Dear Leroy,

All of us, cancer survivors and regular folks too, have to face the changes our bodies undergo over time. With time comes a new "normal"...no more am I able to party all night, change clothes and head to work; no longer able to walk many city blocks in 3" heels; now I hire others to paint my walls and cut the grass.

I miss the old normal: the strength, the abilities and the energy. I resent and dislike the slowed movements and the pain that is with me 24/7.

But, I am here and I can adjust and find so much to enjoy...fresh salmon on the grill, a drive to look at the spring flowers, good books and great friends. Life may not be the old normal, but it is still pretty good.

Peggy

Sent by Peggy | 7:46 AM ET | 04-23-2008

Mornin' Leroy! I believe that your goal of "getting better" is the way to go! Will any of us EVER get back to our "normal condition"? Oh, to be able to accomplish that! Yes, the radiation evidently takes a lot out of the body and mind. I have never had it, so I do not know what it can do. Chemo was bad enough and I have never gotten back to my "normal" since then. Then a Stroke did it's best to blind me and slow me down, so this is evidently what Life does to us. But-we are still here and must make the best with what we have left. Discovering what we can still do and who we are deep down inside, is a challenge. Some of us, like you Leroy, are up to it and will rise above it all, some will give in and surrender to it. I, like you, will not give in and shall remain the tough, nasty fighter that I can be. You sound good Leroy.

Sent by J C R | 7:59 AM ET | 04-23-2008

Dear All,
What does getting better really mean? My husband with Stage IV lung cancer has been in the hospital for two weeks now. He has decided to stop getting Chemo (after 14 months) and to turn down a clinical trial. When he is released from the hospital, he will go into Hospice. Is he getting better? Of course not. Is he feeling more in control? Yes. I heard him talking to a nurse yesterday. His voice was full of strength and conviction. He hasn't sounded this sure of himself since his DX. He needed to take as much control of the situation as possible. I'm devastated that he's not coming home anymore but it was good to hear his old, confident voice again.
Good luck to you all.

Sent by Elaine | 7:59 AM ET | 04-23-2008

It's true, there's always a "new normal" that we face as we age, whether we have gone through cancer treatment or not, but the cancer treatment can "age" us ahead of our time. I know I feel like that's what the treatment did to me in so many ways.

I do think, though, that you will feel MUCH better, Leroy, as you get further away from the radiation. Radiation makes you feel so tired and weak and it takes a while to recover but I'm sure there is a "new normal" that is better than how you feel now ahead of you!

Sent by N.R. | 7:59 AM ET | 04-23-2008

We all have to put one foot ahead of the other and keep walking. Dad always told me that. So I did. Now is no different for me, and yes we all came in and we are all going out. Nobody gets to stay. Some go out easy, others have to fight, but that is okay....we will be well one day. Very well.
Prayers, Blessings and May The Grace of God Be With You.
Wanda Amorose

Sent by Wanda Amorose | 8:01 AM ET | 04-23-2008

Hope that you embrace your therapist's goal of getting rid of the walker for most things...this seems to me to be a very worthy goal...one to challenge you mentally and certainly physically. I have come to accept that there are things I cannot do that I once easily did. I don't like it but I cannot reasonably expect that I will be able to do them. And it is ok!

You have skills and abilities but they may not be as they once were. You do have a gift, a very special gift, to be able to connect to others through your words, this blog. This is not trivial. Perhaps you take it for granted because you've been doing this for most of your life besides being very good at it. Nevertheless, it is a gift!! Perhaps you should consider expanding the use of your gift beyond this blog....perhaps a book for cancer patients and caregivers. You have the ability to give others HOPE where there is often NO HOPE; you reach down and touch one's soul with the feelings you express so eloquently and you also address the inevitably of the cancer fight that many face with dignity and grace.

So...in addition to your own personal goals to be attained (absence of walker), continue to use and even expand the use of your God-given gift of writing.

Blessings and prayers.

Sent by Al Cato | 8:24 AM ET | 04-23-2008

It's easy to look out the`window and see people scurrying about with normal activities. They are in plain sight. But when we were one of those people, busy with our daily living, we didn't see the thousands in retirement centers, hospitals, their own homes or anyone of a multitude of places who are very limited in their activities also...maybe from cancer, but could be from old age, MS, RA, stroke, car wreck, or goodness only knows. It makes me want to do more reaching out to lonely folks who need a little natural assistance in daily living. But for the goodness of God there go I.

