Thank you Leroy for another great post today. Thank you for being the voice of cancer warriors everywhere. Thank you for being here.
Peace

Sent by Jessie | 8:23 AM ET | 01-15-2008

Dear Leroy,
My husband has always been careful about his appearance. When he went on taxol last January and lost all his hair, he took to wearing many different baseball hats. He was very confident that his hair would return and his cancer would disappear. Well sadly, only half of that prediction came true and though he's been on many different drug protocols, he always said that he'd never again take a drug that caused hair loss. Yesterday, at the oncologist's office, he had to make that choice again. He told the doctor how upset he was at the prospect of going around hairless but asked the doctor for his opinion. The Doc said that he thought it would be silly not to give the drug a try. So this Friday, he plans to once again, give up his vanity in order to try and fight. I give him so much credit. You're so right. Looks aren't everything.

Sent by Elaine | 8:24 AM ET | 01-15-2008

I think that you show outstanding courage and honesty in a war that you didn't want to fight. Prayers are with you.

Sent by Jen | 8:28 AM ET | 01-15-2008

Leroy, You want to get well and you want to live. Nothing wrong with that.

Hope you have a pain-free day, or close to it.

Sent by Marilyn | 8:33 AM ET | 01-15-2008

And as we all know...the end for all of us will be death. If not from cancer, then from something else. I hope that when my time comes, I'll be surrounded by love and leave with grace. Stephanie Dornbrook modeled that kind of exit to us all very well.

Sent by Nancy K. Clark | 8:33 AM ET | 01-15-2008

Hang in there dear friend............Prayers to you and Laurie.

Sent by Sasha | 8:45 AM ET | 01-15-2008

Take it the mat, Leroy! You are a fighter, stalwart warrior, absolutely phenomenal in your resolve! Instead of Dumbledore's Army we are Siever's Army! We are fighting with you!

PS the first day of the new semester absolutely exhausted me.... Is it Friday yet????

Sent by Sue Chap | 9:01 AM ET | 01-15-2008

Yep, and we are all very proud of you! You help us to keep fighting and you give us hope in our own battles. Our battlegrounds are all the same, filled with pain, suffering, death, and the reason we keep fighting is the hope of tomorrow. You are a brave man!
All the best Leroy!

Sent by Laurie Hirth | 9:12 AM ET | 01-15-2008

Please keep going and doing. All of our scars are a measure of our determination to get well. I pray for you every day. With care, Anne

Sent by anne lumberger | 9:13 AM ET | 01-15-2008

Leroy, you are a courageous hero for telling it like it is. For facing this thing head on and not shrinking or holding back. For giving voice to those who are not able to express the experience of cancer and for their loved ones who cannot understand it...

Sent by Anna Marie | 9:13 AM ET | 01-15-2008

Leroy: You are a HERO!! A hero is someone who helps others and YOU SURE HAVE DONE THAT. And fought the GOOD Fight. We are proud of you, you ARE our HERO And you will make it to the end! BLESSING HERO!

Sent by Joanie, Front Royal, Va | 9:18 AM ET | 01-15-2008

Badges of courage...wavy scar lines, thickened skin where the phlebotomists did their work, missing pieces of our bodies, stacks of x-rays and receipts from medical offices.

"Trying to get well. Because that's really all we're talking about here."

How right you are.

Peggy

Sent by Peggy | 9:23 AM ET | 01-15-2008

Leroy, well said. Have a good day

Sent by dorothy in oregon | 9:28 AM ET | 01-15-2008

Good Morning Leroy, Laurie and All,

Leroy, Making it to the end of a good long life is indeed what it is all about. And as Randy Travis sings about in his song, "Three Wooden Crosses," "It's what you leave behind you when you go." The material things that we gather along life's journey are important to us, of course. But the contributions that we give others are what will be remembered and Leroy, you have given so much to so many!!

Laurie, You and all the caregivers give of yourselves on a daily basis. And you struggle on while your own hearts are breaking. There is no greater gift!

