I too am trying to learn patience. But more importantly to focus on every day and the special moments. I want to find out Harry Potter ending also. It is darkest before the dawn and now that the sun is coming up so are my spirits.

Sent by Vicki (FL) | 7:20 AM ET | 06-29-2007

Vicki

You are in my thoughts and prayers....

Remember... attitude is everything.. create positive energy in your life.. enjoy every minute you can... watch that sun rise and allow it to lift your spirits high!

Leroy... I too have learned "selective patience"!! :-)

Sent by Ron Bye | 8:08 AM ET | 06-29-2007

I keep thinking that there are some lessons in all of this to learn for myself.......maybe some things that we learn earlier than most. You're right, Leroy, one of the biggest lessons to me has been patience....patience waiting for tests - procedures - for the process to be over - with myself in recovering strength and with others in their struggles.
One day a Dr. apologized for keeping me waiting as he had been called to the hospital for a patient that needed him quickly. I told him I would rather be the patient that he could "get to" as opposed to being in so much trouble, that he was hurrying to my aid. So I understand your analogy about feeling like it's a good sign if the Docs are not rushing to treatment, etc.....
Hope you have a great and wonderful weekend!

Sent by Ruth Chermok | 8:38 AM ET | 06-29-2007

Hi Leroy and all

Just a brief not today.

I???m heading off for my next MRI in 45 minutes ??? 3rd since surgery and radiation. Waiting is such fun! I haven???t been particularly anxious, though. What is ??? is. Graced again, though ??? I have one doc who will read it immediately ??? even interrupting the rest of her schedule. And besides I continue to function well. I???m also in my first day of five days of Temodar, wondering when the side effects will kick in ??? probably a day or two lasting about a week. They aren???t bad though ??? mostly just more fatigue than usual. Anzamet does a pretty good job on the nausea and vomiting.

I???m waiting for the Harry Potter book too ??? as well as the next movie. Professor Umbrage is sort of the Joe McCarthy/Dick Cheney of Potter World and I love to see such people get what they so richly deserve ??? even if it is only on screen.

I???d also recommend that people see Micheal Moore???s Sicko. He takes on the profiteers of medical care especially big Pharma and insurance, that are causing many of us so much pain, while, paradoxically providing much of what is needed to keep us alive and (in my case at least) doing my bit to confront their excessive selfishness.

???Nuff said, I suppose. I may update later in the day to let you all know how the MRI went.

All the best,

John Shippee
Atlanta, Georgia

Sent by John Shippee | 8:42 AM ET | 06-29-2007

you are so right vicki...darkest before dawn....i am very impatient these days trying to understand the whole life vs death thing. so many beautiful lives taken away from our world. i am angry and i am sad , so very sad. i truly hope that with all the suffering the world endures that it will all be well worth it when my day comes to storm the gates of heaven and voice my complaints to customer service.
still so very sadden in fairport, new york.
www.caringbridge.org/visit/marianne

Sent by marianne dalton | 8:54 AM ET | 06-29-2007

Patience is required as you have outlined BUT persistence is an equally strong virtue that is needed.

I continue to be amazed at how the doctors, sometimes, view patients and their needs! Often there is no sense of urgency in communicating with the patient with either good or bad news. While I recognize that the doctors are busy with lots of patients, communicating results to each patient as soon as the results are available should be a priority. After one of my surgeries to remove lymph nodes to see if they contained melanoma cells which dictated my need for chemo or not, I waited for 3 days for an answer and then I had to track down the doctor (surgeon)for an answer. His response was that he assumed that another doctor had already been in touch. This time the news was good BUT the day I was told I'd have an answer came and went. The anxiety and stress was overwhelming while waiting and anticipating the worst.

I am more attuned today to the way the medical system works including the hospitals and doctors. I am more patient now BUT I remain persistent and insistent as to when and from whom will I receive the answers as to my results and status.

Leroy, I am not at your level of patience and probably never will be but I continue to strive in that direction. I have also learned that when cancer returns, it doesn't just "sit there and do nothing". It is growing and possibly doing more damage so it seems to me that time is of the essence. Watching and waiting does have its place in the cancerworld (spot in my brain, not able to be biopsied, doesn't seem to be growing, and if radiation is given to this spot, it may destroy or impair some brain fuction) but when the cancer is confirmed, I am looking for some action to kill or at least slow down the beast.

If I were you Leroy, the indicator on my Patience and Persistence Meter would be stuck on Persistence with the need for answers. Best wishes for you that you can have the procedure.

Blessings and prayers as always.

Sent by Al Cato | 9:13 AM ET | 06-29-2007

This summer Leroy, I will FINALLY be reading the Harry Potters..I know, I know.. i'm behind the TIMES....but i've had to put a lot on hold for awhile..

Today is the last day of residency, and the beginning of my career as a radiation oncologist. I just wanted to say thank you again for your blog, and the members who have helped me--whether it be giving me advice to just kind words.. it has been an incredible support for me to get through the last few months of training.

I will be traveling alone for 2-3 months after my own set of exams, and I hope that you all will travel alongside me, keeping me company, and see the world with me. My blog will again be up shortly, after my exams.. hopefully with pictures, and stories of people....

http://thewanderingnomad.blogspot.com

Some may have difficult journeys this summer, whether it be going through chemo, undergoing more procedures, getting news that nobody wants to hear... I just want to say, that I am sending positive thoughts and hugs to everyone's way.

A lot of other doctors who are not in the oncology field, tell me they couldn't do it.... It's a emotionally hard field to go into...but I truly love it. The patients I have encountered, I truly learn from...your perserverence, your drive, your strength, and your sense of hope, inspire me....and it's been a true priviledge for me.

Yes, you will go through times of despair, discouragement, and dissapointment...but I hope and pray that you have a support team full of friends, loved ones, doctors, and people to help you through those times.

