'Morning Leroy,

I had to get my annual labs drawn, not looking for anything, just routine. I got up, showered, and out I went. No coffee, because it is fasting. Anyway, got the hospital, and the ambulatory entrance was locked. So, I sat down, with my book, I just happened to have and read. The birds were singing up a storm, but then there are a lot of trees around the hospital, tall ones, and I know some of the birds I heard were robins and cardinals.

Sorry about the relentless back pain.

Oh, almost forgot. My sister had (hopefully) her last round of biopsies yesterday for her head and neck cancer. If what we were told 2 years ago, the every three month run will be done. The surgeon said everything looked good. The definite answer will be know next week.... fingers and toes crossed.

Try to rest Leroy...

Sent by Sue Chap | 7:33 AM ET | 05-01-2008

I agree about the bird and the power of nature to bring light into a dark day. Yesterday a cardinal came to my feeder for the first time ever. I was having an "off" day and that sighting made me really excited and lifted some of the heaviness I was feeling.

I'm asking all the birds to fly your way.

Hugs.

Sent by Lori | 7:41 AM ET | 05-01-2008

Hi Leroy,

I am listening to birds sing as I read your post; there is a comfort in that sound. May you find other comforts today.

Sent by Carol Fouts | 7:44 AM ET | 05-01-2008

Yes, i've learned the little things do matter. I was so excited to see my first Cardinal this year. It does prove that life goes on and on, even if we want it to stop. Not going to happen. Sometimes its a comfort and other times its not.

Sent by Jenn | 7:45 AM ET | 05-01-2008

Those birdsongs have helped me through many mornings. Keep listening and smile. With care.

Sent by anne lumberger | 7:52 AM ET | 05-01-2008

Oh man Leroy. I am just so sorry that you are having pain to this degree, well sorry you are having any pain and sorry that the solutions seem to not be readily available. How you avoid becoming discouraged, or maybe how you deal with feeling discouraged is the thing that amazes me. I am praying, right now, this second, that you have a better day today. I am hoping for a pain free day for you my friend.

Sent by jmoyer | 7:53 AM ET | 05-01-2008

Ahh man, I hate that you're hurting. It's such a helpless feeling for the person in pain and for those wanting to help. This Sat. I'm checking out a new product for pain relief and will certainly share the info. if I think it might benefit you or your readers. Be easy on yourself and have some good quality chocolate with the Ibuprofen.

Sent by Susan | 7:55 AM ET | 05-01-2008

Good morning.... I too have listened more closely to birds singing and greeting the day. And look what they go through to survive, how many dangers they must face each day to find water and food..and yet they sing. So sing on Leroy and keep enjoying the simple things because those ARE the worthwhile things!

Sent by Jo Ann Baswell-Margate,FL | 8:01 AM ET | 05-01-2008

Good morning dear Leroy,

These are the hard posts to read!

Let's hope today is a better day for you!

Feel better!

Liz

Sent by Liz L. | 8:09 AM ET | 05-01-2008

I am so sorry that you began your day in pain. Perhaps you can take some comfort in remembering that you have good days and bad days...and this is a bad day that will soon pass. I loved reading the comments in response to "Cancer is..." from the other day. It's amazing how introspective we become in the face of illness and possible death. If only all of us could live our lives that way under normal circumstances. Good luck in getting through today...and I wish you a better tomorrow...

Sent by Helene Weingarten | 8:10 AM ET | 05-01-2008

Hi Leroy
Sorry about the pain, buddy. I can't even imagine what you are going through. I pray for you with all the other spiritual soldiers.
The bird thing sounded beautiful. I didn't know you were a nature guy.
Leroy, Have a God Glorifing Day today.
May the Lord keep you and Laurie both.
May the Lord bring you peace

Sent by Donato | 8:11 AM ET | 05-01-2008

Leroy,

May many simple treasures like the song of a bird, or leaves rustling in the breeze, or any fleeting memory that brings back a smile...be your gift today and all days to come! Wishing you comfort and peace.

Sent by Sandy | 8:23 AM ET | 05-01-2008

So sorry that the pain is a constant companion. I would encourage you to look into a pain management clinic to visit or perhaps have them come to you. There are things (pumps that enable you to receive medication when needed, acupuncture (i know you aren't looking for more needles to be inserted into your body but it has helped me over the years, etc.) and techniques that may bring some relief. As you know all too well, pain is terribly debiltating both physicall and mentally so seeking some type of help seems reasonable to me.

