Leroy,

With you, it's shirts, with me its shoes. One of my assignments in my Death, Dying and Berevement class, was to write about something that gives you joy. Being a girl, I wrote about shoes. I wrote about how I can look into my closet and chronicle my life. Shoes are my diary. One could say, I don't wear clogs, I wear blogs. As I open those doors and survey the boxes, I can tell you the day, who I was with, and what was going on the day I bought them. I can relate to you on the happiness I felt when I found the shoes I wore to my outdoor wedding 15 years ago. Like your wing tip shirt, the only styles out were high or mid height spiked heels. I was beside myself with glee when I discovered a lower heel white shoe so I could walk down the aisle and not sink into the grass, complete with bow.

So, button up Leroy and fly right. I'll slip on pair of memeories to celebrate another day of life.

Sent by Teri Thomas | 7:56 AM ET | 09-20-2007

I laughed, and laughed as I look at the pic of my husband and my first prom and I asked him to wear a chocolate brown tux to "match" my dress..... ha ha It's a great pic I keep in my kitchen window everyday to remind me "where we started"....and look at the ride we've been on and thank God I've had him by my side.......
I'll bet you'll look fantastic in your tux and hope you create many wonderful memories at the events ahead......
Everyone have a wonderful weekend!

Sent by Ruth Chermok | 7:57 AM ET | 09-20-2007

Hi Leroy,

Good one. Actually when I was diagnosed with breast cancer two years ago my one goal was to outlive my dog. She is 4 years old now. I am doing fine other than side effects from the chemo - fatigue and chemo brain. And my dog is doing very well, too.

Take good care,

Lianne

Sent by Lianne Friedman | 7:58 AM ET | 09-20-2007

Blue tux jacket with a ruffled shirt...SAWEEEEEEEEET!

Yes, little things mark time and make one pause. My hair has grown long enough now to sort of twist with your fingers. I am starting to date again and was watching a movie with a man that I've seen a few times now (usually they run for the hills after they find out about the cancer). Anyway, during the movie, as I sat leaning on him with his arm around me and he began to play with my hair. It struck me hard that only a couple of months ago he could not have done that. Luckily the room was dark because I began to well up with tears.

As you say it is the little things.

I hope you have many tux shirts to buy in the future. Maybe you will live long enough to see the ruffles come back in style. Lord, I don't wish that look on anyone.

Hugs,

Lori

Sent by Lori Levin | 8:08 AM ET | 09-20-2007

Twenty years ago I sat with my Dad in his oncologist's office waiting for what we knew couldn't be good news. The office was filled with young and old patients, he turned to me and said, "I'm 64 years old, I've lived my life, what could those poor children have done to deserve this?" Sad to think he believed he was being punished for something when in truth his body was simply reacting to the tons of chemicals he came in contact with on a daily basis. What a price to pay to support his family. My father was never told he had cancer that metastasized from his lung to his liver and beyond. The doctor said he didn't believe in kicking a man when he was done. He was too far gone for chemo and oral chemo didn't help. Truth is my Dad already knew. He was with us for twelve wonderful weeks from his diagnosis until it was time for him to leave us for a better place.
Twenty years later Oncologist's offices are still filled, cancer plays no favorites when it comes or who it strikes. This morning I received an update from my daughter's 26 year old friend named Bobby. He was diagnosed with Ewing's sarcoma over a year ago. He checked himself out of the hospital because there was nothing more they could do for him. He's going to explore some other options, maybe a macrobiotic diet. Can't tell you how much I love that kid, a boy I've only met through my daughter's eyes, but I love him like a son. Most days I go through life with a smile, annoying people with my humming and whistling, grateful for the crumbs life throws my way. But even more grateful for the people I love and those who love me. But yesterday I cried. Bobby reads your column, he found out about it from one of my friends who lost her beautiful 12 year old daughter to neuroblastoma. Bobby shared your site with all the people he keeps updated, he identifies with the piece "The Toughest Kids on the Block". I continue to be amazed by the strength all you kids have, the will to fight this battle. So,I woke up this morning smiling again, mostly because that's just the way I am and because Bobby woke up too. I know he won???t give up the fight. Neither will I.

Sent by Antoinette Comprelli | 8:27 AM ET | 09-20-2007

Leroy

Every year as I put away my Christmas ornaments, I look at them and wonder what I will know the next time I lift them from their boxes. Unfortunately, when cancer is around, your concerns are that life will not be quite the same. It is the little things sometimes that really tug on your heart and make you realize how vulnerable you are.

