Hi Leroy

This mornings offering is sounding a bit reflective. The sleep issue sounds terrible. I'm glad to read your honesty in todays blog. You have always been so honest with us all, and I feel sad that we can not help physically. I pray our comments will lift your spirits today. I'm sure someone will write to you and the connection will be made. For today anyway.

Sent by Donato | 8:32 AM ET | 04-30-2008

I face my fears in the darkness of night as well. My fears are not so much about what will happen but how. I just don't have enough experience with death (from other people's experience) to feel prepared for the act of dying.

Sent by Dona | 8:40 AM ET | 04-30-2008

Good morning Leroy,

Glad to hear you're sleeping better. A good night sleep really makes a difference in how the world looks and what you may be able to accomplish.

I have had my nights of old movies, the couch, late night cleaning, computer card games since returning from Hawaii on Easter. Of course, a lot has happened in my life since then, and at least for while I don't expect my life to be 100%. However, any chance at a good night sleep I'll take it and make a note of the fact at least occasionally, I sleep pretty good and wake up rested.

Sent by Sue Chap | 8:51 AM ET | 04-30-2008

Leroy sounds like you may have found some resolution with your night self ... darkness can be very revealing.

Sent by Pat Z. | 8:54 AM ET | 04-30-2008

True, it really comes down to "carry on". What can be done but wait. It's hard, but accepting it's the thing to be done is good.
Oh boy did you get responses from your question yesterday. You gave everyone a chance to "talk" about themselves, and let's be honest. Everyone likes that.
Prayers, Blessings and May The Grace Of God Be With You.
Wanda Amorose

Sent by Wanda Amorose | 9:08 AM ET | 04-30-2008

Leroy, I am sure "One Day At A Time" is difficult!!

God bless and prayers to you...

Sent by Patsy Elmore | 9:13 AM ET | 04-30-2008

Good Morning Leroy,
That is a very good way to look at the picture. The sleep will do you a lot of good and worrying will not help anything. Enjoy each day to the fullest and sleep each night as much as possible. It sounds like you are slowly making a recovery. Hang in there buddy.

Sent by Teresa in WV | 9:19 AM ET | 04-30-2008

Good Morning Leroy ~ Oh, those sleepless nights are awful to endure. By dawn, I will usually fall into a deep sleep ( when the radio comes on at six with NPR Morning Edition), the voices just lull me to sleep. I have found that the thoughts that come to my mind at night when I am trying so hard to sleep, are weird, sometimes vivid snapshots of things from my past that only get me more awake. Nothing will do except to get out of bed, go into the kitchen, have a glass of Garorade and half an asprin, and go back into bed. I would never further stimulate my mind by watching TV. I try to breathe deeply, think of swimming or floating in space, and attempt to go off to dreamland. I can tell when I am dozing off because I begin to have "silly" stuff running through my head and I can hear myself saying, "NOW, you are falling asleep at last". Strange thing - the mind. Plays tricks.

Sent by J C R | 9:22 AM ET | 04-30-2008

Leroy,

As someone who cannot STAND insomnia, I am glad your situation has improved. As for not knowing what to worry about, perhaps that is a blessing.

Bless you!

Sent by Diana Kitch | 9:28 AM ET | 04-30-2008

Wow Leroy...just wow with that post.

Also, to everyone that replied yesterday, that was amazing. I think those responses should be printed on a huge banner and shown to everyone. Not everyone responded the same and yet there is a strange power you feel when you read that.

Yesterday was some seriously important work you started.

Hugs to you and Laurie.

Sent by Lori | 9:56 AM ET | 04-30-2008

Leroy, your comments are descriptive and well written. My Dad was diagnosed a month ago with small cell carcinoma, Stage IV cancer, with primary either prostate or lung--not sure. He's doing well with his chemo so far (doing 2nd cycle of 6 this week). We love him very much. He's had a lot of these sleepless nights. I think that most have been caused by steroids. The night time is a different sort of time alright. Things DO tend to look better in the morning though, don't you think? and the darkest hour is just before the dawn. I want to check out some of the earlier entries to your blog and get your story. Thanks so much for sharing this part of you with us! God bless you and keep you...

