You are such an encouraging person Leroy! Bless you for your attitude and generous giving nature.

In regards to yesterday's column, I wanted to say how sorry I am that you had so much pain with the shots. I flinched when I read that.

Also I wanted to encourage you by telling you that this summer was really hard for me as I was experiencing alot of pain and I lost 20 pounds quite fast - it was a bit unnerving to say the least...but the weight loss has stabalized and I've been doing better again, so just keep hanging in there.

We love you and you and yours (and all of you) are in our thoughts and prayers always!

Sent by Vicky (NY) | 7:34 AM ET | 01-10-2008

Leroy, Lots of hugs, prayers and love to you and to Laurie. I think it's our biggest fear no matter how at peace we become with this tenasious disease. I pray that God will bless you and Laurie with the renewed strength, peace and even joy you need to keep up your courageous fight. As many have said "you are our hero" in this battle we face daily, whether fighter or care giver.
A soft gentle loving hug to you both.
Paula

Sent by Paula Swink | 7:39 AM ET | 01-10-2008

I love the image of battling that last tumor and having it throw it's hands up in the air. The challenge is living with the c-word isn't it? Trying to enjoy life and all its ups and downs while always having that word around. I don't feel like there's enough support for the psychological effects of this illness. Thank goodness for blogs like yours where we can feel like we aren't alone.

Hope you find some enjoyment in this day.

Sent by sarah | 7:43 AM ET | 01-10-2008

Leroy and Laurie... From around the Beltway, around the country, and around the world, a (mostly silent) army of people are following your battle. I hope the power and prayers and positive energy coming from us can be felt by both of you and bring you strength.

Peggy

Sent by Peggy | 7:48 AM ET | 01-10-2008

Sometimes silence is the best response when I read today's news from Leroy. But my heart is with him.

Sent by Helene Weingarten | 7:49 AM ET | 01-10-2008

I think those of us surviving cancer are the relentless ones. In fact the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society sells a bracelet with the word RELENTLESS on it. Just like Jimmy V "Don't give up....don't ever give up!"

Sent by T | 7:50 AM ET | 01-10-2008

I know that you won't give-up. You've seen the beast, felt the beast and are fighting the beast with everything you have at your disposal! I hope that you have the physical and emotional energy to contiue your fight...but if you don't, it is really ok! I don't equate this to losing, giving up or that the cancer has won! You will have chosen a different path than the one you are on now. There is much to be said for peace and grace for the moment rather than just enduring. Until that time....I remain hopeful. My prayers to God for His mercy, grace and healing power continue each day for you and Laurie.

Yesterday's posts by your many blogger friends was awesome. Just a small glimpse to see what a difference you've made and are continuing to make in people's lives. You are our muse. You speak for and to us. In return, we offer you our prayers, best wishes, encouragement and support.

PS- Might try some protein shakes from the health food store to help stablize your weight loss. I lived on them while taking chemo. Put some bananas in it...really good.

Sent by Al Cato | 7:51 AM ET | 01-10-2008

Dear Leroy:

You may not ultimately win this battle with cancer, but you never, in my mind, will ever LOSE to it. I would prefer to think that you were overwhelmed by cancer. It can be overwhelming to the spirit and the body, but you are incapable of being a loser. Of that I am sure. I am not playing with words. I am stating the truth. I hope you reach some peace today.
Susan

Sent by Susan P | 8:04 AM ET | 01-10-2008

Leroy - cancer may have the last laugh but you are a winner. Sad to hear your news but don't give up hope. Keep doing what you do, and live each day!

I have your name on my shirt for the Arizona Marathon this weekend. If you want to see your name on my web page, go to http://www.active.com/donate/tntva/tntvaARitter2007 and look for your name in the scrolling list of "Ih Honor Of" names. If you want a photo of your name on my shirt, please email me after the race and I will get it to you.

Best wishes,
Art

Sent by Art Ritter | 8:09 AM ET | 01-10-2008

Good Morning Leroy,

There is definitely a different tone to today's message. There appears to be no keeping you down for long and that is truly good for I view it as the fight continues! Keep setting goals and putting something out there to achieve. Don't ever stop living.

PS a lot of readers/posters showed up yesterday with support.... YEA TEAM!

Sent by Sue Chap | 8:20 AM ET | 01-10-2008

Leroy,
I know that if even half the prayers that you have going for you work, you are in very good hands. Please add my name to the list of people that only wish good things for you.

Sent by Natalie | 8:26 AM ET | 01-10-2008

It's not about whether you win or lose but rather how you fight the war. And oh what a magnificent warrior you are.
"Lay on MacDuff".

Sent by Sue | 8:27 AM ET | 01-10-2008

Next time you are searching for a miracle, look in the mirror. Your determination is awe-inspiring. You are someone I wonder about on the weekends and look forward to catching up with on Monday mornings. I look forward to sharing 2008 with you.

Sent by Carrie | 8:31 AM ET | 01-10-2008

I think what I have most learned from cancer is that accepting treatment or not, YOU are the one making all the calls and in that way cancer can never defeat you. We also need to realize that because of this blog, all of the comments, and everyone that contributes to the fight against cancer, none of us ever lose the fight. Our stories and spirits keep fighting for other people living with cancer after we have gone. I bet cancer never saw that coming!

Sent by jen barad | 8:37 AM ET | 01-10-2008

Your amazing Leroy! My prayers are with you and Laurie...Stay strong! Laurie

Sent by Laurie Hirth | 8:40 AM ET | 01-10-2008

I don't know what to say as there is nothing to say. Except, you are a winner Leroy! You beat the odds as they were not in your favor to be here and you make a difference every damn day with your posts. Some people never do either.

You are loved and prayed for by more than you will ever know.

Hugs,

Lori

Sent by Lori | 8:52 AM ET | 01-10-2008

Stay strong. You have so much left to teach us.

