Hoping for a clean scan Leroy. After chemo I treat myself to a large vanilla carvell cone. Every week. good luck.

Sent by Cheryl McDowell | 5:42 AM ET | 06-06-2007

Good Luck Leroy. I just had my scans 2 weeks ago and felt the same way. The day of the scans I just kept thinking is my life going to change or can it keep going the way its going now. I was lucky the results were good and I get to keep living a "normal" life. Like you said if the results are bad then everything changes and you get thrown back into the cancer world of treatments and feeling bad from treatments. I hope we hear great news from you tomorrow. I will be praying for you, hang in there

Sent by Linda | 6:42 AM ET | 06-06-2007

Leroy, best wishes today. As my French friend says, "Bon Courage!".

I am hoping that the silence of your body turns out to be a good news. My husband, who had pancreatic cancer, used to say, "my body is talking to me and what it is telling me is not good news". He always knew before anyone else, before any scan told him, when his status had changed for the worse.

So, good luck today and enjoy lunch!

Sent by Marilyn | 7:06 AM ET | 06-06-2007

Just want to say good luck. However, I really don't believe in luck. Just believe in what will be will be. I hope "what will be" will be NO CANCER found. Praying God's Peace to surround you this day.

Sent by Mary Jo | 7:09 AM ET | 06-06-2007

Good morning Leroy, I just wanted to wish you good luck with the scans today. I have very strong feelings that you are going to get good results. You have too many guardian angels watching over you and besides this month marks the first anniversary of the blog; all good things are to come. Prayers and blessings as always.

P.S. Enjoy the cheese steak !

Sent by sasha | 7:12 AM ET | 06-06-2007

Dear Leroy,

This has got be my favorite post by you so far. I wish you all the best with your scans and hope you enjoy your sandwich.

God speed.

Sent by Gloria Lovett | 7:31 AM ET | 06-06-2007

I think that this is one of the parts of living with cancer that is hard for others to understand. If you haven't had to go repeatedly for scans that your future hinges on, it's hard to imagine the tension that it brings. I tried to explain it to my brother once, and he wasn't getting it. I just finally said "Welcome to my world." I think that all we can do to prepare, as silly as it sounds is to just remember to breathe. Oh....except when the disimbodied voice from the other side of the wall while we're in the CAT scanner says to hold our breath!

Sent by Nancy K. Clark | 7:31 AM ET | 06-06-2007

Leroy, I do hope your scans are ok. My brother Jeff has brain cancer. Has been fighting almost 5 yrs now. We got his results back on Monday. The tumors area almost double in size. HIs last MRI's have been bad. Since he was diagnoised almost 5 yrs ago, He does not qualify for the new trials available here at Duke. Basically, they are sending him home to die. He is going to try herbal medicine I think. Do you have any advise? Best of luck to you. I hate cancer.

Sent by elizabeth bradford | 7:33 AM ET | 06-06-2007

I hope your scan went well and you are celebrating! What a difference in care we have...I had a scan last week and learned my results just yesterday...It was hard waiting and I have new growth.
So I am consoling myself with chocolate.
Funny how the scans have become the gage on how we live our lives.
Good luck again,
Miriam

Sent by Miriam | 7:49 AM ET | 06-06-2007

Heartfelt thoughts and prayers are with you today, Leroy.

And do enjoy that cheese steak.

Sent by Vicky (NY) | 7:51 AM ET | 06-06-2007

Sending good thoughts your way!! Praying that you are NED!!

I have scans this coming Monday- MRI of brain followed by PET/CT of rest of me. Always a nervous time no matter what I do. Results available the following Monday when I meet with oncologist. I could find out the results sooner but I'm ok with waiting to meet with oncologist.

You'll be celebrating with a big cheese steak when you shake hands with NED again.

Best wishes and prayers always.

Sent by Al Cato | 8:02 AM ET | 06-06-2007

I am sending positive thoughts and prayers your way.... be positive and chase the evil humors away.

Fingers crossed (when not typing or writing) toes crossed (when not walking), eyes crossed (when not using them).

I am hoping for the cheese steak.

XO

Sent by Susan Chap | 8:04 AM ET | 06-06-2007

Leroy:

Sending good thoughts your way...

Sent by Krupali Tejura MD | 8:15 AM ET | 06-06-2007

Leroy--you have been in my thoughts and prayers since you told us last week of the upcoming scans. I agree, there is no way to really prepare yourself for the results, whether good or bad. I enjoyed what you said though, "just another point on the road." I'm just nowlearning to deal with my cancer and I haven't really had any bad days the past couple of weeks. I think that's partly due to denial and has alot to do with this blog. I haven't had treatment yet, although I am beginning to become extremely anxious...treatment begins in August.

I was wondering if anyone on the blog has went through treatment for Hurthle cell thyroid cancer. I'll be coming off of my meds for two weeks and I want to try to prepare myself for how crappy I'm going to feel. My doc says I'll feel horrible. But then again, it's more than a fair trade to beat this horrible disease.

Leroy, please let us know what you find out as soon as you can...as always...I'll be saying a prayer for all of us! XOXOXO

With love!!!

Sent by Tess from KY | 8:20 AM ET | 06-06-2007

Dear Leroy,

I'm hoping for a very boring and uneventful day for you today -- let's keep the break going.

