Dear Leroy and friends,

What would you think if I sang out of tune?
Would you stand up and walk out on me?
Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song,
And I'll try not to sing out of key.

I get by with a little help from my friends,
I get high with a little help from my friends,
Going to try with a little help from my friends.
...
Do you need anybody?
I need somebody to love.
Could it be anybody?
I want somebody to love.

Enough said. Hang in there. You are not alone!

Sent by Liz L. | 7:53 AM ET | 03-13-2008

Hi Leroy,

You are absolutely not alone in this - we are all here for you, in heart and mind.I know that this had been terribly difficult and discouraging, but you are wrong- when u have cancer and are in the fight of your life - it is all about you and there is nothing wrong with that. However, you give back to us with your honesty and courage and that helps us all.

Lianne

Sent by Lianne Friedman | 8:09 AM ET | 03-13-2008

Sometimes I feel so helpless... wanting desperately to do more for those I care about who are facing the same as you Leroy and of course wanting to do more for YOU as well..

to be able to do something more "tangible"... and yet all I can do is ask "how are you doing" and to lend what little moral support I can....

Sometimes I lose sight of the fact that the moral support is valuable and does make a difference....

But I still can't help but wanting to do so much more........

Sent by Ron Bye (NH) | 8:12 AM ET | 03-13-2008

"How are you?"...Well, we DO have to tailor the answer sometimes, don't we? No one who hasn't been through the course totally understands what cancer, and its treatments, are like...the very stark pain of surgery, the unbelievable and enervating fatique of chemo, the all too vivid look in the face of mortality.

They care, so they ask. We care, so we say "I'm OK".

Peggy

Sent by Peggy | 8:19 AM ET | 03-13-2008

Right now is the time you need everyone in your little corner of the world to hang tight with you. I wake up to you every morning and miss you on the week-end! Count me in the "hanging tight" comaraderie.

Sent by Susan | 8:22 AM ET | 03-13-2008

We know the struggles; we know the ups and downs; we know the fears (both spoken and unspoken) SO here each day and every day, you are among friends who do really care about how you are doing. We know that we can only do so much with our words to help but always know that what is expressed is genuine and heartfelt. We are not fair-weather friends because we have seen "the beast" and we know "the beast" called cancer. Your words do lift us even when the message is not always upbeat. We hope, likewise, that our messages of encouragement and hope do lift your spirits.

We are like you. Just hanging in with a little help from our friends.

Blessings and prayers as always. The little light of HOPE continues to burn.

Sent by Al Cato | 8:28 AM ET | 03-13-2008

Good Morning Leroy and Laurie~ It sounds like the start of a good day. By the tone of your message it would appear that we are all in tune.
Isn't it great how we, (who follow you daily and listen to your ideas), seem to get different vibes from what you are saying? I have found this to be a very delicate task, this emailing and sharing thoughts. They often come out and are interpeted so differently than we intended. However one thing is for sure - we have all grown close with our understanding of each other, thanks to your sharing your experiences with us all. The feelings we share are genuine. I like to belileve that we are better people because of this.
Looks like a beautiful day!

Sent by J C R | 8:31 AM ET | 03-13-2008

Oh Leroy, I wonder do you really "get" how much a part of us you really are. YES, we really, really care. AND we want nothing only the truth about how you feel. Do tell the whole story if you want.
We are all in it together, and we will all help each other.
Prayers, Love and May The Grace of God Be With You.
Wanda Amorose

Sent by Wanda Amorose | 8:31 AM ET | 03-13-2008

We are all here for each other....always!!!!

Keep your head up my friend! :)

Sent by Cristina Gonzalez, Tampa, Florida | 8:31 AM ET | 03-13-2008

We love you, Leroy. Prayers for you and Laurie. Take care.

Sent by Jen | 8:35 AM ET | 03-13-2008

we are here for you but you keep us going. Keep going. Thank you.
Linda

Sent by Linda | 8:40 AM ET | 03-13-2008

I like to think about how "what happens to one of us happens to all of us" is true in the good sense too. So as I struggle with cancer treatment (or, for me, the disabling aftereffects of treatment are my big struggle right now), people are falling in love, having babies, travelling to new places which widen their perception of the world, out in nature--maybe the winter woods or the seashore-- sensing the permanence and change in that world which surrounds us all, celebrating an accomplishment with their family and loved ones, etc. It's easy to forget about all the ways life can be sweet and good when it gets hard and it's also unfortunately even easy to resent those who have it sweet and good. But in some way, those sweet moments are connected to us all, even those of us who aren't experienceing them right now too. They are the joy of being human and being on this earth and what makes the other stuff worth it.

