It is kind of like knowing your are really tired, and them someone telling you how tired you look. Been there at least.

I would like to reflect back on yesterday's posting by Leroy... fearing the inevitable.

I must say after the events of yesterday, I no longer fear life's final journey. My knight in shining armor, my dad died peacefully yesterday. My sister and I were with him. He has been unresponsive since Tuesday to voices,had some pain when moved, because of stiffness. Yesterday, he was in another plane or place. Somewhere where there was no pain, problems, or trouble. Our Pastor came, said a prayer near his bed. She had just left. He smiled twice, and was gone. Very peaceful...

To all I appreciate the words of encouragement during this time. To Laura a new friend, thank you for reaching out.

To my dad... I love you and know you are with mom walking on a warm beach.

Sent by Sue Chap | 7:38 AM ET | 04-04-2008

WOW, well said! Its funny, I just said to a friend that I was waiting for this roller coaster to stop, I wanted to get off this ride. I have been on it long enough and my life has changed so dramatically. Now, I try to look forward to whats ahead of me.....Hang in there Leroy, we are all with you!
Continued prayers for all of you!
Sue Chap, we are with you too!

Sent by Laurie Hirth | 7:40 AM ET | 04-04-2008

Good Morning Leroy! You sound a bit better this morning and I am so glad of that. It sometimes seems that yours is more of a "race" against cancer rhan of a "battle". Are they chasing your cancer and if that is so, then it would seem best if you got back to the PT so you are fit to outrun it. You are truly amazing though the way you manage to keep ahead of it.
My husband is having his 87th Birthday today! I cancelled out reservations at a nice, local resturant because yesterday his Urologist fitted him with a Cathater for a week because of extreme swelling in his legs, and today they will do tests on him to try to decide if he has Prostate Cancer or just a very enlarged gland. Lord, what a Birthday for him, yet he, like you Leroy, is taking it all with calm and dignity. HEY-- we are still together after all these years and we shall go down this road together!
You and Laurie will understand I know.
Have a good day and a better weekend Leroy. You have your work cut out for you with the Therapist! Love and support!

Sent by J C R | 7:45 AM ET | 04-04-2008

Leroy:

Although your body might be weaker than it had been I can tell you are feeling stronger in other ways. There were days, not too long ago, were it seemed like such an effort for you to post. I am very glad you persisted and did. Your posts are longer these days and I hope that indicates you are feeling better on some level.

Sent by Kathy | 7:48 AM ET | 04-04-2008

To Sue Chap, Your unfolding story of care for your father has been one of love, dignity and celebration of life. Thank you for sharing with us, and teaching by example.

Leroy, we are hanging in here with you...one more week while the tumors are being zapped (that's forward progress!) and then the rest of your body can begin to catch up.

Sent by Sheara | 8:28 AM ET | 04-04-2008

...or maybe at the bottom of the hill you get a giant wave of cold water in your face and a hidden camera snaps your picture while some hairy character dances around....or maybe I've just been to Disney too many times. Keep your hands up Leroy and scream real loud!

Thinking of you....

Sent by Sue in Rochester | 8:31 AM ET | 04-04-2008

Dear Leroy,
As challenged as you are, you still write a GREAT page! I am riveted by your words every day. Thank you for sharing your journey with the beast. We are all learning a lot.
Be strong!
We love you.

Sent by Radha Speer | 8:35 AM ET | 04-04-2008

Keep on keeping on Leroy. I do admire your spirit. You are sounding stronger these days. Even though physically feeling weaker the therapy should help you to keep your strength. I am glad also that they are helping you with dealing with pain management.

I hope where you are at that it is a beautiful sunny day. You and Laurie try to have a good weekend. Try to rest a bit.

Sent by dorothy in oregon | 8:37 AM ET | 04-04-2008

My sincere sympathy Sue Chap on the loss of your father. But then you sound so level headed and your love trancends all else. He was obviously aware of what a special daughter he had in you. Yes, I can see your Dad & Mom walking along that warm beach and I do hope that they may meet up with my folks along their stroll. Peace and Love Sue!

Sent by J C R | 8:43 AM ET | 04-04-2008

Leroy,
One step can be good enough for now.
Keep running,walking, crawling or dragging yourself along.

