Just a quick thought on the passage of time. I attended the Talk of the Nation show on which you appeared a year ago today. I wanted to ask about the cheese steak sandwiches and to meet you and thank you for the great service you continue to provide to those inside and outside the cancer community.

I'm sure you will recall that superimposed on the show was the breaking news of the shootings at Virginia Tech. The irony of trying to combat cancer, of trying to be 'in control', with the news reminding us that we are not in as much control as we'd like.

But with our treatments, with our positive attitudes, we control what we can.

Sent by Jack Burrington | 7:49 AM ET | 04-16-2008

Absolutely,
You must continue to believe, because certainly at anytime, we may win. In the meantime, your spirit is amazing and such encouragement for everyone.
Prayers, Blessing and May The Grace Of God Be With You.
Wanda Amorose

Sent by Wanda Amorose | 7:50 AM ET | 04-16-2008

you did win this round leroy

you got through the treatments and rang that bell, thats something to celebrate, no matter the results. Of course having some success would be ideal.

:)

Sent by Jenn | 7:53 AM ET | 04-16-2008

Good morning, Leroy! I am up here in the Adirondack Mountains and it is a GORGEOUS AND BEAUTIFUL, albeit cool right now, day. Spring is here and spring is the time for new beginnings; so, I would like to believe that you are going into new beginnings also. You are putting your all into what you are doing - your doctors are putting their all into you! You have so very many prayers out here in cyberspace praying for you and wishing only the best for you. You have Laurie loving you all of the time and you loving her -those are positive things! So, we keep the prayers and good wishes going to you - you do your therapy and praying for you - and I guess that one day at a time and please G-d, he will listen and know that we need you here amongst us for a lot longer. Take care and G-d bless you.
Jan

Sent by Janice Goldberg White | 7:58 AM ET | 04-16-2008

A Sunny, Good Morning to you, Leroy! It does look like a beautiful day and now you can plan for the times to follow. As I see it, you are so right to assume that you won that last round. However you cannot afford to just wait for the next round can you? You even rung the bell! Concentrate on your walking without props and the chair. How is the pain? You speak little of pain lately - that is good. Shouldn't you now be working on writing some short stories about the friendships and experiences you have had? Not all about Cancer, but about people, imagination, hopes and dreams. There IS a life without cancer - remember it? Your mind has been through h--l as well as your body. Now exercise IT also. Some "Physic PT"? Sounds good to me!
You and Laurie have a great day!

Sent by J C R | 8:17 AM ET | 04-16-2008

Being optimistic is a good thing! Until it is confirmed that it has returned, I would urge optimism. I believe that most of us always have HOPE in our hearts. It seems to me to be a better way to live.

Some may say that this being naive and ignoring the facts. Yes, facts are facts but sometimes in the cancerworld, facts are wrong! Good things do happen. Sometimes having the cancer stable is a blessing. Sometimes our friend NED (no evidence of disease) will visit. We all know the reality so sometime it is best "not spoken about". Cherish the moment and celebrate this day.

I have had 5 recurrences of melanoma. At the time of each recurrence, the dread of what's next would invade my every thought. Once the surgery was completed and the next treatment begun, I would allow myself to once again HOPE. The cycle repeated itself 5 times. Today, I know that it is likely that it will return again but HOPE accompanied by living in the moment seems best for me and I hope for you!

Prayers as always.

Sent by Al Cato | 8:39 AM ET | 04-16-2008

Leroy, no matter what happens you are a true optimist at heart! I have been faithfully reading your blog for a very long time and today's entry is one of the most beautiful I can remember. You are right, you must truly believe that you have won this battle. As always, I will continue to pray for you and Laurie.

Sent by Elena | 8:39 AM ET | 04-16-2008

"If I were to truly believe that the radiation probably didn't work (the tumors weren't permanently eradicated), then I would have gone through it for nothing."
Leroy, if your life is extended by even one day, was it all for nothing? If my understanding of your statement is mistaken, please forgive my error. And perhaps one might answer that a certain, specified added quantity of life equals "worth it," although how one arrives at that arbitrary marker is curious.

