wow, what a scare Leroy, i'm so sorry you had to go to the ER, its never fun no matter what the reason. what a rollercoaster ride you've been on. I truly hope the ride smoothes out for you soon.
jenn

Sent by Jenn | 7:25 AM ET | 08-20-2007

I have a couple of cysts along the hairline on my skull. For the moment, we are just "letting them be". Meanwhile my shoulder-length hair has been cut and I am doing the spiked cover up look with short hair. The tumors on my spine and my skull have been radiated and I am meeting my surgeon today to schedule surgery for a port. I keep seeing progress, as we move forward in each challenge we face. Leroy, I am hopeful that this time it may not be the Beast. I am hopeful the pain is under control. I had a difficult time "giving in" to pain meds. I don't want to be drugged - I don't want to misss a thing.

Sent by Kay | 8:02 AM ET | 08-20-2007

Oh Leroy...My heart fell when I read this. I am so sorry you both went through this. Stress can do scary, very scary things to the ones who love you. I'm having similar issues and it scared the daylights out of us. My Dr. said stress can cause cysts but I have to be monitored. You are both in my continued prayers...

Hang tough!

Sent by Sarah Senter | 8:14 AM ET | 08-20-2007

What a scare! Glad that it is a cyst and not you-know-what. Being the patient is sometimes easier than being the caregiver or "the one standing by the bed". We know the routines and while they are still unnerving, they are familiar to us. Watching someone you love go through all of the tests and endure the seemingly endless waiting for answers gives us a glimpse into the caregivers' world. Not easy for either party. Talk about role reversal or "walk a mile in my shoes"! Maybe this event, unfortunate as it is, can help us understand and build upon our loved ones' perspectives as they have stood beside us in our cancer fight.

Prayers will continue that this is what it seems to be, "a cyst". While not a trivial thing but hopefully not the Beast. Occasionally the sunlight does come streaming through the dark and foreboding clouds! May it be so with you and your loved one.

Sent by Al Cato | 8:22 AM ET | 08-20-2007

Morning Leroy! Strange message and it would seem that it may be your Laurie and not yourself that was the cause of your concern?
"Just a Cyst. as big as a grapefruit" How descriptive! You do not need that. I, with the others who love you, will await your answer. Good Luck.
`

Sent by J C Rakowski | 8:30 AM ET | 08-20-2007

Dear Leroy,

I am praying for your loved one that it is only a cyst and that soon they will be well. Sometimes it feels like it will never end, always something to worry about, but life moves on regardless,
Take care,
Lianne

Sent by Lianne Friedman | 8:30 AM ET | 08-20-2007

Dear Leroy, I'm glad your scare was less than you expected. Unfortunately my results were not. The pain in my back is another cancerous lesion spread from my breast cancer, the lesion in my brain has increased and some smaller lesions have appeared in just 6 weeks. I nor my doctor understand this rapid spread. So now I go for radiation therapy and then back to chemo (which seemed to be helping my cough caused by lesions in my lungs). Although I am upset by all this I am determined to collect Social Security Disability and hang around for a while longer. My faith in God and the prayers from so many people around me are sustainig me. I don't usually like to complain about my situation but I wanted to say that this blog has been a saving grace knowing that others are suffering, surving past their progrnosis and support each other wholeheartedly. Thank you Leroy for continuing this blog and thank you all the regular contributors and I know I feel very specail when someone mentions my name too. We are all family and support for each other . My love and prayers go out to all of you.

Sent by Vicki (FL) | 8:36 AM ET | 08-20-2007

Hello Leroy,

This morning you have moved me to a place of concerned silence. Whatever all that you and your loved one(s) are going through, I am sending caring thoughts and prayers.

peace,

Kim

Sent by Kim Blankenship | 8:39 AM ET | 08-20-2007

I cannot stop smiling. It is such a gift to get some good news amidst all the bad. My cup runneth over for you!

Bless you Leroy!

Sent by sara | 9:12 AM ET | 08-20-2007

Ever feel like a bowling pin, just waiting for that big heavy ball to shoot down the lane and send you spinning? I do. I hope it really is just a cyst. My best to both of you.