Hoping for a better night to night and day tomorrow.

Prayers as always.

Sent by Al Cato | 8:28 AM ET | 05-01-2008

Ruth,
I did not have a chance to comment on yesterday. I hope (and pray) all goes well. Let us know.

Sent by bettye | 8:32 AM ET | 05-01-2008

Leroy,

I posted a message to you about the birds singing the other day. I don't know what it is about those birds, especially at this time of year. Maybe it's the fact that you don't hear them all winter, and then in the spring they're back. It's such an obvious sign of rebirth and life, as you say. There must be something comforting in that for us cancer patients.

I was diagnosed in the spring, two years ago. At the time, 70% of my liver was replaced by tumor. I remember being acutely aware of the contrast between my environment (I live in Chapel Hill, NC, where the spring is gorgeous) and my prognosis. Like you, I'm still here, and the birds are singing once again.

I hope you are feeling better this morning. Enjoy the birdsong!

Kristy

Sent by Kristy Manning | 8:36 AM ET | 05-01-2008

Oh, I feel for you today Leroy! It is "May Day" so maybe that is why you feel badly. I always have a dred of this day because it always seems to be ominus. Not sure why. Maybe the bird you heard was a Cardinale. We have one out in the flowering plum trees off our patio. Sings such lovely trills when he is calling for or signaling to his mate. They are lovely birds. In fact, we love them all.How is your "Lile Bird", Laurie? Well, I hope.
Have you changed your Meds at all? Hope you will feel comfortable soon. I shall go and make our Rent check out. They get harder to pay these days - miss our home, but - what can you do? That was ten years ago and at least we were not foreclosed on like some folks today! Terrrible times now, I fear. We slept in this morning and only wish that you could say the same.

Sent by J C R | 8:45 AM ET | 05-01-2008

Simple pleasures. They are the best.

God bless you Leroy.

Judy

Sent by Judy | 8:53 AM ET | 05-01-2008

When I hear a bird sing, it always makes me smile. I think these birds have been singing through all the centuries, through war and peace and everything in between. They are a blessed constant and I am reminded me that someone is watching over them-and us, through all times...
Hang in there Leroy. All of us, your friends, are wishing you many more reasons to smile, and many more bird songs of Spring.

Sent by Mary Beth Monterosso | 8:54 AM ET | 05-01-2008

Leroy,
I'm so glad you found some solace despite your discomfort. Have a wonderful day.

Sent by Kathleen, NJ | 9:03 AM ET | 05-01-2008

Leroy, sorry for the pain. Was so hopeing that you had that pretty well controlled.

Isn't it so true how the smallest things, like the bird singing mean so much more. The little things that we always have taken for granted look and sound so different now.

I hope you can have a restful day and as painfree as possible.d

Sent by dorothy in oregon | 9:04 AM ET | 05-01-2008

I love to hear the little birds singing. I hope your find a comfortable "spot" today to rest. Every good thought and love is coming your way. You truly mean so much to all of us.
Prayers, Blessings and May The Grace Of God Be With You.
Wanda Amorose

Sent by Wanda Amorose | 9:07 AM ET | 05-01-2008

First, Ruth my thoughts are with you.

Yesterday I was on the phone with my oncologist office getting a physical therapy referral and they said, "Is that your bird?" I was actually outside painting a birdhouse for a fundraiser. The birds were loud enough you could hear them over the phone. Enjoy the birds and I hope you can find a comfortable position.

Sent by Dona | 9:14 AM ET | 05-01-2008

Dear Leroy,
I am sorry you are having a pain filled day. We never know what another's pain is but I hope yours is relieved soon. You are right about it being hard to concentrate on other things when you are in pain. However, there you are at your computer giving us your thoughts and words. I hope there may be more bird songs in your day to lift your spirits.
Charlotte in Rural Ridge, PA

Sent by Charlotte Kewish | 9:14 AM ET | 05-01-2008

Leroy,

A song my mother use to sing to me..

WHEN THE RED ROBIN COMES BOBBIN' ALONG
(written by Harry Woods )

When the Red, Red Robin Comes Bob-Bob Bobbin' Along
When the red, red robin comes bob, bob, bobbin' along, along
There'll be no more sobbin' when he starts throbbin' his old sweet song
Wake up, wake up you sleepy head
Get up, get out of your bed
Cheer up, cheer up the sun is red
Live, love, laugh and be happy
What if I were blue, now I'm walking through, walking through the fields of flowers
Rain may glisten but still I listen for hours and hours
I'm just a kid again doing what I did again, singing a song

Cheers.

