Hope that day comes soon, Leroy. Take care.

Sent by Jen | 7:55 AM ET | 12-13-2007

Anyone suggested a TENS machine on those tight muscles? My husband got a lot of pain relief from his. Hoping your recovery continues apace.

Sent by Lisa | 8:01 AM ET | 12-13-2007

Hi Leroy,

Memories, of years or experiences gone by. I can remember roller skating and not worrying about falling. I am not talking about roller blading now. I own a pair of roller skates, and I am now afraid to try them again even on smooth cement. I can remember bouncing out bed and not having to aches and pains associated with getting older, in my back, or going to bed without pain in my knees. I can remember getting on floor and getting up without feeling like I was 50+ years old. I can remember climbing on a ladder and not worrying about coming down.

I have had to accept these changes, and hope there is not much more in the way of change. I keep moving and doing things that are not as easy as they once were. Maybe I'll get some of that flexibility back? Remember healing takes time and patience. I know, you are not always the most patient of individuals, however, tincture of time goes a long way.

Sent by Susan Chap | 8:11 AM ET | 12-13-2007

Leroy, have you tried therapeutic massage? It is great for relaxing those irritated muscles, getting your blood circulating to all those tired areas and just relaxing you generally. This is a great way to help with pain control. Check with your docs, they should have someone they can refer to you and sometimes the massage therapist will make house calls so that you can relax and rest afterwards instead of getting back into a car, etc. It may be covered under your insurance as part of a home physical therapy program. It's worth a try!

Sent by Karen | 8:27 AM ET | 12-13-2007

Life teaches us amazing things-sometimes (most times?) through tragedy..there is a Buddahist practice called Tonglon. I fyou haven't read about it, you might enjoy it. I suspect you have been doing it already.

Thank you for sharing and learning and observing and growing. I join the man who send you healing thoughts/energy and comapassion and love...please continue to spread them around

Sent by Ruffian | 8:28 AM ET | 12-13-2007

Hi Leroy, I read you daily but don't comment much. I really feel for your pain and wonder if you've tried any alternative forms of relief like Acupuncture or TENS. They might really help! good luck!

Sent by Jenny | 8:37 AM ET | 12-13-2007

Leroy, Just be patient and I know that is hard for those who were very active onece and now they can't be, but it will come. I had several surgeries on my back not as intense as yours but a surgery is a surgery and you have to wait until your body accepts the new way it has to receive the impluses from the nerves. It is like a new route they are taking and they have to learn. In the meantime you have to help them by being careful how you step , sit, reach,etc. But it will come even for those that are impatient like you and me and were so active at one point. You will be again. Thanks for your writings it has helped me on my journey through this new live with this disease. You will get better it is amazing what your body can do and how it can recover. We all are helping you through this fight just know that and you will get where you are supposed to be. Kathy

Sent by Kathy Simmons | 8:58 AM ET | 12-13-2007

You know what I think though? No matter how much you will feel better (and you will, you are such a fighter!), I believe I will always now go through life and think twice. Not necessarily in a bad way, more of a reflective way. We are always going to view our day to day with different glasses on now. Sometimes it's going to be a sweet view, sometimes it's going to be a bittersweet view. I am not sure I for one will ever be able to change that.

It has been an honor "watching" your progress, Leroy. Your ups and downs are so real to me. I know I know, they're "real" alright, but I love to check in every morning and have my little "Session" with you. Thanks so much, and keep on going!

Sent by Becky | 9:01 AM ET | 12-13-2007

How we take for granted the "little things" in life. Things that evidently have smacked you square in the face and are making you so painfully aware of how sweet life used to be and will be again if you tolerate the misery you are going through now.
Reading your message this morning, I keep thinking how much like being born again it must be. Learning how to do the simplist task without too much pain.
That said however, I can't help but be awed by the progress you have made in such a short time. To have your spinal column practically rebuilt, cancer removed, etc., is no small feat. I was afraid that you would never get out of bed or walk again! Leroy, you are, indeed, a wonder and we only wish that we could relieve even a small bit of your pain.

