Please take the pain meds as you need them. Allow your body to fight the cancer rather than the pain.

Sent by Leighsah | 7:21 AM ET | 01-14-2008

Good Morning Leroy! Another very Gray Monday. However your day does not sound quite as gray as it was a week or so ago. That is good.
Glad that you are getting some pain relief from the pain killers at hand. Yes I think that we were all brought up with a fear of taking anything to relieve our pain and we believed that we must "tough it out" without a crutch to lean on. Well, were we all thinking about cancer and pain caused by surgery? My Lord, our poor brains need some relief from constant pain. Allow yourself the "luxury" of being pain free at least for some periods of time.
Aren't these the options that you often spoke about? So glad that you still have some control of your life!

Sent by J C R | 7:49 AM ET | 01-14-2008

Leroy take whatever to make it through the day. Better living through pharmaceuticals! And you might want to consider some alternative methods ...polarity, reiki, meditation to help the pain management as well.

Sent by Pat Z | 7:51 AM ET | 01-14-2008

Good Morning Leroy,

Take you analgesics on schedule, do not wait for the pain to begin. Every four hours means every four hours. REALLY!

That is a hard concept to teach patients. You can't rest when you are in pain.

I am psyching myself up for the start of the spring semester. I will be very happy when this week is over. I am making myself tired just thinking about it.

Sent by Sue Chap | 7:58 AM ET | 01-14-2008

Leroy, Leroy, Leroy,

It's because you are a MAN! Men are idiots when it comes to being sick and thinking they doen't need to do or take anything. Even when it's as serious as cancer. It's not your fault, it's just how you guys are. Glad you have finally figured out what women have always known.

Feel better, friend, and may you have better days than not,

Lianne

Sent by Lianne Friedman | 9:03 AM ET | 01-14-2008

i took myself off the morphine before the medical people did at every juncture but that was because i didn't need it any longer. however, if i need a pain killer, like you do now, i will certainly take it. so by all means, take whatever helps you make it through the day and night! carol

Sent by carol irvin | 9:15 AM ET | 01-14-2008

The less pain you are in the more you can focus on just living. The pain will make you panic and start second guessing and making assumptions that may not be true. Good conclusion, Leroy. Boy, do you sound better! I thought about you all weekend. Take care.

Sent by Becky | 9:18 AM ET | 01-14-2008

Do they expect the pain to get better or will this continue? I would also be interested in hearing about your mobility. Are you still using the walker? Do you get out at all? How is your eyesight?

Sent by Dona | 9:19 AM ET | 01-14-2008

Hi Leroy,
I saw Spamalot over the weekend and was thinking of you. I haven't laughed so much in a long time. My two cents say to go for the pain meds. Comfort should be key; this is not a time to tough it out. As always, my thoughts are with you and Laurie.

Sent by betsey kuzia in albany ny | 9:28 AM ET | 01-14-2008

Well, I agree. It did take you a while to come around to taking the pain pills. I'm glad that you have. Leroy, don't worry about taking the narcotics, unless it's because of unpleasant side effects. You have late stage cancer. You have pain from bone metastisis and from many procedures. For you, addiction isn't an issue here. If that's a concern you're having...talk with your oncology nurse about it. I hear she's great.
I wish you a wonderful and comfortable week. I will be lying in a CAT scanner AGAIN tomorrow. I tell ya, when you have an interventional radiologist and TWO oncologists caring for you, and a second form of metastatic cancer, the scans become MUCH more frequent. I'll defer the jokes about glowing in the dark, but you get my drift.

Sent by Nancy K. Clark | 9:28 AM ET | 01-14-2008

my mom's hesitant to take pain medication as well. and my mother-in-law was the same way clear up to her passing on christmas eve. mom says she doesn't want to become a junkie. i don't understand that mentality. why live your life in pain, when you may not have that much longer to go? could you elaborate so i'll be better prepared when i have to go through this.

Sent by bill blake | 9:34 AM ET | 01-14-2008

Leroy,

I've been keeping you in my thoughts. You definitely sound better than you did a few days ago. I agree with the other comments--allow yourself some relief. Patients in pain do not heal well (as I'm sure you know!). Get your mind out of the way and let your body use its wisdom to heal.