Sent by Brit | 8:49 AM ET | 04-04-2008

Good Morning Leroy, Laurie and All,

Leroy, You are so right! Cancer is a roller coaster ride filled with hills, valleys and turns with very few level areas. It's really hard to catch your breath sometimes. And we will use whatever devises we need to climb those hills and keep going!

To Laurie and Tom and all the other caregivers, We know that you are on this roller coaster with us for without you we would not be able to stay on board. THANK YOU, for being there!!

To Sue Chap, I'm sending prayers of comfort for your loss. It is a beautiful thought picturing your Mom and Dad on a warm beach enjoying each other. I cried as I read it.

To Ron Bye, Thanks for the chocolates and smiley face, Ron!

To All, As we all face Cancer, we are on the ride of a lifetime. And together we will help each other and hold on TIGHT! I too, am on a downhill slope right now. The uterine cancer is back and so is the skin cancer. So I feel like I am back to square one. I had the dreaded colonoscopy yesterday. One of the staff members in the procedure room asked me how I liked the prep. I told him that I collected some extra "Frequent Flier Miles" and he laughed! Now I'm waiting to hear from the cancer research nurse to see when I can start the clinical trial for an antiangiogenesis drug to try to put the brakes on the spread of the cancer, so I can climb that next hill. But, as Leroy said yesterday, Cancer better watch out, because we are not done fighting it yet! God Bless!!

Eileen Pruyne
Charlotte, NC.

Sent by Eileen Pruyne | 9:01 AM ET | 04-04-2008

Sue Chap, Prayers are with you and your sister. Losing a parent is very hard. Age does not matter. I am still trying to heal from the loss of my Dad in August.
Leroy, what to say. One step ahead of the other and keep walking. Maintain your dignity too at all costs. That is the ultimate thing cancer cannot take from us.
I was fortunate this week. A biopsy came back benign. I thank God.
Rest, and have a good weekend. So many books to be read!!!
Prayers, Blessings and May The Grace Of God Be With You.
Wanda Amorose

Sent by Wanda Amorose | 9:16 AM ET | 04-04-2008

Leroy - I, along with so many out there, can relate perfectly to what you said so eloquently - you are on a roller coaster, and all you can do is hang on tight and keep focused. I, too, hoped that there would be a small moment when my husband and I could catch our breath before we approached the top of the ride, before going down so quickly that you can feel it in your belly down the way; ours was not to be. My advice to you is to hang on tight (both to your seat and your lovely Laurie) and savor every moment. You are a strong man and will be able to rid yourself of the walker again. My prayers go out to you every day for strength. I sometimes think that you have no idea what strength you have exhibited every day on this blog by sharing what living in cancer world is like. God bless!

Sent by Jeanette Carney | 9:19 AM ET | 04-04-2008

Dear Leroy,

Hang in there, as I know you have, and will. Peace, comfort and healing be with you all.

Sent by Connie | 9:21 AM ET | 04-04-2008

Leroy, I'd say your use of the metaphor brought it all home to me. We thought my husband's cancer surgery in November "all clean edges!" was the end of the chemo nightmare and the beginning of just surgery recovery. Then our stomachs dropped in March at news of "something of concern on the CAT scan and cancer activity in your blood work". Back down again. Holding on for dear life. We're just riding along in another car, Leroy. Plese keep showing us how to cope.

Sent by Debbie | 9:27 AM ET | 04-04-2008

Oh Leroy, please don't give up hope. Please. I know sometimes you feel too tired to deal with this anymore, but try to keep looking forward. Who knows what tomorrow will bring for any of us. Your metaphore of a roll coaster is right on. It seems like in the back of our minds we wonder how this will all come out in the wash, but with our son I wanted more time and couldn't get it in my head that there was a possibility that he may not win this fight. I still had hope. It seems with cancer that hope is the only thing it can't take away from you, so please keep hoping for the best and know you have so many people praying for you and cheering you on. You are not alone.

God bless you Leroy.

Judy

Sent by Judy Voller | 9:40 AM ET | 04-04-2008

To Sue Chap, my sympathies to you and your family at the loss of your father. After being a caregiver it takes time to accept the quiet of not having to do that anymore. Peace by with you and know that God is with you at this difficult time.