Sent by J C R | 9:10 AM ET | 12-13-2007

I know how you feel, I have to stand up slowly, wait until dizziness passes then can walk around. I have to remember to breath a certain way when I get a coughing fit and sit down every time I get short of breath. I am so NOT used to doing things that way so I too look forward to when I can do those things again without thinking about it. You are our hero Leroy. Thank you for writing every day and expressing your feelings that we share with you.

Sent by Vicki (FL) | 9:30 AM ET | 12-13-2007

Hoping and praying that the day your pain ends, or becomes more manageable, comes soon, Leroy.

Bless you.

Sent by Connie E. | 9:32 AM ET | 12-13-2007

Dear Leroy,
YOU are sweet !!! You tell it like it is and we all thank you for that! May your SWEET day come very soon !!!!! xox dee

Sent by dee | 9:36 AM ET | 12-13-2007

Dear Leroy,

I know what you mean. Life used to be so simple. You thought it, you did it. Now, you think it, you wonder what extra steps or precautions there are before doing it, you then do these extra steps and / or take the precautions. At this point, if you're lucky, you remember what it was you were going to do in the first place. As for the swelling, it will probably go down, but it takes awhile. I've had 7 surgeries in the past 3 years. 6 have been on my face and neck. Whereas you can't see yours, I avoided looking in mirrors. I didn't want to see mine. But, for all they have done to me, I look good thanks to the hands and training of my surgeons.

Today is my one year anniversary of only have a few months to live. It's a big day for me. I wrote about it in my blog. I think a lot of cancer patient's remember this particular type of anniversary. It may be one of the best anniversaries one can have.

Take care,
Ed Steger
www.hncancer.blogspot.com

Sent by Ed Steger | 9:41 AM ET | 12-13-2007

I have recently received the bad news that the lung cancer has returned and surgery is scheduled for the first week in January. This will be my 4th lung surgery. I guess the good news is that each time they are catching it early and it hasn't spread. Just wonder how many times they can keep operating on my lungs. I wonder also how much scar tissue I'm carrying around now.

Leroy, I'll say again that finding a good physical therapist who can massage the knots that post-surgery brings made my life bearable. After 7 years, I still forget that I can't just do physical things. I need to quit working hard and work smart. Many physical activities produce too much pain later. Also learning to do abdominal breathing has improved the shape of my ribcage and increased my stamina. A revelation to me how little adjustments mean a lot.

Jessie Al, Melissa and her son are in my prayers. Dona, may your surgery be successful and give you many years of good life. Keeping all those living with cancer in my heart this Christmas.

Sent by Sara (MD) | 9:53 AM ET | 12-13-2007

Hi Leroy,
As everyone has stated "hang in there."
There is one thing though that you (and I) can do that many people can't. I assume that you have had glasses since childhood, and are very nearsighted. If you are then you know the beauty of taking off your glasses and looking at the Christmas tree lights. They look like huge orbs of magic lights.
This is just a little joy, but that's what are world is made of-right?

Have a wonderful Christmas,Leroy, full of the love of friends,family, and God's love.

Sent by Sherri Beadles | 9:56 AM ET | 12-13-2007

Sometimes after all the stuff we've been through, it's the little things we appreciate. Have a good weekend Leroy.

Sent by Lisa | 9:58 AM ET | 12-13-2007

Leroy,
I too know what you mean. Things that I was previously able to do for myself, like taking a cereal bowl off the shelf, I now have to ask my husband to do. I have no strength in my arms or legs. I can squeeze out the toothpaste only with the greatest of difficulty. This is all the result of 6 rounds of chemo. I am hoping that at least the chemo has helped my NHL go back into remission again.

I know you will be back to the Leroy you want to be. You have a great capacity to be positive even in lousy situations.

Sent by Natalie | 10:05 AM ET | 12-13-2007

Such good food for thought today. I too have to stop and think before I do most things.

Getting out of bed without hurting my fractured hip, getting in and out of the car, picking things up, making the bed, bending to do the laundry. Even turning while standing.

My big fear is that the new tumor on my vertabra will start to hurt if we don't get the cyber knife treatment done soon. Fighting my insurance company for approval is not where I want to spend my energy, but it is where I am right now. They call it experimental...I call it saving my life.

Meanwhile I'm so glad I'm able to think twice, do what I can and laugh.

