Leroy,
I can really relate to today's posting. I have been undergoing chemo since the end of August and I feel as though I will never be my previous self again. Trying to plan ahead is sometimes very difficult, who knows what lurks out there. I do know that there are many people who only hope for the best for you, and I know I have many friends who think the same for me. Hopefully, all their good wishes will mean a lot of happy times ahead.

Sent by Natalie | 10:20 AM ET | 11-05-2007

Leroy you will get to the new you soon enough. Give yourself time (and think back to when you didn't think you had such a thing as "time"...) and do not put yourself in a situation where you will be disappointed with your progress.
You will feel better, but most likely you will not feel as you had in the past, and you shouldn't expect to feel that way. That way is gone. The new you will feel fine, just let it happen.
Good luck.

Sent by Brit | 10:22 AM ET | 11-05-2007

Leroy,
Can you somehow accept what is without giving up? It seems like your energy is being drained by your perfectly understandable impatience to be better before you're better. My grandmother taught me that when I didn't feel good I should go to bed and let my energy go to the healing process - whatever it was. I believe in that.

Sent by Diana Kitch | 10:31 AM ET | 11-05-2007

Dear Leroy,

I was worried about you this morning. I've checked the site at least three times, and you can't imagine my relief when I hear from YOU. Thank God. I can imagine that you've heard just about every anecdote, every "get well" wish you can possibly imagine by now, and you tell us the tide of love we all feel for you makes a difference. We can pray, we can send you our love, but it doesn't change the fact that you're still in pain, and still in an annoying place, as far as your recovery, however. You're had some devastating setbacks, and you're unsure of what is down the line. I'm sure you've already thought of this, but when it really gets tough, think of your soldier buddies, sleeping in the sand and waking up every day to the threat of instant death by a sniper or a roadside bomb. Think of those paralyzed, or seriously injured, who will be missing limbs or eyes the rest of their lives. Please understand that I am not minimizing your suffering, because it is hell, pure hell, but there are many who won't have a meal today, or a bed tonight and who will be in pain without benefit of any drug or assistance, and it helps me sometimes to think of them when I really get down and out. I wish there was some way for me to make a difference for them, and for all of us. It has become my Number 1 Priority. I'm asking God to lead me in the right direction.

Bless you today, and always.

Connie

Sent by Connie E. | 10:32 AM ET | 11-05-2007

Hello Leory,
I certainly hope it will not be "much longer" for you! I know how you feel. I am not in the pain and discomfort you are feeling. However, I had surgery in June of 2006. Since I came home from the hospital I have been getting daily IVs for hydration. I am so tired of it. I want this PIC line out of my arm before I move to Pennsylvania next month. Since I will have a change of doctors, insurance companies, etc. it may be awhile before I get medical care there.
Hang in there! I know you will make it one day, hour or minute at a time.
Charlotte in Temecula, CA

Sent by Charlotte Kewish | 10:40 AM ET | 11-05-2007

Hi Leroy,

Find a good book, lots of favorite movies, good popcorn too. Be patient because healing does take time.

Sent by Sue Chap | 10:41 AM ET | 11-05-2007

Dear Leroy, You are expressing exactly how I'm feeling today. My problems are not as severe as yours at this momement but I too wonder when will I feel better at least. Feeling like myself would be that I could mop the floor. Sounds stupid but that's a guide line for me. I'm an impatient patient also. When is my cough going to go away, does it mean I am sicker? Will get tests the end of this month to answer those questions. So now I have to patiently wait and do what the docs say. SOOOO, if it's any comfort to you there are other patients who are impatient too. Thanks for sharing your feelings. Keep the faith, we WILL get better.

Sent by Vicki (FL) | 10:51 AM ET | 11-05-2007

I quite often think of the ones who are no longer here when I read these cancer stories sent in. It is sort of like in school - somebody had to make it possible for others to be in the upper 10%. I just wish it wasn't Joe.

Sent by Irene | 10:56 AM ET | 11-05-2007

Being impatient is not all bad!! It is clearly an indication that you are getting better but not as quickly as you would like. If it is not too frustrating for you, each day look for the small things maybe even insignificant things that do illustrate for you that progress is being made. There will be some setbacks but as you periodically look in the rear view mirror, the really difficult days are hard to see as they blur into the distance you've traveled.