God bless you.

Judy

Sent by Judy Voller | 9:45 AM ET | 04-04-2008

Dear Leroy
You continue to amaze me with your determination and positive drive. I truly don't know what it is like to be in your shoes, but if ever I am walking the same type of road I hope to show the same fierce and tenacious spirit that you do. Hugs

Sent by Alycia Keating | 10:00 AM ET | 04-04-2008

You're about 10 feet tall to my eyes. Wish they'd raised the cancer roller coaster height requirement.

Hold Fast

Sent by Don MacLeod | 10:07 AM ET | 04-04-2008

Isn't it astonishing that we all still think of cancer as a "being", hanging on our backs every day....even when we're better. Leroy, you are so wonderful at putting into words what most of us feel. Thank you again.

Sent by Tammy | 10:16 AM ET | 04-04-2008

Leory,
You are an amazing man. I always hated roller coasters, but once you are on you are committed to the end! You sound like you are handling all of these issues so well. Thanks for sharing your strength!
Sue, I am sorry for your loss. It is so hard to lose a parent.
Charlotte in Rural Ridge, PA

Sent by Charlotte Kewish | 10:18 AM ET | 04-04-2008

Dear Sue Chap,
Sorry for the loss of your father. You truly gave him and yourself a great gift by being present and attending to him before, during and now after his death. Peace to you and your family. Please continue to "send a comment".

Sent by Marge from Texas | 10:25 AM ET | 04-04-2008

Sue Chap - my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Leroy - hang in there!!! You will make it past this hill too!!! The roller coaster of life has many hills -with cancer you have a few more to get over. You will get over them!!! One hill at a time.

Sent by Deb from Michigan | 10:29 AM ET | 04-04-2008

Great post today.It makes me think how life is a roller coaster ride. We all want a smooth ride,but it never works that way.We just need to plug ahead and be grateful for what we have and have had. Grace be with you.

Sent by Hal | 10:37 AM ET | 04-04-2008

To Sue Chap,
Prayers to you, your family and those who loved your father.
Sasha, are you ok???

Sent by bettye | 10:42 AM ET | 04-04-2008

Leroy,
It would be so easy to be a defeatist, yet you continue to show such strength. Thank you for that.

Sue, very sorry to hear about your dad. I lost my father 6 years ago. I know how much you must hurt. God bless.

Sent by Kathleen, NJ | 10:51 AM ET | 04-04-2008

You are so right about the rollercoaster. Keep getting stronger with the physical therapy - it is worth it, though I know it is hard. We are with you. Sue - my sympathy for your sad loss. I know how painful a time this must be for you too.

Sent by Tina in Alton, IL | 11:14 AM ET | 04-04-2008

Leroy, I've been asked on many occasions what the worse part of cancer is. I always say "The emotional roller coaster you're on." Hang in there, the next part of the ride will be better.

Sent by Roxi | 11:26 AM ET | 04-04-2008

Leroy, hang in there and take a break this weekend and keep pushing forward. Prayer is a powerful thing and there are so many of us praying for you. I went for my scheduled 4 month scans for Renal Cell Cancer (mets to both lung fields) Wednesday and no new cancer. I just keep praying for more time!! I pray for our cancer family daily. I have been at this for four years. Was orginally given 8 to 12 months to live before entering a clinical trial.

Look forward to hearing from you Monday!!!

Love to all,
Betty Lewis

Sent by Betty K. Lewis | 11:28 AM ET | 04-04-2008

Leroy -

As we ride that roller coaster, we hold our breaths the entire way up, and scream all the way down.

Cancer also reminds me of a carousel - sometimes the ride is slow and easy, other times it seems out of control and you hold on for dear life so you don't get flung off into oblivion. Along the way there are always ups and downs, and we're always going in a circle. I envy Mary Poppins - being able to guide her horse off the carousel and across the park. But maybe that control is what the end of our journey will bring.

Due to a miscommunication, I spent several days last week believing I was NED. Turns out that isn't the case, but those were sweet days. For a moment, I stopped to listen to the carousel music, and the brass ring was in sight.

