YOU ARE SO INCREDIBLE - YOU SEEM TO KNOW HOW TO DEAL. IT IS VERY DIFFICULT IN YOUR SITUATION TO NOT WORRY ABOUT SOMETHING WHICH YOU CAN DO VERY LITTLE TO NOTHING ABOUT - BUT YOU HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT AND BE CONCERNED! PLEASE TAKE CARE AND PLEASE JUST WORK ON GETTING YOU STRONGER - HOPE THAT IT IS AS BEAUTIFUL AND WONDERFUL BY YOU AS IT IS BY US!

TAKE CARE AND G-D BLESS YOU

JAN

Sent by Janice Goldberg White | 9:34 AM ET | 04-21-2008

Well now that I am dizzy from reading all of your ??? :0) sounds like your health is up in the air. But you expected that right? Right...

Ah the roller coaster. It keeps going, twisting, turning, whipping around those curves when you least expect.

All I can say is enjoy the down time and shake your groove thing Leroy. Turn on some '70's music and let it take you away.

I enjoy your blog. I wish it was for a different reason that you write it, but you have given voice to so many. Thanks.

God bless you Leroy.

Judy

Sent by Judy Voller | 9:35 AM ET | 04-21-2008

Hello Leroy,

I am just back from three weeks away and glad to catch up with you and your recovery.

We cancer survivors must, we are forced to, adjust our idea of time... Waiting for test results turns days into endless expanses of time. Recovering the strength and endurance to resume the smallest aspects of our past lives may require not a week, but a season.

With summer coming, maybe it is appropriate to get a sundial and watch it point's gradual but steady movement across the day. Healing is like the sundial...almost impossible to discern, but steady and sure.

Peggy

Sent by Peggy | 9:38 AM ET | 04-21-2008

Waiting is always the hardest part of anything, but can also be the best way to waste time. Instead, you have the right attitude. Live, do not be the living dead. That goes for everyone.
Prayers, Blessings and May The Grace Of God Be With You.
Wanda Amorose

Sent by Wanda Amorose | 9:46 AM ET | 04-21-2008

Dear Leroy, what a welcome message for such a dreary, Monday morning. Isn't it amazing how the weather opened up for a full week while the Pope was visiting our area. It could not have been nicer for his historic visit and I am happy. The moment his plane took off, it seems, the weather got nasty and we had a hectic, stormy, night. I am not Catholic. but I enjoyed his visit very much and was proud of the way it all was handled.
Leory, you sound so sensible and thoughtful about yourself. With all you have gone through, it is obvious that it has not damaged that mind of yours. I believe that you are making a new path for yourself as you discover what you can do and what you now want to do. You still have choices and decisions to make and your judgement is very much in tack! Get strong!

Sent by J C R | 9:47 AM ET | 04-21-2008

Hi Leroy,

Remain positive and continue your forward progression. Waitful watching is all that can be done at times.

Yesterday was the celebration of life for dad. And what a celebration is was! Beautiful day, friends, family, a few tears and some laughter. The music... different, show tunes, hymns, classical music. Dad would have liked it. I even mustard the courage to speak to those present, with a little help for a prop, one of my dad's trademark hats on my head!

Sent by Sue Chap | 9:54 AM ET | 04-21-2008

Leroy, while you wait ... take on this spring and enjoy it as it unfolds. A positive distraction is in order and nature is supplying one heck of show. Be in the moment irrespective of your current pains ...trust in your higher self.

Sent by Pat Z. | 10:02 AM ET | 04-21-2008

One day at a time. I've been waiting for my lung surgeon, who at one point was so sure he could RFA a small tumor in my left lung, but now doesn't think that looks possible to get back with me. He called Friday when I was on my way to Chicago but I only had a two minute window to get back with him and missed it. This year I've done RFA on a liver tumor, had a tumor removed from my right lung and then had chemoembolization on my liver to "clean up" another tumor. This left lung tumor was hopefully going to have RFA on it but now I think we are back to square one. More decisions, which will probably involve systemic chemo, which I may not be willing to do again. So am I reaching the point where I don't have other options? I've been here before and we have been able to pull another rabbit out of the hat. I've made an appointment with my oncologist rather than just wait on the lung surgeon. I have a trip to Paris and Amsterdam planned for May and intend to live well as long as possible! Keep fighting Leroy that is all we can do.