Sent by Patricia A | 8:46 AM ET | 09-20-2007

Interesting that you should talk about clothes today. Yesterday I purged my wardrobe by getting rid of things that didn't fit our didn't think I would use any more. It was a good feeling and I decided to look forward to get new clothes as an optimistic look to the future. I think it's important to look good in order to feel good. I'm sure you will look great in your new shirt - have fun!

Sent by Vicki (FL) | 8:46 AM ET | 09-20-2007

Leroy, sounds like your good to go with that new shirt. Maybe a pic could be posted on a future blog?:D

I have to thank Ann whose post yesterday gave me a good chuckle~
"Your blog reminds of Sex in the City, without the sex. Maybe it should be titled, Sick in the City."
Or, it could be titled, "Sexy in the "C" City," in keeping with the spirit of Kris Carr's documentary.

With all that said, I have to ask, as Carrie from Sex in the City would, what about your SHOES? It seems to me, that men's shoes have a longer style longevity than women's shoes.

With all that said, I tend to struggle lately with making large purchases, which is dictated by that dang monkey on my back. I think I need to get over that one!
Have a great day everyone.....

Sent by lisa | 8:54 AM ET | 09-20-2007

Shoes! I always buy a new pair of shoes before surgery. With my thrifty habits, this is my statement of betting on myself and a good recovery.Thinking of you, Leroy, I hope you'll be looking good in your new tux shirt for many big and small events to come.

Sent by Karen | 9:09 AM ET | 09-20-2007

Geez Leroy - I think I rented that same tux right after you did!

Something you said yesterday really got me, although I did not have a chance to read your post until today. I remember, during my many trips to the chemo room 5 years ago, seeing some patients that looked just so deathly ill. As bad as I often felt, I could tell that they were feeling so much worse. I've wondered many times what happened to some of them. I know for sure that one man died of bladder cancer the year after I got done. Another was given a small dose of an experimental chemo my last day there, and he nearly died right in the chemo room next to me. It was really tough seeing people suffer like that!

Sent by Art Ritter | 9:13 AM ET | 09-20-2007

Recently, I met an old friend for lunch and when he walked me to my car, he noticed a lot of shopping bags on my back seat. He is an extremely thrifty person so he commented on my obvious "spendthrift" ways. I told him those bags showed my hope, my optimism for the future. For a while after my latest diagnosis, I didn't buy any new clothing. But now I am shopping a little, mostly from consignment shops or even good charity resale shops. Somehow it makes life seem a little more normal.

Sent by Joan F | 9:46 AM ET | 09-20-2007

When my father died we looked in his closet to choose the appropriate clothes for eternity. Hmmm. Blue ruffled tux or overalls and ugly Hawaiian shirt? Even in 1994 it was an obvious choice. No man should have his mistakes haunt him THAT long.

Sent by Liz Widman | 9:48 AM ET | 09-20-2007

Leroy - Don't worry about the blue tuxes and your dates - I bet they'd cringe looking at their prom hair style and want to apologize to you for THAT! :-) My husband wore a blue tux, complete with the ruffled shirt (including blue pants) for a wedding he was in in 1971 - and those sideburns! Whoa!

But just maybe we should all ignore the fashion "gods" and wear whatever suits our fancy. After all, what did the fashion people know when they pushed those blue tuxes and ruffled shirts on us???

Terri - I like the way you worded the - "I'll slip on a pair of memories to celebrate another day of life." Beautiful!

Sent by Vicky (NY) | 9:55 AM ET | 09-20-2007

The fact that you're getting ready to go somewhere in a tux indicates to me one of two possibilities: a.) you're going to a stuffy, rubber-chicken kind of awards gig, or 2.) you're going to a fun event...wedding, gala, soire', middle-Eastern potentates' birthday party, premiere of Tom Hanks' latest film.
I certainly hope that it's one of the latter choices. What ever the event, I'm sure that you'll look swell. Enjoy, and wear comfortable shoes.

Sent by Nancy K. Clark | 10:01 AM ET | 09-20-2007

Lleroy, I hope you will still wear ruffles and the winged shirt. As for me, I keep finding things to outlive, my VISA, the handicap sticker, anything that "adds" to my longivity.