Sent by Laurel M. Jones | 10:05 AM ET | 12-13-2007

Please G-d, the pain will slowly OR QUICKLY decrease - pain takes over everything because it is all that we think about it when it is there.
Enjoy your tree - it will be lovely and thank G-d, you can have it to enjoy for a while.
Take care of you and let the others take care - G-d bless you.

Janice

Sent by Janice Goldberg White | 10:07 AM ET | 12-13-2007

Yes, it will be sweet indeed...and we will all cheer and share in your 'normal' day.

Sent by glenda | 10:09 AM ET | 12-13-2007

Dear Leroy,

I'm sure the day will come when you will be able to stand up and sit down with little or no effort. I guess we are all feeling a little down. This is a difficult time of the year with shorter/darker days and the pressure of the holidays. It give me solace to know that we are all here pulling for one another. Lean against us and take a rest dear friend. Allow us share some of your burden. Wishing you a speedy recovery.............

Sent by sasha | 10:10 AM ET | 12-13-2007

Morning Leroy,

You've come a long way, I hope your pain will subside soon. Pain is like a shadow over your life, I'm praying for some sunlight soon!

Sent by cv | 10:10 AM ET | 12-13-2007

Good morning, Leroy. I enjoyed watching the original members of Straight No Chaser perform their comedic version of "The Twelve Days of Christmas" at the Musical Arts Center, Bloomington, Indiana. December 7th, 1998. I thought you might enjoy it, if you haven't already seen them. Following is the link.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Fe11OlMiz8

Sent by Sharon | 10:11 AM ET | 12-13-2007

Dear Leroy,

So thankful you are here. I feel you are getting better!! As someone in this cancer family said something to the effect that cancer brings a narrowed version of life. So true, but there are ways of getting the most out of it and you are sure doing that!! "Hello to Laurie."

Love to all,
Betty Lewis

Sent by Betty Lewis | 10:13 AM ET | 12-13-2007

Leroy,
Your post reminded me of a time earlier this fall, after my husband and I had returned from visiting my daughter studying abroad. I was driving back to my office after lunch and realized that I'd been on auto-pilot, not paying much attention to where I was. I then remembered our time in Europe, when we had to pay close attention to everything, because not only were we in places with which we weren't familiar, we didn't speak the languages well, either.
I found myself hoping that I could find a way to "wake up" during my day to day, to pay attention to and appreciate what's always there. I'm hoping that you'll soon be able to do that, without pain prodding you along the way.
Thanks, too, for your comments about the Christmas bush. We got our tree yesterday and it's not as large as I'd like, though my husband's happy with it. I think I'll start referring to it as our Christmas bush.
Take care. I think about you every day and pray that soon you'll feel more like your old self.

Sent by Kathy Groh Canby | 10:18 AM ET | 12-13-2007

Leroy:

Burge always enjoyed a foot massage. I'm not a professional, but just the touching seemed to help.

You are in my thoughts today as I am having a bit of a hard time this morning...the only thing that seems to help is to remember you and those who are on the blog site. A prayer has been said for all of you.

Nikki

Sent by Nikki | 10:26 AM ET | 12-13-2007

My wife took pictures of my back after one, three and six months (I have a Stage IV brain cancer -GBM- in my spinal cord). It's good to know what's there when your health professionals discuss it. With the standard tatoo alignment dots and skilled hands of the nuerosurgeon, mine looks like a piece of art.

Sent by David | 10:34 AM ET | 12-13-2007

We are all looking fwd to the day when your mobility is back in full swing, cancer forces us to make plenty of adaptations. I feel where you are at, it's one baby step at a time.But you are a very strong person even if you don't always feel that you are. Blessings to you and all the blog participants from Sherri in Texas, BC dx 4-06

Sent by Sherri Eggleston | 10:50 AM ET | 12-13-2007

Leroy- I know I had trouble looking at my scar a year ago after surgery. But now I'm kinda proud of it. My battle scar!

Sent by DiAnn | 10:56 AM ET | 12-13-2007

I love your HOPE, Leroy! What an inspiration you are for all of us. Thank you!

Sent by Doris | 11:39 AM ET | 12-13-2007

Leroy,

You are such a teacher. Today my lesson was not to take for granted the simple things - like getting out of a chair without pain. Jeez. Sure do hope this passes from you SOON.

