Mornin'. Leroy you have such a clever, cute, way of telling us things. For instance this morning I found out what I have been wondering - "How is your back doing since the gluing"
Well, you answered that nicely by saying that you had to open the Garage door manually, but you assured your doctors that you did it very carefully.
How wonderful that you could even do that after what you have been through! We are well aware of how these backs can be.
This day will get better, I am sure. My goodness, how great that you are condition to even B---h about your appliances being so inconsiderate!
You are really something!

Sent by J C Rakowski | 8:01 AM ET | 08-22-2007

Hi Leroy and all,

Your garage door and computer virus ??? my laptop???s refusal to access my e-mail since it was automatically updated and my visiting 3 year-old grandson???s insistence on running the toy fire engine???s siren nearly continuously unless actively distracted or dissuaded ??? some blessings though great are not entirely unmixed. Life does indeed go on, which, in our cases is a blessing in itself.

Thanks, Leroy for reminding us yesterday that while we learn from cancer, the most important things we learn are from each other. Two days ago, they day before I read that blog, I was powerfully reminded of this. My wife and I visited member of our church in hospice who is in her high 80s. She has elected to receive no further treatment for her cancer. Her husband, beloved by her and the church as well died two weeks ago. All she really wants to do is join him.

And yet???

She cheers everyone who visits.

She is reading the Galleys of a book of poetry she has been working on for the last 25 years or so. And she???s also reading (or being read ??? I???m not sure ??? The galleys of a book of stories one of her nephews has written. She is living her life fully to the end ??? and beyond in the sense that she will be powerfully remembered and loved by her family, friends and fellow church members for years to come ??? as will her husband of 58 years. She???s teaching quite a few of us until the end of this phase of her existence. Her dying as well as her life fully affirms the power of life and love. Even as she looks forward to the next phase, she is a living source of meaning, community, hope, blessing and the possibility of action despite increasing weakness to those privileged to be a part of this phase of the journey.

I think I may have mentioned that I was strongly influenced at a recent conference by the idea that a consciousness of the end of life can powerfully influence how we form the ends of our lives. This is something that cancer survivors and others with serious diagnose can help teach the vast majority of those who live in denial of the mortality that we have to learn to live with every hour ??? and that we share with all of the.

This lady and her husband helped teach me, through the way they live ??? even to their last days, that the ends to which we devote our lives can have a profound influence on the end of those lives as we now live them.

We continue to live our own lives all too conscious of our mortality. What is it teaching us? What can we share with each other and with those who are lucky enough not be confronted with it quite so uncompromisingly and too often brutally?

Thanks again, Leroy and friends for reminding us how much we can learn from and teach one another and others.

Vaya con Dios

John Shippee
Atlanta, Georgia

Sent by John Shippee | 8:03 AM ET | 08-22-2007

Leroy, I couldn't agree more! My SO has colon cancer that has metastisized, so after 4 years of only dealing with check-ups and occasional worries, he now has daily concerns and many more medical procedures. We now have to get the winter wood into the cellar and he is finding this more difficult that he expected. It would be nice if this wood knew enough to simply transport itself to the cellar but as you say, life goes on and this too will get done.

Sent by Lynda Haskell | 8:23 AM ET | 08-22-2007

I think all people that purposely do evil things should at least experience a never ending case of foot fungus.

Is that wrong?

Good post Leroy...had me laughing!

xo

Lori

Sent by Lori Levin | 8:23 AM ET | 08-22-2007

As people have discussed "why me" on this blog I have always taken a pass on that thinking, "why not me." However, recently my wonderful job, which has sustained and challenged me through all of my cancer and given me that reason to be back at work in two weeks after surgery has totally fallen apart. The open, collaborative department has changed into a closed system with locked doors. Personally, this is the
first time I have felt "this isn't fair." Cancer sucks and I've taken that but this is too much.

Life goes on and I will cope but I agree we should get an occasional pass.

Sent by Dona | 8:39 AM ET | 08-22-2007

Yes, you do have to do something about your cancer every day--you have to write about it. I got amused and proud of you for not taking the easy way and writing about a computer virus. Life does go on and you certainly do get to whine sometimes but even on this painful day, you didn't break down, didja notice?

Sent by Ann | 8:41 AM ET | 08-22-2007

HI Leroy, I had to smile at your post today, it reminded me so much of my Dad. One day I heard him muttering to the screen door that had come off the track "What the h*ll, don't you know I have cancer!" Although all those little things he could handle made him still feel alive.

Thanks, and I hope today is a better day all around.
Susan

Sent by Susan | 8:43 AM ET | 08-22-2007

Dear Leroy, You made me laugh today and I really needed that as I am a little nervous meeting with Radiologist today about treatment plan for radiating my brain. Hope I can still think and write after:) You are right the appliances shouldn't break down when we are going through this - we certainly don't need the added expense. I had to buy a new stove but since I enjoy cooking so much I thought it would be a worthwhile investment since I also didn't want to house to burn down. And so it goes! Thanks so much for the smile and giggle today.

Sent by Vicki (FL) | 8:46 AM ET | 08-22-2007

Leroy,

I am a long time reader but a first time commenter.

When my mother learned she had cancer at 77 years old, I was sure there should be some kind of age limit on cancer - much like you describe about "real life". Wasn't it bad enough she had all the afflictions that go with living in an aging body - cataracts, bad hearing, arthritis, etc but no, add to that chemo, radiation, and all that goes with cancer. It just didn't seem fair. But no one said it would be fair.

A while ago you posted a picture of yourself and wrote about how innocent you were then, before the cancer. I read the post although I didn't comment at the time I have thought of it often since. I took a picture of my mother 3 days before she died. I have stared into her face in that picture so often since trying to read her thoughts and feelings. I don't see innocence as you wrote about but it made me think of my own innocence at the time I took the picture. I had no idea of what was to come in the next few days and then after she was gone. I had no idea it would be the last picture of my mother. On her face, I think I see resignation, acceptance, some amusement, affection for and indulgence of the photographer. Not innocence. But in the eye of the photographer, yes, so much innocence.

