Hey Leroy,

I think, you have hit it on the head again. Problems, health, other things that create stress do take a toll and sap your energy. Thinking clearly is important. Rest is extremely important.

My dad (almost 90) will frequently tell me to "take time to smell the roses."

Do something fun, laugh, be free for a while.

Sent by Sue Chap | 7:34 AM ET | 01-11-2008

Leroy - I hear you, my friend!

Actually, I wish it were possible to not only run away, but "just take a deep breath." :-)

Holding on to you in thought and prayer.

Sent by Vicky (NY) | 7:38 AM ET | 01-11-2008

Wish you could as well. Thoughts and prayers are with you.

Sent by Jen | 7:49 AM ET | 01-11-2008

Years ago when it seemed that the bad things happening in my life would crush me and there was no way I could escape, even for a minute, my dear mother gave me permission to stop for one hour and take a mini-break from my life. "Don't worry, it will still be there," she said. So I did. It was still there, and surprisingly, so was I, feeling a little better. Running away is a grand idea. And I love that scene, too. Much love to you all.

Sent by Diane | 8:10 AM ET | 01-11-2008

That's the spirit Lerooy! Look at the absurbity of life as that show does. I love them also, always have.
Life is rather absurb when you think about it. Here we are stumbling through what is a relatively a very short span of years. No Instruction Manual, no one to tell us what awaits us at the end of the journey 'cause no one has ever returned to tell us about it. Why do some of us hurt so bad while others simply breeze through it all? Fair? NO!
Keep thinking about Monty Python and smile. and run like H--l! We are all right behind you, bringing up the rear.

Sent by J C R | 8:18 AM ET | 01-11-2008

Leroy, everyone needs an occasional break from cancer, even if only for a little while. You don't necesarily have to physically go to Hawaii (although that sounds like a wonderful place to run away to!),but, a little distraction might be called for right now.

Try to take a break this weekend - listen to music, take a walk around the block, watch a comedy, whatever pleases you - even if only mentally.

All the best.

Sent by Marilyn | 8:22 AM ET | 01-11-2008

Leroy:
Jane's response of two days ago about her husband and his difficult decision, to fight or not to fight, was very moving. It reminded me of a support group discussion of several years ago:

David's Choice
Six of us sat in a circle
Talking about David, with David.

Too much radiation, more and more Chemo,
Which way to go, what to do next?

Ours to advise and support
His the decision to make.

Continue Chemo? Open Wound Clinic?
Any new treatments to try?

And then, with a thunderclap of clarity,
Came a quiet whisper of wisdom!

It's all right David,
It's all right to let go!

David went home, Hospice came to him.
Family and friends, he in his favorite chair.

Go gently, dear David,
Go gently into that good, peaceful, healing night.

Love, Don

Sent by don winslow | 8:22 AM ET | 01-11-2008

Leroy - you are so right.......what we all really want is a glimpse or some time in the bc world (before cancer).....
But, I'm reminded of the movie "What About Bob" and when Bill Murray is given a prescription to "take a vacation from his problems".......
As silly and unrealistic as it really is - we all need to "take a vacation from our problems" - our worries, our fears, our concerns and just be........
Hope your mini-vacation can start today!
Hugs and peace to you and Laurie....

Sent by Ruth Chermok | 8:40 AM ET | 01-11-2008

You remind me more of the Monty Python knight, who when faced with grave injury pronouced, "it's only a flesh wound!" Fight on valiant knight! Of course, I think you do have much more reason to hope than he did!

Hope your pain is back under control, so you can face life better. Chronic pain saps the soul, it's like a fog over all that is hopeful and good. (unless of course you are far nobler than I, but then again, that is very likely).

Rest well and hold the hands of people who love you this weekend.

Sent by Robin L. Fairfax, VA | 9:05 AM ET | 01-11-2008

Good Morning Leroy, Laurie and All,

Leroy, You are so right! We all need some time to just run away, if only for a little while. Tom and I ran away yesterday to Cherokee in the mountains of North Carolina. We took a bus trip to the casino, there was laughter and singing on the bus and fun at the casino. There was life and Cancer had to take a back seat, at least for the day.

Laurie, I hope you and Leroy will run away, if only into a movie on tv. Pull the shades down and keep the Cancer out, if only for a little while.

To All, May we all find ways to run away for a little while. And maybe through research, hope and prayers those who come after us will not have to run so hard. God Bless!

Eileen Pruyne
Charlotte, NC

Sent by Eileen Pruyne | 9:08 AM ET | 01-11-2008

Dear Leroy,

Both my husband and I have been thinking of you and praying for you this past week. Hang in there buddy.

