindness and had to reflect back to Naomi Nye's poem of the same name. The poem starts off by saying, "Before you know what kindness really is you must lose things." She goes on to say, "Before you know kindness as the deepest thing inside, you must know sorry as the other deepest thing." Those of us who have been diagnosed with cancer or who are intimately connected with someone with the disease know that deep sense of sorrow and loss, loss of possible hopes and dreams for ourselves and those whom we care about. Nye goes on to end the poem with the stanza, "Then it is only kindness that makes sense anymore, only kindness ties your shoes and sends you out into the day to mail letters and purchase bread, only kindness that raises its head from the crowd of the world to say it is I you have been looking for, and then goes with you everywhere like a shadow or a friend."

Your act of writing brings kindness to all of us, to give and to share. Thanks so much.

betsey kuzia

Sent by betsey kuzia | 12:33 PM ET | 06-28-2007

innonence,
funny you should be thinking of it. I had a similar thought the other day. I am trying to establish some form of fitness again, and was thinking how my first marathon had conditioned me to think of all things physical and under 4hrs as much easier having accomplished the feat of a marathon. When I completed my first,(and hopefully, not the last) Ironman in Wisconsin in 2003, that sets my mindset up that once focused, there is no physical challenge that is insurmountable, under 14hrs of course. After my radiation treatments, I view life in a similar manner. There are bigger fish to fry and most arguements and problems are superficial at best. This attitude, I find is very introspective and held in view of only myself. The physical accomplishments prior was more of a chest-out declaration of accomplishment and self confidence. Having survived the ill as well as the treatment, it is still a much quieter success and less heralded accomplishment. I don't know why that is. It may be the stigma that this disease still has on me, and society perhaps. By far, what I went through and survived, and what others have been through and survived is by far more of an accomplishment than any physical "game" that can be played. Now, I think, I look through eyes that are not necessarily jaded, just weary and still a little tired. I hope, in time, that it subsides.
To all of you out there, I want to congratulate you all on something that not everyone has the strength to do. You have beat cancer. The battles within are always the toughest and least acknowledged. Again, I commend you all!
stay safe, stay strong.
lance

Sent by Lance Carlson | 1:50 PM ET | 06-28-2007

I am having a terrible time getting away from my cancer. I am spending every moment planning for my uncoming stem cell transplant. I am franticaly trying to finish up projects at work, get my affairs in order, try to locate money sources and all that fun stuff.

I hope this all falls into place because I hope I haven't wasted all this precious time for nothing.

Sent by Jill | 2:44 PM ET | 06-28-2007

Yes, your daily blog is here as a pillar of strength for all of us going through this same suffocating sentence.
But I suspect there are other readers, voyeurs into the cancer world, who raise their arms and scream at the terrible vicarious thrill of your roller coaster ride. When you stop writing, will it happen gradually, miss a day here and there and there and then realize there've been more misses than posts? Will the voyeur???s suspense build or will they lose interest and stop checking for updates? I'm glad NPR compensates you and that your motive for doing this seems pure. But consider that the fight of your life is on public display to your fellow cancer patients, the voyeurs, and all those in between.

Sent by Mary V | 2:51 PM ET | 06-28-2007

I have read your blog since viewing the television special. Each day you put into words so many of my feelings, thoughts and emotions even when I went on vacation recently. It's as if you're inside of me, speaking for me. Thank you. We are all indeed in this together.

Sent by Sandra | 7:33 PM ET | 06-28-2007

Dear Robyn,
As I read April's post, I was touched by the compassion you and she have shared for each other, and then to read your father had lost his fight, I wanted to offer my condolences to you and your family. What a gift the two of you have been given to help each other walk this path as caregivers, and to share your hopes and heartaches, and I could feel the love you not only share for your family members, but for each other as well. I am certain you would much rather have met under different circumstances, but God brings us together when we need each other the most, and I am happy you have each other to lean on at such a sad time in your life. You have all of us as well, but I can tell the bond you have formed with April will last a lifetime, and it is bittersweet, but a gift nonetheless.
I would like to thank you and all the caregivers who support us for not only giving your time helping us fight the fight, but giving your hearts as well. I am so sorry for your loss, and if I can help in any way, please feel free to let me know and I will be happy to be there for you, just as you have tirelessly been there for us.
I wish you peace at this painful time, and send my love and prayers to you and your family. Take care, Robyn.

With Love, Briana

Sent by briana | 10:23 PM ET | 06-28-2007

Take a few moments "off" and plan your next trip to Hawaii...

Sent by john | 10:08 PM ET | 07-01-2007

Leroy, Your blog today hit home. I recently returned to Hawaii and the joy of snorkling in warm clear water. As orange and green, blue and red fish swam past, I was in tears with gratitude that I was alive and able to have that experience again. Didn't think I would make it to another year or to another trip.

One day at a time...

Peggy

Sent by Peggy Miles | 9:24 AM ET | 09-04-2007