Sent by Jeanne | 8:59 AM ET | 08-22-2007

I can feel that I am at the start of one of those days. I finally had almost a full night???s sleep, insomnia being my newest friend, but that hasn???t seemed to help much. I have a series of aches and pains, which the grey weather doesn???t seem to help. There is just a feeling of impending??? well not Doom, perhaps just impending discomfort. I really don???t want to dwell on things; I know it will only make it worse. I am just glad that days like this don???t have to happen all the time. Can I have the weekend now?

Sent by Brit | 8:59 AM ET | 08-22-2007

I can totally relate Leroy.
I live alone and so I do all that needs
to be done myself. I dont have anyone else to pay the bills or wash the dishes or clean the apartment, empty the litter box.
I sometimes wondered if i could handle it all. I got jealous of the people I would talk to online at a chat room, who have a partner or family living with them who takes care of those things. Then i realize that this is my path, this is what i'm supposed to be doing right now. I like my independence. Somedays however, are days that are definitely pains.

Sent by Jenn | 9:01 AM ET | 08-22-2007

What a coincidence, your blog today!! More of life's little tests. I am also in the middle of 3 small projects - replace a shower head, replace the innards of my gas grill and replace a mailbox. Sounds easy, huh! Each time undertake a project, my pal Murphy (invented Murphy's law)not only accompanies me but implements his law just to remind me who is in control.

Off to Home Depot we go to get a new shower head. As we discuss with the service person at HD how to proceed, he says "I have seventy year old ladies who do this. It's easy". Now I am really intimidated. As we left, I said "I'll be back I'm sure".

Took the old shower head off, easy so far, but wait!! The new head won't fit on the exisitng stem that protrudes from the wall. As I predicted, back to HD I go with old shower head to see what other parts I now need. The service rep now says that the old stem must be replaced in order for the new head to fit. And so it goes...... Want to bet how well the other two "simple" projects go?

Murphy seems to be oblivious to the everyday stress of the cancerworld. So things break, fixing takes twice as long and costs twice as much, skinned knuckles, iodine and bandaids are a part of the required tools for any project and sometimes a second opinion is required when things don't go well, a plumber perhaps.

I appreciate your frustration, Leroy. I ask myself, "what's the worst that can happen"? I can always get someone who knows what they are doing to come in and fix my project problems. If it were only that easy in the cancerworld!

Blessings and prayers.

Sent by Al Cato | 9:04 AM ET | 08-22-2007

Dear Leroy,
There are so many obstacles we have to overcome in this new world we live in. But I find that the little things that happened before cancer have become much more prominent. Life is has become more difficult for me now because in the pain and the struggle we all eventually change. In my case, it did not change for the better. I read people's posts about how cancer changed their lives for the better, and how they have learned and gained knowledge of things that has brought them to a more peaceful place. I have yet to reach that place, but I do admire these courageous people. I hope that by continuing to read your blog I will get to that place someday.

I am sorry you are having a bad day Leroy. Maybe things will get better as the day progresses. I agree with you, we should get a "pass" on all this nonsensical stuff, but unfortunately we don't. I can remember getting a virus on my computer a couple of years ago and I thought it was "The end of the world" Looking back in retrospect, how silly. It was nothing that a few hours and a few dollars could not rectify. I wish it were that simple now!

Anyway, try and have a good day Leroy. And again, my best wishes for the health of your loved one.

Always in my prayers..................sasha

Sent by sasha | 9:13 AM ET | 08-22-2007

Hi Leroy and all,

It's funny about those kind of days. I used to get all upset and dramatic about days when all the little stuff went wrong. Last week when it happened the frustration and anger kept popping up, and I had to keep reminding myself how minor each thing was. But all together they didn't feel very minor. The annoyances didn't feel at all like cancer, but they sure tried gang up on me and wreck my day. It didn't work.

Gratefully on most days now I'm beyond giving in to the small stuff. I knew what to do. I went to a fun movie (Hairspray) with my nieces, ate popcorn and raisonettes and laughed all the frustration away.

If only I could laugh the cancer away.

Sent by Laurel M. Jones | 9:24 AM ET | 08-22-2007

I'm with you, Leroy. Just a day off once in a while....a calm quiet day without garage doors or in my case brakes going out in my vehicle, my printer dying at the most unopportune time and on and on and on...thank you for keeping us on the lighter side.

Sent by Kay | 9:34 AM ET | 08-22-2007

Amen, Leroy! When our water heater burst and the air conditioner went out I felt exactly the same as you. Not fair! We're dealing with enough here God! But, in reality, I do know that God has nothing to do with the malfunctioning water heater and AC ... or the cancer. It just felt like too much was piling on. Why me? Isn't it enough my husband is stuck in a hospital bed, unable to walk or help me deal with these day-to-day issues? I forget to start his car up and the battery dies - again and again. Why can't I remember to do that on a regular schedule?

I guess there are lessons to be learned all along the way when these ordinary things go wrong. "Life" does go on - regardless of whether the beast has entered your lives. I'm stronger now and I've learned that I can do a whole lot more than I ever thought I could. And having to spend that night in the hotel room allowed me to get my husband into a handicapped shower - a real treat for him after having bed baths for so many months. And we ate in the hotel's restaurant - another first in a very long time. I learned I could push a wheelchair and lug a suitcase at the same time. Who knew?