You may not ever feel like your old or former self again as you have stored in your mind's eye! BUT, you will feel better again, be able to function well again but you will feel different and be different. Remember what you've been through!!! Accommodation, assimilation and adaptation are our new best words to describe how we deal with the changes forced upon us by cancer. This is how we must deal with each new day and look for the small victories no matter how insignificant they may first appear to be.

The many good thoughts and prayers continue from your band of bloggers.

Sent by Al Cato | 11:01 AM ET | 11-05-2007

Yes Leroy find ways to keep your mind busy most of all take something for depression that will help you cope my hubby is under hospice now he takes one day at a time don???t give up until its over that what???s keeping my hubby here on earth he should have been gone 6 mo. Ago surprising to everyone when you got a willing spirit you can keep going

Sent by Carolyn | 11:01 AM ET | 11-05-2007

Dear Leroy,
I'm so sorry you're having to suffer this way. I've had a couple of loved ones go through similar periods, not due to cancer but with other terrible maladies. Time seemed to stand still, and they were so impatient to get back to normal -- and so afraid that would never happen. But it did. You can't control the speed of your body's healing and can't be positive what the outcome will be. So I guess there is no way around the uncertainty. That just has to be accepted. But at least to some small degree, I think you can choose where to focus your mind. I hope you can find something else to direct your thoughts to today, at least for a little while.(One of my favorite distractions is to pick up my binoculars and look outside, trying to identify every bird I see and writing down the date, time, description, behavior, etc. of that particular bird.)

I have been saying the Serenity Prayer every morning for myself -- now I'll say it for you, too.

Sent by Doris | 11:07 AM ET | 11-05-2007

It's easy to feel that things will take forever to improve... and it is during those times when I am most grateful for that most stultifying of inventions, the television! There is no better escape from physical discomfort and I have found that there is always a position to lie in that enables the habit (unlike reading- very uncomfortable when my body is weak)... so, what are you watching?

Sent by marian | 11:45 AM ET | 11-05-2007

Reading your post today brought to mind how much your situation is like being a prisoner of war. You are at the mercy of the enemy and being tortured. You have comrades who are also being held in the same prison. You support each other by passing messages back and forth in a code that only you and they can fully understand. Those with the power to free you are negotiating a truce and hoping the enemy will either retreat or be conquered by newer weapons in the arsenal. You and your fellow prisoners must remain firm in your determination to survive the imprisonment and torture. Future generations depend on how well you endure the torment and outlast the enemy. May you win not only this battle but also the war.

Sent by Ned Toknow | 12:00 PM ET | 11-05-2007

Dear Leroy

I know how hard it is to be patient. I had a hysterectomy for endometrial cancer 12 weeks ago today -- right now, in fact. A much smaller thing than you're experiencing. I've been impatient as well. Progress has been *glacial* or so it seems to me. I found the "wanting things to be different" has been the worst part. During the moments when I accept that things are different, that I am not the person I was before all this, but also that the person that I am now seems to be *ever so slowly* healing, then the waiting becomes a little easier to bear.

Sent by Carol | 12:09 PM ET | 11-05-2007

Welcome to another Monday! As I read your messages today, I couldn't help but wonder if what you are going through is not similar to the amazing nine months we all spent in our Mother's womb as we are developing into the person we are? IF life begins at conception, then our little brains begin to function at some point and do we get impatient with what is going on in our bodies inside our watery prison? Do we wonder what we shall become? How will it feel when it is all over? The pain of childbirth, which I have heard is every bit as painful for the fetus as it is for the Mother.
Leroy, it may sound silly, but I can't help but wonder if your suffering isn't similar as you are healing, changing & "coming out of it" so to speak.
I want to believe that you will be a "new improved product" with the same ole, active, imagination and zest for living the rest of his life.

Sent by J C R | 12:10 PM ET | 11-05-2007

Good Day to you Leroy,
That has a double purpose today.
My mother always told me to get up and get dressed and make each day count. Even if I was home sick. I would get up, dress, look my best and be apart of life, even if I felt miserable. That didn't mean I didn't rest and recover, I did.
I did back then and always have followed her lead. Her rules became mine and even on my lowest days, I strive to be a part of the world. As you do with your writing. I have done this with my family also. My husband might curse my pushing, but after two major surgeries for lung cancer he was up and going right away. I feel that "we are what were think we are". "I'm sick"---or
---"I'm recovering".
Best wishes as you RECOVER.