Sent by Leonard from Alabama | 8:39 AM ET | 04-16-2008

Leroy,
You are still fighting, and that is a triumph within itself. My father-in-law passed away on Monday--he had advanced prostate cancer, but didn't let any of us know until the very end. He didn't want to fight, he refused treatment. We had maybe 3 days of him being coherent, and then he was gone. Just like that--and the folks at Hospice were incredible about everything.
I do wish he would have fought it, just a little longer, so he could enjoy his youngest grandchildren (my kids).
Keep up all the good work and strength!

Sent by Kathleen, NJ | 8:43 AM ET | 04-16-2008

Good morning Leroy. Live for today. You are sounding so much stronger by the day. Wouldn't it be wonderful if this procedure did take care of it. But if you can like you said don't worry about it now. Just use your thoughts and energy to get the most out of each day. Enjoy the beautiful spring season.

You and Laurie take care.

Sent by dorothy in oregon | 8:46 AM ET | 04-16-2008

I think that the only way we can live some sort of fulfilling life is to believe that this treatment, whether it be the 1st, 2nd, 5th, has somehow contained this disease for the moment. And we must pray that by the time the cancer shows up again, they have discovered a new pill or treatment. I watched 60 Minutes the other night and was very impressed by the radio wave treatment that they will be testing. I hope I am here to discover that this treatment works. I'm on my 3rd recurrence and the only way they have discovered the last to recurrences was because of problems not related to cancer. So I'm thankful for that and praying for new treatments always. As always, you and your family are in my prayers. Linda

Sent by Linda | 8:47 AM ET | 04-16-2008

Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof....

You're exactly right, Leroy! For now, live each day to the fullest and savor every detail. If and when the beast returns, you can deal with it then.

Sent by Brenda | 9:08 AM ET | 04-16-2008

I sure hope you bought some serious time with this last round of treatments, Leroy. And I hope you continue to get stronger

Sent by Alycia Keating | 9:16 AM ET | 04-16-2008

Dear Leroy,

Selfishly, I am happy you have never given up and continue to fight. And yes, there is always hope.

Bless you and Laurie and Everyone.

Sent by Connie | 9:23 AM ET | 04-16-2008

Positive words Leroy, very positive and strong. You have to believe and have faith! That is extremely strong medicine.

Just less than a year ago, a friend was diagnosed with bladder cancer, and now has to have repeat biopsies, another friend was just diagnosed with another form of cancer. Both are relatively young. My words of wisdom from my medical oncology days.... believe in your treatment, and stay positive.

Sent by Sue Chap | 9:30 AM ET | 04-16-2008

Dear Leroy,

you are phenomenal! Your courage and dignity continue to inspire me and many, many others. Keep believing.

Sent by Patty | 10:02 AM ET | 04-16-2008

Leroy,

Whether the cancer comes back or not, you have today and I assume it is a better day than you would have if you had not undergone treatment.

I think we go through this treatment stuff to buy time, but eventually we - all of us - run out of time. If we focus on that eventuality, we don't get to enjoy the day that we have.

Have a GREAT day!

Blessings.

Sent by Diana Kitch | 10:14 AM ET | 04-16-2008

Leroy,
I not sure why today is the day but I feel like I needed to tell you this. I read your blog religiously and all I can say is that I ache for you each and every day I read it. I feel a special kinship because I am your age with your same cancer, same grade 4 status, diagnosed the same month as you, with the same dismal prognosis. Unlike you, I have had the extreme fortune to take an entirely different course. I am cancer free (for now) and more or less back to my old life. Everytime I read your blog it is reminder of what could have been. Like most non-cancer patients I am tempted to forget how fortunate I am. Reading your stories reminds me everyday what a gift my life has become. I am not sure if you ever concieve of your blog in those terms but for me I want you to know you are a gift I will always remember and can never repay.

Sent by David | 10:26 AM ET | 04-16-2008

"I'm going to try not to worry about that now." What an important statement this morning, Leroy, albeit a mighty hard one to accomplish at times, I know. Dr. Jerome Groopman has written an excellent book, "The Anatomy of Hope - How People Prevail in the Face of Illness" that you might want to read. He ends it with ... "I see hope as the very heart of healing. For those who have hope, it may help some to live longer, and it will help all to live better."

One day at a time, my friend.