So I'm trying to see the little positives that come out of all of the negative situations. Trust me - some days it's a lot easier than others. But now that my husband is in remission and is starting to walk again - that's a real positive that may not have happened without the start of that forced night in the hotel.

www.caringbridge.org/visit/vernwest

Sent by Dianne in NV | 9:35 AM ET | 08-22-2007

Well Leroy, you seem to have happened on my idea behind my proposal for a federal law. I've discussed this in the bco.org chat room, and everyone seems to think that it's a good idea. Here goes:
No one who has cancer should ever become ill with anything else. Ever. Not a cold, not the flu, not heart disease, no dengue fever...nothing. Cancer is enough. Anyone want to second the motion?

Sent by Nancy K. Clark | 9:40 AM ET | 08-22-2007

Leroy, it's Murphy with Cancer -- what can go wrong will, at the worst possible time. The freezer isn't freezing anymore, the dog ate half a dead rabbit, the ostomy bag slipped and got red stuff all over the rug, DMV has lost my registration renewal. . . it's laugh or cry or both. Life does wobble along. Take care and don't lift anymore garage doors.

Sent by Kate Murphy | 9:47 AM ET | 08-22-2007

You just have to laugh. Especially Al Cato's project reminded me of a home handyman's truism: any plumbing project requiring less than three store visits is a large moral victory. Recalling my earlier years - such a project on a Sunday afternoon with a wife, two daughters, and only one bathroom, now that was pressure. Got it done. With cancer and multiple bathrooms, some fixes must wait for a day with better energy, or be done by someone else, as all one has is energy enough to wait in the ten hour window.

When you have cancer AND complete a project, there is great satisfaction. But don't try it when you're low on energy - no need to hit your thumb with a hammer when you should really be taking a nap.

Do what you can, and maintain a sense of humor and perspective...this community is good for that.

Sent by Jack Burrington | 9:59 AM ET | 08-22-2007

Dear Leroy, A note to remind you that those of us who have had cancer walk your daily journey with you.
Jane

Sent by Jane | 10:02 AM ET | 08-22-2007

Hi Leroy,

Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the water. I know the feeling. My sister pulls "stuff" just as I am returning to campus and my busiest time of the academic year.

Keep on plugging.....

Sent by Sue Chap | 10:03 AM ET | 08-22-2007

Dear Leroy,
Back from the mountains and catching up on your posts....I missed them while I was away! Please give Laurie my love and tell her that she will be in my thoughts every day.
Isn't it amazing how all those daily aggravations can really "rot your socks!" We just brought a dog into our home and it's been an adjustment for us (a few accidents on the carpet, chasing our cat,etc.) and sometimes a bit stressful but she has given us some really humorous moments. Laughter is such great medicine! Thanks for your post today.
Wishing you peace and love. Jude

Sent by Judith Tynan | 10:09 AM ET | 08-22-2007

You made me laugh. Did you know that if you file your taxes late in a year when you've had cancer all you need to do is let the IRS know and they're OK with it (A friend of mine told me this, haven't personally tried it). So there are some places where you do get a cancer "pass". Unfortunately houses and computers aren't quite as kind and caring as the IRS. The whole time I was being treated for oral cancer, my husband spent as much time in the basement trying to figure out how to keep water leaking in during the rather heavy rains we had that year as he did caring for me!

Sent by NR | 10:13 AM ET | 08-22-2007

Leroy: Burge and I were sort of lucky when we doctored far from home. When we were in Denver, we were "unable" to do anything about the everyday things and left bunches of them until "later". Now later is here, Burge is not, and many of those things are left up to me and the boys.

My problem is, I actually feel guilty taking care of some of them now. For instance, new carpet. We have needed it for more than twenty years...God Bless 100% wool which has lasted more than way too long...but when my Mom & Dad lived here, no one played in the front room, only company was allowed. I feel like we should have changed when Burge "could have enjoyed it". Same with painting, replacing the old couch, the 30 year old stereo speakers he bought in college which rattle and ruin our self styled surround sound, and other "enjoyable" things.

My oldest tells me it's OK to fix things up because his Dad and I talked about doing it even before the cancer but kept putting it off "until we got a good wheat crop". Well, this year, we had the first good crop in seven years, so I guess I'm just following though on our joint plans. We did discuss the colors, even the material of the couch, so he was actually a part of the program, but, Oh, it would be so nice to be able to show him how it all looks once it's in.

Also, yesterday when I wondered how Burge's picture got on the cell phone...my youngest had programmed it to be the screen saver..but no matter how it happened, it came on at a time I really needed it, so it was still an unplanned blessing.

Nikki

Sent by Nikki | 10:14 AM ET | 08-22-2007

Big smile. Huge smile! Actually it's all the little glitches which help us remember we are alive, isn't it? As Gilda Radner said in her book about ovarian cancer, "It's always something!" Thanks for a fabulous message.

Wendy

Sent by Wendy | 10:22 AM ET | 08-22-2007

Thank you for these past three days' entries, Leroy. My care attends you and your loved one. And I love your view of a universe where you either deal with cancer or with daily challenges but not both at the same time. As for your garage door, I'm wondering if the universe is saying you all just need a day at home today? Reframing the irritation as a possible dialog is at least an amusing shift of perspective. And in light of some of the 9/11 and other stories of folks who were irritated to be detained and derailed from their usual schedule, it seems not entirely unreasonable to reframe the stuck door as a caring message. You'll probably roll your eyes at this, which is fine. Another 350 degree shift of focus! Wishing you and yours a day of greater ease from this point forward, and of healing on every level, and of moments that dazzle you into sudden gratitude.

Sent by Sarah | 10:29 AM ET | 08-22-2007

Your humor is great Leroy! Seriously though, promise us, no more lifting, heavy or not.

Sent by Ruth White | 10:35 AM ET | 08-22-2007

I found everyday annoying things to be a blessing as they took my mind off cancer. I remember having a really bad row with my then fiance (now husband) and just being greatful that he would have an ordinary row with me.