Anyway, there's a lot of people right here in this with you. Good times and bad times.

Sent by N.R. | 8:42 AM ET | 03-13-2008

Dear Leroy,
Thank you for the great advice. You're right. No one wants or needs the whole story. No one really gets the situation anyway. There are not enough words in the English language to describe the day to day stress, uncertainty, challenges, exhaustion. I'd go on but as I said, there are no more words. As a caretaker/spouse, I find that people care and most are satisfied with the short answer, "Hanging in". Actually, I prefer those people to the ones who ask a million questions. Either way, life is not easy these days.

Sent by Elaine | 8:43 AM ET | 03-13-2008

I've lied about how I felt. I've done it to help my family feel better. To let them off the hook when they had to keep living their lives and to (hopefully) not worry so much about mine. I've even lied to my doctors. I think it is something we all do as we battle with cancer, or anything that is a major challenge in our lives. It's part of what we do to help those around us. I am not sure it is the smartest thing to do, but at times it is the right thing to do.

Sent by Brit | 8:48 AM ET | 03-13-2008

Okay all, on the count of one...two...three... lift!

Sent by Sheara | 8:50 AM ET | 03-13-2008

We do tend to become self-absorbed whether we are sick or not, don't we? I walked out the door this morning and, I'll be darned, there was a crocus poking above the snow and ice. Purple...a sign. I've dedicated it to you Leroy!

Sent by Sue in Rochester | 9:15 AM ET | 03-13-2008

Leroy and Laurie,

Like Sue said, I also found a crocus last night poking up through the slush and wet leaves. Such a sign of new life, beauty and joy among the winter cold and darkness. Reminds me of your great spirit, Leroy.

And Sue, I'm a native Rochesterian - what a miracle to find a crocus sprouting this time of year - I'm sure the lilacs can't bloom soon enough for all of you.

Be well,

Sent by Amy in NJ | 9:57 AM ET | 03-13-2008

Always here to help in NYC!

Sent by Elizabeth from Brookyln | 10:20 AM ET | 03-13-2008

I just learned this week that my dearest friend's only daughter will have her first cancer surgery in a few weeks. Their whole family was/is devastated. I immediately reached out to her with my version of support and love. It is something that I would never had thought of to do, before getting to know you through this blog.

So, I have one more thing to thank you for - teaching all of us how to reach out and tell those you love that you care.

It is in that common thread of communication that we can tell those living in cancer world that you're not alone, and it's ok with us if it's "all about you". Right now it is.

Sent by kathleen | 10:24 AM ET | 03-13-2008

we all love you leroy... i may not comment every day, or even most days, but i check in on you every day even though we've never met, because i feel i have a connection to you and i hope that my prayers and good wishes somehow help you, even if you never hear them.
i continue to pray for you and hope you continue to win your battle.

rm

Sent by roni | 10:33 AM ET | 03-13-2008

yes, its possible that all our energies focused on you with prayer or healing can hold you up when you may not be able to do it for yourself.

(______Leroy_____)

Sent by Jenn | 10:44 AM ET | 03-13-2008

Leroy, thanks for being honest with us, because this is one of the circles where truth is welcomed and honored. I've been thinking about your working to manage pain issues and wanted to ask: have you consulted your hospice nurses about this? They are the most masterful pain control gurus I know and can explain from experience what effect a med may have on mental accuity, and other questions. Invoke them if you need them and soldier on with OTC if that's working well for you. I am holding you in quiet and steadfast care, along with Laurie and the blog community.

Sent by Sarah | 10:55 AM ET | 03-13-2008

Leroy and Laurie, sending prayers of strength to both of you.
Lou Ann

Sent by :pi Ann Caywood | 10:57 AM ET | 03-13-2008

Dear Leroy, Liz said what I was thinking - you get by with a little help from your friends; you have your personal family and friends and you have your cyberspace friends caring and looking to you to let you know how we wish that we could do more to help you. Take care - love to Laurie and love to you - G-d bless you.