Sent by Stephanie Dornbrook | 9:12 AM ET | 08-20-2007

Dear Leroy,

Again, I am so sorry for what you are having to endure. It seems as if it never ends. Every day, every week a new surprise Please know that you and Laurie are in my prayers.

Iam off to the doctors with my husband now. After fifteen months of tolerating chemo well and living a pretty normal life, he is staring to make a downward slide. His blood count is very bad so we have to see what has to be done to rectify this. I see this as " The beginning of the end " I hope I am wrong. People tell me that my problem is that I'm not strong and that I don't have courage and it makes me very sad because I try very hard. But, I read a quote.
Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the
little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try
again tomorrow.
--Mary Anne Radmacher

Always in my prayers.........sasha

Sent by Sasha | 9:13 AM ET | 08-20-2007

That must have been so frightening. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your loved one, for thorough tests, good results, simple surgery, and a quick recovery - for BOTH of you.

Sent by LIO | 9:28 AM ET | 08-20-2007

Leroy, that was terrifying to listen to, and I can only imagine how much moreso it was to go through. I'm assuming that it was Laurie who was involved, and I wish her all the best, that this goes as smoothly as possible, and that she's no worse for wear soon.
It's certainly one of those times in life that brings on an intensity of emotion, and an altered sense of time, and the realization that "bad" things can happen to us.

Sent by Nancy K. Clark | 9:39 AM ET | 08-20-2007

Leroy,

There are so few words to express the feelings that I have about this post. Please know that your readers are sending their prayers, positive thoughts, etc. for healing and recovery.

April, you are clearly a wonderful daughter who gave much joy to your father over his last five years. Take comfort in knowing that what you gave him were the greatest gifts of all.

Martie, We both have wedding anniversaries on Wednesday. I'm only one year behind you. I'll be thinking of you then.

Sent by Sheara | 9:41 AM ET | 08-20-2007

And to think that I had you at the beach, taking a well deserved three day weekend. I saw you and Laurie walking in the sand enjoying your time alone.

I wish that was how you really had spent your weekend. I feel bad that you had to go through such worry. And I am relieved that it wasn't you in that bed.

In January, after I had been through chemo, surgery and radiation my husband got a detached retina. There I was next to his bed in the hospital. I was truly sorry for his misery and hated to see him so vulnerable and scared. I wanted to make it all go away and knew I was powerless to do so.

But is sure is different being the person standing next to the bed. As much as I love him and didn't want him to suffer, I have to admit that I was grateful that I was not in that hospital bed.

Sent by Laurel M. Jones | 9:41 AM ET | 08-20-2007

Leroy, Thank God for cysts. Your last paragraph was a bit confusing, where you said you were not the person in the hospital bed. Maybe it's just me. I'm so happy for your.
NOTE TO VICKI: You said you had pain in your back, exactly where is/was the pain, what part of your back?

Sent by Ruth White | 9:53 AM ET | 08-20-2007

Dear Leroy,
LIFE is not easy----we all wish you and yours lots of easy . Think of the red "easy" button, maybe that will work for the rest of us ,too. Take care xo dee

Sent by Dee Congress | 9:59 AM ET | 08-20-2007

Leroy, It was great to hear your voice this morning -eventhough the post was frightening- it leads me to believe in a hopeful outcome.
Wishing you and yours all the best as you navigate through these next steps to get things resolved.
Deb

Sent by Deb | 10:02 AM ET | 08-20-2007

Dear Leroy and Loved One

I had so hoped Friday would be a day you could leave a medical crisis behind and so something fun, as fun as anything can be while still in such pain, Leroy - but I am dismayed by this news. However, it is good that it is probably benign. Not just good, great. You've got enough on your plate for now. Vicki, I will pray for you, also. My mother is in the chemo chair today for four hours. I am getting apprehensive. What next? What if it comes back as soon as she stops chemo? Thank God we have prayer to sustain us. All of you are in mine. Take care.

Sent by Connie E. | 10:08 AM ET | 08-20-2007

Praise the Lord! I am so glad that it is most likely a benign cyst. The emotional roller coaster has to take a toll though. The highs and lows can be as fatiguing as the chemo. Hang in there Leroy.