Sent by Linda Lee | 9:59 AM ET | 04-30-2008

Leroy,yesterday had a lot of good comments.I know about those sleepless nights and the thoughts of self doubt and doom that creep in.That is just another part of the fight.My the Lords grace shine on you.

Sent by Hal | 10:27 AM ET | 04-30-2008

Joe used to stay up all night, couldn't sleep I guess and he would finally fall to sleep in a chair and it would scare me because I thought for sure he would fall but he never did.

One thing that started to get on his nerves because he could not escape it was that he started to remember things, maybe relive places, like he was reviewing every place he had been in his life. Once in a while he would ask about something that happened way back. It was really his personal journey though, sleeping in the chair, traveling through time all a few short months before he died.

I miss him.

Sent by Irene | 10:52 AM ET | 04-30-2008

Leroy, I too know about sleepless nights. When I was first diagnosed,(Lobular Breast Cancer & Stage IV Colon Cancer) a good friend of mine gave me some advice I've held onto. He was diagnosed with Lung Cancer 12 years ago, and given 2 months to live. He told me he gauged what the cancer was doing by how he slept at night. His advice to me was do whatever it takes to sleep. I have been fortunate and haven't had to lie awake much lately, but did my fair share in the beginning.
Thank you for your blog. It has inspired me to try to reach out and help cancer patients and caregivers locally.

Sent by Annaleisa | 10:53 AM ET | 04-30-2008

Leroy, Right on again! Wish me the best tomorrow Leroy. I am having a one dose zap of Stereotactic radiosurgery to my brain. Is that not a moughful? I had my mask and MRI done on Monday so I'm ready to go. I'm scared but it has to be done. I want everyone to be with me in spirit tomorrow, OK everyone? I need you all.

Sent by Ruth White | 11:14 AM ET | 04-30-2008

I am also starting to be able to sleep at night. After my diagnosis, I slept on the couch in the living room with the lights on and the TV going all night. My husband was wonderfully understanding about it. But recently, I realized that I wasn't afraid of the dark anymore and I can now just go to bed like a real person. I don't get 8 hours yet but maybe soon. It really makes a difference to how you feel about your life and how you deal with this disease.

Leroy, may you have 8 peaceful hours of sleep every night.

Sent by Carol, Nashville TN | 11:36 AM ET | 04-30-2008

Apparently, No s1/4onscious nightmare dare trouble a mind that already consciously wrestles with cancer. Sleep has become, also for me, a luxurious and appreciated indulgence.

Hold Fast
Don MacLeod

Sent by Don MacLeod | 11:44 AM ET | 04-30-2008

Ruth:

I'll be thinking of you tomorrow. Best of luck.

Sent by Diana Kitch | 12:37 PM ET | 04-30-2008

Leroy- I can really understand what you mean by this. In the past year I have been surrounded by cancer: my Mother, stage 3 ovarian (doing great now thanks!), my sister is having surgery next week for possible uterine cancer. My sister-in-law's father just passed on from multiple cancers, and now my Mother in law is in her final stages with liver cancer. I could be a real wrieck if I let myself.

But like you, I've let it go. I know I can't control it. What's going to happen will happen. I'm just conserving my energy for when I really need it. I've finished with the worry and doubt and anxiety, and I'm able to live a peaceful day.

Sent by Elizabeth from Brooklyn | 12:50 PM ET | 04-30-2008

Good Afternoon Leroy: Your blog entry today has given me hope. I always dread it when I have to get up at night to go potty. I dreat it because I know I'll have difficulty getting back to sleep. After reading your blog I will take your attitude and not worry about not getting back to sleep. I'll take your approach. Thanks my friend.

