Leroy, go outside and let the sun shine down on you and feel its warmth. Think of it as love from your family and friends! I wish you a good day! God's peace to you....continued prayers!

Sent by Laurie Hirth | 7:47 AM ET | 05-06-2008

Stay under that umbrella as long as you can. If one ignores money, careers, or girlfriends they tend to disappear so just maybe this beast will too. You sure have been giving it heck!

Sent by Susan | 7:49 AM ET | 05-06-2008

Leroy, wouldn't that (ignoring it) be the best cure of all? If only, it were true! Let's hope!

Meanwhile, enjoy your cancer holiday.

Sent by Marilyn | 7:53 AM ET | 05-06-2008

I like that child-like concept too. I think us adults must use it on a need basis! If we want to stick our head in the sand for awhile, then we are allowed to.
Children consider that it really works, and that by ignoring a problem it goes away. Yes, it is worth a try.
Prayers, Blessings and May The Grace Of God Be With You.
Wanda Amorose

Sent by Wanda Amorose | 8:01 AM ET | 05-06-2008

Wouldn that be great. If we could just wake up one day and never talk about cancer again. I'm not saying that we forget about our fight up to this point, because that is truly heroic, or to say that we say that we are cancer free, because that still implies that the cancer could come back. I just want to stop discussing cancer ever again. It no longer exists from this point forward. Maybe twenty or thirty years from now, while I'm looking through old boxes, I'll pass by a buisness card from my oncologist and say, "Oh that's right, I did have cancer once." That would be great!

Sent by jen barad | 8:34 AM ET | 05-06-2008

Leroy...as you noted, life is never the same after a cancer diagnosis. I would add that even three years post diagnosis, with annual (very thorough) exams indicating no evidence of disease, I live with the thought of a recurrance every day.

It isn't exactly frightening,but certainly adds a poignancy and sort of urgency to my life.

Peggy

Sent by Peggy | 8:37 AM ET | 05-06-2008

Leroy, Your mouth to G-d's ears! Let the beast get bored with your body and just go away! My husband has a theory that cancer is in all of us and just waiting to come out. I don't know - but you certainly describe how it feels to LIVE YOUR LIFE and wonder what is going on inside of you.
Please take care and put in some time ENJOYING LIFE. Love to Laurie and much love and many prayers to you.

Jan

Sent by janice goldberg white | 8:55 AM ET | 05-06-2008

Good Morning Leroy~ Interesting message today. You surely have so much on your mind to think and ponder. With this constant cloud hanging over your head, how can you possibly rebuild your life according to your old standards? Cancer has become so much a part of your every thought and action. How can we help to cultivate new thoughts, optimism, to enable you to mpve ahead with new thoughts? Somehow you must continue to get free of this Demon so you can function and it does not control you. You are even uncomfortable when you do not know where it is or what it is doing. That is not good, but what can you do when it is and has been such a part of your existence? I know that it is inside of me-somewhere- lurking, but it is now a toss up between what will claim me first, cancer or just plain old age!

Sent by J C R | 9:00 AM ET | 05-06-2008

I clicked on the blog around 7 or so, and I was at a loss for words. So, I waited until 8 and click again to see if there were any responses. Maybe, just maybe I would be inspired. Do I think, about what ifs, or not? I do all the time. I just don't know, do you begin to consider the worse just because. Positive imagery, positive thoughts have sometimes worked in the past. So, keep it up, as much as you can.

Sent by Sue Chap | 9:11 AM ET | 05-06-2008

Good morning, Leroy! Aw yes, I know of what you speak. Daddy is doing all the right things to fight for his life, but the other day he was telling me his blood test was okay that day, and he kind of smiled and said, "Wouldn't it be nice if we found out they made a mistake, and I don't really have cancer after all." Then he gave a little chuckle and said, "...don't guess that's gonna happen." God bless, Leroy. (You do the inspired writing that inspires us to let it out. It's a gift you have.)

Sent by Linda Lee | 9:30 AM ET | 05-06-2008

Dear Leroy,

Praying for you, today and always.

Sent by Connie | 9:33 AM ET | 05-06-2008

Thank you for making me think every day.. Whatever you write about forces me to use my brain to think it through. Today was a heavy one.. And really not THAT heavy because worry doesn't make anything better, only worse.. If I can't change it, I try to let it go for the day. I MAY pick it up again tomorrow but for today, I TRY to put it down.