Here's to more ups than downs for you, Leroy - and for us all.

Sent by Patte | 11:48 AM ET | 04-04-2008

Sue Chap, So very sorry about the loss of your Father; you were both lucky to have each other and to have had such a close relationship at the end. Sincere sympathy to you and your sister and although the loss is so great, I am sure that the memories of a lifetime are greater.

Leroy, G-d bless you and the strength that you have with all of this. You are absolutely, the strongest and most incredible person I know of. You do not like what you are going through - thank G-d for small favors! - but you report it and you don't really complain - you just tell what is happening and how you feel about it. And we all pray for you and the miracle that we want so very much for you!

Take care and love to Laurie. Have a good weekend and G-d bless you.

Jan

Sent by Janice Goldberg White | 11:55 AM ET | 04-04-2008

Dear Leroy and friends,
I have been a lurker but today's messages brought me out. 14 years ago when I first was diagnosed with my breast cancer, I told my family that the image of us plunging to the dark of a bottomless pit on an out of control roller coaster seemed to fill my mind. In the Steve Martin movie "Parenthood" there is a wonderful speech about Life being like a roller coaster and if you can learn to throw your hands up in the air and yell WHEE you will feel better, and if you have faith that the car won't jump the tracks, the views from the top can be amazing. The VERY first meeting with my oncologist, he said, "Have you ever seen the movie "Parenthood"? and the analogy about a roller coaster?" I knew then I had the right doctor for me. Since then, I have lost my father, younger sister, mother, and mother in law to cancer, had my bc metastasize, had six other close family members deal with cancer...it certainly has been a ride we haven't gotten off. But you know, there are other "rides" I really haven't been on and DON'T want to, so I keep on trying to enjoy the view from the top, even knowing those gut wrenching plunges to the bottom are always around the corner.
Blessings on all of you who share here, especially those whose family's ride has finally come into the Station.
Doodles of strong and healing hugs,
Ann, Blacksburg, VA

Sent by Ann Van Tassell | 12:11 PM ET | 04-04-2008

Leroy,

Well, if cancer is a beast, you are certainly a match for it! Your spirit SHINES.

Blessings

Sent by Diana Kitch | 12:20 PM ET | 04-04-2008

Leroy,

A few years ago I went to Busch Gardens in Virginia with my girls. They wanted to ride all the scary rollercoasters again and again. I went along, hating to be scared of it, and by the end we were waiting in the line for the front seats, nothing else would do. Funny, how the more times you go up, the less scary it is. I think there is some correlation with the rollercoaster of fighting cancer. I'm looking forward some day to going to Cedar Point - I hear they've got some excellent 'coasters there!

Sent by Marcia | 12:40 PM ET | 04-04-2008

Leroy,
I hope the radiation treatments will lead to a long period of remission for you. You amaze me with all that you have endured. I am so thankful for you.
Sue Chap, I am so sorry about your father. You are in my prayers. Sasha, I am praying for you and your family.

Sent by Jen | 12:47 PM ET | 04-04-2008

Dear Leroy,
Hang on tight Leroy. You know about those bad twist and curves! May God Bless You.

Sent by Sasha | 1:04 PM ET | 04-04-2008

I'm an avid NPR listener and back in the summer after hearing you, I became a daily reader of your blog. I kept asking myself why was I so interested in your journey and wondered if cancer would effect my life.

After partially rebounding from a multi-stroke and mild heart attack this summer, my mother learned that she has primary peritoneal carcinoma. Surgery revealed an inoperable tumor and complications during recovery have left her with no reserve to handle any form of treatment.

So may be the reason I became attached to your daily updates was to see that some people are able to participate in battle and take control away from this disease. Even if the victory is temporary, it is still a win to savor.

Although your battle may be exhausting and mentally draining, know that your publicized journey brings hope to those who share a similar battle, and for those who cannot fight, you represent the determined combat they want to cheer on.