To All, The sharing, support and compassion located here in this community are priceless! God Bless!

Eileen Pruyne
Charlotte, NC.

Sent by Eileen Pruyne | 9:34 AM ET | 01-15-2008

Wishing you get well Leroy.

God bless you.

Judy

Sent by Judy Voller | 9:37 AM ET | 01-15-2008

You are our hero Leroy.

Eileen

Sent by Eileen Peacock | 9:45 AM ET | 01-15-2008

Your courage is evident each day because of your blog. You share with all of us and anyone else who cares to read the ups, downs, sadness, joy, anger and hope that exists in the average cancer patient's world. Most of this is unseen in the average cancer patient's world except by the caregiver, family and friends. Your courage...well, it is inspiring. We are grateful that you and Laurie will share this journey with us. We are better because of it.

Prayers as always.

Sent by Al Cato | 10:00 AM ET | 01-15-2008

Leroy

If you take medicine that affects your hair I will send you a hat.

You know if you needed mouth to mouth the people on the blog would blow you off the ground. We want you to be feeling better about as much as you do.

Hang in there.

Sent by Irene | 10:35 AM ET | 01-15-2008

Billy Crystal has it wrong when he says, "It's not how you feel, it's how. You. Look!"
Even though you don't look mahvelous, you are still pretty mahvelous to us.

Hang in there Leroy.

Sent by Julie | 10:59 AM ET | 01-15-2008

Leroy,
In the years since we met you have fought one good fight after another, but this is the one for the record books. Don't ever roll over, lie down, or surrender. Life is to be seized, defended, and above all lived. Thank you for showing the way.

Sent by Kyle Olson | 11:08 AM ET | 01-15-2008

Leroy, Life leaves marks!! Some can be seen, others cannot, but they all make us who we are. In the end, I want to be remembered as someone who fought hard. I really don't care how many marks I have when I'm done, if it buys time with my friends and family it is worth all of the pain. You help so many, and only ask that we listen, I wish I could help more. Some battle!
A quote from a deep thinker, Al Davis,"Just win Baby." Stan

Sent by Stan Wozniak | 11:10 AM ET | 01-15-2008

Leroy, Good Morning! Sure sounds like that imagination of yours is active once again. Tell me though, how does anyone know when he has made it to the end? Do we want to know? My Mom was exactly my age when she left us. We all knew that she was getting there but I for one, refused to accept it as a fact and often told her so when she would tell me,"Honey, I will not always be here for you", and I would answer that she was talking silly and she would indeed, be around for a long, long, time.
It is rougher for those we leave behind than for ourselves. The very fact that you speak about not caring what you will look like, as long as you can be around to the end, indicates that you have NO intention of leaving us anytime soon. Good! We simply want what is coming to us and be allowed to live as comfortably as possible and leave this world a better place for us having been in it. AND you do and you will.

Sent by J C R | 11:11 AM ET | 01-15-2008

Great posting Leroy - all of us are heroes in one way or another. Every day we get through with cancer we are a hero. Somedays it takes a struggle of heroic proportions to do the daily things other people take for granted; getting out of bed, supervising the kids, managing the house, walking the dogs, getting meals, even going to work I don't know how people hold down jobs and go through treatment at the same time. Remember the song "I need a Hero" (think from the 80's?) well people like you are heroes to those of us who don't have a voice. Your column should be read by everyone whether affected by cancer or not. At the least, it should be required reading for anybody in politics, working in pharmaceuticals, or otherwise engaged in cancer research.

Sent by Marcia Greer | 11:19 AM ET | 01-15-2008

Dear Leroy,

It's funny how my views about beauty have changed. Once your body looks like ten miles of bad road, you realize that true beauty lies within. Cancer has taught me to love my outward body for what it allows me to do...feel the softness of my grandson's skin, run five miles until my body is glistening with sweat, dance the cumbia until I am exhausted, not for how it looks.

And you, my friend, are beautiful.