Many hugs...
Krupali

Sent by krupali tejura md | 9:31 AM ET | 06-29-2007

Marianne - my thoughts and prayers are with you and all the families affected by the terrible car crash in Fairport. My son lost a very close friend a few weeks ago, so I think I truly understand what you and your sons are going through right now. It is indeed so very sad - a whole different kind of sad than cancer.

Sent by Gretchen Hoag | 9:43 AM ET | 06-29-2007

Hi Leroy, I'm sending up a prayer for good results for you. I will have a bone scan and CT scan on Monday. I pray that the tumors in my lungs will be smaller. I plan to talk with my doctors about the procedure you had on the tumors in your lungs to see if I am a candidate. Then my chemo on Tuesday. I know how frustrating it can be to wait to hear back about the radiation. You have such a wonderful attitude about it. I hope knowing that this whole community is waiting with you provides some comfort. Thanks for all you are doing. Kim

Sent by Kim Barbato | 9:44 AM ET | 06-29-2007

Leroy,
I understand completely about the patience part of being a patient. When I was waiting for results, one of my dearest friends was angry at my docs for not getting back to me sooner. She did not understand why I could wait without becoming upset. Since being diagnosed with NHL five years ago, and breast cancer last year, I can wait for results. Somehow I sort of know what they will be before I hear.

Right now my husband and I are training to walk a half marathon for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society in Oct. We are both over 60 so this is a serious commitment. I know we will do it! We are also planning a trip to Australia in Nov. to see my daughter do an ironman triathalon. With all these good things I need to keep feeling well.

Friends and family have been my biggest source of strength. I weep for those who write that they are alone. Your blog and these comments are a must reading for me every day. I feel I have friends out there that I do not even know by sight.

Keep strong and keep on writing.

Sent by Natalie | 9:47 AM ET | 06-29-2007

Leroy,
How lucky you are to have faith in your doctors. Such a GIFT> We aren't as blessed. We would love to think that our MD had been thinking about or discussing the possibilites of how things looked or "what next." We can't even get standard care. It's a shame! So our fears have pushed us to stay on top of even the simplest of tests or procedures-
"Is this supposed to be with or without contrast?" "What area are you comparing it to?" "What are you looking for?" "What are you giving?" "What are the side-effects?" These should be things that are assumed to have been planned by the MD and discussed with the patient aren't they? Instead we get pats on the hand and that-"you're gonna' die anyway" look, and the comment of "It doesn't really matter." **** TO WHO?????
This was the response, again, last week to the wrong CAT scan being done-w/o contrast( after he had fasted and drank the stuff)- when contrast was needed to do the evaluation. The result of the scan-Metastatic disease could not be evaluated due to lack of contrast with CAT scan- reads the Radiologists report!! After a year of surgeries and Chemo??? What's THAT???
When pushed to repeat the scan with the contrast- You guessed it-- that look of "WHY BOTHER"
The real kicker is my husbands surgery and Chemo were just completed and this is what all future problems would be compared to. Why do we know that and not them??
ooops...sorry :o( I'm on my soap box.
Anyway, so happy that you have great Docs. It sure helps get through this. Wish we were there...

Sent by Deb | 9:55 AM ET | 06-29-2007

Leroy, I'm glad cancer hasn't made you too perfectly patient :) Regarding the scans, at Emory we have a pina colada taste in out CT contrast drink, but I'm with you and prefer no needle stick or drink whenever possible. On a more serious note, your updates as they unfold are so important not only obviously to your family, friends, and colleagues, but to each of your readers who root for and pray for you daily. All the best, Leroy!Stay strong!

Sent by Karen Quinn | 10:32 AM ET | 06-29-2007

Leroy, Good topic. Patience was the hardest thing for me to learn in all this (I joke that that's why they call us "patients". Pretty bad, I know) and my learning of it certainly doesn't apply to the rest of my life where I am more impatient than I used to be. I think I'm impatient because I'm aware there may not be as much time as I think to do things. On the other hand, I've learned that in terms of checkups, as well as recovery from treatment, as well as knowing if a treatment can work or be effective, sometimes you just have to accept that you need to wait.

Sent by N.R. | 10:49 AM ET | 06-29-2007

Leroy,

I think you are right about patience and attitude. The disease is going to do what it's going to do, but our days are enriched or impoverished by the way we think and feel about it.

Sent by Diana Kitch | 10:50 AM ET | 06-29-2007

LOL on waiting for the Harry Potter book. Our family has been on pins and needles for weeks about the book. We will actually be on an island in the middle of Cook Inlet at a friend???s salmon fishing camp when the book comes out. There is no electricity or phone and certainly no delivery from Amazon, so we will all be 2 days behind the world in our reading. The kids are insisting that when we get home NO ONE is allowed to turn on the TV, Radio or internet until we have all read the book and know the ending. After this long a wait they don't want to chance spoiling the end....so as you are all reading, think of us sitting on an island in the middle of nowhere...but don't tell the end!!!

It's funny; I re-read the HP books during chemo. It was like a visit with a friend that didn't ask too much of me. Maybe re-reading book #6 while you wait would help pass the time and refresh your memory for the last book.

Deb C
http://glassylady41.spaces.live.com/

Sent by AlaskaDeb | 10:51 AM ET | 06-29-2007

That drink they give us - I didn't mind my last one at all (May) - can't remember if it was raspberry but it was fruity - I had some minty stuff back in 2000 and that was difficult to get down. I chug mine - they handed me a straw and I knew there was no way I was going to be able to get any of that stuff down sipping through a straw!

Sent by Vicky (NY) | 11:03 AM ET | 06-29-2007

Good day Leroy. You're so right. Living with cancer means living and not plotzing about results. I have a 3 month checkup with my onc on the 13th. My CEA was up last time, but I smoke a tad, and it was within acceptable levels for a smoker...yes I actually quit for 9 months but post treatment I was an insane basket case and that first cigarette delivered everything it promised. Anyway, I digress. If I think about the appointment I get nervous. Adjuvant! online has my chance of recurrence at 40%. Knowing that and having it in the background forces me into the day, and into the now, and into living with cancer, living despite cancer, sigh. And hope is really an amazingly unsinkable thing. Vicky and Marianne, sending you hugs...marianne your caringbridge site is lovely. i have a site www.xanga.com/butshebites. I discuss cancer in the earliest entries, and throughout. I was diagnosed and treated in 2005 and just had a semifinal reconstruction done.