Sent by Deb | 12:27 PM ET | 11-05-2007

Hi Leroy,

I'm feeling much the same these last few months as you express here: impatient with pain and with the dys-function of being a patient, with not knowing if I will ever feel like 'myself' (and be pain-free) again. I don't have cancer (or if I do, it's undiagnosed), but I imagine the psychological feeling that comes of enduring constant pain is similar. Some days are better than others, physically and mentally -- and, oddly, the best days for my mind/heart are sometimes not the best days for my body, and vice versa.

I send thoughts and prayers for your continued healing, for getting back to feeling like "yourself," to living days and weeks and months at a time when you aren't always reminded of your body's frailty.

Sent by M Wms | 12:28 PM ET | 11-05-2007

Leroy, Patience is difficult to come by. Some of us are born with it, others develop the skill over time. Then there are those who just want it better, NOW! Sounds like you fit in the later category. I was like you once too, but fighting the battles has taught me patience. I still want to win the war, but just one battle at a time. You will win this battle, and with luck, you will get a break before the next begins. But for now, just follow the doctor's orders. Get Well. Stan

Sent by Stan Wozniak | 12:33 PM ET | 11-05-2007

Leroy,
If you can just take "One Day At A Time" I believe that it will be slightly easier to make it. Know that He is still in cahrge and hears your prayers and all of ous.

Sent by Ann Adams | 12:50 PM ET | 11-05-2007

Treat yourself to stuff that will take your mind off your situation.

Since the writers' guild members are on strike, and Letterman will likely be in reruns tonight. Here is a top 10 list.

Top 10 ideas to make Leroy Sievers feel better:

10)Bring someone in to give you a pedicure (Yes, men get them - haven't you ever seen Queer Eye for the Straight Guy???). If you can't get one, maybe your honey will give you one (promise to return the favor). It takes and hour or so and is very relaxing!

9) Download a racy podcast (nothing NPR or work related, I mean something spicy)

8) Read a juicy book. My Dad who is 80 calls Carl Hiaasen "pure porn plus mystery" so it should be just right for your spirit boost.

7) Write your holiday cards. You won't have time closer to the holidays and by the time you send it, you will not be lying when you say "Things are much better here!"

6) Pick items on your online holiday wish list. Most stores have them.

5) Google people you knew in high school. You never know what you will find out!

4) Order a PSP and some games. (It is working wonders on my sick 7 year old. He pukes, complains and then saves the universe. Then it repeats.). If that is too high tech, ask Lianne Hansen to send you some puzzles from her buddy Will.

3) Watch all the Godfather movies in a row, tomorrow do the Star Wars flicks, Wednesday Indiana Jones, Rocky, etc. The testosterone rush will give you surprising strength.

2) Order patience on E-bay. I am sure someone is trying to sell it.

1) 3 words, sponge bath, sponge bath, sponge bath!

Feel better soon!!!!!!!!

Sent by Liz L. | 1:19 PM ET | 11-05-2007

Leroy, Your blog today really hit home. My sister is going through chemo and she's feeling really bogged down. It's as if you're in the middle of a blizzard and you can't see past your nose. It's hard to imagine the sunnier days and when and if they'll be a break in the weather. I'm waiting for that break for you, my sister and all the rest of you in what seems to be a state of limbo.

Sent by Laurie de Gonz??lez | 1:29 PM ET | 11-05-2007

Hi Leroy, I'm enjoying a beautiful fall afternoon in the northeast, and I hope that you're able to enjoy it as well. I've just gotten back from two doctor apts and one with my cancer counselor. All check ups or check-ins, made the more interesting by my just having had a liver biopsy and radio frequency ablation on Friday. I'm doing much better than I could have imagined, largely because I am moving forward with my jewelry business plans in this unlooked for period of unemployment.(also thanks to the liver tumor)Having something to be excited about, and a creative outlet has made the liver tumor in a way almost incidental. I'm told that I'll get the results of the biopsy by the end of the week, but in the meantime, there's jewelry to be made!