Sent by SusanB | 9:34 AM ET | 01-14-2008

Leroy, you were on my mind this morning and I was hoping you had a good weekend. Your words sound so much brighter this morning. I wish we could give you the magic cocktail to help you over this hump, just know that their are a lot of people out here keeping you and Laurie in our prayers....wishing you God's peace!
And to all of you that have kept me in your prayers, thank you, it is what keeps me going forward these days, that and my two dogs! We all miss him so much and it hurts so bad! I wish I could find me a cocktail to take my pain away!

Sent by Laurie Hirth | 9:39 AM ET | 01-14-2008

I resisted narcotic pain meds for as long as I could when I was going through my (very painful) cancer treament. Then I also didn't take them regularly which also is a bad idea.Finally I ended up in the hospital and the nurses took over my meds and I finally understood that they really made a huge difference if taken as instructed!

You already have everyone convinced you're a tough guy - that you take pain meds so you can enjoy your life more isn't going to change that. I'm glad you're feeling better (and I know what you mean about the back pain--every time I throw out my back now I worry that it's a sign of cancer coming back)

Sent by N.R. | 9:53 AM ET | 01-14-2008

i'm so glad you have changed your mind. you are not just pampering yourself. it is hard on the body to be in pain, a form of stress.

Sent by ann wright | 10:01 AM ET | 01-14-2008

Good for you, Leroy! We'll all feel better when you are feeling better! You are absolutely right about taking the approach of knocking out the pain rather than suffering through it. I know that better comfort and better sleep give your mind and your body the best chance of renewal which you need to keep up your good efforts. I wonder if you are trying Lidocaine patches in the most painful areas? They are adhesive and release painkillers to the immediate area and we have used them with my mother with good results. They can be used along with the other meds you're taking. Also there are other narcotics which are delivered through patches which can get to work very quickly and sometimes provide blessed pain relief. I'm sure you and your doctors know all this, but your discussion of heat patches brought them to mind. Good luck and God bless! -CHD

Sent by Carole Duckett | 10:01 AM ET | 01-14-2008

Dear Leroy,

I used to feel the same way about pain medication and then I realized it wasn't hurting anyone but me! I'm all for better living through chemicals, now, although sometimes there is a clarity of thought that I miss when I have to take them. Your mind, however, still seems to be firing on all cylinders, otherwise you wouldn't be able to write the way you do.

Thinking of you daily,

Mo

Sent by Mo Spikes | 10:03 AM ET | 01-14-2008

Leroy, I hope you find some relief from your constant pain. The studies and my doctors say you can't heal while you are in pain. We are blessed to have many options for pain relief, use them to heal yourself! Good luck and God Bless.

Sent by cv | 10:15 AM ET | 01-14-2008

It is hard to tease out cancer pain vs. just-getting-older pain, isn't it? I had a bone scan a few months ago because of a nagging pain in my hip, (post BC diagnosis in 9-05) but there was no sign of cancer, and my doctor pointed out it might just be part of being 47. So all I can do is wait and see if it changes or gets worse. As many have mentioned before, I hate wondering if every little ache and pain is the return of my cancer.

And I'm glad to hear you're more willing to try the pain meds, Leroy. I honestly think it's harder to heal overall when you are spending so much mental energy fighting pain. Let the meds do their part, and then maybe you will have more energy, mental and physical, to do the things you want to do.

Sent by Gretchen Hoag | 10:19 AM ET | 01-14-2008

Hi Leroy,

My husband was a Marine - still is if the truth be known (I don't think they ever retire!). It wasn't until his first chemo embolism that he appreciated morphine. Now, he's on a maintenance dose... the liver may not have nerve endings, but everything around it does - and nothing likes what is going on.

You are in my prayers... your comments and perspective help greatly as my husband and I face the great unknown.

Sincerely,

Connie

Sent by Connie Jaeger | 10:21 AM ET | 01-14-2008

Do what makes you feel better...pain is bad...rest is good.

