For most of us, NED (no evidence of disease)is the goal but more realistically "no growth, no new tumors, everything is stable (shrinkage would be preferable)" is still a great outcome. Here is hoping and praying that your MRI results reveal that you have fought the "beast" to a stalemate. This would be good, a respite, a port in the cancer storm so that you can heal mentally, emotionally and physically.

Sorry to say that this respite will be brief because the stress and anxiety will return as the next MRI approaches. I try to compartmentalize this so that the interval of time between MRIs, PET/CTs can be a time to re-energize and to heal the wounds. We have all heard the words we dreaded to hear after scans so we know the worst but the human spirit refuses to allow the darkness to blot out HOPE.

Prayers and blessings, Leroy and Laurie.

Sent by Al Cato | 7:53 AM ET | 09-18-2007

Leroy,
I will be hoping you get some positive news today. The 'waiting game' is almost as hard as the 'active duty' of this battle, in my opinion.

For me, I guess I am unfortunately used to the scans, tx, etc. For you, you have had some treatments which you were not familiar with and did not know what to expect.

That's why waiting is sooo hard ~ it's an energy zapping process. Fear of the unknown.

I wish you some periods of peace today and hope the news is good.
And, if the news is not what you wanted, roll up your sleeves, and go to PLAN A, B, C, or D......

Sent by lisa | 8:25 AM ET | 09-18-2007

Leroy,

I wish you well on your scans today. Perhaps, the reports will at least stable disease in stead of progression.

Fingers, toes, and eye crossed for you, as well as prayers.

Sent by Sue Chap | 8:26 AM ET | 09-18-2007

Oh how awful to have all this "hanging over your head" today. Waiting, waiting, for results, preparing yourself for the worst, yet silently praying for some good news.
I want you to get encouraging news so your wonderful spirit and courage can continue to sustain you. You deserve better than the hand you have been dealt Leroy. Yes, a cease fire would be great. But no, let's hope for an end to the conflict. Keep the Researcher's heels to the fire and URGE them to get down to some "serious investigating". Find causes, not only new Chemos.
I wish you encouraging news today Leroy!!

Sent by JCR | 8:30 AM ET | 09-18-2007

Dear Leroy,

I just wanted to wish you good luck with the scans today. I keep wishing for some positive news. I hope today will bring some. And by the way, it's ok if you sound down today, you have every right to. Fingers crossed...........prayers to you and Laurie.

Sent by sasha | 8:31 AM ET | 09-18-2007

First of all, Leroy, you don't need to apologize for being "down." Actually I'd say you sound "resigned."

I cried reading your words here this morning as I can so totally identify with wanting that break - just a breather - just for awhile.

My biggest complaint right now is the fatigue and weakness and when I mentioned it to my Dr he says but what do you expect...you're literally fighting a war - you're going to feel tired and weak!

Will keep you in my thoughts and prayers today! All of you!

Sent by Vicky (NY) | 8:31 AM ET | 09-18-2007

I vote for a ceasefire too - even if only a short one. Getting radiation now and fearful losing ground from the healing I was getting from chemo because not feeling as well. Hope you have good news today Leroy and get a respite from all the worrry. I am trying to rest this week and regain some strength and look forward to my daughter coming this weekend. Blessing to all.

Sent by Vicki (FL) | 8:40 AM ET | 09-18-2007

Leroy - you're in my prayers daily - but I'm going to be talking to god even more today regarding you......and hoping for some good news and maybe just a little bit of a ceasefire as to any changes......
Any chance you'll get one of your wonderful cheesestake sandwiches?? I always have to have something to look forward to, to raise my spirits and keep me focused......
love and extra hugs to you today!

Sent by Ruth Chermok | 8:42 AM ET | 09-18-2007

The scan days and waiting are the worst, aren't they? As a cancer pro, you get to be good at everything that comes at you. But I think scan days are when the sand shifts under you - you never know what new land you'll wind up in. Whatever the shift is, I know you'll get your bearings once again. No choice, huh? Hope your scans go well.

Sent by Laura | 8:44 AM ET | 09-18-2007

Dear Leroy,
You are in our thoughts and prayers today. While my husband continues to fight the same war you are battling, your blog provides great insight into how someone feels going through this battle. May your results be positive ones. You are a real trooper! Keep fighting!