Sent by Sue | 1:06 PM ET | 04-04-2008

Leroy, Being in front is better tahn playing catch-up. Cancer does not give breaks. One can hope for them, but they are rare indeed. Lossing strenget is a disappointment but was to be expected. Still I agree with you, I don't want to give anything back either. Slow and steady, Stan

Sent by Stan Wozniak | 1:13 PM ET | 04-04-2008

I just read yesterday's posting. My mother--who was the wisest person I have ever known--said she thought death would be a "learning experience". I cannot say I believe, but I hope there is a heaven because she deserved it.

Sent by Tara | 1:27 PM ET | 04-04-2008

you've been handed a kind of endurance sport, haven't you? a not-very-fun one. but other commenters have really nailed it. like an endurance athlete, you're pacing yourself, attending to your energy outgo, and presumably, nibbling a certain amount of the time to keep up the reserves. i wish you comfort and good, restful sleep to prepare you for the next leg.

Sent by mary | 1:40 PM ET | 04-04-2008

I know what you're going through since i am in my 5th year of fighting this beast. Like you I get very fatigued and sometimes just want to give up...but then I say: NO WAY! I am not giving into it!! Good luck Leroy! Sue

Sent by sue | 2:07 PM ET | 04-04-2008

To Sue Chap, my mom died on Valentine's Day this year after a struggle. She had been my dad's best friend, only love and companion for close to 57 years. She chose the right day to leave us all with the love in her heart. My thoughts and wishes to you and your sister.

Leroy, I think we are all on a roller coaster ride called life. You may have punched the extreme ride version ticket. Hold on and keep your spirit up in the dips and shout out on the highs.

Sent by Pat Z | 2:11 PM ET | 04-04-2008

Leroy- You bring tears to my eyes with your insight and spirit. Thank you for sharing so much of yourself.

Sent by linda h. | 2:22 PM ET | 04-04-2008

It is all part of a never-ending growth spurt, isn't it, Leroy? Just sometimes it gets our attention a bit more vividly. Love the image of you with your hands in the air and the wind in your hair. You've always been willing to step into adventurous territory. We prize the way you process each step of the journey, and share some of your thoughts with the wider world. You deepen us all by extension.

Sent by Sarah | 2:55 PM ET | 04-04-2008

This comment is for Sue Chap...It is so hard to know what you are going through. I, too, just lost my hero, my everything (my dad), on Dec 14th. I was there until he took his last breath by his bedside. He was unresponsive as well for 2.5 weeks and it was painful for him we knew it as he tried to move each and every way but not being able to say anything to us. God did give us a last chance while dad was in ICU "unresponsive", he did have one good day, where he was "alert" and we could ask him stuff and he could "respond" to us by blinking his eyes....I asked him so many times if he loved me (what a silly question...lol) and i told him how much i loved him and what a strong, hero, beautiful, and so much more, person he was. It meant the world to me for God to give us that one last chance to have him respond to us in any way possible and have him see his whole family there with him one last time. And though they know you are there until their last moment with us here on earth, they are just not able to respond. Losing my dad was the biggest thing I could not have EVER prepared enough for...how could you?! I am getting married in May, and the closer it gets the harder it is to know that my hero, my "wind beneath my wings" will not physcially be there as me and him always dreamed and talked about.

Stay strong Sue during these difficult times and when you think you can't handle it or you can't do this anymore, just find that inner strength (trust me it is in there for you) to lift you up as best as you can.

You are in my thoughts and prayers and so is your family and your dad! Like you said he is walking with your mom. That is what I say of my dad he is now up there in heaven with his dad and dad in law gambling away!!!

Stay strong. We stay behind and we hurt more because we are constantly reminded of the "bad" things we saw our loved one go through, but that only makes us stronger and the bond grow stronger...you never lose that bond.

I don't want to keep rambling on...so I will go now.

Take care

Sent by Cristina Gonzalez, Tampa, Florida | 4:28 PM ET | 04-04-2008

Larry, just don't spill your popcorn on that ride.

Take care,
Dave

Sent by Dave Utrata | 5:04 PM ET | 04-04-2008

Thinking of you, Leroy. I check on you each week day via your blog. In fact, it is one of the first things I do in the evening when I come home from work. Wishing you much peace, healing, and hope.

Sent by LR | 5:20 PM ET | 04-04-2008

It was good to hear from Sasha and our thoughts and prayers are with you Sue as your father begins another journey, and Leroy, again, you put it so well.

