Hi Leroy,

There is that glint in your eye again. That sly, witty humor. You know... just maybe one day you will wake up and find that your back no longer heals.

Go back a few (ok, more than a few) blogs and find a post of mine, that says minimally complete healing takes 1 year. Compounding the various treatments you have undergone in the past, just may require a bit longer and MORE PATIENCE!

Leroy's Army really rallied again yesterday to the cause!!!!! Good job, TEAM!

Sent by Sue Chap | 8:25 AM ET | 01-24-2008

Leroy, like grief, the healing process takes time. You want to fight, you are not ready to give up, you keep looking for answers and help. Many of us find strength in your courage! Your glass is never half empty! My prayers continue to be with you and all....

Sent by Laurie Hirth | 8:35 AM ET | 01-24-2008

You are an amazing man! Thinking of you and praying for you.

Sent by Julie | 8:43 AM ET | 01-24-2008

Ah Leroy,
Your sense of humor is showing! I can only imagine how frustrating it is to not be able to do exactly what you want but patience is sometimes a long time coming so hang in there. Tomorrow must be a better day.

Sent by Kathie | 8:47 AM ET | 01-24-2008

Bless you, Leroy, as you take this step. I know it must be very scary, but it's not admitting defeat. It's going further into reaches of the unknown, as you have done each step of the way in this journey of yours. It's using the same curiosity and fortitude you've used all along, and, I hope, sharing what you learn - so that the rest of us may be informed, encouraged and reassured in our own journeys. And so that others can understand that hospice is one of many treatments and care options which can be investigated thoroughly and with an open mind and heart. You have demonstrated such amazing courage as you have faced surgeries, chemo and other painful, terrifying measures. We have benefited immeasurably by your boldness and the generous sharing of your experiences. With deep appreciation for your caring for us, we care for you and wish you every blessing- CHD

Sent by Carole D. | 8:56 AM ET | 01-24-2008

It is Thursday and your daily sharing is a testament to your determination, to your strength, and to your humor. Those traits made you an outstanding producer. Your audience may be a tad smaller now, but we would give you an Emmy every week for outstanding honesty and valor.

Thank you.

Peggy

Sent by Peggy | 9:16 AM ET | 01-24-2008

It's easy to see by your blog today that even though you are impatient you are getting better. ;) This is a wonderful thing. Keep that little sarcasm going and feel better every day. Prayers are with you as always.

Linda

Sent by Linda Nicholas | 9:22 AM ET | 01-24-2008

You tell that back who's boss...you might have some adhesions from the scar tissue. You can talk to your physical therapists about that, you can rub a finger on the scars (if you can reach them) and keep massaging them to keep adhesions from forming. I did not and now I get charlie horses all round my torso from the scars cutting off blood to the muscles. Surgery was 3/4 of a year ago. I just joined a gym to see if I could very carefully strengthen up those muscles without messing up my neck (disk compression). If I take baby steps, I might just make some improvements. Perhaps you can do that too in a little while? Also I did not comment on yesterday's blog; it seemed to me like a Not-Leroy kind of suggestion. Hospice can come to you if you are immobilized and want to stay home. And there will always be time for that later.

Sent by Alycia Keating | 9:24 AM ET | 01-24-2008

Leroy~ I as well am not patient. And this past year I have been forced to be patient. We put our house up for sale 11 months ago and we finally now have a buyer. I never thought it would take this long., so I've learned alot about patience. If you are seeing progress as you said, then the healing process has definitely begun. Are you getting outside at all? That fresh air sure does a body good. Take care~

Sent by DiAnn | 9:28 AM ET | 01-24-2008

Can we as cancer patients put a time line on the healing process. I'm sure we can dream of waking up and walking a down the beach with not a care in the world.

Sent by Kris Worrall | 9:30 AM ET | 01-24-2008

Staph infections are tenacious, and you've been weakened by it and the anesthesia effects, etc. I know your appetite has tanked, but to heal, try to eat protein and vegetables, especially those with Vit C, and keep your fluids up.It rally does make a difference. Wish I could think of some magic for you to take away the pain.
Carol

Sent by Carol Erlingheuser | 9:32 AM ET | 01-24-2008

Hi Leroy,
It is nice to see your humor again. We sure do need some to get through this life.
Wishing you a special day! You are in my prayers.
Charlotte

Sent by Charlotte Kewish | 9:39 AM ET | 01-24-2008

Leroy, sounds like you are "back" on your game. Don't be too harsh with body parts ... they sometimes are uncooperative.

Sent by Pat Z. | 9:40 AM ET | 01-24-2008

Good Morning Leroy/All,
I'm glad to see that your spirits are up today. You are amazing. Hang in there dear friend. As always, prayers to all.