Sent by Nancy Owen | 9:10 AM ET | 09-18-2007

Leroy it would seem that your body unconsciously "took the ticket" and you are now consciously taking "the ride". It happens when we don't actually sign up to do something but must live the life associated. Take today as it is. And I wish the best outcome for your test results today.

Sent by Pat Zalewski | 9:15 AM ET | 09-18-2007

Hi Leroy,

Did you hear that Sally Field got censored during her Emmy Award speech? For accepting her award in honor of mothers everywhere, and saying that "if mothers were in charge there would be no goddamn wars."

I think she's right. If mothers were in charge, we would have CURES for things like cancer. We would find and implement effective and peaceful solutions to problems.

What "war" has ever resulted in ending war, except temporarily? Until the next war??

I hope you understand what I am talking about. I am not disparaging the efforts of veterans of any war, be it WWI, WWII, Vietnam, Korea, or cancer. I really believe we are due for a paradigm shift in how we approach each other, globally, and internally. On levels macroscopic and microscopic.

I do not want anyone dying from, or struggling with cancer, illness, wars, you name it. I think there are better, more peaceful solutions. Forget the "generals" who run the wars, maybe they are afraid of being out of a job. Well, let them learn new skills. I think the soldiers and officers who agreed to a ceasefire got it right.

I understand tired. I'm tired too. I think a lot of people are. I think the entire planet is.

Here's to taking a deep breath in your honor and in honor of "the soldiers" everywhere who are ready for complete ceasefires.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and Laurie today, as always; and to everyone struggling today.

Peace,

Kim

Sent by Kim Blankenship | 9:23 AM ET | 09-18-2007

Leroy, the waiting is the hardest. Waiting for scan results, waiting while the chemo drips thru your port, lying still while waiting for the radiation to be administered. Hurry up and wait, wait, wait. You have every right to be down. We fight the battle each day... hopefully we will win the war. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Sent by Diane | 9:52 AM ET | 09-18-2007

If I helps I understand. It forsure is one heck of a roller coaster ride. Twists turns smooth sailing for a bit then climbs, then the bottom hits.Then much of the same again. Cancer is for sure like that.
You have waged war towards your cancer and working towards a goal..take a deep breath keep you eye on the prize.

I am praying for a breather for you.

Sent by Kerry | 10:00 AM ET | 09-18-2007

Hope you get through the day, and get some good news. MRI days are rough. My son has his 1 year off treatment MRI on 10-8 he is 2 and a half. He had a brain tumor also. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
www.caringbridge.org/visit/owenlyons

Sent by Cyndi Lyons | 10:00 AM ET | 09-18-2007

Leroy

I'm hoping for good news and leaving you with a hug of support.

Sent by Judy Fuller | 10:03 AM ET | 09-18-2007

Here is another day that we are together in on similar pages. I hope today goes better for you than yesterday went for me.

Yesterday was the MRI of my hips. I found out at 7:30 last night that the news is not good. There is evidence of activity now on my left hip. But that is not what is so concerning. The area on my right hip, where they strongly radiated in July (for a lung cancer met.), is showing new soft tissue (bone marrow) growth. "Confusing and Ominous" are two of words my doctor used on the phone. Not what I wanted to hear.

Today the doctors will talk and figure out a plan. More radiation in the right hip? Radiation in the left hip? More chemo? Nothing?

I need to know specifics. Is this just a bump in a long and rocky road? Or is this where the road starts to come to it's end?

I just want to laugh my way through this mess. It's hard right now, because the tears keep getting in the way.

Good luck today, Leroy.

Sent by Laurel M. Jones | 10:07 AM ET | 09-18-2007

Leroy~ I think the anticipation is getting the best of you. I think you are going to feel better tomorrow just knowing whatever the news is, good or bad. But of course we are praying for more good news than bad. It is usually a bit of both. Hang in there bud.

