That morning will come. It will just happen. You are strong; keep the morning in your hip pocket and have it ready to cheer you up.
Bless you.

Sent by anne lumberger | 7:46 AM ET | 11-28-2007

We are all looking forward to that morning when you wake up feeling like yourself. Glad to hear that the drain and pump will soon be history-hang in there!

Sent by Jen | 7:47 AM ET | 11-28-2007

Leroy, I initially scoffed when my doctor told me that my reconstructive surgery had a 6-8 week recovery. I had bounced back so quickly after my mastectomy that I just didn't believe him. But apparently it's a lot easier to take you apart than put you back together, because he wasn't kidding about the recovery time! I can't even say now that I feel like my old self - my scars across my chest and abdomen are constant reminders, and they make my body feel differently. But I can honestly say that it has gotten better, little by litle, and I am much closer to my "mostly old self" than I was back in July (a few weeks after my surgery, where you are now). And you will get there - it just takes more patience than most of us ever had in life BC. Sorry about that drain - I know it will really help, mentally and physically, when it's gone.

Sent by Gretchen Hoag | 7:55 AM ET | 11-28-2007

At one point, following my 12 hour back surgery, they said..."Expect one day in the hospital for each hour in the OR and then expect one week of recovery for each of those days."

They were right.

Be gentle with your body and kind to yourself. As with so many things, take your recovery one day at a time.

Peggy

Sent by Peggy | 7:57 AM ET | 11-28-2007

Good morning Leroy,

Moving ahead with a small delay.. the drain for an extra week. Better to get that "stuff" out then allow it to remain and cause more trouble. It will be a milestone when the pump and drain go, no more mechanical/electrical companions to bug you.

Getting stronger will take time, what happened to that 40 yard, has it happened again? It should you know before the snow and ice are upon you. There are always enclosed malls to walk in, just a suggestion. :)

Sent by Sue Chap | 8:04 AM ET | 11-28-2007

It IS morning Leroy! Yet another one on your long, painful, journey to find your old self. You seem to be getting there.
I remember my 26 yr old husband, yrs & yrs ago trying to sit up, urinate on his own, learn to walk again, after his spinal surgery. His nerves had been severed and re-attached again. I feared I would never see my young, muscular, active husband "normal" again. BUT today, at 86 & 1/2 yrs old, he has worked hard, gardened and gotten back to his ole self. Not without pain and the constent backache that has followed him throughout life, but he DID heal and have a "normal life".
You will too Leroy. I can hear it in your daily writings - you are getting there. That d--n Staph Infection was not a natural after effect of your surgery. THAT is an added misery that you must get rid of. Hopefully - soon.
More steps on the path of life.

Sent by J C R | 8:05 AM ET | 11-28-2007

We all know we now have a new 'normal" changing all the time. I started chemo on November 16 and after never having had any problems I was knocked out by this one. I ended up in the hospital for five days. I came back to work on Monday feeling like a zombie but by today these seem much better. All this just in time for more drugs this Friday. We never seem to get over the surprises, the sucker punches.

There are so many variables in your recovery your poor body must be trying to figure it all out. Relax, be patient, heal.

Sent by Dona | 8:47 AM ET | 11-28-2007

Sorry you have to wait more but it will be worth it to feel more normal again. I am at the point where that's what I want - to be able to do a few things without sitting down every 10 minutes to rest and not have coughing fits that leave me helpless. Right now I feel like a prisoner in my house because of weakness. Looking forward to seeing Dr. on Fri. for treatment plan and results of tests. I think I have some atrophy of muscles too and all that can get better, we just have to be patient:)

