Hey Leroy,
I've been off in my healing place, aka Minnesota's Boundary Waters Canoe Area for the past week, and I'm just catching up on all that's been going on. My hope for you is that you have the time to find lots of healing places. XOXO

Sent by Katie | 7:54 AM ET | 07-30-2007

leroy,
for me this is your most beautiful post to date. last year pre diagnosis i read the amazing story of "LEFT TO TELL" . an incredible account of the Rwanda holocaust. the bottom line is to believe and have faith that goodness will prevail no matter what the nature of the beast is, human or cancer.

Sent by marianne dalton | 7:59 AM ET | 07-30-2007

Your words paint a vivid picture of just one example of man's inhumanity to his fellow man! In spite of these tragedies of epic proportions, amazingly hope abounds and healing can occur as time passes. The human spirit is as resilient as the flowers you saw in that killing field.

I pray for us all to find peace and be healed as our journey continues.

Terrific blog today...

Blessings and prayers.

Sent by Al Cato | 7:59 AM ET | 07-30-2007

Thank you. You make a very frightening time easier for me. You are blessed and so are we to share our lives with you.
Thanks,
Anne

Sent by anne lumberger | 8:09 AM ET | 07-30-2007

Leroy
Your gift with words is truly a blessing from God. Your words let me stand in that field with you and experience the good and the bad. May that peace and quiet be with all of us. Thank you for sharing....

Sent by Patricia A | 8:27 AM ET | 07-30-2007

I hardly know what to say to you today.
I am still in the tortured land and broken soul but know that I will find peace one day. The struggle seems so difficult and frightening now even though I am assured that there is salvation at the end. It's comforting to know that you also see peace for your future.

Sent by Vicki (FL) | 8:28 AM ET | 07-30-2007

Leroy, Now, I am crying, too. It's so hard being human. I think that's what we all want, more than anything, isn't it, - Peace. The very word is so beautiful. Peace to you and everyone here.

Sent by Marilyn | 9:17 AM ET | 07-30-2007

Leroy,
The world provides its share of sadness and struggle. Certainly what keeps us moving forward is the promise of peace and hope.
I discovered your blog when the education based organization I work for (Center for Communication In Medicine) had segments on npr. I read with interest the experiences shared daily and have the greatest respect for those assimilating cancer into their lives and the hope they hold while faced with adversity.
In our work, we share the stories of living with illness so that others might find comfort, inspiration or empowerment. Patients are the real time teachers.
Your daily writing always offers education or a perspective worthy of reflection ??? not only for those living with illness but for all of us who live in the sphere of illness. I would like to send you our film Voices from the Lived World of Illness: Advanced Cancer.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts so that we all continue to learn, reflect and understand.

Sent by Carol | 9:19 AM ET | 07-30-2007

Hello Leroy,

Yes, terrific blog today. Moving. I've been crying tears of sadness and fear, (surgery coming up on Wed.), but since reading your blog, I now have also, some tears of healing and hope in the mix. Thank you.

Heartlight,
Kim

Sent by Kim Blankenship | 9:24 AM ET | 07-30-2007

Leroy,

This post is the most well written, poetic and moving post to me thus far. It is a painting in words. It is sadly beautiful and I cried as I read it and the images flashed in my mind.

Thank you,

Lori

Sent by Lori Levin | 9:31 AM ET | 07-30-2007

Hey Leroy,
Time heals all wounds. Things will happen and continue to move on regardless of wants or needs. In that instance, time is a benefit. It continues to move forward, move towards the future, almost knowing, though not apparent at the time, that things do correct themselves and heal and become different, if not the same. I am always wishing the best for you and all that venture onto this site. The future can be a place to look forward to, and not dread.
Stay safe, stay strong,
Lance

Sent by Lance Carlson | 9:41 AM ET | 07-30-2007

Leroy, I believe that the road to find peace will not be easy, but in the end we will all nourish the Mother Earth as have millions before us. This in itself is a great cause. This is how I want my loved ones to remember me, not as some spirit or angel. I will simply be closer to our true Mother.

Sent by Jill | 9:42 AM ET | 07-30-2007

Thank you for sharing your thoughts Leroy. I can't imagine been where you are now with the battle. I give you a lot of credit for being honest. It helps me stay there also, for the good and the bad.