Sent by kim Barbato | 10:16 AM ET | 08-20-2007

Oh, Larry, I feel as if I have gone through the wringer with you! It is difficult when those who have been so strong for us, need help themselves. I had to spend time sitting next to my son's bed in the hospital in May. He is fine, but I think I know how you feel.

And I could smack you for putting us all through this in your very journalistic way!

Sent by Ruth from Virginia | 10:21 AM ET | 08-20-2007

I bet you know how to give your loved one the love and support they need the most. I'm happy you didn't have to share the same fear.

Sent by Sandi Li | 10:27 AM ET | 08-20-2007

Leroy: Prayers are with you.

Sasha: Double prayers today for your husband...and you. Stop listening to those other people who tell you you have to be brave...No you don't! You are doing everything you can and until they walk in your shoes, they will NEVER understand. Wish I could talk to you sometime by phone or email. I can't change things, but I know how it feels.
Nikki

Sent by Nikki | 10:38 AM ET | 08-20-2007

Leroy, I know I've been quiet for awhile--I've been up to my eyeballs in work, and not always in a good way--but I've been reading every day. And while I read your podcast instead of hearing it, I can imagine your voice. I can hear your fear. And the fear of the person at whose bedside you stood, and still stand.

Last week, a coworker newly diagnosed with breast cancer spent several hours in my office. Hey, I'm the woman beating Stage IV CRC, so 'who you gonna call?' The beast-buster, of course. As if I had all the answers--which I don't.

While I was trying to give her comfort and support, showing her some of the directions she can take, she was telling me that I am her hero. I am not always comfortable being 'hero material.' I'm just me...and sometimes I feel lost and helpless and scared to death, too. I feel especially lost and helpless and scared to death when I am working with someone newly diagnosed. It's as if my own fight can only have so much meaning, and cancer comes back to remind me that NO ONE is invulnerable.

No one likes to be reminded that s/he's at risk, always at risk.

And then, trying to set up some support check-ins for my co-worker, I met with another co-worker, a friend I've known for years. She's having a biopsy Tuesday. Same surgeon, same possible diagnosis--and she has a family history. She doesn't need the details or the list of questions to ask the doctor...she wasn't even going to say anything (to me) until she knew for sure. She didn't want me to worry.

That's not the first time I've heard that. But I can't seem to make anyone understand that I'd worry anyway. That I'll know, and I'll still be concerned and feel scared and helpless and vulnerable--not for me, but for them. I know where you are right now, and I wish I could help.

But it's like Sasha quoted--"Courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"

It's tough being a beast-buster...but your friend couldn't have a better person at her side.

Sent by Pat | 10:40 AM ET | 08-20-2007

Leroy - I'm so sorry for all that you and your family have been through. I continue to be greatful that you share it all in your eloquent way and turn it into something positive and beautiful.

It must have been interesting to experience and reflect on how it feels to be on the other side of the hospital bed, but I wouldn't wish it on you or your loved one for a single second.

Sasha - if your hands are doing good work and your heart is full of love, be confident that you are on the right path.

Vicki - don't give in.

I'm praying for all of you to feel the strength you already have and accept the support and love you will receive to get you through whatever you may face.

Sent by Nichole in FL | 10:41 AM ET | 08-20-2007

Leroy,
I am so sorry both of your had to go through this. I was so hoping you were having a good day off. Any day in the ER is a bad day. You are both in my prayers.
Charlotte in Temecula

Sent by Charlotte Kewish | 10:42 AM ET | 08-20-2007

Good Morning Leroy and All,

I am so sorry to hear that your loved one is ill and I hope that it is a cyst and not something more dire. I know it was a very anxiety provoking day for both of you. Certainly not a day of the hoped for R&R. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

I also know how difficult it is to be the one at the bedside. I have stood there too when my husband, Tom had two open heart procedures. And now we wait and watch every 6 months for ECHO Cardiogram results. And now he is also at my side for my journey through Cancer World. I know I couldn't travel this road without him and all of you.

To Vicki, our thoughts and prayers are also with you for your battles that lie ahead. God Speed your recovery!