Sent by Jay Kernis | 8:54 AM ET | 01-10-2008

Treat yourself and Laurie to the kind of party you had when you were teens-enjoy being reckless-take your pain meds and have one damn moment when all you think about is each other-it's a gift both of you will hold tight.

god bless your souls-Susan

Sent by Susan | 9:04 AM ET | 01-10-2008

Hey Leroy,

I was sorry to hear that your appt did not go well. I think we all know how that feels. I don't want to offer you any empty hopes but have you heard of molecular profiling? It's where they take a sample of a mets cancer site and look for cancer markers to determine the true type of cancer. I am aware of people that were being treated for a specific cancer based on it's location and the treatment was not working. After the profile they discovered it was actually a different type of cancer, so they treated it differently and BANG! erradicated in some cases and in others got it stable for a longer period! I know you have been through alot and perhaps this is not the answer for you but it is an option and I know of people who wouldn't have otherwise survived without the profiling. One group who is doing it is Molecular Profiling Institute. The contact for information on this process is Dr. Arlet Alarcon. She is a very nice lady who genuinely wants to help people and has seen it happen. Currently, they bill your insurance and eat whatever they don't pay because they are getting research out of it. We did a sample for my husband a couple of months ago but it was inconclusive. He started a new chemo (that last option that we know of now) so we have to wait until that doesn't work before trying again. I will spend every last dollar I have (and some friends dollars too!) to buy more time. Deep down inside I know that in my husbands case, its just about buying more time. I will continue to pray for you Leroy. I know these are dark days but the sun will shine on you again. Just hold on to one another until then. Thank you for sharing your pain to help others. You are an anchor for so many.

Sent by Sarah Senter | 9:05 AM ET | 01-10-2008

One thing cancer has taught me is that miracles sometimes don't look like you'd think they would.

You'll be in my thoughts all day! Sending a hug.

Sent by Patti Niehoff | 9:19 AM ET | 01-10-2008

I believe that if you believe you are going to keep going, Leroy. I have never offered advice to you before but do you do any kind of dietary things? The protein shakes are the good idea. Juicing, accupuncture, yoga. I know you have a million suggestions, but I just have to speak up. And you may already be doing these things! But we all care and are your army.

Sent by Becky | 9:31 AM ET | 01-10-2008

my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Sent by sue mcpeek | 9:35 AM ET | 01-10-2008

Leroy, here's to letting you know what a healing presence you are in my life.

Sent by Lisa | 9:52 AM ET | 01-10-2008

Hi Leroy,
I have posted only one time prior to this,and for that,I am sorry. There are days that I avoid reading your blog because it is too painful for me. I always feared that I would be reading a version of todays post. I will not tell you too "continue to be brave" or 'hang in there". After a time those phrases reap bitterness, rather than hope and encouragement. I think about you every day and I want to wish you peace and joy.

Sent by janine martini | 9:53 AM ET | 01-10-2008

Thank you, Leroy. Thank you for your fight, your courage, your honesty, your gift of sharing your humanity.

I wish you all of the strength you can use as you continue your fight. Remember, the cancer is not you.

Kindly,

Elaine

Sent by Elaine Barnes | 9:54 AM ET | 01-10-2008

God bless you and your family Leroy. You are an inspiration to this cancer inflicted family. Thank you doesn't seem enough to express how much we appreciate you being there. You are a good man.

I hope you have a good day.

Take care.

Judy

Sent by Judy Voller | 9:55 AM ET | 01-10-2008

Leroy,
We are in that boxing ring with you all the way!
Wendy

Sent by wendynarzem | 9:56 AM ET | 01-10-2008

LeRoy, I was diagnosed with colon cancer 2A in december 06. i got the surgery and then got the 12 sessions of severe "optional" chemo. i started reading your blog after i finished chemo in August 07. everyone sees my situation as being basically good news, that the cancer was "stopped in time." However, the reason i started reading your blog was that i saw that you too had recovered from colon cancer for 4.5 years and then got hit with cancer again. i didn't and don't see any reason why this couldn't happen to me too. so i've read your blog so that i remain grounded, so that i know each decision i make on a daily basis is important because i may have a very finite period of time left. if i have that 4.5 window that you had before the next awful diagnosis, i want to have fully enjoyed each day before i hear it again. i think you have been incredibly brave and courageous. i don't know if i will do nearly as well if i follow all the way in your footsteps. i remember that whole heart in my throat sensation when I got the total "explanation" of my condition and really do not look forward to ever experiencing that again. that is probably what you are feeling right now and it is a horrible, very solitary feeling that no one else can truly share with you at that moment. i thought about you off and on all day yesterday and will do so again today. so i am on the road too, right behind you every step of the way. carol

Sent by carol irvin | 10:02 AM ET | 01-10-2008

Leroy
My favorite trick for putting the cancer in its place is to make a list of all the good things that have happened to me since I was diagnosed four years ago. That's how you know the cancer is not winning. Peace & blessings.

Sent by Miriam | 10:02 AM ET | 01-10-2008

i am VERY sad ...i HATE cancer.obviously.

Sent by marianne dalton | 10:09 AM ET | 01-10-2008

Dear Leroy,
I admire your honesty. I too believe that short of a miracle, there WILL be some point where the body just can't handle it anymore. My husband and I struggle each day trying to think positive and stay brave, but still have a deep feeling of hoplessness and despair about his cancer. As much as we try to push it to the back of our mind, there is always something to remind you that ITS there, whether it be a scan, blood test, chemo treatment or consultation. This brings to mind the opening statement on the Discovery Channel. " It's not about living, it's not about dying, it's about LIVING WITH CANCER. Only those of us in "Cancer World" truly know what those three words mean!

As always, prayers to you, Laurie and our wonderful blog community.