Sent by DiAnn | 10:07 AM ET | 09-18-2007

I guess I have come to a cease-fire of sorts. I've stopped fighting. That sounds so fatalistic, but it doesn't feel that way. The cancer is growing and I am getting on with my life. It does its thing and I do mine. Eventually it will catch up to me, but I'm not looking over my shoulder watching and waiting. I still have scans, but they are more to satisfy my doctor than for me. We are both agreed that there will be no further treatment, and none seems available. It's not like I am turning anything down, there just isn't anything out there. So . . . life goes on. Until it doesn't.

Sent by Stephanie Dornbrook | 10:07 AM ET | 09-18-2007

Dearest Leroy, Your calm sharing of the view from the front is bracing, humbling, clear-eyed and honest. Thank you vastly for sharing so. My hope for you is that you find passionate or meditative moments when you are able to completely transcend awareness of cancer, and thus create an infinite expanse of calm or wild awareness where you exist without threat, without concern, without strategic decisions to be made. Once during a car accident, I had the experience of time opening up so that a matter of seconds seemed way longer, with time and space for many considerations. I trust you will find your way to create that kind of time apart for yourself, whether it is through watching the new season of "24" or getting giddy looking at the stars, or making meteoric love, or gazing into the face of a crocus in sunlight or anything else (like the cheesesteak sandwiches you love) that creates an oasis of time out of time.

Sent by Sarah | 10:40 AM ET | 09-18-2007

The bittersweet verses of John McCutcheon's song Christmas in the Trenches brings tears and hope every time I hear it. Thank you for the reminder. http://www.worldwar1.com/sfcitt.htm
I am willing for you and other ill peoples a ceasefire, preferably a blessed victory.
We are filled with respect and in awe of your writings and grace.
And, sending prayers with hope, our thoughts of comfort, peace and satisfaction for you everyday.

Sent by Julia aka Stitches | 10:49 AM ET | 09-18-2007

As long as we're wishing, let's ask that the cancer go away and STAY AWAY, I say. But if wishes were horses...Leroy et al, we know our options are limited but we have no way to go but forward. Love and sweet wishes to all, from Sherri in Texas, BC dx 4-06

Sent by Sherri Eggleston | 11:05 AM ET | 09-18-2007

Kim, I'm sure Ms Fields was censored becaused of her choice of adjective to describe the war - not for any other reason. I agree with her sentiments and disagree with the poor choice of the adjective.

Sent by Vicky (NY) | 11:18 AM ET | 09-18-2007

Leroy,
Ahhh once again you read my mind. I just scheduled a scan for my husband to see if the brain radiation has worked while he gets a bone infusion because the Lupron to fight prostate cancer might give him osteoporosis! I try and schedule appointments around events and days of the week so the bad news if there is any, won't ruin what might be a good time because they are so precious. You have every right to feel anxious but lets assume, until you know otherwise, that the tumors are stable and the ceasefire is holding. God bless.

Sent by kathie | 11:23 AM ET | 09-18-2007

It's difficult to convey to others the relentlessness of our situation. For those not involved, life as usual goes on. For those dealing with cancer, the necessity of scans which have attendant anxiety, treatments which have side effects that can change quality of life negatively for prolonged periods of time or permanently, or surgery after surgery is difficult if not impossible to fathom.
Obviously, cancer isn't the only illness that leads to these issues. I have a friend with advanced rheumatoid arthritis. She has had many surgeries to replace joints destroyed by the disease, constant pain, and is now reliant on an electric skooter to get around. She is contemplating a surgery on her ankles which may bring her 10% of the joints' normal function. Now she has 0%. She told me recently as she was saying that what I've gone through is so much worse that over the years, doctors have told her to "get over it" as far as her illness is concerned, because, "after all, it's not something fatal like cancer". That's lousy advice, if you ask me, and dismissive of her real suffering.
As I often say, it's not a contest to see who is having it worse, but it'd surely be nice to put this illness behind us for even a few months. Then on the other hand.....picking it back up again is hard.

Sent by Nancy K. Clark | 11:25 AM ET | 09-18-2007

May the Force be with you today, Leroy. I'm sending up prayers that you'll get that break. Stranger things have happened...

Sent by Doris | 11:26 AM ET | 09-18-2007

WOW !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What a LIFELINE.....thanks. Good thoughts. I'll remember those as i go through the tubes and scans. xo dee

Sent by dee congress | 11:28 AM ET | 09-18-2007

Leroy,

It is truly horrible not to be able to get away from something. Cancer is 24/7. Today I agree with Stephanie. I think it is good to let the cancer do its thing, treat it as you are able, and get on with your life. That is very hard to do. Blessings.