Sent by Susan | 8:28 AM ET | 04-23-2008

Oh my how timely your post is today. Dealing with change. Exactly what does it take to adjust to change? I don't have an answer for that, really. I know that I do manage to adapt. It may be briefly dysfunctional, but I overcome and keep going.

I know I am having to adjust with the aches and pains of getting older. I know I will have to continue to this. Fortunately, I don't have cancer.

However, when my sister was diagnosed, I can tell you this, she have never adjusted to the diagnosis, or changes, has regressed and acquired a pattern of learned helplessness. And I can't adjust to that. Any suggestions? I am open.

Sent by Sue Chap | 8:29 AM ET | 04-23-2008

Getting better takes so long, doesn't it? We remember how we used to feel and it seems like a dream. Sometimes the improvements are imperceptible, but they do come, slowly. Recovering from chemo and radiation takes a long time, I know, and all your energies have to go into healing. Our thoughts and love are with you.

Sent by Tina from Alton IL | 8:32 AM ET | 04-23-2008

Leroy,

You also sound better as the days go by. You sound stronger. As I read Peggy's comment I don't think I can add much. You have a wonderful community of people (LA) that is takeing each day with you. Thank you also for being there for everyone and for helping us all to take things one day at a time and reminding us how much we all still have to be thankful for on this journey each day.

Sent by dorothy in oregon | 8:40 AM ET | 04-23-2008

I love your attitude, Leroy, in talking about the new "normal". The new "normal" keeps us going since we are here and continue to live. I know that even getting to the new normal can be a struggle and hard. Wish we all could snap our fingers and it would be here. Or, "I Dream of Jeanie" also comes to mind. Too bad healing is not like magic.

You continue to give us all hope with this positive thinking. Thanks Leroy!

Sent by JJG - Minnesota | 9:11 AM ET | 04-23-2008

I truly believe that the best part of being is being able to adapt to change. It is the engine that drives mankind. EVOLUTION. CHANGE and the ability to accept the new normals that happen to us almost constantly. I am proud that we are able to roll with the punches and come back strong. It is this ability that makes us survivors.
Keep rollin my brother, keep rollin!

Love, Liz z

Sent by liz Zimmerman | 9:20 AM ET | 04-23-2008

Leroy,
I admire you courage in taking the fight to the cancer. I find the side effects from the chemo and radiation etc. intolerable. I know it slows the cancer down but I don't like being sick. Maybe I'll die 6 months sooner but at least I'm feeling mostly pretty good and am doing what I want right now. My best to you and keep up the good fight.

Sent by Robert G Oehl, | 9:36 AM ET | 04-23-2008

Good morning, Leroy! Normal - Hmm, WHAT IS NORMAL? What WAS normal IN THE DAY is not what we do today! As I have said, I have not had cancer or any of the by-products of that - but I have had three hip surgeries. I did not like where I was - and I am NOT where I was before - but it is O.K. Once you can get around without the walker you will feel more human. You will not be as you were before - but you will be better than today! And, life goes on, only differently! You have a lot to be thankful for - Laurie, those of us out here in cyberspace who pray for you and love you, INSURANCE to help take care of the medical expenses and your own inner strength. You are one incredible human being and G-d was good when he put you here and he is good for all of us to get to know and love you.
Have a great day - hope that it is as gorgeous by you as it is here in the Adirondacks!

Jan

Sent by Janice Goldberg White | 9:42 AM ET | 04-23-2008

Maybe we should just trash the word normal. Trying to achieve normality is too frustrating - and it's a moving target, anyway. How about settling for 'as good a life as possible'?

Sent by Leslie C | 9:42 AM ET | 04-23-2008

To Elaine,

Peace and strength for both you and your husband. It is a strong person who can make an important decision like he has.

I hold you and your husband in my prayers during this time.