I'm glad to hear that you get the results right away. In my personal opinion, this lowers the stress level immeasurably. It should be arranged this way more often as keeping stress levels down in cancer patients/survivors is a VERY important part of our care.

We don't want to wait for the results, either!! Can you post again when you find out?

Sent by jane | 8:22 AM ET | 06-06-2007

Hi Leroy,

Carole Ehlers here, cannot sleep tonite, pain is bad, so read some of your old blogs. The one on feeling death is on the prowl. I feel that for myself now. I feel the cancer has spread. But since I am in a real shitty situation doesn't look as if there is much I can do about it. There is only two places in the US that does this surgery - Cleveland Clinic and John Hopkins. They might as be on the moon for my chance to get there.

Leroy, I must ask you this and I would like a reply from you. With all that you have been through if you had a choice to die by random fire on assignment in a war zone - no pain, die instantly or die this way with the cancer, long drawn out, scan after scan, surgery after surgery, chemo after chemo which way would you choose?

I think my cancer has gone to the liver. My skin is getting yellow. Do not have enough energy nor money to make it to the doctors not that I could get an appointment.

I hope and pray your test is clear. I have a good feeling it will be. Savor that first bite of cheese steak, yum I can taste it now....I'd probably toss it up but still yum.

Will be back to hear your results till then I'll hold on to that tiny hair of hope that keeps all of us in this world going.

Gentle Hugs, Carole

Sent by Carole Ehlers | 8:22 AM ET | 06-06-2007

I'll be thinking about you all day Leroy. Enjoy the cheese steak, I love your justification.

Sent by Lisa | 8:22 AM ET | 06-06-2007

Leroy,

You speak of "something... attacking your body." I find that kind of language paradoxical, when it comes to my cancer. Cancer isn't an infection from without, some bacterial or viral invader. My own body made my cancer. If anything, it's my body attacking itself.

It's interesting to me how eager we are to find a scapegoat, when it comes to cancer. We yearn for someone or something to blame. Sometimes there's a likely cause to which we can point (smoking, poor diet, some workplace exposure to chemicals). More often than not, our doctors shrug their shoulders and say, "We just don't know."

I hope and pray that your tests come out well. I just had the opposite result with my non-Hodgkin lymphoma, and am now scheduled for a surgical biopsy, so my oncologist can have a look-see at the microbiology of some swollen lymph nodes.

Prayers and good wishes go out to you, in this agonizing time of waiting. May you savor that cheesesteak with a light heart!

"A Pastor's Cancer Diary"
http://www.cewilton.blogspot.com

Sent by Carl Wilton | 8:31 AM ET | 06-06-2007

Leroy:

Don't you just hate missing coffee? I can't think of any emotions about scan day that you haven't expressed, Leroy. I'm always grateful that I don't have problems with claustrophobia when I'm in that big tube. I just close my eyes and 'go to the beach'. So glad you don't have to wait for the results; that's always the worst part for me. My next scan is Monday. Then we'll know whether Xeloda is helping or whether we have to reach back into the bucket for something else. And I'm wondering when the bottom of that bucket will appear. Hang in there, Leroy. No choice, right?

Stephanie: How did Tuesday go for you?

Sent by Sandra Shuler | 8:36 AM ET | 06-06-2007

Best of Luck Leroy

You are in my thoughts and prayers as you head out today!

It has been a VERRRY long time since I have had any scans or xrays or anything for that matter.. but the experience of waiting for the "news" is indellibly etched into my brain!

I had a chest xray, a couple years after my treatment, and the hospital called and said they "needed to retake the xray as they could see something but thought it was just a shadow"... my heart STOPPED! I went in, they accomodated me and immediately took me into the radiologists office while he read the film right then.. it was clean... my heart finally began to beat again...........

An experience you will NEVER forget!!

Good luck my friend!

I would like to invite anyone and everyone to check out our new blog which is a fully interactive system geared for cancer survivors to share and connect with each other...

http://www.canceradvocatescoalition.org/CSC

Sent by Ronald K. Bye | 8:39 AM ET | 06-06-2007

goodmorning leroy,
i sometimes used to wonder where i would be in my life ,at this time next year, that was all back "BC". these days, i like yourself and all the others wonder where i will be after the next barage of tests!
i am feeling really great these days since coming out of chemo and rads but then again i was feeling really great "BC".
so i guess , for me, now that i am truly living "after" cancer , i will take one day at a time for what it is worth and i will stop worrying about "next year".
God Bless you for this day and for all the joy that will come with today!

Sent by marianne dalton | 8:39 AM ET | 06-06-2007

Leroy, I will be thinking about you and hoping for the best. It was on a "routine scan" that my mets were found, so these scans scare the crap out of me also. I have confidence in your RFA and hope that they have not only killed your mets but told them to stay away.

Bring us some good news - although either way we will be here for you.

Jill

http://myspacejill.blogspot.com/

Sent by Jill | 8:40 AM ET | 06-06-2007

Leroy,

I will wait with great anticipation for your results. I was in your position just last week. It was my 18 month check-up. I was fortunate that the doctor and I were able to laugh and smile alot. And just like you afterwards I celebrated with a hugh burrito. I've been one of the silent readers and listeners for most of the first year. And will continue to enjoy everyone's highs (and lows) as we all go on the journey together.

