I have an image in my head of a very large cat circling and pawing to make a space for his bed.

Meow.

Sent by Lori | 8:03 AM ET | 01-29-2008

Dear Leroy~ My Mom had that problem years ago with her lung desease. She could not stand to lie flat on her back. We found a nice, firm, Chaise Lounge and she loved it!. Learned just how to fix the pillows around her shoulders and head, and slept for years on it. Maybe it would work for you.
You probably can't stand a soft recliner or sitting for long periods, upright on the tail of your spine.

Sent by J C R | 8:19 AM ET | 01-29-2008

Leroy,
With all you have to deal with, you still find a way to make us smile. Thank you.

Sent by Linda Bongardino | 8:25 AM ET | 01-29-2008

Dear Leroy,
My husband is dealing with a similar problem, trying to find a comfortable place for himself. He moves around the house as if he's Goldilocks trying out each bed and couch to look for just the right fit. When he does find a place to rest, he doesn't move for fear of upsetting the apple cart and having to start the process all over again. As his caregiver, I must say it's very unnerving to watch his constant search for some peace. It is things like this that the outside world doesn't understand and it makes for a very stress-filled home. My heart goes out to you and Laurie.

Sent by Elaine | 8:43 AM ET | 01-29-2008

Glad to hear you making the commitment to buying a new chair. That shows a good attitude. I saw the best chair on TV last week, if I ever find out where it was made, I will pass it along.
As always, good luck Leroy and thanks for your continued sharing.

Sent by Brit | 9:01 AM ET | 01-29-2008

I will be sharing today's comment with friends who find it hard to understand that the wooden chair in my kitchen is my "Goldilocks" place for a comfortable sit! Recliners and deep, soft couches can be a very real pain.

Hope you find a comfy spot soon.

Peggy

Sent by Peggy | 9:05 AM ET | 01-29-2008

The right chair is so crucial in how we make it through the day and night. I'm 4 weeks post-op from my 4th lung cancer surgery.

I've spent every night and many a day in a wonderful recliner we bought for my mom 15 years ago. It is the kind that raises you up till you are almost standing. I've used it after all my surgeries and it is still my hidey hole in times of pain.

It is totally comfortable and reclines almost flat as well. The only problem is my feet hang over the end. Solved that by putting a pillow on the kitchen chair seat and set that at the end of the recliner foot rest. I highly recommend it.

They keep whittling away at my lungs to remove stage 1A adenocarcinoma tumors. The chances of it reoccurring after the first one was pretty low. Now that I've had two more, the chances of it reoccuring are pretty high. I have two lobes left - one on each side. I'm afraid to ask what happens when the next tumor shows up.

Good luck in your chair search, Leroy. All my best wishes to all your readers to find your own comfort spot.

Sent by Sara (MD) | 9:16 AM ET | 01-29-2008

Leroy, I have been thinking about your visit to the hospice. Art Buchwald wrote a funny book about his stay there. Surprisingly, he left the hospice and had some time at home. I read an article about hospices and how people don't use the facility till about 2 weeks before they die. I wonder if our son, Andrew, will go to one or if he will be able to stay at home. He doesn't have a companion like Laurie so my husband might go and stay with him. His last procedure in Oct. failed. He does not want to go through that again. At the moment he is working but I don't know how long that will last. Some thoughts for your 35 year-old son that I didn't think I would have. I hope you get some relief from your pain. What a drag every day - it really gets you down. Nice you have some humor in your blog. Good for you.

Sent by Maureen | 9:34 AM ET | 01-29-2008

I remember Celtic Larry Bird had back problems toward the end of his career. Perhaps... tall man + back problems + can't find comfy chair = call someone at nearest NBS franchise for advice on what type of chairs their sore-backed players use?

Remember the Monty Python skit? "And now... the SOFT PILLOW! Bwa ha ha ha! AND... the COMFY CHAIR! No one expects the Spanish Inquisition!"