Sent by Sasha | 10:18 AM ET | 01-10-2008

Dearest Leroy,

I was devastated by your news yesterday, and have thought of you constantly since. I am so sad, so angry, and so frustrated. I know you have top-notch doctors, and they're doing all they can, but I just feel like screaming: "Somebody HELP HIM!!!". I'm just not ready to accept that cancer might succeed in it's efforts to take your life, even eventually, after all you've been though. I'm not taking this well at all. I've cried on and off since yesterday. Somebody not familiar with this blog would probably say I'm a nut case, and maybe I am, but I've come to love and admire you so, it's really hard. You, of course, seem to be taking it with your usual wisdom and courage. This seems so unfair. I am now asking "Why". Why do the best and brightest, the most wonderful people have to suffer so? Put their bodies through so much, only to have cancer ultimately succeed. (I'm not going to say "win", ever.) I'm very, very down, but not giving up either. I still have hope that something will show itself, even if it's just another finger to plug the dike for more years, if they can be pain-free years. Surely they can do something about your pain, if nothing else. Be just as relentless in your quest to find something to help you hurt less. Yes, kick cancer's butt and kick it hard! Keep looking, keep hoping. Keep praying. You're in my thoughts, prayers, and heart today. Much love to you and Laurie.

Sent by Connie | 10:18 AM ET | 01-10-2008

Leroy -

It's been a while since I wrote - but I have read every blog every day. I have been dealing with my own health issues.

I wanted to thank you for allowing us to share in your journey. Your blog puts in writing what so many of us feel, but never write or say. You are an amazing person.

My sincere wish and prayers for you is that you fight this as long as possible. I dread the day that comes when I don't see your blog coming to my email. I don't know you but feel you are my friend. Thank you just is so simple but it is so important to say to you... I am a survivor and I thank you for saying what I so often feel, believe, think, etc.

Prayers to you and your family that you continue to stay on this side of winning!

Andi

Sent by Andi Arabak | 10:40 AM ET | 01-10-2008

Thinking of you and praying for you.

Sent by Julie | 10:42 AM ET | 01-10-2008

Good morning: Like many others, I am filled with admiration and gratitude for the courage and honesty, humour and grace that Leroy and many others bring to this blog; your stories help me to make sense of my own experiences. I have turned often to a particular book for solace and comfort. It's called Choices in Healing by Michael Lerner and available on-line through Commonweal. It's a book that starts out with a chapter on never giving up hope. It was published in 1994 so some of the discussion of medical and alternative treatments for cancer may be dated but the overall approach and the rigour that Lerner brings to working through the various ways to treat cancer and to heal mind, body and spirit are impressive and inspiring. The website address is
http://www.commonweal.org/pubs/choices-healing.html

I am sending warmest wishes, thoughts and prayers as the sun rises on a wintry day in Alberta.

Jen S.

Sent by Jen S | 10:46 AM ET | 01-10-2008

Leroy, What's next? Are the doctors trying to come up with something? Are you in severe pain right now? You are an amazing person and I am praying for you and Laurie.

Sent by Ruth White | 10:48 AM ET | 01-10-2008

Hang in there!!!!!!!

Sent by Liz L. | 11:00 AM ET | 01-10-2008

Hugs to you and Laurie as you continue to wage the relentless battle. I keep up with your column and you are an inspiration. I know you wouldn't think that of yourself, but it's true. Your words mean so much to all of us who are facing the beast.

Cristina

Sent by Cristina Trapani-Scott | 11:02 AM ET | 01-10-2008

Something about the way you spoke of the battle with cancer reminded me of Elisabeth Kubler-Ross's once observing that only when she said "yes" to terrible pain and stop fighting it, did it at last begin to subside. I remember being struck for that, and try it in my own life when needed, and when it is clear that fighting pain is not making any headway. I mention this only in case you or others find the approach worth experimenting with. Am not trying to tell anyone what to do, or what will work...

I always feel gratitude at your way of looking at things, Leroy. You and Laurie and your inner circle remain much in my thoughts as I move through my days, and pop to mind when I wake in the night. I wish you and all beings the gift of sweet time, the gift of good time, the gift of finding gratitude still alive and well in the midst of uncertainty.

Sent by Sarah | 11:07 AM ET | 01-10-2008

???The measure of life is not its duration but its donation.??? U.S. Senate Chaplain Peter Marshall

Thank you for putting into words what is so difficult for the rest of us to articulate. Your blog has provided comfort and support to one scared woman in Oregon and millions of people around the world. No matter what lies ahead, take comfort in the fact that you have donated in full.

Sent by Julie | 11:08 AM ET | 01-10-2008

Indeed you have and will!

Sent by Marcia | 11:14 AM ET | 01-10-2008

Hi Leroy,

I was waiting to hear how the draining of your lung went. I have had it done 7 times so far. It is the worse pain I have felt so far. But it is better than the damn fluid collecting taking yor breath away. Did they say anything about putting in a drain? They can then scar the tissue so the fluid doesn't come back. You have been in my thoughts and prayers.I have been battling stage 1v lung cancer for the last year. I am still happy to be here. Life is so strange isn't it? Who would of thought that cancer was such a horrible beast. I still don't nderstand the words, " A ouragous battle with cancer?" It seems to me you just have to do all you can to survive no matter what. What is couragous about that? I wish you well my friend. Just remember ( lung drained 7 times!)

Sent by Diane | 11:27 AM ET | 01-10-2008

My words may sound harsh to some, but I truly believe that there is a point when one takes a step aside, looks at one's own life and determine where it fits in one's own concept of dignity...

I suppose that the ultimate marker for dignity, the ultimate victory over cancer as well as over any life treatening situation, is to stay in control and able to choose the next educated move.

Leroy you are fully in control. By reading you, I suspect that once you made your decision, whatever it is, you will reach peace.

If you choose to keep fighting, you will be kicking the hell out of the damned tumors, and death will catch you in mid-air.

If you choose to let go, you will find this inner peace that your loved ones will cherish and share.

Whatever you decide... You are blessed with much love around you. But it stinks that you have to decide so early.

Much love,

Fran.