Sent by Nancy K. Clark | 1:39 PM ET | 11-05-2007

So good to hear from you today, Leroy! I found your last line insightful - "something else is going to come up, it always does." I believe that life keeps on rolling, it's just our response to it that changes. I applaud you for yours - such an inspiration.

Sent by Amy | 1:46 PM ET | 11-05-2007

Dear Leroy, Your posting today made me recall a New Yorker cartoon I saw recently on a get well card: two bunnies, one says to the other, "I wonder if I will ever feel soft and fluffy again..."
I hope that you feel soft and fluffy again--real soon.

Sent by Townie | 1:53 PM ET | 11-05-2007

I have found that when I let go of my impatience and accept the situation I am in for what it is, my state of mind improves dramatically. This is hardest to do when I am in bad pain, but even then letting go of my resistance helps.

Lately, I have come to realize that I will never be the same physically as I was before my cancer treatments and surgery. It hurts, but I do believe that I am and will be even better emotionally and mentally than I have ever been. With each episode I go through I get stronger and more grateful to have made it through yet another battle.

Try to get in to just being here now, the way it is. Try to make it okay to just be in this difficult time. I know how hard it is, but find some good in where you are today.

Know that we are with you no matter how you feel or what you do.

Laurel

Sent by Laurel M. Jones | 1:59 PM ET | 11-05-2007

If you haven't read Kitchen Table Wisdom yet Leroy-get a copy and enjoy

Sent by Ruffian | 2:04 PM ET | 11-05-2007

Thank-You for being real. It is healthy to vent your fears and frustrations.
Comparing them to homeless or war victims is unproductive.
Feelings have no morality.
I will pray for moments of joy for you today.
Watching comedies helped me through the dark days. If that didn't work, I would just hide under the covers for as long as I wanted.
I am sorry you are going through this. I am believing for a restoring to your pre-cancer self. Never forget to expect a Miracle.
Sincerely, Joyce

Sent by joyce | 2:21 PM ET | 11-05-2007

The good part is that you will be here by the time the holidays come around. You may not be perfectly the same but you will be here. Godspeed

Sent by Sarah | 2:40 PM ET | 11-05-2007

What about meditation as well? I just met with a minister and we did a imagery meditation where I released suffering and asked for peace. It was very powerful. While our bodies are healing, our minds play such an important role in the process. I realized that I am not allowing myself to rest, as though I need to keep being productive and not resting. I am learning to be still and to rest. And to give thanks for the opportunity of being able to give myself time to heal instead of hitting the floor running - actually if I wasn't in a wheelchair right now I am not be so accomodating. Anyway, allow yourself to heal, be in the present - this moment. Take care. This is your time to allow your body, mind and spirit do their healing. Prayers & hugs..Kay

Sent by Kay | 2:46 PM ET | 11-05-2007

Leroy,
"Downshift" again and hang in there. Moment by moment....our thoughts and energies are with you!
betsey

Sent by betsey kuzia | 3:36 PM ET | 11-05-2007

Good Afternoon Leroy, Laurie and All,

Leroy, When you find a way to develop patience, please share the formula with me! I have plenty of patience with others but I have rarely applied it to myself. I want things better NOW and I want things better for you NOW, as well!
But I have learned that we can't always get just what we want, so we learn to adapt. Sometimes that helps with the frustration when our desires are not met immediately. I think it is the uncertainty of our futures that makes the recovery process so difficult. If we could know that we would get back to 100 %, it would make the waiting a whole lot easier.

Laurie, I know that you also wonder about the future and the extent to which Leroy can recover. I hope, for both of you, that his recovery will be complete. Gentle Cyber-Hugs to both of you.

To All, HOPE is the promise of a better tomorrow and DETERMINATION is our mode of transportation as Leroy guides us all through Cancer World. God Bless!

Eileen Pruyne
Charlotte, NC.

Sent by Eileen Pruyne | 3:49 PM ET | 11-05-2007

One thing that helped me with my impatience to recover from chemo and radiation for oral cancer was to not look for noticable improvements each day. Instead, I'd compare myself with where I was three weeks ago. And I could always see some improvement. It's just the improvement was so slow that it had to be viewed on that kind fo a scale.