As ever,
Mo

Sent by Mo Spikes | 11:20 AM ET | 01-15-2008

Reading Elaine's post about her husband and his hair loss hit close to home. I went through a seven month protocol last year that made my hair fall out. I was quite excited to have hair by summer. This year I did two treatments that we are not going to continue but my hair fell out immediately after the first one. It really is hard. I didn't think I was very vain about these things but it is such an outward sign of the disease. I go into the hospital this Friday for RFA and it really upsets me because this will be the first time I have been in the hospital without hair. I know I won't feel like wearing my wig or a scarf after the procedure. There will be all those nursing and CNA's coming into my room and I will be hairless. It is a pretty silly thing to worry about.

Sent by Dona | 11:30 AM ET | 01-15-2008

I love knowing that, however long we live, it's a complete life. And now that my scars are measured in feet and not inches, I'm thankful appearance ain't got nothing to do with any of it!

Sent by Pat McRee | 12:01 PM ET | 01-15-2008

I am glad to read that you are still in the race, Leroy! I'm telling you it's been a tough couple of weeks of "comrades" who are not fairing well. Thank you for reminding me that I still have lots left to fight with (and for).

Sent by Becky | 12:08 PM ET | 01-15-2008

The documentary and your "blog" is more beneficial than talking to the oncologist. I think of you daily and it bring tears daily because I watched my 20 year old granddaughter go through this for five years, and she fought and had hope until the end. She did as you are she didn't want the pain medicine, and limited it but then the last eight months, she had to have all they could find. Cancer survivor, is no such thing. Once you have cancer, it comes back according to where you have it as to how long, next month, next year, or 20 years, it is like your enemy, waiting to strike. Keep fighting and we all pray that something will be found in time. Other problems with cancer is that most of the oncologist do not know enough about you personally, just medically and are not always agreeable to try something they think will not work. But, so what, if nothing else worked lets give it a try. Keep fighting and keep writing everybody needs to know more about cancer. I am afraid only the ones with cancer really know what is going on in this ugly field of cancer.

Sent by mavis | 12:14 PM ET | 01-15-2008

You are absolutely right about the scares. There are over 200 kids at the hospital where I work that would trade a scare for a trip home. Hang in there Leroy. The body can be an amazing thing.

Sent by Lisa | 12:16 PM ET | 01-15-2008

Leroy...today I read your comments and smiled to myself at your words. Badge(s) of courage, how appropriate. My body is also riddled with them. A slash across my neck from thyroid surgery (not cancer) Mohrs surgery to remove basil cell carcinomas on left side of upper chest, bikini scar from total hysterectomy, a slash across my right breast from mastectomy, and currently last but not least -- heart surgery scar right down the middle to remove cancerous thymus gland behind sternum. Oh..yes - also droopy left breast from deflated implant. I could play connect the dots on my front from one badge of courage to the next. Not a pretty sight in the mirror, but I am still here and hopefully to encourage others to endure and give thanks --- after all, isn't that what it's all about... to love God and each other??
xxoo Jo Ann

Sent by Jo Ann Baswell | 12:20 PM ET | 01-15-2008

Well, we're ALL going to make it to the end, with or without cancer. It's just that we want to postpone that "end" as long as possible!I'm wondering why you think most men (but not women?) are attracted to the idea of being a "wounded hero"? It's certainly true that the battle scars don't really matter when we are totally focused on the outcome. My son recently burned me a music CD of songs he thought I'd like. One of my favorites is a rollicking version of a quote from Martin Luther King and I think it's applicable here: "Keep your eyes on the prize, hold on!"

Sent by Doris | 12:42 PM ET | 01-15-2008

Well, Leroy, I have the scars and the tattoos and the Sharpie lines to guide the radiation techs. Today is meet with the doctor day. Dr. P tells me my blood work up from last week is "fantastic!" Made my day.

Sent by Dianne (DC) | 12:59 PM ET | 01-15-2008

Your courage, candor, insight, and humor is truly an inspiration to those who battle cancer as well as the people who love them. Sending prayers and good thoughts your way.