Sent by Alycia Keating | 11:07 AM ET | 06-29-2007

This morning started out challenging once again, and I couldn't wait to read your blog, Leroy. It helped me get going and by the time I was showered and dressed I felt positive again. Yes, I can do this day. In fact, I'm looking forward to it.

Last evening a longtime friend called me to let me know she can't see me for a while. She is concerned about being around me while I'm having radiation. She said she got sick after seeing me last year during my chemo.

She doesn't believe in standard medicine, and only sees naturopathic and homeopathic doctors. When I first got cancer her response was that there obviously was something that I needed learn from this and that is why I created the cancer in my body. That made me smile inside. It made my family furious.

So, I've been thinking about her and about our friendship. Her husband is like a brother to us. Realistically, our relationship has always been a little rocky. So what is this friendship? Would she be my friend if it wasn't for her husband? How sad that my cancer has come between us. Or has it? Maybe it is just the thing that helps me see more clearly.

Thanks Leroy for giving me this place to be heard.

Sent by Laurel M. Jones | 11:16 AM ET | 06-29-2007

Good morning Leroy/All

Leroy, you are right on target, as usual, and you always find a way to put a smile on my face. I love the ending of the blog about Harry Potter, LOL.

As I have mentioned many times, this blog is my lifeline. I receive numerous emails from friends (who mean well) but find little comfort; they are just words on paper. Funny, but, I
just received an email about patience and relaxation. It said "Taking time to relax benefits the mind, body and spirit. This will give us clarity of thought and reduce our stress.

I think this holds true for those who do not live in our world. I believe that we can learn to have patience, but the stress and clarity of mind will always exist, at least from my point of view.

Be well my friend and keep that wonderful sense of humor. Always in my prayers. Sasha

Sent by sasha | 11:20 AM ET | 06-29-2007

When we all get to heaven this REALLY won't matter.

Sent by Sandra | 11:20 AM ET | 06-29-2007

Leroy, I hate the waiting part, I also hate the dye. I think I always will dislike those parts. I hope your spine is not worse,but don't say it can't get worse, because it can. The cancer does it's thing, and sometimes it deals us another bad hand. So glad you are feeling okay at this point, enjoy your family, have fun, and try not to think about all of this. As Always, Stan

Sent by Stan Wozniak | 12:19 PM ET | 06-29-2007

Hi Leroy,

Well strawberry flavor might be better then the banana they had. Although I have never had the pleasure of having to have a CT scan with contrast, I can assure, I have shared the experience. The first CT scan for sister, was with contrast, and at that time, she insisted she could drink the contrast, although the PEG tube was inplace. Let me tell you, because of the tumor involvement of the epiglottis (that little flap of tissue that protects the trachea or windpipe) each swallow was followed by a cough, and spewing that wonderful stuff out the trach stoma. I got to wear some it. I tried to make light of it, and said something like I know we are attached at the hip right now, but we don't have to share everything. And at that time I was pretty impatient.

Patience does not come easy to people who are normally in control of just about everything in their lives. Patience is hard to come by when you are a "fixer" like me. My instinct is to plow ahead immediately.

I do try to move a tad slower when confronted with adversity, however, I am not always successful. Hence the voice of conventional wisdom, my wonderful boyfriend, who routinely keeps a cool head when mine is running a muck.

Have a great weekend all.... Thanks,

Sent by Susan Chap | 12:23 PM ET | 06-29-2007

It's an upside down world after the first diagnosis. Mine, two months ago, gave me 'a few days' to live. I was the only one who didn't feel sick. Now, later on, after the CT's, x-rays, weeks in hospitals, chemo-embolizations, and follow ups, there's still only very faint light at the end of the tunnel. It's still better than what they 'gave' me two months ago.

It's hard on my family. I'm the oldest of 9, and father to my own 4. I still weep at the pain my kids feel.
The rest is only 'wait and see'. Fine by me. Isn't that what we all had to begin with? I feel really lucky to have had the time to sit back, assess, and visit.

Only part of journey, I suppose.

Be well.

Mike

Sent by mike olives | 12:34 PM ET | 06-29-2007

Dear Leroy:

I remembered when I was first
diagnosed with stage IV colorectal ca/mets to lungs; everthing was crucial. I wanted all my test results now. I've changed! Last week I had my cea was done. I didn't call or check on it. About 4 days later my oncologist called and told me my cea went from 150 to 400. I was sad and angry!!!!!!!!!!!! That means chemo again. I have been going throught this for almost 4 years. I cried and cried and then accepted it; here I go again chemo. Yuk Yuk Yuk........Now it is a way of life. Sad isn't it. I am also waiting for my cat scan on Saturday. I know my tumors have grown.
Cancer is like a speeding train very hard to stop once its at full speed. Well, here I go trying to stop the train ( or at least slow it down).
Ps. Leroy, I was an Radiologic Technician for 20 years and use to make the vile drink out of a powdery substance called barium sulfate. It was even more vile, believe it or not it's much better tasting now!!!!

Thank you for your Blogs they put words to the unexpessible

You are in my prays, along with all the blogees.

God Bless,

Beth Morrison

Sent by Beth Morrison | 12:48 PM ET | 06-29-2007

Leroy,

Try the banana or apple (chilled). Far better than the raspberry! As always, my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Sent by Patricia Doyle | 12:52 PM ET | 06-29-2007

Leroy
I have also learned patience with everyone. I can get lost in a beautiful sunrise or sunset and for just a few moments in the morning when I first wake up I can forget about cancer. It seems to have taken control over my life.
I wish the best for you. You are my hero you face each day with such a positive attitude. You give me strength.