Find the right scale for your recovery and things seem more hopeful. Though of course, there is the possibility of never quite getting back to where one was I think it's better to hope and expect that you can--but just give yourself time.

Sent by N.R. | 4:06 PM ET | 11-05-2007

Dear Leroy, Like some others here, I've been reading your blog for a few months and haven't commented yet. I look forward to reading it each day. You give so much by being so open, honest and so authentic in what you write. I finally had to weigh in when I read how you were expressing your needs. I've spent a great deal of my life having a difficult time asking for help, but I'm making progress. I salute you for sharing your feelings, all of them, including your needs, with all of us. You truly are doing a great service by how you share yourself with all of us. Thank you.

Sent by Kathleen | 4:08 PM ET | 11-05-2007

Leroy,
It is a predicament. You want to live so you fight. But in all the fighting life can be a strain. I have read many of todays' comments and I agree with the watch movies and read books suggestions. Distraction. I guess you have to balance distraction with living in the moment. But boy, when the going gets tough and your just eeking by, distraction is golden. I understand what you mean with knowing that there is always something. I would go to my father's to recouperate from chemo only to come home and pick up my toddler's cold. It was nervewracking and exhausting and I finally had to focus on the moment and small pleasures to get through it. I hope you'll watch an inspirational movie that helps to recharge your battery.

Sent by Beth S. | 4:09 PM ET | 11-05-2007

We are with you. Healing takes time, but just to know you are impatient with your progress tell us you are getting better! Hang in there!

Sent by Marcy in NJ | 4:58 PM ET | 11-05-2007

As always Leroy, you have managed to sum up many of us on this blogs experience. I too am in unbearable pain, the doctor keep uping my pain meds, but now I am sick to my stomach from them. I have not been able to do chemo because of low counts and most recently malnourishment. I am going to have a massage tomorrow, a first for me, but I think its time that I start taking a more natural approach. I pray that you and I will find relief from our pain, and that all on this blog do as well. Peace, Martie

Sent by Martie | 5:40 PM ET | 11-05-2007

Hi Leroy, Was worried about you this AM with no post at the usual time. I had a Novalis procedure on the brain on Friday, so don't scare me with no posts - thought I was missing something that was really there! None of this for either of us is worth my worst bad joke, I know that, but what else can we do? Pulling for you, Joanne

Sent by joanne | 5:43 PM ET | 11-05-2007

Leroy--as a medical provider you sound pretty healthy to me. Emotionally healthy that is and you're experiencing the same thing that we all do when any catastrophic personal loss occurs. Kubler-Ross defined the stages of grief as Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. You sound like you've got alot of anger and rightly so--we all hate it when we can't get what we want. Especially us Type A's. You've been through alot and this is just another bump in the road. It may seem a little too obvious but that's why they call you the PATIENT when you're sick. Hang on and--as Christopher Reeve said: "Go Forward".

Sent by S. Carrier MD | 5:51 PM ET | 11-05-2007

Leroy

Recently in preparation for a scan, I had to drink a gallon of that delicious Go-Lytely. Certainly not painful, but two friends had told me it was horrible, so I was not looking forward to it. Well, I started with the first glass (of 16) then flipped on the TV and there were PBS reruns of scenes from John Cleese in Fawlty Towers. I kept drinking, watching, running back and forth from the bathroom to the TV (which is in the living room) laughing so hard I almost had several serious accidents. The time flew by and I got it all down easily, and never even thought about it. I know what you are going through is so much more difficult, but remember, humor truly is great medicine. And there are wonderful movies out there as well as reruns. Forgive me for the indelicacy of this story, but thought you might get a kick out of it.

Sent by Wendy | 6:05 PM ET | 11-05-2007

Leroy,
Cancer world sucks. No doubt about it. By all means, take a mental break from it with some funny movies, or soothing music, or racy books. Check into some other world with that great mind of yours. The time will pass before you know it. The holidays are lining up quickly: Veterans day on Sunday, Thanksgiving in 17 days. As my dear old dad used to say, "You could stand on your head for that long if you had to."