I love all the comments about taking a break from cancer -- we all need to do that every single day! Whether it's going out on a swiping fest (retail therapy), having something sweet (chocolate therapy) or just sitting quietly in meditation, blocking it all out (spiritual therapy), I know I do better when I "indulge" in something renewing and revitalizing every single day.

Our world is so focused on production, and being "productive." It's been tough to let go of that part of life -- it's hard not getting a paycheck anymore, and not just for the money part of it. So I find myself trying to compensate for my lack of wage earning by overdoing it around the house. Super mom. Super housekeeper. Who am I trying to impress? Myself, I think. Trying to understand that this person I once was is still in there.

But I get the most (and the most real) satisfaction from giving to myself instead of to everyone else.

So you have all our permission to give to Leroy today!

Sent by jordis | 9:24 AM ET | 01-11-2008

Well, stepping back and disassociating is probably the best thing at this time. You need a break from the battle, don't you? Even a general has to sleep sometime. Take a holiday. I hope the pain is subsiding now. I am sorry there is not anything they can do to help but at least you can take your ibuprofen again.

Sent by Alycia Keating | 9:31 AM ET | 01-11-2008

Run away, run away. I can see it too. Every Sunday night with a group of friends. Good stuff...

So blog friends. I was thinking in bed this morning about our Leroy and how much he has affected all of our lives even though he is ill. Talk about a selfless act of compassion!

What I was wondering was is there anyone that reads this blog that may know how to nominate a person for the Nobel Peace Prize? Seriously!

Cancer is not only a physical detriment to the body but also an emotional detriment to the mind and soul. Being able to share like we have with Leroy has been a blessing for all of us and it appears to me we have become a community of patients, caregivers, family and friends who have been touched by the evil hand of cancer. As there is not much control we have in what happens to a person's body due to cancer, we can control how cancer touches our spirit.

I think Leroy has opened up a venue for all of us to "speak" to him and each other about an array of feelings and emotions we may have otherwise not been able to express.

Like one women said, she chose not to join a support group as she had Leroy. I have felt the EXACT same way! Leroy has helped me during the last 2 months of my son's life and I still check in with him everyday.

Doesn't that deserve some recognition?

If anyone can help me out with this I would be most greatful.

As for you Leroy, remember you are not alone on this journey. He is with you every step of the way and so are we.

Take care,

Judy Voller, 49
caregiver, 26 year old son, metastatic poorly differentiated adenocarcinoma with an unknown primary

Sent by Judy Voller | 9:38 AM ET | 01-11-2008

Dear Leroy, I too am a Monty Python fan! Remember in the Holy Grail movie when the knight gets his extremeties cut off but he keeps on fighting? Get some coconuts today and go for a horseback journey through the country side :)! Thank you for this wonderful site and for sharing so much with us.

Sent by Susie R. from OH | 9:42 AM ET | 01-11-2008

Hoping you can find a way to "take a break" even for just an hour. Maybe focus on a small bit of time that is managable...even 20 minutes of distraction should help.

Peace to you and Laurie.

Sent by Lori | 9:47 AM ET | 01-11-2008

Take some time for you and Laurie. Go away for a weekend or even a short over night trip to somewhere. Try to focus on something happy and cheerful. As one person said today in her comment "Stop and smell the roses". God Bless

Sent by Teresa in WV | 9:48 AM ET | 01-11-2008

Dear Leroy,

You and Laurie should spend a night or two in a nice hotel and order in some Mai Tai's.

You're in my thoughts and prayers,

Sent by Ronni | 9:57 AM ET | 01-11-2008

Hi again today. Just want to correct my bad spelling in my comment earlier. I should know better than to use words I don't spell properly - (ABSURB ?)sORRY ABOUT THAT! Laugh at me Leroy! May I blame it on my stroke which damaged my vision?

Sent by J C R | 10:02 AM ET | 01-11-2008

I was thinking about you this morning, getting ready for work. Wondering if you could take a break from all of it, if your body would let you, smell the flowers, gaze at the clouds, read a couple of pages, just for the joy of it. I hope you can this weekend.

Sent by Kathleen | 10:04 AM ET | 01-11-2008

I was just fantasising about going away and leaving my cancer behind last night. If only...

My surgeon called me last evening to say that there is increased fluid around my left lung (the upper lobe was removed in July of 06). That is why I've been so out of breath. He asked me if I wanted to have it drained right away and all I could think about was you, Leroy, and how painful you said the shot was.