Of course things go wrong. I was supposed to have my first scan today after THE surgery to remove my oesophagus but the machine broke down so now it is scheduled for next Tuesday.

Wishing you all the best,

Aoife

Sent by Aoife Mc Gibney | 10:41 AM ET | 08-22-2007

Dear Leroy,

I wrote once before a while back, giving you the name of a doctor who's alternative therapy seems to have had a good measure of success (he practices here in the US). Perhaps it was one of many, many emails of the same sort.
Reading your entry today, though, I just had to write, again. This time for a different reason. Today's blog made me feel that if I could reach out and be by your side what I would do is put my arms around you and give you a very big ... very gentle hug.
I've felt touched all along, but even moreso today, by your courage, your humor and your creativity as you go through your days and share with us, your thoughts. I, personally, am not dealing with a serious illness at the moment. I turned 50 last December and somehow, my perspective on life feels very different. I know with so much more clarity now that life can change dramatically from one day to the next. We never know and I imagine many of us walk around with just a little bit of worry. I know I do.
You are now living that experience. You are on the other side . Living with the change.
Today, I just had to tell you how much I appreciate all that you share with us and the style in which you share it.
You are an inspiration, Leroy. Somehow, having you in my life, through your words, makes me feel just a little bit stronger.

Sending you that big hug,
Susan

Sent by Susan | 10:50 AM ET | 08-22-2007

Leroy,
Absolutely your garage door did that on purpose! Just like right after we moved to a new house the septic pump died, the pool sprung a leak and we had a microburst that downed nine beautiful trees destroying our garage and my car. I guess you didn't know about the conspiracy of "things" and Mother Nature to aggravate us folks with cancer.................(Oh, and your computer grabbed that virus on purpose!)

Sent by Lyn Banghart | 10:54 AM ET | 08-22-2007

Hi Leroy,
Yes, I get on my high horse every once and a while, thinking that I'm entitled not to have any of this stuff happen. Still, it does, and it's small potatoes in comparison to the other things we face. Cancer sure does have this odd way of putting things in perspective.

Take good care,

Betsey

Sent by betsey kuzia | 10:58 AM ET | 08-22-2007

Leroy,

You cracked me up this am. However, there is underlying seriousness here. When we are dealing with major stress (cancer), all other stress hits us harder because our reserves are mostly used up by the big stress.

If cancer patients are cranky, unreasonable, short-tempered, thoughtless and not able to give very much (especially if they once were otherwise), those of us around them need to cut some slack.

Disease affects every aspect of our lives and the lives of our loved ones. If a patient just does not have the reserves to be resilient, it may help to get counseling.

Sent by Diana Kitch | 11:17 AM ET | 08-22-2007

Good Morning Leroy,
Great post today. My friend that has colon cancer would totally agree with you....like the days the dog accidentally pees on the carpet, the toaster breaks down on the morning you want toast or the handle breaks on the commode right after your chemo treatment. A-a-a-a-ah Leroy, that is what lets us know we are still alive and dealing with whatever the world brings our way. Hope you have a great day...Hugs...;)

Sent by Teresa in WV | 11:21 AM ET | 08-22-2007

Dear Leroy,

How do you always know what's running through my head? Has cancer made you psychic?

Hot flashes. I could really, really do without hot flashes. I've taken to carrying a hand fan with me. It mortifies my children, which is reason enough to do it, but it also helps me pretend that I'm not having a hot flash. It sort of transports me back in time to when we had church in my grandmother's living room in Terrell, Texas, no air-conditioning. That big, old front room, with 20-foot ceilings, packed with people. Hotter 'n hell. The local mortuary was kind enough to provide hand fans, circular cardboard fans emblazoned with their name. I lived through that. Guess I can live through hot flashes!

All my best,
Mo Spikes

Sent by Mo Spikes | 11:49 AM ET | 08-22-2007

Good morning Leroy.
I don't know why I feel the need to write here, but for some reason, I do. I've posted on your comments a couple of times before about my son, Spencer. He was 15 years old, diagnosed with Synovial Sarcoma that metastasized to his lungs.
Last Monday, we lost Spencer. I know now what you mean when you say you don't like how people say someone "lost" the battle with cancer. Spencer didn't lose his battle...he finished his race, on his terms, his way.
Spencer didn't have a choice about the cancer, but how he chose to live with it, he made all the decisions of how it was going to affect his life. To the very last day of his life, he showed us all that cancer did not define him and this disease had to take it on his terms.
I hope to live my life with the same determination, grit and grace as my son.

Rhonda

www.spencerswebpage.com

Sent by Rhonda | 11:52 AM ET | 08-22-2007

I would like to add to your entry today - what about insurances & bills. Is it not
enough people deal w/this disease, that they should NOT be harrassed by claims &
collectors. When my son was DX'd, my deal
was to take care of the paperwork/bills, etc. He has been extremely fortunate because his company carried him for 1 yr
(& thankfully his treatment was so wonderful he is now in his 5th week back
at work); but it is starting all over &
MetLife Disability has been HORRID. Just to name the worst.

There should be a law. If you get cancer, you should only have to jump through several hoops, not a continual string of them.

Sent by Joan P | 12:01 PM ET | 08-22-2007

Leroy,
I like to pay for someone to fix those things for me. I'm no good at doing it myself and I don't have someone to jump in and take care of it. Amazingly though, I feel that I accomplish alot watching the repair person work. I highly recommend it!

Sent by Bonnie | 12:19 PM ET | 08-22-2007

Thanks for a laugh this morning. The other day at the DMV I was thinking about what you said on the show about how people with cancer should have their own lane. My husband and I sat there and laughed about that idea again. I was thinking there should be a separate line for us at the DMV too.