Sent by Mack Turner | 8:50 AM ET | 06-06-2007

I wish you the best of luck with your scan. I understand completely and am getting the nervous doubt in my head too. I go back to see my oncologist next Tuesday for another maintenance, however I have issues I need to bring to the table this time. I don't know if they are necessarily "symptoms" as irritating glitches in my body.

In the last week 2 people I know have been told they have cancer. One with colon cancer and one with NHL. So of course bad things come in 3's right? Am I the to be the third?

I don't care for cheese steaks so well, but ice cream.....may have to make a pit stop for that. Good Luck

Sent by Beth Hime | 8:51 AM ET | 06-06-2007

Dear Leroy,
You are in my thoughts and prayers every day but especially this morning and I know that our community is with you in spirit. I hope that you can feel the love!
It is my wish that you are able to take a deep breath,laugh out loud and enjoy that cheese steak. But know that whatever the news is, you are loved and are held in many hearts. I am with you!

Sent by Judith Tynan | 8:51 AM ET | 06-06-2007

Here's hoping for a celebratory cheese steak! I'm all about food. That's why I gained 20lbs with my cancer!

We're all thinking of you Big L!

xo
Not So Little L

Sent by Lori Levin | 9:20 AM ET | 06-06-2007

LeRoy, Wishing you the best today. In the melanoma world we call this kind of worry scan-xiety. All of "us" patients are there with you, somehow. I hope you can feel our support.
Nancy-stage IV Melanoma

Sent by Nancy Mills | 9:21 AM ET | 06-06-2007

Although we don't know each other, I feel as though we are dear friends. Please know my friend that I'm thinking of you today. Stay strong and enjoy the cheese steak. I like mine with hot peppers and an ice cold beer.

Sent by alison | 9:22 AM ET | 06-06-2007

Leroy,
I am wishing you the best of news for your scan results. Enjoy that cheese steak!

Sent by Charlotte Kewish | 9:22 AM ET | 06-06-2007

Leroy,
Best of luck with the results from your scans. As a member of your new family, I anxiously wait to read your next blog. How wonderful that John Hopkins can give you the results so quickly! How humane of them... We had that kind of care in New York at Sloan
Kettering. That was "out of service" for our insurance and cost a fortune. They are terrific at what they do there and I credit them with saving my husbands life.
Now we are BACK UP HERE -in network- in Hartford where the "best" means waiting at times a week for results. The office may have received the results, but the"staff" can't give them to you, the MD has to. Waiting a week for results from tests, biopsies or scans- or longer if you don't nag the doctors to call you back with the results is an agony that needn't exist in 2007. How sad for all -patients and doctors.
My husband has just completed his trek from diagnosis -through surgeries and on passed Chemo. He is just entering the unkown land of * watch and wait* .
Lung cancer carries with it a stigma and a painful fight with an addiction (he is seven months, smoke free) some can fight it and many can not.
I am the spouse and proud companion to my courageous husband as he hacks his way through the jungles of cancer survival.
Best wishes and thank you for the forum that this blog is.

Sent by Debbie | 9:22 AM ET | 06-06-2007

Good Morning, Leroy. I hope by now you've had good news. I am not going to say a word about the cheese steak. My CEA was up a little last time, but I don't worry. Worry doesn't help. We'll just see if it is a trend in July, and take it from there. I figure every day I have is gravy. Hereditary breast cancer killed my great grandmother at the age of 34 in 1895. I'm 46, and carry the same mutation. Cancer has taught me above all else, to be here now.

Sent by Alycia Keating | 9:34 AM ET | 06-06-2007

Leroy, I'm hanging in there with you. I know how tough it is.

Sent by Ruth White | 9:55 AM ET | 06-06-2007

I am praying for you with all appendages crossed, may it only be good news!!!
Best, Estelle

Sent by Estelle | 10:05 AM ET | 06-06-2007

Well, I have the results of my scan and have seen the surgeon. I have a mass about the size of a pineapple (without the leaves on top) and I am going to have it out Thursday of next week. It is most likely the pancreatic cancer returned which means this surgery is just palliative, but if it makes me more comfortable and buys me some quality time, then I am all for it. At this time, it seems like it will be a straightforward surgery with a relatively short recuperation time (4 weeks -- a piece of cake after my first surgery). I am choosing to feel optomistic about this. I get some time at home with my grandson in the warm summer time. I can sit outside and enjoy the sun, the birds and my garden. It could be worse.

Sent by Stephanie Dornbrook | 10:06 AM ET | 06-06-2007

Dear Laroy,
My prayers and thoughts are with you today mor than any other. "scan day" is harrowing for all of us. I hate the feeling of being powerless.As I lay in the machine I try to envision a cancer/tumor free healthy body. But we all know that machines aren't physchic and the results are what they are and they are "real." I use to wait almost a week for my results and i would imagine some dreadful scenarios in that long time. Now, like you Leroy, I get my resluts within hours. If 'knowledge is power' then it's best to get results sooner than later.I think we all need to feel in control over this. The "limbo" of waiting for results is filled with worry and inaction.
Laroy,I liked you after I saw the discovery show and my hero, Lance. I liked you more after I found this blog and a community that i can laugh and cry with. But now leroy I can say "I Love You" To paraphrase a movie line: 'You had me at 'cheese steak...grease and melted cheese'.
My scan,next week,is in Philadelphia'cheese steak capital of the world'. Should I celebrate (console) myself at Geno's or Pat's. I'm already salivating. I'm hoping that's the only major decision i'll have to make that day.