I'm hoping the fluid is caused by my recent CyberKnife treatment, and that it will pass on it's own. He will look at my last CT scan and call me back. If it increases any more he said they will have to drain it.

Yes, you are right, this is just such an exhausting job. I hate all these decisions. I don't want people telling me how strong I am. I just want to be cancer free and pain free.

I'm getting a massage today. That will help.

Sent by Laurel M. Jones | 10:08 AM ET | 01-11-2008

Sometimes 'running away' is nothing more than giving yourself a break - and you certainly deserve it. Do something fun, something you really enjoy and enjoy it fully and thoroughly!

Sent by Patty | 10:13 AM ET | 01-11-2008

Hi Leroy - I smiled when you mentioned Monty Python - hadn't thought of that movie in a long time, but am going to get it and watch with my kids. I agree with the others above - find something lovely and simple you can do. Don't know what your weather's like, but we had a beautiful sunny day yesterday. I spent a big chunk lying in the chair in the yard ignoring cooking and housework. I also spent time leafing through my travel photos - great way to get out of the present into the past.
Maybe it's just a chance to read all those books you've been wanting to read; or write that story/book you've always wanted to write. Whatever you enjoy, do it. Thinking of you and hoping for better days -

Sent by Marcia Greer | 10:15 AM ET | 01-11-2008

This might be a good time to try meditation. A friend was telling me about CDs for meditation and guided image therapy that she used when she was in her darkest times with chemo. You wouldn't even have to leave the house, just pop in the disc and listen and let go.

Sent by Celeste | 10:23 AM ET | 01-11-2008

Leroy, I too hope this weekend that you can take a little mini break. Both you and Laurie probably need it badly. I know you never fully get away from the cancer situation but if even for just a few moments try to put something in front of it. Don't give it top billing. It's like takeing a breath of fresh air. You will be in my thoughts and hope you will have a restfull weekend. We care!!!!!

Sent by dorothy in oregon | 10:31 AM ET | 01-11-2008

Leroy,

Happy new year.

Sometimes it's good to just "read" a picture book and listen to your favorite music. It always takes me to a different place.

I got some great Vladimir Horowitz CD's at a local used CD store and I recommend any picture book by Ansel Adams.

All the best...

Sent by Emile | 10:41 AM ET | 01-11-2008

Leroy...
Your Monty Python clip took me right back to hi jinx in college with other fans....we were insane too! I had the BEST laugh over the killer bunny rerun!
Thanks for that!
Let's all run away from the stress and pain and care. Today is a gift!
"Sad times are these when any passing ruffian can say "NI" to an old woman!"

Sent by bethann | 10:41 AM ET | 01-11-2008

GO TO HAWAII!!!! (If not for you, then go for me:)

Sent by Bettye | 10:50 AM ET | 01-11-2008

Hi Leroy,
I read your blog today and all the comments - what an amazing group of people!No matter how screwed up the world is - there is still more love, humor and compassion out there and that is really something. Run away, Leroy, you definitely deserve it.

Have a peaceful weekend,

Lianne

Sent by Lianne Friedman | 10:50 AM ET | 01-11-2008

Just follow your intuition, Leroy. Let your body tell you what you need. Remember the wisdom our bodies have, if only we take the time to listen.

Kate

Sent by Kate Fuehrer | 11:02 AM ET | 01-11-2008

Leroy, Have you seen Bourne Ultimatum yet? Talk about running, see the movie. If you liked 24, my husband and I love it, you'll like Bourne's movies. It will help "get away" for a little while.
I pray that the docs will find a way to drain those pockets of fluid and that you can once again, find HOPE.

Sent by Ruth White | 11:12 AM ET | 01-11-2008

Would replaying Hawaiian tropical memories provide you with a day-dream escape Leroy? I've read that even the memory of a good hug is measurably therapeutic, so hope you can in some way have a "virtual" get-away via memory or your well-honed imagination. Also, Belleruth Naperstek's guided imagery CDs are truly remarkable. You might want to check those out. They gave me real ways of reframing medical experiences in ways that reduced my dread and sense of loss of control. Her CD's are actually used in hospitals. Just a thought. I expect your lifetime reservoir of memories hold lots of moments you may be able to escape to. And like someone else also sweet suggested a few days ago: your favorite cheesesteak sandwiches and a mai tai may help you relish the moment and pamper yourself with such concrete and delicious indulgences. Dan Fogelburg's line often comes to mind, like a mantra running in the background reminding me to love this life as much as it deserves to be loved, while recognizing it is not the end-all: "Death is there to keep us honest, and constantly remind us we are free."

