Dear Leroy,

I'm right there with ya - I've been praying for you to be free of those drains and pump ever since you got them. So,I am crossing my fingers that you get them out this week. Hang in there,

Lianne

Sent by Lianne Friedman | 7:39 AM ET | 12-03-2007

I hope so too.

You are a real boy.

Hugs,

Lori

Sent by Lori | 7:49 AM ET | 12-03-2007

Morning Leroy! Yes, you have been patient a very long time and we are waiting to hear some good news now. Of course the good news really is that those pumps and drains have done their job. You are still up and at 'em and ready to go. That is wonderful! Oh, how light and free your will feel to be disconnected from those implements of torture and connected to the "Real World" once again. Happy Holidays-right?

Sent by J C R | 8:18 AM ET | 12-03-2007

Morning Leroy,

I am not sure if Good morning would be appropriate given the potential events of day. You can go in with the intent to bribe the doctors(your earlier fall back plan), or brace for not having the drain or pump removed, or go in without any expectations at all and then you are not setting yourself up for disappointment.

Be strong!

Sent by Sue Chap | 8:21 AM ET | 12-03-2007

Dear Leroy.
Like you, I keep hoping for better days for my husband and when things look a little brighter, my day is more pleasant. Then, of course, if things take a different turn, I am disappointed all over again. But, some very wise people keep reminding me to NEVER give up hope and I've decided to listen to them. My husband was diagnosed a year ago and though he's been through the mill, it is a miracle that he is still fighting. My money's on you.

Sent by Elaine | 8:30 AM ET | 12-03-2007

It's the hours that are most difficult

Sent by Art | 8:58 AM ET | 12-03-2007

A few posts ago, you mentioned how people are tellingyou how down you seem, etc. I have been reading this blog since I heard about it on the special that Ted Koppel did on cancer (I believe it aired earlier this year), and you have always been upbeat, focused on the positive, seeing the best in everything. I commend you for your strength and effort that it must take for you to be so positive everyday, maybe more so for us than for yourself. I want you to know that you do not always have to be the strong one for us all to lean on, you can lean on us as well. We can be your strength and positive, uplifting spirit. Thanks for all you do.

Sent by cynthia massey | 9:25 AM ET | 12-03-2007

Hi Leroy,
I'm a breast cancer patient and I've been following your blog since you were on Ted Koppel's show about cancer. Have you considered alternative treatments? A couple of months ago I started eating raw foods (vegetables) and juices for 2 meals a day. My health is improving and my numbers are up. When I was first diagnosed, several people came to me with different "cures" and it bugged me. But this raw food and juice thing has really helped a lot of people. I hope you're feeling better-I pray for you.

Sent by Glenda | 9:33 AM ET | 12-03-2007

Hello Leroy...your comments today bring to mind the feelings of every woman who has been pregnant and given a "due date". The mind focuses on that date with intensity and all plans hinge on it.

Pregnancy and, many times, healing have approximate time ranges. When one becomes pregnant, how much easier to plan on a birth within a season...early or late fall for example. When one is "plugged in" with drains and pumps, perhaps it is easier and kinder to think and plan on "soon" rather than "this week or next".

I urge you to be a patient patient.

Peggy

Sent by Peggy | 9:35 AM ET | 12-03-2007

It's a hard day today. A friend of mine died of breast cancer yesterday. She was 34. She left behind a husband and 2 little girls. It's hard to make sense of this. It's hard to be a cancer survivor when your friends don't survive along with you. I hate cancer.

Hang in there, Leroy. I know it's hard and the drains and tubes are miserable, but it is SO much better than the alternative.
-Karole

Sent by Karole Ives, Duluth MN | 9:42 AM ET | 12-03-2007

Dear Leroy,

Hang in there...........my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Sent by Sasha | 9:53 AM ET | 12-03-2007

My husband used to tell me "anything that is time limited you can tolerate". So this too is time limited and even if the timing changes you can do it! Keep on sharing ALL your feelings because it's what we all feel and there is no shame to that. It makes everyone feel better to know that others have similar feelings. Hope things come out as planned and soon. God Bless.