Yesterday I was visiting a favorite sandwich shop, and the cashier commented on my cute hat. She went into a thing about how she looked bad in hats, blah, blah, blah. I finally said that I had gotten used to them. Then she said, "I figure you gotta look on the bright side. At least you're here to wear the hat." I agreed and added that losing my hair had ended up being the least of it in the end. Not that I don't agree with her, but I wonder what she would think and feel if she was on my side of the counter.

The blog from yesterday was wonderful. I enjoyed so many of the things people said. I tried to write something, but I'm having trouble processing all that is in bubbling up inside me right now. So, I just held all of you in my heart like I always do, and went on with my day.
Thanks for being there.

Sent by Scarlett | 12:27 PM ET | 08-22-2007

Yes! sometimes I think this all happens on purpose. The Garage door that is. I have been having one of those days since 1998. Im not kidding. Of course there has been good days in there, but I have had a run that I am sick and tired of and am ready for good things. First off I am not in any way trying to oneup you. I dont have Cancer and for that I am gratefull. Since 98 I have lost my wife of 25 years to cancer though, I lost my baby girl in a car accident, I have been through 2 corporate buyouts, have had 3 surgeries on my spine the most recent was a 4 hour fun surgery last month. I have though remarried, but with that came moving out of my house and in with my new wife. Which was the only way to do it. It feels like I am making all the sacrifices no one else. However my Wife and daughter made the ultimate sacrifice.On the good side to all of this my remaining daughter is getting married next month. Finially we will be getting people together for a good reason and not a funeral. All of my shit aside, Leroy you are going through more than I have and I wish you the very best. You have a great attitude, dont loose it. Life throws us pits but its up to us to find the cherries. Good luck to ya Bud and get your door fixed.
Dan

Sent by Dan Friend | 12:31 PM ET | 08-22-2007

*remembers to count 'working appliances' among her many blessings*

...although I must say that when I consider all the times your topic du jour is happening in our lives concurrently, today's post has me a tad nervous... *knocks on wood*

Nancy K Clark> I'm sure that by the time I'm commenting, I'll be in line to second your motion. *aye*

NR> Thanks for the tip about the IRS! We'll be checking this afternoon. Anyone else have experience with this??

...and, thanks again, Leroy, for making us smile!

-dp

Sent by dp | 12:31 PM ET | 08-22-2007

If it's not one thing it's a hundred others. But those "other things"(like the sprnkler head breaking and flooding the yard at 5AM, the lawn needs mowed and the mower is out of gas or the latest homework crisis) are what motivates me to keep plugging along. So normal, so annoying yet something else to "worry" about other then every little headache, pain and twinge. For those moments, cancer is pushed as far away as possible. And that is a GOOD thing! My very best to you.

Sent by Jenene K | 12:32 PM ET | 08-22-2007

Leroy,
Thanks for sharing...again. We always think these things only happen to us but you are such a reminder that we are all in it together. Today is a bad day for my husband who just finished 20 days of brain radiation last week. Yesterday was a good day so today we pay the piper. I hope and pray nothing squeaks, leaks or needs tweaking today because the cancer pass did not come in the mail again today!! I know you are in an anxious time right now so for you both I say prayers as well as for everyone else.

Kathie

Sent by kathie | 12:35 PM ET | 08-22-2007

I had a real gut laugh there for a second. Thanks I needed that.
I took my son back to college on the weekend.He is all excited about going back.
We get in his apartment no LIGHTS!! I am looking outside as the sky is turning black. Sure as heck it starts storming with three cars filled to the brim with his life's belongings.
So we waited around and finally got things moved in..But they did not have lights till today. The Apt managers put the wrong street address on the forms of
Electric Company...Now if you live on a one way street..the front of the house is always the Address. Nope they gave the back of the house. So the kinks of life some times are frustrating.
Then we decided to get a motel room and regroup after helping. What happens...Some employee..forgot to put the floor mat in front of the entry door. So I came in after all the rain took a good fall inside the door..
Now I was thinking to. What the heck enough is enough!!
I just had to laugh as I iced my knees.
Life just keeps on coming at us...thank God for that.
Thanks for the good old gut laugh. I needed that.:)

Sent by Kerry | 12:35 PM ET | 08-22-2007

even though i am finished with treatments and am in "surveilence" mode, there are still days when the little things add up and i find myself wondering where my "get out of jail free" card is. devoid of the energy to get it all done, i don't have time to fit it in.

i'm lucky. i can call my parents and ask for dinner, head over to play with the dog, and relax as dinner is made. i can sit and eat and not worry about dishes. we can watch tv and laugh.

there are those days when i just need to reach out and ask for a hand. as much as i was the patient, they were the caretakers, we all still really need one another - me happy for the break and them happy to be helping.

not quite the "free pass" that would be SO great, but a reliable, tangible, wonderful option nonetheless. a hand in coping with the noise that fills life - cancer or not.

Sent by ejd | 12:54 PM ET | 08-22-2007

Good Afternoon Leroy and All,

Leroy, your post today really made me chuckle! It reminded me so much of many home repair projects that my husband Tom and I have engaged in. Murphy from Al Cato's post was right there with us too.

Leroy, I will happily babysit your rain until you get your roof fixed. We are in our third week of 90 degree plus temperatures and only a trace of rain in August. And there is no break in this heat wave in sight. It has been a brutal month in North Carolina this August. Hense, I am taking my "Brittney Spears" hairstyle public. It is far too hot to wear a wig. Some members of our bowling league have been rubbing my head for luck! Yes, life goes on!!

Patsey from Charlotte, if you would like to contact me to discuss experiences. My E-mail address is:
thomasepruyne@bellsouth.net Anyone else on the blog who would like to communicate with me are also welcome to use the E-mail address.

In the mean time its off to deal with the clothes dryer, whose door handle comes off in my hand. And a trip to the grocery store where my husband teases the cashier and she tells me to take him home and tie him to a tree!

Love and Laughter to all!! God Bless!