Sent by Jolyn | 1:18 PM ET | 06-29-2007

Leroy,
Patience, now that is a subject that could go on a long time. I have had cancer since last fall and it has been a huge battle. A few weeks ago we decided on an Ostomy to eliminate an infection in my liver (that has a grapefruit size tumor) causes from a fistula connecting my colon with my liver. Well. I have been in and out of the hospital most of the last 3 weeks more recently with pulmonary embolisms in my lung- exactly the site of my one lung tumor. None of it makes sense and it is a continual roller coaster. What I have most recently learned this last Monday and Tuesday (I am still in ther hospital dissolving my clots)is that everything ultimately is out of my control. Yes I can and do self-advocate but in the end what happens is really in Gods hands not mine.What is different this week is that I am OK with that- I have been fully broken and come out the other side and have great hope and Peace. I follow your blog and wish you the same Peace.

don valencia
Blog: www.donvalencia.com

Sent by Don Valencia | 1:31 PM ET | 06-29-2007

I just don't know how you keep coming up with these great topics! I guess you are just good at what you do ;-)

I was so grateful to the doctor who did my ultrasound at the very beginning of this long road. Normally, results go to your doctor. He just told me "you have cancer". I didn't have to wait. In fact, he was pretty good about giving out clues while he was looking so it was not a shock to me.

I have horses. They are show horses. They get lots of attention from vets anytime they take a wrong step. The vets bring in portable imaging equipment and can show me right then and there "see this? that's normal. See that? We never want to see that"

It's cool!

I also was half listening to tne news when they announced a vaccine for dogs they think is the first step toward a cure for cancer.

I told my husband, sometimes I wish I was my own pet so I could get results right away and get the best medical treatments ;-)

Sent by Karen D. | 1:45 PM ET | 06-29-2007

I remember when I got the bad news of my recurrence back in October. Not only was I worried that I wouldn't meet my grandchild, but I was really bugged that I might not get to read the last installment in Harry Potter. I am so thrilled that I will get to read it (if things go as they have been.)

I met with a new oncologist today and I had a much better feeling about him. He seemed to listen, which is a big improvement. He had a few options of chemo to offer me, but I am not really a good candidate for either of them. Nor are they really all that effective for pancreatic cancer. One is combined with Gemzar, which I have already shown I can't tolerate, and the other is an oral form of 5FU. Apparently, I don't metabolize 5FU and that is why I was so sick with it last time.

Plus I made it clear that I don't want a few more days or even months if I am going to be sick from the chemo for the duration. I get it that I am going to die of this, and I am okay with it. I am not desperately clinging to the last shred of life at any expense. Of course, talk to me in a few months as things go downhill, and we will see if I still feel the same way.

So, like you, Leroy, I wait . . . for another scan, for another blood test, for another doctor visit. I sort of know the outcome, but . . . It is sort of like knowing the ending of the book, but wanting to find out what happens in the middle. In the meantime, one day at a time.

Sent by Stephanie Dornbrook | 2:08 PM ET | 06-29-2007

Stephanie,

I was struck and awed by your post. I love class and you are CLASSY! I feel the same way you do, but don't know yet if I could do it. I do know that if you can make a graceful exit, it's better for everyone.

With much admiration!

Sent by Diana Kitch | 2:56 PM ET | 06-29-2007

Part of my post-cancer treatment is daily laughter (a la Norman Cousins) so each night my husband and I watch The Colbert Report (repeats at 8:30!). Last night the guest was Dan Gilbert who of course, wrote a book--"Stumbling on Happiness" with the premise that we are not very good predictors of what DOES make us happy. In reading some of Gilbert's stuff I see he makes the point that has been made here before...amazingly humans habituate/ 'get used to' AH-inspiring treatments. And voila, our frame of reference changes. Port insertion, yeah, I could do that again. Chemo, ok, maybe the taxol, oh I supposed if I had to, I could do the adryamicin/cytoxin again. And IMHO our frame of reference for happiness changes too, as has often been said here. Each day I breathe the joy of the ocean as I pass it on my way to work. I delight in the deep throated laugh of a buddha baby in the grocery store. Thank you for your daily sharing of your frame of reference. We have more in common than we have differences. Blessings,
Vi

"It's funny how our frame of reference can change without us even realizing it."

Sent by Vi | 3:11 PM ET | 06-29-2007

Stephanie: Thank you so much for giving us your thoughts today on how you are responding to your situation now. I am with you, that spending the last days or weeks sick from the chemo wouldn't make living a little bit longer worth the trade off. I hope I can face my own situation with the courage you are showing now. Enjoy that grandbaby!!!! (and the Potter book!).

Sent by Sandra Shuler | 3:11 PM ET | 06-29-2007

My thoughts are with you Stephanie and Leroy.

My son is due for his quarterly check up in July. He has been off treatment for four years. We just celebrated his 6th birthday. He is vibrant, mischievous, active and so looking forward to starting first grade in the fall. There are many times when I just want to stick my head in the sand and say no more scans and check ups. He is fine now. But my practical and logically side always win. We usually forget about the dump cancer thing as soon as we get the results. And than three months go by and now we are waiting for the appointments, scans, and results.....the wonderful waiting game.

Sent by grace | 4:09 PM ET | 06-29-2007

Hello again Leroy and all,

My MRI came out clean! ??? no sign whatsoever of tumor in my brain. Of course my wife and I are celebrating. We are also thinking about and praying for all of you who are either waiting for results medical judgements, etc. or whose results have not been so positive.

And now the waiting begins again. ??? though its just-after-reprieve rather than just-before-judgment waiting. As with some of the rest of us, my cancer doesn???t end - it just goes deeper into hiding. So I???m still (probably indefinitely on Temodar, still have some symptoms, still get fatigued easily and all the rest.