Sent by Yak | 9:45 AM ET | 01-29-2008

Leroy, you bring back memories of Neil wandering the house trying to find a quiet, comfortable place to be. Every two hours, he would move. I would wake in the middle of the night and he would be gone. I made him promise to wake me when he left our bed so we could make the choice of me following him. Which I did most nights. Between his hot flashes and mine, lol, sometimes it was unbearable. But we did not want it any other way! I hope and pray you can find your "comfortable" spot too...Thank you for finding my memories today.. You (and all my blogger family) are in my prayers as always!

Sent by Laurie Hirth | 9:52 AM ET | 01-29-2008

Good Morning, Leroy. After my spine surgery for mets, I wandered the house in search of "the right spot" At first it was my bed with lots of pillows. Then suddenly that became uncomfortable (read that as damn painful) and I settled into my recliner WITH pillows in all the needed places. Then somebody was moving and getting rid of a double motorized bed with a remote control. They offered it to me and I initially said no. My cousin jumped in and said are you crazy!! Take it. This bed does everything but talk to you. I can position it any way I need. It has been a big help. It's worth looking into, Leroy. The only glitch is the first nite I rolled over on the remote and set the vibrator (yes, it even vibrates) off and thought we were having an earth quake. I laughed so hard my back hurt the rest of the nite.

Blessings, Kate

Sent by Kate Fuehrer | 10:06 AM ET | 01-29-2008

Leroy, I read yesterday's and today's post just now ... wow, talk about care & comfort. Keep hoping that code for six may be considerably longer and the "perfect" chair will manifest itself in short order.

Sent by Pat Z | 10:09 AM ET | 01-29-2008

Leroy:
You might think about talking to someone from home health- specifically a physical/occupational therapist. If they are from hospice all the better...their specialty is making people comfortable...whether it is positioning, walking, sitting, etc...
Sandra Yudilevich

Sent by Sandra Yudilevich | 10:12 AM ET | 01-29-2008

Good morning Leroy,
My husband had back problems for years. He broke it when he was in the Navy during the Korean war (excuse me, Police Action). Over the years he had problems finding a comfortable spot. In later years his Lazy Boy Recliners were his refuge. He often slept in them instead of in bed.
I hope you find a chair that fits you just right so you can enjoy some comfort.
Are you reading any good books these days? I hope so!
Charlotte

Sent by Charlotte Kewish | 10:18 AM ET | 01-29-2008

Leroy,
My husband is 6'4", and developed back pain because he couldn't find a comfortable chair. He went to every furniture store in the DC area and sat in more recliners than I thought existed
but none was "just right". Then he went online and discovered the Comfort King made by Lane. The only place that has it in the area is Penneys. It is the biggest chair I have ever seen, but finally my husband has one that fits! We highly recommend it!
Leroy.. I was diagnosed with Brain cancer in Oct. 2001 and was given a 6 month prognosis, and I'm still here. Miracles do happen!

h

Sent by Martha (Fairfax,VA) | 10:23 AM ET | 01-29-2008

Dear Leroy,

Comfort is not always easy to obtain. Although I do not have cancer, I do have chronic pain. My knees at times would like to disown me. Even lying on my side is not always comfortable. Pillows between the legs, rolling from side-to-side, moving the pillows for comfort. Good grief some times my bed is trashed.

Keep trying, chair, bed, chair, bed. I hope you win this battle for comfort.

Sent by Sue Chap | 10:35 AM ET | 01-29-2008

Have you tried a foam mattress? Not just a foam pad on top, but a bed without springs at all? It has done wonders for my back. I feel like I'm sleeping on a soft but firm cloud.
Good luck and all the best to you and Laurie.

Sent by KJF in the Midwest | 10:36 AM ET | 01-29-2008

Leroy, Funny you should write about comfort and chairs. I am going through the exact thing right now. After I came home from the hospital my Lazy Boy recliner (I searched for this chair forever before I had surgery knowing I would be sitting for a long time during recovery) felt wonderful. Then as time went on I coulnd't stand sitting in it. My tailbone and back was killing me. I fought with Lazy Boy, sill am, to replace the cushion which wore out terribly after one year. My point being, that during my search I saw a Lazy Boy recliner that was very, very comfortable and HUGE. The Big man's recliner. It was obviously too big for me but you may want to check it out. Wonderful chair. I'm with you on the definition of Hospice. She never should have said that to you. You're right, noone knows how much time anyone has left. Good luck in your search for comfort.