Sent by Dianne in Nevada | 10:26 AM ET | 04-16-2008

I think that acceptance of reality and hope can coexist.Even if someone has a poor prognosis, nothing is ever certain. As long as we're alive, life can hold surprises. And going through painful or unpleasant treatment, we just have to believe it will (or at least MAY) make a difference. This week brought two moments of great hope. First, on Sunday night's 60 Minutes, there was a segment about a very exciting new cancer treatment under development using radio waves (sounded like your radio frequency ablation). Then on Monday, someone emailed me an article about the surprising positive results of a trial of a vaccination given to women who have been diagnosed with breast cancer of a particularly deadly type (Her2neu positive) -- which is the kind I was treated for! Both of those pieces of news were completely unexpected. So hang in there, Leroy. Even if your doctors don't know "what's next" right now, there is hope for new developments.

Sent by Doris | 10:27 AM ET | 04-16-2008

Faith, Hope and Love, the greatest of these if Love....much is being sent your way today and always!
Believe! Continued prayers for all of you!

Sent by Laurie Hirth | 10:38 AM ET | 04-16-2008

It sounds as though you're at the place where anyone would be after getting through a time when you were putting one foot in front of the other to get through it. You're wondering "What next?" Living in the moment is difficult when the moments keep getting intruded upon with unwelcome news and new problems. If we can all be concious of the blessings that we have in each moment...the love around us, the food we eat, the homes we have, the community that has been created here among us for example, then whatever else happens, we can cope with it better. What else is there to do?

Sent by Nancy K. Clark | 11:09 AM ET | 04-16-2008

Good morning to Leroy, Laurie and everyone in Leroy's Army.
Regarding time, I am reminded of the Jim Croche song "Time in a Bottle" and think what would I put in that bottle...or would I need many different bottles? And in Mr. Croce's words "there never seems to be enough time to do the things we want to do", no matter what our life status. lac

Sent by Lou Ann | 11:10 AM ET | 04-16-2008

Dear Leroy,
The end of a treatment series seems to bring on so many thoughts and emotions. I have found it to be a difficult time, but as you have so wonderfully pointed out you just work your way through it and keep moving forward. I wish you good days ahead and you are in my prayers. I pray for good things for you and Laurie. I am so appreciative of all you have shared with us.
Charlotte in Rural Ridge, PA

Sent by Charlotte Kewish | 11:25 AM ET | 04-16-2008

You said once a while ago that you could "worry about it or have a piece of pie." Have some pie--served with all our good wishes and hope.

Sent by Tara | 11:56 AM ET | 04-16-2008

I also have metastatic cancer that has spread to my spine as well as my liver. Fortunately, it is slow-moving and thus far we have been able to keep it at bay through various chemo cocktails (although it is considered incurable). My entire treatment future depends on my doctors' ever-evolving bag of tricks. So far, everything they have pulled out of that bag has worked brilliantly. I have never considered myself to be a particularly religious or spiritual person, but I have great faith in their ability to find new approaches that will stick. I have the same faith for you. Hang in there!

Sent by Kristy Manning | 11:56 AM ET | 04-16-2008

Leroy,We take the treatment or the meds and we hope it has worked. Won't know till the next scan day, and then we wait. Nothing else to do, we wait. Then we decide, what is next? Seems it always comes down to that question, what do we do next? I hope I never run out of the next choice, the future is very cloudy when that happens. Still in the fight, it is what life is all about fighting for the next day or week, and so on. The docs always seem to have another idea, don't want to tell you everything at once, I guess. Stan

Sent by Stan Wozniak | 12:08 PM ET | 04-16-2008

Your power of example is how I can live a better life, Leroy. How am I to deal with the traumas of my life; face my imortality, fight a powerful disease over come the death (tragic or not) of a love one, overcome the loss of a job, whatever, if I don't have the examples of courage like yours? You show me that I can be brutally honest and still move forward with hope. "talking", blogging, e-mailing about it is cathartic. You teach me this Leroy. Your strength becomes my strength, now or when the time comes. I will never forget your struggles and how you face them, The test comes in how I meet such challenges. As long as I do the best I can with the resouces available to me I can better accept the outcome. Acceptance is the key. It beats the alternative. I can not do any of this without the example of others like you, Leroy. Life is a "we" program. You make life meaningful for me. In isolation I am nothing. If I can take on your humble courage than maybe I can pass it on to others when my challenges come. I love you Leroy you are the greatest. -Graham from Sag Harbor

Sent by Graham G. Hawks | 12:10 PM ET | 04-16-2008

Maybe this sounds too simplistic, but you don't know how many days, years, etc. you have left and neither do I!! And you are using yours to inspire others. I have been reading you for some time but suddenly in the past few days felt the need to write. It is important to me.. Just to let you know I am a woman, 65 years old, that cares about you and your family. I am learning to be your friend and it is SO EASY..