But at least there is no visible cancer and that is something for which to be profoundly grateful ??? especially considering the alternatives. I am grateful to God, my wife and family, the doctors and medical staff ,the church of which I am part and my many other support communities ??? of which this blog is one.

Vaya con Dios

John Shippee
Atlanta, Georgia

Sent by John Shippee | 4:17 PM ET | 06-29-2007

Hi Leroy,

I don't know what to say today. My prayers and thoughts are with you. This is a hard day.

Yes, it's time the Harry Potter book hit the shelves.

Also, I sure wish a video or dvd would be made available of the "Living with Cancer" program that you did with Ted Koppel.

I sure could use being able to watch the program, since I was not well enough at the time it aired to see it. I've watched the clips on discovery.com, but I really want to see the whole program. I would like to be able to share it with my mom too. She has stage 4 uterine cancer.

Hope your weekend is exactly whatever you need it to be.

Heartlight on for you here,

Kim Blankenship

Sent by Kim Blankenship | 4:32 PM ET | 06-29-2007

Thank you for the laugh. I always thought I was patient. That's the only way I could have worked in an ER since the early 90's. But that wasn't patience for myself. This has been a whole new larning experience for me. A new balance that I certainly wouldn't have chosen but am forced to deal with. Once again, you are right on Leroy. I still think of you every day even though I don't respond. Have a good weekend.

Sent by Lisa | 4:39 PM ET | 06-29-2007

Congratulations John, Iam so happy for your good news. Vaya con Dios

Stephanie.........I admire you very much. I am very happy that you feel more comfortable with your new oncologist. Enjoy the Harry Potter Book!

Sent by sasha | 5:04 PM ET | 06-29-2007

It is 5:30 pm and I am just now getting to read the blog. Today is my last day at work before my "vacation", which will consist of lung surgery. I go in at 7:30 Monday morning so this weekend, other than spending a few hours at the office finishing things, will be spent with friends doing whatever I can to enjoy myself.

Dr. Tejura have a grand time and I will explore your site as a wonderful diversion. I only wish more doctors took the time to read this blog and listen to their patients.

I have asked my doctors if this surgery will prolong my life and consensus is yes but no one knows for how long. My oncologist says if it can buy us six months to a year before I have to go back on chemo it will be worth it -- so I'm as ready as I can be.

My husband has promised to print out the blogs each day and bring them to the hospital once I am alert. My thoughts will be with all of you.

He will also tape Wimbeldon and although I never allow TV on in the hospital he said he would turn it on "just in case I woke up and could see a ball."

Leroy I hope the next time I read your blog you have as good as news as possible. Peace, Dona

Sent by Dona | 5:42 PM ET | 06-29-2007

Hi Everyone,
Just wanted to let you all know I am praying for all of you. My heart hurts so much. I'm so sad that we all have to deal with this. My husband has colon cancer and it is hard to watch what he is dealing with. It is also sad that that we have to put up with the waiting. The one thing I wish the medical field would learn is to realize what we are dealing with. We are worrying about not living not seeing our kids grow-up and staying strong and to have hope. It doesn't help us when we have the added stress of waiting. I know they have to deal with it everyday and sometimes try not to get involved so much, but they chose the field. They didn't asked to get this monster (CANCER).I think the cancer patients all have more compassion then the people in the medical field. When we are waiting in the waiting room for the infusion sometimes 2-3 hours before we get in. No want even says sorry. I see the look on everyone's face that are waiting and my heart breaks. We get to the hospital by 7:30 A.M. wait about a hour for them to take his blood, and then about 2 to 3 hours until we can get back to the infusion room. There has been even times when people had to wait 5 hours to get in a chair. It is just so sad. I ask God please send us a cure. So Leroy, I agree cancer has taught us to be more patience. I just hope that the people in the medical field and I don't just mean doctors. I mean everyone staff etc. could learn to have more understanding.
Aurella

Sent by Aurella Rocchi | 6:45 PM ET | 06-29-2007

Dear Dr. Krupali,
Can you add me to your list of readers.
I so enjoy reading your blogs on this site, and would like to follow you on your travels.
Thanks,
Aurella
arocchi@comcast.net

Sent by Aurella Rocchi | 7:08 PM ET | 06-29-2007

Leroy,

I know this post comment comes late and won't be posted. That's ok. I'm venting. I know this is a place to do it. That is one of the many gifts you offer. I'm taking you up on it.

I was patiently playing th waiting game for the past 48 hours. Waiting on the results of my first post treatment scan. A CT as PETs can't be done so soon after radiation...or so I thought. To make a long painful story short, I receieved the call from a very pained nurse stating I now needed a PET. My CT showed "change" that needed further investigation. Minor she said. Maybe nothing. Now I must wait for my insurance to get around to approving the PET. I'll sit and wait and wonder. I'll probably get drunk. (Haven't been able to drink for 8 months but now I think I will drink that martini if it kills me...all puns inteneded.)

I know it could be nothing. However, this was supposed to be the call about remission. It wasn't supposed to go like this. Frankly, it shouldn't go like this for anyone...ever...never ever.

I respond because you let us...I thank you. I know you read this and understand my anxiety and effort to stay focused. I know your readers do. I'm ok but not happy. I've been a champ through this whole thing. Now I want to be a big baby. I feel alone and afraid.

I also wanted to comment that when I saw the picture of you and that poor horse I thought..."Now that's a stud!" I didn't mean the equine. Your wife will forgive me.

Thank you for the safety here.

xo as always,

Lori

Sent by Lori Levin | 7:27 PM ET | 06-29-2007

Dear Dr. Tejura,
I wanted to say it is a rare pleasure to have been able to have some faith renewed in the medical profession,
solely because of your attitude, your strength and dedication to CARING for patients, and I would like to wish you many, many happy days on your journey and in your travels. I want to keep up with you blog, and hope to be talking with you regularly, because we need more physicians who truly believe in the Hippocratic Oath you take when you become physicians and healers of not only the body, but the mind and spirit as well.