Sent by Lucy Groh | 6:10 PM ET | 04-04-2008

In the few weeks that our brother was in hospice, my sister and I read Final Gifts: Understanding the Special Awareness, Needs, and Communications of the Dying. The book was written by two hospice nurses, Maggie Callanan and patricia Kelley. It was a gift to us from our cousin, who is a hospice nurse. A more beautiful, helpful and timely gift I can hardly imagine. It allowed us to understand what our brother might be needing and communicating during those last weeks when he really wasn't talking, although he certainly wasn't silent. I highly recommend the book to anyone seeking to understand how family members can "be" with one another at this most difficult time.

Sent by Marion Lane, Cobleskill New York | 6:31 PM ET | 04-04-2008

I hate rollercoasters. But you're right, that's what being in cancer world can feel like. Good for you for building up your strength before radiation and best wishes for climbing back up that hill afterwards.

Sent by N.R. | 6:44 PM ET | 04-04-2008

Hold your arms up in the air and scream away like crazy. In fact, yell, "Wheeeee!" while you are at it. You are the best! Thank you! :-)

Sent by Joyce | 8:05 PM ET | 04-04-2008

I know it's easy for me to say this and I don't care what you think of it: Never and I mean NEVER let the Beast think it's got the upper hand. Kick it's rear end every step of the way. "Some say the empire is dead; I say the empire strikes back." George Clinton

Sent by KAD | 9:32 PM ET | 04-04-2008

Leroy,
God bless you. No matter where you are in your feelings about your fight, no matter how high or low, please know how many people are with you in prayers.

Sent by Beth S. , Louisville, Ky | 9:42 PM ET | 04-04-2008

Leroy,
My wish for you today is a pain-free, peaceful week-end with Laurie by your side.
Sue Chap, so sorry about your dad.
Debbie, I too know the "up and down" news with those scans. At one point, after a "clean" scan, Leon told me "I don't know who's scan they are looking at". You see, he knew! That was in November, and by February, the beast was back with a vengenance. Cancer took him from me a year ago.
Did I mention that I HATE CANCER?
Jane

Sent by Jane from Arkansas | 11:03 PM ET | 04-04-2008

Leroy,
Thank you for being so honest. I learn so much from you. Does writing help you to deal with this? Does sharing your feelings and thoughts make it any less overwhelming? I just wonder what helps. Sending much love. Jennifer

Sent by Jennifer in CA | 11:23 PM ET | 04-04-2008

To Sue Chap and her sister:
I'm so sorry!!! ;'(

Sent by Mary | 11:33 PM ET | 04-04-2008

Leroy,
I subscribed to your blog for a while but then TimeWarner bought Adelphia and my email address changed and, well, you know how all that goes. So today for some reason I thought to check into your blog and see how you are doing. I admit that I held my breath waiting the few seconds it took for the blog to appear--having gone through the experience of cancer with my brother, I know a lot can happen in a few months. Of course I was thrilled when I saw that the post was dated yesterday. And I just wanted to pass along to you that although you mention being discouraged at having gotten physically weaker from the radiation treatments, I wanted you to know that you sound a LOT stronger mentally than you did in the last post I read a while ago. I resubscribed and plan to keep reading for a long time!
Cheryl

Sent by Cheryl Kimball | 7:00 AM ET | 04-05-2008

Dear Leroy and others (Sue Chap, Cristina and all),
Woody Allen is right about "the dying part" - as he is about a lot of things. I think that's the aspect of the end of living that scares us all. But then there's Dylan thomas, who tells us "Do not go gently into that good night / Rage, rage against the dying of the light". Living fiercely and living fully and living fearlessly in the face of illness is a lot to be dealing with, but Leroy, you're pretty darn good at it by all I can tell. And when my dad passed from non-Hodgkins lymphoma, he had fought his fight on his own terms. My friend Ingrid, at the end, said it was just a question of "moving the battle lines" and marching toward the next bivouac, and not of "giving in" or "giving up". Sue Chap and Cristina, your losses are new and raw, and as Cristina rightly pointed out, what you feel is all mixed up with the memories of a loved one going through an ordeal where as musch as you could do - - - it wasn't enough to shield them. You both are in my thoughts. Stay strong and give time a chance to work its miracles for you. I've gotten there in respect to my dad, and I am working toward getting there with Ingrid.
Meantime, Leroy, the thing that occurs in reading your thoughts from 4/4 is the image of the hands-up part of the rollercoaster ride - the fun part that just scares the heck out of you, and exhilarates you at the same time. Ride that coaster, buddy, and we'll all be waving at you, and celebrating for you.