Big hugs,

Lori

Sent by Lori | 10:21 AM ET | 01-14-2008

Oh you silly goose ;-) You're in extreme pain; that's what the painkillers are for!!!! In a short time they won't get you loopy either. And forget bursting into flames. That's caused exclusively by menopausal hot flashes. You're safe.
Hugs

Alycia

Sent by Alycia Keating | 10:30 AM ET | 01-14-2008

A fellow cancer patient said to me...better a crutch than to fall over.
Perhaps if your pain is better managed you will feel more able to cope with it, sleep better etc
Take care
JJ

Sent by JJ | 10:30 AM ET | 01-14-2008

Hi Leroy
After ten years of doing this cancer dance, I've learned to let go of the old belief systems about what I should or shouldn't do and stay open to what I need to do NOW. When I got that thru my thick skull it seemed to go better for me; a kinda "go with the flow" mentality. That sounds like what you're doing now, and it ain't a bad thing, kiddo.

Kate

Sent by Kate Fuehrer | 10:32 AM ET | 01-14-2008

Hi, Leroy.

Take the medication for as long you need it. You'll know when you can stop. Pain management always helps a body heal better and more effectively, plus they will allow you to rest more easily. You and Laurie are in my thoughts and prayers.

Sent by Erica | 10:34 AM ET | 01-14-2008

Just do it...the drugs are there to help you get some rest and so your body can focus on the healing process. This is not a time for a macho mentality.

When I was "using",I was afraid of addiction, but the need for drugs ended when the pain was finally gone, and there was no withdrawal experience.

Have you considered if some of your lower back pain is from being rather inactive? Lying in bed or in a recliner can sure wreck havoc on the lower back.

Be kind to yourself right now.

Peggy

Sent by Peggy | 10:37 AM ET | 01-14-2008

Oh, do I know about back pain. I use a heating pad and naproxen sodium for the pain, and it works.

Don't worry about the addiction to narcotics thing if you're using them as prescribed. They can be an enormous help if you'll let them and not be afraid of them.

Sent by Bruce | 10:41 AM ET | 01-14-2008

Dear Leroy,
Every day is a present - right?

Sent by Carolyn | 10:42 AM ET | 01-14-2008

Leroy, you might consider contacting someone who is well trained in acupunture. There have been many recent articles on how it does work for back pain specifically and anecdotally I have many friends with pain that are being helped by treatment. Sounds "fringy" I know, but it might help a lot and won't hurt. In conjunction with medication it might bring some further relief.

Sent by Kitty J | 10:47 AM ET | 01-14-2008

Hi Leroy,
Keep taking those pills and on schedule like Sue told you. I used to sit in on claim reviews with self-righteous young adjusters who said pain is not disabling. In my old age I know they thought that because they never had any pain!!
I hope you find some joy in today.
Charlotte in Rural Ridge, PA

Sent by Charlotte Kewish | 10:47 AM ET | 01-14-2008

Smart man. When I worked in health care, there were numerous studies done about pain, and they all found that if the patient's pain was controlled, the patient would always heal faster. So take those pain meds! And I always think it helps if you yell at people whenever they hurt you -- whether it's a needle stick or a more involved procedure. Just let them know it hurts like #*((!

Very happy to hear you've found some relief.

Sent by jordis | 11:00 AM ET | 01-14-2008

Dear Leroy,

Each difficulty has a different solution..............as the doctors keep reminding me. Do whatever it takes dear Leroy to keep yourself comfortable. In life there are many things we can control. Unfortunately in OUR world this is not possible all the time. At this point in time, my husband and I can only have control over our attitude whether it be positive or negative, as our attitude changes from day to day depending on how bad the chemo is affecting him or what surprise is in store for us when we get up in the morning. My husband takes as much medication as needed. This is not the time to "Tough it out"

Prayers to you and Laurie.

Sent by Sasha | 11:14 AM ET | 01-14-2008

Not to worry about the narcotics I think Leroy, as you can always safely back away from them later. Much more important is that you don't let the pain run away with you - it is much harder to tame when one is in extremis. Better you put a good dent in it early on and ultimately need less medication. I am so glad you are feeling a better on the pain front. It goes a good way toward the quality of one's day to day life, yes?

Sent by Chava | 11:31 AM ET | 01-14-2008

Dear Leroy,

Hang in there. You certainly have stuck by all of us and we are sticking by you!! I am thinking of you constantly and continuing to pray for you and all of us in this situation.