Cheering you onward and knowing without question that you will find your way through life with fierce presence, heart, and wisdom. I hope also with laughter and juiciness whenever you can weave those in. And with celebration.

Sent by Sarah | 11:14 AM ET | 01-11-2008

I love that line from the HOLY Grail. I quote it all the time and many people just look and stare at me!

Humor and dignity...

Remember the scenes where the knights are still fighting, even though they don't have any arms or legs? Are we like that?

Hang in there.

Sent by Janis | 11:16 AM ET | 01-11-2008

TO: Jordis, I read your comments today and agree with you 100% about your "productive" comments. I am interested in hearing more about your particular situation with cancer, if you don't mind sharing. You said that you are home now, did cancer cause you to quit your job?

Sent by Ruth White | 11:17 AM ET | 01-11-2008

Leroy -- one more quote sprang to mind when reading Sue Chap's lovely words, "...be free for a while."

David Whyte (sumptuous poet) wrote, "the world is made to be free in. Anything or any one that does not bring you alive is too small for you."

This Virginia morning's strong, damp winds swept through me like a blessing. I hope you will find your own source of healing and grace be it secular, sacral or sacred.

If you've never listened to the astonishing musical group ThaMuseMeant, I recommend their song "Next Time You're Drifting My Way" if you want a lovely interlude away -- and all the rest of their music if you want to be transported to an amazing array of places in each CD. You can find them online at http://www.myspace.com/thamusemeant

This is not an informercial. Just a sharing of sources of energy that have been phenomenal in my own life.

You will find your own, and when you do, perhaps you will share them with us.

Blessings for this day and beyond,

Sent by Sarah | 11:35 AM ET | 01-11-2008

Leroy, you are in my heart. While I understand it is not possible to run away from cancer, I will share with you the tiny piece of advice that a friend of my mother's who has a terminal illness offered me when I was anxiety-ridden as my sister was dying. She told me when she feels sad, or scared, or heavy-minded, she closes her eyes and breathes in and out while repeating one word that is comforting. I find solace when I am near the ocean so to soothe myself i would say "ocean, ocean, ocean" over and over while picturing the grace of a wave breaking over rocks. It only made a small difference but I was grateful for any technique that afforded me a break from the pain for even a minute.
I hope you are surrounded by loved ones. We are all in your corner and you are in our grateful hearts.

Sent by liz | 11:43 AM ET | 01-11-2008

What did Linus of Peanuts fame say? No problem is too big that you can't run away from it.
Leroy, run to your travel agent and fly to Haiwaii if that makes you happy.
Just know that you still got game in you.

Sent by Jessie | 12:02 PM ET | 01-11-2008

"I think I'll go for a walk."

Sent by Jane from California | 12:03 PM ET | 01-11-2008

Leroy - full agreement here on the Monty Python. We all need to watch out for where the "Trojan Rabbit"lands - hopefully not on top of us. I also agree with others posted above about the "Black Knight" - you must feel the same way after all the treatments you've endured. My favorite is still the "I'm not dead yet..." (found at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kuvB7j9n-ll) sketch early in the movie, which I???ve adopted as a mantra. Hang in there and take the time to do more silly things.

Sent by Bob Maimone | 12:06 PM ET | 01-11-2008

Leroy, I can't run that far anymore. This whole situation just sucks for all of us. I feel so helpless, wish I could be there to help you. Please tell Laurie to hang in there. Get away for a day or two. Go to New York, stay at the Plaza, take some time. Pretend you are Tony Soprano and put out a hit on Cancer. Sorry about all this. Know your blog friends all feel the pain too. Love, Stan

Sent by Stan Wozniak | 12:11 PM ET | 01-11-2008

"Tis but a scratch..."

Sent by Gil | 12:54 PM ET | 01-11-2008

Run away to any place you can find some strength and contentment. I remember fighting those moments with my fiance, now I just want to run away from the fact that he is no longer here and I have to face that reality! UGH! Job searches, lonely days and nights, missing him, I just pray I keep having the strength to find my moments of contentment and strength. For right now, when I come home from work, my dogs jump all over me and lick my face and are so excited to see me...thats my run away moment! I pray you can find yours! God's Peace to you and Laurie!

Sent by Laurie Hirth | 1:20 PM ET | 01-11-2008

Leroy, I have never posted a comment, but have been following your blog for several months. I felt moved to write today to let you know what a privilege it is to witness your journey. I know there are thousands more like me... quietly, silently rooting you on. My hope is that our presence gives you some sense of connection and comfort.

Sent by Stephanie Vagle | 1:27 PM ET | 01-11-2008

Thank you Leroy for just plain being you. I am moved daily by reading your Blog. Keep on Keeping on. As Jimmy V. said, "Don't give up, don't ever give up'.