Sent by lisa | 9:46 AM ET | 07-30-2007

I just got out of the hospital after three weeks. I had a stem cell transplant. All I wanted to do go was go home and be with my cats. To me being home with them at this stage of is my healing place. There are so many terrible places in the world but people have a resilance to keep going no matter. The beauty of the flowers indicates the renewal and rebirth of a land or body that has been ravaged. We cancer patients do the best we can. I look at my transplant as a rebirth, especially as my real birthday approaches this Friday. It is up to us to be the best person we can be under the circumstances. Wherever we find comfort, traveling, home or being with/talking to loved ones, everday is a blessing.

Debra Albin

Sent by Debra Albin | 9:47 AM ET | 07-30-2007

Today's blog although sad does give hope for those around us that I worry about being so negatively affected. I hope that when all this is over they can heal and be left with pleasant memories and joy!

Sandra: Sorry about the scans. I hope things go well with the new chemo drugs.

Sent by Dona | 10:01 AM ET | 07-30-2007

Leroy, you're truly a poet, and a deep soul. Thank you for sharing that most moving piece of your experience. It's so very hard sometimes to understand the depth of suffering that we go through in this world. Avoidable suffering, the things that we do to one another in the mistaken belief that there is such a thing as "others" is the hardest to comprehend. That beauty and healing could come from such a terrible place is a hopeful and uplifting thing. I know that you're a journalist, and that you have a sense of obligation to make 5 entries a week. I'm sure, as I know in my own case, that being able to make a contribution, even when suffering oneself is a powerful and positive thing. Todays' post gives a glimmer of just how difficult things have been for you lately. I thank you for being who you are, and for sharing as you do, so generously with all of us. You're a wonderful brother to us all.

Sent by Nancy K. Clark | 10:09 AM ET | 07-30-2007

Your wonderful essay of this morning touches my heart deeply. This one, indeed, puts it all in perspective. I think that this is what Krupali is looking for in her travels now: trying to make some sense of all she has seen in her practice.

Leroy, thank you, and thank you some more. Your words have blessed my day.

Sent by Sandra Shuler | 10:48 AM ET | 07-30-2007

Leroy,
It seems strange to say I loved your post today, but I did. It reminded me of the beauty I saw in South Africa six months before Apartheid was lifted. There was so much death with the Afrikaans militia randomly shooting blacks, threatening whites who were sympathetic and generally trampling the beautiful nature of South Africa.

I was fortunate in that most of my time was spent in the bush with the tribal communities. I was there to develop leadership among the women and educate the communities about how their ecosystem worked, in hopes they would not/could not be taken advantage of by western salesmen trying to unload chemicals banned in the states.

The week before I arrived, seven people in one village had died from contaminated water. The salesman convinced them to kill the trees running through their village so they could plant food crops. They didn't understand the trees were there because of an underground creek (they couldn't see), that eventually made it to their water collection tank.

I was so fortunate to meet and work with (ever so briefly) a very brave and talented woman named Dr. Sue Hart who had developed an ecosystem curriculum and had it translated into seven tribal languages to share across the country.

There I was, a western outsider, but I will never forget the loving way I was embraced or the songs and dances they shared in the general course of their day. I will never forget the gigantic smiles and incredible enthusiasm they had when they took their first bus ride through the Kruger Wildlife Preserve, which had been closed to blacks for decades. The awe they felt at seeing their first giraffe, made me want to cry. I might have if I hadn't been laughing so hard with joy. It gave these folks, part of the KaNgwane Tribe, such joy to finally see and be in their natural world.

It was at that time that I realized, nature heals. No matter how hard we humans try to separate ourselves from the wilderness of our world, we are always drawn back to it in times of healing.

I now live on a 60-acre farm on which we have restored the native prairies decimated by farming. When I feel the lowest, beaten down by...well almost everything...I go out onto the trails and breathe in the natural world around me. I appreciate the quiet strength of the earth to recover from the barrage of chemicals dumped on it so only corn would grow.

I am always overwhelmed by the sense of peace I feel and return to the house feeling stronger in my resolve to keep fighting. If nature can recover from the crimes of "man," I know I can keep fighting until I prevail as well.

I am so happy for you that you felt that peace and encourage you to meditate on that vision and find that place again.

Bless you, Leroy, for continuing this blog through it all. You are an amazingly strong person and a model for us all.