Sent by Susan Crawford | 11:16 AM ET | 04-05-2008

Hi Leroy,
I've been silent for a few weeks, as I've moved in with my 84 yr old mother in NC 2 1/2 wks ago. She's fallen three times since I've been here, and ended up in the ER with a broken toe and a massive hematoma on her hip last Sunday night. So, what with moving, trying to get the condo organized and safe, and taking care of mom, I've been really busy. Add to that, I've been unable to get my computer hooked up. I'm hopeful for Wed.
I'm sorry to hear of the pushmepullyou that you've been going through with rads and PT. There is nothing to do but do it, as you're doing. I wish everyone here well, and look forward to daily internet access, and less disarray in my and my moms' lives.

Sent by Nancy K Clark | 2:11 PM ET | 04-05-2008

To Sue Chap.. I too send my sympathy on your loss. Time lessens the hurt, but not the void one feels. May God provide comfort and a sense of peace to you and your sister.

To Leroy ~ I heard another metaphor the other day..actually it's for life. That we are on rails, like a train track -- can't avoid obstacles, but stay on the track rolling over, around, and through. We sometimes plunge through tunnels and come out into the light at the other end... chugging harder, but steadily stronger for the adversity. Maybe not physically, but stronger inwardly nevertheless. You will make it through this fatigue we all tend to feel after radiation. Slowly but surely, you will "keep on track". Love your writing, you are a blessing to many!

Sent by Jo Ann Baswell-Margate, FL | 5:00 PM ET | 04-05-2008

Leroy, I'm so glad that you are doing well as can be during your radiation. I need your help and support right now. We've been togeher for a couple of years now in our struggles and I am about to go still another battle once again. I too thought that I was on the road to recovery until last Saturday, I was sitting in the living room and seized out. I was rushed to the ER and it was discovered that I have a brain tumor, surgery is Thursday morning. I am having a hell of a time writig this since I can't see very well but I wanted you to know about my surgery and ask for your support as well as everyone else on this blog. Please pray that all goes well. I pray for you everyday.

Sent by Ruth White | 7:42 PM ET | 04-05-2008

Those who know say that the whole battle of Ironman is to never give in and give up because there will be times, many, when you will want to sit down, give up and give in to the pain.

Finishing that race seems like a really huge accomplishment of body and spirit; until I read your blog and think about your race and your persistence and courage. I am humbled.

Sent by Rose Patterson | 11:51 AM ET | 04-06-2008

Sue Chap, blessings to your father and so sorry for your loss.
Leroy, I know you'll just keep stepping forward. Understand about the steps going backwards sometimes. I'm 1.5 yrs in remission. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever regain the old strength (am in late 50's). I'm grateful to have many good days but then I hit the wall of fatigue, like today. It's just a little reminder things aren't the same.

Sent by Dorothy - Los Angeles | 10:29 PM ET | 04-06-2008

Sue Chap I'm so sorry to hear about your father. Thanks for sharing about his final days. It helps to hear how peaceful it was.

Roller coasters are a good reference for me. When I was first diagnosed I arranged to meet a friend at a restaurant. I knew she had worked for hospice so was expecting her to be supportive. At that point the doctor had done his "pallative care" six months speech. I was so prepared for this quiet path. My friend said, "I think you will be surprised that this will be more of a roller coaster than you think." She was so right, I know now three years later. So once again, the roller coaster beats the alternative. Peace.

Sent by Dona | 11:54 PM ET | 04-06-2008

Hi Leroy,
Your blog today reminds me of the song named 'Life gets real', written and sung by Ann Reed.
It's a fitting tune. Thanks for the reminder.
Tally

Sent by Tally | 5:46 AM ET | 04-07-2008