Sent by Robert and Susan Sheehan | 1:30 PM ET | 01-11-2008

Leroy and all,
Here's something you may want to listen to...right here on this NPR site. Beethoven wrote a piece of music which expressed his feelings after recovering from a near-fatal illness.
Go to the top of this page and choose "Archive", then next page type in "Takacs", and then next page choose "Beethoven's message to God".
I first heard this stunning movement 33 years ago. It remains the most profound expression of suffering and redemption I know of. It was played by the Takacs Quartet right there in the studo. Listen to the end; it starts softly and goes to excrusiating depth.

Thank God for NPR!

Cathi from tht PNW

Sent by Cathi | 1:36 PM ET | 01-11-2008

Get a canary

The singing is so nice

Sent by Irene | 1:58 PM ET | 01-11-2008

I can't stop thinking about what Peggy said the other day, "I am not sure how I have come to care so much about you, a man I have never met" -I think it is because unfortunately, we don't usually have this honest a conversation with the people in our lives.
I hope your weekend brings some peace and some freedom from the pain and how is Laurie doing?

Sent by Julie | 2:03 PM ET | 01-11-2008

Hi there Leroy,
Maybe it's the mind's natural way of giving itself a rest, of ramping up for another round in the ring with cancer. I hope you can "Run away" for a little while, turn off the cancer channel. I know this is probably a redundant comment, but you are amazing and I wish you all the comfort you can take.

Sent by Beth S. | 2:44 PM ET | 01-11-2008

Leroy,

What you want to do is pretty hard to pull off, but if you can immerse yourself in something you are passionate about - even for a little while - it might help.

Sent by Diana Kitch | 2:51 PM ET | 01-11-2008

Practical, schmactical. Go to Hawaii. Or the Caribbean. Or some other lovely place with beautiful soft air and sounds of water and birds. You can't leave the cancer behind, but you can leave "cancer world" behind. No tests. No docs. No obligations or decisions. Just go, and just be.

Sent by Keri | 2:55 PM ET | 01-11-2008

Maybe you can (mentally). One year my son really wanted to go to Hawaii instead of a dang horse show, so, we bought fake palm trees, little paper umbrellas and brought Hawaii to the horse show.

Maybe you could get some of those fake palms, put on your loudest Hawaiin shirt, put the sounds of the ocean in the CD player and see if a good Mai Tai or two might just take you away, at least for a moment or two.

Sent by Karen D. | 3:01 PM ET | 01-11-2008

Hi Leroy, Just read your comment about it being impossible to just run away. You're right. Maybe take a deep breath or two, but... the illness consumes you - there's no getting away from it - distractions help if you're not having too much pain, but it's always lurking somewhere in the background. I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. My prayers and thoughts are with you and Laurie.

Sent by Susan Harmon | 3:09 PM ET | 01-11-2008

I may be overly sensitive to this blog today and Leroy's metaphor about running away but.... I hope and pray that you will feel free even empowered to say to us, your army of bloggers,"I need some time, some space from this blog." It is ok to take some time to breathe; to contemplate; to refelct; and yes, to "run away" for awhile. Please be selfish for yourself and your loved ones. Cherish the time spent with them...laugh some, cry some, tell tall tales, reflect upon the precious memories stored in your heart and share them with those you love most and build some new memories with and for them.

Even as special as this place is to all of us, you and Laurie are even more special. So if you feel that you must "get away", please do so. We'll be here when you return! And while you are away, our prayers will continue just as if we were speaking to you daily through our emails.

If we took a vote today, we would vote unanimously for you do what you feel is best for you and Laurie now!

May God bring His mercy, grace and healing power to be visited upon you Leroy. Most of all, may He bring you Peace!!

Sent by Al Cato | 3:55 PM ET | 01-11-2008

Another Monty Python gem from the same movie is, "I'm not dead yet!" It's a perfect reminder to stay in the moment.

Thank God you still have your sense of humor. Keep laughing, Leroy, and give your cancer a great big "NI!" from me.

Sent by Jess | 3:59 PM ET | 01-11-2008

I too wish I could run away. Tired of the "new normal" this cancer brings to a person. Mentally in the Bahamas as I type this -- feels good, cheaper too!
Rest after battle is a "good thing"! Oops, sounded like Martha Stewart for a moment :-) God's peace be with you and the strength only He can give...

Sent by Jo Ann Baswell | 4:20 PM ET | 01-11-2008

Hi Leroy!

