hi leroy and happy memorial day! i am sure you have seen the show "rent"...the broadway play still on broadway....Rent..that truly is what we are here on earth to do ...sure it has a message about todays' generation but in reality it is about all of us here on earth..how we choose to live..how we choose to love.simple=rent each day as if there will be no tomorrow!

Sent by marianne dalton | 7:46 AM ET | 05-23-2008

It also takes energy. To process the information, to heal if surgery was involved, to get to the locations, wait for registration processes. And somewhere along the way, you start to wonder why you are so tired all time.

Peace during this Memorial Day Weekend.

Sent by Sue Chap | 7:46 AM ET | 05-23-2008

Everyday is a gift, especially when "dealing" with cancer.
One always thinks, "when am I actually going". So we battle on to try and make the most of time...well we try.
Prayers,
Wanda Amorose

Sent by Wanda Amorose | 8:00 AM ET | 05-23-2008

I am astonished at how much time it takes to be ill - time spent waiting for this test or that. It's a full time job. I am fortunate only to have close calls so far, but the experience is wearing. Your blog and the comments of the community help me with my impatience when I have to wait to have this or that probed or prodded, as I realize that the schedule may have been thrown off by an unexpected finding in someone else. So far it hasn't been me, but it could be the next time. I'll wait quietly and thankfully until it's my turn.

Sent by Janet | 8:01 AM ET | 05-23-2008

I recently attended a fishing retreat for cancer patients. In between trips to the water, our group leader would pose questions. One morning the question concerned our "bucket list" of things we wanted to do. One gentleman said that prior to the retreat, his list contained things he wanted to do for himself, now it was a list of things he wanted to do for others.

Sent by Terry | 8:07 AM ET | 05-23-2008

It is our gift as well to be sharing that time with you.

Thank you Leroy.

Sent by Lori | 8:14 AM ET | 05-23-2008

Good Friday Morning Leroy! A long week-end coming and we are speaking about time. How can we parcel out what time we have left? When we first learned that I had advanced Cancer and probably had a shortened life our first PANIC reaction was to sell our lovely home, I quit my good job, my husband took his early retirement and we decided to strike out for places we always wanted to go to but never had the nerve. Bad idea! Here we are, some 25 yrs later, content in our old age and still together, but always missing our lovely home, familiar places and people, and wondering what it would have been like had we taken each day as it came and stayed put until the initial shock and treatments had a chance to work. In truth, we tried to run away. Now, I feel that we should have continued our lives as they were, I should have had my therapy, enjoyed our home and friends, with a better appreciation of how precious each day is and count the blessings. Lots of good things have happened since, new friends and new homes but none like the old ones we left behind. We need old friends as we age who shared what we were when young together. Seems to me that we must cherish the old in order to maintain the "normalacy" that we all speak about Leroy. Have a lovely week-end with Laurie and continue getting stronger. You are because I can "hear" it in your messages. "See" you Monday.

Sent by J C R | 8:26 AM ET | 05-23-2008

You're so right that the gift of time is our most precious gift. May none of us ever forget it.

Sent by Susan C | 8:33 AM ET | 05-23-2008

The gift of time--something for all of us to think about, whether we've had a serious diagnosis or not. You speak about time with friends, a treasure we can all enjoy but one that takes time, attention, and effort. Thanks for your perspective today, Leroy, on how we might all consider how we are spending our time. The truth is that we are all terminal. Some of us have just been given an estimated date, and any of us could be gone before sunset tonight. You inspire me to think about how I'll use my Gift of Time today.

Ann

Sent by Ann | 8:39 AM ET | 05-23-2008

Do you find it hard to concentrate on a book or a movie? I often wondered what state of mind a person with cancer is in after the "shock" wears off. I can't imagine the fear ever goes away so that would be somewhat consuming.

I don't know if you are a believer in God Leroy but I hope I can meet you in Heaven one day to thank you personally for what you have done for so many people with this blog. I don't think you will ever know what you have done for us. How selfless. Thank you.

You take care and enjoy today. Happy Memorial Day.

God Bless you.