Sent by nancy lavelle | 10:15 AM ET | 06-06-2007

Leroy,

I feel pretty certain that I speak for more people than myself. Let us know ASP what gives with you. As our blog buddy, we all care and are not as anxious as you, but anxious nonetheless. Hoping for the best possible outcome!

Sent by Diana Kitch | 10:23 AM ET | 06-06-2007

Godspeed Leroy. You have brought much comfort, lots of hope and even some joy to "our" recent membership into the Cancer world. My husband's scan results will be tomorrow as we waited 5 long days, must be the busiest doctors in Boston! Cancer survivors we are from diagnosis on day #1! [March 1 2007 ]

Sent by Cyn | 10:28 AM ET | 06-06-2007

Dear Leroy,

You have been teaching all of us how to overcome with humor, grace and style. You know that you have the strength, the courage and the grace to overcome whatever may come. All of this, cancer included, is life, and another step on the road. You will make that step o.k.

Enjoy your philly cheese steak. Only the best of thoughts for you, now and always,

Mo

Sent by Mo Spikes | 10:33 AM ET | 06-06-2007

Thinking of you Leroy, thankful for your clarity and readiness for whatever the scan brings, and happy you already have a culinary pleasure on the agenda too. With you in solidarity and hope!

Sent by Sarah | 11:00 AM ET | 06-06-2007

Good luck, Leroy! We will all look forward to your results. My thoughts are with you today.

Sent by Melanie McClanahan | 11:12 AM ET | 06-06-2007

Throw in a chocolate milkshake on top of the cheese steak!! Tough day, my best wishes and a little prayer for "clean".

Sent by Jenene/AZ | 11:15 AM ET | 06-06-2007

We're there with you.....

Sent by Kay | 11:16 AM ET | 06-06-2007

Hi Leroy, I know exactly what you are going through. Last Thursday was scan day for me. I had to wait until Monday for the results. Not good. I was pretty sure that I had a new tumor at my primary site in my leg due to terrible pain. What I wasn't prepared for was a new lung met. A double whammy. Now I'm facing a leg amputation and more lung surgery. Fortunately, the lung met is in a good spot (!!) so a less invasive procedure might work this time instead of another open chest surgery. On top of everything else, I have to find a new orthopedic surgeon becasue I was "fired" by my original one for being just a bit too outspoken about my care. Too bad I'm a vegetarian. A cheese steak is sounding really good right now!

Sent by Debbie | 11:35 AM ET | 06-06-2007

Leroy: I have Ovarian Cancer. Chemo is not helping much this time. Lots of discomfort. Your blog gets me through the days. You will never know how much it helps. (like having a best friend) I hope today goes well. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I so much hated the words its back. Please be okay. D. Maloy

Sent by Diana Maloy | 11:37 AM ET | 06-06-2007

You're in my thoughts and prayers, Leroy. I know what it's like to have to wait for results - and I always seem to get them on Fridays.

I enjoy reading your blog and readers' comments; it helps me feel connected to "friends" dealing with cancer.

Sent by S. S. | 11:52 AM ET | 06-06-2007

I know how you feel about scan days. I almost wish that they would tell me the day before the scans that I will be having them. That way I won't think about the scans for two or three weeks before they happen. Waiting for results is so scary. Please Lord let me hear good news. To me that would mean a decrease in tumor size or no growth. I'm not that picky anymore. No growth/status quo seems to be good news. I wish you well on your journey.
Judith

Sent by Judith | 11:53 AM ET | 06-06-2007

Leroy, Well news is news snf scan results are just that. Due to the chemo treatment I'm using I've been having to wait for results for a while now ( it takes up to 4 months for the cancer markers to settle out so it's like going sailing in a fog. I've come to terms with the unknowns by focusing on the fact that my worrying about things won't change them. I'll wait and see the results and then armed with information my docotrs and I will make decisions on what or what not will be our next action.
So while you and all of us, who are supporting you, wait for results of your scan, let us know how the new cheese steak place measures up.
Ciao,

Sent by Susan M | 11:58 AM ET | 06-06-2007

LeRoy,
First I wish you good luck with your scans today. May these scan results be in a long line of clean results.

My next scan is in the week of the 28th of this month. It will be the first scan since brachytherapy treatment at the end of April. I don't count the scan I had two weeks after the treatment because it was to close to the end of the therapy and cancer was going to show up anyway.

I wish there was something I could have to celebrate or console me for my results. I have no bottom teeth so it is difficult for me to have a pizza or big fat juicy burger. Maybe I could do a root beer float. They are not special because I have had those through out the process.
Enough of this rambling. Again I wish you well on your results.

Sent by Clark | 12:18 PM ET | 06-06-2007

Here's hoping that you are enjoying that cheesesteak right now with a greasey grin on your face.

Also keeping up hopes for good news from Gretchen H. and Stephanie D.

