Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9

Sent by Karen | 8:28 AM ET | 04-03-2008

Leroy, I think you make a great point in terms of death. Do we have it in us to approach death the way you approach life? Since none of us have experiential, empirical knowledge of death that would give us the definitive word of what it's like, "being afraid won't help much." Whatever happens after death, we'll "deal with it", like billions before us, "or at least try to."

Sent by Leonard from Alabama | 8:52 AM ET | 04-03-2008

Leroy,
What an insightful post. So true, it's the dying part that is pretty scary. Clearly you are living in the present, which is exactly the thing you should do--even though it seems so difficult.
Your attitude is admirable. Keep it up!

Sent by Kathleen, NJ | 9:00 AM ET | 04-03-2008

Hi Leroy, your statement "But I think that (religion) has a lot to do with whether or not people fear death".
is an interesting thought, but I wonder whether it is accurate. I think fear of death is a behavioral trait for which there might be a genetic basis, that is to say it is the result of evolutionary processes. And it is a trait that seems to be inherent in most animal species - even in those to which we generally don't ascribe any kind of self-awareness. And all with good reason: a species would probably not be particularly successful if its members wouldn't care whether they lived or died. As for religion, as an atheist I can't comment much on what religious people feel like, but when my wife was dying from cancer I had contact with a few religious people who were also terminally ill and I didn't have the sense that their religion made them less afraid. But then again if your expectation is that there is some kind of afterlife, maybe you'd be more inclined to be fearful..

Sent by Michael K | 9:07 AM ET | 04-03-2008

Morning Leroy! I fear that you are focusing on the wrong stuff now and are thereby allowing this disease to have it's way with you. We all dwell on death, worry about it, what it will be like, etc, no matter what it is that is killing us.
Our young soldiers are dying over in a foreign country (that we attacked) at a horrible rate at this very moment. Are WE any different? You were in wars Leroy. How did you feel then about dying? Were you fearful then? Maybe it is the certainty of what cancer does that scares us so badly. And, to pull out the religious card when all else seems lost, does no good.
This is not the ole Leroy, the fighter, the brave heart speaking. Do not let this monster get to your wonderful brain and spirit! Love you Leroy and want you around.

Sent by J C R | 9:08 AM ET | 04-03-2008

Leroy, your words are so right on this morning. As I watch my husband go down this same path I have heard such similar words from him. I too have had to adopt similar feelings if for no other reason than to just survive. It can be so overwhelming. My heart goes out to you and Laurie and all the other people out there dealing with similar issues.

Leroy you have helped me deal with all of this by just being able to put into words what we all must feel inside whether the care giver or the person with the cancer.

Stay strong.

Sasha, I am concerned that I haven't seen you on here for a few days. I know you are struggling. Please if you can just drop a note.

Sent by dorothy in oregon | 9:14 AM ET | 04-03-2008

Dear Leroy,

I once heard a hospice worker say that it's all living, even one's last day. Bravo for continuing to truly live your life. I'm attaching a link to a wonderful poem by Wendell Berry titled "The Peace of Wild Things." I have found it comforting and hope you do, too.

Best of luck with the radiation.
Linda

http://www.gratefulness.org/poetry/peace_of_wild_things.htm

Sent by Linda | 9:20 AM ET | 04-03-2008

Thank you Leroy. I can't tell you how much I appreciate you touching on the tough subjects that you do. My husband and I were so hoping our son would talk about such things with us but he was not able to. The truth was too hard. And talking about Heaven and where this could all lead was not to be. So we just loved him harder.

Cancer met a tough one when it decided to invade you. Keep up the good work.

You are amazing.

God bless you Leroy.

Judy

Sent by Judy Voller | 9:20 AM ET | 04-03-2008

Oh Leroy, you'll have lots a feedback from the post today! You know, death should be the most wonderful journey we ever take (for those who believe in Heaven), but it's frightening to go on a journey that people don't take real often and then come back to tell us all about the experience!