Sent by Fran. | 11:34 AM ET | 01-10-2008

I have followed your blog periodically over the past year. I have no advice - only the knowledge that you will do what is right - at the right time. I remember you mentioning some time ago that you asked your doctors to tell you when you needed to go to Hawaii. I hope you can go and really enjoy the trip, the scenery, and precious moments...whenever the time is right.

Sent by Alice | 11:35 AM ET | 01-10-2008

Yes, Leroy -- fight on!Beat the crap out of it!We're in your corner.(Kind of crowded here...)

At the same time, I hope you'll consider some of the many suggestions on yesterday's blog that may help with pain relief. Sometimes when there are so many postings, a late one may get missed. Take a look at What Neil suggested at 5:10 a.m.. He is someone who works on cancer drugs and he sugested a specific drug that might help with the pleurisy.

I'm hoping you will find something to nourish your spirit today - music, a beautiful view out your window, a gentle massage, a poem, a prayer.

Sent by Doris | 11:35 AM ET | 01-10-2008

I wrote this poem for my father, who passed away from lung cancer in October, 1998. He laughed and told me not to quit my day job after I read it to him. I took his advice, but thought I'd share it with you anyway...

The Cancer Rap

Cancer, you are pushy
And we're gonna kick your tushie,
Right into the street,
Our spirit you can't defeat.

So, cancer do your stuff,
And maybe we'll say "enough."
But cancer, you can't shake it,
Because no matter what, we'll make it.

Our bodies may give out,
And you'll yell a victory shout,
But no matter what the end,
You'll never really win.

I pray for you and your family everyday, Leroy.

Sent by Joyce in FL | 11:55 AM ET | 01-10-2008

I'm very sad by your news and how you are feeling. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Take care.

Sent by Debbie | 11:55 AM ET | 01-10-2008

Leroy, Thank you for your honesty once again. We must not pretend to know exactly how you feel, but be reminded that there are many brothers and sisters here -- we cry with you, hurt with you, and pray that you will have grace and strength for every single moment of this journey.

Sent by Jill | 12:00 PM ET | 01-10-2008

Leroy, Can't your doctors find out what type of Cancer your's is and what triggers it off? 25 yrs ago they put some of my cancer cells in a Petri dish and discovered that Estrogen was what made them "take off", as the surgeon told me then. They removed all the Estrogen and here I am today and just got a clean report from my latest Mamography. What type of cancer do you have or maybe there are different ones attacking your body??

Sent by J C R | 12:20 PM ET | 01-10-2008

Leroy,
I started reading your blog last August when my mother told me that she wrote to you. She was also being treated for lung cancer just like you. She was diagnosed in May of 2006. Mom went through having the fluid drained from her chest too. That gave her relief from the pain. In December 2006 that fluid became infected and as a last resort, the doctors surgically "pealed" off the plurum and the fluid never returned. That was a very difficult procedure leaving her in IC on a ventaltor for several days. She, like you, was very strong and came back from that feeling great. I am sorry to say that the cancer finally got the best of Mom and she passed away on October 19. I stayed with her full-time for 5 weeks to attend to her every need. My oldest brother was there too. Although, that was the toughest thing that we ever had to do...taking care of Mom was also the greatest blessing in our lives. You see, the cancer didn't win - it took her from us - but, Mom won. She lived to the fullest everyday. Even if she had chemo or radiation that day, she woke with a smile and never gave up. We all belive in Miracles, but, I read a comment yesterday that sometimes we might not recognize them. Today my Mother is dancing with the Lord in Heaven and is watching over us all. She would send you her very best wishes and hope with you that the cancer won't win, but, you Leroy will win. God bless, Susan from Michgan

Sent by Susan Johnson | 1:04 PM ET | 01-10-2008

AMEN, Leroy!

Sent by Amy, NJ | 1:18 PM ET | 01-10-2008

Cancer will not have won no matter what happens. You are fighting with a huge army that you have inspired to stand up and keep fighting. This army will never give up because you have shown all what true strength and courage can accomplish.

Robin

Sent by robin | 1:25 PM ET | 01-10-2008

Dear Leroy,

Never forget that YOU ARE A MIRACLE to so many people. You provided an open, welcoming forum for people with cancer, caregivers and so many others to voice their fears, frustrations, concerns and love. That you created this community of caring and hope is a miracle and you should be so proud.

I will keep praying for those medical miracles to happen as well!

Sent by Merin | 1:25 PM ET | 01-10-2008

Stay strong. More prayers coming your way!

Sent by Laura | 1:28 PM ET | 01-10-2008

Dear Leroy: My heart is with you and Laurie. I am saddened by your news - I read your blog everyday and feel like you are my friend. While of course physically and emotionally you might feel so differently, in my humble opinion, you have beat cancer a million times over. You've opposed the many destructive facets of cancer by creating a forum that serves as a support group for so many people.
So much love and peace to you.

Sent by liz hamilton | 1:42 PM ET | 01-10-2008

Leroy: I am new to your updates and I wanted to thank you for your wonderful spirit and your continued forward movement.

I have vicariously lived through your experience as my boyfriend (RCC)struggled with pleurisy and went through the procedure you described at least 7 times. Other than his sense of humor to want to have a "show and tell" with the output, he too, described it as "not all that much fun".

I thank you for sharing, encouraging and being a true "poster child" for your network of bloggers. Having lived through all of it (and I mean all of it - experimental treatments, trials, etc.) with someone else, I can say that you have a VERY strong consitution and a solid support network. I don't know if you have faith also, but if so, you are truly in a battle that you can't lose.