Sent by Sheara | 12:25 PM ET | 06-06-2007

Leroy, I love your insights. I've lived with cancer for almost 20 years now -- stage 4 for ten years! I KNOW exactly what you mean about scan day. I will have a cheese steak sandwich in Seattle in your honor. Know that so many of us are walking with you on this strange journey. Thanks so much for sharing YOUR thoughts with us all.

Sent by Meredith McClendon | 12:38 PM ET | 06-06-2007

Good Luck Leroy! Our prayers are with you!

Sent by Allison Galvan | 12:39 PM ET | 06-06-2007

GOOD LUCK, GOOD LUCK, AND GOOD LUCK!!!!!

Sent by grace | 12:49 PM ET | 06-06-2007

Leroy, It is difficult to control the emotions that run through you on this day. Cancer causes so much difficulty in it's wake. The range of emotions are hard to comprehend, joy, sorrow, despair, hope, anger, hatred, fear, and those are all within a few minutes. The roller coaster ride of emotion is very difficult to deal with for me. I try to remain even and controlled, but it is very hard for me. I know exactly how you are feeling today, I hope it is nothing but good news. All the best, Stan

Sent by Stan Wozniak | 12:51 PM ET | 06-06-2007

Leroy,

As a fellow nsclc, stage IV person I can really feel where you are today. So many tests and so many days of waiting for news. Really glad you will get news before leaving hospital. The hardest part of many of these tests is waiting days for the outcome. Our thoughts are with you. We enjoy your daily messages so much. We will be waiting for your news tomorrow morning

Sent by jerry morris | 12:58 PM ET | 06-06-2007

You're on my mind today Leroy. I do the same thing. Before my CT scans to see if my pulmonary fibrosis has advanced, I do this whole mental dance trying to prepare. It only works when I get good news. Grin! I go to a lot of doctor appointments at the University of Kansas because HPS affects several organ systems etc. I have two this week. The up side - the really great Cajun or Lebonese restaurants right near the hospital. I hope you're getting good news right now!

Sent by Heather Kirkwood | 1:07 PM ET | 06-06-2007

I hope you enjoy that cheese steak with a smile. Good luck today.

Sent by jessie | 1:07 PM ET | 06-06-2007

Leroy,
All the best today. Many of us ???out here??? will be thinking of you. The uncertainty never really goes away, does it?
And enjoy that cheese steak! I grew up in Philadelphia, where a good cheese steak is one of the basic four food groups.

Sent by Maggie | 1:10 PM ET | 06-06-2007

Leroy - I'm a 46 year old breast cancer survivor, just finishing radiation treatment after surgery/chemo........I'm praying for you today and holding my breath you'll be eating that cheese steak in celebration!!! Either way, you're right - you'll be ok!!!! We're all going to be ok because we'll find something to celebrate each day!!! Best wishes and thanks for everything you've done for all of us to put the true face on this disease and to open your heart and soul.

Sent by Ruth Chermok | 1:37 PM ET | 06-06-2007

I hope it was a celebratory cheese steak! Keep us posted, my thoughts are with you.

Sent by Sara | 1:45 PM ET | 06-06-2007

Good luck Leroy and I'm thinking about you.
It's funny, but I live in an area that has really good medical care, but it's hidden up here in the Northwest. Whenever I have any kind of test, be it x-ray, CT scan or MRI my doctors get the results almost immediately. Well, the MRI might take a couple of hours, but my appointments are set so that I can have lunch in between. I just wonder why so many commentors on this blog seem to experience waiting periods of up to a week. Is this in high population areas only? Just curious.

I had an MRI a week ago Monday which showed more tumors in my brain, and opting out of Gamma Knife (which I had in Jan.) I am now taking whole brain radiation. Like you said, We discuss and work out a plan. I hope you just get the visiting part, and not the planning part!

Me, I'm hoping that bringing homemade cookies to the Dr. and staff gives me some good karma. Couldn't hurt :)
Now, hang in there.
Jill

Sent by Jill Schaudt | 2:00 PM ET | 06-06-2007

Let me add to the hundreds of comments that are waiting for you - I hope the scans were clean.

David had his scans a couple of weeks ago - it was a week before we got the results (still NED, melanoma, and at 16 months, this is the longest stretch yet). You don't realize how much you stress until you get the results. I wish our waiting was shorter, or at least a consistent time. This was one of the longest waits - I had convinced myself that they weren't returning my phone calls because the doctor wanted to call us personally. Turns out that they were short-handed!

We hate the scanxiety so much that we decided to have them every 4 months instead of every 3.

Sent by Erica | 2:05 PM ET | 06-06-2007

I'm thinking of you. The road your treatment took brings hope to many people. Your attitude also brings hope.

Sent by isabel costa | 2:42 PM ET | 06-06-2007

Leroy,

good luck today with the scans...it's nice that you don't have to wait for the results.. it often seems as if all i do is wait....i have surrendered to the cancer waiting game...
sending you positive thoughts from california

yvette

Sent by Yvette | 3:01 PM ET | 06-06-2007

Mr. Sievers, My prayers are with you as you go through your tests today. I wish you peace and strength during this process.

One month ago I too sat in a cold waiting room decorated in brown and beige colors (to look "cozy"), flipping through magazines while trying not to hear the reactions of fellow patients as doctors called them into the darkened hallway to whisper their mammogram, ultrasound or biopsy results.