Here's a goal: when you are stronger get tickets for you and Laurie to see Spamalot in NYC (or in DC if it is playing).

Guaranteed to take your mind off cancer for 1.5 hours.

If you want to run away for a day or two....

Have a good weekend!

Sent by Liz L. | 4:22 PM ET | 01-11-2008

Leroy - be a lumberjack and be OK - work all night and sleep all day!

You can leave out the cross-dressing part if you want, although it might be a rather interesting topic for your next TV special.

Oh, and stay away from elderberries, too!

Sent by Joyce in FL | 4:47 PM ET | 01-11-2008

Hawaii

Sent by Dona | 4:50 PM ET | 01-11-2008

Leroy,
When your feeling up to it, maybe a nice warm bath and a book on tape would help ease an hour. (Along with a delicious box of Godiva chocolates to savor and perhaps a snort of vino) It's your turn to rest. Then go watch some more Monty Python!! Laughter may be the best medicine...
Thinking of you.

Sent by Liz J. | 5:16 PM ET | 01-11-2008

To Laurie Hirth,
Laurie, I am a caregiver to my husband and your posts are an inspiration to me. I admire your strength and your ability to look for the happy moments in life. I am married almost 40 years and can't imagine life without my husband but to lose a fiance must be equally devastating. Again, thanks for writing.

Sent by Elaine | 5:27 PM ET | 01-11-2008

Leroy, maybe try to carve out a block of time and just enjoy something (B-movies or great movies for one). Are you a football fan? Want to wallow in mindless football watching this weekend (I am - Go Seattle!). Big hugs....

Sent by Dorothy - Los Angeles | 5:34 PM ET | 01-11-2008

Oh, yeah! I haven't been in your shoes, but there have definitely been times when I "ran away" from cancer news that was just too terrifying to take in at that moment. Call it denial, but a certain amount of self-protection is necessary sometimes.

Bless your heart, Leroy -- even with all you have on your plate, you had me laughing out loud this morning, remembering the knights who say "Nih!" hopping around on their one remaining foot, with blood spurting from the stump where one arm had been chopped off -- still slashing away with their swords, confident of victory. Pretty good metaphor for the battle with cancer.

Sent by Doris | 6:35 PM ET | 01-11-2008

Many thanks to Al Cato for beautifully expressing what I felt but could not find the words to convey.

Sent by Harriet | 6:42 PM ET | 01-11-2008

I agree with Al Cato, Leroy. Please think of yourself, your loved ones. Do what you need to do. Al, you always have a way with words.

Sent by Carol | 7:25 PM ET | 01-11-2008

Dear Leroy, I've been following your posts every day and I resonate to so many of the things you say. What do we do when there's nowhere to run? I just read a Churchill quote: "When you're going through hell, keep going." But I spoke with my oncologist about the point beyond which I don't want to keep going. Life is not sweet at any price. Thank you for savoring life enough to share your struggle with all of us on the listserve.

Sent by sajenkins | 7:49 PM ET | 01-11-2008

Leroy, remember that you are 'not dead yet' and you will 'walk tomorrow' into another scene in the Cancer vs. Fighters on-going saga. Grab some coconuts and run away for a while, even if it is only in your mind. You deserve it ! We will do the same and hope you get the good karma that emerges. Thanks again to you for your courage and wit, and to all of you who comment on the blog. I find the dialogue enlightening and helpful on my journey.

Sent by Lou Loggi | 7:51 PM ET | 01-11-2008

I agree with Dorothy above (wallow in mindless football!).

Also want you to know that you are in our prayers. I hadn't checked your blog for several days so just read about your news. Thinking of you!

Sent by Lisa Lindstrom | 7:59 PM ET | 01-11-2008

Hmm...escape advice: You and Laurie could have a potluck where your friends bring all the food, music and whatever else AND they clean up after... No one will be allowed to mention the big "C" all night. Go over photo albums, home movies. Tell stories from the years of your friendship. You pick the soundtrack and sit back in your favorite chair and bask in the glow of all the love in the room....and THEN go to Hawaii!!

Sent by NancyGM | 8:38 PM ET | 01-11-2008

Dear Leroy,
Once again you have captured exactly how I feel when I am stressed. Thanks for reminding me of the rabbits. They'll bring a smile to my face the next time I feel like running away.

Sent by Laura | 8:50 PM ET | 01-11-2008

Hi Leroy,

I just found your blog two days ago and I'm just so moved. Right now, I'm going through quite a health crisis of my own and I just feel so identified with what's going in your life (my kidneys are failing from Lupus - an 11 year journey).