Judy

Sent by Judy Voller | 8:48 AM ET | 05-23-2008

I, too, dislike the 'fight' concept. The 'battle' analogies. It's a disease - we're dealing with it, being treated for it....but the implication that we have to battle and fight in order to 'win' is distastful....so, those who don't battle or fight hard enough lose?

k8

Sent by kate | 9:02 AM ET | 05-23-2008

Dear Leroy,
We who have "old" long time friends are so blessed. I am 68 years old. When I was in first grade we moved just after school started so everything was in full swing and I was the late comer. A girl came up and tapped me on the shoulder and said "don't you live across the street from me?". She is still my best friend some sixty years later. She has moved and I have moved. We have both had some tough times in life, but she is the closest I will come to having a sister. I have ten or twelve other friends I have known since grammar school. What a blessing to have known these people for so many years. I have new friends and they are a blessing. Friends do take time, but I can't imagine life without them. I worked with a woman years ago who frequently said you are stuck with your relatives but you can choose your friends!
Charlotte in Rural Ridge, PA

Sent by Charlotte Kewish | 9:18 AM ET | 05-23-2008

Might "wrestle" be a word more your style, treatment would equate to the goals of position, balance & leverage from were you can better control and someday pin cancer.

Think comforting thoughts for Memorial Day.

Hold Fast, & don't miss the chance to give cancer a wedgie.

Don MacLeod

Sent by Don MacLeod | 9:20 AM ET | 05-23-2008

If we all knew the hour of our death, how would we spend that precious time? It truly is a gift. I'd certainly bemoan the time spent fighting the disease, time that could be spent doing meaningful or pleasurable things. I wish you the gift of time, Leroy

Sent by Alycia Keating | 9:25 AM ET | 05-23-2008

Thank you, Leroy. Our time this weekend will be spent with family. Our daughter and husband and our two grandboys are driving here. We will go to museums, eat good food, go swimming, laugh, take lots of photos and just try to live in the moment. The sun is shining and we will all try to forget about "cancer world". We will embrace life and the time we have right now!
Happy Memorial Day to you and Laurie.

Sent by Beth | 9:37 AM ET | 05-23-2008

Hi Leroy,
couldn't help but think of the movie Contact with Jody Foster. It always helps me put time in perspective. When late for appointments, often will say over and over to myself, time is standing still, and yeah how are we suppose to measure time anyway??? Sending many stand still painless moments in time.

Sent by sarah | 9:37 AM ET | 05-23-2008

Thanks for shining light on another really juicy issue today, Leroy. Like JCR, I detect a different voice in your recent entries. You sound both powerful and focussed like a laser at the heart of the issues we confront daily.
I also want to thank JCR for sharing part of his story which really spoke to a nagging doubt I've been wrestling with---are there extraordinary things/journeys I should be doing/taking rather than what I am doing with the time I've been gifted with? That's a question that has troubled me for many months.
JCR's story has helped me to decide that staying in my world and the people who mean the most to me is as 'right' a choice as any.
Thank you both for today's wisdom.

Sent by Anita Solomon | 9:43 AM ET | 05-23-2008

80,000 perished in China last week another 100,000 in Burma - None of them knew their time was up. The lives they lead before their passing were much harder than anything we experience.
As a cancer patient in 2008 in the Western world, with our mortality clearly in focus, we are still blessed. We have the knowledge to wring as much out of every pleasurable experience, to accomplish things in earnest and have access to care that gives us the hope.
On this this Memorial Day Weekend - lets all eat heartily, drink merrily, laugh with gusto and remember with pride those that perished to preserve our way of life.

Sent by Tim | 9:49 AM ET | 05-23-2008

I'm so glad you spend some of your time doing this blog and am deeply grateful you've been given more time than you might have through you'd have at one point.

Sent by N.R. | 10:00 AM ET | 05-23-2008

Hi Leroy,
You ask good questions. I've never thought about how I use my time. I will today though. Today I will use most of it thinking of my daughters, Sara & Layla. So just thinking today. Peace of mind if you will.
It was tough for my precious wife Marina to focus on life when she was thinking about the cancer.
She would always tell me to focus on life and the future. Not much of a future without her, but.

Have a great weekend Leroy.
I like the comment about making a list to do for others. How thoughtful and glorious.

