You have told us, you are not the most patient person before. However, after all you have been through, you have a right not to be patient. Time will tell how your body will mend itself and the same is true with the pain and numbness and tingling you are experiencing.

For those of us out in the wings, this is a time of year of impatience. We are tired of the cold weather, cloudy skies, and heavy clothes. We want lighter weight clothes, sunny skies, and warm weather. I really think we are all impatient to some extent.

It is nice the see others referring to the LA (thanks for adopting the phrase) and Debbie L Sands, I love your husband's statement about life, may I use it this Sunday to remember my dad? It is so very very perfect!

Sent by Sue Chap | 7:28 AM ET | 04-17-2008

I hope that you can find a way to bottle patience, but I don't think so! I think dealing with the process of healing is like dealing with other slow processes..loosing weight,learning to play piano, etc. There has to be small goals along the way to the ultimate goal and also other activities to keep the mind/hands busy, such as playing cards on computer, knitting, photoshop and so on. This is a tedious time and I hope that you will find a way to make it "meaningful" instead of just tolerant. You have been so brave!

Sent by Susan | 7:57 AM ET | 04-17-2008

It seems that "Patience" is the art of not hurrying and trying to "push" your way through each day. Every moment, minute, and hour are what make our lives unique. Why do we want to wish them away? Is it only the unpleasant ones we are impatient about or are we also missing the good, sweet little things that happen also? Is Laurie still there? Take a good look at her and think what your world would be like without her? You MUST work on changing your way of looking at life so that you can once again, discover what is good and what you want to "rush" through, like the extreme pain you are impatient with. THAT must be awful, and it has clouded your thinking, I believe. You have shown extreme patience through what the average person cannot even imagine. Love you Leroy. I have patience to wait till the end of the book. Don't rush through it! You are making it happen!

Sent by J C R | 8:09 AM ET | 04-17-2008

I read you every weekday and don't usually comment but I wanted to let you know I'm always here thinking of you and pulling for you. I had a close family member battling brain cancer last year, and he was reticent about the experience, so it's been a huge help to learn a little more about what cancer is like. Your words have helped make me a better supporter of him and others I know with cancer. Hang in there.

Sent by Alissa | 8:26 AM ET | 04-17-2008

Patience, hard for all of us. But you have came through so much Leroy allready. Just enjoy something in every day. Don't fast forward.

Sent by dorothy in oregon | 8:30 AM ET | 04-17-2008

Dear Leroy,
Oh yes, patience...so hard to come by. But please don't forget the old story about the man who asked his pastor to pray for patience for him. The pastor immediately began to pray for trials and tribulation for the man. The man was alarmed and stopped the pastor in mid prayer. The pastor explained that trials and tribulation bring patience. I'm not so sure. I don't think my patience has increased!! Maybe it is just that I have not gotten the message!!
I always say that when we start complaining we are getting better, so keep complaining, Leroy, and keep getting better.
Wishing you a good day!
Charlotte in Rural Ridge, PA

Sent by Charlotte Kewish | 8:49 AM ET | 04-17-2008

Oh, Leroy, I understand your frustration and the patience issue! As someone who always likes to "have a plan" and a schedule - the control that I had to release and the patience I had to develop was really hard for me.
It has made me truly a better person - caused me to be more "in the moment" and even though my treatment is now far enough away (one year from chemo, yeah!) I now find myself reminding myself to not slip back into my "old life" and to continue to move slower, be more patient with myself and others, and to stay in the moment.
One thing that helped me was to try and find "new" things to do and distract myself - it's much easier said than done.
Hang in there, we continue to lift you up in prayers and thoughts!

Sent by Ruth Chermok | 8:50 AM ET | 04-17-2008

Maybe Leroy patience is too much to ask of yourself at the moment. Patience suggests something will change in the future. It is like holding your breath waiting for some situation to change before you can breathe. You can't do that for long. Maybe something more realistic is to just accept the situation now, today, this moment. Pain is miserable and makes us wish for a more comfortable time. That wishing makes the current pain worse I think. I'm probably not making sense.

Hugs to you. Thank you for sharing your thoughts as always, you speak for yourself but echo so many. Bless you.