Sent by Vicki (FL) | 9:06 AM ET | 11-28-2007

Leroy - know you've been on the ride on the roller coaster before and experienced the ups/downs - but, just to remind you that the ride will start going "up".....a year ago today I had a 3rd surgery within 6 weeks to remove all the lymph nodes under my arm (after mastectomies 3 weeks before)......I remember so well the nerve thing and it was so painful - then I got messed up without proper pain meds and ultimately was getting so sick with meds on empty, upset stomach.....a year ago this afternoon, I think all my wonderful husband and I could both do was cry....we felt so overwhelmed and defeated.......
That's the day we realized, just as you've said, that there are better days out there - and after getting a wonderful report that all nodes were negative several days later and months of healing/chemo/radiation - I'm thrilled to tell you that this morning, I'm on my way back to the gym for a workout!!! yeah!!! About 3 weeks ago, I started getting back and going beyond walking and have reclaimed this part of my life......things will always be different - but not only is it good for me (and my head) - but it's like restoring part of "me"......one of these days, soon that walking route will be routine for you again.
Getting the darn drain out will improve everything!!! Those are the worse!!!
Hang in there - and know that so many of us are out here sending you all kinds of healing thoughts and prayers to you and Laurie.

Sent by Ruth Chermok | 9:17 AM ET | 11-28-2007

I remember being in my post-surgery hospital bed(s), afraid to move, just wanting to stay there until I was healed, cutting all sorts of deals with all sorts of fates: "Just let me not hurt any more, and I will change my wicked, wicked ways..." Nothing like a foxhole convert, and nothing like a repeat assault to test your conviction! But of course each time, under the excellent care of Sandy and Diane and the other gentle-but-firm nurses, I got out of bed and walked and healed and eventually that panicky misery became a distant memory.

It will for you, too, Leroy. The advantage you have of being so long at this business of not dying is that you know how getting better feels, and you know you're doing it. Like Sue said earlier today, better to leave the drain for an extra week and make sure your infection is cleared up...saves having to go back for more surgery/treatment.

Hang on, bud! Get Koppel over for another stroll, or some power-Scrabble or something...these days will pass.

Peace
jj

Sent by Joan Jones | 9:56 AM ET | 11-28-2007

That morning will come sooner than you think - next week, in fact. When you have both the drain and the pump removed, and can enjoy a long hot shower....ah, glorious. Its such a little thing that most take for granted, but being able to enjoy a shower really did a lot for me. I'm sure it will be the same or BETTER for you.

Sent by Lesa in Kansas | 10:00 AM ET | 11-28-2007

Leroy - I haven't posted much recently, but I read you every morning and think of you and pray for you often.

Sent by Vicky (NY) | 10:20 AM ET | 11-28-2007

Hello Leroy, You've had two spinal surgeries and a deadly infection, man! You will look back on this recovery period someday, and think about how quickly it went for the enormous amount of recovering accomplished. As far as those unused muscles and cut nerves go, I can really identify with you. After your physical therapy, you might want to consider Tai Chi or yoga. Each of them has been really helpful for me in maintaining the muscle recoveries that PT started on each of my shoulders/upper arms after surgeries, etc. Most instructors will be happy for you to join in at anytime, and, in the case of yoga, will show you modified positions to accommodate your own body's ability. And, it's likely you won't be the first guy to join the classes either.

Sent by Sheara | 10:24 AM ET | 11-28-2007

Hang in there Leroy....I see brighter days ahead....less pain....more sunshine.....more energy

Sent by Teresa in WV | 10:26 AM ET | 11-28-2007

Well, it may not be as fast as you would like but it is obvious that you are better. Just keep believing that your body will heal and it will. Keep humor in your life. It's essential when you have cancer. Last Wednesday before Thanksgiving I had an appointment with my oncologist. My husband and I were going to immediately take off and drive several hours to his sisters to enjoy Thanksgiving with family. We were then going to drive back Friday morning so I could have chemo. When the nurse took my vitals, she became upset. I had 100.7 temperature. 3/10 of a degree away from "hospitalization". Now why this was funny is that I had no idea that I was running a temperature. In fact, I felt better than any other day since I started chemo. I had to talk the oncologist into letting me travel and all it cost us was $103 for 7 of the most expensive antibiotic pills in the world. Oh, and no chemo last Friday. Have to be able to laugh. Hopefully chemo can start again this Friday. Take care.