Sent by Janice Goldberg White | 10:59 AM ET | 03-13-2008

Leroy,

I don't think there is anyone on this blog who would want you to pull punches or try to shield us from your truth, providing it would help you to tell. That is the whole value of your blog. Here we can come for the real story.

Sent by Diana Kitch | 11:12 AM ET | 03-13-2008

Leroy,
I have always told you that what happens to one happens to all and I still believe it. This is why we cry for you, and Elizabeth Edwards and Lance Armstrong, Robin Roberts . We may never meet any of you, but we know that gut reaction to bad news...we feel it for you. Yesterday I visited with 3 people that are in the support group that I formed. All were in the hospital for various reasons due to their cancers. I left the visits feeling the very same way we are talking about today. Because...what happens to one of us.....
Peace,
Liz Zimmerman

Sent by liz Zimmerman | 11:13 AM ET | 03-13-2008

Dear Leroy/All,
Short and sweet ! No details necessary. I am still praying for all of us to get get the strength and energy to endure this. Prayers to all.

Sent by Sasha | 11:22 AM ET | 03-13-2008

leroy I've only written you one other time, but thought and prayed for you often, as I am now. Thank you for all your sharing and strength and hope. My husband goes in for yet another surgery tomorrow to remove some of the tumors in his bladder (colon mets.) And guess what - it is all about you!- as it is with him, because I don't have cancer.That ugly old "c" word-That we wish would have been crazy or cold or anything else.Welcome home and hang in there.- Think of Hawaii- blessings to all

Sent by miriam willan | 11:23 AM ET | 03-13-2008

Hi Leroy,
You haven't heard from me for a while, my Fred passed away Jan 24, the "Monster" didn't get him, it was in remmission, he went into conjested heart failure after being hospitalized for 4 days. I don't know whay to do, I am so devestated, thinking we beat the cancer for now, then this happens! Please don't overlook any other symptoms you may have with your body doing things it hasn't done before. You are a fighter, just like my Fred, but we can only fight what we know about. God Bless You and Laurie!

Sent by Joyce | 11:43 AM ET | 03-13-2008

Dear Leroy,

No wise words or witty quips today. Your friends are here and want it to be about you. You are that important to us.

Keep fighting the good fight.

Mo

Sent by Mo Spikes | 11:45 AM ET | 03-13-2008

So very sorry to hear your sad news Joyce. My heart goes out to you. See, it seems to be the things we don't worry about that become the "monster" that gets us and not always the fears we know and worry about.
May you find strength and peace dear friend.

Sent by J C R | 12:22 PM ET | 03-13-2008

Dear Leroy,

Keep right on hanging in and hanging on. You're always in my thoughts and prayers.

Sent by Connie | 12:24 PM ET | 03-13-2008

Hi Leroy,
Yes, there are a lot of us who think often about you and the other people facing cancer.

Joyce, so sorry to hear of your loss.

LindaK

Sent by LindaK | 12:54 PM ET | 03-13-2008

It's funny, but before Terry died I never gave a second thought what to say when someone would ask how I was. Now, I have to step back, think about who's asking and what they know, how they fit in to my life now, and whether they *really* want to know or if they're just being polite.

To some people, I just say I'm OK. To others, I can say things like:

I'm scared.

I'm worried about the future.

I don't know how to live on my own.

I have no aim, I feel purposeless most of the time.

I don't know what to do.

I guess the art in all of this is figuring out who wants to know and why.

Sent by Bruce | 12:55 PM ET | 03-13-2008

LeRoy,
You have been an inspiration to all of us blog readers, and we appreciate your willingness to share. But please know that you don't always have to be cheerful or strong or brave and you don't have to sugar-coat anything for us--not ever!

Sent by Suzanne | 12:58 PM ET | 03-13-2008

I am always here (Michigan) thinking of you and pulling for you. I remember at times we felt so alone - but one phone call or one email and we knew that others were sharing our journey with us. You have many people who are with you on your journey now and praying for you!!!!

Sent by Deb from Michigan | 12:59 PM ET | 03-13-2008

It's is odd that the simplest questions asked by friends and strangers alike can be the ones that really hit the hardest? Such as "How are you?". A simple question, but when every day is a struggle it can be really difficult to come up with an answer.

