Leroy,
I haven't been able to write since finding out that I am no longer NED. Last week, after suffering pains in my upper and lower back, I finally saw my onc. (denial it could be my NHL). After seeing a CT he gave me 1/2 hour notice and started chemo, the pain vanished. I am now on chemo, awaiting to see where else the beasties have surfaced and if I will need more surgery. My husband and I were training to walk a 1/2 marathon for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society, that's now on delay. We are supposed to see our daughter do and Ironman Triathalon in Dec, who knows. I am told to plan ahead but it seems each time I do something kicks my plans away. Thanks for listening and being an understanding ear.

Sent by Natalie | 7:48 AM ET | 09-05-2007

Thank you for sharing these thoughts. I will go to chemo tomorrow with the troupe from Monty Python; cheering me on.
With care, Anne

Sent by anne lumberger | 7:51 AM ET | 09-05-2007

This is funny you metioned insprational sayings you can't get out of your head, years ago I saw one somewhere in an email I think, and it was the way I felt my life should be, this was before I found out I had cancer. I had a painter paint the saying along my dining room wall as a boarder on the top so that I could see it every day. Now that I have cancer this is more relative to my everyday life. It says,"Life may not be the party we hoped for but while we are here we might as well dance." I hope and pray that all of us who are battling this disease will try to dance a little every day.

Sent by Kathy Simmons | 7:54 AM ET | 09-05-2007

Some lines become my motto when I hear them. When I was hospitalized for lung surgery and recuperating at home afterward, I would hear the words "Left foot. Right foot. Breathe.... Left foot. Right foot. Bree-athe." in my head like an anthem or a mantra. Lately it's been a song lyric, "Miracles keep happening. The sun rose in the east today." These smell-the-roses kind of sentiments usually lift the spirits and help help get me through, but other days humor is the key, like the breast cancer t-shirt with 2 strategically placed baseballs that says "Save Second Base." Or maybe even an irreverent fighting spirit, "Don't tell me about positive attitude. Give me drugs!" Some days you sing it and some days you scream it.
Whatever gets you through...often it's a Leroy Sievers piece, isn't it? Thanks!

Sent by Sandy Fisher | 8:11 AM ET | 09-05-2007

We are a tribe.

Sent by Jack Burrington | 8:20 AM ET | 09-05-2007

It's funny you mentioned this. My mom posted earlier and I was just thinking about her saying in the dining room when I was there this past weekend. How ironic...."Life may not be the party we hoped for but while we are here we might as well dance"...when she had that painted, she didn't know this ugly disease was in her. How did she know to paint that? Life is never what we are expecting, I never expected to hear that my mom or any family member would have this and be taken from me way too soon. But while she is here and we all are, I am going to dance with her and everyone I love. I was laying with my daughter this morning, as she is rubbing my cheek....we are so blessed, even though we want more time.

Sent by Gina B | 8:41 AM ET | 09-05-2007

Aina and Michael - some times this blog is worth reading when I feel up to reading it.

I was so glad to hear your good news. None of want to travel this road but as my dear physian in Burbank said "This is the card you drew, Maurine so take it where you want it to go. l5 years remission for the first time around and now nearly 3 for the second.

We only have today and I am so fortunate to have the loved ones I have to spend them with. Enjoy all that come to you and may you have all you need but not more than you want.

Sent by Aina and Michael | 9:28 AM ET | 09-05-2007

I smiled at the comment..."I'm not dead yet". My variation on that...when I see a concerned look on a friend's face is..."Don't worry about me, the LAST thing I'm going to do is die". Even though I was recently diagnosed with cancer for the 4th time, I have been blessed. The 1st time was the week my son turned 1 and I wondered who would raise my baby. I am proud to say he will turn 45 in November. I love it that even he has some gray and a few wrinkles. I have savored life all these years and will continue to do so. Chemo was difficult but for me it has all worth it.

Sent by Joan F | 9:46 AM ET | 09-05-2007

Hi Leroy and all......Love this blog. I have been following along from the beginning but this is my first post. My daughter has late stage lung cancer and is only 46 years old.

At the radiation center that she went for treatment, there is a large sign which really touched me:

Courage is a moral quality....not a chance gift of nature.
It is the positive choice between two alternatives;
the fixed resolve not to quit.....which must be made not once, but many times, by the power of the will. Anonymous

I think it's so delightful that random words, certain music, and the world around us can sometimes but through all the chaos and touch us in wondrous ways!

Sent by betty obst | 9:59 AM ET | 09-05-2007

Leroy,

A friend of mine is taking care of "Trouble," a small dog, aptly named. Due to Trouble's size, a bowl of water stays down on the floor, while larger dogs in the house drink from elevated bowls of water.