Sent by Sasha | 10:09 AM ET | 01-24-2008

Dear Leroy,

I have found that it takes me longer than expected to bounce back from any kind of procedure now, even though mine, at this point, are all reconstructive in nature. I've also learned not to believe the docs when they say, "This won't hurt much at all," and make certain that I fill my pain med scripts promptly. I can almost guarantee that it will hurt. It would seem that the body would, after so much insult, become sort of immune to the pain, but it doesn't. It just hurts more. What about acupuncture? I've never tried it, but people who have sing its praises. Figure it couldn't hurt.

Hang in there. Hope it brings some comfort to know that you are loved by everyone on this blog and beyond.

Abrazos,
Mo

Sent by Mo Spikes | 10:12 AM ET | 01-24-2008

Hi Leroy,

As I was reading your post today, I thought back to a time when your pain medication wasn't even working, and now it's working pretty well with the wraps, etc. That's amazing progress! My husband threw his back out two summers ago and it took months to get back in shape - and that was one muscle. I can't imagine what your back and body has been through - give it time, try to be patient (I know how hard it is), and like you said, kick those negative thoughts to the curb.

Re: your post yesterday, I agree with everyone that hospice is wonderful and not a signal of the end. My grandfather has been using it for a good year, and it's been wonderful. He uses it to mainly help him with his anxiety, and the people are very gentle and reassuring. They're helping him to live a good life, which is so reassuring to us family as well.

Feel better, savor your victories and God bless, Leroy. You're amazing!

Sent by Amy in NJ | 10:20 AM ET | 01-24-2008

Leroy -

I can always tell how much better my kids are by how their tone when they say, "I don't feel well!" When they are really sick they just lie there and don't have the stamina to do anything but moan.

After a night in the bathroom, my 7 year old is bouncing around his room. School tomorrow. Definitely.

In your case, your tone suggests that you are healing! Not quite bouncing around the room (what adult has that kind of energy anyway??). Eat some pie and go for a very short walk (try 5 steps more than yesterday). You too, my friend will be back "in school"! I hear it in your tone.

All the best,
Liz

Sent by Liz L. | 10:39 AM ET | 01-24-2008

Leroy,
I think you need to learn to enjoy some things you can do while sitting down. Do you do jigsaw puzzles? How about Bocce ball or pentanque? Barroom shuffle board? Knitting? Counted cross stitch?

I loved all the comments on hospice yesterday. We had them help with my dad and my brother and they were incredible. We did have a chaplain who was confused as to what to do for agnostics, but he got it right when it counted.

Sent by Dianne (DC) | 11:21 AM ET | 01-24-2008

You are healing, Leroy. Don't forget Mind/Body. If your mind believes your body will follow for a while at least. I was thinking about yesterday's blog about hospice because I have been feeling the need to call them just to "rip off the bandaid" and see what they're all about and get over the stigma. I am FAR away from that as you are but perhaps it's one more way to clear up some of the misunderstandings about this cancer situation. Many of our fellow bloggers said that hospice is living, not dying. I kind of liked that. THen I was thinking, maybe we ALL, regardless of our health need to talk to a hospice person. Don't we all wrestle with the demon thoughts of dying one day? Also, don't forget your/our friend Stephanie when she was on your show, she had contacted hospice very early on in her diagnosis and evidently it was not needed yet, but nonetheless she called. So let's all perhaps lift that veil and talk to the nice people in hospice! We might actually gain strength to continue to survive and live, not die.

God blesses you Leroy. And he is watching over everyone in this blog too.

Sent by Becky | 11:29 AM ET | 01-24-2008

Good Morning Leroy, Laurie and All,

Leroy, It's good to see the humor in your post again today! Have your talk with that pesky back and tell it who is boss! It really does take at least a year for healing to take place and in the mean time you will have discomfort, AKA: pain at times. When the doctor will allow some gentle stretching exercises, they will also help to calm the pain.

Laurie, When Leroy does get to the exercise phase of his recovery, be the straw boss and make sure he does the exercises on a daily basis.

To All, I hope this new year will bring comfort and healing to everyone. I did read some research about the discovery of some proteins that help cancer spread around our bodies. They also have found some blocking agents for those proteins and at some point medications may be developed that will stop cancer in its tracks. At least the future looks a little brighter now! God Bless!!

Eileen Pruyne
Charlotte, NC.