Twenty years ago, a dear friend whom I'd know since I was 7 years old lost her only child in a car accident. She did me the honor of asking what I thought she should say when asked by new friends or strangers in casual conversation if she had any children. That had to be the toughest discussion with anyone I've ever had. So, some questions asked of us are the hardest of all.

Also, remember, that your nearest and dearest won't have to ask you how you are. They already know.

Sending the healthiest thoughts your way!

Sent by Tina Lewis | 1:26 PM ET | 03-13-2008

Joyce: So sorry about Fred. It's almost a double whammy to have him go of something else after such a long fight with cancer. My thoughts are with you as you step out into that "alone" world.

Bruce: I know that purposeless feeling. Sometimes it's hard to turn your brain back on to everyday things when you spent so much time in a foced fight. I have to get it together soon with taxes coming up and the beginning of Spring and farming. I just hope that Burge someway knows that we are trying and how great his son is doing. I'm sure you feel the same about Terry. Someday I wonder if I will every know that elated feeling I used to get when starting a new project. Most of the time I'm just "tired".

Leroy: Since so many of us know more truth than we want to know, it's OK with me if you don't give details. Glad today is going better.

Nikki

Sent by Nikki | 1:36 PM ET | 03-13-2008

Just hanging in there is special these days. I hear ya. Glad to hear about the good days but also the not-so-good ones because they keep me humble. For those of us who in our own way are going through a personal struggle, Leroy, you are our hero. You help me in ways that are hard to express in words. I hear what you are going through. I read the old blog postings during my 7 hour medication infusions and they give me strength. Know that your painful experiences have given many, many people HOPE. Something that is in short supply these days. Thank you for being you and thank you, Laurie for sharing your life with us.

Sent by Karla Schell | 1:42 PM ET | 03-13-2008

Our gift is in the giving. We give you and Laurie our prayers, our thoughts, our verbal encouragement. Your gift is the impact you have on us all, Leroy. I don't think we fully realize the effect as yet, but what I do know is, it is powerful, very powerful.

Sent by Sharon | 2:38 PM ET | 03-13-2008

Leroy, It is so nice to know you have a place to go where everyone understands. This is that place. So glad you are doing better, even if it is not all the way back. You have a good weekend, see you Monday. Stan

Sent by Stan Wozniak | 3:26 PM ET | 03-13-2008

Dear Leroy,

I came across your blog and was immediately taken in. I feel like a voyeur especially since I have been actually going into the archives and reading those (I'm up to August 07).

So I'm coming clean ... you said it best "I haven't told the complete story. Not everyone really wants to hear that. Not everyone can handle the whole story."

My story is that I didn't know there was such support out there ... I wish I could turn back all the clocks and do this over. How many times have you heard that?

My husband was diagnosed with Malignant Melanoma in August of 2005, metastasized to his spine and brain. He passed away in January 2007. My Mother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, metastasized to the stomach, liver, and lung. She passed away November 2007. Both came home with me (with hospice) and passed away surrounded by love and family.

From both these experiences I have so much regret. We are a quiet stoic people and kept it all to the "family". We went diligently to surgeries, chemo, and radiation. We were deer caught in the headlights, full of fear of the unknown. Family members full of conflict on what was the best course to take. We did not know how to cope with the situations that presented themselves.

What I love about you is your honesty and willingness to speak out about this "fight". You bring forth all the emotions, questions, and fear that we all face.

You make it okay to not have such a great day every day.

Thank you for that.

Ann Roen

Sent by Ann Roen | 3:27 PM ET | 03-13-2008

Thank you Leroy, I learn so much from your blog. Whether it's a "Yup, I've been there and Leroy is going through the same, I'm not alone" or "Hmm, I might have to go through that some day, if Leroy can handle it I guess I can too" or "I wish I could tell people how I feel the way Leroy can." Today you answered one of my questions and I will call two of my friends who are fighting cancer and just ask, "How are you?" You are a fighter and an inspiration, thank you for telling us how you are because we do care.

Sent by Walt from LA | 4:15 PM ET | 03-13-2008

Leroy,
We may be some help to you, but you are also a great help to us. Thank you! We all love love you and continue to be united with you in our prayers, hopes and words.