It is obvious you sincerely believe in your calling, and I know you will be a wonderful influence on others in your profession when they see and understand the rewards that can come from HELPING AND CARING for those of us who in such
desperate need to know we are being treated and cared for by a truly honest and dedicated professional. Your posts have been uplifting and helpful, but your commitment to helping others has impressed me to the point of feeling
"happy tears" roll down my face, which is a refreshing change from the tears of frustration and fear I have experienced because of the mercenary and robotic attitude I have witnessed in my journey toward a higher level of wellness.

May God bless you and keep you safe in your travels and I look forward to your return and your very bright future ahead in medicine. I believe you will be instrumental in helping those who would otherwise have little hope to
enjoy a brighter, longer and more healthy life when they find themseves fortunate to have you caring for the very life you hold in your loving hands. You are a prime example why God gives those with your level of intelligence and compassion the opportunity to proudly call themselves Medical Doctors. Thank you, friend.
With Respect and Care, Briana

Sent by briana | 9:37 PM ET | 06-29-2007

Dona: Does it help you at all to know that strangers are thinking about you and praying for you? I hope it does help. You will get through this thoracotomy....it won't be easy, but you will get through. Blessings and warm thoughts, from a fellow blogger who has been there.

Sent by Sandra Shuler | 9:38 PM ET | 06-29-2007

Thinking of you, Leroy, and all your followers, with wishes for a peaceful night... I know they can be challenging.

Sent by LSF | 11:02 PM ET | 06-29-2007

Dona - I will be checking the blog for an update from you after your surgery!
Please know I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

I trust your weekend will be one of rest and peace!

Sent by Vicky (NY) | 6:30 AM ET | 06-30-2007

John, I also took Temodar for my brain cancer. The worst side effect was feeling like a slug - no hair loss and no vomiting (thanks to zofran)...I got sick once when I tried another antinausea med. But the fatigue lasted for about 2 weeks (tough when you're trying to work through it). I DID have good results with it though - clear MRIs since (it's been over 2 years since finishing temodar. But it's still heavy-duty stuff - stays in the system a looooong time. (How can cancer return if chemo stays in your body so long???? - hmmmmmmmmm). Good luck to all of you with your trials and tribulations and know there is a little bit of sun on the other side - I'm now in graduate school pursuing a Master's degree, although it's a lot harder work than before.

Sent by Tammy | 6:59 AM ET | 06-30-2007

Stephanie

Your peace and grace are amazing!

I wish to share with you... DON CONOSCENTI has written a song called "On the Other Side" which gives me great comfort and fits my beliefs very well. In it he says...

"go tell them all I did not die... I am on the other side where life and death divide and you leave your skin and bones behind"

It is an incredibly peaceful song.. I urge you to listen to it...

http://www.DonConoscenti.com

It is also available on a CD made by cancer survivors as a benefit CD at

http://www.intooyoungforthis.org

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers Stephanie

John.... FANTASTIC!!!!!! That is such great news!!

Sent by Ron Bye (NH) | 7:15 AM ET | 06-30-2007

Hello all,

Great news, John.

I'll be traveling along, Krupali.

I'm sorry, Deb, that you don't have great docs.

I'm hoping, Stephanie, that your new doc is fantastic.

Regarding Harry Potter, I am so excited about the last book, as is my 10-yr-old, who's reading the entire series again for the second time.

But I'm intensely bummed that this is the LAST HP book. I simply cannot accept that this is the end of this long, wonderful run. J.K. Rowling deserves to be made queen of England for what she has done for kids and reading...

And I can't wait to see the HP movie, too.

I CAN wait to go to chemo on Monday -- it must be a cumulative effect, as what was once quite tolerable has become more difficult.

I CANNOT wait until the end of August, as that may be the "end" of chemo for me. I put the word end in quotation marks, as I know this beast is in me and may never leave. But the end, let us say, for now. It would nice to be over it for a while, at least.

In the meantime, we're going back to Colorado, our home state, for a vacation in July. I love the trees in Ohio, but I can't wait to simply sit and gaze upon that beauty and grandeur that is the Rocky Mountains. And to eat, once again, in good restaurants...

Love to all, and happy fourth of July!

Sent by Jordis | 8:09 AM ET | 06-30-2007

God Bless You Leroy for your sence of humor!

Sent by Ellie Wingerson | 9:22 AM ET | 06-30-2007

Lori,
I just read your blog. I will pray for you I understand how you are feeling. You should not have to wait for the insurance company to approve anything. This is your life. Keep fighting and know that there are people that care. God Bless You and stay strong.
Aurella

Sent by Aurella Rocchi | 10:32 AM ET | 06-30-2007

Billy Ray Cyrus wrote and recorded a song entitled "The Other Side" which I have found encouraging, comforting and assuring. In fact, I've requested that it be sung at my funeral someday. I love my life and I would like to live for a long time, but I'm not afraid to die. It's a great solace to believe that there is more beyond this life and there is no sickness, no pain and no death in the next life. I am thankful for His promises.

Sent by Vicky (NY) | 10:52 AM ET | 06-30-2007

Hi Leroy

Another post from you that hits the nail on the head - thank you again for expressing thoughts that I imagine all of us cancer individuals feel.

For me - being 6th months post chemo (stage 3 - bowel cancer). I had my CT scan in May for my first annual check - initially I was given the all clear, but I was called by my surgeon last Thursday night - he explained that the great & the good of the oncology world had reviewed my CT scans. Now there is nothing he wants me to worry about and he (& his colleagues) are being cautious - but there are three 3mm nodules (granulomas) on the lower lobe of my left lung. Probably, they have been there for some time, scarring caused by some forgotten chest infection, but because of my young age & the aggressive of the primary cancer they are going to do another chest CT scan in August.

It probably will be fine, but it could be the early signs of metatastic lung cancer - we don't know & won't know until September - so, the cancer bubble is back & life is thrown sharply into perspective, and like so many of you - I am practicing patience :-)

Best wishes

Julian

Sent by Julian | 11:02 AM ET | 06-30-2007

Hi Leroy,

If they made the contrast taste good, then everyone would want some.