Sent by Diana Kitch | 11:29 AM ET | 09-18-2007

Leroy,
I am praying for good news for you today!
I had my fourth thyroid biopsy yesterday...I just hope they got some cells this time. In the past I have been frantic for results and hated waiting. I must be wearing down because I don't have any of those feelings today. The news will come when it comes in a week or two. I just hope it isn't that they are going to have to try for the fifth time!!
Well, I am off to fight another war...weeds in the yard.
Charlotte in Temecula

Sent by Charlotte Kewish | 11:31 AM ET | 09-18-2007

LeRoy, we are all praying for you in our own way. I heard someone say that cancer cells are very healthy cells! They do what they are designed to do and they do it very well. Who needs or wants that kind of enemy?

Sent by Marilyn Trujillo | 11:38 AM ET | 09-18-2007

I will think of you throughout the day and pray for all of us who suffer from this horrible disease.

Sent by Bob A. | 11:52 AM ET | 09-18-2007

I just wanted to say thank you for all you do for cancer patients. I am a social worker at Dana Farber and I know how much your presence, honesty and insight has helped many of my patients through their own experience. I often struggle to find some way to help my patients as a person who has never had cancer and I can say I have learned a lot from you. I'm embarrassed to say I don't know much about your career as a journalist, but I can tell you that your contribution with this blog has touched many lives and taught many of us how to navigate, and help others navigate, this often overwhelming world of cancer. I read your posts each day and send you all of my positive thoughts and healing energy. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

Sent by Kim | 12:01 PM ET | 09-18-2007

Laurel and Stephanie,
You're both strangers to me, but I'm holding you in my heart today, amazed by your raw courage.

Sent by Doris | 12:03 PM ET | 09-18-2007

Leroy and Laurie,

I will be thinking of you constantly today. I know that feeling so well that you describe so perfectly. I pray that you will have good news!!

Love to all,
Betty

Sent by Betty Lewis | 12:40 PM ET | 09-18-2007

You are allowed to be down, Leroy, and to share those feelings 24/7!!!! I learned a great lesson from a friend of mine when he had all four of his wisdom teeth extracted: the art of moaning and its positive affect on the body. Of course, you must think I'm joking but it somehow works. Here's what happened: my six foot seven friend began the moaning process the moment he was in the car - low, slow moans. At this point, I thought the moaning was associated with the bumpy road and didn't inquire as to what was going on -I just tried to take the driving slower. Once we got home and he was in bed, the moaning began in earnest and lasted for a good five minutes! He explained later that moaning was necessary in difficult situations - only the moaner could make the determination as to what the difficult situation was. He convinced me that the carefully contrived responses we think we're supposed to have inhibits ridding the body of the awful pains associated with bad experiences. Much to my surprise, he asked me to moan with him and once I began moaning, I then developed a howling sound. I felt better and I wasn't even sick! This is certainly funny sounding but I've actually used the moaning technique over the years and it ususally causes laughter after a while -admittedly I don't moan in a crowd unless that crowd really knows me - so moan, Leroy! We all entitled to our feelings and perhaps moaning will scare the cancer!

Sent by Molly | 12:52 PM ET | 09-18-2007

Peace and good luck to you today Leroy. I'm hoping for miraculous results! I HATE that nasty MRI machine. I need drugs just to get in and not scream from the nasty, loud, ceasless pounding! I'll look forward to your good news tomorrow.

Sent by Terri (Seattle) | 1:01 PM ET | 09-18-2007

Stephanie,

You are so courageous!! I pray life goes on for you for a very long time!!

Love,
Betty

Sent by Betty Lewis | 1:06 PM ET | 09-18-2007

***** Good Luck today Leroy**

Sent by liz zimmerman | 1:07 PM ET | 09-18-2007

Leroy, The day will be long and tiring, and then you talk to the Doc. I hope it is better news than you expect. A break would be nice! Cancer is an unrelenting enemy, I don't think it would have shared anything. Hoping for no growth! Stan

Sent by Stan Wozniak | 1:12 PM ET | 09-18-2007

Leroy>

Here's to Cease-Fires!
Cheers to Cease-Fires!!
Everywhere.