Love to all,
Betty Lewis

Sent by Betty Lewis | 11:36 AM ET | 01-14-2008

My two cardinal rules of cancer: make sure you can sleep (drugs!) and make sure you don't have pain (surprise, drugs again!).

God bless.

Sent by Evie H. | 11:42 AM ET | 01-14-2008

I'm so glad to hear you are finding a bit of ease from your pain. Let the pain pills help you rest. You so deserve that for all you do.

Sent by Barbara Langan | 11:45 AM ET | 01-14-2008

Leroy. The choice of painkillers or not has always been a tough one for me also. I always wanted to avoid them, thought it made you look weak. I have changed my mind too, if it works use it. Hope you continue to feel better. Stan

Sent by Stan Wozniak | 11:55 AM ET | 01-14-2008

Leroy, I hope you find some relief that works for you. Besides sitting upright at night while trying to sleep, I always find that a good movie is one of the best distractions from pain. Wishing you the best.

Sent by Diane | 12:15 PM ET | 01-14-2008

Hope can be a powerful healer, but sometimes you really do need more. It doesn't make you any less of a hero. My late husband, Roger, had a similar struggle with pain meds - in the end, they gave him more time he could actually focus on being with family and friends, the people he loved. That is what life is about, isn't it? You have done so much for so many by sharing your optimism and yourself. Thank you. Wishing you luck, peace, comfort and health.

Sent by JSM | 12:26 PM ET | 01-14-2008

My husband let me have a recliner that was a massage chair too. He thought it frivolous until he got cancer and it was necessary for him to push a button to raise his legs and feet, no other way allowed him to make himself comfortable. We made other adjustments - shower chair, cane, wheel chair, a hospital bed, and arranged all furniture he needed on one floor.

No point fighting adjustments, including pain meds.

Don't you just hate this disease, everything it steals.

Sent by Irene | 12:41 PM ET | 01-14-2008

Would anyone care to comment on the movie "The Bucket List"? Will it cheer us?

Bob A.

Sent by Bob Augello | 1:03 PM ET | 01-14-2008

I get so angry with people who think I'm soft for needing narcotics for my migraines! Only when the tables are turned can they see the necessity. I hate taking anything too, but when you're in that much pain you can't function properly. I say we all need to be kept comfortable, whatever that means. It's not a weakness, it's a necessity. Hope you keep feeling okay. My thoughts are with you.

Sent by Tammy | 1:09 PM ET | 01-14-2008

Slow learner, eh Leroy? I'm so glad you are finally ready to accept the cocktail or whatever will help ease your pain. Think of it as doing a kindness for the people who love you.

Sent by Doris | 1:30 PM ET | 01-14-2008

Hi Leroy and All,
In case you missed it Dianne from Nevada sent in a poem over the weekend which you can find towards the end of the Jan. 11 posts (4:54 pm). It is really beautiful - a keeper.
The Beethoven part she mentions can be gotten by typing "Takacs" in the box at the top of this page, then choosing, "Beethoven's message to God". It expresses something that's hard to put into words, and it is profound. Computer sound systems may not do it justice. When I heard it live here in Portland you could hear a pin drop.
I also appreciate Don Winslow's poem (on Friday also). There is such depth and beauty here, and I appreciate other music, artwork, and blogs which have been suggested. All forms of expression....including wry humor.

Cathi

Sent by Cathi | 1:52 PM ET | 01-14-2008

Everyone here has given you excellent advice. I'll leave you with a hug and a prayer!

Sent by Judy Fuller | 1:54 PM ET | 01-14-2008

Hi Leroy,

Pet a dog, pet a cat, take your pain meds. On schedule. Okay, you can do this. Write about what a wimp you think you are or feel like you are for taking pain meds, (if that helps), but by all means, take the pain meds. You've got them, now keep using them.

Just so you know, I don't think taking pain meds means anything other than "what a smart guy you are to take what you have available to you!" If they make you nauseous or dizzy, there are medications for those side effects. Please, take your medications, give your body, mind, and spirit a respite from the pain.

Hang in there. I wish I could give you something that would ease your spirit and Laurie's spirit. All this is so hard.

Heartlight,

Kim

Sent by Kim | 2:52 PM ET | 01-14-2008

I'm glad you seem a bit more upbeat today!