Keep your chins up,

Teri Dangerfield

Sent by Teri Thomas | 11:33 AM ET | 06-30-2007

I don't think I will ever learn to be patient with my cancer. I haven't had any treatment in almost 2 months and it is driving me crazy. I want to get started on something before it is too late, but I don't have the control. I have another month of testing and waiting before this stem cell transplant and I am terrified that my cancer will progress too much during this time and this option will be off the table.

I know that there is not a current treatment available that will cure me. Why is it that we keep fighting for more time? I can't imagine it now, but I'm sure the day may come when I don't want to fight and I'm ready to give in.

http://myspacejill.blogspot.com/

Sent by Jill | 11:55 AM ET | 06-30-2007

Today's comments and topics center on "waiting." I'm 11 mos into Cancer World. I want to hold onto the belief that the beast is done with me. My future is compromised from the fight since diagnosis, but it's still there. I still feel, though, as though I'm waiting; that no one's lucky enough to treat once and have it not recur. Is anyone out there or does anyone know of anyone who made it past 5yrs, 10, 15 ... I never seem to hear those voices. Is it because they don't exist? Am I being naive in my recovery?

Sent by Lorraine | 12:25 PM ET | 06-30-2007

My first Comment to Leroy and others: Thank each of you for your insight which I have used to learn patience, persistance, motivation, effective use of energy, positive attitude, and many other virture. All of your comments have helped me in my battle against inoperable lung cancer and I pray for each of you to overcome just as I intend to beat my disease. I will cointinue to read and enjoy your comments and I appreciate each of you.

Sent by John Zizelmann | 1:17 PM ET | 06-30-2007

Good luck w tests. The taste of constrast is VILE!. I was surprised recently when given a laxative miralax to find it dissolved easily but had NO..I repeat "NO flavor". No fake this...too sweet that...no flavor. The last time I had an abd CT I told the tech I simply could not hold the constrast down...as she explained to me as if I was a 3 year old all the innumerable new flavorings...I continued to say no. After this went on for 15 minutes or more, I rose as if to make my way toward the locker room. She was frantic then and came back to say the radiologist was going to work on positioning and placement so they could do the test w/o contrast. Later, when speaking to him he said in my case and for my type of Abd CT the contrast merely held the stomach over & out of the way for better pictures which has always been a fete they were able to do w positioning....if they had the time.
Sigh, I don't know the veracity of this but thought of the gallons of contrast I have ingested, gagged, vomited over the years when All I needed was to lay on my side.
Anyway keep hanging in there after all these years they think they have found a very effective combo of chemo's for my CA liver mets...so effective they want to confirm it with...yep you guessed it a PET/CT scan.

Sent by Cherie Brown | 1:24 PM ET | 06-30-2007

Tejura,

I bookmarked your blog and tried to access it, but I was denied. Please add me to your list. This way, I can travel vicariously through you while I study. I performed my first (of many) venipuncture yesterday at school :o)

Teri Thomas
teri.thomas@mercycollege.edu

Sent by Teri Thomas | 2:47 PM ET | 06-30-2007

I have to admit, patience is something that I haven't learned yet in my now almost five years of knowing I have HPS (Hermansky-Pudlak Syndrome). When I first started being in the hospital for tests, medical records were still in "charts." I could actually steal my chart and have a look for myself. Now that everything is electronic, I'm at the mercy of the staff to communicate results to me. It drives me bananas! I guess that's a skill I haven't quite mastered yet.

Sent by Heather Kirkwood | 5:23 PM ET | 06-30-2007

Loraine

We are "out there"... I am 32 years out this August and I was only treated ONCE with NO recurrances... it does happen and I am LIVING PROOF!!

There are actually more of us than you think!

One day at a time.....

Sent by Ron Bye (NH) | 9:06 AM ET | 07-01-2007

In Sundays comic section I saw a vision of myself 33 years ago. It was Funky Winkerbean for 7-1-2007, It portrays what is going thru your mind as you lay on the table getting your radiation treatments. I did some research on the comic strip and found out this is second part of a series called Lisa. I will make sure to read this strip every day after I read Leroy's blog. A book will be published later this year.
It did not make me laugh, It made me thankful that I am able to read it.

Sent by Sam Means | 6:34 PM ET | 07-01-2007

Briana:

Your letter moved me to tears... I told my dad about it over the phone, and he read it and was overwhelemed as well.... thank you.

Stephanie: I consider myself fortunate to have met you in person... whatever choices you make, and whatever thoughts you may have, you have all my support...and I send many hugs and prayers to you and your family.

To the others...i'm sending good thoughts with your upcoming therapies, waits, scans, results, and outcomes... I wish I had more to offer.

I opened my blog up again, so you may all travel alongside me, and keep me company...I won't leave until mid July... I finalized my itinerary, and my tickets are booked... now just have to make my booking to attend a cooking school in Thailand for a few days.. might as well learn vegetarian Thai cooking in the midst of it all, no?

Unfortunately, the Greek Islands are not on the agenda (this time around), focusing more on India/Tibet/Nepal/Bhutan/Thailand...and with a second leg taking on South America (where I can brush up on my Spanish!)

Until then, i'm still studying away, and packing up my belongings to move across country back to the left coast (otherwise known as my homestate of California....:))..very excited to be finally going home...and so is are my family and friends.

And please call me Krupali...

Krupali

Sent by Krupali Tejura MD | 8:53 PM ET | 07-01-2007

Leroy and all,
My husband and I just saw an independent film called, "Crazy Sexy Cancer" done by an independent film maker named Kris Carr. Look for it when you get a chance!

Betsey

Sent by betsey kuzia | 9:21 PM ET | 07-01-2007

Leroy ???