Lisa, buy a stuff monkey. Find the cutest monkey you can find. Let it remind you of your courage and strength. And your tears, anger, frustration. It's just personality parts; not your true inner self (soul). A wonderful friend (therapist) suggested this to me years to ago and I happy to report it works. At least for me. You have to see my collection.

And I love the Sexy in C City!!

Sent by Kay | 10:03 AM ET | 09-20-2007

Ironic how much I identify with these recent posts. I am going from scan to scan to see when or if it is time for more chemo. This week I went out and bought a few clothes that fit me. I had not expected to be here past Christmas 2006 and had just kept wearing the old ill fitting garments. Recently I realized that I have not, and will not, stop fighting and maybe some clothes that fit would help!

Sent by Bettie Wolverton | 10:06 AM ET | 09-20-2007

Leroy~ I'm jealous. I've never been to a black tie affair. Hope you have a good time!! And be greatful you feel well enough to go :)

Sent by DiAnn | 10:13 AM ET | 09-20-2007

I've thought about what to wear to be buried in! I'm thinking a nice comfy pair of sweat pants and my Mustang hoodie! :-)

I have two "Grandma" sweatshirts - I've left instructions to have those made into pillows for my two precious grandchildren - although I plan on wearing them for awhile yet!!!

Lord willing!

Sent by Vicky (NY) | 10:15 AM ET | 09-20-2007

Fabric dryer sheets. That was my "marker". Last November I looked at our box of 200 fabric sheets and thought to myself "well I won't be the one to worry about running out of those". Along with wondering if I would need to go to the dentist again. Well I have a dentist appointment in about two weeks and we just bought a double packet of fabric dryer sheets (244 in each packet). Will I be here when we run out? Hope so. What things we think of when we are faced with the end of our life! Leroy, I hope you have a chance to go through many styles of shirts

Sent by Jackie | 10:17 AM ET | 09-20-2007

Dear Leroy,

Next week, I will be attending a school reunion. Our reunions aren't limited to class, since there were only 1200 students, K-12, at the bilingual school in Colombia. We try to have then every two years or as soon as we can convince someone to take on the task of arranging, but this time it has been 5 years since the last time and a whole lifetime has passed in those five years. No one has seen me since my diagnosis of breast cancer. No one has seen this new body I now inhabit. No one knows that they were one of my benchmarks in getting through my cancer treatment. I have to be here to make the next reunion.

These reunions are always emotional. We are a pretty tight crew. Something about growing up an ex-pat. But it will be even more emotional for me. I wanted to be alive to see these dear friends again. I want to stay alive to see them at the next reunion. I want to be going to reunions when I'm an old woman.

No matter the style, I am certain you will cut a dapper figure in your tux.

All my best,
Mo Spikes

Sent by Mo Spikes | 10:55 AM ET | 09-20-2007

Leroy, I'm so glad you wrote about this today! I do this sort of measuring my time quite frequently. And as you point out, for me, they are usually just minor life events. Just the other day I had to replace the registration sticker in my car. In New York State your car registration is good for two years. I can distinctly remember replacing it two years ago and as I was about to place it on the windshield, thinking to myself, will I still be here to do this again in two years? Well, here it is two years later and I find myself asking the same question. It would be great if, in two years from now, I could be changing the car registration sticker again. That would be GREAT!

Sent by Jeff Beach | 10:58 AM ET | 09-20-2007

I love the tuxes from the 40's -- I think they had wider lapels and were tailored lusciously. But whatever style you wear, remember why Fred Astaire always was stunning in his tuxedo: he wore them as if they were pajamas, not like they were stiff and formal wear. Wish I could remember the source of this observation, so I could attribute it correctly, but I can't. You will be snazzy either way, and I hope that the dress up affairs are celebrations you will find nourishing to share in.

Sent by Sarah | 11:06 AM ET | 09-20-2007

Leroy, I have often thought the same thing. Will I be here when.. ??? Hoping, yet knowing it might not happen. I had bought a new car while on chemo. My old car was getting several thousand miles on it and my treatment center was over 70 miles away and those frequent trips were worrying me... so I bought a new car. I celebrated when I had to put new tires on the car and then really celebrated when I had to replace then again! Now I have 110,000 miles on that car! Amazing!! I can't possibly replace it though. I also applied for a handicap sticker for my car while on chemo... in 2002, they dated it valid through 2008 and I laughed, telling them they were much more hopeful than I was! Well, I'm going to see 2008 AND I'm going to get it RENEWED! Funny, the things we find to celebrate, huh?? I just celebrated my 6th years since diagnosis.... which is a true miracle, since my prognosis was 6-8 MONTHS!!