Breakfast time brought the entire crew running into the kitchen, with the larger dogs, of course, stepping into, and spilling Trouble's water. Puddles of water were everywhere across the floor, so my friend, laid a few towels across the puddles. Her husband walks in, and seeing the scene, asks what's up? She tells him that the towels are "bridges over Trouble's water."

That made me laugh. She's a great friend, as is her husband, and they've both helped my partner and me through difficult times.

I hope we all have "bridges over Trouble's water." :-)

People, and their stories, are bridges for me. This blog and her people are bridges everyday. Thank you all.

peace and laughter,

Kim

Sent by Kim Blankenship | 10:01 AM ET | 09-05-2007

Natalie - I'm so sorry for your news but glad that the pain is gone. Please stay in touch and let us know how you're doing.

Sent by Karole Ives | 10:08 AM ET | 09-05-2007

I LOVE Monty Python, and used to have a friend with whom I could do the whole "Mrs. Premise and Mrs. Conclusion" skit about dirty budgies flying out of the loo, and burying not-quite-dead cats before going on vacation to "be on the safe side". That kind of lunacy is one of the things that I cherish in life, and frankly, that has been thin on the ground since cancer. Mike Meyers said in an interview that his father judged people by how funny they were, and wouldn't let people he deemed as unfunny in the house. He said that silly is our natural state. I agree. The trick is to hold onto the silly in the rough times. It's possible, and I think it's healing. Rubber chicken, anyone?

Sent by Nancy K. Clark | 10:20 AM ET | 09-05-2007

Leroy, Thanks for the laugh! I have never been a Monty Python fan, I may have to revisit that after seeing that clip! Some of these Blogs I keep and file in my email and some I delete. This one, I will keep. By the way, as a busy Mom, I love to read 30 page books, I can do it in one sitting. Forge on!! Saved by the Grace of God, Pixan

Sent by Pixan | 10:25 AM ET | 09-05-2007

Loved hearing what resonates with you - I like "what happens to one of us, happens to all of us" and "I'm not dead yet" too. Thank you for the smiles and inspiration that keep us all going strong and hopeful.Thank you fellow contributors when you mention my name I feel very special:)

Sent by Vicki (FL) | 10:26 AM ET | 09-05-2007

"It's ALWAYS too early to give up" as well as "Not dead yet!" are my two favorites!

Sent by Cathy W --NYC and Columbus Ohio | 10:41 AM ET | 09-05-2007

I would add another phrase that I have found helpful. My husband was diagnosed with terminal liver cancer in August, 2006 and was given 6 months to live - but he continues to work and appears to be holding his own. My phrase is: Cherish the Journey! It speaks to me and is on a tee shirt that I use whenever my spirits get down. Like LeFory says, we each need to find something to focus upon!

Sent by Barbara Gobrail | 10:52 AM ET | 09-05-2007

A year ago today my husband and best friend Joe died of cancer. A much missed really positive, sweet, loving, fun, regular guy.

Sent by Irene | 10:53 AM ET | 09-05-2007

Seeing "Not today" reminds me of some of Scarlett O'Hara's famous lines in "Gone With the Wind"---"I can't think about that right now. If I do, I'll go crazy. I'll think about that tomorrow." and "Tomorrow is another day". And then there's "Not today, sir." from Monty Python's "Cheese Shop" sketch.

Another Monty Python line that I've modified when I've been very tired from chemo. etc, is from the "Dead Parrot" sketch. I'll say to my family members, "No no she's not dead, she's, she's restin'!"

Thanks for making me smile this morning.

Sent by Sheara | 10:53 AM ET | 09-05-2007

Leroy> this blog has indeed been an inspiration; thank you for that, and more.

Kathy> Thanks for sharing the quote! *dances on*

Natalie> I've said it before, and I'll say it again: We make plans so we know we'll have something to do when no emergency crops up! (Occupational Hazard, actually, that works well with this diagnosis.) *grins*

Sasha, the Vicky, Vikki, Vicky, Eileen, Ed, and to commenters yet to come and yet to go> Thank you for taking time to share, you have all taught me so much in just six months.

*waves at Stephanie Dornbrook and gets out of the way*
*Shouts as she passes, "Great to see you here, woman! Thanks for the post about your brothers!! It helped me reframe our situation!!!"*

In our corner of the cancerCommunity, we are more than half-way through the radiotherapy treatments. Spent the weekend pretty much unable to swallow, and, of course, it was a loooooong weekend at the beginning of which the esophogitis began...