Sent by Martha | 6:27 PM ET | 11-05-2007

Ok Leroy, I worried about you all weekend and hearing you today isn't easing my fears. This has been a long painful journey, but a journey it is, one that is not chosen but nevertheless you are on it. Keep going Leroy, one more step, one more mile on this journey. You CAN to do it. I need you to do it, we all need you to do it. Do it for us.

Kathy

Sent by Kathy W | 6:28 PM ET | 11-05-2007

Leroy, I think the truth is we are never ourself again, at least not the same. It changes you, the way you look at life, the way you wait for the other shoe to drop...but in the mean time you just keep living. We go on and do the best we can, and sometimes that changes. You hang in there, I hope you will feel stronger soon,

Sent by ellie | 6:57 PM ET | 11-05-2007

Oh Leroy, I feel that your pain must be unbearable for you to be so depressed.
I went to my Neurologist for a six month checkup since my stroke. Big mistake! I am more depressed than I was before. They know so little about strokes that I believe they are watching and learning from us all. My eyesight is still bad in the upper left quadrant of my left eye, but you know, I am learning to compensate. I actually drove our car, behind my husband in a borrowed car in order to leave ours off at the garage this morning for some work. It was hard, but I am real proud of myself. YOU will drive again in the near future.
Meanwhile, the waiting, the helplessness must really get to you.
I do believe that you are going through a re-birth of your body, which has been substantially changed by surgery, and you will survive it all with a new outlook on life. You will adapt to your new spine and learning how to walk with the changes.
Stick with us all and let us put our two cents in and support you with our love. Sleep tight Leroy.

Sent by J C R | 7:27 PM ET | 11-05-2007

"The Impatient Patient" - I love it. I'm in the midst of it too. I had my scan on Friday, seeing the doctor on Wednesday, will hopefully get my surgery scheduled then. I do a lot of waiting now. It's nothing compared to what you're going through, though. You're in my prayers.

Sent by Lisa Lindstrom | 7:27 PM ET | 11-05-2007

Dear Leroy,

My husband has been on chemo for the past 19 months with only one six week break. Your questions today are all too familiar. My husband's daily question is " Will I ever feel like myself again?" I wish I knew the answer. Just when you think things are going well...........BAMM! a new surprise. I feel as if every time we take one step forward, we take two backwards. MY husband was always a very patient man, but I can see how this illness has changed him both physically and emotionally. It has taken its toll on myself and my children as well. I can relate to today's blog especially because Thursday starts a new round of chemo with new drugs. The last line in your post sums it up "When this round is over, something else will come up. And, you are right, it always does.

Feel better soon dear friend.

Sent by sasha | 7:30 PM ET | 11-05-2007

I've been through a 1 1/4 year of chemo, and don't have any thing inspirational to say to you. But I do want to thank you for your column and efforts; your blog is the first thing I open when I get to work each day. I'm not big on inspiring words of wisdom, but I do find such strength in your frankness. You have any army pulling for you. Please draw on it if you can.

Sent by Jennifer | 8:03 PM ET | 11-05-2007

Peace to you Leroy,

You might find this journey of the sea a great diversion. 1000days.net/home/
It is really remarkable what Reid and Sonya are undertaking. Healing thoughts go out to you each and every day. Jude Kegerreis

Sent by Jude Kegerreis | 8:09 PM ET | 11-05-2007

I guess it's a clue that patience will be required. Otherwise, why would we be called patients? Who came up with that? Must have been someone spending countless hours in "waiting" rooms.

Sent by Laura | 8:09 PM ET | 11-05-2007

Leroy:
Cares and woes?
Don't worry, they'll still be there.
For now---just Be.
Love, Don

Sent by Don Winslow | 8:37 PM ET | 11-05-2007

The parents at the childrens hospital frequently say "what's next, there's always something". I don't argue with them. One of the pearls of wisdom I've recieved from this whole experience. Always thinking of you.