With wishes that this blog were a petition that with enough signatures could "stop the cancer",

Stacey

Sent by Stacey Adams | 1:45 PM ET | 01-10-2008

Leroy,

I don't think the cancer is going to win. You may be getting beaten up by it now, but I think you are going to win. Because you don't want be a loser to the disease. You know a true miracle is something that cannot be explained in any other way than an act of God. Have you tried praying? I don't know what your religious experience is, but I too used to be an agnostic. Until I had a miraculous revelation. Mine came as a break though insight in the middle of the worst case of manic bipolar depression I think that doctors had ever seen. I had an Epiphany and moment of enlightened Grace that others around me saw and knew also at the same time. Before that I was under the misapprehension that all was lost and that I would simply be ill for the rest of my Life. That is not what the Lord Wants! He wants you to be Well! Ask Him yourself! Like you I thought all those religionists were dreaming or imagining something merely comfortable. No! He Lives! He is REAL, and He does want you to be healthy and LIVE! Ask Him in your secret moments and quietude. He will respond when you are ready. I did, and he answered, d today I am well. I don't know how, but He does......!

Sent by charlie | 1:56 PM ET | 01-10-2008

Isn't that the irony? Even if someone dies, like so many of my friends and I almost did a few times, the cancer really doesn't 'win', it thinks it does, but it too, dies. I've always found that ironic...but you will win regardless. Prayers storming your way!

Sent by Rachel B | 2:18 PM ET | 01-10-2008

Leroy,

I don't know about you but I have certainly shed a few tears yesterday and today. I know every day we all get just one step closer since life is terminal. However, I have seen so many succumb to this horrible disease and no matter how much you "root" for them; no matter how much you hope for them; no matter how many miracles drop in their path, the pain and anger seems to be all that survives the battle.

I am truly sorry to hear the latest news and I want to reiterate how much you have given back to all of us. Your enduring faith and hope has been one of the greatest inspirations of my life.

Wishing you only the best.

Sent by Ed Brown | 2:25 PM ET | 01-10-2008

The only thing better than reading your posts are the comments posted in response. Some really good ones here in response to your obviously sucky news.
I like what Peggy says today about people all over following your story and not only that but gaining so much from this whole conversation. Thank you.

Sent by Julie | 2:31 PM ET | 01-10-2008

Leroy,
thank you for this post. You should read Kris Carr's blog from time to time. She calls it "canser" because she says that makes it p'oed. Jen thanks for the link to the commonweal chapters. I read the first chapter about his father's cancer. I am sure my cancer in my left breast is the result of my heart being broken. My hope is I will find someone who wants to help mend it. Even with all my Sharpie x's and o's!

Sent by Dianne (DC) | 2:31 PM ET | 01-10-2008

Leroy,

I have never sent anything to you before, just stayed in the background and read your blog everyday, but now I have this undeniable urge to write to you. First of all, I don't have cancer, my 51-year-old brother does. It is stage 4, started in the colon, then to the liver and who knows where else. This man never smoked, was healthy as a horse, ran 5K races almost every weekend. I have never seen anything take such control over a body and spirit as this beast has. He watched your special last year, as a matter of fact he called me while it was on. He told me that this is his life now. Chemo, labwork, etc, etc. He lives in Buffalo, and I live in Binghamton, New York so seeing him is at a premium, especially with the Buffalo snow storms. Anyway Leroy, I just want you to know how proud I am of the fight you have waged against this beast. My brother has declared war also. He is definitely not on the winning end right now, and I am almost praying that he can be freed from all his pain. I have read about your war day after day and I just pray that you can win little battles along the way. It's like I tell him, if you can get rid of the pain, that is one small victory. Then we can move on to other battles. I pray for you, and for all the others who are suffering. Thank you for letting us see into your world, as tough as it may be. You inspire me and help me to keep my brother going too.

Praying for you, Cathy O

Sent by Cathy Oliva | 3:08 PM ET | 01-10-2008

Leory,

I am touched this morning by the GRACE you have in your current situation. We can't control what happens to us sometimes, but we sure can decide how we're going to handle it. You are one classy fellow!

Sent by Diana Kitch | 3:12 PM ET | 01-10-2008

Holding YOU in the LIGHT, Leroy.

Sent by Vi | 3:13 PM ET | 01-10-2008

Dear Leroy,

I really feel terrible for you and Laurie, and my thoughts and prayers are with you every day. No matter what, at least you have each other to hang on to, and that is worth TONS, in the whole scope of this situation.

You know, Leroy, you have the best doctors in the world to help you, and you are still suffering. There are those
who suffer the emotional devastation of NOT HAVING THE BEST DOCTORS available to them, and it makes me very, very distressed that this issue is not addressed more often. I do not want to be a party pooper, but there are those of us who are suffering, and not very silently, but getting NO TREATMENT, no attention to speak of, and no help, emotional or medical. This is a sad reality of the lack of consistency in the CANCER WORLD.

I wish there was one day, just one, where there was not a cheering crowd of people singing praises of the medical community and all of the wonderful things they are doing for victims of cancer. Not all of us are enjoying these benefits, and THAT is the reality that divides those living in the world of the haves and have-nots. I wish you would address this issue and the emotional impact on someone who is very ill, and has no one to support them, no crowd to cheer them on. This is a reality in many cases, and I believe it is important that these people are not left out of the loop, and given fair consideration.

I have kept silent for a long time, and feel very angry today that those of us who are not privy to the WONDERFUL WORLD OF CANCER MEDICINE are counted and heard.

Anonymous

Sent by Anonymous | 3:36 PM ET | 01-10-2008

To Anon: Larry has said many times how grateful he is for the good treatment he receives. This was mentioned also in the TV show.

Each visit to our treatment center, I am reminded of how fortunate my husband is to have good insurance through my employer as we watch those who obviously are having a very difficult time economically.

Yes, we are very lucky that I have a job with good benefits through hard work and good fortune. Benefits that allowed my husband to receive very good treatment. To keep the benefits,I head out to work every day rather than spending my husband's last months with him as I would like to do. And we certainly can't afford to travel as people like to suggest to me.

I am sad that we live in a country without comprehensive health care. I consistently cast my vote to try to change this great wrong, but it is a long time coming.