Sent by Vicki (FL) | 10:12 AM ET | 12-03-2007

Karole- I know what you mean about making sense of cancer. I lost 2 family members this year to it. Its so hard to understand. We are praying Leroy that you get those pesky things out. But hang in there no matter what.

Sent by DiAnn | 10:22 AM ET | 12-03-2007

Hi Leroy and all -

Leroy - you will get rid of the pumps and tubes -the sooner thebetter, I hope. I know it's rough and I hope it gets easier. I also hope it gets easier for the kids I visied briefly at the pediatric cancer ward in Havana, Cuba last week whose doctors are equally dedicated and skilled - and perhaps even more upbeat thaqn some of ours, bbut who have very littke to work with comparaed to what our medical system provides to those of us who can afford it (In Cuba what they do have is free). Get better leroy, we all need your courage and your encouragement.

Vaya con Dios
John Shippee
Atlanta, GA

Sent by John Shippee | 10:24 AM ET | 12-03-2007

Dear Leroy,
You are always in my thoughts and I'll have my fingers crossed for you!!
All my best to Laurie!
Jude

Sent by Judith Tynan | 10:28 AM ET | 12-03-2007

Dear Leroy -- every day I think about you and hope you are having a better day than the day before -- and soon will be walking in freedom from all your medical equipment. These doctors don't have any idea how many people are cheering and praying for YOU.

Sent by Ann | 10:30 AM ET | 12-03-2007

Dear Leroy,

Today's blog entry and the one from last Thursday, "Suspended in Time" really resonated with me. I was on chemo for 9 months this year; plus two surgeries in the last 4 months. I pride myself on not currently having any tubes or lines in me. I know how frustrating it can be to be tethered. Chemo stopped 2 months ago and I'm regaining my strength and stamina. One of the surgeries (from 18 months ago) has left me permanently disabled with eating and speech difficulties. As such, I'll never be "normal" again. But, each day, I try to leave Cancer World and be a part of the world I once knew. I see other patients at my cancer center and I say to myself, "it could always be worse." So what if they had to try 4 times to get an IV into me, I saw someone where they were on their 17th try. The timing expectations get to me too. One chemo cycles that I thought would last for about 6 weeks went on for 4 months. One sets their mind to how long the torment will last and then when it doesn't stop, it becomes overwhelming and depressing. I read your blog daily and continue to thank you for bringing this community together. It helps me to know how others are doing and feeling about Cancer World.

One last thought before I go today. It continues to impress and amaze me with how generous and caring some people are. There are not many good things that cancer has brought to me, but learning about people's compassion is one of them and on the top of my list.

Regards,
Ed Steger
www.hncancer.blogspot.com

Sent by Ed Steger | 10:42 AM ET | 12-03-2007

Got my fingers crossed...

Sent by Doris | 11:10 AM ET | 12-03-2007

Hello Leroy,
I pray you will not be disappointed this week and that your attachments will be removed. Having multiple attachments must be miserable!
I have had a PICC line and been on daily hydration since July 2006. I took myself off hydration a week ago in hopes of getting the line removed. I have been producing enough "pee" to keep my kidneys healthy so I have an appointment on 12/11 to get the line out. However, the line plugged up and I could not flush it yesterday, so I am hoping my home care nurse will tell me I have to have it taken out today! There is always hope!
All we can do in hang in there and keep on hoping!
Charlotte in Temecula (soon to be in PA)

Sent by Charlotte Kewish | 11:11 AM ET | 12-03-2007

Hope keeps us going, Leroy, so I, too, hope the drain and IV will be removed - but, if not, we'll hope some more.

I wanted to comment on your November 30th comments, too. I had a friend once who taught me the art of moaning when I was in so much pain and, believe it or not, it worked. Sometimes I moaned so loudly I would begin laughing, laughing at the absurdity of a grown woman moaning. The moments of relief were precious. I think writing how and what you feel equate in some ways with moaning - a way in which to acknowledge the helplessness, the burden, the depression and exhaustion of it all! You will get through this, Leroy, but each person's path to recovery (victory) is different and no apologies are needed for how you feel along the way! And, if writing how you feel doesn't seem to cut it one day - MOAN and then MOAN some more - long deep moans! I started out with the low moans but gradually moved on to louder deeper moans and then, of course, as previously mentioned, I usually ended with spontaneous laughter. Take care, Leroy. I think about you every day and keep you and Laurie in my prayers.