Sent by Lori | 9:07 AM ET | 04-17-2008

Leroy,

I hear you. I guess you don't HAVE to be patient, but I believe life clicks along a little better when you are. I feel better when I control myself. You are going through a tough time. I agree with others that distraction helps.

Blessings.

Sent by Diana Kitch | 9:13 AM ET | 04-17-2008

Patience. Leroy, going through so much for so long, it is only reasonable for you to be impatient, and want to "feel" well.
Try to have patience. If you can't, then that is all right too. Having patience seems to be the hardest thing for the most of us, all the time anyway.
Let us know how to get it, when you get it. If anyone is going to figure out the virtue of patience, it will be you.
Prayers, Blessings and May The Grace Of God Be With You.
Wanda Amorose

Sent by Wanda Amorose | 9:15 AM ET | 04-17-2008

You are part of a major group - very seldom do we hear someone saying that I am recovering quicker than I had planned! Take care - find comfortable positions and comfortable things. Work with your body and just take care of you. G-d bless you and KEEP COMPLAINING AND DON'T ACCEPT - THAT IS A GOOD THING.
Love, Jan

Sent by Janice Goldberg White | 9:17 AM ET | 04-17-2008

oy vey! it is truly a wonder sometimes how people forebear...but clearly, as you demonstrate, they do. That doesn't necessarily mean we should be assaulted in such a manner, and with that degree of frequency. Peace.
Sandra Yudilevich

Sent by Sandra Yudilevich | 9:20 AM ET | 04-17-2008

p.s. wine is good too.

Sent by Sandra Yudilevich | 9:21 AM ET | 04-17-2008

Sounds like you need a good primal scream Leroy. Let er rip! It may not help but sometimes what else is there to do.

Medical marijuana? Just a thought.

Do what you need to do to get through the day. Tell cancer to kiss off...

Throw a tantrum and then have a good cry.

You have fought hard through all this time Leroy. You don't always have to be the tough guy.

I can't imagine what you feel.

I am sorry you have to go through this. Cancer isn't fair. I hate it!

God bless you Leroy.

Judy

Sent by Judy Voller | 9:23 AM ET | 04-17-2008

You know Leroy, it is possible that your impatience causes your doctors to try TOO hard & attempt things too soon to relieve your pain and frustration. THEY must chose the timing of their next treatment for you. You may cause them to attempt things primaturely and not give your body a chance to respond and heal properly. There may be a "cure" lurking right around the corner, but as with a scared, strange puppy, extend your open hands and allow events to unfold on their own.
Read and listen to your friends here. There are some really good suggestions and wisdom in these messages and lots and lots of love and respect for you!

Sent by J C R | 9:35 AM ET | 04-17-2008

I was smiling as I read what you wrote today, Leroy. That rarin' to get better attitude is probably going to help you heal! Healing is a frustrating process, always too slow and fettered with cumbersome elements (e.g., the walker, cane). One day you will wake up and look back and realize you're much better than before, and you will wonder when that happened, exactly. Hoping for a quick recovery from this latest round of assaults...

Sent by Alycia Keating | 10:04 AM ET | 04-17-2008

Patience. It's been one of my biggest challenges also. I want to be like I was but I'm not. So now my challenge is to discover new activities that I can accomplish and get as much pleasure out of as my old activities. I'm toying with taking up piano again if not just to be able to say "So doc, will I still be able to play the piano"?

Sent by Lisa | 10:07 AM ET | 04-17-2008

LeRoy, I believe you HAVE been patient, for months and months. Kvetching and wishing you would feel better does not mean you have not exhibited great patience and fortitude.

And I hope you remain patient as well with all the conflicting advice you get from your loyal online team of supporters. We all mean the best for you, even if sometimes we get carried away with our own values and "tell" you what to do. I think you are a true lesson in courage and perseverance. Stay true to yourself.

Sent by wendy | 10:15 AM ET | 04-17-2008

Leroy- you took me back to the week after my surgery a few yrs ago. I vividly remember saying, I wish I could fastforward a week of time. I knew in a week I'd feel a bit better. If we only could do that! Did you see the program on PBS last night called The Truth About Cancer? I hope you watched, great show.