Anon, we all come to the end with or wihtout "wonderful world" treatment. The agressive treatment my husband has received (about 10 surgeries and 3 different chemo regimens) in three years. He regrets having the surgery that removed his bladder with all its impacts to quality of life. Surgeons are eager to operate, but even when they are skilled, there are unpleasant side effects. And the chemo has robbed him of so much, too.

So now he is just living. No treatment. Living his life until there is no more, which is all any of us can really do.

Leroy - there are plenty of us out here. Living until we can no longer. None of us has a guarantee of the days we have.

My thoughts are with you, and my husband. And Anon who feels so much pain.

Shalom

Sent by Lennea | 4:28 PM ET | 01-10-2008

Dear Leroy,

I have been reading your blog every day and wrote in only once. My partner was diagnosed with non Hodgkins lymphoma in 12/04 and fought fiercely and courageously until she died on 2/18/07 in the ICU. During her illness, when we would be at the outpt clinic or the inpt unit for treatment, she would often comment on how many people seemed to have some kind of cancer and why was it that nothing could be done. Like you, she had the best medical care available, but in the end, as one doctor told us, "the disease has taken over her body." It's true - you are in the fight of your life, for your life and I think of you every day. I am sorry you're in pain. I am sorry for your mental anguish and anxiety. I am sorry for all that Laurie is going through. I know the experience for me was life changing, depressing, exhaustive, full of so many ups and downs - a real roller coaster ride.

No one can tell someone else to stop fighting - Donna never gave up - she fought to the bitter end. Do whatever it is you have to do Leroy. I'll support you all the way. My thoughts and prayers are with you and Laurie.

Sent by Susan Harmon | 4:37 PM ET | 01-10-2008

Leroy,

I am praying for you.

Sent by Marcy in NJ | 4:38 PM ET | 01-10-2008

Dear Anonymous:

I hear what you are saying, and my heart goes out to you as well. I have a friend whose mother passed away from breast cancer who did not have half the medical resources, or family support that my mother does as she goes through this awful cancer journey. She has all of us, great insurance, someone to drive her to her appointments and doctors who listen to her. I don't know how anyone could even attempt to face the horrors of this disease without those resources. I know that even with everything going on with them, Leroy, and my Mom both have it so much better than many others. It really doesn't dull the pain, or the fear, though. It's unbearable all around. I did want you to know that I do realize what you are saying, and I care about you, and what you are going through. I would be honored to be there for you as you go through this and help you in any way I can, which may not be much, but I will try. And I must thank Charlie, who blessed my heart with his post. Thank you.

Connie

Sent by Connie | 4:57 PM ET | 01-10-2008

Leroy and Laurie, you are in our thoughts and prayers every day...

Mary Gail and Gordon

Sent by Mary Gail Swenson | 5:19 PM ET | 01-10-2008

Dear Leroy,

I am so sorry to read your discouraging news. I just want you to know that someone in Ohio cares about what you are going through.

Maybe you'll have better news tomorrow.

Warmly,

Sent by Jane | 5:22 PM ET | 01-10-2008

Dear Leroy, I am one of the quiet readers that have followed your journey and blog since your appearance on "nightline". I continue to be amazed with your strength and ability to uplift others even on days that are the most difficult. You truly have been a precious gift that utilized a medium and touched the world. We pray for your comfort and our thoughts are with you now as much as they have been each and every day.

Sent by Debbie | 5:54 PM ET | 01-10-2008

You are a true inspiration. Regardless of the outcome you are a winner and have helped countless patients and their caregivers. Thank you so much.

Sent by Joan Kelly | 6:15 PM ET | 01-10-2008

Thinking of you Leroy and all those going through difficult times today. You are the ultimate winner in anyone's book. Best regards.

Nacy O

Sent by Nancy Oliveri | 6:23 PM ET | 01-10-2008

I feel I must comment to Anonymous. My sister is a cancer patient, almost survivor, in 2 months, I will say that with more confidence. She had no insurance when diagnosed in November 2005. I suppose we are fortunate to live in an area that has a county supported healthcare system. She is now covered by medicaid and May of this year, she will receive early medicare. Her treatment was county funded, and she received absolutely phenomenal care! Never when we went into the hospital did a staff member not speak to us, or assist us without question.

There is quality care for those without insurance or means, you just have ask and seek it out.

Sent by Sue Chap | 6:58 PM ET | 01-10-2008

Dear Leroy,

First of all I want to apoligize for my temper earlier but there comes a time in everyone's life when, if your back is up against a wall and you have no where else to turn, you turn to those you care for and love and try to let go of the fear and anger you are feeling inside. This is what happened to me, I had read enough, and in my anguish and fear, I lashed out to this community, because I know I can trust all of you with my feelings.

I will not apologize for the content, but in my delivery. It was crass and seemed very rude after I hit the "post" button, but I am passionate about how I feel about this issue. I have begged and screamed for the proper treatment, have medical insurance which pays very well for every one of the few and far between treatments, and I do not understand why I am left in fear that I will, or have already had, a recurrence in my cancer, but I cannot get straight answers to find out the truth about my case. I have written before about this issue, and feel it is important to speak for all of those of us who are left out in the cold, for whatever reason in the medical community. Well I have every reason not to trust the physician who did not read the scans that showed possible mets to the bones, a spot on my lung and a mass on my kidney and was so embarrassed about it, just referred me to another physician.

I do not have family support, and my friends stopped coming over to the house after they saw I was "doing just fine" after surgery, and now I am alone and hurt, and devastated that my life seems to have come to a total of zero, as far as those who professed to care about me. Who would not be angry, in these circumstances, but I did not have the good sense and judgement to keep these thoughts to myself, and just continue to support you as I have so many times in the past.