Sent by Molly | 11:21 AM ET | 12-03-2007

LeRoy, here's hoping by next week you will be a Real Boy!

Sent by Marilyn Trujillo | 11:35 AM ET | 12-03-2007

I do not classify some of your blogs as "depressed", it is just all very real stuff. If one has lived w. cancer or cared for someone with cancer, one can relate. It's better to let yourself feel, than to stuff it down and make yourself sicker, now or later...Love and blessings to you and blog writers from Sherri in Texas, BC dx 4-06

Sent by Sherri Eggleston | 11:48 AM ET | 12-03-2007

Hang in there. I remember how thrilled I was to get the 24/7 pump off of me. I had that thing for months and months. We are all praying for you, Leroy.

Sent by Ruth White | 11:50 AM ET | 12-03-2007

Good Morning Leroy, Laurie and All,

Leroy, I have my fingers crossed for you too. I know that you are really looking forward to the feeling of freedom you will have when all the equipment is gone. Think of something really great to celebrate the occasion.

Laurie, Here's hoping that it won't be long until you will have to trot to keep up with Leroy. I know you are looking forward to that day.

To Karole, I'm so sorry for your loss and I hope that knowing that others are holding you close will comfort you.

To All, Keep looking for a brighter tomorrow. It may be looking to the end of active treatment or news that remissions are holding. But tomorrow is important because it offers hope!
God Bless!!

Eileen Pruyne
Charlotte, NC.

Sent by Eileen Pruyne | 11:53 AM ET | 12-03-2007

You dear man! The depression is so normal. I'm so sorry you have to go through all this; thank goodness you have insurance and the best physicians. Always experss your feelings; everyone is here for you. Hearing from you means everything to the rest of us; we think of you constantly. With hope, Gale

Sent by Gale | 11:54 AM ET | 12-03-2007

Leroy, I very much hope your appointment goes as expected. Carting around all that equipment everywhere you go is a pain in the a--. By now you must have pet names for the things. Get rid of them, do it this week. Stan

Sent by Stan Wozniak | 12:22 PM ET | 12-03-2007

Leroy,
I am constantly amazed at your amazing abilities with the English language, no matter what you are facing. Your recent blogs have been powerful. I hope your drains come out soon, but I hope that your doctors don't let their judgement get clouded by what they can see you so want. Try to take a zen approach and whenever the drains come out will be just the perfect time. I think of you often and send great healing thoughts, along with acceptance of the process. Healing will come and you will return to your "normal" tubeless state. I, along with everyone else on this blog, am also anxiously awaiting each step closer to having you more comfortable, and trying (unsuccessfully) not to get my hopes up too soon.
To Karole, I am so sorry. I agree that cancer sucks. I am facing my first Christmas without my dad, and to make it worse, my mom also has advanced cancer. There is no understanding this, just holding on day by day.

Sent by Laura | 12:26 PM ET | 12-03-2007

Apparently, some have noticed my absence. Part of it is due to Leroy's continued up-beatness in comparison to my winding down. I have been very busy at work trying to get all the loose ends tied up, not knowing how much longer I could work. I worked up to Thanksgiving when it became clear to me that going to work was just not going to be part of my day anymore. I am so glad that you have positive changes to continue to look forward to, Leroy. I know you are nowhere near where you would like to be physically, and I marvel at your ability to look forward to a brighter future, a better tomorrow. I don't think I am depressed, but I have accepted where I am and what direction my life and disease are taking.

I don't feel too bad, but my energy is low and I am glad never to be too far from the bathroom.

Keep going, Leroy and the rest of you as well. Fight the fight for those of us who no longer can.

Sent by Stephanie Dornbrook | 12:27 PM ET | 12-03-2007

sending positive energy and prayers your way. be sure to let us know.

Sent by sarah | 1:05 PM ET | 12-03-2007

I hear your exhaustion. It is real. Go ahead and honor it as such.
Endurance seems to be the key. I was extremely grateful to a friend who had been thru it all before me... "don't feel guilty about doing whatever it takes on a day to day, minute by minute basis, to help you get thru this spell of waiting - waiting to be a real human being again, with purpose and drive and energy to change and grow," she said.
Blessings on you!