Kathy Bero

Sent by Kathy Bero | 10:53 AM ET | 07-30-2007

Hi Leroy,

What an education for me this morning. I read "There is evil". Strange how sometimes we don't pay much attention to these kind of things, but coming from you got my full attention. I trust and believe everything you say. I am just left "speachless". The awful suffering that goes on in this world is real to me now, because it came from you. All I can say is WHY??

Leroy and friends, please continue to "make my day". I am facing 4 month scans next Tuesday. Always anxious, but sure helps to share with dear friends.

Sent by Betty Lewis | 10:57 AM ET | 07-30-2007

That was a beautiful post today. You made me cry (and that's a good thing). I think I'm going to hang onto this one to go back to when I need it.

Sent by NR | 11:00 AM ET | 07-30-2007

Awesome!!

Sent by Sandy Lathe | 11:09 AM ET | 07-30-2007

What a remarkable essay, Leroy. You are mining deep veins today. Love and blessing to you as you continue unfolding.

Sent by Sarah | 11:33 AM ET | 07-30-2007

Leroy,

You are a truly gifted writer! Isn't it amazing (and wonderful) that grisly scenes can become gardens given time? The same thing would be true of the Nazi camps, except that they are maintained so people won't forget.

Whatever else it might be, death is an end to sorrow and pain for the person who dies.

Sent by Diana Kitch | 11:51 AM ET | 07-30-2007

Leroy It sounds like you are at peace, just having flare-ups. The words you speak are beautiful and we all shed a tear because of them. You can make me close my eyes and see the people you write about. Thanks.

Sent by Pat Beach | 11:51 AM ET | 07-30-2007

Leroy, your weekend gave all of us a beautiful post. GREAT STORY.
My radiation treatments 32 years earlier damaged my heart and lungs. So in May 2006 my heart stopped, While the doctors worked on me, I found my "Safe place". I stayed in ICU for 2 monthes under the drug "Vercid". during this time the procedures being done were very painful, but I SURVIVED by going to my "safe place" in my mind. I willed myself to go to a Templar Knights castle in the Middle East where there was a courtyard with tropical fruit fountains and PEACE AND TRANQUILITY, I stayed there until I could take laying in a bed trying to SURVIVE this latest chapter in my life.
I thought I was crazy using this approach for pain reduction, or it was just the drug. It does work I think everyone should give it a try.

Sent by Sam Means | 12:01 PM ET | 07-30-2007

Bless you, Leroy.

Sent by Doris | 12:15 PM ET | 07-30-2007

Leroy,
I missed Friday's blog, but would like to comment on it. My daughter rides at a barn with another girl whose mother has MS. I didn't notice anything when they first came to the barn last winter. Of course, I wasn't there as often because I was in chemo from breast cancer. In the spring, I saw that she was having a hard time getting around and asked what was the matter. Interestingly, her MS is treated with chemo. She looks forward to the treatments because they make her feel so much better. Imagine! They only give so many treatments and she's spacing them out as much as possible because there isn't much else to help her at this stage. Would I trade cancer and a lifetime of heart issues for her MS. No. Of course, I haven't been down the road of metastatic disease and you just don't know what it's like until you've walked these roads in your own shoes.

Sent by Marcia | 12:19 PM ET | 07-30-2007

Bless you Leroy. May we all find peace and light.
Scarlett

Sent by Scarlett Harris | 12:29 PM ET | 07-30-2007

Leroy, Your work everyday, helps so many of us through this journey. You are a rest stop along the path. It pleases you when you see the ground heal, and i guess it heals you to a certain extent. My Uncle went to the 60 Anniversary of Okinawa, thought he would be able to find everything. But in the end, he had to hire a local to take him to the places most important to him.He came back changed, not about the Japanese, but because of the graveyards, and how deeply they are respected. This path we all walk is a difficult one, but not so difficult as the path our young Marines and Soldiers walk. I like to think we walk with them, giving them strength as they give it to us. Stan

Sent by Stan Wozniak | 12:40 PM ET | 07-30-2007

Dear Leroy,

I have no words........only tears.
Always in my prayers. Sasha

Sent by sasha | 12:47 PM ET | 07-30-2007

Suffering maybe universal but peace is eternal. Hopefully the souls taken there know the same peace that you felt and conveyed to us.
Peace