I think that mindful living has so far been the answer for me. Living in this exact moment and realizing that tomorrow hasn't happened and yesterday is over and the only thing I have that is real is right now. And sometimes right now fucking sucks - not eloquent but true.

I'm praying for you.

Sent by Lauren | 10:10 PM ET | 01-11-2008

Watching spongebob helps my head vacate for a while...try it!

Sent by Karyn | 10:42 PM ET | 01-11-2008

How funny you would write about this as I am catching up on your blog for the last few days--having just come back from a trip to NYC where I saw Spamelot (and earlier a Christmas where I gave my brother a stuffed version of the killer bunny with big pointy teeth!)

Leanring you are a Monty Python and the Holy Grail fan just makes me sadder that all this is in the context of such discouraging news about your battle with your cancer.

I have to say my first reaction to being diagnosed with cancer was "Run Away" too. And I know in your shoes I'd have that same reaction way more often than you seem to have it.

Unfortunately, it isn't always possible to "always look on the bright side...". Thinking of you even when you can't.

Sent by N.R. | 11:40 PM ET | 01-11-2008

Hey Leroy,

But then there's always: "I'm a lumberjack and I'm O.K." -- still makes me giggle....

Sent by Victoria Ferreira | 11:53 PM ET | 01-11-2008

Run away, cancer. Run away now.

Have you read "The Secret?" Very interesting book. Now would be an excellent time to read it. It's sort of amazing the way the Law of Attraction works.

Here's to attracting good news and more positive developments by changing your thoughts. I'll be thinking good thoughts for you, too.

Sent by Linnea | 4:58 AM ET | 01-12-2008

I second Al Cato's suggestion about taking a vacation from the blog. Wonderful tho it is, What a daily reminder and energy drain it must be everyday! WE could keep communicating with You anyway and you could tune in if and when you felt like it...
Think about it... and yourself, Leroy. Have a peaceful weekend! Blessings~
LSF

Sent by lsf | 5:42 AM ET | 01-12-2008

Today, husband and I would like to run away. Starting a new regime involving ertibux. I will tell y'all one thing that drives me CRAZY when researching cancer matters -- lingo! Much of the time, its about like reading a Russian novel. You have your generic, scientific name for a therapy or a drug, then you have one or more brand names. It is hard to keep it all straight. There is often a bit of a gulf between the sort of mushy, Hallmark card like presentations in the tasteful brochures produced by cancer orgs (and laying around in the oncology office) AND actual hardcore information in language you can keep straight. Being me, I'm always wanting the value of the real understanding (from the latter source) but am sometimes challenged to keep the terminology straight.

I think I want the Holmes on Homes guy from Discovery Channel or whatever to do a show on cancer. I want a more DYI, Yankee Workshop presentation. Or, Toolbelt Diva. The people who know the most are incapable of telling the story without the barrier of their professional language. "Expression." "Monclonal Antibody." I know they don't do it to distance (well, maybe a little) it's just that it's the way they are accustomed to speaking about it. ARGH!

Sent by Teri | 9:25 AM ET | 01-12-2008

Peace and love to you big guy ! Hope you find some solace this wkend...if even for only a moment.
love
liz zimmerman

Sent by liz Zimmerman | 10:13 AM ET | 01-12-2008

Maybe you can find the holy handgrenade of Antioch.

Seriously remember that as long as you keep fighting you may run out of time but you will never lose.

Sent by Crawford | 10:55 AM ET | 01-12-2008

Dear Leroy, I am writing this comment in this blog for the first time. I know you have been told hundred times of this, but I need to tell you myself that I am very grateful to you and your (now my) friends in this blog for your love and caring. I can feel it and consider myself very lucky that I came upon your blog around the time my father was disgnosed a cancer last August. I've been considering it a good sign. I have been reading your blog everyday since then and I went back to the first blog entry you posted February 2006 and finished reading all blog entries last week (July 2007 was the last). So what do you think I did yesterday to celebrate the occasion? I bought a Harry Potter series in my favoriate bookstore in NYC. I will let you know what I would think of this book, if worth my money, when I finish it (and I am going to read it very slowly. I mean it). I guess it's time for me to run away to this Harry Potter world thanks to you.

Sent by Michelle Chung | 11:57 AM ET | 01-12-2008

I vote with Al Cato: Go ! If you need to get the heck away from all the cancer-think then do it - GO !

It is okay, way more than okay , to want to leave the blog (cancer-think) for awhile or forever, whichever you need to do.

Blessings to you and to all, Nancy

Sent by Nancy Oliveri | 1:19 PM ET | 01-12-2008

Many thanks to Cathi for recommending "Beethoven's message to God" on the NPR site - it's beautiful.