Sent by DiAnn | 10:15 AM ET | 04-17-2008

Patience is hard and not my forte either. I understand hating the pain pills, too, but you may be making things worse by suffering the pain and letting it make you more impatient. I found the best way to get through the impatience of not being where I wanted to be was to try to spend as much of my time as possible doing something that would NOT remind me of what I didn't have. I know that may be hard right now, but adequately treating your pain may be part of that.

Anyway, I can understand the impatience. Try to find something in your day to enjoy anyway.

Sent by N.R. | 10:24 AM ET | 04-17-2008

what judy v. suggested...it helped me.

i had my broken wrist pinned y'day--very successful surgery, but i've been in a world of hurt/nausea since, & am almost regretting the surgery. that's how it goes--i think we're so conditioned to expect instant results that we're disappointed when our bodies don't respond immediately. i know that in days/hours, i'll probably feel much better, but for now...

after my first 4 months of chemo & the mastectomy that showed my cancer was well into my lymph system, & i'd need more chemo on top of radiation, i was crushed. my hubby & i went to our counsellor, & i told him i'm sick & i'm sore & there's a real chance i will never feel better again, & that wasn't me being a drama queen. i was angry, disappointed...you know...& i didn't know what to do with this anger, other than take it out on my hubby, which wasn't a good idea. my shrink told me to buy some plasticine, or modelling clay, and build monsters--like the monster in my body-and then smash the hell out of 'em. i did it, & it was remarkably satisfying...not therapeutic in the usual sense, but having something tangible to crush...THAT was a treat!

think about what judy said...combine that with the smash-art...as kinky friedman said, why the hell not?

peace
jj

Sent by Joan Jones | 10:29 AM ET | 04-17-2008

I guess that's why they call patience a virtue Leroy. And you are about the most patient and tenacious person I know. Here's a quote that's been on the blog before, but it always soothes me: Healing is possible even in the absence of cure. Cure is about the recovery of the body. Healing is about the recovery of the soul.
Love, Sherri in Texas, BC dx 4-06

Sent by Sherri Eggleston | 11:06 AM ET | 04-17-2008

I had to accept that I was to "sit out" from life for just ten or eleven days while my feet healed from the "Hand/Foot" syndrome that Xeloda can cause. Everytime I got up and walked the deep cracks bled and hurt more than I could imagine a foot hurting. But from the first day the idea of having to ASK for help every three minutes , having to ask my very busy husband to cook (and serve me) three meals a day, was appalling. I tried to not ask for help when I needed it, then my feet got worse. I tried "going without what I needed" and then I became really nasty and grouchy to the husband I love and appreciate so much. I tried to rein in my compulsiveness - I can't stand a messy house - my husband isn't bothered by magazines left in the middle of the rug - things like that. Great weather came and that I couldn't go out and see/smell/touch it made me depressed and mean and angry.

Today I am starting a new protocal for doing Xeloda that I hope will lessen the Hand/Foot syndrome. In the meantime my feet are 98% better since I sat out from life those days.

I did not learn any lessons about patience!

That you have to sit out and be patient an undetermined amount of time, not just ten or eleven days.............oh my God. That's really hard.

Renting good movies like The Magnificent Seven and The Dirty Dozen did help as well as getting into good books.

Good luck ........I think you just somehow or other get through it. Hopefully without taking the life of your nearest and dearest!

Best regards, Nancy

Sent by Nancy Oliveri | 11:10 AM ET | 04-17-2008

Patience is a virtue hard to come by! There is never enough. Hang in there!

Sent by Lucy | 11:43 AM ET | 04-17-2008

Dear Leroy,

YOU ARE BRAVE! You showed up for radiation. You did it! Now you can rest, watch some happy movies, and rest some more. We are all proud of you. Can't you hear us cheering? You are the official journalist of our survivor club, and you are doing a FABULOUS JOB! Do you realize how big your support group is? There are thousands of survivors and caregivers there for you. If we all came to visit, we would be out in the surrounding streets, standing, on walkers, wheelchairs, and sitting on benches. You would have to come out on your patio (if you have one), or just to the window, stick your head out, and wave to us, like the pope, or the queen. We would chant, "Go, Leroy, go!".