Sent by Robert Sheehan | 1:44 PM ET | 04-30-2008

Your first paragraph reminded me of the terror every new mother feels when she has a baby that cries all night. "What am I going to do to quiet this creature?" And "When will she sleep???" or the inevitable "What am I doing wrong". There are plenty of blogs dealing with these questions (they didn't exist then). But it's probably nice to know that you were never alone during those long nights. Thousands of new moms were suffering (albeit in a different way) with you.

Good night, Sleep tight, don't let the bedbugs bite!

Sent by Liz L. | 1:51 PM ET | 04-30-2008

To Ruth White- Good luck tomorrow. I'll keep you in my prayers.

Sent by Jen | 1:52 PM ET | 04-30-2008

Leroy,
Glad you are getting sleep.
I agree with Liz L.--the first paragraph is what so many new mothers feel--like there will never be time you will sleep again...
I think so many of us can relate to the night and being alone with your thoughts. As a mother of two, I actually enjoy that time, the stillness of it. Somehow it brings a sense of calm after a (happily) chaotic day. It is a reflective time, and yes, a time of "no fooling yourself." I'm glad you're taking the positive spin.

Sent by Kathleen, NJ | 2:10 PM ET | 04-30-2008

PS - Ruth: best of luck tomorrow! xxoo

PPS - Yesterday's blog was one of the most extraordinary things I have ever read.

Sent by Liz L. | 2:11 PM ET | 04-30-2008

Hi Leroy,
The night terrors. I think we all know about that. Meditation has helped. I often sneak out of bed to read a book.

This is for RUTH WHITE. You are in our thoughts. We're with you, dear. Best wishes.

Sent by Paulette | 3:03 PM ET | 04-30-2008

Hi Ruth,

I'll pray for you that it goes well tomorrow.

Sent by Marcy in NJ | 4:08 PM ET | 04-30-2008

Leroy, It is better to sleep, than to lie there and ponder. Thinking too much is not that good. Stan

Sent by Stan Wozniak | 4:18 PM ET | 04-30-2008

The night seems so long when you can't sleep, and the more you try to sleep, the more difficult it gets. That's when you can't stop thinking, and fears crowd in. Sometimes, though, after a good night's sleep, I wake up and for a second everything is okay, then I remember David's cancer, and reality hits me.

Sent by Tina from Alton IL | 4:29 PM ET | 04-30-2008

Leroy, the responses to yesterday's question clearly shows that you touch many more folks than respond on a daily basis...Leroy's army is a mighty force!
Ruth White, yours has been a constant voice all these may months and Leroy's Army will be holding you close...please let us know how you are doing.
Another 'home-run' by NPR--the discussion on Terry Gross' show about the book "The Final Salute" another worth reviewing. lac

Sent by Lou Ann Caywood | 5:32 PM ET | 04-30-2008

Leroy,
I hope the future continues to be hazy!!

Ruth White,
You will be in my prayers...good luck tomorrow.

Sent by Mary C. in Kingston,MA | 6:09 PM ET | 04-30-2008

Leroy- i am glad you're getting some needed rest. I am awestruck at all the responses you received yesterday. The overwhelming replies were so positive- and others so succent and true-I cried and smiled. There is so much beautiful life in your readers.

Sent by linda h. | 7:29 PM ET | 04-30-2008

Leroy: Yesterdays blog wow what a reponse. I spend all night reading and rereading. Move around the house all night trying to find comfort. It is sad to know that so many are suffering from this horrible disease. I'm glad to hear that you are sleeping! May it continue. I'm still trying to figure out what is good about having cancer? Ruth White you are in my thoughts.

Sent by diana from kc | 8:25 PM ET | 04-30-2008

Dear Leroy,
I remember the eight ball very well and I love the analogy. I used to question the ball and if I didn't like the answer, I would ask again. I'd try 2 out of 3 then 3 out of 5 and just keep going until I got the answer that I wanted. My husband has been in the hospital for three weeks now and will come home with hospice care. I took the doctor aside today and asked if she would make some vague predictions so that I could have some indication of what to expect. Of course, her answer was the same as always, "We don't know" Just like with the eight ball, I'm sure I'll ask her again another time. In the meantime, how could I possibly sleep. Here's to a good night for all.