Sent by Mary Beth Monterosso | 4:26 PM ET | 03-13-2008

Leroy,
i am a hospice nurse and an Oncology NP.
Please share with me what your pain management consists of. I believe that Hospice are the people who know pain. I am stunned by the amount of pain people are in.
joanne

Sent by joanne schlesinger | 6:16 PM ET | 03-13-2008

Dear Joyce,
So sorry to hear about your loss. How absolutely awful to have gotten into remission only to be felled by a heart attack. I wish you much strength and eventual peace. Thank you for taking the time to write in and thanks also to Bruce and Nikki. I look forward to your posts to see how life goes on after a spouse dies.

Sent by Elaine | 6:20 PM ET | 03-13-2008

Hey Leroy...aren't we all hanging in with a little help.
As I sat through 6 hours of chemo today, I felt, really felt how fortunate I was to be with this doctor, who is a doctor of excellence and a most caring human being. She is part of my helping network.

Sent by Linda | 7:06 PM ET | 03-13-2008

This blog has almost become TVs "Cheers". we have pretty much the same visitors who are coming from different worlds but instead of a "bar" being our common ground...cancer is. It is good to be able to come to a place and hear truth..and not be afraid someone will be offended. We all relate...and we all share a common bond. One not asked for, but nonetheless, we truly do get by with a little help from friends--via phone, email and in person! We are blessed to have Leroy as the owner of this here bar..I mean blog!
Today I (2 time cancer person) got the all clear on last Friday's MRI...good to go for another 4 months. Then the ?? process starts all over again. Once again I say, any day above ground is a good day :-) Bless ya'll

Sent by Jo Ann Baswell-Margate, FL | 7:12 PM ET | 03-13-2008

I have been following your blog on & off for about 2 years. I usually check in on how you're doing and read daily for a week or two, and then go on to other things for a while. Then I'll realize I haven't checked you blog for a month or two. I get worried, and then am relieved to find that you are still there, mentally and spiritually sound. I've become so endeared to you, and you don't even know I exist! Today I feel the need to come clean and let you know how much you have shared with me, and how grateful I am. I sometimes am sitting out at the edge, saying, :"Poor guy. I'm glad I don't have to deal with what he has to. Lucky I don't have cancer." But then sometimes you hit me from behind, like when you said your were surprised that you were using your disabled placard. Omigosh - what a wuss I am, using my card regularly at the age of 58!! I have chronic back pain, after a (elective) surgery for a synovial cyst that resulted in a spinal fluid leak that was not detected for 7 weeks. You reminded me today that "we are all in this together", and I now realize this is true, and because of your devotion to sharing your life with all of us out here, I am in it with you. Thank you, with all my heart.

Sent by Sara Chan | 7:23 PM ET | 03-13-2008

Leroy,

Hello. Thanks for your post. A little help from your friends, what to say when and to whom. ?? It's always (anymore it seems) hard, and what really hurts (me anyway) is when someone with whom you could talk with openly and honestly, becomes just the opposite. (This is happening to me at the moment.) My spirit is shattered. So very sad.... it's making me psychically and physically ill. But, if you can keep finding a way to get through your difficult days, and still post here, honestly, with your "blog people", then perhaps I can find a way to get through a time of enormous loss of a previously (deep as a mighty river)trusted person, to whom I could have (in the past), talked freely and as openly as I am able, about really difficult issues/topics.

You hold someone out here in cyberland up as well, Leroy.

Thank you and take care,

Kim

Sent by Kim | 7:30 PM ET | 03-13-2008

Hi Leroy,

I'm not telling the whole story either. I have found two people in my life who "get" this. That I'm neither dying nor cured and there will be ups and downs. Those two people are very precious to me.

To Linda: Oh my gosh, what an awesome attitude you have! You make me want to go out and get a tattoo! (and not the kind I got in radiation either :->)

To Joyce: My heart goes out to you. What awesome advice for us all to keep our eyes on the total picture and not just on cancer.

Sent by Karen D. | 7:33 PM ET | 03-13-2008

Leroy & Laurie,

Like Roni and so many others, I'm reading every day but only commenting some days. We may be silent at times but we care and keep you both in our thoughts and prayers.

And yes, we do care how you are feeling - okay isn't necessarily a bad thing.