Eileen Pruyne
Charlotte

Sent by Eileen Pruyne | 12:59 PM ET | 08-22-2007

I couldn't agree more about the inanimate some how knowing that now is the most incovient time to break down. The day I got home from the hospital the master bath was severly clogged, requiring a new tool ( which is the kind of repair I generally look forward to any chance for a new tool) to open then,the task lighting in the kitchen quit working and due to a lack of stamina and trouble with problem solvingI could not repair it even replacing it with a kit from one of the home centers was more than I was up to.

Sent by Brett Meacham | 1:00 PM ET | 08-22-2007

Hi Leroy & everyone,
Great post. I bet that was no easy task opening the garage door. Jeeez, you amaze me.

Anyway, Jenn I can relate to what you said. I, too, live alone and I just wish those dang cats would clean their own litter box - lol! And why can't the dog walk himself or at least use the toilet and P.S. flushing would be a bonus :D.

Seriously, when I drive to my chemo appts. I always worry about my car breaking down. And, I think, nah that would not happen to a cancer patient b/c that would be a bit unfair. But, who the ham ever said life was fair?! My car hasn't broken down yet; I guess someone is looking out for me.....

Even though my car hasn't broken down, my body and mind sure has. Guess some or most of you can relate to that one.

Sent by lisa | 1:10 PM ET | 08-22-2007

You hit the nail on the head! Life goes on and we are expected to LIVE it. That is a good thing. Somtimes we need things to keep us busy, but we can only hope they are constructive things that just happen and not PC virus that someone gets a little chuckle from.

Great post

Sent by Brian Dowd - NJ | 1:13 PM ET | 08-22-2007

Leroy,
I loved your post. When I was in having my first surgery for stage 4 colon cancer. Our 3 year old Honda Odessy engine broke down. 1000 miles or less after warrenty gave out.It was the only car that fit all three kids and to fix it it would be 3,000 .I am a big fighter for my rights and bought this brand just so I wouldnt have to deal with breakdowns .I would have hounded the dealer but was in the hospital and couldnt. My husband isnt a fighter and just gave up.I was stewing in the hosptial thinking if only I could picket the dealer. The next day I get a call from the kids ortho (mind you we have no dental plan) dont worry about the 3,000 bill for your daughters braces we have written it off you have enough to worry about with your cancer.
I felt God sent me a sign He would take care of us.I may not know the plan he had in store for me but I had to believe things would work out.
So far so good.

Sent by anita | 2:04 PM ET | 08-22-2007

That's one way I get through things. Remembering it can always be worse. I'm thankful for the long list of things in my life that aren't broken.

Sent by Scott Fertig | 2:25 PM ET | 08-22-2007

The little annoyances of everyday problems that remind us that life does go on. Even as we are in the midst of chemo and treatment and procedures and pain garage doors break, roofs leak, and the unimaginable happens. In the midst of it all you confront it head on and then have the clarity and wit to make your experience something we will all enjoy. Thank you for your thoughts today and the reminder of "not all things cancer." Hoping your day ends better than it started.

Sent by Suzanne Lindley | 2:29 PM ET | 08-22-2007

I know we have all had days like that.May the cancer have more bad days than we do! God bless

Sent by David White | 2:34 PM ET | 08-22-2007

Good afternoon Leroy

I have some annoying friends who think we call bad and good things down upon us, subconsciously somehow (This illusion generally doesn't persist past one's 30s, when physical life starts to go wonky all by itself). They might have said that your negative karma is pulling these triflingly bad events out of the cosmos. These same people think I got cancer because I secretly wanted it. Auuughhh. They're really wrong. To wit: I have known cancer patients who were quite spiritual and happy, content, serene and they had a recurrence. Some of the nastier, negative people whom you might think would be toying with Providence, have minimally invasive procedures and never see the Beast again. It wasn't the cancer that got to me, either. It was the stuff that happened peripherally. We don't trip over elephants: we trip over shoelaces. And pray do tell me sir, just what are you doing in your car so soon after spinal surgery?

Sent by Alycia Keating | 2:41 PM ET | 08-22-2007

Technology is wonderful when it all works. Today, keeping the computer healthy takes time. Any illness, big or small, any hiccup in one's personal life makes the day-to-day complicated, particularly in our techologically-driven society. The door and computer will be fixed. In the big picture, these are small potatoes.

Sent by Rochelle | 3:40 PM ET | 08-22-2007

Leroy--you cracked me up this morning. Just to add: I just finished up my first round of treatment about 2 weeks ago...on Monday, my hot water heater decided to "rust out of the bottom" and continued to flow under my brand-new hardwood laminate. It's RUINED!!!

Got some good news from my oncologist today, though! The results from my last whole body scan revealed no additional "new" tumors. I just have two right now to deal with and hopefully the treatment is working!

Thanks for the laugh this morning...I needed it! With love

Sent by Tess from KY | 4:35 PM ET | 08-22-2007

Rhonda,
I was so very sorry to read of the loss of your dear son Spencer. None of us know why children have to die, and to suffer with cancer, but I know that he was blessed to have caring parents, as you were to have him while you did.

Sent by Nancy K. Clark | 5:25 PM ET | 08-22-2007

Leroy,

You made me chuckle at a couple of things that I would love to share with you. When I was so beat down and it was well over 100 degrees outside, our a/c quit. The guy I called came over and plugged up part of the drain system for the unit in the attic and when it started leaking through the ceiling he tried to sell me a new unit instead of fixing the one we had. I found the problem, called the company and notified them I had sent the offending part to the police department for forensic analysis and they better tell the tech to get out of town. I had fun with it.

Months later I had surgery on my stomach and the water heater we have in the garage in Texas broke; the bottom perforated and water flooded the garage. We had to move everything out, clean up all the water and move it back...shortly after emptying an entire storage room in preparation of the big garage sale event we were planning. Unfortunately, I had to "supervise" as I couldn't stand well or lift anything. By the way, this was 2-3 years ago and we are getting closer each day to the garage sale!