Please accept this apology, and I hope the community also will forgive my outburst. It is a culmination of many, many months of fear and anxiety that brought me to this point, but it should never have been allowed to explode on this forum as it did. I support you and Laurie in your decisions, whatever they may be, and I pray for you every day. You are in my heart, just a much as you are in the hearts of everyone else who has posted here today. I hope you understand my frustrations, and will forgive my indiscretions.

God bless you, Leroy and Laurie, in your journey now and in the future days to come. You shall remain in my heart and my thoughts, and I am sincere in my quest for forgiveness.

Love, Anonymous

Sent by Anonymous | 7:18 PM ET | 01-10-2008

Leroy - I missed your note yesterday - and was hit with a double whammy from you today - you know that my prayers and positive thoughts are with you - hope and pray that this damned thing can be stopped - but more realistically i hope and pray that you will be able to control the pain and not feel so awful. much love an prayers to you.

janice goldberg white

Sent by janice goldberg white | 7:18 PM ET | 01-10-2008

Leroy and Laurie,

I am sending much love your way.

Thank you for all you have done and will continue to do for all of us.

I would love to see your beautiful posts compiled into a book.

Lori

Sent by Lori Hope | 7:53 PM ET | 01-10-2008

Leroy,

WE are all here for you and Laurie. It is I who has had the privilege of getting to know you for the wonderful human being you are. I am indeed blessed. May you find comfort and peace my friend.

Sent by Nancy Owen | 8:06 PM ET | 01-10-2008

Hello, Leroy,

You've beaten your original predicted expiration date(s) with quite a few extended warranties. I hope and pray that there will be another extended warranty on the horizon for you. You know we will be here every step of the way for that and rejoice.

If it goes the other way you know we will all be here with you every step of the way for that, unless any of us get there first like Stephanie.

That is the way life goes.

I'm praying for a pocketful of miracles for you, my cousin, every person in this community, and maybe for myself, too.

Sincerely,
Bobbie
Odessa, Texas

Sent by Bobbie Hollis | 9:30 PM ET | 01-10-2008

I have lurked and never posted but found your comments always helpful and have passed on your blog to others with other types of major life threatening health issues, and as a lymphoma survivor I had and have your fears and concerns, and always it seemed you would win and could win..I am distressed and concerned by these latest developements and like all the other posters wish and hope the best for you

Sent by Dick White | 10:02 PM ET | 01-10-2008

Dear Anonymous, You are right. The entire health delivery system in this country is broken, very broken. And those of us who have the good fortune to be on the side of high quality care are aware of this disparity, just by looking at our own care. What most of us would like to see is affordable AND high quality care for all. I can only speak for myself, but this situation has become my litmus test for candidates running for public office at any level.

Anonymous, I hope that through some organization -maybe the American Cancer Society - you can find access to a social worker that can help you get all of the care and emotional support that you need for now, without regard to your ability to pay. Please consider giving them a call.

Sent by Sheara | 10:34 PM ET | 01-10-2008

Leroy: Late night, good thoughts to you.

Anon: We, my husband Burge and I, saw you, alone, waiting for your scans and hopefully we spoke to you in the waiting room or gave you directions for finding the right room or at least tried to make your stay a little lighter with small talk.

We saw you, alone, checking in at the desk and knew that were blessed, not by great insurance...wrong company which cost us property that had been in the family since 1912, property which took the life of a great Uncle as he hand dug a well for water...but we were still fortunate to have something to sell.

We saw you walking the halls after your surgery, with only the paid nurse, and I prayed for you, as I tried to add others in my fearful times in the hospital with Burge.

We saw you, crying quietly, alone in the rose garden behind the hospital, and we smiled as we passed, but Burge was fighting great depression then and perhaps we didn't really notice and should have stopped.

I hope in the end, we remember you, as our many friend remember Burge and offer their help to me and my sons...I hope that we did right by you, as yes, we did see you there alone and we knew somewhat, how you felt.

Nikki

Sent by Nikki | 11:13 PM ET | 01-10-2008

Leroy - I've been reading your blog ever since I watched the Ted Kopple piece on television. I am an 11+ year cancer survivor. I cannot tell you how much your words mean to me. My heart goes out to you and your family. You have to be one of the most brave people I know to open yourself up to so many. Please keep fighting because you have the thoughts and prayers of so many of us fighting for you.

Sent by Teddi | 11:25 PM ET | 01-10-2008

Leroy, Although Ben, my 19 yr old friend, is not here now with us on this earth; he wrote a letter to his family and friends on Thanksgiving Day 2006, two days prior to his death. I'll quote a small part of what he said that day, while being hooked up to a ventolator. "... I think it is important to understand that, though my young age, I am ready for this journey and am not afraid to partake of this journey. It is important not to be afraid for me, but be glad..." With this thought in mind, Benjamin Paul Cupps, age 19, began his new journey on Nov. 25th, 2006.Not with fear but rather with anticipation.
Ben's parents asked of us, his friends, that we would remember Ben with some of his favorite activites. One of his qualities was to see the humor in any situation. Another would be to plant a tree in his honor, of which I'm particpating in. My hope and prayer is that we all face our own death,with a fine death song as the native americans did.You are in my thoughts also Leroy, may you have the strenght, courage, and piece of mind you need to faces the coming days, weeks, months,or years.May the force be with you, LukeSkywalker

Sent by Leah Wellman | 11:27 PM ET | 01-10-2008

Leroy,
I have been following your progress for months through my e-mail. Thanks for sharing your challenges and successes. You are amazingly strong and "a true warrior". God Bless You and I pray for you daily.

Sent by Karla Preston | 1:46 AM ET | 01-11-2008

Leroy,

I agree, we have to give the cancer a battle. Otherwise we are giving up. I do not want to do that. You keep fighting.

Hugs, Betty

Sent by Betty Kern | 3:15 AM ET | 01-11-2008

Can't sleep tonight and was thinking of you. You're one of the bravest people I've ever encountered (and I've never actually "encountered" you - ha!) The other two bravest were bestest friends Joan and Marge.

