It's the little things that mark the line between a good day and a bad.
I cleaned up today. That was good. Tomorrow I get a semi-permanent IV line because I have to be on antibacterials for weeks to come.
The thing that bums me out the most is that we can't have our traditional Halloween party. I know that's bad news.
9:30 AM ET | 10-25-2007 | permalink
you can leave your superman costume on anyway!! God Bless!
I feel your pain on the Halloween deal. I am known for my outrageous constumes and amazing transformations on the holiday. I missed it last year because I was in the hospital with a crash cart outside my door. I'm missing it this year because radiation knocked out my thyroid and I don't feel well enough yet to party. Yet. I will be kicking butt for Thanksgiving though. And this year I won't be bald! Well, truth be known, I looked damn good in my scarf last year so I can't complain.
So glad you cleaned up. Have someone carve you a pumpkin and give you a mask to at least wear on Halloween. Then, set your sites on Thanksgiving.
One day at a time.
Hugs,
Lori
Leroy,
Good to hear from you. Keep moving forward. We are with you and Laurie.
I was a little panicked when I checked in this morning and no Leroy. An IV line is a pain but well make things easier in the long run. I had my pre-op appointment yesterday and they left two nasty bruised where they drew blood. My surgery is scheduled for Tuesday Oct 30th. Then we will know if the breast cancer is non-invasive and my lymph nodes are affected. I hope everyone will keep me in their thoughts (Unitarian version of prayers)
Ah, cleaning up really does alot to boost the spirits indeed. Ok, a traditional Halloween party is out, how about a nontraditional one, go as a patient?
Glad things are on an upswing, just don't swing too high.
Hey Leroy,
I bet your friends would come later dressed up for a halloween party when you're better so you don't miss the fun! Praying hard.
Good Morning Leroy,
Just think though, next year you can throw the biggest, best Halloween Party ever. For now let's TRICK that old cancer so you can have some TREATS in the future. We love ya Laurie and Leroy.
Leroy,
Just a hi and a "boo". I have a physics test today I'd rather forget about, but, well, it's for the best.
Ask for the orange pumpkin and ghost band-aids.
Hi Leroy,
I have noticed that when I walk a very long path, even the smallest of stones can eventually become painful to walk upon.
Before I went into remission with my leukemia, these "smaller stones" were my focus as I walked through my illness. For me, it brought a new definition to the phrase "rock climbing".
Be well.
Leroy: Think of you daily and wanted you to know you give me the strenght to trudge on. (although I don't think I could go through what you have been through) Your blog starts my day. I hope so much you are on the mend. Enough is enough RIGHT. d.Maloy KC
Stay strong, stay connected, I know you are. Love and blessings to you and Laurie.
Was so touched by posts from Stephanie D. and Sasha too. Bruce and Nikki it's good to hear from you too. Sasha I think of you a lot, as the memories of my husband's illness and death are always there. I still miss him a lot and it's been 8 yrs now. He will never leave my heart. Stay strong and peaceful. You are loved. from Sherri in Texas, BC dx 4-06
Leroy,
I've been reading your blog but this is my first comment. I think the Halloween party needs to come to you. There is so much to celebrate in life, especially when a person like you exemplies such strength and grace. You are an inspiration. Stay strong.
Leroy & Laurie,
I've been checking in on you for so many months now but haven't posted yet. Today is the day, I guess.
I send my love and hope and strength and comfort to both of you. I hope you feel the love of this community surrounding you.
I was diagnosed with a lung tumor over 6 years ago. It was a surprise to everyone because I was too young to lose a lung, but I did. Cancer wasn't what really hit me hard... it was the infections and surgeries that followed, a complication called a "bronchopleural fistula", which meant that I have a hole in my chest. Sometimes I'm sure it is going to heal any day now. Other times I'm sure I'm going to suffer with it for the rest of my life. But that's on bad days. I'm always amazed at the power of my body to heal... of my spirit to heal, too.
A recent post mentioned the difference between "last" and "latest" surgery. I hold a hope for you that it was your last surgery. I realize where you're sitting right now, that probably just doesn't seem possible. I hold that hope for myself, trusting in my body to heal, knowing that anything is possible. Most of all, I practice trust.
Blessings of love and healing light on both of you...
Just think, Leroy, you'll have a whole year to plan the next Halloween event.
I saw David Sedaris perform last evening and laughed till it hurt. Wish you could have been there, laughing along with the rest of us. Today I wish for you a day of gentle healing.
Oh no!!! No Halloween party at Leroy's! I think your yard needs to be gnomed again!