To Sasha and your husband, I am holding you close in my heart and prayers are going up. I hope your news will be better than you anticipate. You are right about courage, it fills all the tiny steps that we all take throughout our travels in Cancer World.

To all, Sunshine on your path and strength and HOPE in your hearts!!
God Bless!

Eileen Pruyne
Charlotte

Sent by Eileen Pruyne | 10:49 AM ET | 08-20-2007

Hey Leroy
No fair scaring the cancer patients! Although it did feel good to know our hearts were still beating, even if it was in our throats. No more scares, we cant take it. Glad you and your friend are ok

Sent by liz Zimmerman | 10:55 AM ET | 08-20-2007

Leroy,
I am so sorry - now you are on both sides of the isle. I hope that things turn out the way you want them too. It is so hard to see our loved ones go through tough times. I have always felt worse for my husband and son to see me go through this nightmare. I wish you and your loved one well.
I did miss you on Friday and do truly understand - but just wanted you to know that you were missed!
Jolyn

Sent by Jolyn | 11:02 AM ET | 08-20-2007

What a scare, Leroy! It must have been so very hard to be on the 'other side.' And, why this after all you have been through. Sometimes, I just don't get it.

Sending positive thoughts to you & yours.......

Sent by lisa | 11:26 AM ET | 08-20-2007

Here's to the fragile yet resilient and enduring ties that bind. How uncanny but also what a gift to one another in sharing your arduous journeys and roles. May it be a cyst that once removed allows for swift healing. And what a hand you played in the post -- is there a venture into a new genre completely outside cancer world in the mix?

In reading the difficult news from Kay, Sasha and Vicki, sending only best thoughts and continued courage in whatever tone suits.

Sent by Marcia | 11:35 AM ET | 08-20-2007

To Nikki,

Thank you so much for your heartfelt response. It is greatly appreciated. And again, my condolences to you and your family. Be Well............Sasha

Sent by sasha | 12:20 PM ET | 08-20-2007

Hi Leroy,

I had hoped on your return, you would tell us you had fun. ER visits ARE NOT FUN no matter which side of the cart you are on. I am sorry hear that is how you had to spend your day. I do hope all is better now.

I think, you will have to have another free day without any mishaps.

Sent by Susan Chap | 12:24 PM ET | 08-20-2007

Leroy,
I am praying for you and your love one. I know it was a big scare, thank God it looks like a cyst.

Vicki(FL)
My heart broke when I read your post. We all live with the fear of the cancer spreading or coming back. I hate what you are going through now. It is something we will all face one day. We are all praying for you and I know God is with you. Don't give up hope!! With God all things are possible. My love and prayers are with you.
David

Sent by David White | 12:29 PM ET | 08-20-2007

To Eileen,

Thank you for your kind words. May God bless you. Sasha

Sent by sasha | 12:29 PM ET | 08-20-2007

Dear Leroy,
Drama is good in movies...but who needs it in their life? I hope you have love stories and maybe a few comedies to lighten your heavy load.

To All: This Thurs, the 23rd, I go in to have my left upper lung removed (if I am lucky)...the doc says it could be the whole lung as the tumor is abutting my heart...I won't know til it is over. This is my first real procedure against the beast.....and it feels like the beginning of the end. I also know that I am lucky just to be able to have the surgery and to get the huge cancerous tumor removed. I'll try to show courage to help my four daughters who's lives have also been turned upside down...but I am truley scared! I know it's just the beginning of a very long road-trip, but I could sure use the prayers and thoughts of my fellow travelers...on 8/23..as I want to be around to see my 70th birthday on Aug. 27th.

If this is the journey to the end, I won't be asking anyone "are we there yet?". Sometimes mystery can be a good thing.

Leroy and Laurie, and all who are suffering.....prayers and special thoughts go out to each of you. May something good happen to each of you today.

Sent by Cyn Hennard (VT) | 12:35 PM ET | 08-20-2007

Leroy, you are truly a gifted writer. My heart was right there with you, and the tears were welling. I was so glad it wasn't you, but so sorry for what is happening to someone you love. I wish you both peace and your loved a speedy resolution.