Sent by Sue Chap | 10:06 AM ET | 04-23-2008

Dear Leroy,
I am hoping and praying that the day when you can retire your walker comes soon. I feel off a step ladder last year and had to use a walker for a little while. I hated it!! After all, only old people have walkers...oh, did I miss the fact that I am old!!!
My walker is tucked away where I can't see it and I hope yours will be put away soon. In the meantime, just keep getting better!
Thanks for your thoughtful words every day.
Charlotte in Rural Ridge, PA

Sent by Charlotte Kewish | 10:08 AM ET | 04-23-2008

A few years back, I suffered a massive pulmonary embolism, coming close to death. My recovery was long and arduous, as my lungs tried to do their best for me after their ordeal. I was dragging an oxygen tank around, day after day after day. The respiratory therapist who came to the house every day could sense that I was getting more and more depressed. Would I EVER get back to normal? When would I start feeling like myself again? One day she said this: "You know, this is taking a while. But there will come a day when you'll wake up and lie there in bed and think to yourself that something is different today. What is it? you'll ask. And then it will hit you. You'll think, hey, it's that today I'm feeling better. Not 100%, maybe not even 50%, but better. And then you get up smiling." Leroy - hope you get up smiling every day from now on!

Sent by Susan Crawford | 10:08 AM ET | 04-23-2008

So many great posts about the changes we all face. I'm reminded of a lady in our neighborhood who, now that the snow has at last melted (this is Minnesota), walks down our road with hel of her walker and her dog on a leash by her side. Yes, she appears rather elderly, but how many in her position would make the effort to get out in the fresh air and sunshine, no matter how it might appear to the more able-bodied? Next time I see her, I think I'll stop and congratulate her on doing what she does. You, too, Leroy - I congratulate you on keeping going, even if this is some version of a "new normal."

Sent by Renay | 10:09 AM ET | 04-23-2008

Leroy,

You just keep coming back. It's amazing to me and just the right thing for you as long as you feel like it. It also sounds like you aren't expecting to be what you were "bc." That's good as well because it can be a set up for disappointment. From where I sit, you are just where you should be - in your "new normal" - discovering the parameters.

Blessinbgs.

Sent by Diana Kitch | 10:59 AM ET | 04-23-2008

Leroy:You said before this is hard work and it is. But whether we admit it or not life is hard work. Don't think too much about the new normal just keep moving ahead even at turtle speed.May the Lords grace shine on us all.

Sent by Hal | 11:10 AM ET | 04-23-2008

Concur, You need to get outside. Give yourself a break from the thought kaleidoscope of cancer and gain the clearer prospective of an otherwise nice day. When nothing seems normal... Simplicity works.

Hold Fast

Don MacLeod

Sent by Don MacLeod | 11:14 AM ET | 04-23-2008

Elaine - I feel so for you. It is so hard. I hope your husband now has peace and regained a feeling of control over his destiny. I will be thinking of you all day.

Leroy: hang in there. One day at a time, my friend. Your body is recuperating one day at at time.

Sent by Liz L. | 11:46 AM ET | 04-23-2008

Dear Elaine

I am so sorry, but glad that you respect his choice, for that it what it is.

Sent by Donna | 12:07 PM ET | 04-23-2008

Elaine,
I feel for you as well. My father-in-law passed away a week ago while in hospice. He chose no treatment for his stage IV prostate cancer. He, too, felt more in control. He was absolutely certain of his choice.

I am sorry you have to go through this. God bless.

Sent by Kathleen, NJ | 12:19 PM ET | 04-23-2008

Leroy, It's true that most of us seem to be healing so much more slowly than BC. On the plus side for us, we get to savor and relish all of the intermediate steps in feeling better as they slowly come. I found yoga and tai chi as ways to help build back muscle and joint function, and flexibility. One of the first classes that I took for nearly a year had us doing poses and stretches seated on a chair, rather than standing or on the floor. I discovered that I could notice small changes rather quickly; and this helped with some of the psychological sense of healing. After that year I was able to increase my level of activity. I hope that the healing combination of your PT improvement and your optimism will become a regular part of your life, too.

To Elaine, your husband is so fortunate to have such a loving and understanding partner as you. Our prayers for comfort are with you.