Sent by Ruth White | 11:01 AM ET | 01-29-2008

Leroy, I met my first hospice nurse in 2004. I have outlived her. Over the past 4 years I've been in and out of hospice a couple times. I entered again in July, 2007.

For me, being a hospice patient means never having to run to the ER. It means I will not linger in ICU for months. It means no one is sticking feeding tubes and ventilators into me. It means that I have instant response to painful attacks in the middle of the night. It means I have my personal liaison to my doctor and no longer have to wait for a nurse to get back to me.

You may even find she has some great suggestions about recliners and pillows.

My "6 months" are up, and I am still getting weekly visits, with no expiration date stamped on my forehead. In the face of living with these cancer cells, not fighting them w/ more chemicals or hormonal tests, I would be all alone on this journey. Now my hospice team is helping me all the way, and easing the journey considerably.

Sent by paula kent | 11:18 AM ET | 01-29-2008

Leroy,
Have you asked your docs whether a TENS unit might help obviate your pain?

Sent by Sarah (in VA) | 11:31 AM ET | 01-29-2008

Dear Leroy,

Good luck with finding a comfortable recliner. Maybe a little extra pain meds would help too. Be well dear friend. Prayers to you and Laurie.

Sent by Sasha | 11:52 AM ET | 01-29-2008

You are a big guy like my husband. He is so happy in his Stickley recliner. It's on a bigger scale than many other recliners and it not too squishy. Maybe that would work for you.

Sent by Keri | 11:58 AM ET | 01-29-2008

I second Sandra's comment about using an occupational therapist. I think its a field that sometimes gets overlooked because people (including physicians) think, "work-related". Years ago, I received some very good help from an OT with a severe back and arm pain problem that made it very hard for me to lie down or sit. I was finally able to sleep. Hope you can find some rest, Leroy. Thinking of you.

Sent by JerrynDC | 12:49 PM ET | 01-29-2008

My BIL had the same issue. He bought a really nice leather recliner that lifts you up to a standing position. He loved that chair and loved that his wife would finally let him buy a recliner. She loved that it was leather and sleek and didn't look like a leftover from previous decades.

Sent by Nichole | 12:54 PM ET | 01-29-2008

Hi Leroy,
Or should I say "Goldilocks?" :-) I wish for you chairs everywhere that feel "just right." Thank you for showing up everyday on your blog and letting us know how you're doing. How you are feeling, what's happening in your life. You have helped me to live 2 days longer than I thought I would; because coming here, is giving me some space to grieve, breathe, an island to land on, while I'm feeling so much despair. I've not committed suicide, though it's been an intense struggle the past few days, and you are part of what has been helping me through. Thank you. (Just so you know, I do have a therapist, and I do let her know what is going on. The suicidal feelings are there, but I'm not acting on them, just trying to hold on until this eases a bit. Have you ever felt this way?) Today's "This I Believe" essay on kindness (npr, again) has bolstered my spirits too. As has the kindness of a friend who drove me to my MRI scan this morning.
So there is a lot of caring and kindness out here in the world. I don't always feel as if there is any light at all, when things get this dark. But there is light, even when it seems absent. Thank you for your light here on your blog everyday. I also wish for you less pain, and much more comfort.
Take good care,
Kim

Sent by Kim B. | 12:59 PM ET | 01-29-2008

It may be that you can't do this depending on wounds, but I find myself wondering if a hot tub or some kind of warm bubbling bath would be an aid.

My husband, too, is perpetually uncomfortable due to cancer surgeries, chemo and pre-existing backpain He has customized his recliner with a broad array of heating pads, pillows, neck pillow and what not just like a nest. I keep thinking he needs the chair equivalent of a Tempurpedic or similar -- some cloud-like chair with warmth. If you find one, let me know! And hope you find a sweet spot...