If both of them were still here, they'd both tell you: Do not sit there quietly and HURT. There is no virtue in pain and suffering, despite what pundits like my parents say. T'aint so. Speak up for yourself. Please. Joan and Marge are telling me to tell you this tonight.

Sent by Victoria Ferreira | 3:24 AM ET | 01-11-2008

Leroy,Hang in there!!!

Sent by dorothy in oregon | 3:25 AM ET | 01-11-2008

You are so right Leroy, Cancer is Relentless! You are a true inspiration and certainly you have kicked cancers @$$ along the way. Keep on fighting.

Sent by Brian Dowd | 8:14 AM ET | 01-11-2008

Dear Leroy, For me, "Hate" is a strong word. I hate cancer. I hate what it is doing to you and I hate what it has done to me and others. I am so proud of you. You put down the words in print how most of us really feel and would like to say but, can't find the words. We are one with you.

Sent by Carolyn | 8:28 AM ET | 01-11-2008

Leroy & Laurie - I have posted a few times - once to tell you how my husband with multiple myeloma had the "glue job" that helped him so much. You haven't heard from me since he passed on October 14. No matter how many times we were told (and I told myself) that MM has no cure, deep inside I always hoped that he might just beat it. I have been a nurse for over 30 years, and I have an observation after watching cancer patients "then" & "now". By the way, I am a breast cancer survivor, too, so I am not referring to the "other guy". I am one of you, too. Cancer was bad then, and it continues to be bad now, however I am truly amazed at the quality of life we were able to have Paul achieve the last few months of his life. I made sure we took advantage of every measure known to make him comfortable so that he could do what he wanted to do as long as he could. I was blessed to have him spend the last part of his journey with me, although I miss him so much every day. I always told him that at some point, when he had had enough, that it was OK. His oncologist told me that Paul told him he had had enough- the Dr. said that Paul didn't want to let me down to think that he didn't feel he had it in him to fight any more. From what I've read on your post (every day since the TV special), no two guys on this planet have fought this horrible disease harder than you and my husband, Paul. I'm not saying that I think you are done fighting, because I don't think you are. Just know, that if that time comes, it's OK. You won't be letting anybody down. I look at what you and Paul have put yourselves through, and no one could possibly be disappointed in someone who gave it everything they have. Laurie - I know exactly what you are going through - my prayers are with you and Leroy every day. Do what you want, keep yourself comfortable, and savor every day. Only the one above knows what is in the future. God bless both of you, and know that this blog has been a blessing - not only for you but for others as well. Don't worry, we've got your back. Jeanette Carney

Sent by Jeanette Carney | 10:31 AM ET | 01-11-2008

Leroy, Sorry I missed getting online the last couple of days, crisis of my own. I am so discouraged your results were not what you wanted. We all know these days are coming. Seems cancer wins most of the time. I am sorry to say, I know how you are feeling. This thing we fight is a killer of epic proportions, to beat it is a true miracle. I'm sorry there wasn't another miracle in your Doctor's bag.
Will be thinking of you. Stan

Sent by Stan Wozniak | 11:59 AM ET | 01-11-2008

Hi Leroy:
I am an optimist but I don't doubt for a second that neither you nor I will get out of this life without paying for those "two certain things in life" (and I'm counting on my April 15th check to get cashed before the "other" one is called in - lol)
I hear you that these days are tough, and it is so true - why can't you just get away from it all? What really is the point, at times? Why do you keep going?
For those that are in your life, they are so glad to have you - every day, no matter if you are the life of the party or if you just want to sleep all day. They are just grateful to have you there, as you have always been. And I am certain that you know this - from them and from the rest of the people in your "extended" family.
I am sorry that today and yesterday are days that wear you down. We are all familiar with the look of weariness that you fighters do such a good job of hiding, but we catch glimpses of it, as if sideways in a mirror, despite your outward bravery.
I am glad to remind you that you are a blessing to those that you touch physically, mentally and emotionally. You should take some time to rest - every marathon runner has faster miles and slower miles - and you will still be running tomorrow and for many days yet to come - go ahead and be weary, wish that you had never gotten a number for the race, but know that you have some good full miles ahead of you - the ultimate finish line is a good distance off but the next mile marker holds a bright spot - that you made it another mile and you are still running.
Stacey

Sent by Stacey Adams | 11:36 PM ET | 01-11-2008

My father just passed away from pancreatic cancer last month after battling for 2 years... like you he was a fighter and always believe he would beat his cancer - well when I read your words:

"I hope that someone looks at my cancer and says, "Well, maybe you won, but he sure beat the crap out of you before he went down.""

It was the first thing that as resonated with me through this whole process - the cancer may have beat my dad - but for two years he beat the crap out of his cancer... thank you for helping me begin the journey that most of us as care takers dread bu long for - grieving and eventually healing....
thank you for having the strength to share you battle with all of us -

Sent by Stephanie Berger | 2:15 AM ET | 01-12-2008

Leroy..... Ilove the Monty Python stradegy! Do it! D0 it! Just for the sheer relief of it.....like chocolate. I, too, am a big Monty Python fan. But not as big a fan of them as I am of you! You are truely OUR HERO. Leroy. And you should do something outrageous , like design us a T-shirt. It would be a comfort and a statement. Say anything you like. Cover it with everything you've ever written about your Cancer, which is all great. We love you....Sandy, the nurse

Sent by Sandy Vrana | 10:48 PM ET | 01-12-2008

Dear Leroy, I hope your experience with hospice goes as well. I remember the first day or so after getting hospice up and running over here, and I wondered why we'd been so fearful of it before. The quality of our lives improved dramatically.. and I mean that for everyone: for Brian, the patient.. for me, the wife of the patient.. for all the family and friends visiting our home. Hospice made everything better. I hope and pray the same for you and Laurie.

Sent by Holly Sweet | 10:51 AM ET | 01-23-2008

good

Sent by khodor | 9:49 AM ET | 03-23-2008