I hope peace is in your heart today.. That is my prayer for you.. Thank you for being here for us.. We don't ALL have cancer but it touches ALL of us somehow, if only through you.. We love you.. God Bless...

Sent by Patsy Elmore | 9:53 AM ET | 05-06-2008

Good Morning Leroy and friends, This is my first post. Thank you Leroy for all your sharing; it has been uplifting and nourishing to me.

I have advanced breast cancer and have been in treatment for almost 5 years but I'm still kicking and most importantly smelling the flowers. One of the most difficult things for me has been living with the uncertainty. I recently completed Oprah's bookclub and webcast of The New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. His words have moved me, warmed me and brought me to bring myself to the present whenever I can (plus the webcast discussion between Oprah and Erik and others' questions added to the value). I have found the ability to live in the NOW, I can acceptable the unacceptable, and found increased aliveness and alertness. Is is just for now? for always? who knows.

I wish this stillness for all of you.

Peace and sincerity, Rebecca

Sent by Rebecca Battaglia | 9:55 AM ET | 05-06-2008

Hello Leroy

I don't know what to say Leroy. The what if's are terrible. My wonderful wife would fret about them also.

Today is another day the Good Lord has given us to do his will. Keep spreading your store Leroy, you do inspire us all.

I pray the Lord gives you the strength and courage to walk yet another day.

Sent by Donato Salazar | 10:10 AM ET | 05-06-2008

You write "...I KNOW that the Beast is hiding somewhere inside me..." I would amend that to read "...I ASSUME that the Beast is hiding somewhere inside me..." I other words, why not give the universe a little wiggle room? You never know -- it might come through with a miracle.

Sent by Virginia Foster | 10:16 AM ET | 05-06-2008

Ignorance is bliss... yes, go for it Leroy. I have found that my cancer has changed me in one big way -- how much I value my friends. So go have lunch with a friend today. I find I have to stay out of the sun because it re-flames my radiation area, even though my last treatment was in February. Wonder if it is the same for you.

Sent by Dianne (DC) | 10:20 AM ET | 05-06-2008

I don't know whether it's a good idea or a bad idea to just put all the possibilities out of your head for awhile, but I certainly understand that urge. Willful ignorance -- there's a lot to be said for it!Sort of like the concept of "living well is the best revenge" --- just spit in Cancer's eye by having fun today without even giving a thought to it.That's what I've been trying to do lately, too.Listen to the birds! Eat something sinfully delicious! Sit out in the sunshine and chat with an old friend! Screw cancer.

Sent by Doris | 10:34 AM ET | 05-06-2008

Leroy,

I think ignoring it until you must deal with it is a GREAT way to cope. Otherwise, it consumes your life. I don't think you want to make that concession to "the beast."

Blessings.

Sent by Diana Kitch | 11:12 AM ET | 05-06-2008

Good Morning Leroy,
Have you heard about " CellSearch" test? It is an FDA approved blood test for enumerating tumor cells present in blood for metastatic breast/colon& prostate cancers. It is available thru Quest and LabCorp. It is developed and manufactured by Immunicon Corp. and marketed by Veridex(J&J). It may offer some utility for you. I just wanted to mention in case you are not aware of it because it is not broadly publicized to general population. You will be able to find further info at the either company's website.

Good luck to you and best wishes for you to feel better.

Anita

Sent by Anita Hovsepian | 11:13 AM ET | 05-06-2008

Hello Leroy,

Back to neuropathy in feet. I take an oral chemotherapy twice a day. I know what you mean about feet hurting. Sometimes I can hardly walk. My ankles have somewhat of a numb feeling. But some nights I have to let my feet hang off a pillow with absolutely nothing touching them (no pressure) in order to go to sleep. I am going to have to get some shoes with "cushion".

It is tough to deal with each day wondering what is going on inside of this body!! All we can do is "pray".

Love you all,
Betty Lewis

Sent by Betty K. Lewis | 11:25 AM ET | 05-06-2008

How true, Leroy. Sometimes you feel you can't think any more. I always liked the John Cleese character, Basil, in Fawlty Towers when he would faint if he couldn't cope with a situation. David gets the results of his tests tomorrow - we find out what has happened to his cancer after the chemotherapy, stem cell transplant, and radiation. Surely it cannot have survived all of that?