Got prescribed the cocktail they laughingly refer to as "Magic Mouthwash." ...Magic Mouthwash, my Patooty! ...well it _does_ make me nauseous like mint mouthwash does. Upside is that I've had my fourth dose this morning and it's finally providing some relief. Tough to stay hydrated when one can't swallow... *sighs*

Be well!

-dp

Sent by dp | 10:55 AM ET | 09-05-2007

Leroy~ I like random blogs like today. They make me smile and lately I've needed one. I just had my third funeral in our family this year, two due to cancer. Its been a rough year. It makes me whine a little less, walk a little straighter, and appreciate a little more. But then there is good news. Our first grandbaby was born on Monday. Life does go on and I've tried to quit figuring everything out. All the "whys" will drive you crazy. So thanks again for the smiles. Take care~

Sent by DiAnn | 11:10 AM ET | 09-05-2007

"I'm not dead yet" was just about the next thing that went through my mind after I was diagnosed 14 months ago (after I went through "OH SH*T!" about a hundred times). I have kept it mind ever since and it has become kind of a silly mantra for me, and have a link to the You-Tube video clip on my own cancer blog site. I went to see "Spamalot" (The stage version of "Monty Python and the Holy Grail") while visiting New York last month and was only in the theater lobby for 15 seconds before spying t-shirts with "I'm Not Dead Yet" printed on them. Needless to say, I had to have one. The show was great, and the musical version of this particular scene was priceless and side-splittingly funny - singing and dancing corpses doesn't sound particularly funny to most people, but only Monty Python could make this truly hilarious. I have been thinking about wearing the shirt to the treatment clinic tomorrow...

Sent by Bob Maimone | 11:37 AM ET | 09-05-2007

I rarely post, although I read the blog daily. the one thing that I'm always amazed at is how well you can speak my mind. It's as if my words are being written down with each blog. that is how connected this blog has made us all.

My focus quote has been: 'Let no one steal your hope'. Maintaining hope in spite of our diagnoses is what keeps us going. If we listened to the statistics there would be any reason to get out of bed. Even healthy people have to have hope. Hope of another day, another year, another Christmas, another child, another wedding, another. Hope of another. So don't let anybody, even those with lots of initials after their names steal your hope of another.

Sent by Lori Monroe | 12:03 PM ET | 09-05-2007

Leroy, The marines have a motto, "Duty, Honor, Country". Seems cancer patients should have some snappy slogan, but to me it is all about bravery. It takes guts to continue with the Chemo, or next series of surgery, all the while knowing the chances are less than good. In Monty Python when the Knight gets his arm cut off and is bleeding all over, but still coming to fight some more, that to me is every cancer patient. "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." Stan

Sent by Stan Wozniak | 12:22 PM ET | 09-05-2007

Dear Leroy/All,

Tomorrow is the day we go into the room with the "Green Walls"..........this is what I call the chemotherapy room. We get up early, buy the cookies for the nurses and we are on our way. My husband has a way of joking with his chemo nurse about the cookies by saying " From your lips to your hips"

Anyway, thanks for todays post. I needed something that emphasized the unity we have here as a group, as I am often very anxious the day before my husband receives his chemo.

Prayers to you and Laurie.

Sent by sasha | 1:00 PM ET | 09-05-2007

Hi Leroy. There is too much life to be lived and I've been absent. I've become sleep-averse. Aye, not today. And I love Monty Python. I do the voice and most,um, square folk look at me like I've got rocks in my head or as if I haven't grown up properly. Tuff. I've earned the right to be a kid, and to shoot from the hip. And we really are connected. To think, my energy was once part of a sunset somewhere. We're all the stuff of the big bang, through and through. I see us as little fingers popping up on a hand of oneness. If I sound too "touched" to you it's well, the new normal that Cancer brings. And I do capitalize the word. It may be a beast physically but it's brought gifts. Richard Bach said (from memory, forgive me if I'm a little off) in HIS little book, Illusions, "There is no such thing as a problem without a gift in its hands. You seek the problem becasue you need the gift." My gift is that there is too much life for me to swallow in one gulp and I don't want to take human bites.

Sent by Alycia Keating | 1:07 PM ET | 09-05-2007

My favorite saying is "What goes around comes around". After my husband died of melanoma I was flooded with "advice". When I didn't take all of the "advice" but tried to raise our sons like he would have wanted I was thought to be a bad parent. Now I sit back with a smile and think of this saying when the same people face difficult times. Several of these people have apologized for judging me so harshly.