Sent by Susan | 9:26 AM ET | 04-03-2008

I believe Woody said "I'm not afraid of dying, I just don't want to be around when it happens." Well, you are getting profound here, Leroy, and I for one like that fact. We are all going there, why deny it or dread it? I choose to believe in some kind of afterlife, where I will reunite with all my beloved friends and family who have gone before, where there will be beautiful mountains and beaches, where souls will find peace, where there will be yummy things to eat. It will be good! No one can tell me that's not true. And there is nothing wrong with thinking about death, and accepting it as such a vital part of life in this world. Good for you. Thank you for bringing it up.

Sent by Wendy | 9:30 AM ET | 04-03-2008

Leroy,
Fear and worry can consume us. I have esophogeal cancer and have felt many times that the fear and worry about what will happen has consumed my thoughts and has made things worse. You must have faith that all things will be well no matter what you are going through. This is not religion, this is faith. If you truly believe you will be healed and get through it than you you will. Replace these thoughts with your thoughts of fear and you will go on and feel much better. You must truly believe and it will happen to you. I have only learned and started to practice this recently. I have stage 4 but I will not let it get me down because I believe I can be a miracle and will be healed. You can too, you do so much good for people just believe and don't let bad thoughts crowd that out. Good thoughts, happy days ahead.

Sent by Chris | 9:46 AM ET | 04-03-2008

Leroy, I'm afraid that I disagree with JCR. I think that to speak of death is a brave thing. Putting it out there is letting the fear go. It allows you and those around you to speak openly- leaving no area of life forbidden.
It's real and it will happen to all of us. Our childhood fears of the monsters under our beds were a preparation for the monsters we would face in life. You show courage speaking about the uncertainty that we all must face. It gives us permission to speak the unspeakable words. Thanks again!

Sent by Deb | 9:51 AM ET | 04-03-2008

BRAVO, BIG GUY!! I couldn't agree more. Let cancer be VERY afraid!!
Fondly,
Anita

Sent by Anita Solomon | 9:53 AM ET | 04-03-2008

I like the way you're thinking, Leroy!

Sent by Steve | 10:04 AM ET | 04-03-2008

During contemplation of my uncertain cancer path I found guiding words for seems a wonderful destination on an ancestor's grave.

"Where the tree of life is blooming... meet me there."

Hold Fast

Sent by Don MacLeod | 10:07 AM ET | 04-03-2008

When I think about my own death, I hope of course that it will be a smooth crossing, without pain and distress. I think we all do. The part that comes right before death is truly the part that I worry about as well. I am training to be a hospice volunteer. I am actually afraid of what I will witness because it will add to my private repertoire of fears. But thinking about it does challenge what I really believe - the privacy of my own spiritual beliefs. I think that is why I am drawn to hospice. I feel like I have to know. I hope that you don't wind up paralyzed, whatever happens, Leroy. Every difficulty is a spiritual challeng but that is not one I would wish on you. Hugs,

Sent by Alycia Keating | 10:12 AM ET | 04-03-2008

When my sister learned that only palliative care was indicated, she told me she wasn't afraid of dying, only afraid of pain. As her primary caregiver, I told her that while I couldn't do anything about the dying, I could definitely ensure that her pain was controlled. And with the help of hospice, she was able to stay in her own home and be pain-free. As the first in our generation to die, she reassured us that she was just going first to lead the way on the journey we would all be taking eventually. She and I were able to talk frankly about her death, which led to an incredible intimacy between us. Our other two sisters found it much more difficult to discuss the subject and somehow that made it all much sadder for them.

I believe that everyone has their own path and, as caregivers, it's up to us to help them through the experience in whatever way is right for them. While it was a difficult period for me, it was also one of the most loving and intimate times of my life and, although it may sound odd, I cherish some of those memories.

You do all of us an important service, Leroy, by sharing your thoughts and prodding us to think about such things...

Love and prayers to you and Laurie.

Sent by Brenda | 10:14 AM ET | 04-03-2008

Leroy,

I'm with Michael K re:religion, although I am deeply respectful of those who feel differently.

We are alive until we are not. We are still the same people we have become. We are still becoming - right up to the last second.