Sent by Tina from Alton IL | 11:41 AM ET | 05-06-2008

I think it's a skill to know when to use the power of defense mechanisms (denial, repression) to work for you in this whole cancer battle. I have certainly gotten much better about not worrying about what I don't know about yet. After all, cancer steals enough happy hours out of one's life without handing over more of them by worrying about things you don't yet know are true.

For today, and however long you can manage, I hope you just work on the "bliss" part.

Sent by N.R. | 11:44 AM ET | 05-06-2008

Leroy and all, I know exactly how you feel about the constant thoughts. I have them too. What do you do for distractions Leroy? I'm going in the yard to play with some flowers now. Gardening helps me blank out the thoughts for a little while. God bless you Leory and like you said a while ago, May you find peace when you need it most.

Sent by Ruth White | 11:52 AM ET | 05-06-2008

Mr. Sievers, when I'm feeling sorry for myself, reading your blog makes my problems seem awfully small. Thank you for writing so beautifully about such a painful subject. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

If you still like to read, and like dark humor, I recommend reading The Book of Dahlia, by Elisa Albert. It's a novel about a foolish young woman who's been diagnosed with a brain tumor, and against all odds, it's very funny. It's making me cackle out loud in public places!

Sent by Heron | 12:30 PM ET | 05-06-2008

During treatment, denial was my best friend. It kept me going when I didn't think I could go on.

Sent by Gyla | 1:56 PM ET | 05-06-2008

One thing I know about cancer is that it can be completely unpredictable. At times it seems a mystery. Note to Shasha: I have been thinking of you and hope you can find a way to find courage in each day. Look for the hidden treasures.

Sent by N. Holmes | 3:16 PM ET | 05-06-2008

I read this and it struck home with me once again. Yesterday I had my first CTscan after the completion of my radiation treatment January 29th. Results should be back Thursday the CT Tech told me...and of course now I wait and go ?. Did it work? And if so, for how long? ... and if not, what then? So many questions, best just to "let it go" for now and live each day with a smile on my face and a song in my heart for the time I still have :-)

Sent by Jo Ann Baswell, Margate, FL | 7:04 PM ET | 05-06-2008

Leroy, One can only hope.It sure would be nice to just have it disappear! But things don't work like that in the Cancer World. Enjoy your time away from the fray. Spring is a wonderful time to just go outside and sit. Enjoy all that is in bloom! Thoughts, Stan

Sent by Stan Wozniak | 7:25 PM ET | 05-06-2008

I agree it's an effective coping strategy sometimes - allows you to live in the moment and not be a giant stressball every second of every day. LIVE LIFE YES!

Sent by Nichole | 8:21 PM ET | 05-06-2008

Last week I mentioned that I was investigating a new item for pain relief. It's a cream that is being compounded by a pharmacy in Al. and EVERYTHING I've heard about it so far is wonderful. I asked them if I could put their phone # on a very widely read site and was told twice, by two different people, that it was OK. A physician must prescribe this medication, but not many people know about it yet. An anesthesiologist told me about it and he is prescribing it for lots of pts. in the Atl. area. Please check it out yourself, if you can't get a physician to check it out for you..and I hope you have one that will take the time to do so. The name of the pharmacy is Custom Pharmacy Solutions and the phone is 866-988-3383. I so hope that this can be a source of relief for many, many people. They compound cream to target different types of pain-neuralgia, muscle(sport),and arthritis.

Sent by Susan | 8:24 PM ET | 05-06-2008

Leroy,
Hang in there.
Tina, I will be thinking of you and David tomorrow--I remember well the days we got Leon's test results (sometimes good, sometimes heart-breaking). So scared and so nervous...

Sasha, I find myself always wanting to know how your day went. Prayers to all,
Jane

Sent by Jane in AR | 8:29 PM ET | 05-06-2008

Too bad cancer is not like teeth. If you ignore your teeth they'll go away. My dentist gave me a sticker that had that phrase when I was a little girl. I got such a kick out of it. I'm with you Leroy. Let's ignore it as much as possible... do what you have to and try not to focus on the negative.
Goodnight. Jennifer

Sent by Jennifer in CA | 12:07 AM ET | 05-07-2008

My husband had prostate cancer in 2000; and then GIST, a stomach cancer in 2003. Both were excised, apparently successfully. Your post today has reminded me that I think he is afraid of it lurking somewhere else in his body, but he doesn't want to say so. And maybe if he ignores it, it WILL stay away. I understand now that this could be a better way to think about it.

Sent by Sara Chan | 12:52 AM ET | 05-07-2008