Sent by Dona | 10:09 AM ET | 04-21-2008

Leroy,
You hit the nail right on the head. You're moving forward with your PT and getting a bit stronger each day. This will help your body deal with whatever comes down the pike(good, bad or indifferent)That's a good thing, but you're also
not worry about what is or isn't going on inside your body. I agree, you just can't worry about it every single day because you will be immobilized by the sheer thoughts of what could or could not happen. I deal with my three cancers much the same way. I just can't get all bent out of shape. I can't allow myself to think too much or too long
about the "what ifs." I get up every morning and put one foot in front of the other and keep going. What else can I do? Worry if the melanoma(1999)will come back or the breast cancer(2007). Or, the lung cancer(2007) all of sudden decides not to remind indolent? If this were the case, you and I, Leroy, won't get out of bed....what for?

Sent by cathy itri | 10:24 AM ET | 04-21-2008

Great comments by all today. Maybe you just need a milkshake today to start the rebuilding process. Don't worry about what you can't decide. Your rebuilding process is of interest,let us hear more.In the meantime may the Lords grace shine on us all.

Sent by Hal | 10:32 AM ET | 04-21-2008

Leroy,

Please don't push yourself, lest there be consequences. Move, but carefully. Eat with abandon. Sleep - whatever it takes. Laugh when you can. Snuggle with Laurie. Feel the care and concern from all who know you.

Blessings.

Sent by Diana Kitch | 11:03 AM ET | 04-21-2008

My husband, David, has his PET scan on 1st May to see how the bone marrow transplant, chemo, and radiation worked on his tumour behind his eye. It is hard waiting, and even harder to remain positive and motivated. We try, though, and I think that is the most important thing. You are an inspiration to all of us Leroy.

Sent by Tina from Alton IL | 11:05 AM ET | 04-21-2008

"Living scan to scan" is so hard. Living scan to fall? I guess in a way it is better. You may actually NOT fall. How about that? Luckily when you do, you have a great support system to help you get back on your feet.

Try to concentrate on your PT. Get fresh air. Spring is here! Enjoy it best as you can!

Sent by Liz L. | 11:38 AM ET | 04-21-2008

Leroy, just keep on as you are doing. Living for today. Get the most out of each day. Tomorrow will take care of itself. Now I know that is easier said than done but is so true.

You speak for so many that are out there waiting and wondering what is happening to them. I am sure it somehow makes it easier for them.

I hope you have sunshine your way. That always helps.

Sent by dorothy in oregon | 12:59 PM ET | 04-21-2008

Leroy et al
Remember the April showers bring May flowers. Don't hold your breath waiting for "symptoms" go forward each day. At least you have a job! I hope you don't have side effects from your radio like I am experiencing. It's not awful I'm just surprised that after my last treatment in February I still get to feeling hot where I was treated.

Sent by Dianne (DC) | 1:15 PM ET | 04-21-2008

Dear Leroy,

Waiting is hard. I know when my partner and I would wait for the results of her MRIs or CT scans it was hard to try and NOT think about what the results would show. You and Laurie are in my prayers and thoughts. I'm sorry that you are in pain.

Sent by Susan | 1:18 PM ET | 04-21-2008

Dear Leroy,

Hang tough. All any of us has is "right now". Bless you and Laurie. Hope you get some relief from the pain and discomfort you are feeling. I am praying for it constantly.

Sent by Connie | 1:41 PM ET | 04-21-2008

Leroy, I guess it is all about hurry up and wait. I know I can't wait to get the next treatment started, but then you have to wait until it's time for the next scan. Waiting for symptoms seems to be too late. Maybe not, but sure seems that way. I fight to be as normal as possible each day, I am not sure how the tote board looks. I think the disease is ahead. Will hold good thoughts for the success of your treatment. Hang tough. Stan

Sent by Stan Wozniak | 2:25 PM ET | 04-21-2008

Have any of you ever had to have IV rehydration therapy due to your cancer? I've had my first treatment last week and going back tomorrow for another one. We don't know at this point how many it will take to get me back to where I need to be. Just curious if any of you here have done this?