Sent by Rita | 9:32 AM ET | 05-01-2008

Good morning, Leroy! I pray that today is a little easier on you than yesterday was. Funny, maybe getting older makes nature more appreciated! I am in Houston for a few days with my son and the sky is blue and the weather is warm and I will see my grand daughter later and you know - THOSE ARE THE IMPORTANT THINGS! I hate that your pain is the biggest thing on your mind right now and I pray to G-d that other things will take your mind off of it and you will be more comfortable.
Take care of you and of course, much love to you and Laurie. G-d bless you.

Jan

Sent by janice goldberg white | 9:44 AM ET | 05-01-2008

dear leroy - thinking of you and hoping you are more comfortable today.
much love liz

Sent by liz | 9:54 AM ET | 05-01-2008

Ah, the ironies of life: how disparate emotions can exist at once but how wonderful that you experienced gratitude over the sweet sounds of a songbird. Too many of us forget that joy can be found in the folds of sadness. I'm glad you had that moment this morning, Leroy, and willingly shared it with us. Thank you!

Sent by Molly | 10:20 AM ET | 05-01-2008

Leroy:Know about pain,it can be consuming.Sit outside enjoy the weather,blooms and birds. Listen to the radio,move around,read your blog responses,take a ride,drink a milkshake.May the Lords grace shine on us all.

Sent by Hal | 10:26 AM ET | 05-01-2008

The poet Emily Dickinson defines hope with a metaphor, comparing it to a bird. Hope, she writes, is the thing with feathers/That perches in the soul/And sings the tune--without the words,/And never stops at all...

May you continue to hear the bird singing in your mind's ear and remember life goes on...
Celia

Sent by Celia Bandman | 10:31 AM ET | 05-01-2008

Dear Leroy,
I have not been able to read the blog, as my husband just recently returned from the hospital, only to have to go back on Tuesday for three more lung biopsies.

I would like to give my comment to your question about finishing the sentence My Cancer.....I know I'm a little late but.............My husbands cancer ................has taken away all of our dreams and wishes, aside from having to watch him as well as my three children suffer for 26 months. CANCER SUCKS! I am sorry that I cannot be one of those people who have stated that cancer made them appreciate life better and see life differently.......... enjoy each day as a precious gift.............well sorry, I'm not ashamed to admit it but I just can't. This BEAST has destroyed me and my loved ones and in the end...............the BEAST WILL WIN!
Prayers to you, Laurie and all the bloggers.

Sent by sasha321 | 10:47 AM ET | 05-01-2008

Leroy, the whole idea is to keep us as comfortable as possible, so why so much pain? You never catch up if it gets ahead of you. Don't put up with pain Leroy its hard enough when you'r fairly comfortable. I'm in end stage pancreatic cancer and relief is getting real hard these days. Take while you can. Mary

Sent by mary fitzpatrick | 10:54 AM ET | 05-01-2008

So glad that bird came to sing to you, Leroy! They nearly always come when needed. Carry that song with you, as you go gently through your tender day. Wrapping you in cotton wool of comfort...

Sent by Sarah | 11:07 AM ET | 05-01-2008

Leroy,
It must be very difficult to write everyday. Especially on days where your pain is in the front and center of all of your thoughts. It is important to all of us that you document this journey with us, even if you can only get out-- just one sentence.
We know that life goes on all around us,we bear sad and happy witness to that in our house too. But we care about how YOUR life is today. Now you belong to our families too. Keep going!

Sent by Deb | 11:09 AM ET | 05-01-2008

Ah, Leroy. I'm so sorry you're having to endure such pain. But you're right -- the birds still sing every day. Maybe that's the miracle? All we have to do is open our eyes and ears to benefit from all the wonders that surround us, sick or well. Still, I can't help hoping you'll get an even bigger miracle that relieves you of pain.

Sent by Doris | 11:12 AM ET | 05-01-2008

Leroy - birds singing - not corny at all. I love to sit on my decks and just listen to them. Whether it be one or more - it is relaxing to me. If that is corny - then I am corny along with you.

Sent by Deb from Michigan | 11:48 AM ET | 05-01-2008

Good morning, Leroy! Cardinals are my favorite birds. They love sunflower seeds by the way, but will settle for other things--even crumpled bread. One of the things I like about birds is the loyalty and devotion the mates have for one another and for their young. They mate for life.