*can't ignore the irony as we end this course of radiotherapy treatment and begin what they refer to as a series of Booster Treatments*

The first course of radiotherapy treatment was palliative; this course had the word 'curative' attached. *blinks*

Then again, we've heard ChemoTherapy to resume in November...

*opens another course of study*

Be well.

-dp

Sent by dp | 1:12 PM ET | 09-18-2007

Dear Leroy,

A prayer that the scans are not bad news. It's totally ok to be down today or tired or anything else,

Lianne

Sent by Lianne Friedman | 1:24 PM ET | 09-18-2007

An echo of Julia's comment on Christmas in the Trenches. There is a lyric in it where Silent Night (Stille Nacht) is sung in two languages.

We all need a stille nacht once in a while, or a string of them.

Sent by Jack Burrington | 1:32 PM ET | 09-18-2007

Well, and then there are nasty drops on the roller coaster. It seems that the MRI of my liver that I had last week to "prove" that I don't have liver mets....didn't. Now I'm waiting to hear what's next.

Sent by Nancy K. Clark | 1:34 PM ET | 09-18-2007

Thanks for sharing the link to your website Cyndi. Owen is absolutely precious. My heart goes out to you and your famil. Children with cancer - now THAT I don't understand - can't accept!

Stephanie - I hear where you're coming from as essentially I'm in the same place!

Sent by Vicky (NY) | 1:48 PM ET | 09-18-2007

Dear Leroy and All,

I have such empathy for all of you, and I pray God will comfort you in each of your battles.

Stephanie - you are my hero. I can't tell you how my heart goes out to you. Keep outrunning the cancer, and don't give it the satisfaction of looking back.

Leroy--what can I say? I'm going to be in constant prayer today that you get the best news that you could possibly get - whatever that is. I'll let God decide.

May God Bless us All!

Connie E.

Sent by Connie E. | 1:52 PM ET | 09-18-2007

I hope that the tumors havent grown when they look at the MRI results leroy.

its ok to be down, tired or whatever you are feeling. I think all emotions have a place and need to be honored. We cant fight and be positive all the time, we are human after all.

Sent by Jenn | 2:49 PM ET | 09-18-2007

Hi Leroy,
Here's hoping you get good news on the scans. You have my full support as well as everyone else in the blog. My best friend goes back to her oncologist next Monday to discuss scans and tests. Everyone please keep her in your prayers. (Stage III Colon C...Her name is Donna.) Hugs to all.

Sent by Teresa in WV | 3:25 PM ET | 09-18-2007

Vicky(NY) Ms Fields choice of adjective is allowed by the FCC, and was broadcast in Canada. I'm kind of glad they blipped her, because all the cable stations (CNN, MSNBC) re-broadcast her comments over and over and over.

Leroy, I had my breast biopsies this morning, so I am also in wait mode. Odds are 9 to 1 I am okay, but does my mom believe it? I wouldn't be so worried if she weren't so worried!

Sent by Dianne in DC | 3:54 PM ET | 09-18-2007

Good Afternoon Leroy and All

Leroy, I hope that by now you and Laurie have received the good news we are all hoping comes your way today. And I hope that you can have at least a brief break in the action! You have fought the good fight and you deserve a rest from the front lines.

I can understand the apprehension associated with waiting. My doctor said that his office would call me and reschedule my appointment for 3 months if the test results were good. There has been no call, so I am bracing myself for information that I do not want to hear on the 26th.

My brother and his wife are arriving tomorrow for a visit, so I need my happy face, but it keeps slidding off. Where is that darn Super Glue??

To Stephanie, I know it was a very hard decision to stop fighting. And it does take a lot of courage to say the battle is now over. My heart goes out to you. And I know that is a decision that will come to most of us in time. And yes, the tears are falling.

To All, I wish COMFORT and PEACE!