Thank you for sharing your journey with us.

God bless....

Sent by Patsy Elmore | 12:15 PM ET | 04-16-2008

Many people find themselves at a point where they have to wonder "why?" - what is our purpose for even being here? My husband isn't normally eloquent - but he has his moments - and he once said to me that we are here for the moment we are in, to be with our family, friends, pets, to take in the beauty of the world, and hopefully making the world a better place for everyone and everything we are near. He is so right. Nothing is certain in anyone's life, and sometimes we wonder why it must be so hard to slog through...but we do. You have been able to enlarge the circle of those who care about you and for you in a way that you would not have chosen, but you are doing more good than you ever would have imagined for by just taking one step at at time. There is no greater good you can EVER do. Thank you.

Sent by Debbie L. Sands | 12:38 PM ET | 04-16-2008

Dear Leroy
David and I feel the same way. It is hard to be optimistic all the time, but each day can bring miracles too. We all care and are with you. Thank you for being with us.

Sent by Tina from Alton IL | 12:45 PM ET | 04-16-2008

How much time has been bought, Leroy? Hopefully, a lot of good time! You did the right thing no matter what happens.

Sent by Marilyn | 1:08 PM ET | 04-16-2008

Leroy -
Regardless of how much time has been bought, remember it is YOUR time. We are visiting Maui, and went to pick up snorkel gear yesterday. As he was trying to convince us to attend their breakfast timeshare presentation to save on package deals, the salesman asked us "what is your time worth." I couldn't find an answer that I thought he would understand. Eventually I walked out of the store holding back tears and left my husband behind to finish the purchase. But as I stepped out of the store, I looked across the street at the gorgeous ocean view just in time to see a sailboat pass by, framed by two trees on the coast. I'm not sure what my time is worth, but that experience was worth my time.

Sent by Patte | 1:21 PM ET | 04-16-2008

I want to let people who read this blog know about a television program on PBS this evening, "The Truth About Cancer." Check your local listings for the time.

The PBS website describes it as "an intimate look at cancer diagnosis and treatment through personal stories of triumph and tragedy, including producer Linda Garmon's experience with her husband." From what I have read, Ms. Garmon sets out to show the reality of cancer and dispel the myth that if you "just fight hard enough, you can beat cancer." The reality is that success is largely dependent upon whether your particular cancer responds to the treatments available.

The thing I have appreciated most about your blog Leroy is your honesty and realism. Today's entry is a prime example. We need to be real about cancer and hear the truth. Thanks for keeping it real, Leroy. I am hoping for the same from the PBS program.

Sent by Karen in Anchorage | 1:29 PM ET | 04-16-2008

Keep your faith Leroy.You and the doctors can only do what is humanly possible.The rest is not in your hands. As you have said before this is extremely hard work.Keep moving forward. May the Lords grace shine on us.

Sent by Hal | 1:57 PM ET | 04-16-2008

Leroy,

I hope that you will continue to believe that the cancer won't come back. Optimism lets us live in the moment and all that any of us really have is the present - the gift of NOW. Each of these treatments, procedures, and therapies gives us more of these moments. How many; none of us really knows. Those of us touched by cancer have grasped the wisdom of living with dying. In that knowledge we are blessed to understand the meaning of the breath and life that we fight to maintain. You have won this round and we are all richer because of the victory. Enjoy today and congratulations on ringing the bell!!

Sent by Suzanne Lindley | 2:02 PM ET | 04-16-2008

You are loved and held in high regard and that is more than most people on this earth will ever know. Blessings to you and your family, life is so fragile and it takes a lifetime to learn it.

Sent by Deborah of Asheville, NC | 2:42 PM ET | 04-16-2008

Hi Leroy,

I go through this all the time. I keep trying to figure out how long I have, when/if (ok, when) it will come back, where it will come back.