My mother died of colon cancer when I was a sophomore in college and my dad died of prostate cancer in his late 70???s, so I???ve been waiting a long time. Three months ago I was diagnosed with prostate cancer after watching my PSA reading for many years slowly climb. After several biopsies it was evident I had an aggressive cancer. June 11th I had a radical prostatectomy and after two days in the hospital came home with very little pain, a lot of hope and a catheter.

The morning of my surgery I read a Tanka poem that was perfect for the moment - "The barn burned down to the ground. Now I can see the moon." This line, that morning reminded me that life has a way of going on. One hour ago 2:30am, I zipped out my catheter, which had become a leash. July 26th I meet with my surgeon and get the pathology report and surgery margins - I can wait for ???I can now see the moon??? and share a new life path with others on OUR cancer journey.

Sent by billbaun (TX) | 4:48 AM ET | 07-02-2007

Thank you, Ron. It has helped me more than you know to hear your voice. I almost want to hold on to you like a scared kid would hold on to a teddy bear. That kind of sums it up; you've given me something to hold on to. This blog is great gathering place for us to share/quiet our fears. I'm grateful.

Sent by Loraine | 6:03 PM ET | 07-02-2007

Loraine

I am glad knowing that people such as myself exist, that have survived for a very long period of time AFTER cancer, can help you hold onto hope!

The truth is.. it is possible!! There are over 10 MILLION survivors in te US today and the number grows every day!

I am glad I could help to give you hope! If you wish to know more about me and my experiences... see http://www.canceradvocatescoalition.org

The very best of luck Loraine!!

Sent by Ron Bye (NH) | 1:33 PM ET | 07-03-2007

My Mother was dianosed with metastatic stomach cancer and after an numberous tests we were advised by her oncologist that chemo is the way to go. further, that a phase 2 trial is recommended of the following (oxaliplatin, taxere, and 5-fu) which in combination has shown (in phase 1) to have less side effects than the usual or standard chemo treatment for stomach cancer. My Brother and I have been doing some research and came across a clinical trial underway in a hosptial in Isreal. The researchers are looking at a virus that chickens carry named "Newcastle disease". a brief history is that a elderly man (A farmer)went to the Dr and was dianosed with I believe was colon cancer in the 1950's. The Dr. basically told him that he could prescribe him some morphine for the pain but that he would soon die from the disease. The man went back to his farm and lived among his farm animals some of which were chickens that were afficted with "newcastle disease".Researchers discovered that he had become cancer free and investigated further. It turns out that This man contracted new castle disease, while tending to his chickens. Studies were undertaken and research began in the 1960's and studies of cancerous laboratory animals (I believe, mice) were injected with the virus and studies have shown that the virus zeros in and kills or ONLY cancer cells while leaving healthy cells alone but that the research states that the virus only attacks certain cancers. My brother is doing all the research, so I must tell you that my knowledge is limited. The research is overseas and due to the restrictions of I guess the CDC, NDV NEWCASTLE DISEASE VIRUS cant be brought to the United States? tThe virus is fatal to birds commerially raised or confined and spreads rapidly but humans when infected only experience flulike symptoms and can tolerate the virus with meds. ANYWAY, I WAS CAPTIVATED WITH YOUR PROGRAM THAT AIRED ON A&E AND HAVE READ YOUR BLOG EVER SINCE. I'm just a person who loves his mother and will go to any means to help manage or if possible cure this dreaded disease. The irony of all of this comes from a conversation with my mother after reading one of your entries concerning places she would like to see, shes an old fashion strong willed Greek woman who said she,wanted to go "to the place where Jesus was born". The study is being conducted in Isreal,Jerusalem. ClinicalTrials.gov .....Hadassah Medical Organization, Jerusalem.....Newcastle Disease Virus (NDV) for Cancer Patients Resistant to Conventional Anti-Cancer Modalities

Sent by George W. Latsos | 2:42 AM ET | 07-04-2007

WHEN YOU STARTED YOUR BLOG, I STARTED READING IT. I THOUGHT I COULD PICK UP SOMETHING INTERESTING, HOPEFUL OR HELPFUL, AS A CO-WORKER HAD JUST BEEN DIAGNOSED WITH INOPERABLE LUNG CANCER. I HAD ALSO LOST DADDY TO PROSTATE METS BONE CANCER 13 YEARS AGO.
SINCE YOUR DAILY BLOGS, ANOTHER C-WORKER LOST HER HUSBAND TO STOMACH CANCER, AND A 3RD CO-WORKER'S HUSBAND WAS JUST DIAGNOSED WITH COLON CANCER.
YOUR WRITING IS HONEST, SAD, FUNNY,KNOWING AND A WONDERFUL TOOL FOR ME TO TRY & BE WHATEVER IT IS MY FRIENDS NEED ME TO BE RIGHT NOW.
I HAVE NEVER MET YOU, BUT I FEEL LIKE I KNOW YOU. THANK YOU FOR SHARING.

Sent by MARY JO ALBERT | 2:37 PM ET | 07-12-2007

For years my mom has been complaining to the doctor of excrutiating pain in her side and her inablility to breathe ( sort of like asthma attacks), she would cough and nothing would come up she was getting cronic bronchitis even though she did not smoke and lived a healthy life style. She was even told by the doctor that she had no need to see a specialist about her breathing problems or her constant pain. Then I for a lack of a better word got on the horn to the doctor and threatend to take her to court if she denied my mother to see a specialist. Later on she got a colonoscopy and sadly further tests were done and she has inoperable cancer of the lung, liver and bowel...I feel so helpless that I should of done more and got on the medical teams backs about the urgency of my mother's condition...If you knew what she is like she is not the one to whine over a paper cut. Now I feel so lost as to what or where to turn to to help my mom and my family through this rough time. If beauty could be seen on the inside as it is easily seen on the outside, then anyone could see that this beautiful rose deserved more care, instead of being brushed off and told it's just her ulcer (which in fact she has none). How can I help her and my family through this?? I feel so lost...

Sent by Robyn Denine | 12:12 AM ET | 08-10-2007