What a chronicle of your life as it is now. It certainly gives us a real perspective of things.
While we have been forced to "stop" and notice what is going on around us......it certainly wouldn't hurt the rest of the population to do so too.
You are doing good Leroy. Never easy, but you are hanging on to every bit of strength you have to keep going. That is something to be proud of.
Prayers, Blessings and May The Grace Of God Be With You.
Wanda Amorose

Sent by Wanda Amorose | 7:43 AM ET | 04-02-2008

Beautiful, insightful post today, Leroy!

Sent by Amy in NJ | 7:43 AM ET | 04-02-2008

Good morning Leroy,

Have you tried a travel cup or mug for transporting your liquids while using the walker? Just a thought.

Nothing new to report, my dad's condo was dark as I checked before heading to work. I would not want to wake his care giver. He is vital to this process right now. I'll check at a more human hour, not everyone is an early bird like I am.

Sent by Sue Chap | 7:51 AM ET | 04-02-2008

Missed you yesterday Leroy because I was with my husband in the ER as he was treated (& later released). As he lay there,I had much time to think about how fragile our existence truly is and how important we were to each other.
This morning I read your message of yesterday and then, today's. Oh, what you are going through must be very much like our aging thoughts and experiences. The uncertinty, the fear, the unknowns, and the adapting to our new way of living. No more in charge and control of ourselves. Reliance on others. Yet how overwhelming my thoughts of love and devotion to my husband became when I thought of how fragile our time together was.
You must be so aware of this also, with your Laurie, your way of life, and what you are going through. Lost weight can be regained, disease can and should be defeated. Love and Memories are constant and cannot be taken away.
Hang on tight, bless Laurie and that walker, the home where you are familiar and in charge. Keep nagging on the doctors and researchers to help you by finding a cure instead of new "designer drugs". IF they KILL the cause of those tumors, you are still young enough to get on with your life and what you were born to do. Be strong Leroy!

Sent by J C R | 9:14 AM ET | 04-02-2008

Good morning Leroy. Do you hava an apron on your walker? It ties around and has pockets. I can carry a glass and a bottle in it. Also a book, my phone and a few other little things. It doesn't work for a bowl of cereal. Everything takes so much time and patience. Thinking of you and praying for you. Carol

Sent by Carol | 9:14 AM ET | 04-02-2008

I agree with Wanda - your perspective is an important contribution. If only I had your blog 6-11 years ago when my Mom was sick I would have been a much more understanding daughter... but I am sure she would get sick of me saying "I just read on Siever's blog..."

Sent by Liz L. | 9:17 AM ET | 04-02-2008

Have you tried Netflix - or getting DVDs of old TV shows - to get past the boring re-runs on TV? We have DVD sets of Red Skelton & The Bob Newhart Show. They are terrific Rxs for laughter and taking your mind away from everything for awhile.

Sent by Alice | 9:21 AM ET | 04-02-2008

Leroy,

Thank you for sharing your lows as well as your highs. Today sounded a little more down than you have been. The fighter is tired?

Just want you to know that I - and I believe everyone on this blog - will be with you, no matter how you feel.

Blessings

Sent by Diana Kitch | 9:26 AM ET | 04-02-2008

Hi Leroy- You've given me some good advice - like just telling most people you're "hanging in there". No grim details except to those who really ask.
So, knowing you're not exactly running an advice column, I'll chime in with a little advice of my own.
Carnation Instant Breakfast, the powder mixed with fresh milk, not the canned or boxed stuff, is pretty palatable. My husband makes one every night in a jelly jar, puts it in an insulated lunch bag with an ice pack and a straw, and sets it where I can reach it. If I'm wandering at night, or just up early, it's there ready to drink. And I've learned not to push myself to drink the whole thing. If a little nausea sets in after half, then that's it. Whole thing down, so much the better.
I never thought I'd have to work on stopping myself from losing weight, but things change.
Keep writing to us!

Sent by Ana | 9:28 AM ET | 04-02-2008

Hi Leroy,

The difficulties of a walker are not fun; BUT they are doable!!!! I believe that there are certain baskets for walkers - I seem to remember having one when I had a walker. Also, I believe that you wrote once about getting a very comfortable chair - I do not know about pain in the back - but with pain in the hip and knees, sleeping in a chair is oftentimes more comfortable. AND, you are so wise to notice every crack or crevice or flap of a rug - they can be treacherous! A few years ago I had two hip surgeries and upon returning to my best friend's home I realized that this wonderful home had NOT WIDE ENOUGH halls for a wheel chair - well, it did, but I did not want to hurt the walls or my fingers! Every room has that funny little whatever that you have to try so hard to get over. It makes life interesting and challenging. And to quote my beloved Mother, who is long gone, once you start complaining THAT IS A GOOD THING! Take care and know that good thoughts and many prayers are with you at all times.