Sent by Lisa | 8:58 PM ET | 11-05-2007

I think it's true--time heals--what is time? we're obviously learning the lesson of patience! My doctor partner said-you can go have all the healing work you want but in the end it's going to take that fracture about 6 weeks to heal. Okay I'll get use to it. I also think truth heals. For myself-right now- it's important to close my eyes and check in with my body(and spirit of course) and say what do you want and need right now this moment. I'm playing with the idea "thinking" that maybe it's true-somewhere we always know what we want and need in the moment. I think I'll go get a cup of water :)now. Thanks

Sent by Linda | 9:02 PM ET | 11-05-2007

I know that you, and too many others, are feeling so uncomfortable while waiting to heal. I wish I could help. All I can say is, "One day at a time . . ."
Continued prayers,
Judith

Sent by Judith Newkirk | 11:22 PM ET | 11-05-2007

Feel like I used to...I don't think that will ever be true for me. We have changed. We have heard the death sentence uttered in our presence about US!
I believe now I live in God's Time...that is the space between where medical art/science fuse w the higher power to reset some internal clock. I don't think I want to go back...cancer has forced me to slow down & smell the roses. I have learned to appreciate all the struggles of others. It is like the movie "pay it forward"...we get to be shining example of random acts of kindness each & ever day. I am able to help more because I'm not so clearly fatigued beyond recognition.
These have been the true ???gifts??? of cancer???my family is closer than they have been in years. Cancer is something I would not wish on my worst enemy. Yet if it brings my family together...how great is that?

Sent by Cherie Brown | 11:24 PM ET | 11-05-2007

Thanks to Ned Toknow for drawing such a striking comparison between what Leroy and so many others are experiencing and what POWs have to cope with. Brilliant metaphor.

Sent by Anita Solomon | 11:35 PM ET | 11-05-2007

Leroy - speaking as another who hates to look to others for help: when you ask for help and accept it graciously, YOU are giving a gift to the giver! So don't forget this - and feel free to ask for what you need and know others are grateful to have something meaningful they can do for you - truly!

Sent by CaroleD | 11:55 PM ET | 11-05-2007

I now start every day with reading your message. When I read it I am trying to send my good thoughts your way. I am waging my own battle with cancer but nothing like what you are facing each and every day. Thank you so much for putting it all down and saying what so many of us want to say but can't. Your blog should be required reading...Thank you for reminding me that each and every day is precious no matter what you make up to. Helene Weingarten

Sent by Helene Weingarten | 6:30 AM ET | 11-06-2007

Nancy Clark - it was good to see a comment from you - hadn't seen one in a while, and I remembered that you had some stuff going on with your liver. Sounds like you've been through a lot lately, but it also sounds like the jewelry making is a great distraction. Please do know that I (as well as others also, I'm sure) are thinking about you and wishing and hoping for the best possible news from your biopsy.

Sent by Gretchen Hoag | 8:21 AM ET | 11-06-2007

I, too, appreciate Ned's comments. Being a prisoner of war is so apt.

Sent by glenda | 10:35 AM ET | 11-06-2007

Leroy -
You are my strength. As I try to find the strength to pick up the pieces of my shattered life I read your comments and am amazed by the strength and endurance you show everyday in your fight. Keep fighting to get to tomorrow and the next day and the next day. I want to read this time next year that you are going out to blow your leaves!

Sent by janet | 1:32 PM ET | 11-06-2007

iLeroy,
I know that the 'well-being' seems elusive and the when the made is working flat-out that scary feeling comes rushing like a wave.
With me being a stage 4 colon cancer sufferer this would happen happen to me on a daily basis and I am not getting stronger.

Leroy, I have been privilege to be able to approach God on a daily basis for love,comfort and assurrances no Doctor can 'give me'.
Just a word for you.

Keep that fighting spirit and remember the seeds you sow for other cancer sufferers.

God bless you,

Sid(Cape Town)

Sent by Sid Norman | 5:24 AM ET | 11-07-2007

leroy, don't know if you have heard of this saying, but you know what they say, a bad rehearsal means a good show. soooo you had the bad rehearsal, (thinking wallet was gone), and then found. soooo you had good rest of day. also, when we think something is lost, quick prayer, jesus loses, jesus finds. good you have some of the plumbing behind you. we are all on your side, praying.

Sent by bernie madden, cape cod | 10:02 AM ET | 11-14-2007

I'm there with you, brother. I had another biopsy done in September and I'm wondering when I'll be back to normal, or if? It's scary but we'll get through it, okay? Hang in there.

Sent by Tom | 6:14 PM ET | 11-18-2007