Perhaps some intervening pain management would be a good thing to think about, Leroy. I know! Hate to take that stuff, but it has its time and place though. Hang in there friend!

Sent by Linda Lee | 12:05 PM ET | 05-01-2008

Dear Sasha~ I cannot imagine what you are going through to watch someone you love go through what you describe. I only know what it is like to love someone deeply who has been so much a part of your life. May try to be strong for him & try to hold yourself together.

Sent by J C R | 12:17 PM ET | 05-01-2008

Leroy, Today is a scan and lab day for me. So the day starts with this sense of foreboding. Not in so much pain this AM, but will be a nerve racking couple of days waiting for results. Send that little bird this way, will you? Find a comfortable spot and sleep. Stan

Sent by Stan Wozniak | 12:36 PM ET | 05-01-2008

Leroy, continued prayers are coming your way! I do hope your day improves!

Sent by Laurie Hirth | 12:48 PM ET | 05-01-2008

Dear Sasha

I certainly understand why you feel as you do, but wish for you more peace than you have now. So sorry. Been there and done that and it is HARD!

Sent by Diana Kitch | 12:59 PM ET | 05-01-2008

Why is it that nature always makes us feel better? I haven't figured out why but its true. Do you get outside much? Just sitting outdoors is good for the soul. I pray for you everyday Leroy. I know how it is not to feel good. Maybe tomorrow will bring comfort. God Bless.

Sent by DiAnn | 12:59 PM ET | 05-01-2008

Leroy,
The honesty that it takes for you to say, "I'm not having a good day" requires an inner strength that is refreshing and inspiring to see.
There's no cancer being reported in my family right now though I lost my dad to it many years ago; but Memorial Day weekend will be 1 year since I lost my husband of 6 years to a massive heart attack. It's taken me most of this year to be able to admit it when I'm having a difficult day or hour. There are lots of them...but with time, they do pass.
Anyway, thank you for your gallant grace, and I will wish for you many better days to come.

Sent by Nita | 1:11 PM ET | 05-01-2008

Leroy,

My first post to you must not have gotten through. I see that someone else asked if you have checked out pain clinics. I just can't believe you need to hurt so much. I think I remember that you have investigated hospice. If it is a good one, it has staff who will be pain management whiz kids. In the one I volunteer for, it is possible for a patient to receive services to stabilize pain and then leave the program. If the hospices near you do that sort of thing, please try them out. Usually you have to sacrifice some mental sharpness for freedom from pain. Then, if you want the mental sharpness back, you put up with pain for a while. It's a trade-off you might want to consider. I hate it that you hurt!!

Blessings.

Sent by Diana Kitch | 2:11 PM ET | 05-01-2008

Nature is a great distraction - I find I usually feel better sitting outside than in - but I live in Florida where that's a lot easier than most parts of the country! Leroy, I agree with Diane you need to seek out more help on the pain - some days a little mental fog is worth the relief. I am so sorry you are feeling so much pain - had hoped you'd be getting beyond that but recovery is never a straight path.

Sent by Marcia | 3:19 PM ET | 05-01-2008

Hi Leroy,
I have never posted anything to you in the past but I have read your blog with very open eyes ever since your show aired on the Discovery channel. Like you my husband had cancer and had the fight of a life only to loose his battle one month ago today. He was 49 years of age and had Kidney cancer. He was first diagonsed in 2000 with the return in 2004. It is amazing to me how many times your thoughts, feeling and words are the same as he was feeling. I guess everyone with cancer regardless of the type goes through the same feelings when your life is put before you in such a manner. Johnny was a wonderful man that loved life and wanted it to continue but in the end the cancer won the battle. And yes Cancer changes everything about everyone involved and makes you a differnet person. I would not trade what I have learned and the experience we had together for anything in the world and I know he is in a better place, like you he was in very bad pain but the pain is gone and he will be missed while my life will continue on. I am thankful for the time we had together and where able to share the love we had between us, we would have been married 30 years July 8th and yes we where the couple that married right out of high school and have made it together, I was 17 and he was 19 and I would do it all over again today if given a chance. God bless you and hang in there.