Just keep celebrating!

Sent by Lori Monroe | 11:09 AM ET | 09-20-2007

Leroy,

I'm sure that you'll look terrific. As for my upcoming markers:

Another fall when I get to plant more daffodill bulbs. You know, a yard can never have too many daffodil bulbs, come spring!

Ditto on all comments about shoes :-)

And, planning for my parents' 50th wedding anniversary party this December.

Sent by Sheara | 11:09 AM ET | 09-20-2007

Being a ferry boat commuter from the island in to Seattle everyday, hooded coats are a must here in the Pacific NW, and just last week I treated myself to a beautiful new coat. I???m praying I live to see it get as wonderfully worn out as the one it replaced. And as one who loves gardening, I think of my life in terms of flower seasons. Late last year when I had my mastectomy I wrote in my journal: Will I live to the lilacs? Now I???m trying for yet another season of blooms.
Have a great time at your event, Leroy. Loved your blog today. Thanks for all the joy your words bring to all of us.

Sent by Bonita | 11:26 AM ET | 09-20-2007

Leroy, Oh my, you really know how to hurt a guy! I hadn't thought about my prom, well in quite a long time. It was my wife and I at our first real date. We still have the picture tucked away in an album somewhere. It was a Blue Jacket to go with her Blue dress. And believe me for a Football player, it was a difficult thing to do.
You make me so happy with the memories you conjure. The sadness comes from what we all are dealing with, and how much longer will I be here to recall that wonderful memory. By the way, it will be 43 years married in a couple of months. "Thanks for the Momories". Stan

Sent by Stan Wozniak | 11:41 AM ET | 09-20-2007

Leroy,

You said "our time may be limited". Well, yes it is. Meanwhile, have a ball in your updated tux.

Sent by Diana Kitch | 11:49 AM ET | 09-20-2007

Hi Leroy,
I bet you were handsome in that ruffled shirt and blue tux jacket and the girls were happy to be in your company!
I hope you have a great time wearing your new shirt.
The fashion mavens certainly do pull our chains. I look back at some pictures and wonder "what was I thinking?".
A few years back a long time friend told me I look better now than I did in high school. My first thought was "wow, I must have looked really bad back then".
Charlotte in Temecula

Sent by Charlotte Kewish | 12:38 PM ET | 09-20-2007

Leroy> You must be my life-partner's age! I know he has at least one prom photo in a Blue Tux. Although maybe it was a geographic thing as much as an era thing? At any rate, no apology necessary!

Our time _is_ limited; those reminders are precious. Enjoy the daylights out of your Event!

Sheara> Couldn't agree more about the daffodils. Our 'gyardening' evidences belief in our tomorrows. *nods*

Re buying clothes: Since the dx, I've gained, lost and regained 20 lbs; side effects all of us are aware of. Hospital pants, t-shirts, and other loose-fitting, expandable clothing is fortunately in supply, so I don't need to deal with _those_ particular shopping demons.

Art> Today when we were leaving the clinic following our first rad Booster Treatment, we walked out through the Revolving Door. It's one of those huge doors that are automated, and I've never liked the 'feel' of using it. Fortunately there's a manual door nearby...

But today, for some reason, it beckoned us through, and we passed a familiar face coming through the door from the other side. The metaphors about bowled me over, and then I came home to read your post. Thanks for that!

Terri> I agree with Vicky; you turn a lovely phrase!

Lastly, I agree with Lori: we don't celebrate enough!

What will you celebrate today??

*raises a tall glass of iced water*

HEALthy Cheers!!

-dp

Sent by dp | 1:01 PM ET | 09-20-2007

Hmmm, you mean your tux didn't match your dates dress, oh good grief, what a mistake. I don't know Leroy, and they still went with you. :)

You know, I work in scrubs, I love scrubs, I just can't wear scrubs absolutely everywhere. But then again, maybe I can. My problem is I don't alot of choices for clothes or shoes (of course, had God wanted me in shoes I would have born in them). I need to get out and shop for 1 functional, practical skirt, dress, and pair for flat shoes.