It can drive you crazy. Those questions can't be answered.

I have to force myself to let go and focus on today. How do I feel today? What can I do today? I know that down the road, I will look back on what I can do now and miss those abilities.

I've learned that there is always a plan to handle what comes up. My doctor has come up with things I didn't know existed so I waste energy trying to forecast a plan.

One day the plan will be to stop the procedures and just be as comfortable as possible.

I'm not there yet so I'm not living in that world.

Enjoy today to the very best of your ability. It has worked for me. I have had many more "today"s than they ever thought I would.

Sent by Karen D. | 3:23 PM ET | 04-16-2008

I have Stage 4 breast cancer and have for 8 years. The smallest things give me hope. Progress measured in inches sometimes. And when I do a little more than I thought I could ever do..then I have hope that the next day will bring more unexpected good news. Don't limit yourself as to hope. The sky's the limit. Hope that this IS IT, that they got it all.

Maybe they did.

Sent by Nancy Oliveri | 3:55 PM ET | 04-16-2008

When you say that if the radiation didn't work , you would have gone through it for nothing...well, I just can't agree. I am reminded of a heroic act that my husband went through about 2 years ago. He donated his bone marrow to a 6 month old girl who was dying of a form of leukemia. The little girl died anyway, shortly after the transplant. Was his donation for nothing? Absolutely not, it gave a family hope. It gave a child a chance , albeit a small one, for a life. It was an inspiration to others and actually triggered a pilot program in our area for recruiting other Native Americans to donate.
Going through radiation, even if it didn't work, Gave you a chance at life. Gave you, and those who love you, hope. Gave "LA" hope and for some of us, the courage to keep fighting ourselves. You have given more "data" to the medical professionals to use in the fight against cancer. Gone through it for nothing?? I think not.

Sent by Theresa Lovin | 4:01 PM ET | 04-16-2008

I must tell you that 25 yrs ago my husband and I "chucked it all", sold our house, he took early retirement and I quit a good job. We sold everything that we had collected for all through our marriage and only kept what we could carry in a U Haul truck and set out for places we knew nothing about.
Why? because I had been diagnosed with advanced breast cancer, and after a radical was told that IF I took Chemo I might have 6 to 5 months to live. I did, and so, here we are in beautiful Va, and wishing we had come here years ago when the lovely land was less crowded and much cheaper. We still miss our home on LI but would not go back for anything, even IF we could afford to buy our old home back!
See, doctors CAN be wrong, they are not Gods, and we never know what is waiting for us just around the corner. So stop worrying about what is next, how long you have. No one knows that. It is the quality not the guantity.
Leroy, have some wonderful days, months, & years with Laurie and the life you used to love.

Sent by J C R | 4:05 PM ET | 04-16-2008

My husband & I went yesterday to hear the results of his latest PET/CT fusion scan. There are nodules in his only remaining lung that were not there before. They are too small to biopsy & they didn't light up on the PET, just the CT saw them. We were told not to worry, just come back in 4 months for the next PET/CT scan & we will see then what is going on. I am a nurse & know what the chances are of those nodules being a recurrent cancer from his diagnosis 2 years ago of lung cancer & the removal of his entire right lung. We had beat the beast back long enough for him to see our only grand daughter born & walk our only daughter down the aisle, but the beast appears to be knocking at the door. That is what I hate the most about living in cancer world, always knowing the beast is just around the corner waiting to strike. We are going to enjoy the next 4 months & he will see the 2nd grandchild enter this world in July, then in August we will again face the beast straight in the eye & see who blinks first!!

Sent by Kathy | 4:54 PM ET | 04-16-2008

My wife was diagnosed with Stage 4 breast cancer 4 1/2 years ago. She finished chemo, ran for City Council and won, became president of the fine arts association, became a master garderner, saw two sons get married, another play high school hockey, took up watercolors and won first prize at the local fair. The beast finally caught up with her six months ago and I lost her.

What now? Why anything you want. You were an inspiration for both of us. I finally finshed that novel that has been lurking for 20 years.

Continue to get the most out of everyday. On behalf of both Molly and I.... thank you.

You will do whatever feels right for you.