As I mentioned, I was so sick myself I've missed about a week's plus worth of posts.

I've been reading the comments from the past week and a half. Good to know there are so many pulling for you.

My mother-in-law has stage IV lung cancer and has taken a turn for the worse, sadly.

She was diagnosed almost 10 years ago and has refused all treatments. Since she's outlived her initial prognosis of a year (by nine years!) whatever she did or didn't do seemed to have worked for years.

Sent by Scott S. | 2:58 PM ET | 01-14-2008

...Forgot to mention broad humor along with wry humor. There's definitely a place for broad humor (sic!)

Cathi - PNW

Sent by Cathi | 3:05 PM ET | 01-14-2008

Leroy,
I want to second what Kim said. Do you have any pets? Since I had my surgery, my normally aloof Alpha cat has become doting. He often sleeps on my pillow at night, and lies on the couch with me while I watch TV. This is completely new behavior in a 10 year old cat.

Sent by Dianne (DC) | 3:24 PM ET | 01-14-2008

My husband could never have survived his treatment and the post-treatment pain without the help of some heavy duty pain patches. He is a recovering alcoholic and fought going on pain meds with all his might, but the docs listened carefully to his concerns and monitored him closely. He is not only a "grateful alcoholic" but not a very grateful cancer survivor (to date). He is off all pain meds. As his caretaker, I must tell you, I am very grateful for the relief he got when he needed it! Leroy, take what you need...take each day at a time. You have been one of our many inspirations through our battle with the beast. God bless you!

Sent by Carol Egan | 3:43 PM ET | 01-14-2008

Leroy,

Here's what I think about pain meds. There are a lot of pharmaceutical companies making a lot of pain meds. So, there must be a big market for them. That means lots of us need them.
Let's be happy there are so many to choose from, and take the ones that can make us feel better.

Hang in there, big guy!

Sent by Marcy in NJ | 4:30 PM ET | 01-14-2008

After having my son via c-section I was like you - I thought I could tough it out and didn't want to risk becoming dependent on something or making my son loopy through breastmilk. At first I did ok without pain meds and then the pain really caught up to me. Once pain did kick in, it was so tough to get it back to the point where I could function and think about other things. I agree with Sue Chap about sticking to the schedule and not waiting for pain to rear it's head. Wishing you pain free healing time and many more miracles.

Sent by Nichole in FL | 4:43 PM ET | 01-14-2008

Leroy, "There seem to be an unlimited number of patches for your back that generate healing heat. Some work better than others, and I can't get the image of bursting into flames out of my mind!"

Oh, LOL...I thought eXACtly the same thing. I lived in Beyond BodiHeat back patches for most of August, September, October and November chasing the source of back pain that no one could seem to really figure out. Now we know it was tumor recurrence and the new tumor was causing kidney pain which showed up as lower back pain, but while it was happening, and the docs and PTs were all going at the pain from the herniated disc angle, those BodiHeat pads were lifesavers. And at 99 cents for one that lasted almost 18 hours, they were probably the cheapest pain relief I could have gotten.

Give yourself the freedom to reduce the pain however you need to do it, Leroy.

Sent by Pat Steer | 4:45 PM ET | 01-14-2008

Isn't it wonderful that, even at our age, we old dogs can learn new tricks? Leroy, I'm glad you've given in to the drugs. Our old ideas (and fears) of not taking drugs are ideas outside of the world of Cancer. As with everything else in this new, hostile world, we need to rethink our old beliefs.

Find some peace and comfort so you can heal.

Kathy

Sent by Kathy Barney | 4:58 PM ET | 01-14-2008

Dear Leroy:
I am so sad that your maintaining is becoming the goal, rather than slipping further along. Please don't be a martyr. Take the meds. Take sleep meds. You are "fighting" the cancer; oh, how I hate that phrase, but it is true. You mind and body needs the rest that the pain meds will bring. Do whatever it is that you have not yet done. Tell those around you, what you might be waiting to say. You know all this. Do it while you can. There are people out there who work with sick people and help them do yoga, which means very SLOW stretches, which sometimes help with pain. I am sure your cancer center knows of people who do this.
Cancer sucks. But it forces us not to take people and life for granted. That is the only gift that this disease gives us. Lots of love from the tropics,
Julie Evert
St. Thomas