I am sure you will absolutely dapper in your tux. :)

Sent by Sue Chap | 1:21 PM ET | 09-20-2007

Dear Leroy and All,

I've been really down lately, watching my Mother - she has two more sessions of chemo, her hands are peeling, she's staggering around, and feeling like absolute hell - but reading today's posts gave me so much hope and such an uplift in spirit. What a group of terrific, courageous, wonderful people you ALL are. I'm so proud for each of you that you are going on with life in your own way... buying new cars, new clothes, and shoes, planning major events and NEVER letting cancer (with a small c) dictate what you are going to do with your life. Defy the beast, until your last breath, that's what I say! And Leroy, fashion is a bunch of hooey - they tell us to wear short skirts this year, then tell us to wear long ones the next - just to keep us buying new stuff. What would happen to the fashion industry if we all just decided we looked just fine in what we had and we'd wear it till it wore out? Having said that, I can identify with the blue tux. My husband has a field day with some of my pictures from grade school - of course his aren't any better!

Have fun at your event, you and Laurie. I bet you'll look like a million bucks!

God Bless You All! and thank you for your courage. You inspire me.

Connie E.

Sent by Connie E. | 1:35 PM ET | 09-20-2007

Hey Leroy,
I rediscovered my tux...I lost so much weight I could fit the 30 inch waist again.
I am now trolling events where black tie is the fashion of choice...couple of pretty good free meals!!

Sent by Robert W | 1:36 PM ET | 09-20-2007

Good afternoon Leroy,
After reading your blog I do believe you grew up in my era...."DISCO"....loved those ruffles, big hair and Saturday Night Fever moves. A-h-h-h, you are bringing back some very good memories. You keep that ruffled shirt because I think you will be wearing it again. Just think, you will be on the dance floor under the disco ball, making some sweet moves to the tunes of the Bee Gees. Thanks Leroy for that "groovy" memory. Love and Hugs to all.

Sent by Teresa in WV | 2:06 PM ET | 09-20-2007

I bet the two girls you took to the prom thought you looked very handsome~~maybe you can post the pics one day~ I try not to look at mine : )

Sent by Robin T | 2:17 PM ET | 09-20-2007

hey leroy,

Blue is better than mint green, with white shoes. YIKES!!! Of course, we thought we looked absolutely dignified and all James Bondesque. (is that a word?) I have always slotted things into those superfluous end dates. It used to be the half and half container. Whatever race i was training for, would the cream would still be good before or after the race; or the english muffins; anything trivial and with a date had to be put into some kind of time context. I think that it helped put me to ease and lessened the impact or significance or fear of the upcoming event; realizing that all things around me wontinue on their own journeys. I think that is just our m.o. It does and did have a greater significance when I was going through treatment. Again, I think it helped me to get through those difficult times by attempting to lessen its impact on my life. (An example: I may be in treatment another 2weeks, but this cream doesn't expire for 3weeks after! I can beat that!) Something like that.

Personally, I think you'll be around long enough to see that shirt come back into fashion again and again. At least your tux wasn't mint green.
Stay safe, stay strong

Sent by Lance Carlson | 2:20 PM ET | 09-20-2007

Thank you all, today I have been sad and alittle down. These posts have made me fell alots better. Thanks again God bless

Sent by David White | 2:22 PM ET | 09-20-2007

And here you are!!! Have a wonderful time buying that new shirt!

Sent by Suzanne Lindley | 2:31 PM ET | 09-20-2007

Dear Leroy,

I have not read the blog for a couple of days.........came down with a virus. I was expecting to hear some positive news. Sorry that the scans did not come out as anticipated.

As always, my prayers to you and Laurie.

Sent by sasha | 2:33 PM ET | 09-20-2007

Speaking of marking time - today is my two year survivor anniversary for my breast cancer, and coincidentally, the date of my yearly follow-up mammogram on my remaining breast (someone at UNC has a weird sense of humor!) It felt like tempting fate to have my mammogram today, but I'm happy to report that for now, anyway, the fates/karma/God is with me, and all is good. I don't think anyone in my family or circle of friends knows about today's significance to me - it's not generally something that you run around telling people, and it's kind of a scary reminder for my family - but I knew that this blog was the right place to share how happy I am today to still be here.