The brains behind the "relaxed, spa-like feel" of many of today's hospitals obviously never waited naked under a white terrycloth robe in a room full of strangers, wondering if they were going to get a pink, GO HOME pass, or a white GO STRAIGHT TO JAIL card. "Would you like some tea, or a cookie?," the nurse would ask us during an occasional pass-by of what I now term the LIMBO Room. We'd all just glance up with a slight smile. Valium, maybe, cookies and tea, no thanks.

To me the whole process is very sadistic, let's take a picture of you and let you wait, sometimes hours, sometimes days, for the pass/fail result that will determine, well, everything. Yet, sadly, I don't know a better alternative.

For now, I don't need to return to the LIMBO room until next year, due the clearer views of new digital imaging scans and a lot of prayers on my part. But the fear involved, and the faces of my fellow patients, has remained with me, and I pray for them everyday.

Godspeed, Mr. Siever. You are a true hero to all of us.

Amy

Sent by Amy | 3:03 PM ET | 06-06-2007

Hi again Leroy,
Now I see why there are no comments. . . there is some problem and it doesn't go through. . . but I'm going to try again.

My thoughts and prayers are with you today as you go for your scans and get the results.

Enjoy your philly cheesesteak. . . I love them and found a good place here in Michigan!

Good luck!

- Margo

Sent by Margo Gerber | 3:24 PM ET | 06-06-2007

I get scans at six-month intervals (stage III melanoma). My last scans were two weeks ago. I prepared by asking my loved ones to pray for me. Their return emails showing support gave me strength. I waited four days for the results. I tried to keep busy while I waited. For some reason my knees didn't buckle although I had butterflies in my stomach. The scans were good. It means I can try to enjoy the summer. We take what we can.

It's 3:45PM EST and I can't explain why no comments have yet been posted. Perhaps we are too freightened as we await your scan results. Please give us good news, Leroy.

Sent by Bob A. | 3:49 PM ET | 06-06-2007

Twirling in butterfly wings???.It was a year ago May that my body went numb, my world stood still, and that jolt of fear settled in the pit of my stomach. I went from having a funny little dimple, to seeing something on the ultra sound screen, to seeing a large mass in the left breast and several lymph nodes, to a positive report on the hip biopsy, to those dreaded words???.Stage 4 BC Mets. Like too many others, I am now a veteran of scans, MRIs, bone biopsies, daily hormone inhibitors, monthly infusions, a mastectomy, physical therapy, and radiation. I have found strength and courage that I couldn???t have begun to imagine I was capable of. I have been humbled and overwhelmed by the outpouring of support from family, friends, co-workers, and employers. I have tried to stay strong in body and spirit in order to be worthy of their prayers and encouragement and through it all have fully come to know the amazing power of a friendship circle.

During an early rads session, lying on the table with arms above my head, I felt a tear slowly trickle down my cheek and I prayed that the dam would not let go. As I was willing the tear to quickly dry up Mike, a member of my incredible radiation team, began telling me that over the weekend he had bought his young daughter butterfly wings for her birthday and she had spent the day twirling in her wings. The image of being a young girl twirling in butterfly wings has since carried me through many fragile moments.

For the past seven years I have journeyed with my husband through his intense battle with cancer. I often told him how remarkable he was ???that if it ever happened to me I was certain that I could never be as strong or courageous as he. He assured me I was wrong, and thankfully he was right.

I don???t know what tomorrow brings or what the next scheduled scan in July will show, but I do know that even though I am always frightened, I am a strong fighter. I also know that during those times when I am very, very fragile I can always twirl in my imaginary butterfly wings.

Life is good. It???s just cancer that sucks.

Bonita

Sent by Bonita Rostenbach | 3:52 PM ET | 06-06-2007

Pray your scans came out all right. Eat that cheesesteak anyway. My husband is from Philly and he would love one. Going for my CAT tomorrow and don't know when I will get the results (a day or the following week when I see Oncologist). Worried because have had a cough for at least a month now. Also they called a left me a message to call. Too late when got home from work so more worry that they are changing appointment and I have to take pre meds because allergic to dye. My husband said we are going and will insist on the test tomorrow. It's also our wedding anniversary so we are going to celebrate no matter what!

Sent by Vicki (FL) | 5:43 PM ET | 06-06-2007

It seems pretty clear - most of us like cheesesteaks. Try getting a Philly cheesesteak in Utah where I live now. HA!!!I did a lot of doctoring at Penn in downtown Philly. Soft pretzels and cheesesteaks from the street vendors...that is when I could eat.

Godspeed. You know we're all with you.

Sent by Dave U. | 5:55 PM ET | 06-06-2007

A special prayer for you today. Good luck. Leroy.

Sent by Gene | 5:58 PM ET | 06-06-2007

Good Luck today - I've been reading your blog for the past several months, since I found the link on the NPR home page. My youngest sister has been battling Colon / Liver cancer for the past 2 years. Your writings have provided some insight into the physical and emotional battle she has been going through. Thank you for sharing what it's like. I hope you continue to be cancer free.