Vicki and Sasha, you will be in my thoughts. I found myself getting mad for you Sasha. How dare someone tell you that you are not strong!! I agree with what Nikki said...that you should not listen.

I can celebrate the end of radiation today! It feels good to be finishing, but I have lots of apprehensions about it too.

May we all have peace and light whatever comes.
Scarlett

Sent by Scarlett | 12:35 PM ET | 08-20-2007

Leroy, I don't have cancer, but I read your blog often. Why? Because you face your life head-on, with emotions flowing. You're an inspiration to me because of that. I am so glad that this latest encountwer with pain turned out to most likely a cyst. It doesn't make the pain go away I am sure, but you have the eyes of those who love you showing relief. I am so grateful that you share your feelings and thoughts with others.

Sent by Sandy | 12:37 PM ET | 08-20-2007

Then who?

We care.

Sent by Judith Newkirk | 12:42 PM ET | 08-20-2007

I'm with Ruth from VA. I just wanted to slap you Leroy! You really had me going...

I'm still concerned that yet another person is now worrying and completely taken over with thoughts of, "Is it malignant? Is it growing? Spreading? Am I going to die?" I am so sorry. Please give us a name, if you can, so we can add him/her to our prayers.

Sent by Jordis | 1:02 PM ET | 08-20-2007

Sasha & Nikki

The road you're either starting on or soon will be is tough, don't let anybody tell you otherwise. And Sasha, I'm sure you already know this, but you're exactly as tough as you need to be. This trip ain't for sissies, and the fact that you've chosen to stick it out to the end speaks volumes. There were so many times I wanted to cut loose and just run like hell and never look back, but I didn't. I couldn't. And it hurts, but I know in my heart I did the right thing. I can live with myself knowing that even though we lost the fight, I didn't abandon the one person in my life that meant the most.

Stay strong. You can do this. Hugs and prayers to you.

Sent by Bruce | 1:10 PM ET | 08-20-2007

Leroy,

Brother! You get to be both the patient and the bystander. I'm so sorry about your loved one's cyst...do you think it was sympathetic? We do that kind of stuff, you know. Like guys whose wives are pregnant and they get morning sickness....

Sent by Diana Kitch | 1:31 PM ET | 08-20-2007

Oh my, Leroy, what a post this morning. I started out being so saddened by your visit to the ER, the news of a mass, your fear of the beast roaring again ... then the relief of it being a cyst ... and back to sadness that you and your loved one had to experience this scare and face surgery.

I've been lucky to never have been a patient - but this caregiver role is a tough one and I'm very sorry that you're having to deal with that on top of your own battle.

I'll keep you and your loved one in my prayers. They worked for us!

www.caringbridge.org/visit/vernwest

Sent by Dianne in Nevada | 1:35 PM ET | 08-20-2007

You scared me out of my wits, Leroy. You should write horror stories. I am very grateful that it is "just a cyst" and hope that your loved one recovers quickly. Whew.

Sent by Alycia Keating | 1:45 PM ET | 08-20-2007

Leroy

It is difficult seeing a loved one going through the pain of uncertainty. In the silver lining category, the situation serves as an opportunity to "step up." We have all read about heroes. I think we all have a little Walter Mitty in us wondering if we would react like a hero if the situation required it.

I believe helping a love one cope with fear while suppressing your own falls into the hero designation.

I certainly do not ever want to overlook the heroes dealing with the treatment of the beast everyday. It is just a different kind of heroism.

I'm pleased to see that you have been successful at both.

Sent by Steve | 2:20 PM ET | 08-20-2007

Leroy - I was crying half way through and then the realization of what you were trying to tell us. Damn this cancer changes how we see things - our innocence is gone. Our attitude changes and then suddenly to have the one we love in our position. Horrible. I can't even think of it. Hang tough and may all the news be acheiveable and doable and may you feel the strength from all of us holding you up.
-Julie

Sent by Julie Pietras | 3:14 PM ET | 08-20-2007

To Bruce and Scarlett,

I just want to thank you, as I thanked the others for your response to my post today. I have no other words...........