God Bless,

Eileen Pruyne
Charlotte

Sent by Eileen Pruyne | 4:04 PM ET | 09-18-2007

Hi Leroy, I haven't read your blog for about 3 weeks now. I couldn't bear it as you see our 26 year old son passed away on 9/02/07. We will never know where his cancer originated, but upon diagnosis it was immediately in his lymph system and spine and pelvis and in the end it was the cancer in his lungs that took his life. Theodore is my hero. We had so many people come to us at the funeral saying that they didn't realize how ill he was because whenever they asked how he was doing he would say fine or it's going to get better. He was like that up until the day he died. With each step of cancer I did not think in my mind I could make it through to the next step. Now that it is over for him and he is resting comfortably without pain and breathing without struggle with God I have to say that I am thankful I was able to be with him during his cancer journey. To hold hands when times were hard, laugh together, cry together, get angry together. We were the 3 Musketeers - Theodore, his father and I. And now there are 2. We go through our days looking normal on the outside but on the inside is the memory of a journey we will never be able to forget. We look forward to seeing Theodore in Heaven one day. That is what gets us through this life.

I want to thank you for the time and effort you put into this blog as it was a source of strength for me as we went down this road. I wish you nothing but the best and I was glad to see when I logged on again today you are still fighting. As the saying goes - what's the alternative!

Good luck to you Leroy and to all of your readers.

Judy

Sent by Judy Voller | 4:10 PM ET | 09-18-2007

Just as a heads-up to your readers, I???ve been involved in launching a new public service site where people can share their stories of survival and recovery from dreaded diseases, or of coping with chronic conditions, as a way to inspire others who may be similarly challenged. Again, it is entirely a public service, a place where people can find hope. If anybody is interested, they can go to http://www.sharingmiracles.com/.

Thank you.

Kathryn

Sent by Kathryn Phelps | 5:29 PM ET | 09-18-2007

Hey Leroy,
We're in the "waiting period" also.
My husbands' PET scan for his NSLC was last Friday... no hurry for the Docs to let us know what the results were. Afterall it's been 3 mos since the chemo ended, what's our rush??? Same ol' -same ol'.
I'd love it if a cease fire could be ordered! Cancer can be so relentless, like acne when your're a teenage. I remember spending countless hours washing and wishing it away.
Best wishes to you! I do hope that NOTHING is happening with you.

Sent by Deb | 8:45 PM ET | 09-18-2007

Laurie and Leroy,

Wishing you good luck with your scan results and the cease-fire that you need. Regardless, you are surrounded by an army that will do their best to pick you up, push you forward, and carry you ahead. Hang in there!!!

Sent by Suzanne Lindley | 9:14 PM ET | 09-18-2007

My prayers are with you. I can't think of anything pithy to add, but I hope it gives you comfort that by sharing your journey you are bouyed up by people everywhere.

Sent by Tania | 9:36 PM ET | 09-18-2007

Leroy- I wish you the best. The humanity of the situation is overwhelming. Even as I write this my emotions come raging to the forefront. I think that is what I enjoy about having cancer the most. I actually don't enjoy anything else at all.

I can't believe the overwhelming togetherness of our conjoined situations, whether cancer or any other afflictions of humanity. They are all the same. It is the emotions and empathy of humans that make us human.

Thanks for your story, I just had my first crying jag, thanks to you, while writing this comment. It actually felt good, I will have to tell my wife.

Colo-rectal surgery is Friday. I have no fear of the outcome. It is what it is.

Thanks again and the best to you all.

Sent by Dick Todhunter | 9:42 PM ET | 09-18-2007

Today should have been a fabulous day, and it was in one way. I was at Dana Farber for my final infusion, after 18 months of nearly every three weeks. There's been NED for the past 6 months.

But, there's been too much else going on in the last 10 days. A good friend's invalid sister-in-law was diagnosed with stage IV colon cancer a few weeks ago. Her medical situation precludes both surgery and chemotherapy as viable treatments. She has gone from diagnosis to hospice. Another close friend lost her mother in this same period.

And so, tonight, instead of celebrating, I am just tired, too.

Stephanie Dornbrook, Laurel Jones, Eileen Pruyne, Nancy K. Clark, Leroy and others, my thoughts are especially with you today.

Kim at DFCI, we've not met, I think; but, know that from the patient perspective your teams do outstanding work.