Sent by jessie | 12:52 PM ET | 07-30-2007

Dear Leroy
I don't know how you could endure witnessing such misery. The pictures that rise, unbidden, to your conscious mind over and over. You did it willingly and you continued on the same path. And I feel, no, I *know*, that your presence there made a difference. You have made a terrific difference. More than any monument or grand building, or work of art, more than the raising of a child, you have directed attention to human suffering. You have on a grand scale issued a call to humanity's collective higher self. In a secular but very real way you helped the world be better by evoking compassion and awareness of a terrible problem. While one person suffers we all suffer. In the end, all is well. Death is not the worst that can happen. What you witnessed was worse than death, and yet Life overcame it. I wish you the peace of knowing that no matter what the suffering, all is well, all will be well. You make me think of Anderson Cooper, who feels best when he is covering trauma and conflict. I couldn't understand how he could continue covering Hurricane Katrina for so many weeks (the smell alone would have sent me running). But when I read that book I knew. You are a spiritually brave and loving man. Hugs.
Alycia

Sent by Alycia Keating | 1:01 PM ET | 07-30-2007

Thanks for this post Leroy. Your writing paints a vivid picture.They are also healing words of much hope.
Sending thoughts and prayers your way.

Sent by Kerry | 1:03 PM ET | 07-30-2007

Hi Leroy and All,

Beautiful blog today!! I read it to my husband and had to stop many times while I cried. I could see the suffering through your words and hear the cries. I don't understand why we, as a world community, can't lay down our weapons and stop harming each other. Why can't we use all of our resources to confront and real enemies of humanity: disease, poverty and hatred?

I'm glad you returned to that terrible field and found change and some peace. I, too am searching for a release from memories. In my 42 years of nursing, I saw many people die, from children who never had a chance at life to seniors who were completing life's journey. When I think about these people, I can still see their faces, especially the children. My release is knowing we did all we could and my wish is that we could have done more. I have seen doctors cry and I have cried with them. Perhaps, in the future, we will be able to put an end to diseases such as Cancer. In the mean time we have hope and each other.

Kim, good luck on your surgery, Wednesday. A special prayer for you, for sure!

To everyone: Love, comfort and hope!
God Bless!

Eileen Pruyne
Charlotte

Sent by Eileen Pruyne | 1:21 PM ET | 07-30-2007

Dear Leroy,
Thank you for a very beautiful post! It reminds me that Nature can totally transform a place of sadness and horror into a place of beauty and peace. It has been my best medicine and keeps me going during the bad times.I'm going to enjoy the mountains soon and that will be my time for healing. To all who are part of this Community....I wish you Peace! All my best to you and Laurie.

Sent by Judith Tynan | 1:22 PM ET | 07-30-2007

Hello
I wonder if many have been in my situation, my husband is a paraplegic and needs my help 24/7. We have no family (but lots of friends) down here in Fl. Now I have stage 4 lung cancer which has metastastised to my brain. I have had the radiaition and will have an MRI soon.Our children come down very often and are very supportive....Any suggestions? I am still able to drive, shop etc.

Sent by jean | 1:45 PM ET | 07-30-2007

Leroy,
Thank you. Every day you touch my soul.
Yes, there is evil in the world. It is a comfort to know that in the end God's good will prevail.
Charlotte in Temecula

Sent by Charlotte Kewish | 1:49 PM ET | 07-30-2007

Thank you for bearing witness, with all its unbearable weight -- in Rwanda, in Cancer World, and throughout your career. I wish you the lightness and safe place of fellow abductees here, as you move towards your next treatment.

Sent by Marcia | 1:56 PM ET | 07-30-2007

Leroy, you just seem to have the pulse of the moment for all of us. This blog today has lifted my spirits and renewed my determination. Thank you, Best, Estelle

Sent by Estelle | 2:13 PM ET | 07-30-2007

I read your post late this morning. I'm am overwhelmed and without words. I can only thank you for all you give to us. What a blessing you are.

Sent by Laurel M. Jones | 2:25 PM ET | 07-30-2007

To Jean,

My heart goes out to you. I am not familiar with in home services in Florida but your doctor should be able to give some guidence. Be sure to tell him your circumstances.

Also, if you or your husband are at least 65 years old, you may be eligible for some in home services through the Agency on Aging. Each state has an agency. You can contact them by calling information and asking for the state office for The Agency on Aging. They can explain the available services and how to apply for them.