Sent by sasha | 4:11 PM ET | 08-20-2007

Thank you everyone for your prayers and support. The cancer is in L5 per MRI.
I see Radiologist this week about brain and back treatment. This is the most incredible blog site thanks to Leroy and all the wonderful caring people who write in. God Bless you all.

Sent by Vicki(FL) | 4:20 PM ET | 08-20-2007

Hello Everyone,

This entry has nothing to do with today's topic but it matters to all of us in "Cancer World" Another one of us has lost his battle yesterday just before his 19th birthday. I did not know this young man, but after reading his story somehow I feel the loss of his life. Please take some time to pray for the family and friends of Miles Levin. Another light has been lost in our community. It underlines how we are all tied together. When one us is hurting, somehow we all feel it in one way or another.

http://www.cnn.com/CNN/Programs/anderson.cooper.360/blog/2007/08/in-memory-of-miles.html

Sent by Randal Gray | 4:44 PM ET | 08-20-2007

Leroy,
You and your loved one are in our prayers. I don't understand why things happen but I guess that's the way it is.
Please stay strong and let your love one know we are praying for them.

Cyn,
I will keep you in my prayers. I know how scared you must be but stay strong and remember we are all with you. I pray you feel the prayers on the 23rd. When you close your eyes know that we are all praying for you.

Vicki,
Please know that you are in my prayers. I know how scared you must be, but I pray that your faith will help you. I pray every night for a cure. I know how much your are going though. Please know that we are there and praying. Be Strong, and have faith.

Sasha,
It makes me SO MAD! What right do people have to tell YOU that YOU'RE not Strong or you don't have COURAGE! Let them walk in your shoes just one day. Even a 1/2 day. You have the strength and the courage. Just because you get scared doesn't mean you don't have courage or strength. If you didn't you wouldn't be able to go with your husband and be there for him. Every hero gets scared. Remember that! Hopefully they will be able to do something for your husband's blood count. There is so much they can do to help with that. Don't give up hope. I will pray for the two of you and your family. I know you are strong. If that person ever says that to you again just show them how strong you are and walk away from them. You don't need that. May God Bless you and your husband.

Niki,
You are a wonderful person to have just lost your loving husband and to be there for others is so wonderful. I hope God Blesses you for being such a kind loving person. I am still praying for you and your family. I too have children and fear for them and myself. I seem to remember that your youngest son just turned 15. My youngest is 13 and I can't image what you must be going through. My God Bless you all!

Sent by Aurella Rocchi | 4:59 PM ET | 08-20-2007

Dear Leroy,
Thoughts & prayers to you and Laurie! Sheara, I wish you a very happy anniversary on Weds, I just got back from my PET scan, here's hoping for some good news for my anniversary! I feel confident & strong, I will face whatever it is. Today is actually 18 months since I was diagnosed, I am thrilled to be here!!!! Life is good, sometimes VERY challenging, but good! I like to think that I am living with cancer, not dying of cancer.

Sent by Martie | 5:46 PM ET | 08-20-2007

I am so sorry for your ordeal. I missed having your blog to help me through my day, but imagined that a chance for a three-day-weekend had come up ??? an invitation to use a friend's beach house or mountain cabin.

I hoe someone offers you just such a chance soon. i have your blog and the community to help me cope; you have the responsibility. Thank you for the time and care that you devote to sharing your news and insights with us

Sent by Earlene | 6:31 PM ET | 08-20-2007

Should we call you the new Dean Koontz? You may have a future there! My prayers to you and your loved one. One damn day at a time!

Sent by Betty O'Connor | 6:38 PM ET | 08-20-2007

For all "Courage is grace under pressure" attributed to some unknown soul who truly knew.

Sent by Pat Zalewski | 7:39 PM ET | 08-20-2007

Cyn Hennard>

You will definitely be in our thoughts. This Thursday, August 23rd, is our 26th Wedding Anniversary; it is also the six month anniversary of my being scheduled for the same surgery you are about to have.

We'll be raising glasses of our ABC (anti-oxidant beverage of choice), that night for us all, and again on the 27th, in honor of your birthday.

Leroy> Our best to you both!

To us all> Continued healing!