Sent by mary | 1:41 PM ET | 12-03-2007

I really really hope you get your wish and that you can enjoy the holidays sans tubes. I was only hooked up to a drain 5 days in the hospital but based on that can imagine what you are going through. I'm not a religious person but am thinking positive thoughts for you.
Marcia

Sent by Marcia Greer | 2:00 PM ET | 12-03-2007

From my individual perspective out here in blogland you do not seem depressed, especially not in the weighted meaning of the word, with its accusatory overtones, as if you have something to apologize for. If anything, you appear to be frustrated, sad, bored and worried (all feelings you are fully entitled to), in addition to being amazingly upbeat and forward thinking. I used to get defensive when my husband would say I seemed depressed during my treatments. In retrospect I realize he was just trying to express his concern. Here's wishing you the best.

Sent by Diane | 2:31 PM ET | 12-03-2007

Stephanie,

None of expect you to be continually upbeat either. We just want to know how you are. As we all tell Leroy, tell us your truth, good, bed or indifferent.

I am glad you are comfortable leaving your job behind. I hope all your moments, even if they are spent close to a bathroom ;o) are spent how you want to spend them.

Sent by Robin LeTourneau | 3:32 PM ET | 12-03-2007

My hopes and prayers are with you each day for another milestone (no more lines, tubes or drains) to be achieved. I sense that you like many of us are goal oriented and we measure our progress (real or imagined) against these goals. Perhaps this achievement will signal that you have been successful in eliminating the pathogens from your body so that you can now focus your energy on the greater enemy...cancer. Regardless, accept the removal of the attachments as a small step forward.

For Stephanie: I pray that the spark of life deep within your soul will continue to shine. I pray for God's peace, mercy and healing power for you.

Sent by Al Cato | 3:53 PM ET | 12-03-2007

Oh, YES, I know that feeling. I was prepared for a four to week hospital stay for my auto stem cell transplant. Miraculously, I was able to go home after just three weeks. The minute I found out I was going home, everything about being in a hospital suddenly became unbearable.

Hoping for you for that you'll soon be like your computer - wireless (and pumpless).

Sent by Susan Carrier | 3:58 PM ET | 12-03-2007

I almost understand how you feel. I checked your blog every day. My 20 year old granddaughter passed away November 23, 2007 after fighting cancer for five years. I read her journel and while she never said that she was in so much pain, she talked about praying everyday that the pain would not be so bad today and that she would have a good day. Her cancer went from the small intestines to colon to liver and then to pelvic area. I would never never suggest anyone take chemo again, just operate and enjoy the time you have. So, you were a lot of help to me in understanding Ashton after she took a turn for the worse in April 2007. I pray for you daily and please keep writing exactly how you feel. It has to help others understand what their love one is facing. I say there is no such thing as cancer free, you are cancer well for a time.

Sent by Mavis Adams | 4:20 PM ET | 12-03-2007

I clearly remember wathcing the last drop of chemo drugs leave the IV bag at my final chemo treatment. You can live with IV's and stuff for a long time, but when when it finally goes, when the chemo is finally over, it is a truly wonderful moment. Leroy: I hope they take the stuff out tomorrow! But if they don't, don't be hard on yourself if you're disappointed. You're only human and going through ordeals no human should have to face. Hopefully in the future no will have to face them. God bless. Cynthia

Sent by Cynthia Williams | 4:22 PM ET | 12-03-2007

Stephanie, you are in my prayers. I pray for the best for you.

Leroy, hang in there! We know the drain and the pump will come out, sooner or later, and that will be the right time.

Sent by Marcy in NJ | 4:25 PM ET | 12-03-2007

Leroy,

I hope things turn out exactly as you want them to, but if not we'll all rant and rave together.

Sent by Diana Kitch | 4:25 PM ET | 12-03-2007

Stephanie D., I'm so sorry. I wish you peace and a beautiful Christmas.

Sent by Nichole | 5:07 PM ET | 12-03-2007

Leroy: Hope the drain comes out...crossing fingers.