Sent by Gretchen Hoag | 2:59 PM ET | 09-20-2007

Dear Leroy and friends,
I was born in Yugoslavia and came to the US as a 14 yr old girl. I am 48 now and was diagnosed with breast cancer two years ago. I have a large, extended family in (I can't even say Yugoslavia, because it doesn't exist any more) Serbia and I hadn't seen them in 17 yrs. I have wanted to go for a very long time, but something always seemed to come up. This summer, I went. My sister, my 3 children, my niece and nephew came with me. It was a glorious month long, journey. We talked and cried with our relatives, all of us full of stories. My children loved it and were so moved to fit in with this family they knew only from our stories. Then we came back to the US and I got to take my youngest son to register for his first year of high school. And that same weekend, my husband and I celebrated our 25th anniversary. So many important markers! It's been a wonderful summer.

Sent by Liliana | 3:18 PM ET | 09-20-2007

Hey Sue - The fashion right now is flats for women - ballet type flats - and they feel like slippers! How much better can it get!

Sent by Vicky (NY) | 3:43 PM ET | 09-20-2007

Hi Leroy,
I'm sorry to hear the tumors have grown a bit.
I was out gardening this morning and looking at everything wondering to myself if I will be here next year to see the flowers bloom.....
Carolynn

Sent by Carolynn Dubicki | 3:55 PM ET | 09-20-2007

Beth Morrison...

I read your post, twice, and my heart filled with tears. My own cancer is in remission, and showing only very, very slow progression. Perhaps it is partly my own good fortune that causes me to be so touched by your post and your situation.

Beth, I am not much on prayer, but please know that the love and the feelings that fill my heart are somehow coming your way. I suspect that is true for many others in this cancer family. Can you feel it, Beth? I hope so...

Sent by Norm Shockley | 4:16 PM ET | 09-20-2007

My Prom date wore a blue Tux jacket and black pants too!!! I thought that he looked HOT. (they were bell bottom tux pants) My father didn't share my enthusiasm and almost made me stay home.

Now for a general question out to anyone in "Cancer land" What do you think is an appropriate time frame for notification of PET scan or CT scan results?? a week?? two?? the next day?? I'm curious.
Our Oncologist got the results within the hour of the PET scan, we called a week later having not received them --and had them FAX ed over to us- no MD interface. Good new/bad news--the results were not good. so now what. But I think that we should have been called with the results and possible a plan??? So I'm confused or are we over-anxioux??.

Sent by Deb | 4:37 PM ET | 09-20-2007

Dear Leroy and Others,

There was an article in today's Wall Street Journal newspaper (see link below) that may provide a lesson for each of us. That includes those with cancer and those without. Maybe we should all write our "Final Speech." And then, as we age, we can refine or re-write it.

For those that are interested, I'd suggest reading the article and then watching the online video.

Article: A Beloved Professor Delivers the Lecture of a Lifetime

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB119024238402033039.html?mod=home_personal_journal_left

Regards,

Ed Steger
www.hncancer.blogspot.com

Sent by Ed Steger | 6:20 PM ET | 09-20-2007

Vicky and dp;

Thanks! Actually, today I wore what my husband calls my "sexy" shoes; they are a pair of Nikes I got for fund raising for the Komen Race for the Cure.

Take care.

Sent by Teri Thomas | 6:54 PM ET | 09-20-2007

No Tux for our Prom...1966/67...too small of a town to worry about renting a Tux back then, but the guys did wear suits. A lot cheaper than sending my son to the Prom, also, but then the parents also drove many of us!

Like Lisa & Vicky, shoes are my thing. Some where in my life, I was told you had to buy them two pairs at a time and I have certainly kept up with that rule.

Was in a shoe store Monday looking at sale items when I saw some "earth shoes". I made a remark about still having my "originals" when the young clerk said she still had hers, too. I had to laugh because I meant the "real originals" from 1975 bought in a real "Earth Shoe" store in Denver and I knew her parents weren't even born then.

As I look at them now, they are pure ugly!!! They had Reverse heels which made your leg calf hurt something awful for days after you wore them and then hurt again when you went back to your heels. Lately, every shoe hurts and I haven't had on high heels for a long long time. That's hard on a short person.

Wish you all good thoughts and good scans.

Nikki

Sent by Nikki | 7:34 PM ET | 09-20-2007

Dear Leroy,
I am in remission for Hodgkin's. I started referring to my time with an active tumor as something in the past tense. It seems like a different lifetime. Today is the 1 year anniversary of my first chemo. I can't believe that I have had a few waves of nauseau just recalling last year. I guess the good thing is that I believe it's in the past. But there are those times when I wonder if I will last....like when I think about investing in more education, will I be around to put it to use? Or when I went for a follow up visit to my dr. and asked about having a baby. He proposed, in a very politically correct way, the consideration of the risk that that child would grow up without a mother. That brought me back to reality. But, after a few tears I floated back into a happy forgetfulness. I hope you have a very pleasurable black tie evening!