Sent by Diana Kitch | 12:37 PM ET | 12-13-2007

Dear Leroy and bloggers,
I am so thankful for the lives you touch on a daily basis. Its not just Leroy in pain, I read so many of you are out there fighting. Leroy, thank you so much for giving us an outlet to escape to. Please keep fighting, don't give up hope and I will keep praying.

Sent by Laurie Hirth | 12:48 PM ET | 12-13-2007

As I deal with spinal stenosis, I know what you are talking about. It's kinda amazing how the body figures out how to arrange itself for the least amount of pain. I always have to figure how far a parking lot is from a door, and if there are too many stairs, etc. And, of course, it includes having to have a stool to sit on in every room. But you do what you gotta do -- right? Hope that your experience is a temporary one, and that you won't have to give "moving" another thought someday.

Sent by Marilyn Trujillo | 12:58 PM ET | 12-13-2007

I appreciate so much the seriousness and responsibility you apply to this blog. You are reliable, and teach me about life and how to be an adult. Not just a person with cancer, or in a slow and painful recuperation from major surgery, but a human being who is creating a life, and claiming it. Thank you for your steadfastness. You give me strength.

Sent by Ceese Stickles | 1:47 PM ET | 12-13-2007

Look back at your posts from about two weeks ago...you've come a very long way in a very short time. Maybe that'll help boost your patience a bit. It's hard, I know, and there's really nothing to do except wait it out, but if there's any comfort in numbers, then remember you have a whole world o' fans and friends out here who really do understand what you're going through, and who are proof that it *does* get better!

Peace
jj

Sent by Joan Jones | 2:29 PM ET | 12-13-2007

Good Afternoon Leroy,Laurie and All,

Leroy, I know it is hard to have to stop and think about almost every move. All that planning gets old very quickly. But very soon, this too will be behind you. In the mean time slow and cautious is the way to go.

Laurie, I know you will be glad when some type of "normal" returns to your lives. It has been a long haul for both of you. And you both remain in my thoughts and prayers.

To Ed, Congratulations on your one year anniversary! That is indeed an accomplishment!!

To All, May the blessings of the Holiday Season always be with you and the path you are on be smooth. May the sunshine be with you where ever you go as you travel that path, be it fast or slow. God Bless!!

Eileen Pruyne
Charlotte, NC

Sent by Eileen Pruyne | 2:38 PM ET | 12-13-2007

Remember that car you had in college? I remember mine. The secret to starting it was to pump the gas twice, crank the engine for 5 seconds, let it rest for 10 seconds, pump the gas once more, then turn the key, and it would start up. It was not junk; it was a good car if you knew how to treat it.

I feel more empathy for that old car these days. Sometimes it feels like I'm just one good tune-up from being great. Until the right mechanic comes along, we learn to deal with what we have. While we may not be great, we are still good.

Sent by Gary | 2:58 PM ET | 12-13-2007

Lerpoy, Thank goodness we are adjustable!!! Pain seems to be the great equalizer, it brings big men down to size. When this is all over you will still be a big man, but with a whole new respect for the pain of recovery. Why do we need to have pain too, along with everything else we go through??? Stay Strong. Stan

Sent by Stan Wozniak | 3:29 PM ET | 12-13-2007

Leroy,

Hoping the pain recedes quickly and you return to activity that makes you feel better. We know how strong you are and pray that the strength overcomes the pain.

Sent by Marcy in NJ | 4:54 PM ET | 12-13-2007

Dear Leroy, You are a sturdy fellow. Are you sleeping better? I'd like an update, at some point, on that facet of your tortured road to recovery. Salee

Sent by salee | 6:51 PM ET | 12-13-2007

Leroy, I find it hard to ask about your stroke. Are the effects changing and hopefully getting better? My vision is still constantly changing since April when the stroke occured. I am frustrated by the loss of clear vision in either eye and also the loss of Pheriphal vision, which iss terrible and not getting any better. Would like to know how your's is doing if you care to address it. Otherwise, keep writing and I, for one, will be here waiting to listen and put my "two cents in" as usual.

Sent by J C R | 7:52 PM ET | 12-13-2007