Sent by Steve | 5:12 PM ET | 04-16-2008

Leroy.. you have quite a "life song" and there are many people in your audience applauding you! Sing on.....

Sent by Jo Ann Baswell-Margate, FL | 7:13 PM ET | 04-16-2008

Leroy,
Thoughts of you always brings me to this site and then as I read the comments, someone else jumps out at me.
Today, it is Kathy. My husband had his left lung removed in Sept. 2003, and God and his doctors gave him 3 1/2 years of NED--Time spent with our three Grand-girls, the youngest of which was only 7 months when Leon was first struck by the beast. She was four when we lost him. Now, a long year later, she still talks about "Grand-Dad" being in Heaven but, like me, she sometimes gets mad and wants him to come back.
Steve, so sorry you no longer have Molly by your side. At least, phyically. Leon is with me every day.
Prayers for all,
Jane

Sent by Jane from AR | 7:48 PM ET | 04-16-2008

Leroy, Thanks for your blog. I've been reading it for about 6 months now. I am a nurse at Huntsman Cancer Hospital in Salt Lake City. I work on the surgical floor. It has been educational and good for me to learn about the road you and similar patients are on. I like your perspective. Don't lose hope, miracles happen!

Sent by Becky | 8:06 PM ET | 04-16-2008

Leroy - spend the rest of this week enjoying today's (yesterday's) victory!

Spring is here and I am sure that there are some sprouting flowers and trees down in your neck of the woods too.

Enjoy a little fresh air this week. Breathe it in, and be grateful that you are getting better. Your victory is being here! Everyone in your life is happy for that.

Sent by Liz L. | 8:50 PM ET | 04-16-2008

This past weekend our cancer support group lost a member. Doris had been diagnosed eight years ago, and given one year to live. She spent most of those eight years in treatment, and continued to ask for new options up until two days before she passed. Like so many of us, she looked the beast in the eye, and stared it down for as long as possible. Leroy, forget about the next procedure for now. Take care in rebuilding what you can for as long as you can, so that your physical strength matches your mental fortitude whenever that next hurdle shows up.

Sent by Sheara | 9:43 PM ET | 04-16-2008

Dear Leroy
One year ago today I attended the broadcast of Talk of the Nation and had the honor of shaking your hand, it is a day that I will always remember.
I have continued reading your blog and in the process learned many things I would not otherwise have even thought about. I have tried to incorporate the love and compassion of your many bloggers into my daily life. You have changed many lives. Thank you!
2007 Virginia Tech Tragedy
2008 The Pope in Washington
2009 ???
Prayers to all!
Helen

Sent by Helen McGurl Gesiotto | 11:49 PM ET | 04-16-2008

What now? I see that reaction in my husband every time he finishes an ironman race. All the months of focused training, eat, sleep, train, repeat; and then the day comes and ten or so hours later, it's over. Being a positive person, it doesn't take him long to move on to the next goal, the next race, some other challenge to conquer. You remind me of him Leroy. Time to take a day or two of down time and then start looking forward...

Sent by Rose Patterson | 12:12 AM ET | 04-17-2008

God bless you Leroy. You are such an inspiration. You are right. It's best to keep on living in the moment. You made it through radiation (in excess of what is safe) and you rang the bell! You did it! It's a victory.
Peace. Jennifer

Sent by Jennifer in CA | 12:49 AM ET | 04-17-2008

I think you have reason to hope--there is a possibility (even if small) that you have killed the cancer, right? And also, even if it comes back, maybe there will be some new really good way of getting it by then. Heck, even if it comes back quickly, worrying won't change that. So there is good reason to focus on the best outcomes right now. And I will hope for you, as well, that those will be the ones that happen.

Sent by N.R. | 10:17 AM ET | 04-17-2008

Thanks for your post. I wish I were the 'more optimistic' type. I am a pessimist every since I relapsed the first time from treatment for my CLL.

I just expected to get a complete response like most people did, and I was I guess an optimist in that regard. When I fell out of a partial remission in a few months, it was a big blow.

I had a dream last night I was with my wife. I was very angry that I was dying. I wanted more time, my 'three score and ten'. In my dream, there was no hope left. I wish I did have some hope.

Sent by Scott S. | 12:24 PM ET | 04-18-2008