Jan

Sent by JANICE GOLDBERG WHITE | 9:30 AM ET | 04-02-2008

yes, it's like seeing how to live in a different way. Seeing things that most people take for granted. Adjusting to a new way of living, for now anyway.
when i was in radiation treatment the assistant techs had towels and props for me all ready each day, to help with the uncomfortable table and head rest. I could time the buzzing noises and knew when i could move. It was an adjustment and when it was finished i actually missed going there and having my routine every day. I had a job. Life takes you to a different place sometimes. Like the old saying "the only thing you can count on in life is change"

Sent by Jenn | 9:37 AM ET | 04-02-2008

NINE to go, that's great!! It's less than ten anyway and a benchmark for ya. Thinking about you today a lot and thinking of all those in the cancer club who face challenges...God be with us all. Love from Sherri in Texas, BC dx 4-06

Sent by Sherri Eggleston | 9:55 AM ET | 04-02-2008

Leroy - may I make a small suggestion? Why don't you ask your most musical friends, musicians, afficionados, etc - to provide you with their favorite, most inspiring, most joyous, most calming, or whatever , music- then get a great set of earphones, and use this when you are in pain, sleepless or restless? It can really make a difference in your pain level and with your psyche in general - and can be really helpful when you have no attention span and no energy to follow anything for more than a brief time. I'm thinking especially of some grand classical music which can really feed and soothe the soul. Let it surround and fill you - even if this isn't your first music of choice, you might find something nourishing there. Just a thought - God bless, CHD

Sent by CaroleD | 10:00 AM ET | 04-02-2008

You need a different walker. My relative has one that has a front basket fitted with a clear plastic liner that has a cup holder just like in a car. It is good for her to be able to go to the kitchen and get her own drink, especially one that needs ice cubes, because she can still hold onto the walker if she has the cup in a holder. Hers has a bicycle bell on it, too, and that's been handy sometimes.

Like any other expedition, the right gear will make all the difference!

Here's hoping that today is a good day for you, Leroy. I enjoy your blog and look forward to what you have to say.

Sent by Celeste | 10:31 AM ET | 04-02-2008

Less in front then behind.
Keep going.

Sent by Brit | 10:43 AM ET | 04-02-2008

Leroy, you can buy a tray that attaches to your walker. Find the brand and call around. I did it for my mother and it really helped her getting her life back. She was then able to get things out of the frig and able to cook and move her stuff around the house. It will help I/m sure. It ain't easy all of this, but your fight is inspirational.

Sent by Susan Wilson | 10:47 AM ET | 04-02-2008

Leroy-you are right before when you said TV and cable in general is a wasteland. No good shows anymore. What has happened, have we changed or TV? Complaining seems to do no good.Keep writing because you have an interesting perspective we need.
You are coping and that is all that matters at the moment. May the Lords grace and mercy shine on you.

Sent by Hal | 10:48 AM ET | 04-02-2008

Dear Leroy,
May God give you strength, love and faith to sustain you through this nightmare you are going through. You have had your fair share..........when does it stop? When do you get to spend a little quality time? I wonder! It seems as if every day holds a new surprise. Prayers to all.

Sent by Sasha | 11:27 AM ET | 04-02-2008

Yeah, I can remember how, in my pre-cancer days, I used to be a little squeamish about needles. If I had to have a blood test, I'd need to carefully compose myself beforehand, as I sat their waiting for (and dreading) the sharp prick of pain. Now, after several years as a lymphoma patient, I hardly give 'em a second thought - be they the tiny blood-test needles, or the thicker port-flush and IV needles. Has my pain threshold changed? Or, was what I was dealing with before more of a psychological obstacle? I suppose that, given enough time, we can get used to just about anything. (Not that I'd recommend the experience, of course.)

Carl Wilton

Sent by Carl Wilton | 11:32 AM ET | 04-02-2008

Hi Leroy:
I have mentioned this quote several times during your two+ years of treatments, and it still rings true:
"Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of
arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to
skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly
proclaiming-Wow, what a ride!"
Now I'll add my own thoughts, based on that quotation:
The Tree of Life

If I must live my season
As a leaf on the Tree of Life
Please let me be a leaf that lives on the edge.

Let me see the sun, let me see the stars,
Let me feel the wind, let me feel the rain,
I want no sheltered place in the middle.

Too much sun may burn me,
Too much wind may tear me,
And leaf-miners may tunnel within me.

But o, how I will have lived!
a life full of blossoms, a life full of thorns,
Leaving nothing more for this heart to taste.

Namaste,
Don

Sent by don winslow | 11:41 AM ET | 04-02-2008

Dear Leroy,

You are always my family's thoughts. We read your column faithfully. There is something, if you haven't thought of, already, that I think might give you some relief. There are memory foam mattress
toppers that help many people with pain. Temper-Pedic is the Name Brand, but there are other good manufacturers.

At the moment Overstock.com is selling various Sealy toppers for less money than the Temper-Pedic. I would get one that is at least 2' thick, no less than than a 4 lb. density. I got mine at Costco, inexpensively. When I get another, I will probably get one that's 3" and 5lb. density, but then one of my flaws is a that if x is good than x +1 is better.

I hope this suggestion is of help. If not, just know that my family cares.