Sent by Carol M | 10:36 AM ET | 11-28-2007

Leroy,
Sorry the drain did not come out, but it is best to let it do the job completely. Here's hoping you will be rid of it next week. Isn't it amazing how much faster muscles go away than come back? You are one tough guy and I know you will make a great comeback!
I pray for good things for you today!
Charlotte in Temecula

Sent by Charlotte Kewish | 10:42 AM ET | 11-28-2007

Leroy:

WOW! DID I MAKE A TYPO! I obviously didn't reread my own post correctly last night.

I was thinking how thankful I was you were doing better at the moment but put my THANKGOODNESS in the wrong place. No more Paxil for me! I was entirely too relaxed to read.

Sorry! Nikki

Sent by Nikki | 11:05 AM ET | 11-28-2007

Dear Leroy,

The intense desire to get back to "normal" -- I can completely relate.

But I've found (and you have found/are experiencing) that it always takes longer than you'd hoped. And once you get back to relatively normal, something else inevitably come along that sets you back.

I was walking every day, doing more around the house, driving everywhere, feeling good. But then the neurologist and I decided to change my anti-seizure meds, something I'll probably have to take my whole life due to brain surgery and radiation. Our reasons were sound, as I was hoping to dump some of the less-than-desirable side effects of the first med.

The past five weeks have been sheer hell. Slowly tapering down on one drug while slowing ramping up on the new drug was excruciating -- it doesn't sound like it would be bad, but let's just say my husband, valiantly trying to inject a bit of humor into the situation, likened me to Keith Richard. Probably not as bad as heroin withdrawal, but an apt analogy.

But slowly, ever so slowly, I'm beginning to feel like I'm headed back to myself again.

I hope that for you too. The steps forward are so tiny, and they pale so in comparison to where we EXPECT to be. So lower your expectations a bit. Celebrate even the baby steps.

Sent by jordis | 11:09 AM ET | 11-28-2007

On that day, maybe we should all push back from our computers for a second and join together in chorus:

"Morning has broken
Like the first morning
Black bird has spoken
Like the first bird..."

Sent by Doris | 11:42 AM ET | 11-28-2007

You will wake up and go about your business and about 2 or 3 hours later you will think to yourself, "I feel pretty good today!" You are amazing. Your story and your blog are amazing.

God Bless you for keeping up with the blog. You are offing tons of support for all who read any of these blogs.

Sent by Judy | 11:45 AM ET | 11-28-2007

I'm glad things are going as well as can be expected.

Hang in there. December is almost here, and Christmas as well.

Sent by Scott S. | 12:22 PM ET | 11-28-2007

Dear Dear Leroy,

It breaks my heart to sense the pain in your writing. Hang in there...we are all here for you.

BIG HUGS!

Sent by grace | 12:27 PM ET | 11-28-2007

i am home this week with a bad cold. it reminds me of the many months i was home post transplant. they were frustrating times, but i miss the times that i had "time". time to think, time to do nothing, time to savor life. unfortunately there was also time to hurt, to worry. how to we combine our new normal with ourselves? Your blog is wonderful and all of us who struggle are in it together. I wish you godspeed on this journey and a return to better times.

Sent by cheryll | 12:57 PM ET | 11-28-2007

I know just what you mean. I wake up and open one eye at a time and take stock in how I feel. And like magic, each day I feel a little better after a surgery. Kind of makes me wonder about people that never go through something like this. They will never know how good they really feel each day.

Sent by Lisa | 1:04 PM ET | 11-28-2007

Leroy,

Boy, you sure sound tired of what's going on! Don't blame you. Suggest exercising in bed - tensing then relaxing your various muscles. Might want to check out physical therapy as well. Sorry about all the delays, but it seems like it always happens that way.

Sent by Diana Kitch | 1:58 PM ET | 11-28-2007

Good Afternoon Leroy, Laurie and All,

Leroy, What a surprise to read your post today and see that you are thinking about getting back to normal. Definitely a positive step forward after all that you have been through!
When I got up this morning it was the first time that I have felt anywhere near "normal" and it felt so good!! So hang in there, my friend, "normal" is out there and you will find it in time.

Laurie, I'm sure you long for the "Normal" times to return too. I'm pulling for them to come back for both of you ASAP!!