I think you are wise to choose to be alive while you are. I also think you are lucky that you can. Many people emotional problems (anxiety disorder, for example) have more difficulty adopting this attitude.

I'm glad you are not afraid.

Blessings

Sent by Diana Kitch | 10:22 AM ET | 04-03-2008

Awesome post today, Leroy. I am watching the process that takes place as death moves in. I have always feared this time,not seeing my parents again. Mom died in 1999, dad will soon join her.

I am not happy with loosing my dad, I am scared. He brought me up the best he could, he was always my protector and knight in shining armor. He lived an extraordinary life, touched many people. He will be missed by all, he will be at peace soon.

Sent by Sue Chap | 10:23 AM ET | 04-03-2008

Leroy: You are pondering what many of us are. We have the opportunity of time and conditions to do this pondering now. Our faith comes in to play and either dissolves or is strengthened in this time. Choose to strengthen it and be ready for whatever comes. May the Lords grace shine on you.

Sent by Hal | 10:39 AM ET | 04-03-2008

Let us live life to the fullest, but make our preparations for the hereafter. Death is coming to all of us, and in this we have no choice. But we do have a choice of where we go once this life is over. Let us make sure we prepare for the heavenly one.

Sent by Teresa in WV | 10:43 AM ET | 04-03-2008

Dearest Leroy, You are the most wonderful person with the most wonderful attitude. You write about those things that really bother most of us and then you end it with humor. You are terrific and I know that G-d loves you and watches over you - he or she has to!!! You are one of the beautiful people!
My Dad also said that he was not afraid TO DIE - that is inevitable - he was rather concerned about DYING. He was fortunate - he went the way that he wished - just much much too young.
Leroy, you have to stick around for a long, long time and tell AND TEACH us how to go through this also - I do not care for you to suffer - like to think that this whole thing will STOP AND YOU WILL GO - WOW, WHAT HELL IT WAS! But, you are such a wonderful writer and teacher telling us about this horrendous disease. G-d bless you and you know that we all love you.

Jan

Sent by JANICE GOLDBERG WHITE | 10:51 AM ET | 04-03-2008

Leroy,
I have been reading your blog for some time now, but this is the first time I have written. I've been drawn to following your writing because somehow you are able to uniquely express what is not easily told-- that cancer's battle is not only against flesh and blood, but also against soul and mind and spirit. You continue to fight the good fight on all fronts. As a reader, I crave understanding of your journey. Human connection and compassion are never wasted. You are so intelligent and insightful. That you chose to share a glimpse of your faith does not negate that intelligence. Faith does not mean you have taken leave of both science and good sense. It certainly doesn't imply that you have conceded defeat in fearful dread. What it means, is that you are courageous enough and confident enough to listen to the lover of your soul. What it is, is the peace that surpasses understanding. Thank you for your insight into something I, too, consider intensely personal and much simpler when kept private. You are a fine man. Hang in there!

Sent by Lisa, Texas | 10:54 AM ET | 04-03-2008

You know, I think that's your best blog yet. You expressed my sentiments about the subject better than i could have.
I, too, like to shove old cancer back into a sealed box, now, and treat it with some benign neglect. It's as if "battling" and "beating" only give it attention. It's screaming for me to notice and get all fearful and worked up over it.
Of course, this is not to say I have no scan-xiety as I wait for my scan results next week. Also,it's not to say I don't read about and dread the idea of what may happen if mets go to the brain or spine or come through the skin.
I am human, and I am years into the shock of diagnosis, so I am able to be a tiny bit more removed.
However, I like to think of it as that annoying thing that likes to rear it's ugly head, time and again, trying real hard to totally freak me out. Trying to get a response out of me.
Well, eventually, it is highly likely this is gona get me within the next few years. Am I afraid of going to the other side or of being recycled or whatever it is that happens? No, I just don't want it to get real ugly, painful, drawn out and hard for those around me.
Thanks for bringing up the hard subject.