Sent by dp | 8:17 PM ET | 08-20-2007

Thanks for your kindness and your prayers Aurella. It always amazes me that people with so much hurt and pain of their own find the strength to reach out to others...I will remember all the kindesses and try to 'pay ahead' whenever I can. This cancer....well, "It takes a Village".

Sent by Cyn Hennard (VT) | 9:13 PM ET | 08-20-2007

Aurella & friends: Thanks for the prayers. 90% of the time, we are doing OK. Burge prepared us through the years to work together and it is paying off.

Had an interesting thing just happen I have to share. I read those articles about angels, etc. with skepticism but tonight I had Burge's cell phone in my hand when I had a "I miss him so bad" attack. As I sat down at the desk in tears and opened his phone, a picture of him I don't remember taking came on. It was from a year ago and he has my favorite look on his face...the one I called his "thinker pose".

Now just try to tell me that wasn't from him, or whomever looks after us from above. I needed to find that picture at just that moment. A like thing happened with a song the night before his funeral and the afternoon I returned to the cementery. Obviously, the connections we are making through this cancer fight are not being broken by death so in the end, the cancer is losing.

I know WE will be OK, I fear that those of you still in the battle need lots of extra prayers. I've said one tonight for all those in need.

Nikki

Sent by Nikki | 10:31 PM ET | 08-20-2007

Leroy:

Some of your readers were unnecessarily confused by your message today. Some were wrought with worry it was you that went to emergency. I think it shows that cancer does mind games with people. Let's not get caught up in the web of games being played out by cancer. Let's just say it the way it is. You had a loved one who went to the emrgency room becase of pain. You were the caretaker. You watched. That was painful because you felt helpless. We are all very vulnerable and we need straight talk, not drama.
Susan P.

Sent by Susan P. | 10:47 PM ET | 08-20-2007

Leroy, Kay, Vicki, and Sash,

You are all in my thoughts and prayers, with lots of positive energy and love being sent your way. Everyone who has been living the cancer experience, as patient, caregiver, or supportive family member or friend, is a very strong, brave person. Being strong means facing your fears, and continuing on in spite of them. The people who aren't strong are the ones who disappear, and unfortunately, those do exist.

Sent by Lilly T. | 10:59 PM ET | 08-20-2007

Dear Friends,
You know, it doesn't really matter what label you put on it, illness is illness, whether it be CANCER or a CYST or a MASS or even a COLD, it all hurts and the fear of the unknown makes everything magnified twenty times more than it normally would be, if we had not been through so many skirmishes on this battlefield we live on. I went to my new doctor on Friday and I was approaching it with anticipation of finally being seen with fresh new eyes in a positive light, and get a whole new start on my journey to deal with the problems that have plagued me since I was first diagnosed with CANCER in February 2006. I tried, I really tried, to be positive and to go into this with hope and a renewed sense of faith in my new caregivers of the medical profession because I have not received this in the past 16 months, but my long
trip to a new facility found me leaving with tears, fears, and a continued sense of despair. As it turns out, my former physician is angry with me because some findings on my scan reports
2 months ago that are very important, were not mentioned to me (like mets to the bone) and he did not forward my complete history as promised, but many inaccurate distortions, and after many
hours of hard work preparing a complete
and accurate medical history, I knew from the first remarks made by the assistant I saw before the doctor came into the room, it was very apparent that I started out on this new phase with a tainted view of my image personally and medically. I wanted so badly to come here and give a good report of my visit, but I am not able to, and I have no idea what to do now.

I come here asking for emotional support
for the absolute horror of feeling lost,
alone and not having a clue which way to turn now. A PET scan was ordered for two months from now, but I have been through so many months of the stresses that have been caused by too much waiting and wondering, two months seems like a lifetime to me now, and if you think about it, in our world two months is a lot longer than it is for someone who has never been touched by this disease. In spite of my efforts to correct the the portrayed of me due to the previous reports, I was again delegated to the wings of horror of waiting...but now I am wondering if I will ever find out what it is I am waiting for, until it is too late. I am a fighter, but I almost feel like throwing in the towel now. This is not an insurance issue, there is no problem there, this is an issue of the view of my character, and I have never felt so attacked, because I believe it is obviously too difficult to admit that an error has been made along the way. I am left to believe that I have been chosen to become one of the statistics you read about in the newspsper, or the tabloids at the supermarket check-out counter. I feel I am worth more than that, and I wish someone would just come out and say why there is an opinion that I am not.