May the Lord richly bless you today Leroy.

Sent by Donato Salazar | 10:06 AM ET | 05-23-2008

Sometimes thinking too hard about how best to spend precious time can take away from the joy of it. In other words, there is pressure to make every minute COUNT. Which volunteer job is the perfect one, if it may be the last? Or which grand voyage? I can't figure it out. Simple, unspectacular things work better, like taking a walk with someone I love, reveling in the beauty and amazing diversity of nature, listening with full attention to a piece of music. But if I focus too much on what a gift each moment is, then anything frivolous or ordinary seems like wasting time.

Sent by Doris | 10:12 AM ET | 05-23-2008

Leroy, I hope you and those near and dear to your heart have a joyous holiday weekend! Thank you again for your food for thought. I think I'm becoming adicted to it - but it's a good thing!
and, Tim, thanks for your Memorial Day message, and it is my message too! Blessings to all 'til we meet again...
ditto, Tim!
"On this this Memorial Day Weekend - lets all eat heartily, drink merrily, laugh with gusto and remember with pride those that perished to preserve our way of life."

Sent by Linda Lee | 10:19 AM ET | 05-23-2008

Leroy:
You said,"But the bottom line here is that I'm talking about how to spend time I never thought I'd have." Many of today's answers gave suggestions on how to spend that precious time.
I've been spending some time lately, along with other survivors, reflecting on what Cancer has taught us. Here are answers to that question from six survivors :
My Cancer has made me read between the lines of the Book of Life.

Cancer has taught me that being a "Survivor" is more about attitude, less about statistics.

My Cancer has made me revisit my dreams, and dare to hope that they are still possible.

My Cancer has made me really appreciate my world.

My Cancer has made me grow up into a kid again.

Cancer has made me able to live without fear.

If anyone has a different answer they'd like to add they are welcome to
visit http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/writingforwellness. This site is for Cancer Survivors who use writing to help them heal. I know that answering your daily posting has helped me and is helping everyone in some way.
Love, Don

Sent by don winslow | 10:51 AM ET | 05-23-2008

On this Memorial Day, lets remember those that are no longer with us, and also, let us stay close and love those that are....
I hope you all have a wonderful weekend creating new memories, and reliving the old ones!
To those of you that just lost your loved ones, know that you are in our hearts, and you have our prayers!

Sent by Laurie Hirth | 10:53 AM ET | 05-23-2008

I wish everyone a Happy Memorial Day and thank you, Leroy, for this blog which has created strong bonds between us all. I have taken the comments about Time to heart and am learning to cherish every day and not let fear crash in and take hold. Not always easy, but I'm trying.

Sent by Tina from Alton IL | 11:00 AM ET | 05-23-2008

Excellent discussion. Time is indeed what we have and what we can share with others - and have shared. The time we have already had is very much a party of ourselves - and the relationships that will carry on beyond our physical lives and be shared with future generations. I take some comfort in the fact that we are all part of larger networks and communities of being - including this one. In regard to that, it might enrich this blog to have more crosstalk and response to one another. Just a thought.

Shalom

John Shippee

Sent by John Shippee | 11:02 AM ET | 05-23-2008

Leroy,

If only all of us could know what you have learned - but at the beginning of our lives! We'd live in a totally different world! Have a great weekend.

Blessings.

Sent by Diana Kitch | 11:03 AM ET | 05-23-2008

I'm sure that this blog was never on any "bucket list" that you even remotely thought about before cancer. What a good use of your time this blog has been, I know for us and hope for you. Perhaps as someone suggested adding onto each one's bucket list, do something good for others in need.

You have certainly exceeded this requirement. I'm certain that you have received many awards, accolades and acknowledgements for the outstanding work you've done in your storied career but I would bet that nothing you've done previously has made such a difference in so many lives as this blog. You've set the bar very high for us to try to help others in need but it is a worthy goal and enables us to strive to put our remaining time on this earth to very good use.

Blessings and prayers for you and Laurie and all of Leroy's bloggers.