Sent by NancyGM | 11:04 AM ET | 04-03-2008

Wishing you all the best, Leroy! Wondering, too, how you distinguish dread from fear. Thank you for living your life and letting us share it.

Sent by anonymous | 11:17 AM ET | 04-03-2008

Leroy, you are right, religion is a strange thing. I belong to a liberal church, I don't believe in God or an afterlife. When I told my congregation about my cancer, many people came up to me and asked how I was doing. The Knitting group made me a healing shawl. When I told them I had been laid off from work, people gasped. These people have been a source of comfort and conciliation to me. That is my religion.

Sent by Dianne (DC) | 11:34 AM ET | 04-03-2008

I like the way you're thinking Leroy! When I was first diagnosed with breast cancer, I titled my journal "A Bump in the Road". I quickly changed it, per a comment from a woman on my staff, to "I Feel Sorry for the Cancer!" Let's not only NOT let it know you're scared, but I say kick it's arse!

Sent by Amy | 11:38 AM ET | 04-03-2008

Ah, now you've gotten down to the nitty gritty, Leroy -- what has been in the back of all our minds all these many months, I believe.There may be some people who can contemplate the approach of their own death with absolutely no fear or anxiety, but to me, some fear seems only human. Like you, I can deal with the idea of ceasing to exist, though I'm not particularly pleased at the prospect. It's the dying that scares me. Will there be terrible pain? A loss of control of my body? Will I become terrified, behave in a less than courageous way? I also feel some fear for my family. Sure, they'll be okay. But it will be hard on them, and more so if mine is a lingering death.As an agnostic, I have no idea if there is an afterlife, but it would be wonderful to believe I'd see my loved ones who have gone before.However, as someone else mentioned, I have been around some very religious people just before their deaths, and I believe their feelings were a lot like mine.Mostly, they didn't verbalize them, though. I think everyone is afraid to talk about it. Maybe superstitious? As if talking about something would make it true -- and avoiding the subject would keep Death at bay.Thank you for opening the subject here.I admire you so much and hope and pray you will have less pain and avoid the paralysis you clearly dread.

Sent by Doris | 12:05 PM ET | 04-03-2008

Dear Leroy/All,
Every thought is a prayer and I think of everyone of you beautiful people on a daily basis. Although I do not comment as often as I used to, I do read the blog every day. This has been my lifeline.

Leroy........I'm running out of words to describe you! All I can say is that I am so happy to have watched the discovery channel and got to know you. You are an amazing person. God bless us all.

Sent by Sasha | 12:12 PM ET | 04-03-2008

I feel the same way about death- no point getting too worked up about it as it is going to arrive when it does. Funny though, at 3 a.m. I couldn't sleep and the thought crossed my mind, "well, at least I know what I'm going to die from". Then immediately realized, no, I don't. Something else could intervene, I could go on for years with this cancer, slogging on with treatments. So there is comfort in that none of us can ever know, and in that we are all in the same boat. I am an Atheist and actually feel comfortable with death, if not the dying part. It is those I will leave behind who will mourn and that idea bothers me more than death itself. Thanks for talking about this today, Leroy.

Sent by Marcia Greer | 12:23 PM ET | 04-03-2008

With that essay Leroy you have just won American Idol, The Nobel prize for Literature AND the hearts of all of your readers. You are one elegant writer.
a devoted reader.
fondly,
sue

Sent by sue | 12:25 PM ET | 04-03-2008

Leroy
Apreciate your insight ....Love your wit! You are so right, I always have said (pertaining to my cancer) I can't sit around worrying about, what I do not know what I am worrying about...who know what the future will bring. Be in the moment and Enjoy
Blessings to you
Pam

Sent by Pam | 12:28 PM ET | 04-03-2008

Leroy -
From one of my favorite films, Shawshank Redemption: "You can get busy living, or get busy dying."

You're right to spend your time living and not in fear of what is to come. We all think about death - it's unavoidable when you have cancer. But I think it actually helps to accept the future when you've already imagined the various outcomes.

And whether we believe in heaven or heaven on earth, the Holy Father or the Goddess Mother - or nothing at all - that's just one part of who we are. Stay true to yourself and you have nothing to fear.