Also some of the larger cities have services through their Department of Social Services. Their number should be in your phone book under government agencies.

Please let us know how you make out.
Our thoughts and prayers are with you.

Eileen Pruyne
Charlotte

Sent by Eileen Pruyne | 3:10 PM ET | 07-30-2007

Leroy,

Thanks, from my heart, for a remarkable and touching essay this morning. The little boy who died at your feet is every one of us, particularly those who will die from cancer. I do not think that the ground was cursed, however. I believe it was and is hallowed ground, as significant as any memorial. What remains there today is God's own memorial to these souls.

Last week, I was having coffee with a physician friend. When I asked him about what inside information he might possess regarding a cure for cancer, he made a remarkable statement:

"Michael, there will never be a cure for cancer. A cure would not be in the best interests of American business, the AMA or the drug companies."

There it was.

And, when you consider just how much of a growth industry cancer really is, it makes perfect sense. In fact, multi-billions of dollars of sense.
A view of the American Cancer Society web page at: http://www.cancer.org/docroot/PRO/content/PRO_1_1_Cancer_Statistics_2007_Presentation.asp will quickly reinforce this unpalatable statement. With all due respect to healthcare professionals, researchers and those in the hospice and nursing fields, a half million deaths annually can't be bad for business. In fact, if I were to show up at my local venture capitol broker with the curve this shows, they would be tripping over each other to invest. Guess what?...they are.

Rwanda was horrifying, gripping, chilling and terifying. Guess what..America is worse. We cancer patients have become the Tutsies of the world.

What we need now is more little boys tugging on shoelaces.

Michael Lewis
Seattle

Sent by Michael Lewis | 3:31 PM ET | 07-30-2007

Your blog today is so moving in conveying the human heart in our tragic and unthinkably violent world and in individual journeys facing cancer and other diseases that make us face mortality. May your vivid and rich memories of your amazing life continue to elicit moments of peace to sustain you, knowing that you have and continue to deeply touch so many lives.

Sent by Karen Q | 3:37 PM ET | 07-30-2007

Hi Leroy,
I wish I were an elegant writer and could touch another's soul just as you did mine today. I will send thoughts of peace your way as I do everyday to the rest of the world. And to all who write here everyday. Wonderful, dear souls!

Sent by Lyn Banghart | 3:41 PM ET | 07-30-2007

Leroy, beautiful, truly inspiring. It reminded me of rainbows after the rain storm. It sounds like your words not only touched me but all the rest of the blog family as well. Thank you!

Sent by Laurie H. | 4:30 PM ET | 07-30-2007

Leroy, have you written your experiences for a book? Hope so and if so, I would love to own a copy of it. Your memories of Rwanda are touching and so awful to experience. My husband has the memory of seeing his buddy blown up a few paces in front of him by a land mine in the Islands during WWII. Death is and has been part of our living.
You have been doing so much with your writings and thoughts in this new experience of yours. So many others are obviously traveling the same path with you. Please do not let depression set in. I worry about that but think you are strong enough to put it in it's place. Optimism has always been your strong point!

Sent by J C Rakowski | 4:44 PM ET | 07-30-2007

beautiful

Sent by Jenn | 6:15 PM ET | 07-30-2007

Sometimes while I'm in the worst of it I try to think "things could be worse". Although sometimes it's hard to see --there are things in this world that do not even compare to my suffering. If I could do anything to end the suffering of so many in this world I would trade anything for that. My life will be a short one, I hope that with the 26 or so years I've had here I can make some kind of difference. The differences you've made, Leroy, are hard to top.

Sent by Laurie | 7:21 PM ET | 07-30-2007

Peace be with you, Leroy and with the rest of this loving crew.

Sent by William Atsumi | 8:23 PM ET | 07-30-2007

Leroy:
This poem has always taught me how unimportant I am in the scheme of life. Those rocks in Rwanda are in your face now because rocks endure while humans do not. Yet, those rocks can REMIND you of a lost civilization and in this case the dying people of Rwanda.

Ozymandias
By Percy Bysshe Shelley
I met a traveller from an antique land,
Who said--"Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desart....Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk a shattered visage lies, whose frown,
And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them, and the heart that fed;
And on the pedestal, these words appear:
My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings,
Look on my Works, ye Mighty, and despair!
Nothing Of that colossal Wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away."