Old Intern Fall '03
It's good to hear you are feeling a bit better after reading about all you've been through recently. I'm a podcast listener who hasn't visited the site until today, but as I was downloading other podcasts I thought, "Hey, I haven't heard from Leroy in awhile," so I visited the site. Keep those positive thoughts coming!
Leroy- Glad to hear you're feeling a little better. See if someone there will massage your feet for you, someone who knows what he/she is doing. That is the best, if you are up to it with the surgery and all.
Hi Leroy,
I remember how good that first hospital cleanup feels after days of semi-sponge baths. I'm sorry that your Halloween party was ripped from you. That must be a real bummer for you. On the other hand, a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do....so, do keep busy kicking a$$ with those antibacterials.
A pic line - just another one of the experiences that we share. The up side is that you will be able to leave the hospital because of it.
Why are you going to miss the party? Do you not expect to be home by then?
So who says you can't have a Halloween Party in November or December. When my niece was in the hospital preparing for her second bone marrow transplant, we had a Halloween party in the beginning of September in a corner of the cafeteria. We decorated, wore costumes and bobbed for apples. We had fun and so did Kir before she started her isolation in the bone marrow ward. Who says you can only celebrate a holiday when everyone else does. Be a rebel.
Best wishes are coming your way.
How about an "Untraditional" Halloween Party... Maybe a virtual? party.?
Yes, it is the little things - but maybe you can try to turn this around just a bit. First question is why can't you have the party? My hubby was on antibacs for a couple of months while in the hospital/LTAC facility and they never restricted his visitors. If you're not up to a full-blown party, maybe you could just scale it down; shorten the time, cut back the number of attendees, etc. You know, you could have the makings for a great costume ... crazed patient ... make a sleeve for your IV bag with worms & bugs & spiders coming out of it ... wear a hospital gown & purchase one of those fake butts to have hanging out of it ... wear those lovely hospital socks they give you.
You've overcome so many things, Leroy - don't let this one get you down. Time to make lemonade, my friend.
Leroy-
Glad to see your words on the page! My son missed Halloween last year due to his treatment, but fortunately was at a Children's Hospital that knows the importance of that holiday. This year, hopefully celebrating the previous-day's MRI scan of "cancer-free", my little one will dress as a duck and parade proudly around the neighborhood -- with momma and daddy duck not far behind.
Here's to future costumes and candy for you!
How about a nontraditional Halloween party then?
You sound pretty spunky for someone who just fot out of the ICU. That's a good sign, I think. Now let the healing begin!
I hope this turns out to be a good day for you and you can come home soon.
Your are right, sometimes it only takes one thing to make a good day. My daughter just called from school. She made a 94 on her biology test. She worked hard and I love her!
My prayers are with you and everyone here. God bless!
Hot diggity! Cleaned up feels so good! And Leroy, just reschedule the Halloween party for whenever you and Laurie are through this recovery period and feeling like a party. The real party in my heart is that you are coming along so well. Like that song I love says, "every rod's a gain, and there's victory in every quarter mile." Your body is expending energy in mealing itself now. Once that goal is well in hand, you'll have more energy for regaining strength. You are operating from such a strong foundation, Leroy. Celebrate that and congratulate your body and spirit for their remarkable resilience in the face of a rapid fire sequence of challenges. Celebrating with you and hoping you can find some Halloween glee in this year's different circumstances. Thank you for the view from the front. We stand with you through thick and thin as a kind of invisible "e-posse". Onward! with your fierce/wise journey
Leroy~ I hate Halloween, in fact I hate the entire month of October each year. Soon it will be over and I know that life will improve for us all.
Our son was born and two days later-died- in October. I remember lying in my bed at the hospital, years ago, hearing the children trick & treating outside the hospital and crying my eyes out because "our little boy would never be able to trick or treat". Can you imagine? What thoughts go through our minds when we are heartbroken and depressed.
Please Leroy, fight the depression. November is right around the corner and things will improve. Plan for a REAL THANKSGIVING! We shall all be thankful that you are still with us and best of all, thinking and writing to us still!
God Bless!
Leroy - i'm sending you a big hug.
Leroy,
I get it about "the little things." The little things amass into a big thing. Cancer cuts a person down by millimeters. Many people don't notice the little things, but you do because you are very sensitive to them. Sorry about the Halloween party - let's shoot for Thanksgiving!
Hi Leroy,
It' great that you are well enough to get "cleaned up." That always feels good.