Sent by Patte | 1:30 PM ET | 04-03-2008

morning Leroy,

I call it the what if; what if I am paralyzed; what if this happens etc. I think back on all the things I have already been through and would not have thought I could do. what if is just a waste of time and energy. I'm like you, when I get there I will handle it.
Thanks for sharing your story, it makes it more tolerable when you know you are not alone.

Sent by cv | 1:38 PM ET | 04-03-2008

Leroy your post made me think about how my perspective about death has changed considerably in the past 5 years. I am not saying that one should get friendly with it but as the adage goes ... "No one leaves this life alive." I think that if one needs a motivator to get involved with conscious living, then think of those who are unable or whose time line is shortened.

Sent by Pat Z. | 2:13 PM ET | 04-03-2008

P.S.

Hi Leroy, Today I meant to include a thought that was helpful to an agnostic friend with cancer. She said she was not afraid of the time before she was born, and she was not afraid to go back to that place - be it "out there" in the universe or wherever.

Please rest assured that you will not be allowed to suffer. Pain management physicians will be able to take care of you. You will not be alone but surrounded by loving friends, including those on the web.

Thinking of you, Linda

Sent by Linda | 2:17 PM ET | 04-03-2008

Thank you for every word that you share. As my sister is dealing with similar issues, we are trying to live by this quote: "Worrying does not empty
tomorrow of its troubles -- it empties today of its strength."

Sent by Ann | 2:17 PM ET | 04-03-2008

Leroy,
You are one courageous spirit. Thank you for being our inspiration.

Sent by helen | 2:19 PM ET | 04-03-2008

Leroy, I don't think fear is a good thing. It takes energy away from the fight; lets the cancer win somehow. I don't know what is next, but like you, I will deal with it. Stay strong, Stan

Sent by Stan Wozniak | 3:15 PM ET | 04-03-2008

Dear Leroy, please suggest to your many readers that they read the VNA Hospice poem by Henry Van Dyke. Doesn't seem to have a title - first line is "I am standing upon the seashore."

Please keep talking about the hard things. Thank you.

Sent by barbara | 3:35 PM ET | 04-03-2008

Death Be Not Proud! For some have called thee mighty and proud, for, thou art not so...John Donne. One of my very, very favorites.
A play was written and then a made for TV movie.......called Wit. Very good too.

Sent by Wanda Amorose | 3:43 PM ET | 04-03-2008

Thank you for today's post. It gets the subject of death and dying out in the open because you articulated it. I am a believer in God and in Heaven and Hell. I do not have evidence that cannot be refuted. I believe in the power of prayer and also that God answers prayers but it is up to us to see how our prayer was answered because it is often not in the form that it was prayed. I know that there are so many questions about God's existence but I must confess that I'm not smart enough to answer them with clarity. And yet, I choose to believe.

I recently read a book entitled "90 Minutes in Heaven" by Rev. Don Piper. His experience and his dying as atested to by all earthly measures has helped me better understand. Perhaps it could help you and others who may honestly question.

I am not afraid of dying so I echo the sentiments of many here. I am not at this moment anxious or looking forward to it. That will probably change over time.

Cancer most acutely heightens our awareness of the fragility and tenuousness of life. Thoughts of death and dying have often been my companions in the quiet of the night when my mind cannot sleep. I worry for those left behind...my wife, kids and grandkids...but not for me. When my time comes, I trust that I will make my journey to the place called Heaven. Yes, I believe that I will be reunited with many loved ones who have preceded me there.

I hope my expression of my faith and hope in life everlasting has not offended anyone here. I don't judge anyone's beliefs or lack thereof. That's a very personal choice.

Always know, Leroy, that you and the legion of bloggers who come here each day for your words of wisdom are in my prayers.