Sent by Ann | 1:10 PM ET | 01-15-2008

Your comments made me think of a quote to the effect that scars are like tatoos only with better stories.

And of lines from one of Nathan Moore's songs: "I know one day I'll die... But not till I'm done living, and that could take the rest of my life!"

I always loved the title of a book by or about Elisabeth Kubler Ross: "To Live Until We Say Good-bye." Cancer or no cancer, that always seemed an excellent goal to me.

I wish you much health, much time, and more and more and more of all you love the best. I wish you a life and timeline that fit your heart's and body's wishes to perfection. I wish you time and space for everything, and for all time.

Sent by Sarah | 1:45 PM ET | 01-15-2008

Dear Elaine (for your husband) and Dona, Two fun things when my own hair went on extended walk-about during chemo: an artist friend got body paint and created a masterwork a la Peter Maxx on my pate that to this day (decades later) still delights me to remember. He reframed my loss of flaming red hair into a net gain of being a walking piece of art for the day. The other is how sensuous a shower feels on the skin of your head which until these bald times was insulated every moment by hair. That was one of the most sumptuous surprises of that era for me. I hope you find your own ways of reframing the loss of hair into something that reflects your own style, attitude, or source of comfort and joy. I wish you success in the treatments, and a sense of still being yourself in full presence during the journey ahead!

Sent by Sarah | 1:55 PM ET | 01-15-2008

My definition for "hero" and "courage" has always been the same: a person who is fearful of whatever he/she knows needs to be done, and doing it anyway."
Sometimes I have failed that standard -- I think we all do. No one can be courageous all the time.

Sent by Donagene | 3:06 PM ET | 01-15-2008

KUDOS to you Leroy. Take Care

Sent by Teresa in WV | 3:25 PM ET | 01-15-2008

Dear Leroy,

Haven't commented in a while. My daughter has been very sick with a respiratory virus that turned into pneumonia. Very stressful and scary, and my heart really goes out to parents with chronically ill children. It's the worst thing in the world to have your child sick. She is on the mend, now, Thank God. I still pray for you and everyone here, and hope that you are finding combinations of drugs that ease your pain, and that you continue to fight, and the "end" of this life as we know it for you, is years, and years away.

Much love to you all.

Sent by Connie | 4:09 PM ET | 01-15-2008

Here's to getting well and making it to the end.

Hang in there, Leroy. We are all rooting for you and praying for you!

Sent by Marcy in NJ | 4:14 PM ET | 01-15-2008

Battle scars are there on us all. Your body also goes through so many changes. My scare goes all the way from my pelvis to my breast. Plus the scar where my port is. Sexy and strapless are a thing of the past. Even though my husband tells me I am sexy everyday. My stomach is bigger than ever. I have always had a flat stomach except when I was pregnant. My hair was gone and now is back differnt than before. What do I do with all the curls? So let's all keep fighting and if we end up with more badges of courage so be it. We are here. We should all send in pictures of our scars and be like those women in the Dove comercials and be proud of our bodies no matter what they look like. Leroy- your badge is one of honor and honesty. Thank you.

Sent by Cathy | 4:18 PM ET | 01-15-2008

Blessings and peace to all cancer warriors.

Sent by Deborah of Asheville, NC | 4:20 PM ET | 01-15-2008

Leroy,
For some of the "healthy", the journey is easy. They do not even realize they are on a journey. However a cancer patient is crudely put on "the cancer journey". It is up to us, to navigate it to the best of our ability.
You are an inspiration for all of us.
Wanda Amorose

Sent by Wanda Amorose | 4:35 PM ET | 01-15-2008

Finishing strong is the best I can do. I cannot control what life throws at me but I can make the choice to do my best and what is right. I've been totally parylyzed, heart bypass, diabetes, cancer, and lost a mother to pancreatic cancer. I'm not a hero for this resume and I couldn't avoid some of the storms. It's not about winning or losing, that's for a sports fan. What I can do is deal with matters as best as I can. Bringing peace to anything left undone, forgiving everything. If I should leave this earth I hope that others can say that I "finished strong" and just maybe, they'll choose the same.