Sincerely, Christine Quint

Sent by Christine Quint | 12:23 PM ET | 04-02-2008

Leroy - do you know how many friends you have here who support you and think of you every day as you travel down this path? Do you know that we are all with you on this journey and will continue to be here for you? I realize you do know - I just wanted to remind you once again - we are all here for you and for each other.

Sent by Deb from Michigan | 12:47 PM ET | 04-02-2008

Dear Leroy
My husband has just finished 25 radiation treatments on his brain (he has lymphoma) and at first the daily treatments seemed endless. He is starting to get stronger but it's slow progress and he gets frustrated sometimes. He would spend many hours not able to sleep and he watched lots of Cold Case Files with Dr. Henry C. Lee. They kept him going through hours of dark sleepless nights. Our border collie, Martin, would stay by his side the whole time on the floor-this was devotion as Martin loves to be on his fleece blankie on our bed. All of us, including Martin, are thinking of you and sending you our love. Thank you for sharing your days with us.
Tina in Alton IL

Sent by Tina | 1:15 PM ET | 04-02-2008

Leroy, The human animal has almost limitless ability to adjust. These circumstances are ones we would rather not face, but face them we do, and do our best to overcome. I still think a beach in Hawaii with a drink and a tiny umbrella is far preferable to a cold hard treatment table. Take yourself to that beach remember how the sun warmed you. Only a few left!!
Hang in there, Stan

Sent by Stan Wozniak | 1:23 PM ET | 04-02-2008

Hang in there Leroy.

Sent by Jane | 1:45 PM ET | 04-02-2008

The road to wellness is not as long as it once was......Hang tight my friend...you are making progress. Love and Prayers.

Sent by Teresa in WV | 1:56 PM ET | 04-02-2008

Only nine left! Hooray!

Sent by Marcy in NJ | 4:03 PM ET | 04-02-2008

Hey Leroy,
Do you know about putting a basket on the front of your walker? I'm sure you do. Also it's easier to carry liquids in a bottle than in a glass. Nine left. Good for you!

Sent by Paulette | 5:51 PM ET | 04-02-2008

Hopefully after the "nine" you can toss the walker... patience my friend - remember -- each day has enough in it for the average person, for we cancer people.some days seem more "enough!" than others. Be kind to yourself and those around you :-) xxoo

Sent by Jo Ann Baswell-Margate, FL | 7:03 PM ET | 04-02-2008

Be well, Leroy. You speak for so many people with cancer. And for those of us supporting those people, you say the things that we need to hear to help our loved ones. Thank you.

Sent by Colleen | 7:41 PM ET | 04-02-2008

I love your relentless sense of humor! Where would we all be without those everyday t.v. shows? And how did I live this long before becoming hooked on Law & Order? :-)

Sent by Joyce | 8:14 PM ET | 04-02-2008

Larry its really good to read honest words . I just recently started to follow your story, and I was wondering have you done much research on Radiation Hormesis? If you look into it is really exciting, my piano teacher from childhood has a tumor growing on her face and started Radiation Hormesis and 4 months later the doctors are shocked at her condition, no cancer growth at all. Anyway I look forward to reading how your treatments go. God bless.

Sent by Cisco | 8:45 PM ET | 04-02-2008

Hello, Leroy,
When my dad had non-hodgkins lymphoma and went on heavy pain meds toward the end, he would sleep most of the day, and be awake late at night. We would watch reruns of "The Honeymooners" and "All in the Family" and old movies. He was a sucker for anything with Bogart or Cagney - the tough guys always appealed to him, most likely because he was a tough guy, too. Anyway, find whatever show makes you laugh or smile or escape for a bit and just go with the flow, preferably with a companion who will laugh at the same time you do. By the way, we rented my dad one of those chairs where the seat rises to meet your behind, and then lowers you to the level you want. When you want to get up, the seat lifts you back to a standing position. It was a godsend for him, since (Mr. Tough Guy again) he never wanted anyone to help him. But it made his life more manageable for him - you may want to check this out.
Today it is bitterly cold upstate in New York where I live, but this morning I passed a house where the entire front yard was a pool of brilliant, electric blue: a whole lawn of scylla, waving in the cold wind. Just wanted to share this sign of spring with you, Leroy.

Sent by Susan Crawford | 9:14 PM ET | 04-02-2008

Leroy,
I hope the 9 left are boosts and target more specific areas. Maybe that will be less painful? I read your posts and feel such a connection to you. I wish I could come visit and distract you from cancer for a short time. Keep going Leroy. BIG but gentle HUGS. Jennifer

Sent by Jennifer in CA | 12:59 AM ET | 04-03-2008

I have to agree with Alice. Netflix is a great thing. An enormous selection of every DVD you can imagine in every genre including the old TV shows. It's always a treat when the next one arrives in the mail. We have thoroughly enjoyed getting to see Leave it to Beaver, I Love Lucy(remember that wonderful scene with Lucy and Ethel at the conveyer belt in a candy factory???), even Mr. Ed. Such fun.
Guaranteed to brighten your day. I promise!

Sent by Linnea | 6:01 AM ET | 04-03-2008