Maybe a smaller version of your Halloween party can come to you. I'm already planning and looking forward to a very big Thanksgiving dinner.
Now I need to keep focused on all of the things in my life I have to be thankful for. You are one of them.
Oh......a shower........I remember how good that felt after 14 days without one when I had drains in post-mastectomies.....I never take a shower without just "soaking" up the feel of it!!!
So glad you're finding little things to count as accomplishments and milestones....
I think a Halloween party the end of November would be a blast - Leroy, after all you've been thru, I bet your friends would love to celebrate Halloween late with you!!!
take care and love and prayers to you and Laurie.......
Yes you can!! Have a virtual Halloween party- you can go as the Incredible Spinal Man!
Take care.
So true. It's the little things that get you through. A good meal, a good song on the radio, a smile from a stranger. Think about having that masquerade party for New Year's Eve! Wishing you a speedy recovery. My thoughts are with you every day.
Halloween parties are great, but with what you have been through lately, I vote for a virtual Thanksgiving party the day after Thanksgiving. We're all so glad you will be able to attend!
Great News,Leroy!! Sounds like progress to me! Sure Laurie will figure out a great Halloween for you!!!
Love to all my cancer family,
Betty Lewis
Hi Leroy - I've just had 2 glorious weeks in the Outer Banks only marred by meeting too many of your cancer world members. Like you, they were grabbing life's good moments and not giving in to the elephant in the room. My kudos to all of you. We will miss the Halloween party - how about planning for Mardi Gras instead! Looking forward to having you back home. best wishes to you and Laurie.
Leroy, You would have looked so dashing in your Spiderman outfit! Everyday is a challenge in it's own way. Hang in there. Stan
Glad things are slowly moving along.
I agree, do the nontraditional parte'- either later or at the hospital. You could put boxing gloves to show how you are one heck of a fighter. Laurie, could maybe be your cutwoman?
Hang in there :)
Holloween party...next year for sure! Plan on next year's party. It's good to think ahead, I think.
Leroy, you are amazing. Every time I have a pity party I think about you going through WAAAYYYY more and being such a survivor. You go! Happy Halloween!!!
Kirsten
So you have a Halloween party next year. It will be be on a Friday, and it will be the best Halloween bash you have ever had. No one will have to get up for work the next day.
Something to look forward to. Something to start planning now.
Hang in there. You both are in my thoughts and prayers.
Dear Leroy,
It is amazing how much my mother's cancer experience mirrors yours, from the way it began to the way it has progressed. She's now in the hospital with "an infection". When I left she was getting ready to have a sponge bath and get her bed changed. I've spent the day there, and have even more respect for you and Laurie, and the WEEKS now that you have been in and out of the hospital with one crisis after another. Who needs Halloween this year? It's been scary enough already! That said, it's my daughter's favorite holiday, so I've got to keep going for her and do the whole shebang, although I'm in absolutely no mood for it. After reading JCR's post, I'm just grateful to have a daughter. I am so sorry for the loss of your son. I don't know how you coped with that, or the people who have children with cancer. That seems so unbearably cruel. My heart goes out to you. Really puts things into perspective. We can't ignore our other loved ones, while one of us is in the midst of a crisis. Wishing healing, peace and comfort to everyone.
Good Afternoon Leroy, Laurie and All,
Leroy, I bet that was a great shower!! We actually had a shower here in Charlotte this morning and it was actual RAIN!! So we are celebrating with you.
Don't worry too much about that IV line, you will hardly notice it after the soreness leaves the insertion incision. I have had a port in my chest for over a year now. The only thing that I can't do is a big back swing while bowling. But that gives me an excuse for my lower scores!
I'm sorry about the missing Halloween Party. Maybe you and Laurie can toast in Halloween with some Cancy Corn and a hope that next year is going to be so much better! A party twice as big and NO CANCER CELLS ALLOWED!!
Laurie, I hope some calm days ahead and a chance to regroup. Peaceful walks, gentle hugs and sunshine on your path for both you and Leroy.
Dianne in DC., Our thoughts and prayers will certainly be with you for successful breast surgery on the 30th and good news that there will be no node envolvement. Please keep us up to date when you are able.
To All, HAPPY TRAILS, filled with moments of FUN, Lots of LOVE and just enough MISCHIEF to keep things interesting! God Bless!!
Eileen Pruyne
Charlotte, NC.
You have gone from a crisis situation to a chronic situation. It has its own kind of stress--not knowing how long something is going to go on and having little losses that are cumulative. Choose some outlet that brings you happiness. You deserve it!