Sent by Eileen Pruyne | 11:34 AM ET | 01-24-2008

Leroy,
Personally I have found that I feel such a tiny bit better each day that it isn't even noticable. But I can think back a few weeks or a month and know I am doing much better now than I was then. Maybe your healing is happening the same way. You know you are not feeling worse, but it is hard to know that you are actually feeling better until you compare it to where you have been. Your writings sound better -- more thoughtful and more like Leroy. I think you are on the mend.

And as the great Parrothead says: You've got to roll with the punches and play all of your hunches. Make the best of whatever comes your way.

You are the best, buddy. Ride it out awhile longer.

Sent by Martha | 11:54 AM ET | 01-24-2008

Leroy,

May everything go as you wish!

Sent by Diana Kitch | 12:06 PM ET | 01-24-2008

Calm yourself Leroy. It takes time so be patient. That's what everyone told me too. They were right. I'm still not 100% I won't ever be 100% again, but I am very happy with the way i am now and I can live with this. Hang in there and be kind to your back.

Sent by Ruth White | 12:11 PM ET | 01-24-2008

Leroy, Cancer makes patience very hard to come by. Everything seems to move so slowly, except for the disease. Your back will get better, but it does take time, more than you think. Makes it difficult to wait when you just want to get on with it. I really feel your frustration. The next stage will come, it's just a matter of time. Stan

Sent by Stan Wozniak | 12:14 PM ET | 01-24-2008

Leroy,
Healing is just one of those things on which you can't place a timeline. I am not patient either...but in matters of health, you're right to think you can have a "talk" with your back...you are the master of your domain(not to get too Seinfeld-ish).
I was always amazed at my mother-in-law's will to heal when she was battling ovarian cancer. She was a force. My mother, who now has congestive heart failure, does not have that same will. She is giving up, and that is hard to watch; that is not what she taught me as I was growing up.
So, Leroy--you keep fighting. We'll keep cheering.

Sent by Kathleen Schmidt, NJ | 12:52 PM ET | 01-24-2008

Hi Leroy,

Hang in there. Keep hope alive. You are a great inspiration to me.

Peace,
Lynda
Seattle

Sent by Lynda | 12:59 PM ET | 01-24-2008

Leroy, Good morning! I wonder if you have done any work on your life story? BC. I mean.(before cancer) ? You must have had a very interesting career with many experiences to write about. Maybe while you are laid up,you should devote some time to getting it all down in book form. Maybe you have or intend to already. I, for one, would love to read about your "real life", BC.
Your thoughts are definately on the right track once again. Thinking positive!

Sent by J C R | 1:31 PM ET | 01-24-2008

Dear Leroy,
It is not whether the glass is half empty or half full, rather it has our job to fill the whole glass from the beginning anyway. Clearly you do your very best to keep replenishing the glass as soon as it goes down a bit. Now that is a positive thing. Don't worry about when the day will come and you will wake up felling well. Every day, any day or "that" day, you will wake up and say "all is well".
Blessings,
Wanda Amorose

Sent by Wanda Amorose | 1:44 PM ET | 01-24-2008

So good to hear you're getting around a bit Leroy! Don't blame you for feeling impatient; sometimes that feeling motivates you a little each day.

Sent by Dorothy - Los Angeles | 1:56 PM ET | 01-24-2008

Leroy, you do sound stronger today. Everyday I would try to push just a little bit more. Make yourself do it. Just a few steps more and before you know it you will not be pushing yourself. It will just be happening naturally. When we are not feeling well for a long time we get so used to hanging out in the recliner that we forget to get up and make ourselves move around. Even though the moving around in itself will make us feel better in the long term. Take care and have a very good day. It is cold and sunny here today but at least the sun is shining. I hope you have sun shine where you are at.

Sent by dorothy in oregon | 2:17 PM ET | 01-24-2008

My doctor told me that bodies don't like to be cut open and fiddled around with. It takes a while for the body to get over the 'insult'.

I'm glad your pain is controlled reasonably well. My mother-in-law has finally called hospice, and they are managing the pain medication in a better fashion.

I trust you will continue to heal, and that you will feel a little bit better every day.

Sent by Scott S. | 2:17 PM ET | 01-24-2008

I've become a daily reader.
I survived brain cancer in May 2005. I feel "normal" again, and I hope and pray you will also. Your desire just to feel as you did previously reminds me to continue to be thankful for what others take for granted.

Sent by Janet, Huntsville, AL | 2:35 PM ET | 01-24-2008

Leroy: Checking in to see how you are doing. Glad you are getting around better.

Thinking of you Sasha & John. Hope things are better today for you also.