Sent by Deboarh Ellenburg | 3:29 PM ET | 05-01-2008

I am glad the bird gave you some peace. I am sorry you are in pain

Kaen

Sent by Karen | 3:45 PM ET | 05-01-2008

Leroy, in Alaska we were bombasted with a record setting continuous snow fall on April 25th, we had 18 inches in my neighborhood! But, today, not even a week later, I have three different yards with blossoming daffodils! The ducks are flying back in droves! Spring will come and hopefully for you, a renewal of hope and spirit. May birds continue their song for all of you and may the pain fly away with each note!

Sent by Lucy | 5:06 PM ET | 05-01-2008

Dear Leroy,
It looks like I will survive pancreatic cancer; it is now almost 4 years since the operation. When my wife and I were in the Rotary House in Houston, 2004, across the street from M.D.Anderson, we were among caregivers and patients. As hard as the treatment was, we could see that there were so many others who had it worse. It put it all in perspective for me.

Sent by Chris Hoffmann | 5:24 PM ET | 05-01-2008

Leroy,
The birds are just one of the joys of nature I'll never take for granted again. I think some one once said 'Remember to stop and smell the roses..."

Sasha, I'm so sorry for your despair. I hope you're seeing a therapist of some sort--it's what helped me help my husband for 22 months before he died. And don't worry, the calmness, the appreciation comes much later. Peace be with you.

Sent by Kathy | 5:52 PM ET | 05-01-2008

Hi Leroy,
Birds make me smile every day. It's a passtime that has been a part of my life for years. What a joy studying these small creatures. All you need are a pair of binoculars and a bird guide. No matter where you are, birds will light up your life. Enjoy.

Sent by Paulette | 5:57 PM ET | 05-01-2008

Dear Deborah,
So sorry to hear of your loss. I too met my husband while in my teens and will be married this June for 40 years. He's coming home from the hospital on Saturday and will get hospice care to try and ease his constant pain. I wish you wonderful memories of your years together and peaceful days and nights. I wish you what I hope for myself, the strength to carry on, some reasons to smile and loving support from family and friends to help carry you through. Thanks for contributing to the blog. It's always good to hear from the caregivers too.

Sent by Elaine | 7:09 PM ET | 05-01-2008

Sorry Leroy--I wish you could feel better.

Sasha, there is nothig to say to help you--I wish there was. But I can agree CANCER SUCKS!

Deboarh, Lung cancer stole my husband of 37 years 13 months ago. So I can say to you--it will get easier to get through the day without falling apart but the missing him only gets worse. I know everyone thinks I'm doing OK and I guess I am--but OK without Leon is all I ever expect to be.

Sent by Jane from AR | 7:25 PM ET | 05-01-2008

You are a wonderful man to keep us all so connected even in the midst of your pain. We love you and wish you relief from the pain and comfort for more than just a few moments. Right now I can hear the evening song of a robin and I'm thinking about you, Leroy. I pray you have a restful night.

Sent by Beth | 7:45 PM ET | 05-01-2008

I read your blog every day and was sorry to hear of your pain today. I just got off of a walker and on a cane. My friend drove me to Rochester, Highland Park. Lilacs, apple trees in bloom, pansies, tulips, nature at it's best. I visited my son who is a Pain Management Dr. I wish you could get some benefit from this pain. I then got to see my 8 year old granddaughter who I don't see too often. She was very verbal and shared so much with me. It was a special day to be out in nature, I usually walk the whole park but am limited this year. Leroy, I pray for you every day and hope that soon you will have a comfortable day, pain free. Carol

Sent by Carol | 9:16 PM ET | 05-01-2008

There is just something about birds singing, sun shining, and a breeze blowing that makes me feel really connected to the beauty of the world. I'm glad it's not just me! :)

Sent by Nichole | 10:24 PM ET | 05-01-2008

Leroy, I love waking up to the sounds of the birds chirping. It is one of my favorite sounds. I am sorry you had a bad day, but I am glad about the bird. I hope tommorow will be better for you.

Sent by beth | 10:57 PM ET | 05-01-2008

That's just great Leroy. Nature is a balm for our monkey mind for sure. It helps me so much at the worst of times and gives me the grace of the moment.
-Graham from Sag Harbor

Sent by Graham G. Hawks | 10:57 PM ET | 05-01-2008

Leroy,
You really are good at making the best of an awful situation. I am so glad you can see past your pain to enjoy the singing of a little bird. I am one again inspired by your love for life and your determination to make the most of each day. Prayers and positive thoughts and energy coming your way. Love, jen

Sent by Jennifer in CA | 12:23 AM ET | 05-02-2008