Sent by Richard Williams | 5:20 PM ET | 01-15-2008

Dear friend:
Special thanks for today's entry. I forwarded it to my dear friend Dan who has stage 4 lung cancer. He should have finished chemo last October but has had so many setbacks, due to infections and very low platelet counts that he still has one more to go. That one is still on hold because of another infection, which once again requires 15 successive days of intravenous antibiotic that he must go daily to the hospital to get in the infusion center.
Today I took him there and saw how bruised his arms are from the punctures and blood problem. He soldiers on; he recently returned from a family trip to Hawaii during which he spent much of his time in the cabin of the cruise ship taking oral antibiotics and too tired to do much else. Your beautifully written piece was about you and also about him. Thank you so much.

Sent by Harriet | 6:05 PM ET | 01-15-2008

Sometimes people say I have courage and stamina and strength. A good attitude. And I appreciate these comments very much--but I don't feel particularly courageous. After all, what's my alternative? On the other hand, a little bit of reciprocal idealization humanizes the whole process so I'm all for it. And Leroy, as I've said before, I admire your candor.

Sent by sajenkins | 6:26 PM ET | 01-15-2008

Leroy,

I've been reading your blog for a long time now and it just occurred to me that if/when I get cancer, your blog is a roadmap about how to do it. Thank you, as always, for your candor.

Sent by Diana Kitch | 7:14 PM ET | 01-15-2008

I've been reading your blog ever since shortly before the PBS TV special when I heard you on the radio. Every now and then I check in to see how you're doing. Last week my father, 76 yrs and retired from the police force after 30 yrs of service, had his upper right lung lobe removed. A week later they tell him further examination showed non-small cell and it was in one lumph node. I've told him that he's my John Wayne, my Robert Stack and my Marshal Dillon and he can't "go anywhere" yet; that I still need him. I'm going to print your words today and give them to him and I hope they will help him be of courage and do as he's always told me - - to fight until the end -- give 'em [it] hell. There is no other way. Never give in.

Sent by P Sut | 7:33 PM ET | 01-15-2008

Dear Leroy,
I have been reading your blog for months now and each day I feel grateful for my health and the health of my husband and children. Thank you for reminding me to appreciate that gift. Wishing you continued strength and courage to face what lies ahead. Your blog is making a positive difference in others' lives, what a gift.

Sent by Francoise Reynolds | 7:38 PM ET | 01-15-2008

Good night Leroy. Not often I have said that. Hope you are getting some peaceful nights these days. A pain-free time with restful sleep while our poor abused bodies try to mend themselves, is a truly wonderful thing and now, we can appreciate it. We were too busy all those past years to realize how great the little things in life can be. Maybe we are learning to enjoy the simpiler things in life.

Sent by J C R | 8:07 PM ET | 01-15-2008

Leroy,
Your comments today really hit home. My 48 year old husband died in November after a valiant 7 month battle with angiosarcoma. I remember when he came home from the hospital after one of his hospitalizations. He had scars, bruises, a swollen belly and a metaport coming out of his body. He looked in the mirror and asked me if he looked like Frankenstein. I remember looking at him and thinking he was still the the most handsome man I have ever met. Remember, "Scars, wrinkles, sagging flesh and other physical imperfections are merely evidence that we have lived and loved."
-The Velveteen Principles
Keep up the fight, we are all in your corner!

Sent by Lynne | 9:16 PM ET | 01-15-2008

Leroy,

Yes, we have to go through our battles. I anxiously await my next scan in a week. It will determine my next round of treatment. My body is sending me signals that there are problems. I am not convinced that the current med I am on is working. But you never know. Maybe it is stress. I can still be the eternal optimist can't I? I will try to ignore my pain for one more week and try to enjoy my days as I am still chemo free. I am so afraid that I will have to start chemo again for the fourth time. I hate it soooooo much. Whow! way too emotional here. Thanks for listening.

Hugs, Betty

Sent by Betty Kern | 4:20 AM ET | 01-16-2008