I'm sorry things are not good for you right now, Leroy. While we can't "run away", we CAN take deep pauses. I'd like to share a portion of the 1947 poem by James Dillet Freeman that was taken to the moon by Colonel James B. Irwin on Apollo 15. I hope it helps just a bit.

Do you need Me? I am there.
You cannot see Me, yet I am the light you see by.
You cannot hear Me, yet I speak through your voice.
You cannot feel Me, yet I am the power at work in your hands.
I am at work, though you do not understand My ways.
I am at work, though you do not understand My works.
I am not strange visions. I am not mysteries.
Only in absolute stillness, beyond self, can you know Me as I am,
And then but as a feeling and a faith.
Yet I am here. Yet I hear. Yet I answer.
When you need Me, I am there.
Even if you deny Me, I am there.
Even when you feel most alone, I am there.
Even in your fears, I am there.
Even in your pain, I am there.
I am there when you pray and when you do not pray.
Though your faith in Me is unsure,
My faith in you never wavers,
Because I know you, because I love you
Beloved, I am there.

Sent by Dianne in Nevada | 4:54 PM ET | 01-12-2008

Leroy,
Just remember that my you writing down your personal thoughts, that is helping so many people who are battling their own cancers. I personally think that blogging is very beneficial. Just imagine the people who go through this crap by themselves. Yes, it's a terrible disease with so many proud and strong people fighting back. Continue to write down your thoughts as they are truly so helpful to others, including yourself.

Sent by Jane | 8:14 PM ET | 01-12-2008

I'm thinking of you, wish I could take some of the pain and fear away. You are not alone.

Sent by Cindy | 10:02 AM ET | 01-13-2008

I always thought part of what made "Run away!" so funny is that...they're sort of not wrong. Like, there are times when the best thing you can do actually IS to run away to the degree you can; to put as much distance between yourself and the enemy as possible.

It's kind of like in The Princess Bride, where Mandy Patinkin and Christopher Guest are standing there with their swords, and it seems like there's going to be this big battle, and then Guest just...runs off, and it's hilarious. Because...exactly!

Sometimes, running isn't wrong, so I'm in agreement with those who say: go to Hawaii if you feel strong enough; get whatever escape you can at home if you don't. You don't have to be going all-out in battle all the time. Grab the good time on the good days, and if that means hiding out, then hide out.

Sent by Linda | 12:00 PM ET | 01-13-2008

Leroy, I read your blog every day, but I only get to catch up on the replies on the weekends.

I know you can't physically 'run' away...but you can 'be' away. I give myself five minutes every morning to 'be' away, the ones in between the first alarm and the snooze buzzer reminding me that I can't give up yet, those minutes are all mine.

Once I get out of bed, my time belongs to other things--to radiation and to chemo nausea, to the dogs, to work, to fighting to stay awake through meetings, to carrying on and pushing through. But those five minutes between the first alarm and the snooze buzzer--they are my chance to run away by just 'being' away, where ever I can take myself to in my head.

I can't run from cancer...but in a weird symbiosis, neither can cancer run from what I and the docs are planning to do to it. We're both locked in the same gladiatrix cage, my body. And like you, when it finally takes me out, I hope someone can see that I beat the crap out of cancer in the process, that I gave cancer as tough a time as it gave me.

Thinking strong thoughts for both you and Laurie.

Sent by Pat Steer | 7:27 PM ET | 01-13-2008

Leroy,

You are right, we cannot run away from the cancer. What we can do is give ourselves a break from it now and then. I like to travel with my family, spend time with friends,sew, scrapbook and my newest hobby is beading. These are my escapes. We all need to do this, sick or not.

Sent by Betty Kern | 2:12 AM ET | 01-14-2008

Spamalot!!! Still laughing...and at the football call for taunting yesterday! Great analogy....hang in there with the pain and depression...know how very much you are loved!

Sent by Karen | 9:42 AM ET | 01-14-2008

Your comments made me think of a quote (source not recalled now, sorry!) to the effect that scars are like tatoos only better, because they tell stories. And of lines form one of Nathan Moore's songs, "I know one day I'll die. But not till I'm done living, and that could take the rest of my life." I always loved the title of a book by or about Elisabeth Kubler Ross: "To Live Until We Say Good-bye." Cancer or no cancer, that always seemed an excellent goal to me. I wish you much health, much time, and more and more and more of all you love the best. I with you a life and timeline that fit your heart's and body's wishes to perfection. I wish you time and space for everything, and for all time.

Sent by Sarah | 9:20 AM ET | 01-15-2008