Love and hugs from MN

Sent by Marie | 8:40 PM ET | 03-13-2008

Hello Leroy,
I am surprising myself actually writing this email, but one of my daughters told me about your blog and it is the only thing that I've found that resonates with me. I was diagnosed in Oct. '06 with a rare cancer of the sinuses and it has shifted its focus to my brain over the past 6 months. So I'm still learning to deal with the uncertainty. I will keep you in my prayers and thank you for taking the time out of your life to share with all of us, who read and identify with your blog.

cheers,
Mike

Sent by Mike Dillon | 8:46 PM ET | 03-13-2008

Warm thoughts are with you -- a friend told me Sunday how freaking annoying it was, after really awful radiation and two rounds of chemo, to have folks call every day and ask, "Well, are you feelin' better?" He says he's getting to a point where he wants to shriek, "I TOLD you! I told you 26 TIMES! They told me, and I told YOU, that I'm going to feel like ____ for the next three weeks!!!!!!"

Bless him, and bless you. Folks care so much, and are so well-meaning -- but don't understand that the daily "Don't you feel better?" call feels like pressure -- which, by the way, you all just don't need.

One thought -- you might not want to work so hard protecting those who you think cannot take the graphic reality -- to heck with 'em if they can't take reality (that's a joke -- am sure you are discerning) -- but you might give some iffy folks a chance. They might surprise you with dedication, strength and resiliance. Just saying.

Sent by Victoria Ferreira | 8:49 PM ET | 03-13-2008

Leroy, keep hanging in there. We are with you each step you take.
Joyce and Ann, My heart goes out to you both. I have been in the "alone" world (Nikki, good choice of words) since April 7, 2007 and I still have to remind myself that Leon is really NEVER coming through that door again. I thought I was doing better but, with spring coming, I'm finding myself missing him so much.
Nikki, I have to believe that Leon (and your Burge) DO KNOW.
Bruce, you spoke for so many of us--scared, worried, purposeless, and just "OK". I don't think I will ever be able to say "fine" again.
Jane

Sent by Jane from Arkansas | 9:24 PM ET | 03-13-2008

I think most people want the short answer, and as positive a spin as possible. Only your close friends and relatives and people who have personal experience with cancer are prepared to hear more.

The gift you have given me and so many others is the realization that we are not alone. That takes away a lot of the fear. One of my greatest dreads was to be seen as "other" -- someone who had crossed over an invisible line, been marked somehow by the approach of Death. You have shown us it's possible to deal with whatever comes with dignity, grace, and humor.I guess it's true that people with cancer can become self absorbed -- but at the same time, in this blog community, I've seen a lot of people try to set aside their own suffering and reach out to help or comfort others.

Sent by Doris | 9:32 PM ET | 03-13-2008

Joyce,

I'm so sorry for your loss. My uncle died of congestive heart failure about a month after being declared in remission from Lymphoma. It was such a cruel shock after a month of celebration. My heart is with you and your family.

Sent by Amy in NJ | 11:27 PM ET | 03-13-2008

You're absolutely not alone, Leroy. I know you don't know me from Eve, but I think about you and Laurie every day and keep you both in my prayers. We're all pulling for you.

Sent by Lisa Lindstrom | 12:10 AM ET | 03-14-2008

Leroy,
Your writing is so beautiful and simple and it is so wonderful that through this talent you can share so much. I held back too when I was going through treatment. I sometimes forgot that people cared and would get mad b/c I had nothing good to say a/b how I was feeling. I knew better, it was just how I felt at the time. Do not be afraid to share with us. We can handle it. This is your life you are fighting for and it is about you and all of the people who love you. What would be the point if it wasn't personal? You are on my mind and in my heart and prayers. Much love.

Sent by Jennifer in CA | 12:44 AM ET | 03-14-2008

Leroy, I know exactly what you mean when you say you are hanging in there. When my husband was so sick, we did not go into all of the details with everyone that called, they couldn't have handled some of the things he was feeling. Therefore, when he passed there were so many shocked people....but you do what you have to do. At the time it seemed the right thing.

Sent by Cindy | 5:30 AM ET | 03-14-2008

I may not always comment, but I am always praying for you. Take care.

Sent by Gyla | 10:35 AM ET | 03-18-2008