Sent by Sheara | 12:45 PM ET | 04-23-2008

Keep on keeping on Leroy. Get a little fresh air and sunshine, something cold to drink, a good book and let the wind blow gently across your face. There is a little magic healing in some of the smallest things we sometimes take for granted. God Bless to all.

Sent by Teresa in WV | 2:08 PM ET | 04-23-2008

Hi Leroy,
Every day a little bit better. You've got your work cut out. All of us are pulling for you. Best to you.

Sent by Paulette | 2:57 PM ET | 04-23-2008

Leroy,
Thinking of what you have been through these past few months and what you are able to do now-you amaze me. I pray for you daily and hope that each day brings more "normal".

Elaine, I am so sorry about your husband. You guys are in my prayers as well.

Sent by Jen | 3:05 PM ET | 04-23-2008

Elaine

Prayers for you and your husband.

Sent by Irene | 3:13 PM ET | 04-23-2008

Don't pre judge where you think your PT will lead you in the future. How many times have you heard about the guy who was "never" suppose to walk again and is now running marathons? I personally have a brother in law was never suppose to be able to use his r arm after an accident,,but through hard work and perserverance is, almost, back to "normal", far better than anyone ever thought he would be. I am not saying you will be running marathons, but you may far exceed your own expectations. remember...attitude is everything.

Sent by Theresa Lovin | 3:22 PM ET | 04-23-2008

Oh Leroy, Thank you for your words today. I'm feeling very down right now, completely overwhelmed with my reccent news and your words were very comforting. Thank you. I would like to know how Laurie keeps on going. I feel so sorry for my husband who has to work everyday, in addition to taking care of me, put up with my you know what and never complains. God bless these saintly people.

Sent by Ruth White | 3:41 PM ET | 04-23-2008

Leroy,

I know you will get as far as you can.And, you will get lots of other people to go as far as they can with your message of Hope.

Elaine, I am sorry about your husband. You will be in my prayers

Sent by Marcy in NJ | 4:35 PM ET | 04-23-2008

Leroy, I am hoping your cancer flees from view, and you are diagnostically NED for ages to come. Never give up hope.

Sent by Alycia Keating | 4:37 PM ET | 04-23-2008

Leroy, Sometimes, I think, is this my new reality, then I realize, yes! dummy you are a cancer patient. Get rid of the walker, that alone will make you feel better. Run over it with the car, maybe a couple of times! We all must adjust to whatever comes, but to say it is hard, just isn't enough. This sucks! Stan

Sent by Stan Wozniak | 5:05 PM ET | 04-23-2008

Adapt, adjust..CANCER -- the big disrupter of lives. Hard to live with cancer and than go to workshops like where I work and they have rah rah sessions and posters on the wall saying "Embrace Change" --"see it as an opportunity for growth"! I want to rip them off the walls :-) I have had enough changes. thank you very much, and get tired of adapting, adjusting and bearing the pain of living in this body, but then what choice does one have when you consider the alternative. Soooo....you adapt, adjust and keep living each day as if it were on purpose!!

Sent by Jo Ann Baswell-Margate, FL | 7:25 PM ET | 04-23-2008

Leroy, you amaze me.

Elaine, I lost my husband of 37 years a year ago (lung cancer). So I can say "I know what you are feeling." Stay strong for your husband.
Prayers for all,
Jane

Sent by Jane from Arkansas | 8:55 PM ET | 04-23-2008

Elaine - I have walked in your shoes and know what a difficult road you are on. Looking back, I should have taken better care of myself - I still had to fight even after my husband's battle was over. Please, be kind to yourself - do what you need to do. You are in my prayers.

Sent by Jeanette Carney | 9:37 PM ET | 04-23-2008

To Elaine,
Now that your husband has made his decision, may peace settle in on both of you.

Sent by Paulette | 12:05 AM ET | 04-24-2008

I'M 47 FEMALE WITH NSC LUNG CANCER JUST FINISHED CHEMO RADIATION LOBECTOMY 2 MORE ROUNDS OF CHEMO AND NOW i'M TOLD TO HEAL. I want to know how long it takes to feel good again. I wake up tired and barely get myself washed, dressed and make myself a tea. Most of the day I sit and watch TV, by 8 I'm tired and I head back to bed. Is this normal?

Sent by antonella | 8:24 PM ET | 06-11-2008