Bill Allan

Sent by Bill Allan | 6:38 PM ET | 06-06-2007

I am quite sure you have your results and have enjoyed that cheese steak....apparently my post from early this am did not go through. At any rate, I am wishing you continued NED...and to Carole E., I wish you gentle hugs and blessings.....for Stephanie I am sending positive thoughts as well...enjoy your grandson, the warm sunshine on your face and the gentle breezes. I wish for everyone here struggling as a cancer patient or caregiver, a peaceful heart.

Sent by Karen | 6:45 PM ET | 06-06-2007

Hi again Leroy, hope you enjoyed the cheese steak and still having good thoughts.
Stephanie, I am read your post and I am so sorry that you must undergo yet another surgery, my thoughts are with you. Hang in there!
Myrna..........I read your post yesterday and you touched my heart. I will keep you in my prayers.

Sent by sasha | 6:50 PM ET | 06-06-2007

Leroy...I hope it was good news today. Your blog will be the first thing I turn to tomorrow at dawn, and I will put you in my heart as I fall asleep and hope for a good report. We will ALL be thinking about you as we go to sleep tonight.

Sent by Rebecca Bauder | 6:54 PM ET | 06-06-2007

WOW. Results on the same day. Pretty cool. I have to wait at least until the following day. During that 24 hour period I say I live in my own zone. Truly I would just rather be alone and gently prepare myself for the possibility of bad news on the morrow. Best wishes are with you Leroy.
Hope we hear from you tomorrow.
ox karen

Sent by karen mason | 7:06 PM ET | 06-06-2007

Leroy it goes without saying that everyone that reads this blog is pulling for you. And thank you for the blog.

And Al Cato, Monday is going to be a long day for you. Sending good thoughts your way also.

I had a scan last Wed. and have heard nothing. Oncologist appointment next Thursday. I'm sure she'll address it then. Maybe no news is good news.
Right now I'm enjoying the steroids I received with todays infusion. Builds my appetite and a little energy boost for a couple of days.

Sent by Lou Mayers | 7:19 PM ET | 06-06-2007

Drown yourself in grease and cheese, Leroy. You deserve it.

I've eaten so unhealthily since I lost Terry that I can't even begin to count the calories...but the important thing is that we're eating, not WHAT we're eating, at least not right now in the moment.

We can adjust for health later. Staying strong is what counts in the moment.

Sent by Bruce | 7:48 PM ET | 06-06-2007

Stephanie: Thanks so much for the update. Your attitude is so positive. I hope the surgery goes smoothly and that you feel like spending wonderful time with that grandbaby this summer while your recover!!!! It's got to help you feel better to have that 'pineapple' out of your belly!

By the way, did you ever get around to reading "My Grandfather's Blessings"? It is even more wonderful than Remen's first book. You will love it, I promise. And it gives you more awareness than you may now have just how important you are to that grandbaby. Rachael's memories of her grandfather (who was an orthodox Rabbi and died when she was just 7) are amazingly clear. She learned wonderful things from him, including unconditional love.

Blessings to you, Stephanie.

Sent by Sandra Shuler | 8:26 PM ET | 06-06-2007

You must know by now. Sending love and prayers

Sent by joyce | 8:52 PM ET | 06-06-2007

Leroy--I am a stage 4 also and missed the May 6th show on the Discover channel because I was in 2-day chemo. Can I buy a copy of the show somewhere? A lot of my buddies in my cancer support group have not seen it either. I have heard about it from people who saw it and they say it was great. I am NED (no evidence of disease) after 15 months of intensive chemo and wonder about what that means and where I go from here. All the best to you.

Sent by olga borker | 9:03 PM ET | 06-06-2007

I've used food treats to go with my tests and treatments,too. You're right. It does give you the "either way I win" feeling. I hope you keep on being a winner, Leroy.

Sent by Lorraine | 9:10 PM ET | 06-06-2007

Leroy,
I wish you only the best news today. I am new to your blog and so many of your experiences mirror mine. I've been dealing with stage IV thymoma since Sept 06. My club includes about 500 others per year in the US so I guess I feel really special. For me this is also scan week - the first big scan since all my surgeries, chemo, rad, and more chemo. I made the mistake of getting the scans yesterday but do not see my docs until Friday. I thought I could handle it as I have handled everything thrown at me to date. I was wrong. The waiting is brutal and it is causing all sorts of thoughts. It is what it is and I know I will deal with it, however, next time I will do everything in the same day. I made plans to take next week off to fish, golf, and ride my bike. No matter what the outcome, next week I will fish, golf, and ride my bike. Thank you so much for opening up your life to all of us. I hope lunch was great.

Sent by Pat Sclafani | 9:26 PM ET | 06-06-2007

The cheese steak comment made me laugh. I go to san Francisco for my reviews. I live in Reno. So I usually make it a little vacation every two months. Hell why not right?
Leroy I wish you the best. Please be sure to let us know. I will be praying for good news and the tastiest sandwhich EVER!

Sent by Christine VanHoose | 11:18 PM ET | 06-06-2007

I'll keep you in my prayers. Let us know how things went.

Sent by Colleen | 11:36 PM ET | 06-06-2007

Dear Leroy,
It's almost bedtime here on the West Coast. I'm a little late getting my post on here, but want to wish you the best. I'll be rushing to the computer as soon as I wake up to check on your results. At least you already know what the test showed by now. My hope is that the news was good and you are sleeping soundly after consuming a big cheese steak.