Hooray for baths! In all of the short times I have been in the hospital, I was always thrilled to wash off the hospital funk. The most irritating thing to me is bits of adhesive left on the skin. Ugh!!!
Here's hoping some Halloween fun comes your way, one way or another!!!
It's a good day when the thing that bugs you is the fact that you can't have your traditional Halloween party!! Keep getting better.
Well my friend, when you find yourself in the fire - just keep your head down and continue marching forward as there is no other way to come through to the other side. And that you will.
Maybe you can dress up the turkey and have the Halloween party at Thanksgiving! You are an inspiration to me, Leroy. You and Laurie are in my thoughts and prayers.
Susan Anderson, 2-yr breast cancer survivor
Greetings from Holland, Leroy! No more positive vibes from Belgium, as we are in the process of resettling in Italy. You've been in my thoughts for the long 6 weeks when I had no internet access and I was saddened to hear about this latest setback. I missed reading all the amazing messages from the special people who write with such sensitivity and affection, and often humor. May the pain subside and may restful nights return.
Hi Leroy ~
Loved that you got cleaned up today
Tomorrow are you getting the Pic line or the other line?
Good luck with it.
You can have your Halloween party after Halloween...Sometimes it's more fun:)
Leroy and Laurie ~
You are both in my prayers.
Hugs,
Tina
THANK YOU for the effort you spent in creating today's message. It's wonderful to read - your sense of humor and thusly the real you comes through and is a treat for each reader. Keep going!
Thank you Connie E for your concerns.Yes life can be cruel but we must go on and look ahead. Let's look forward to Thanksgiving for all we have to be grateful for. What is Halloween but an excuse to dress up like a bunch of little kids?
Leroy is hanging in there through so much pain but his persistence helps us all cope. He has brought an awful lot of good, caring people together here!
Leroy, I am sorry to hear about your Halloween party. I think that was one of the hardest things about treatment - the things you have to miss. I missed a big halloween party one year that I really wanted to go to, and countless other events during chemo and radiation. Sometimes tho it can help you appreciate even the smallest things. Maybe this year it can just be a private halloween party with you and Laurie to celebrate getting through the past few weeks. And being able to be together. And when you are feeling better, well who says you can't throw a costume/late Halloween party this winter? This is one of those "new normals" that I hate about cancer. Hang in there.
Leroy: Halloween is way over rated!!
Seemed from the very beginning of being a Mom, it was the worst. Oldest kid wanted to be Oscar the Grunch, so I made the costume only to have him decide the last minute to be Superman. Every year after that, it was about the same with last minute changes, too tired, etc.
You'd thought I would have learned about the "make your own, but youngest did almost the same thing. Remember dressing up myself when he was 10 thinking we could go together and have fun only to have him refuse to leave the house with me "looking like that" Ha. Now I feel like I "look like that" on a regular basis! I was the Wendy's hamburger girl...in real life, no red hair, however. Burge always reminded me to wait until last minute every year after that and pick simple solutions for the boys...like face paint and Camo which they already had.
Glad you got to clean up. Burge always said that was the only good thing about the hospital...it made you appreciate a good shower.
Keeping you in my hopes and prayers.
Nikki
Elaine/Bruce: A little late on the yesterday's post, but it has been busy. I'm still running from facing my loss, but at least once a day, it catches up.
I never realized how much Burge did for me around the house until I have to get someone else to do it. While he was sick, we started projects, but left them to spend time together. They are still all there, the roof still leaks, etc. but I wouldn't trade one minute I spent with him instead of worrying about the leaks.
I'm lucky, I have my two sons. Mark is running our farm and today a crop insurance agent told us that he was better organized than some of her 20 year clients. She said he had obviously learned much from his dad. Mark just turned 23, has to do all the labor, supervise an employee and make major decisions which will effect the income of three families. Burge certainly did his job.
The youngest, Scott at 15 has decided to take over Dad's job as Mom's protector. It's fun to see him dictate to me what he thinks is important and what is not. He is just learning to drive, so I have to go everywhere with him. Getting a new "used" car, however, brought on the tears as he wanted his Dad to see it.
To all caregivers out there, and Bruce too, as long as you are doing things in love, you are doing the "right thing". I'm not sure we even know what is right and what is not as the cancer usually does what it wants. Please don't second guess yourselves. Even with my grief, I don't regret anything we did unless it was not spending more time together between the first go round and the second.