Sent by Krupail Tejura MD | 5:26 PM ET | 12-03-2007

You are so right Mavis. Losing a 20 yr old Grandaughter to cancer must have been difficult to accept but you seem to have the right thoughts on the subject. I agree with you about Chemo. I had it for six mos after my breast surgery, but gave it up after six mos when I began bleeding from every opening. That was 25 yrs ago.
Yes, I have faith in Surgeons - cut it out, get rid of as much as possible, and let me get on with whatever is left of my life. We are all terminal anyway, so let's go out when it's time, with dignity.
Leroy has the right idea. He brought us all together and we truly help each other.

Sent by J C R | 5:45 PM ET | 12-03-2007

i am glad that you are honest in your writing. keep on hoping...

Sent by jen | 6:32 PM ET | 12-03-2007

To Stephanie:
As sad as I was to read your entry, it was still so good to see your name and read an update on you. You are such an important part of this blog, it's beginnings and it's strengths. I'm sure many others also feel a strong connection to you. May the warmth of our love and concern be all around you every moment of every day. I wish I had Leroy's gift with words so I could better express my feelings. Hopefully your heart can decipher the message from mine.

Sent by Harriet | 7:40 PM ET | 12-03-2007

So, Leroy, can you tap dance the way Pinocchio does when your 'strings' are cut?

I think my follow-up MRI is not good.

Sent by glenda | 7:54 PM ET | 12-03-2007

Dear Leroy:

Your My Cancer blog has been such a blessing to me. My cousin was diagnosed with lung cancer over a year ago and passed away last summer. I first heard your blog on the radio and have read it online since then. I think that it has helped me to better understand life. Thank you!

Sent by MH | 9:27 PM ET | 12-03-2007

Leroy: Here's to tube removal...soon.

Stephanie: We did notice you were gone. Glad to hear from you no matter what.

Karole, Mavis and DiAnn: No one can honestly say "I know how you feel" because no one really does. I do, however, have some idea of what you are going through right now without those you love. Seems like this first Thanksgiving made me face reality instead of trying to look away. I keep telling myself my loved ones are out of pain and looking forward to our joining them some day. For now, we have work to do here.

In case you didn't read my comments about a song by Rascal Flats, "My Wish", you might try to pull it up. I know the words came straight from my husband's heart directly to me.

Nikki

Sent by Nikki | 9:51 PM ET | 12-03-2007

Leroy - totally understand about you wanting to be "unplugged".......I seriously think that the ideas of drains would keep me away from most surgery for the rest of my life - if I have a choice........hope they come out this week - know you'll deal with whatever comes, just as we all do....

Stephanie - I was wondering about you - and also pray for you and send you thoughts of peace.....hope you have a wonderful Christmas with your family and those you love........
Today is the only day we all have....

Sent by Ruth Chermok | 11:41 PM ET | 12-03-2007

Leroy, I love your posts. I feel a cyber conection with you.I happen to have cancer in my left eye, and I had a gal ask me if I had pink eye and I said"no I have cancer in my eye" Somehow thinking that would put her at ease, because it is not contagious! am now a one-eye, it is amazing how the brain will take over for the other eye, and life goes on a bit different, but continually changing. Sending you Good ju-ju, Sarah

Sent by Sarah Cronkhite | 6:55 AM ET | 12-04-2007

and i pray, along with you, that everything comes out and you will be a little more comfortable. but, also realize, that as uncomfrotable and depressing as the tubes and drains are they are there TO HELP YOU - nobody is giving up and they are there to HELP YOU. G-d bless you and take care of you.
janice goldberg white

Sent by janice goldberg white | 7:05 AM ET | 12-04-2007

Leroy, during this Christmas season (and I say "Christmas"--not "holiday"), I make a conscious effort to stay focused on what matters. You matter, Leroy. You matter to me, to the fellow bloggers, Laurie and your family and friends. I send you a soft touch of prayer that your pain lessens each day.

Sent by Jilly | 10:12 AM ET | 12-16-2007

peace, love, joy, strength and some good times. you are loved by many. feel all our arms around you.

Sent by bernie cape cod | 9:59 AM ET | 12-21-2007