Yesterday I had my 1st appointment with my doctor after finishing 17 months of treatment. I was dismayed to learn that my HMO, Kaiser, doesn't do any tests at all unless you develop symptoms -- and this is true even for people who are Stage III like me. I guess they are just following the latest guidelines for follow up with breast cancer patients, but Geez! That's scary!

Sent by Doris | 12:04 AM ET | 06-07-2007

Hi Leroy,
You've probably written your results and have them ready to post in the morning by now, but I want you to know I hope it's good news for you. I went through the same thing today (Pet and Cat scans both) and got the news that I have a small (CRC)met in my right lung. My 2nd recurrance. Thankfully my doctor called me as soon as he got the news and he already called my surgeon about it. I'm going to look into having RFA. Hopefully you are celebrating good news!! I love your blog. It really puts all of our feelings clearly on paper for the rest of the world to read and understand how we feel. Thanks and God willing it will now begin tell how it feels to be NED.
Kandy

Sent by Kendra Falvey | 12:37 AM ET | 06-07-2007

Best of luck, Leroy.

Sent by Lisa Lindstrom | 2:23 AM ET | 06-07-2007

I don't really know how you feel -- I don't have cancer. But I've been listening to and reading your commentary for nearly a year and I have learned so much! I found you just before the week my dear friend was diagnosed with stomach cancer. A year ago now, to the week. You've made such a difference to both of us. Most importantly, as we each read the blog, we gained the ability to talk about feelings and ideas that he found difficult to share with others. John passed away on Tuesday morning. Once again, your thoughts -- and the many comments of your [very] extended family -- bring me to the place I need to be at this moment. As so often this year, I can be open to the emotion now. For the first time I can cry. Thanks. I plan to keep reading, and to keep faith with you and these incredible fighters.

Sent by Karen Twitty-Hartlieb | 3:28 AM ET | 06-07-2007

Leroy, I cannot thank you and all of the other bloggers for your comments, they help me to understand so much! I am not a cancer survivor, but my fiance is. He is going in for his scans on the 18th! I cannot begin to know how anyone feels before, during or after this, I can only pray for good results and stay positive. Everyday is a gift, I wish you much happiness today and the best cheesesteak ever! Savor the moment!

Sent by Laurie | 8:44 AM ET | 06-07-2007

Oh, Leroy, I do hope you got that cheesesteak yesterday in the wake of this news. Your response reminds me of the classic Zen teaching story, taken from the book Zen Flesh, Zen Bones:

"Buddha told a parable in a sutra:

A man traveling across a field encountered a tiger. He fled, the
tiger after him. Coming to a precipice, he caught hold of the root
of a wild vine and swung himself down over the edge. The tiger
sniffed at him from above. Trembling, the man looked down to
where, far below, another tiger was waiting to eat him. Only the
vine sustained him.

Two mice, one white and one black, little by little started to gnaw
away the vine. The man saw a luscious strawberry near him.
Grasping the vine with one hand, he plucked the strawberry with
the other. How sweet it tasted!

Source: Zen Flesh, Zen Bones"

We have control over how we spend the intervals of good time we are given. You prove that every day!

Onward! with heart!

Sent by Sarah | 10:58 AM ET | 06-07-2007

Dear Leroy,
I just read your news and quickly welled up with tears. Reality really sucks sometimes and I can only imagine all the thoughts and feelings you and your loved ones are experiencing as you ready yourselves for another round of treatment. My prayers are with you and I wish you all the strength you can muster and all the love and support your heart can hold. My husband is presently in remission from AML. He is 47 and we have four chidren ages 8-13. Our family knows all to well the sting of realiy when the diagnosis is given, the emotional and physical stamina the fight requires, the sense of accomplishment and joy when you hear good news, and last but definitely not least, the anxiety you live with as you try to lead a "normal" life when you know that "normal" never be the same. As a caregiver I have often imagined the experience of hearing "it's back." I think I would feel like I was punched in the stomach and I imagine the pain would be overwhelming. Then I imagine we would all do what we did before and be brave not because we are really that brave but because we have to be!! Be brave, and when you can't let other people be brave for you, and please know you are an inspiration to us all and we are praying for you!!!!!!

Sent by Sandy | 1:32 PM ET | 06-07-2007

Hope it goes well for you. I am a 6 year survivor of stage 3 Prostate Cancer and the week before routine testing is hell. Hang in there we're pulling for you.

Sent by Ken Nelson | 4:44 PM ET | 06-07-2007

Stephanie

How heartbreaking. I hope it turns out to be "nothing, just a benign growth."

Our hearts and prayers are with you.

Sent by Bruce | 8:47 PM ET | 06-07-2007

To Leroy and to all the rest of you I ask God to grant you peace and comfort even if it only in the form of a cheesesteak or a beautiful summer day or a smile and loving touch ---take whatever makes you happy even if it is just for a moment - take happiness in any form and TRY to not let cancer control your mind. Cancer will take as much OF YOUR MIND as you will allow it to take try to not allow it. ONE DAY AT A TIME. MAY GOD GRANT YOU PEACE AND COMFORT.

Sent by Evelyn | 11:17 AM ET | 06-19-2007