I don't think I have ever been so sad, disappointed, or frightened. Should I be left to feel I have no value because I have a complicated medical history that I am powerless over and had no control in the past? I believe I will survive this, but it dosen't feel very good at all. I sincerely wanted to come here and tell you some very good news, and I apologize for pouring my heart out and complaining again. I thank you for listening, and for your compassionate care.

Love, Briana

Sent by briana | 2:11 AM ET | 08-21-2007

May it be a pesky cyst after all, and may the medical people offer you a plausible explanation on how they could possibly miss a grapefruit-sized mass in the human body! All the very best for a swift and positive outcome for this latest development!
Maris

Sent by Maris | 3:51 AM ET | 08-21-2007

in with the good, out with the bad....let us all remember to breathe, be thankful for the many gifts we are blessed with each and every day....the gifts of friendship, prayer, love....
I feel a little HMO here today...human misery overload....and know that all I can do is keep each of you in my prayers as we venture through the cancer world.

Sent by Karen | 4:04 AM ET | 08-21-2007

Nikki

Two nights ago I was sleeping ever so lightly. There was this single annoying cricket with his repetitive chirping that kept me from deeper sleep. I started thinking how it reminded me of a time when my husband, at the time ??? boyfriend, and I used to park underneath a bridge at the riverside. Those summer nights so full of humidity and fireflies that went on forever ??? we had so much fun then I had to smile. That is where he asked me to take his name. And then I thought oh no, he came back as a bug!

He'll stay around, he knows I still need him.

Sent by Irene | 7:05 AM ET | 08-21-2007

Sasha, Vikki, Cyn and Nikki, You are all in my thoughts. As is your loved one, Leroy. I was hoping you had taken the day off for something fun! I'm glad the ending of the story was that hopefully this is benign. Benign is a lovely word!

Sent by N.R. | 8:36 AM ET | 08-21-2007

Something always happens to make our "beast" seem to take a back seat to someone else's. Who could ask for a better friend to stand by them then the man who has been fighting the beast for so long. Wonderful for you to be there for them.

Sent by Pat Beach | 11:53 AM ET | 08-21-2007

Leroy - I missed reading Monday's post until today, and it left me stunned. I previously left you a note before you had your glue job, because my husband had all of his lumbar, and a few of his thoracic vertebraes "glued", too. I was disappointed to hear about your pain with that procedure, because he practically had none. But your wife's scare really hit home. My husband Paul was diagnosed with multiple myeloma in August of 2003, and then, wouldn't you know it, I was diagnosed with breast cancer just 7 months later, in March of 2004. At the time of my partial mastectomy and radiation, he was still bald (and sick) from high dose chemo. We were truly a pathetic duo. But with the help of our neighbors and friends, we made it through. We learned that whoever was in the best shape on a particular day was "in Charge". It changed on a daily basis for months. But somehow God was always able to let somebody be "in charge", whether it was me or my husband. Before us, I had never known a couple (he in his 50's, me in my 40's) who both had cancer. Now, thank God that your wife has just a cyst. But I guarantee you that no matter what happens, someone who is in charge of us all would make sure that one of you would be well enough to be "in charge" for the day. Best wishes to you AND your lovely wife! Make sure to give her my best. Jan

Sent by Jeanette Carney | 12:02 AM ET | 08-22-2007

As always my thoughts are with you and also with your loved one that had to go through this scary ordeal. My mom was the first one to go through the diagnosing of breast cancer in 2000. I was her main support and sat with her through her surgery, treatments, and doctor's appointments. Just a mere two years later we flipped roles. She was the one sitting in the chair and I was the one receiving treatments, surgery, and being inspected at the doctor's appointments. What an odd twist of fate that it would switch so suddenly...

Again, you and yours are in my thoughts.

Sent by Chanda | 7:09 AM ET | 08-22-2007