Sent by Al Cato | 11:26 AM ET | 05-23-2008

Leroy, Everyday is a gift. We don't think of it that way, when we are younger and not sick, but we do now. I have a great life, have enjoyed almost every minute of it. I could have done without ducking bullets, but I was bulletproof at the time. When we were young, the things we talk about now happen to someone else. But, everyone gets their time at the plate, experience helps you deal with it, understand, reconcile, etc. When I was young I would have just been mad. Sure I want to be around as long as possible and I will do everything I can to accomplish that goal. Eventually though, you run out of bullets, but when that does happen I will know I did everything I could against the Beast. Same as you, my friend. Have a great weekend. Stan

Sent by Stan Wozniak | 11:35 AM ET | 05-23-2008

We are in California for a vacation. A week away from any blood tests or infusions for me and it it real good. Saw an ad that said "I have cancer. It doesn't have me." It shall be a new saying for me and I hope it works for you and all on the blog. Have a wonderful weekend. With care.

Sent by anne | 12:30 PM ET | 05-23-2008

Last June I put my house for sale. I am one of the fortunate ones who found a buyer and in 3 weeks closing. I put in my resignation at work..and next week is my last week. Over the past year, after my 2nd bout with cancer...much has happened -- a process of elimination of things in my life. A major one being my husband of 24 yrs. It has been a long time coming and a good thing too. He says he hasn't changed (he's right, and will end up drinking himself to death) and I HAVE changed..not only by time, but by cancer. I moved to SoFL 15 yrs ago so he would have a new start -- and now I am returning to the Midwest where my values were rooted and my heart never left. I will be seeing my relatives and friends I grew up with -- returning to the bonds that formed the base of who I am now. They say you can't go home again, but at 62 I feel I have been given a second chance to re-appreciate the people in my life who know me flaws and all and still love me. It's not about things--things end up owning you. I will travel light as we are all just backpackers on this journey of life anyway. Won't have a computer after 6/12 for awhile until I get set up in next abode, but rest assured...I will be checking in on you Leroy and all my fellow commenters and your website readers! Thank you for allowing God to use you for His purpose---to reach out to touch others with a whole new perspective on the disease and on life!

Sent by Jo Ann Baswell-Margate,FL | 12:42 PM ET | 05-23-2008

Hi Leroy,You are so interesting to read and to share your thoughts with you. You are right, would we do things differently or cram things in if we knew that IT was going to be shorter than we had planned. I hope that you can do some of the things that you REALLY WANT TO DO and enjoy time with Laurie AND WITH YOU. You are such a special person and I thank G-d for this wonderful blog!

Have a wonderful holiday weekend.

Janice

Sent by Janice Goldberg White | 12:46 PM ET | 05-23-2008

How about (as an alternative to "fight"), thinking of our experiences as "engaging with", or an "engagement with" not just cancer but everything that urgent health concerns entails?

And as for measuring time, I count mine by another magnolia-scented spring, firefly-filled summer evening, autumnal riot of color fall, or day in the rocking chair by the fire in winter. Another feast of beauty, another fresh tomato, another hearing of favorite music, telling of family stories, another poem published, another painting from a friend, another chance to say "I love you" and to nestle my nose in my husband's neck and inhale deeply .....

Sent by Sarah | 12:57 PM ET | 05-23-2008

Leroy -
Perhaps we should measure our lives in those experiences you mention, rather than in units of time. If I have 75 books left to read, or 60 movies left to see, then I'll be more discerning in my choices. If I have 100 good conversations left to enjoy, then I'll consider how my words might outlive me. If I have 10 places left to visit, than I'll go to those where my spirit is free. We can never know how many moments - days - years we have left, but we can try and live each of them with presence.

Sent by Patte | 12:58 PM ET | 05-23-2008

God Bless and protect our protectors here on earth, our military, both men and women where ever they are this Memorial Day, and all those who have gone before who gave the ultimate sacrifice for what is still the greatest country on earth. You are not forgotten and I appreciate you with all my heart. Bless also, everyone of you on this blog, with peace, comfort, healing, and joy, wherever you find it.

Sent by Connie | 1:16 PM ET | 05-23-2008

To Maureen,

I am sorry for you and your husband at the loss son. I could agree more with you about hospice, they are truly angels in what they do. May time allow healing and only happy memories to prevail.