Sent by Vicky (NY) | 2:43 PM ET | 04-21-2008

Dear Leroy,
(#1 Journalist of Cancer Survivors!)
Thank you for today's post!
Going to radiation is sort of like going to a job. When it is over, it takes time to adjust to the change of schedule. The walkers with the seats are light, adjustable and very helpful for "cruising" about. Even in a store or restaurant, you can always sit down if you get tired.
I just found out last week that I have some brain mets. I will start radiation shortly. I had radiation before, back in Fall 2004. Your recent treatment, and your notes really help me out. Thank you! Basically, I have to show up, and I shall.
Eat good. Sit out in the sun a bit. Keep the faith. You will get stronger.
So often, I do not want to talk about all cancer. You must be sick of it, too. Thank you for your continued conversations. Your writing helps on so many fronts!
Live strong.
With kind wishes,
Robyn Farrell
4yr cancer survivor,
stage 4 metastic breast cancer

Sent by Robyn Farrell | 3:17 PM ET | 04-21-2008

Leroy may I say something? NOT one of us gets out of this life time alive - you or I could get hit by a bus tomorrow or today for that matter. I to have stage 4 cancer - no down grading and no going forward. BUT Leroy we have right now, today - this very minute. LOOK outside???? Is it not lovely! Make some wonderful fresh juice from a juicer - eat well, get at least 15 minutes of sun a day - talk to friends. Pray to say thank you for right now. Leroy I am starting to hear self pity and a sense of giving up in your writing - please stop - stay around awhile - your needed.

Carrie

Sent by carrie Belair | 3:41 PM ET | 04-21-2008

I think it's kind of good you have all that hardware that prevents a "normal" scan. If you didn't, they might do a scan on you when you are feeling perfectly fine and find there were signs of the cancer coming back--which would probably make you depressed even before you had any physical reason to feel badly. Personally I am still hoping that by some miracle the cancer *doesn't * come back at all. But if it does, what would be the point of knowing about it before you had to deal with it?

Rebuild your strength, enjoy your life, and let tomorrow take care of itself!

Sent by N.R. | 3:57 PM ET | 04-21-2008

I know exactly how you feel about the radiaion and weather or not it will work. I just had a new procedure a week ago for a tumor in my brain, but like you say it will take a while to know if it worked. The radiation that I spent 5&a half weeks getting on my throat is still working as far as I can tell, but there again no way to really know until scans.

I hope that you will feel better soon and regain some strength and independence that this monster just seems to love to take from all of us. That is the thing that is really maddening.

Sent by Steve Schneider | 4:55 PM ET | 04-21-2008

Good answer... all of us cancer survivors "hope so" for a little while. . and if it is longer than a little while, yep, that would be all right too!!!

Sent by Jo Ann Baswell-Margate, FL | 7:36 PM ET | 04-21-2008

Had my regular PET scan check up today. I think my outlook is toughening up. Sometimes I want to tear up about cancer, and I do cry from time to time. I am in a job that stresses me out to the max, and yet cancer has taught me to make the most of the day because things can change in a nano second. Leroy you are a real inspiration to me. You clear a path for some light in your day each day, and I know it can be excrutiating, and I just want to say thank you for demonstrating such courage. I believe in you to do the best for you.

Sent by Beth S. , Louisville, Ky | 9:27 PM ET | 04-21-2008

One day at a time Leroy. Live well as long as possible. Enjoy spring and the new life that it brings. I happen to be watching a PBS show called ???The Truth about Cancer??? and one doc???s advice is ???Stay in the present and ask yourself ???what can I do today to make it exquisite???? I think that can apply to everyone. Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you. - Hilary

Sent by Hilary | 9:42 PM ET | 04-21-2008

Leroy-
I am always moved by how you share your journey. Moving forward, into the unknown, with an attitude like yours, well, it is breath taking really. I think it takes a special kind of courage,and it is an honor to witness it. I know, you say your really don't have a choice, but you do. You could do any number of things with yourself today, and tomorrow, but to choose hope, levity, reality, and to share that, I wonder if you really know what you do for so many. Thank you. May you have a good night's rest.
Cathy

Sent by Cathy Skubik | 9:49 PM ET | 04-21-2008

Leroy - YOU ARE AMAZING!!! you are so right worrying about tomorrow or what might or could happen won't help any of us!! We know that today and this moment is what we have, and the best thing we can all do is enjoy today and live every moment. I have this sign in my kitchen and try to hang on to it every day - "Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but the number of moments that take our breath away!" So, Leroy I hope that today and tomorrow there are a few absolutely splendid moments that take your breath away - and that you live well, eat well, and love well!!!!
Continuing to lift you up in prayer!

Sent by Ruth Chermok | 10:21 PM ET | 04-21-2008

I love the way you are able to rise above every difficult, scary situation that cancer sends your way. You are such an inspiration to all of us. I've heard so many miracle stories where patients have thought their way through diseases. I think maybe you will be one of those.

Sent by Linnea | 6:17 AM ET | 04-22-2008

Your messages touch me and mean so much to me.. Prayers for healing and an angel on your shoulder today.. :-)

Sent by Patsy Elmore | 7:00 AM ET | 04-22-2008