Sent by Julie | 5:16 PM ET | 01-14-2008

My mother-in-law refuse to take anything stronger that Tylenol or Mortin for pain. We would beg her. But NO she didn't like the way they made her feel. She had never taken them anyway. Her cancer had spread to her back and her bones just ached all over. She asked us to take her in to the hospital "as she was ready to die". She did look like she was ready...
We got her there and filled out all of the paper work for the special Hospice Unit. They began to give her medication to make her more comfortable...
Well, she felt better! Her appetite reappeared. She ate them out of house and home. She was up walking and playing cards again. She beat me!
Long story short/ they discharged her from hospice because she was too healthy.
The moral of the story is: Take your pain meds you'll feel better and enjoy life again.

Sent by Deb | 5:39 PM ET | 01-14-2008

Desperately wish I could do something for you.

Thinking of you!

Apparently tons of people are telling you to take your meds. I won't add to that - but I will beg you to eat something yummy to help your weight.

Sent by Liz L. | 5:52 PM ET | 01-14-2008

Hello Leroy.
My name is Anne Marie and I just wanted to say that my heart is with you. I am glad that you are doing better dealing with your chemo. I just want you to know that I am praying for you that you will stay strong while you battle your cancer. I would also like to share my paper I am writing with you and if you are interested in reading it then I would be happy to share it with you.

Sent by Anne Marie Waddington | 6:32 PM ET | 01-14-2008

If you can manage a funny movie without the laughter causing you pain, that might augment the medication you are mercifuly availing yourself of. Normal Mailer had it all worked out to exactly how much pain relief he got from a set amount of belly laughter in one of his books years ago. Thanks for taking gentle good care of yourself and treating your pain like the medical issue it is. Stay ahead of it if you can.

Sent by Sarah | 6:33 PM ET | 01-14-2008

Leroy,
Thanks for sharing your thoughts feelings and experiences. You have helped me support and love my mom much better.

Sent by Nicole | 6:44 PM ET | 01-14-2008

Hi Leroy, Long before I was diagnosed with cancer, I suffered from back pain which at times put me in traction for weeks at a time. What a I heard from doctors and then finally took to heart is that the painkillers, muscle relaxers, etc actually help your pain and then you can take care of yourself. There is so much in this cancer journey that is out of our control. My advice is take control of what you can. If you feel yourself becoming addicted, let your docs know right away. Other than that take the meds, let them take care of your muscles, and you can take care of everything else. Blessings!

Sent by Ellie Algatt | 6:47 PM ET | 01-14-2008

Leroy, I know everyone has advice to give you on how to manage your pain, but please go to the professionals. Look into a Palliative Care program. They are the experts on managing your pain. This doesn't mean hospice. It is to help you with your quality of life. Please do this ASAP. It saved my husband from suffering a lot of pain. Now he is in hospice and that is the BEST program for end of life care. Peace, Linda

Sent by Linda G | 9:05 PM ET | 01-14-2008

Leroy,

I wrote earlier, but it didn't post. Everyone on this blog seems to be of one mind: TAKE THE DRUGS. I agree.

Sent by Diana Kitch | 9:25 PM ET | 01-14-2008

Wow! Good for you! Glad you decided to take the pain Rx. I love pain Rx. It's great. Folks don't understand what a blessing it is to be able to dull the pain.....After my bilateral mastectomy and TRAM Flap reconstruction, I learned to stay on top of the pain. My sweet husband would get up in the middle of the night to give me pain Rx...before I even asked for it. I was sleeping in a recliner (couldn't lie flat, on my side, etc.) and he would wake up (did he set an alarm...???? I didn't ask...), bring me something icy cold to drink and a blessed Vicodin or two....Did I mention I toted around 5 drains for 4 weeks plus??? Anyway, take your medicine like a good boy. You will feel soooooo Much Better! And laugh a lot. Don't forget to laugh a lot everyday. And remember this, cancer never wins. NEVER. No matter what happens, CANCER NEVER WINS. I'm a nurse, I know these things..........

