Sometimes You Have to Take a Beating
“With chemo, or recovery from surgery or a serious injury, you become convinced in the haze of pain and fatigue that you'll never, ever feel better again. So when you do, even when you get just a glimmer of feeling better again, it's like a miracle.”
"Sometimes in life you just have to take a beating." A friend of mine used to say that, and he's right. Sometimes there's just no getting away from it. That's pretty much the way I feel right now. Beaten. Sore. Tired. And that's by way of saying that I feel much much better than I did a day ago. These last couple of days have been really hard. When I think about it, maybe it was a mistake to have so many procedures over the course of just two days. But then I think, why have one, recover, and then have another one and have to recover all over again? Why not just get it over with?
The drugs helped a lot with the pain, but they have their own drawbacks. I stopped taking them for most of Saturday and felt terrible, more from the withdrawal than from the pain. I haven't been sleeping all that well because I've been sleeping in a chair most of the last few nights. When you've been stabbed in the back, side, and chest, you really have no other choice. And while having an afternoon nap on a couch or favorite chair is one of life's pleasures, this was different.
Then Sunday I woke up to a new world. The pain was manageable. I didn't feel so sick. It's funny, when you're in the midst of something like that, as you all know, you think it's going to go on forever. With chemo, or recovery from surgery or a serious injury, you become convinced in the haze of pain and fatigue that you'll never, ever feel better again. So when you do, even when you get just a glimmer of feeling better again, it's like a miracle. I still don't feel great, but I feel a whole lot better than I did.
My body is pretty swollen, I have some new scars to add to the old ones, and some more procedures to cross off the list. I wonder what I get when I've had them all? But we made some progress. I want to thank you all for your messages and thoughts of support, especially the woman who stopped me at Hopkins while she was waiting for her own treatment. I hope your day went well, too.
I'm going to be moving a little slower for a while. I didn't record this as a podcast for today, I just wasn't up to it. But I will be for the next one.
My friend was right that sometimes you have to take a beating. But every time, you have to get back up.
7:19 AM ET | 08-13-2007 | permalink