Sent by Joy Beal-Meriwether | 1:37 PM ET | 09-05-2007

Natalie I'm sorry for your news but trying to think good thoughts for you. Today's blog was good and made me smile. Lately, I've been too busy, and not the usual really good busy to deal with things. I see my oncologist on Thursday although she never followed up with me after my last visit. I do need to touch base though as hopefully next Thursday I am off to Spain for two weeks. (I am oh so aware that this could still fall apart.) I'll read the blog whenever I have computer access and be thinking of you all.

Sent by Dona | 2:23 PM ET | 09-05-2007

Alycia...LOVE Richard Bach's Illusions! Yes, you got the quote correct...one of my most favorite books on earth...there is no such thing as a problem without a gift in it's hands. You seek problems because you need their gifts. So profound! Thank you for your blog today, Leroy....made me remember to purchase my spamalot tickets!

Sent by Karen | 2:33 PM ET | 09-05-2007

I'm with Stan. The black Knight is me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2eMkth8FWno

Sent by Scott Fertig | 3:03 PM ET | 09-05-2007

Good Afternoon Leroy and All,

Leroy, your blog today was a gift beyond compare. I used the laughs as windshield wipers for my glasses after my oncology appointment this morning. I had it all figured out: A quick peek, a little conversation and see you in three months. OOPS! It was a cytology swab, more blood work and a scan tomorrow. It's surprising how fast all the old fears can come rushing back! I should have anticipated something when the road we were on this morning was all backed up for miles because of a fire. Some day I will learn to read the signs.

To All, Thank you for your COURAGE that you so willingly demonstrate everyday! I really needed a jolt of it
today. I only hope I can measure up and Tom and I are going out to buy some super glue to paste our Happy Faces back on! To Joan F. "You go girl!!" Determination that has lasted for 45 years, remarkable!!
To Natalie, I'm so glad your pain is gone and I pray that there will be no more beasties to fight!

I'd like to share a few lines of wisdom written by a patient of mine a few years ago.

I layed down upon the desert sands,
Until the day was new.
And the tears I cried through out the night,
Is where the flowers grew.

I wish a new day to everyone filled with Flowers, Sunshine and HOPE! And of course, lots of laughter along the way!

God Bless!

Eileen Pruyne,
Charlotte

Sent by Eileen Pruyne | 3:16 PM ET | 09-05-2007

The comment "not today" really struck home with me, that was our mantra for what seems like a long time but in reality was just a few weeks. Your blog and response mean a great deal to me, thank you, Kathy from San Diego

Sent by Kathy Peacock | 3:29 PM ET | 09-05-2007

To quote the Black Knight after both arms and both legs were cut off, "It's just a flesh wound!"

He never gave up the fight now, did he? Keep fighting, everyone!

Andy

Sent by Andrew Kearns | 4:37 PM ET | 09-05-2007

The family that "Blogs" together stays together....our "c-family" is very special, whether we actually have cancer or help those who do. What would we do without that "family" support??? Hope everyone has a great day.

Sent by Teresa in WV | 5:39 PM ET | 09-05-2007

Not today - I love it!

Sent by Kay | 7:01 PM ET | 09-05-2007

My sister at the time of diagnosis of her cancer, became immobilized and totally shut down. I understand what happened, however it frustrated me to the maximum. I told her, she didn't lose her life, and to continue to live. Well, almost 2 years later (November) and she is content to have people do for her, and do minimal for herself.

Am I frustrated yes, does she care probably not, does it upset dad (almost 90) yes. So, now what?

Sent by Susan Chap | 7:04 PM ET | 09-05-2007

Just want you all to know how impt. your thoughts are to me. Eileen, I do hope your scan is ok. Sorry your day was a bummer.

Sent by Patsy Hinson | 8:23 PM ET | 09-05-2007

Leroy: The Life of Brian and The Holy Grail almost kept me from marrying Burge! The first thirty time he and his friends did their "act" it was funny, but after that it got pretty boring. When we first started dating, Burge was just 21 and I an older woman. At parties, the more he and his friends drank, the sillier it got and not only did they recite the same lines each time, they did them over and over and over.

Last year, my brother sent Burge CD's of both movies and my sons have watched them several times. They aren't quite as bad as their father, but it makes my heart light to hear them telling me "she turned me into a neute (sp?), but you don't look like a neute; I got better!"

Nikki

Sent by Nikki | 11:57 PM ET | 09-05-2007

And let us not forget that "No one ever expects the Spanish Inquisition."

Sent by Marshall T. Spriggs | 1:55 PM ET | 09-06-2007

Thank you very much for sharing your thoughts. I like your blog.

Sent by Emily | 2:34 AM ET | 09-24-2007