You are loved, even if it comes all the way from the beyond. I listened to a great book on tape called "The Five People You Meet In Heaven". Sorry I don't have the author, but he also wrote "Tuesday's with Mory" It is a little close to home, but shows how everyone of us is connected to the others and how we can change lives even when we don't know it. I recommend it if you have time. Won't be able to get through all this without my books-on-tape from my local library. It keeps the "stewing about things" from taking over.
Nikki
I hear you about Halloween. Have never gotten too old for it. Would love to carve you a pumpkin and visit in my tree costume. I wear it to work. Let em laugh. So glad to read your post and that you keep us in your thoughts. My husband is fighting the "C" too. He's resilient and funny but would never write a blog, so I'm always happy to read what you have to say. Your friends in Spokane.
Somewhere this week I read the line, "you can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." I like that. You've become a super surfer, Leroy. Keep riding.
Dear Leroy,
As always, wishing you the best and hoping for a speedy recovery. Today was a long day at the chemo center and as you can see by the time of this posting, sleep is no longer a friend to me.
Sorry about your halloween party, but I'm sure you will have a blast next year.
Prayers to you, Laurie and this wonderful blog family.
Sorry about your party. We haven't even put up any decorations yet either. But next year will be better for all of us. Prayers to you and Laurie and all of your family.
Leroy, The most well-meaning, supportive, and loving people will tell you to haul in your friends and laugh (ARRRGHH) a lot! Please forgive their innocence. With luck, they will never have to experience the mind-shattering pain, the malaise leaning toward depression, the feelings of rage, the feeling of itnense guilt ABOUT feeling rage! In my experience, the lack of privacy becomes a big deal after so many hospital adventures. And especially forgive those who don't understand that you may NOT be home by Halloween, and that even if you were there'd be no party. Given the newly-treated massive infection you've had, the fewer people around you the better. Just for now. Can you watch home videos of other years? Visitors are limited, but not cards and letters - brought all at once near the Halloween day. It's STILL UP TO YOU! Here's a time for telling 'em what YOU want! Leroy, this is my wish for you - many treats; NO more tricks. No Boos, no Boo-hoos on at least this one day.
From Kathy
This just means that NEXT year you will have your party! Start planning it now, because you will be the first to arive, Leroy! Health and all.
hi leroy, so so glad that you are getting a touch stronger and hanging on! the permanent iv is not so bad - i had that due to a non-related cancer infection - it worked! so sorry about halloween. my daughter thinks it is the MAJOR HOLIDAY - and she also is missing it this year - but make up for it with good holidays for the rest of the year PLEASE G-D. prayers and positive thoughts are with you - you are so incredible.
Jan
A lovely message "Nikki". You sound like a very loving, focused, person yourself. Yes you are so fortunate to have those boys and I was moved by your wishing their father could see him. He does, you know. I remember the part in T. Wilder's "My Town" where she cries out for everyone to stop and look at each other! We are so busy living every day, that we fail to stop, think, and truly "drink each other in" while we are together. Nikki, you seem to cherish your memories.
Leroy and Laurie,
I am so touched by the amount of caring and love this blog has brought to all of us. So many of us want to have that positiveness and humor(oh such beautiful humor)you have especially going through all you have gone through
so many, many thanks ...for all YOU BOTH have given us.
Happy Halloween..my dear people
Dear Leroy, Why don't you have your Halloween come to you. Don't feel too bad about the IV line, I have had one for a couple of years now and when I wanted it out the doctor said no and he was right. You are making progress and that's what counts. Keep up the good work and complain all you want as it just shows healing. GOD Bless.
Dear Nikki,
How proud you are of your sons, and rightfully so. You and Burge did a wonderful job of raising them. I agree with J.C.R. . . Burge is seeing the new car and beaming!
~ Margo Gerber
good news. you are home, hurray. you will eat better, sleep better, feel better. last you wrote bout strength. and here you are home god is good. all of our prayers and good wishes are working for you. soooo big deal, you have a walker, be grateful you have it so that you can be more independent. it is a temporary thing. you will soon not need it. perhaps we need to learn more patience. we cannot do it alone right now. you know we just have the gift of today. sooooo, do what you have to do to enjoy it. prayers, thoughts, and well wishes to you leroy
thanks
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A Ted Koppel documentary focuses on his friend Leroy Sievers' "My Cancer" blog and the response it evokes.
My Cancer will be updated Monday through Friday with posts and commentaries from Leroy Sievers. A journalist for more than 25 years, Leroy has worked at CBS News and ABC News, where he was the executive producer at Nightline. You can follow his story through this blog, his weekly podcast and his monthly series on Morning Edition.
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