Your blog gives me courage. So go sleep for a week, and you will start to feel better. That radiation really does a number on the mind, our moods.

Thank you again for helping us, Leroy.
Live strong, Robyn Farrell

By the way: Those "all fruit" popsicles are very refreshing on tough days.

Sent by Robyn Farrell | 12:18 PM ET | 04-17-2008

Other then your radiation Leroy and chemo have you looked at nutrition? You can dive into the other aspects of healing your body. What you feed it being a number one issue. And God; dive into God. I to have been given an expiry date and believe that I can beat that with how I care for my body outside the treatments. A hug my friend.

Sent by Carrie Belair | 12:33 PM ET | 04-17-2008

Leroy - drink a glass of wine for me!!!!

Sent by Deb from Michigan | 12:45 PM ET | 04-17-2008

Patience may be the hardest work and we know about hard work.Keep plugging because the outcome is not ours to determine just to influence.My the Lords grace shine on us.

Sent by Hal | 1:41 PM ET | 04-17-2008

My downfall too. Patience with children is easier than the wait to feel "awake" again. Hang in there Leroy, it's coming to you.

Sent by Rockland Refugee | 2:07 PM ET | 04-17-2008

I don't know if you can take it, but my husband takes Lyrica for his neuropathy. His was to the point where he would stay in bed because of the pain. Just a suggestion!
God Bless!

Sent by Tammy | 2:41 PM ET | 04-17-2008

Well Leroy, if anything your impatience is a (good) sign that you are being yourself. That we can still be ourselves despite the slings and arrows we've had to endure as cancer patients tells us we aren't beaten down! You go guy!

Sent by Dorothy - Los Angeles | 3:50 PM ET | 04-17-2008

Friends,
Please keep in your thoughts my Mother in Law, Valentina. She lives alone in Russia. We are in NYC. She has been diagnosed with stage 4 liver cancer.

Sent by Elizabeth in Brooklyn | 5:50 PM ET | 04-17-2008

Dear Leroy,
Wine sounds good or better yet how about some JD? I saw a patient once when I was working in an out patient physical therapy practice. He had a shoulder injury and I told him he would be sore later and should ice. He said, "Lady, the only ice I am using will be in a cup!" Sounds like good advice!!!
Hang in there!

Sent by Mary C/ Kingston, MA | 7:26 PM ET | 04-17-2008

Leroy, Just do what you can. The treatment takes alot out of us, and recovery is slow and agonizing. Being patient is something I have never been real good at, but I am getting better at being patient, that is. We all deal with these things that seem so difficult, but given the choice, difficult is better. You are in this for the long haul, so what is not to like. Be patient, you will feel better.
All the best, Stan

Sent by Stan Wozniak | 9:32 PM ET | 04-17-2008

Hi Leroy, I don't think you know how much patience you have demonstrated throughout this ordeal. Going on day by day, doing all the doctors ask, pushing yourself as you do all demonstrates a kind of patience. It just doesn't feel that way. The "impatience" you are now feeling may be a sign that you are doing better. As for neuropathy, I have found that it lessens when chemo is over. Check out alpha lipoic acid, take your b vitamin. I hope tomorrow is an easier day.

Sent by Linda | 9:37 PM ET | 04-17-2008

Dear Leroy,
A dear friend of mine suffers from the neuropathy and I suggested Crocs, crazy looking shoes that massage with every step. She said they have been a "god-send" and have eased the pain and tingling. Always thinking about you!

Sent by Louise Mackay | 2:27 PM ET | 04-18-2008

Yes on the Crocs!!!!!!!
After radiation and chemo, I only wore crocs for a straight year, in three colors. They were the MIRACLE shoes for my painful, aching feet! I am now able to wear regular shoes, but still wear the crocs around the house, and about.
Robyn Farrell
(4 yr cancer survivor with secondary bone)

Sent by Robyn Farrell | 3:27 PM ET | 04-21-2008

Hi Leroy, My thoughts, and Prayers, are with You!!! God Bless You!!! *Hugs* Jolene

Sent by Jolene Carter | 10:22 AM ET | 04-30-2008