Beth

Sent by Beth | 8:38 PM ET | 09-20-2007

So here I am reading and loving all these wonderful posts....and just getting home from our open house/dedication of our new cancer center. I am in tears...just overwhelmed with the emotion that goes along with working in the Cancer World....and I miss my Dad who passed in July from cancer...you all are the best....blessings to you all!!

Sent by Karen | 9:58 PM ET | 09-20-2007

For over a year I have eagerly read your postings every day. I lost my fater to prostrate cancer in Sept. 05. My sister is a seven year survivor of breast cancer and my brother was diagnoised with stage IV pancreatic cancer 18 months ago. After exhausting all tradition chemo treatments with little success we took my brother to Basel, Switzerland for radioactive injections which have shrunk the tumors significantly. Not only have the treatments given him a little extra time he is feeling so much better. Much improvement on his quality of life. He achieved a milestone just a few weeks ago, a dream we all had for him. He took his youngest child to her first day of kindergarten. We are so grateful for this. Now we have our sights set on his son's high school graduation in two years. We are always, always hopeful. Thank you for your writings. They are insightful and touching. Today's was especially so. You see, my husband(Buddy Sbicca) attended high school with you at SMHS...class of 73! He too attended both proms. So here you are 34 years later with mutual history and connected unbeknowst to you by this blog. We pray that you and your family, our family and the entire "My Cancer" family has many more milestones ahead of us. PS Buddy says he can remember the blue tux. He thought his might have been yellow!

Sent by Penny Coeur d'Alene, Idaho | 10:14 PM ET | 09-20-2007

Deb-
Your question struck a nerve.
You are not over anxious. What happened to you is outrageous. Your oncologist should be sitting down with you to explain your scan results and discuss a treatment plan. To learn "not good" results by fax is not acceptable. Unfortunately, your experience is not uncommon. Under our present system the delivery of cancer care for most patients is not equal or consistent. For example, under her health plan, my friend's oncologist will sit beside her with open records to explain scan results and answer any questions, always patiently attentive to her needs. The picture is very different at my HMO. After waiting the requisite couple of weeks to call, I receive scan results by phone from a chemo nurse. Here, there is an unspoken code. If the chemo nurse will not give me results, but instead refers me to my oncologist, then, I know the scan is "bad news". This is a terrible system which engenders unnecessary anxiety among patients. (I think it was designed by a sadist.) The last time a chemo nurse told me to call my oncologist because she could not give me CT scan results my heart sank. Then, my oncologist did not call me back. After two sleepless nights I prevailed upon the nurse to give me the information. Finally, she read the computer report to me. There was no careful explanation of the meaning of the results, no attention to my extreme fear. And, my oncologist never responded. I dread going through this process again for my next scans. What an awful way to treat traumatized cancer patients. I ask the perennial question, where is the compassion? Why can't we all have the superior care that my better insured friend receives? We have to fix this cruel and inconsistent, broken health care system. Do you think that things would change if research revealed that providing excellent care to everyone would be cost effective?

Quoting Dr. Martin Abeloff, recently deceased chief oncologist at Johns Hopkins, "You simply can't treat cancer without paying attention to the psychological and social aspects of the disease."
We lost one of the good doctors.

Sent by E.H. | 4:38 AM ET | 09-21-2007

blue ruffles! awesome

Sent by nicole | 1:29 PM ET | 09-21-2007

EH writes:

We have to fix this cruel and inconsistent, broken health care system.

I hope no one thinks it'll be fixed with a universal health plan - that will only make things worse.

Sent by GT | 7:16 PM ET | 09-21-2007

I was diagnosed with an Astrocytoma grade IV brain tumour just over a month ago and at the moment even bying underwear can be painful, Why buy the expensive stuff when I just don't know?

Sent by Ian Gardiner-Smith | 2:52 PM ET | 09-24-2007

It's not just a disease like cancer that makes one think of the "lifetime supply." Age also does that. I have probably bought my last sofa, last refrigerator, and box of toothpicks.

Sent by Marilyn Trujillo | 11:28 PM ET | 09-24-2007