Nikki

Sent by Nikki | 2:42 PM ET | 01-24-2008

Leroy,
You may not notice, but it does seem that you SOUND a little better each day and so even though it isn't real noticable to you, you are healing.
On the topic of hospice.....I have had three personal experiences with people close to me and numerous others of more distant family and friends. I can say without reservation that the most common comment is, "I wish we'd have had them involved sooner." I think you are wise to begin a dialogue with those wonderful, caring people. I don't think you will be sorry.
Thinking the good thoughts for you.

Sent by Cindy | 4:59 PM ET | 01-24-2008

Hi, Leroy,

Had a post written for yesterday, but it ended up in my LiveJournal again and our modem went screwy until I managed to get its problems figured out and help it find itself again (reset the thing in other words) after midnight CST. I admit it; I am a little bit of a techie.

The arctic cold front is bringing West Texas sleeping weather today, cold, cloudy, a little rain, a little freezing rain, and a little sleet.

But, on the subject of your back, that area of the body is not at all fond of being surgically altered in any form or fashion. My husband can testify to that after having had 2 vertebras fused several months ago. The doctor told me he had to pick the disc out with tweezers since it was so shredded. No imaging was able to prepare them for that. No wonder hubby's sciatic nerve, et al., was screaming for mercy leaving hubby in real pain. At this point, the doctors are not sure whether the nerves were too damaged for the pain to ever go away. The doctor would not even allow hubby into physical therapy for 6 months until they were sure the bone graft was growing correctly. Just lately they have allowed him very mild water exercises like walking in a therapy pool. His pain may be with him the rest of his life.

No one can predict whether back pain will or will not go away, but I can say that it is as individual as each of us. The fact that you are beginning to regain walking and straightening up and other signs like that are good signs. It is definitely going to be a day to day thing while muscles, nerves, and other tissues fully knit together after your body had to fight the staph infection. Physical therapy would usually help speed healing and movement a little if the muscles supporting the spinal column gain strength, but with the severity of your Staph infection they had to be very careful before they could even think about even the lightest PT.

But like you, I would be lacking patience with the whole situation and, well, the old joke remark, "I want patience, and I want it right now," comes to mind.

It will get better. Thoughts and prayers as always.

Bobbie

PS: Hospice is a good thing and it doesn't mean an immediate death sentence. It is often a tool doctors use these days to help patients, their caregiver(s), and families dealing with diseases and disorders that can be or will be terminal which includes not only cancer, but ALS, alzheimers, parkinsons, just to name a few. It is better to err on the side of safety to give the patient, caregiver(s), and families extra resources. I was impressed with the caring and knowledge of the various hospice workers. My mom-in-law had congestive heart failure, COPD, and non-smoker second-hand smoke emphysema. She had nearly died of pneumonia until we moved back to stay with her and with the help of hospice she actually got better for several years until her death at age 79 (its a long story). Her doctor, who was smart enough to know he wasn't a god, had told me that he had patients who he had expected to die within 6 months, but who were still alive years later on hospice or actually improved enough to go off hospice. Hospice even continued to take care of my dad-in-law while he was in a nursing facility until his death at age 80 of type 1 diabetes complications. You never know.

We were sort of all reminded of that when 28 yr old Heath Ledger died, or at least I got that message.

Sent by Bobbie Hollis in Texas | 5:58 PM ET | 01-24-2008

To Nikki..........Thank you for your kind thoughts. Bless you.

Sent by Sasha | 6:22 PM ET | 01-24-2008

you are so very incredible - keep thinking positively and put one foot in front of the other - so many of us are praying for you and sending best wishes.
love, jan

Sent by janice goldberg white | 8:02 PM ET | 01-24-2008

Leroy, my follicular lymphoma is currently in remission, following an autologous stem cell transplant last March (2007). But certainly each day hosts the prospects of the range of uncertainty, possibility, and fragility that you know so well. I offer all my encouragement, strength and purpose to you. Blessings, dear friend.
Dick

Sent by Dick Lehman | 8:22 PM ET | 01-24-2008

Leroy:
Ups, downs, they don't exist in this instant of time.
For now,just Be.
Love, Don

Sent by don winslow | 11:42 PM ET | 01-24-2008

I loved your humor today! I wish I just could just have a headache and not lung cancer. Those were the days. Each day is a gift now, and even though it was then we or should I say I did take it for granted at times. We try to live to our fullest. God Bless uo ALL!

Sent by Diane | 12:23 AM ET | 01-25-2008

You said that you have improved some...you are moving in the right direction, Leroy. Even if it is slow going.

Sent by Angela | 12:23 AM ET | 01-25-2008

Dear LeRoy,
Do you know how many people look forward to reading your words ?
They are so real.
You tell it like it is.
Thank you.
May the love and support of your family, fans and friends carry you along the way.

Sent by Lynne | 6:44 PM ET | 01-25-2008