Take care, you are a joy to know.

Ed

Sent by Ed Brown | 6:13 PM ET | 08-22-2007

Hello All,
Just back from the doctor, got the results of the PET scan. Not the anniversary gift I had hoped for, the cancer has spread once again. Now it is also in my abdomen (original diagnosis is unknown primary w/mets to pelvis & liver). There is also lymphnode involvement. I am sad & scared, my heart is breaking for my husband & my daughter. The latest prognosis is 6 mos to 24 mos. I am getting on a new clinical trial, so I am hopeful that I can buy some extra time. The hardest part of today is celebrating my 15th anniversary, 15 years ago I felt so confident that I would be one of those couples to make it to my 50th anniversary, I was only 26, it was not out of the realm of possiblilty that I would live to 76, now I am praying for at least another 5 years! Today I am sad, but my tears will dry and I'll carry on. I don't intend on giving up, I plan to go about the business of living and loving!
Peace & Love,
Martie

Sent by Martie | 6:38 PM ET | 08-22-2007

It's hard for me to remember to tend to everyday problems these days. I find myself zoning out and feeling shell shocked. I'm twenty five years old and have thirty nodules in my lungs, some of them large. They spread from a recurrent giant cell tumor I had removed twice from my tibia, near my ankle. My biopsy showed that the tumors are still benign, kind of. They're benign but acting malignant. So what, it's like cancer lite?

It's terrifying having a rare disease that no one knows how to treat. They want to try chemotherapy, but aren't sure if it will work or even what kind of chemotherapy drugs to use. We'll have to try one drug at a time. I can now add guinea pig to my resume! I like to make jokes, but I wish I had more answers, and I wish I knew where the line was between benign and malignant. I wish my line were more clearly defined. Maybe in the end, it doesn't really matter. This can kill me.

Thanks for writing about your experiences. I never really looked for support from other people who have cancer because mine wasn't or maybe isn't cancer. I felt like, since I wasn't a member of the cancer club, I had no room to complain. I still try not to complain, but I think I'm more willing to ask for help without feeling like I need apologize now. Reading your blog helps. Thanks.

Sent by Heather K. | 7:37 PM ET | 08-22-2007

Dear Rhonda,
So sorry for the loss of your son. You are a courageous woman to be able to continue on this Blog. What a lovely tribute you gave Spencer! I hope you can find some peace. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Sent by Elaine | 8:01 PM ET | 08-22-2007

Hi Leroy,

Thanks for the smiles. I'm having a hard day, would definitely like a universal "pass" on all extra difficulties and problems. Seems like the warranty on my body is up! (and I'm only ?:)! 46 years old.) Just like a house, and it's working parts, seems like when one part of a body starts having difficulty, other parts/organs start their moaning and groaning too.

New Rule: Only one physical illness/difficulty allowed at a time!!
As if the universe and my body will listen to that one!

You hang in there. I understand about cancer being on your mind most everyday, and how that can wear you down. I also understand, and my partner understand how wearing it all is on Laurie too. Here's a hang in there for you too, Laurie.

peace,
Kim

Sent by Kim Blankenship | 8:48 PM ET | 08-22-2007

Dear Rhonda,

I am so very sorry for the loss of your child. There are no words............

Sent by sasha | 8:52 PM ET | 08-22-2007

Leroy,
I need to make a second post, my apologies.

What I need to say is to Eileen in Charlotte: my prayers are with you.
I am so sorry that your CA125 levels are continuing to rise. I will pray for your remission to kick back in more strongly. And though we are strangers, I do care.

If I can be of any help, feel free to email me at kblankenship5522@comcast.net

Take good care, peace and prayers, and heartlight to you.

--Kim

Sent by Kim Blankenship | 8:59 PM ET | 08-22-2007

Leroy,

Thank you for your humor. You help me remember how lucky I am. Today you reminded me of a few years ago when my dad was dying of cancer. On my way back to Colorado from caring for him for a week, driving through Kansas, a highway patrol stopped me for speeding in a construction zone. It was a Sunday; no workers to be seen anywhere, but all I could think of was if this officer only knew why I had been to Oklahoma to see my dad who was dying, would he still give me a ticket? It was then I started to realize that life does go on, just the day to day stuff keeps coming at you no matter what you are dealing with. I appreciate hearing how you deal with it.

Blessings.

Sent by Carol | 9:34 PM ET | 08-22-2007

The household difficulties ARE unnerving. I am working on getting my home in order in case I need to sell it to pay medical bills. Tens of thousands still in dispute with the insurance company. I have decided to approach this as an academic exercise. I find that relieves the stress a lot. If I have to sell it, the next family will get a nice home in move-in condition, that I can be proud of, and I can downsize. Don't want to, but can. If I get to live in it, so much the better.

Dona: So sorry to hear about the locked doors. I will never understand why those we have considered friends choose to shut us out when we need support the most. I have decided just to continue to take pride in my work and be scrupulously polite, but my private life is now just that - private - from my co-workers. There is an up side to learning who is and who is not a friend; it lets me concentrate my time and efforts on those who care. They will receive and remember the best of me. Take heart. By the way, my oncologist and my internist, separately, instructed me to get out of the building at lunchtime, to relieve the stress of the hostile environment, to preserve my immune system. It has really helped.

Tess: So glad to hear from you. Glad to hear things have stabilized. I am hoping for the best for you.