Ozymandias
By Percy B. Shelley

,

Who said--"Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desart....Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk a shattered visage lies, whose frown,
5 And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them, and the heart that fed;
And on the pedestal, these words appear:
10 My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings,
Look on my Works, ye Mighty, and despair!
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal Wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away."

Sent by Susan P | 9:41 PM ET | 07-30-2007

Leroy:

I hope you find moments of peace and love when you are overwhelmed, as I hope that others can as well...

I am leaving India today, and have prayed hard for you and the rest of the folks to be happy...and well...and that everyone has strength to get through their path right now...

Will be in Nepal shortly, and will be visiting tons of monasteries and temples, and will be turning the prayer wheels for everyone as well.

The world can be cruel, harsh at times... but those moments that you mentioned above...bring life to full circle. Simple moments are the ones that matter.

Your writing is simply amazing...and sometimes it takes my breath away.

Be well Leroy..
Hugs from India

--Krupali
p.s. sending regards to Laurie as well...

Sent by Krupali Tejura MD | 10:02 PM ET | 07-30-2007

As a nurse and as a cancer patient, I am deeply disturbed by the comment by Michael Lewis. I do not believe that my oncologist would not be THRILLED to work herself out of a job. There are many other arenas in which she could devote her considerable intelligence if breast cancer (her specialty) were to be cured and eradicated. As for nurses, for God's sake, we don't make enough money to be included in this cynical rant. Most nurses I know and work with are in this vocation for the good that we can do for others. It is not 'easy money'! It is emotionally and physically challenging each and every day that nurses come to work. Especially is specialty areas in which many/most of their patients do not have good outcomes. Thanks be to God that nurses are there to hold our hands while we endure what we must to treat our disease.

I just cannot stand by and read this without comment myself, in defense of my profession. Thanks for the forum.

Sent by Sandra Shuler | 10:04 PM ET | 07-30-2007

Leroy,

I have no words to describe how touched I am by this post. I imagine that it is difficult to know whether you have such great humanity because of or in spite of your experiences in Rwanda. In either case, you have carried those unspeakable terrors forward for us, and we are indebted to you for doing so.

I wish for all of us to find healing and peace on this journey.

Sent by Sheara | 10:08 PM ET | 07-30-2007

Even in the middle of heartbreaking ugliness, one can find beauty. One just has to look REALLY, REALLY hard :-)

I'm reminded of this as I finish moving out of Terry and my house this week. I wonder sometimes why I'm not more saddened by this move...I truly expected to be. But I more look forward to the new life yet to begin.
There's a whole new adventure just around the corner--and I was seriously, severely, EXTREMELY flirted with just a few minutes ago at the grocery store. So although I made it clear I was flattered but "no thank you for now," life does go on and things/places/people can heal. We just have to stay open to the possibilities.

But good lord, I hope I run into this person again in a few months...wow. :-)

Sent by Bruce | 10:22 PM ET | 07-30-2007

Leroy - I've just returned from being away to my healing place and hiked and walked the beautiful mountains in Montana and "touched the heavens".....thought of all of you, and prayed for peace and health for all of us......some how in that beautiful place, so near the blue sky and clouds - I'm sure that God heard me......

Sent by Ruth Chermok | 10:26 PM ET | 07-30-2007

Dear Leroy,
Thank you for your post today---i've been doing chemo for 5 years now and have exhausted all avenues. I am on a trial drug and hopefully it will help.The only reason i am sharing this with you is to say for you to stay strong and keep on bloging. Your words are golden and touching....we apprriciate you helping us through these times. We hope our responces to you have helped you as well. Take care ...be well.. xo dee

Sent by dee congress | 11:05 PM ET | 07-30-2007

Leroy,

I was really taken back by your blog today. It was sad but at the same time full of hope. Bottom line, we are not in charge.

Sent by Sue from Plano | 12:41 AM ET | 07-31-2007

Dear Mr. Sievers --

It's been a while since I last wrote to you. Since then we lost a friend to brain cancer and I just learned that a cousin (close in blood, but distant in miles and time) passed away a few weeks ago from a rare form of lymphoma. Also, today was my weekly visit to the City of Hope. So, as you can imagine, your blog is on my mind. One entry hit home on a high note. Just like you, when people ask me how I am, I always say fine or great. I've learned that is what they want to hear and I say it often enough and with enough cheer, that I feel good.