Sent by Al Cato | 3:51 PM ET | 04-03-2008

Leroy, that is so cool to not put your cards on the table for cancer to 'see'. Whatever the cancer brings to you it is so important to stay focused on what is right in front of you. This allows you to focus your power on the task at hand to defeat this nemesis, cancer. Yoy try your best to take it one day at a time, putting one foot in front of the other, doing the next right thing as it comes to you. I believe this is the best way to muster your enegies and still enjoy each day.Graham.

Sent by Graham from Sag Harbor, NY | 3:53 PM ET | 04-03-2008

Leroy,
I want to re-iterate what Linda said. When my husband finally said, "Enough" to treatment, I had the strength and ability (with the drs' help) to decide when we didn't need to talk anymore. It became more important to make sure his passage was pain free.

So please don't worry about that part.

As for faith and/or religion, as the person left behind, the one thing that gets me through sometimes, especially anniversaries (like now) is knowing I'm going to see him again someday. What will we look like then? Will it be our old selves or will it be pure energy? Those are questions whose answers will have to wait. I just know that I am comforted with that knowledge.

Hang in there. You continue to be in my prayers.

Sent by Kathy | 5:18 PM ET | 04-03-2008

You have kept so many of us in awe with your strength and I believe that it is contagious. We should never let it see us cry, scream and scheme against it. Make that cancer worry about what is coming next. I try to.
With care.

Sent by anne lumberger | 5:18 PM ET | 04-03-2008

Had you asked me before my diagnosis last year, I would have said I am afraid of dying and death. I have of course, like you, done a lot of reflecting on this lately and have decided that what I feel (I rarely allow myself to go there) is an overwhelming sadness. I have yet so much to live for, so much I want to see and do, so much love left to give. When I let myself think about what may come, I grieve for my lost future, but I don't fear it.

Sent by Theresa Lovin | 5:26 PM ET | 04-03-2008

"Ye though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil, for Thou art with me" (I think it goes). "Thou" doesn't have to be God necessarily. "Thou" is Laurie, it is your family, it is your best friend, your dog, people who bring you comfort. Hopefully it is all of us, too.

I am not a religious person(I started to lose faith when my brother died when I was 15), but I find comfort in those words and thoughts.

Sent by Liz L. | 5:43 PM ET | 04-03-2008

I'll agree with you. It's the ing part, not the die part that's scary. I know you don't talk much about religion, but Jesus himself was very emotional before the crucifixion.

Sent by Crawford | 6:13 PM ET | 04-03-2008

Sorry that I did not get to read your blog earlier today because I've been waiting for this discussion. As I am well beyond my expected life expectancy I know this is a timely issue. I have spent some time talking with a therapist very calmly about death, funerals, etc. It is the act of dying that I can not imagine. I am always worried it will be boring. I am such an active person I cannot imagine slowing down enough to die. I know that seems strange when I have had three years of treatment, procedures and four major surgeries but I may have been asleep or drugged for a few days but I was always back into the swing of things quickly.

I also feel differently about the "dying at home" issue than most people. I know it sounds lovely but I don't think I want to diapered by my husband. I don't think the reality of death is that movie inspired scene of quietly saying goodbye and closing your eyes.

I look forward to more open and frank discussions and hearing what others feel about these issues. I am also sure there are many things I haven't even begun to think about.

Leroy, peace be with you and thanks for talking about the hard stuff because I think it is easier here than with our loved ones who are so terrified of our loss to have a detached discussion.

Sent by Dona | 6:16 PM ET | 04-03-2008

You made me laugh to say that you want the cancer to be worried about what you're going to do to it next. You kick it's ass, baby. What a fighter. You're incredible.

Sent by Michele Joseph | 6:45 PM ET | 04-03-2008

Very interesting topic, and all the comments. Having had cancer twice in 6 years, I have thought the same thoughts. But I look forward to the passing over, not the pain, but just seeing loved ones again. My parents, ALL my Aunts and Uncles have passed away. I have one brother living and 6 first cousins who are like siblings to me (and at 62 I am the baby), but I will be happy to finally be out of this body and into the new one that I was promised via the Bible. I know you want to keep faith out of it, but it is so hard to do when you are dealing with death. I prefer to think of a wonderful reception line waiting to greet me, rather than nothing on the other side. If I am right, what joy will fill my heart -- and if I am wrong, what harm did it do to look forward to that meeting? Peaceful thoughts Leroy.