Sent by Teri | 1:11 PM ET | 01-29-2008

This is the exactly same feeling with the one after my surgeries. I am so glad to find your blog to share the thought, the feeling, the experience that are expirenced by most cancer pateints.

Sent by Da Sun | 2:54 PM ET | 01-29-2008

Leroy, On the day my husband was diagnosed with stomach cancer, we were driving back from our first visit to the doctor and you were on the radio. It is a day and radio program I will never forget. Since then I read your column frequently and have watched my husband go through the an operation and chemotherapy. I have seen the will to live outweigh (sometimes barely)the agony of the treatment.
Now to the chair.. have you considered a zero gravity chair.I bought one from Relax the Back for my husband and it is his most comfortable chair in the house. Wishing you comfort and recovery.

Sent by Helen | 3:59 PM ET | 01-29-2008

Gosh I have the same thing when I sleep. I can't lay on either side because of enlarged lymph nodes, spleen and liver. I can only lie on my back, otherwise it's quite painful.

I know a little bit of what you are going through.

Hope you find your 'comfort' spot.

Sent by Scott S. | 4:45 PM ET | 01-29-2008

Leroy, Today was my day to get scan results, not so good, we have growth. Not a lot, but growth none the less. So we need to change what we are doing, and the choices narrow. One is very dangerous, others not so effective. Why are all the really important decisions so difficult? Hope you find a comfortable location, soon!!

Best regards, Stan

Sent by Stan Wozniak | 7:38 PM ET | 01-29-2008

I had a couple of back surgeries; four and three years ago respectively. I have since bought two fairly upright adjustable office chairs from Staples. I avoid recliners and low sitting sofas and cushy chairs like the plague. My back is fine, but the neuropathy in my feet (originating from nerve damage) is here to stay. I can identify with diabetics (same symptoms, different cause). I have followed your blog for quite some time now. I have a best friend who is now on hospice into her fourth year of pancreatic, liver, and spleen cancer. Your experiences are helping me understand hers better. I feel so helpless.

Sent by Jude Walker | 8:55 PM ET | 01-29-2008

Dear Leroy,

This is my first post though I have been following your journey for a while. Thank you for including me!

Your post today made me think about my mom and her endless and exhausting search for the "perfect spot" to rest while taking her chemo. It seems that her archnemesis, my dad's dog, Sam, is in search of the same thing, as most dogs are known to do. Sometimes I catch him curling up in my mom's "perfect spot" after she has gotten up and moved on to find another. I know that she would flip out if she found this out but I think that secretly he just wants to be near her in some way so I will keep his secret. Good luck finding your "perfect spot"!!!

Sent by Sara | 9:33 PM ET | 01-29-2008

I understand the search for comfort. My daily struggle is with severe sleep apnea and finding the right bed, the right cpap, the right mask, the right pressure, the right therapist and the right doctor. I have struggled with this for 4 years now. My favorite, most comfortable place to sleep is the sofa. I curl up there every night about 8, slip the mask on about 9 and drift off into a peaceful sleep that cannot found anywhere else.
Find your spot, Leroy, and enjoy every comfortable moment. Who cares what anyone thinks.

Sent by Linnea | 6:27 AM ET | 01-30-2008

I recently had the lower left part of my lung removed. My doctor arranged for me to have a hospital bed in my home to help ease the situation. After two or three weeks I graduated to a wedge pillow and my regular bed.

Sent by Terry | 7:15 AM ET | 01-30-2008

We have been reading your story since the very beginning. Your personal stories and feelings helped by husband immensly. Now I am sad to tell you that another warror has passed away. My husband of 31yrs, Millard "Bud" Graffius passed away Wed. Jan 30th from prostate cancer. Please,to all you men and your partners, get your PSA checked. If you have a family history, start getting is checked early. Leroy, no one knows how long we have. Hopice can be stopped and started, and renewed after 6 months. If you don't think your'e ready for hospice, use palliative care first.Peace,

Sent by Linda G | 10:30 PM ET | 01-31-2008