Much like everyone with cancer has learned, I have come to realize -- in no uncertain terms --- cancer is the most indiscriminate villan in the world. I go to the City of Hope which is in Duarte, a city about 25 miles west of Los Angeles and Pasadena. As you know, Los Angeles has an incredibly large community of immigrants and forreign visitors. My "unit" focuses on kidney cancers and a few other cancers. Across the hall is the pediatric unit. The two floors below handle other cancers and everyone checks in at the main desk to the whole facility. I don't mean to wax poetic, but cancer strikes every religion, every race, every ethnic group, every creed and every age.

So here I am in a hospital created by a group of generous Jews and it treats, catholics, christians, hindus, muslims and everyother religion you can imagine. It bothers me that we can only become one in the face of a tragedy. I suppose this is the one tragedy that one group cannot place blame on another, so we come together. It is encouraging. One can only hope that is spreads to others.

Since I have spent a lot of time there, I have decided to make the best of it --- for me and for others. I can't begin to tell you how much all the people that are sitting and waiting, both patients and family, are eager to talk in a comfortable enviroment. With all the tragedy and heartache that is going on around me. I come out every Monday in a good mood. No longer do I refrain from speaking to people in wheel chairs, on crutches or with that skin tight scarf on their heads. No need to ask what they have, what their treatment is, etc., they will get to it if they are up for it. In the meantime, talking, just simple stuff, where are you from? is that your daughter? is that your son? leads to a conversation and we all feel better. I don't think it is a "birds of a feather" kind of thing. I think it is more of the fact that we have come to appreciate life and others much more than most. I no longer cry when I see the 1 year old with an IV, no hair and a pacificer. Nope, I talk to the parents and I don't say "I'm sorry" I say you look great, this place is great, I hope you are doing well, where are you from and we talk, just talk -- and we always feel better. Even with a short ride in an elevator, you become part of the mutual support society!!

The staff at the City of Hope helps. In my 10 visits, I have yet to come across anyone who was anything short of great.

I have two more weeks then I don't go back for 2 months. I think I will miss it.

Much like what you have gone through and shared --- and for sharing like this, you deserve congratulations and thank yous of the highest order --- we have been able to live, learn, grown, and become better people through our experiences.

While I have been lucky and my post op treatments have had almost no side effects, my family, and in partiular, my wife, live with that 50-50 number sitting in the back of our heads. Oddly enough, I do not fear the negative 50% as I thought I would. Rather, if it comes, I intend to consider it a challenge and attack it with all that I have --- no matter what! Foolish maybe, healthy absolutely, after all, we are all bound to die, I'll just to my best to make it happen as late as I can and enjoy all that I can while I can -- something that I put off for 20 years trying to build a career.

I've said enough for now and I'll check in again later. Nevertheless, I want you to know that you have done more for cancer patients (we are not victims!!!) that I could imagine anyone else doing.

Living in LA with one kidney and a number of scars, I remain truly

Steve Albright
Calabasas, CA

Sent by Steve Albright | 1:26 AM ET | 07-31-2007

Best post yet Leroy. Beautiful and gave me much peace.

Michael Lewis, Seattle, I am living and being treated in Seattle and would like to discuss a more activist role in all this policy stuff with you. Have large corporte high ranking experience.

Sent by Joan McDade | 2:31 AM ET | 07-31-2007

God Bless You Leroy for all of your comforting words. I am helping a friend with colon cancer at this time and lost my Dad to colon cancer last year and your words have helped me deal with this. May we all find peace in our lives.

Sent by Teresa | 10:26 AM ET | 07-31-2007

Leroy - this is my first post, but I have been enjoying your blog for months. Well, maybe enjoy is the wrong word! I've noticed since being dx with ovarian cancer 6+ years ago is that words have taken on a whole new meaning. Your words have so eloquently described what cancer-land is about. Doesn't matter what kind of cancer it is - we have all been in the same dark places; some of us are lucky enough to have weathered our cancer storms fairly intact, while others continue to struggle so. Thank you for sharing so much of your journey. It's hard to imagine going through the procedure you just did with so much humor - I guess like any of us, you just put one foot in front of the other and do what you have to do. I am quietly but passionately rooting for you from the sidelines and will continue to look forward to your post in my in-box every morning. Wishing you all the best.
Be well,
Pamela

Sent by Pamela Elliott | 9:57 AM ET | 08-10-2007