Sent by Elaine | 8:35 PM ET | 04-30-2008

Hi Ruth, there are several Ruths that comment here I think, but R White, I will send out loads of good vibes to you and your family tomorrow & days after your next procedure. Know that more are sending out love as we saw how marvelous yesterdays response was. Will go back to it to read all when time permits and will post my own "complete this sentence".

Sent by Marge from Texas | 9:16 PM ET | 04-30-2008

Just one thought from my experience with insomnia. I listen to books on tape, with a good reader's voice, and an interesting plot (to take my mind off those middle of the night obssessive thoughts), but not too exciting (to make me want to stay awake and hear what's going to happen. Really helps refocus my mind and let my body relax. Usually find I missed some of the plot when I fell asleep.

Sent by Kathleen | 9:34 PM ET | 04-30-2008

Leroy, you touched a nerve yesterday amoung your readers. I'm sure that the response moved you, as I'm sure it did so many of us. Sleep tight tonight!

Sent by Susan | 9:39 PM ET | 04-30-2008

Ruth,

You know we are all there with you.

Sent by Gretchen Hoag | 9:48 PM ET | 04-30-2008

Leroy,
There is nothing better than sleeping! It is soooo much more appreciated when you go through a period when you cannot. So glad to hear you are getting more zzz's. Love, love, love reading your thoughts. This one is so calming. I wonder, are you afraid of death?
love, jennifer

Sent by Jennifer in CA | 10:38 PM ET | 04-30-2008

Ruth White - love and good wishes and many many prayers go out to you tomorrow! Love, Janice Goldberg White

Leroy,

Nights are tough, they always have been for anyone. Take care and enjoy your sleep and the fact that you can think about what is going on around you and in your life! Take care and of course, G-d bless you and take care
Love, Me

Sent by janice goldberg white | 11:41 PM ET | 04-30-2008

To sleep, perchance to dream. But not for the same reasons Hamlet said it. Sleep lets us re-organize, re-shuffle & renew. Preconceived notions fall to the wayside & our lives & selves are revealed. Pretty neat, huh? I'm glad you're sleeping because it gives you freedom you certainly deserve.

Sent by Beth | 12:00 AM ET | 05-01-2008

Ruth:

My best for you.

Nikki

Sent by Nikki in Kansas | 12:54 AM ET | 05-01-2008

Leroy. I think so many have sleepless nights. Things seem so large in the darkness. I am glad you are sleeping better and I am sure it helps you feel much better during the day.

Yesterdays blog was amazeing. I did not post but spent most of the night trying to read all. So many very wonderful people out there.

Take care and stay strong.

Ruth, our thoughts will be with you also.

Sent by dorothy in oregon | 1:32 AM ET | 05-01-2008

My husband used to keep the TV on all night long. He didn't really watch anything in particular, it was just on. I slept on the couch beside his bed. I catnapped really, not sleep. Everytime I opened my eyes, he would be awake. Now that he's gone, I seem to experience the same night feeling. I don't sleep well, many times I'm up crocheting, watching TV anything to fill the dark hours. I can't imagine how that would feel knowing that your time was short. Your blogs are so familiar. Again, my prayers are with you.

Sent by Cindy | 5:07 AM ET | 05-01-2008

sorry for yourself? Please, Leroy, you of all people, are the rock who keeps me
away from the pitty party. You are more than entitled to have a "sorry lapse".
Thank you for your strength and belief.
Gog Bless.

Sent by Peter in Colorado | 11:13 AM ET | 05-01-2008

Leroy, You are never alone. The great comforter, Jesus, is always with us. There's no room for death in Him. Pray away those fears and know that life will always be. Experience this life moment by moment. God's peace be with you.

Sent by Lois | 6:25 PM ET | 05-03-2008