Sent by Jo Ann Baswell-Margate, FL | 7:27 PM ET | 04-03-2008

Leroy, I appreciate your honest, intelligent conversation with us every day and am humbled by your desire to continue to write, despite your personal discomfort. You have given us the extraordinary gift of your spirit, I don't think I could ever thank you enough. Wishing you a bit of rest today...

Hugs to you and Laura....

Sent by Faun | 8:54 PM ET | 04-03-2008

Leroy, I am so proud of your strength and your fight! You are amazing! I was so fortunate to be able to have the man I love reach out to me and hold me as he passed, I believe, into a better place. He no longer suffers, he no longer feels pain and he is no longer scared. I also believe there were angels in that room waiting to take him home. What an awesome experience for me....my fear now is leaving those I love behind and the pain they will feel, knowing first hand, how it feels myself.....

Sent by Laurie Hirth | 9:49 PM ET | 04-03-2008

Hey Leroy -- My thoughts are with you. You have a rough row to hoe right now. I keep thinking of some brave souls I have known -- a 90-odd-year-old physician who insisted on having the (ok, no spell-check here) B'Ahga-vad-gita read at his funeral: "There was never a time when I did not exist; there will never be a time when I shall cease to exist." Or the 83-year-old German woman who had survived Hitler, who said to her daughter, who was crying and bemoaning her own 60th birthday: "Vell, Julia, you is yust vun day older than vat you vas yesterday!" Or my friend who died in her early 40's of cancer -- so funny, referring to her meds as "Morphine-Lite" -- though I'm with Woody -- I think I'd want "Morphine-Strong" myself. Don't figure I'd want to "rage, rage" when it all came down to it. Given your history and your past gumption, however, maybe that's your way. But only you can decide that.

Sent by Victoria Ferreira | 10:03 PM ET | 04-03-2008

Leroy,
You are too funny bringing up religion and then saying how it's a private issue. I just love your delivery. I also love the idea of cancer lying awake at night worrying what you're going to do to it next!
More prayers and big hugs... Jennifer

Sent by Jennifer in CA | 12:05 AM ET | 04-04-2008

Leroy,
Here's a quote by Mark Twain that I keep on my desk. "Some of the worst things in my life never happened." It helps me tame those dark thoughts that creep into ones mind. Best wishes, friend.

Sent by Paulette | 1:06 AM ET | 04-04-2008

I'm struck, Leroy, by your assumption that religion is a private matter. I think I can understand why you decided, early on, to avoid the subject of religion in this blog, because it does have the capacity to attract all sorts of intense reactions from certain people on the fringe. I'm a Presbyterian minister (as well as a cancer survivor), and I've devoted my life to talking about religion - publicly - so, please pardon me if I have a different take on the subject. I believe religion is the last subject we ought to feel obliged to stuff down deep, hiding it away from others. Yes, I know we live in a land governed by the principle of separation of church and state. I honor that principle, but I don't think it requires us to avoid the subject entirely, in public settings. Faith is a matter of intense interest to most people, even many of those who consider themselves agnostic or atheist. If you truly believe religion is so intensely personal it can't be talked about, that's your privilege, but - speaking for myself, anyway - I would be very interested to hear you share as much as you'd like about your spiritual life, as you travel this hard road. With wonderful courage and candor, you've spared us few details of your physical condition - why should the spiritual aspect of your journey be any different?

Sent by Carl Wilton | 2:16 AM ET | 04-04-2008

Just wanted to say I agree with several posters above that this may be your best blog entry yet. Thank you Thank you.

Sent by Nichole | 9:32 AM ET | 04-04-2008

Leroy, the strength of your words come from honesty and courage. You are also trying to care for us and be respectful of individual preferences. Go ahead and push that boundary as you have in so many other ways. We will continue to learn from you and each other as you lead us forward in your journey.

Sent by claire | 11:07 AM ET | 04-04-2008