Sent by tex | 9:56 PM ET | 08-22-2007

I guess when things break, it would seem fair that you should be spared from the hassle. Maybe it's one way of letting you know that they need fixing too. Ya think? Take care of you Leroy

Sent by Robin T | 11:20 PM ET | 08-22-2007

Arthritis. Sciatica. Bunions. Various health problems of my husband plus very real concerns about our sons. It just seems completely unfair that I should have to deal with those now, but that's what's on my mind most mornings! And then there is the carpet department at Home Depot...they sold us a carpet, then six or seven weeks passed, and every week they had another explanation for why the carpet had not yet materialized. Finally, I heard, "It hasn't been created yet." This was at the 6 week mark. I started ranting, but stopped myself before I said, "But I have cancer!"

Rhonda - I'm glad you came here today and so very sad about the loss of your son Spencer. Your love and admiration for him shine through.

Martie - Prognoses are often wrong. You are in my prayers tonight.

Sent by Doris | 11:33 PM ET | 08-22-2007

I have been re-reading the blog and responses. Several weeks ago, my sister (the cancer patient) asked me to reset a button on her "I've fallen and can't get up" system that was just 2 feet away from her. Let me explain, this. Her "life" is spent in a recliner to help her deal with secretions, her whole world is basically withing a 2 1/2 foot area. Her extremities WORK! I did and then got angry. I stewed for almost 2 weeks. Then there was an unscheduled trip to the Dr. because of nausea. Of course, she couldn't do that alone, had to ask a friend to go with her (I had to be at work), and then didn't follow the Dr's recommendations. I stewed for a day. I finally asked what the problem was and why she didn't do what was recommended. You see I don't want to be an enabler. Just a month ago,there was a problem with the feeding tube, a speed bump. Now there was nausea, she said was car sickness and probably really didn't warrant a trip to the Dr., but did anyway. Go figure, I know at one time she was a nurse.

She fell in the garage almost 2 months ago. SHE DIDN'T BREAK A BONE, sadly because she sits 95% of the day, her legs continue to be week and she could not get off the fall and needed the the help of neighbors. She did break her self confidence what little there was. All I could say GET OVER IT AND MOVE ON.

Some people want or must be needy, HER and others I don't even know about. If I can't do do this, someone will do it for me, I have cancer pitty me. Some people (MOST WHO PARTICIPATE IN THIS PHENOMENAL FORUM) would much rather be living their lives speed bumps and all or smooth sailing. They are NOT DONE WITH LIVING!

We are usually given choices in life. I didn't really have a choice when she became sick. Dad couldn't do this for her. He is still reeling and probably will never fully recover from this. She didn't have choice to pass on getting cancer, however, she did have a choice whether she had insurance or NOT and could get proper health care. What we do have is choices in how we deal with each situation that cancer and life in general poses and interjects into the patients lives and care givers. When many things are going on, it does seem that more things go wrong. So, either keep moving forward and stagnate and give up.

Sent by Susan Chap | 6:12 AM ET | 08-23-2007

Your post today made me laugh. Every time something breaks, or just goes wrong I feel close to breaking down. How could anything else go wrong, I ask myself. Then I think about how there are so many people, like you, who are going through much worse things than I am, and I settle down and get through it. Thanks for taking the time to write to us. It helps me to read your stories every day, it makes my journey a little easier.

Sent by Karen | 8:22 AM ET | 08-23-2007

Dear Heather,
I don't feel you have any reason to apologize for ANYTHING, and you are certainly a very important part of this group and wish there was something I could say to help you feel better and have no reason to set yourself apart from us in any way. I don't recall
ever reading any specific "requirements for membership" to this blog, but even if there were, you fit in very nicely, and I would miss your posts if you did not continue to participate.

I would like to share something with you. It is a theory, not yet a fact, but I have a very strong feeling my CANCER problems started before I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. I had a tumor removed from my arm 10 yrs. earlier, and it was also considered in the "almost malignant" category. It is becoming more and more clear each day, with the involvement of my bones and all the difficulties I have had since the tumor was removed, the problem very well may have begun there, and until now no one has looked at that as a huge clue into the origin of my CANCER, and only recently did it occur to me. Now I am faced with the frightening news there is a possiblity of mets to the 4th and 5th rib, my cervical spine had to be reconstructed with titanium due to a collapse and C 4,5,6 and 7. The plates and screws are only the first of the "bionic" parts I now live with. Could all of this be a coincidence that I was perfectly healthy before the tumor
in my arm that was "not quite malignant"
showed its ugly head? They removed this
"peach sized" invader at the same hospital I am being treated now, but I am finding it difficult to convince any one to take this theory seriously, that all of this just may be connected. I am not a physician, but this is MY BODY and all of this is happening to ME, so I feel my contributions to solving this puzzle DO COUNT, and these are only theoretical, but important, pieces of this nightmare puzzle. IT IS A DIRTY JOB, BUT SOMEONE HAS TO DO IT!

If I had never been diagnosed with Breast Cancer, but only had this mysterious tumor in my history, would you question my qualifications to come here and share my thoughts, my fears, and concerns? I have never questioned yours, and I feel you make a huge contribution in the support and comfort of many, and I feel fortunate to be one of the recipients. I hope, after I have shared this with you, it helps you to feel more comfortable and know you are loved no less, and I look forward to hearing from you whenever you are able to write. Your thoughts and feelings show your inner beauty, and are a great source of strength for many people.
Love, Briana

Sent by briana | 5:00 PM ET | 08-23-2007

Life is made up of the unexpected, particularly with cancer. On my wifes birthday, she went in for routine blood work. They used her port and flushed it as usual, however this time she experienced a severe reaction to the Heparin, which resulted in being transported to the emergency room by ambulance and spending her birthday in the hospital. It is sometimes hard to plan anything even after cancer.

Sent by Robert Mardock | 4:31 PM ET | 08-25-2007

i just found out that the adenocarcinoma i had before is back and in my lungs. i read your story in a book at the doctors office and since you have done so good with your treatment and all i wanted to ask you a few questions

Sent by cynthia bunch dundlow | 1:50 PM ET | 09-04-2007