Sent by Sandi P | 9:25 PM ET | 01-14-2008

Leroy,
I remember during treatment I was afraid to take a variety of meds at the same time. I would even stress out about taking anti-anxiety meds. I look back now and wish I had eased up and allowed myself more comfort. I had lymphoma and I guess I became weary of chemicals since I did not know what caused the cancer. I see now that pain and fear can really wear a body down. I say go for pain relief. Have some peace.

Sent by Beth S. | 10:02 PM ET | 01-14-2008

Dear Leroy,

Yes, drugs are good. So don't resist. I'm glad to hear that you are feeling better.

I think of you frequently and hope in my heart that your path is not too rocky. I'm sure that Laurie helps you navigate both physically and emotionally.

My husband has been a lymphoma patient for 16 years now. He has currently been in remission for 6 years. And, I am a breast cancer survivor, 5 years now. So I know how it feels from both sides. My husband always tried to protect me. He said the worst part of cancer for him, was having to "put me through it". He didn't want anyone to be in emotional pain because of his cancer. Maybe it's a male thing.

I have tried to spare him too. But being female, I do tend to share my emotions more.

I hate that cancer is so terrifying. It's so uncertain.
I hate that we have to go through this.

Every 6 months when I go in for my checkup at the cancer center (I even hate that they call it the cancer center) I expect to see fewer people but there are always people everywhere, some with bald heads, some with IV poles, some in wheelchairs. Occasionally someone is crying softly and they are being comforted by a loved one or friend.

There is laughter and hope and everyone is friendly, reaching out to each other. If I see someone that looks sad or lonely I sit with them and try to share their burden.

I'm angry Leroy. You're a good man and I know this is so difficult.

I send my love and peace to you and Laurie.
Rest Easy.

Susan California

Sent by susan | 11:10 PM ET | 01-14-2008

I think being pain free is to be clear headed. A clear and relaxed mind is a powerful tool in any battle.

Sent by Scott Fertig | 11:10 PM ET | 01-14-2008

Hi, Leroy,

Something about medication cocktails strikes me a bit funny. Maybe it is the slightly weird sense of humor that cancer and other things have given me through the years, but whoever started using the word cocktail probably never had an idea that it would be used to describe mixture of medications.

People rave over delicious shrimp cocktails, there are cocktails in bars (I don't drink), and there is cranberry juice cocktail, just to name a few.

Then we cancer veterans and other people with pain have cocktails of our own. I thought the pre-chemo treatment IV cocktail used to prepare my body for the taxol and carboplatin to come was quite nice. I usually slept through a good part of the 5.5 hours of each chemo treatment.

Then as you mention, there are pain medication cocktails. I have a few of those myself. Literally selecting just the right mixture of ingredients ...uh, ...meds.

I even have an allergy cocktail of meds to tackle sulfite and food allergies and environmental allergies so that I can eat food, which is helpful.

So lets raise our respective glasses of water, or our IV's, high to toast the advances in medical science that make those cocktails possible, then pop those pills or liquids in our mouth or let the IVs drip and hopefully relax and let the meds take effect.

Seriously, Leroy, quality of life is important and sometimes trying to be tough just doesn't cut it anymore. If it takes pain meds to allow you or any of us to feel more human and comfortable for a while to do things we enjoy, then it is the right thing to do. We who follow your blog will be doing the same thing.

Wishing blessings for us all and a few virtual hugs, too.

Sincerely,
Bobbie
Odessa, Texas

Sent by Bobbie Hollis | 12:27 AM ET | 01-15-2008

Leroy,

Hi, I don't know you but I think of you, wish you well and appreciate your candor and your sharing. This summer while on a vacation I was talking about you to my brother-in-law, Tom Haralambos, telling him about this wonderful person on NPR that is so honest and open about his cancer. How unusual to be so intimate about such a devastating illness. I was so suprised to learn that he knows
you.

I just want to thank you for your kind advice to all of us and giving us your insights that may help us someday.

Thinking of you and wishing you health and courage!

candace

Sent by Candace | 6:06 PM ET | 01-17-2008

No toughing it out, Leroy! It raises your blood pressure and impedes healing. Please take care of yourself. You're in my thoughts and prayers

Sent by Gyla Fowler | 1:49 PM ET | 01-18-2008