To All, As we travel together, we have all had to reevaluate our impressions of "Normal". And I hope that we can all find a "Normal" that will be acceptable.

I think I am finally coming to grips with the fear that my cancer diagnosis brought into my life and I'm learning to live again. It has taken me a year to get this far. Tom and I went grocery shopping this morning and I found a tiny Cypress tree in a decorated pot with a Merry Christmas sign. I brought the tree home and named him Chris. Tom and I will care for Chris this winter and next spring. When its warm enough we will plant Chris outside beside the stream near our house. I'm going to live long enough to see Chris grow into a big healthy tree. We have never decorated outside, but when Chris is large enough to hold lights and balls, we will decorate and Chris will be one of the prettiest Christmas trees in Charlotte!! We can do this, we can all find "Normal" and go on with our lives!
God Bless!!

Eileen Pruyne
Charlotte, NC

Sent by Eileen Pruyne | 2:14 PM ET | 11-28-2007

Take it slowly, Leroy, keep moving, but slowly. Tai chi is a very good exercise after spinal surgery. One doesn't feel self conscious because everyone is moving very slowly, and actually spinal surgery helps one to move the whole body as one centered unit as it is difficult to move the arms and legs without having the whole torso involved which is the way tai chi should be done. I hope the drain comes out next week. Stay hydrated and breathe deeply.

Sent by Cherylene Lee | 3:03 PM ET | 11-28-2007

Leroy,

The better mornings will come (sounds like as early as next week) and will bring much needed time to celebrate. Look forward to the time when the drain comes out and enjoy the moments of rest between now and then. I hope you are feeling better and stronger each and every day.

Sent by Suzanne Lindley | 3:12 PM ET | 11-28-2007

Hi Leroy, this is Shannon from Joshua Tree - you will be in my prayers today.
You give me hope!! Stay strong big guy.

Sent by Shannon Wilson | 3:53 PM ET | 11-28-2007

Hang in there dear friend.........you're going to make it!

Sent by Sasha | 3:57 PM ET | 11-28-2007

When I crushed my spine at age 15 no one would tell me when the pain would stop-it was the 70's.....All I know is one day in the first year I noticed something was absent.It took me a week to figure out I was missing the ungodly pain-my body had answered my prayers.Hope your body answers soon!!

Sent by Susan | 4:22 PM ET | 11-28-2007

Bless your heart Leroy. Hang in there, it will get better, it just takes patience. It's easy to say, I know, I've been there and I still suffer from pain due to cut nerves. Our thoughts and prayers are with you.

Sent by Ruth White | 4:25 PM ET | 11-28-2007

Leroy, Be cautious here, back surgery like yours can be much longer than 8 weeks for recovery. Sure, you will feel better as time goes along, but a year is the benchmark. It takes the body that amount of time to truly heal from the trauma. That is not to say you should not want to see that day sooner rather than later. Just be careful, it takes time. Stan

Sent by Stan Wozniak | 7:08 PM ET | 11-28-2007

Leroy,
I hope that day comes as soon as possible. It seems that one of the truest things about cancer and its associated complications is that it never goes according to a plan. I whole-heartedly believe that you WILL wake up one morning and feel a lot better, the kind of better that makes you say, "Thank you, thank you, thank you God."

Sent by Beth S. | 9:12 PM ET | 11-28-2007

Leroy & Laurie Happy Holidays & many more to come...I can not read the blogs everyday they make me cry & feel blessed at the same time the people that share their thoughts & send sooo many good wishes it makes you wonder why is the rest of the world so crazy. I just found out that my breast cancer is growing like wild flowers. I now know what people mean when they say he or she battled for years I'm going into my 4th & getting a little weary ....I loved the one when it's all over we can push away from our computers & sing..I'm sending lots of positive energy & LOVE to you both. I walk around thinking about you all the time....like the others the morning will be real soon. Stay strong & positive.

Sent by Aliyah | 5:56 AM ET | 11-29-2007

There will come a morning when you feel good again. Recovery takes a long time. Eight weeks won't be long enough, but you'll be feeling better by then. You're in my prayers.

Sent by Gyla | 11:02 AM ET | 11-30-2007