Sent by Sheara | 9:50 PM ET | 09-18-2007

My prayers are that when I read your blog tomorrow it will be good news, Leroy. Most hopefully, Jan

Sent by Jan | 10:02 PM ET | 09-18-2007

Those 'scan days' are the pits. My husband has been living with brain cancer for 13 years. Last week he had an MRI and the technican was going over what was going to happen and Mark said "I've had a few of these things - I know what happens". The technician looked in his chart and said yep, this is your 55th MRI! Mark asked when do the balloons and streamers come down from the ceiling! How many do I have to have for that to happen?
So we've sat in the oncologists office 55 times waiting for those results -most of the time good -a handful not good at all. How much stress can we take? The answer is - as much as we need to as we're in this together and hes still here waiting for those balloons and streamers -maybe at #100?

Sent by Rachael Jenkins | 11:50 PM ET | 09-18-2007

Leroy, you and Lori are in my thoughts and prayers, my friend.

Stephanie, I saw you on the Ted Koppel special and have admired your courage, your straightforward take on your treatment and options. You and everyone on this board are heroes to us all and I think of you each day.

Sent by Amy Carr Wojnarowski | 11:53 PM ET | 09-18-2007

Leroy- I am reading this at 9 at night- my computer has been out a few days. The 1st thing I will do in the morning is check your post-- oh I hope hope hope you get good news. You sure deserve it. You are a prize to all of us- those with and those without.We all face the difficult issues one day.

Sent by Linda H. | 11:59 PM ET | 09-18-2007

Leroy,
I pray you get good news! I know the sense of worry and fear when facing new tests, even though we just might get some good news for a change. I am scheduled for another PET scan on Oct 4th. Yep, scared but we have to face it and find out what's really going on. When you wrote you'd settle for six months, if you could have heard my mind thinking, you'd have heard me around the world. I was crying "NOOooooo". Don't settle, that would mean the cancer would be winning and I know you better than that. You won't give up that easy. Take time to sleep, rest. Let your body and mind spend some hours "free" of all that mess you deal with. Watch an Abbott and Costello movie. Laugh! Try one of those new Three Musketeer bars that have Mint in them, I can't. I'm sure it's heavenly. Ha! Have a good day, each one is you know. :)

Sent by LindaW | 4:07 AM ET | 09-19-2007

LeRoy, I am a few days behind in reading the blog comments, but you are in my thoughts and prayers for good news. As i near the end of my chemo treatments (one left) for colon cancer, i will then have scans and a colonscopy before we know the end result. If things are negative, that will be good news but I would not call it a ceasefire. More strangely, do I still call myself a cancer patient or a cancer 'survivor'? Survivor seems like a strange term, since we will always be in a vigilant mode for any changes in our conditions and what that might mean.
I am still struggling with going back to a more 'normal' lifestyle rather than visiting the cancer center weekly.

Anyway, thanks to all who post their comments as they do help to keep us grounded and connected day by day.

Sent by Lou Loggi | 12:51 PM ET | 09-20-2007

In response to you feeling down today:

How long can you go with your engine in overdrive?

My friend???s mother-in-law, Loretta, is a 20 year survivor of breast cancer. Twenty years ago, medicine was not as advanced as it is today. Back then her prognosis was not good, but despite this and a subsequent recurrence, she is alive today. In addition to cancer, she and her family face other challenges. Whenever I see her, she is always positive. I receive inspiration from her every time we meet. I often wonder if she has had this attitude every day for the past 20 years.

Cancer survivors now are living productive and healthy lives for many, many years. Is it possible to remain focused, positive, and objective every day year after year? I think not. We all know that an engine will eventually burn out if you keep it in overdrive for too long without a break.

I know many of us feel bad when we take a ???break??? from our positive attitude some days. We see the concern on our friends??? and families??? faces. ???Are you feeling OK???? they ask. ???You know you have to stay positive??? they say. Only recently have I discovered that it is OK to not be positive, focused and objective every single day. Perhaps on these down days we get rest and strength in order to continue with our struggles.

I have never seen Loretta have a dark day but now I realize she must have them. Otherwise she would never have survived all these years with her engine always on overdrive.

Sent by Susan | 3:02 PM ET | 09-21-2007