Sent by Sue Chap | 1:38 PM ET | 05-23-2008

It's interesting that you don't like the word "fight." I have stage 4 b.c. AND I write healthcare advertising. I am currently working on a cancer campaign and used the phrase "cancer-fighting options' ... but have to find an alternative because the oncology administrator doesn't like the words fight or battle, etc. I jokingly offered up "cancer-discouraging options" ... but seriously, what other word really describes what we're going through??? I personally hate the word "journey" ... sounds too much like a vacation or a pleasant adventure.

Sent by julie smith | 2:04 PM ET | 05-23-2008

Hi Leroy and all posters,

Great column today and great posts, as well.

Sent by Marcy in NJ | 4:21 PM ET | 05-23-2008

Leroy:
Earlier today I mentioned a website for healing through writing. I didn't give the correct address. Please go to
http://www.writingforwellness.net/ and scroll down to "A Place to Share your Thoughts". Sorry for the error, it's probably a chemo/radiation brain attack.
Love, Don

Sent by don winslow | 4:43 PM ET | 05-23-2008

Maureen may you and your husband have peace. Your son Andrew has peace always now. We all will remember each of our loved ones this Memorial Day as we remember too the thousands of brave men and women who gave and contine to give ive us the freedom to live our lives as we wish. For those who have died to give us that right and for those that serve to protect that right, know that we are ever grateful and respectful.

Sent by Lucy | 4:53 PM ET | 05-23-2008

A wonderful friend once told me "if I die today, it will be o.k. I never dreamed I would get to do all the things I have been able to do in my life." It was a real "aha moment" for me and I focus on all the things I have gotten to do that I never dreamed of when I was a child. To me, it's all about the quality of the time we are here. Peace and love everyone.

Sent by N. Holmes | 5:44 PM ET | 05-23-2008

Great to catch up on your posts. Thank you for using your gift for writing to talk about cancer in such an honest way. The waiting for tests and such feels like such a heavy burden. I have often wanted to make waiting rooms and offices happier places. I made artwork for my oncologist's office and they still have it hanging there.

I just met with a surgeon to start the scheduling of a prophylactic mastectomy and she was such a wonderful woman, caring, thorough and clear. I just want to hug the doctors who make the "adventure" that much more pleasant.

Enjoy the long weekend, what could be better than that?

Sent by Sarah | 9:04 PM ET | 05-23-2008

Amen to the gift of time comment. It's a reminder to myself to use it wisely - visit with an elderly neighbor who recently became widowed.

There's never enough time but I'm determined to make the most of what we have while I can.

May the Memorial Day holiday be one of memories both new and old.

Sent by Marie | 11:00 PM ET | 05-23-2008

Re your comment: "I still don't like the word "fight", but I haven't come up with a better one yet..."
A friend described her (now deceased) husband's experience as a "dance with cancer." I found that incredibly moving and apt.
My husband has been "dancing with cancer" for almost three years now. Sometimes it's a tango, sometimes a foxtrot, sometimes a tarantella.

Sent by susan minker | 1:24 PM ET | 05-24-2008

What a beautiful man you are Leroy...you seem to me to have captured the elusiveness of time and it's meaning in a very poetic way. Time takes on so many dimensions. It is not really linear when it comes to appreciating life. When we suffer, experience long periods of joy, the drudgeries of work, intense creativity, time seems to enter a different dimension. Our own attitudes can expand time into a broad expansive plain where each moment is as crisply experienced as if time were standing still. This is when it is as you say, a gift. We treat it as a special friend we don't want to leave. We drink in every last drop of the experience, savoring it leaving nothing unappreciated. Or our attitudes can narrow time into a small slit of light, like a rushing subway train racing towards us out of an envelope of darkness into a short burst of light, as we stand on the subway platform. Then just as quickly it rushes by us and into the darkness again. We hardly see or feel a thing. yet we know it has past as we feel the wind whooshing by and the noise that comes and goes. Acceptance of our situation seems to me to determine which attitude we choose: whether we see the time we have as a burden or something we take for granted or as a gift.

To see time as such a gift, as you do, is what so many people desperately, but unknowingly , seek all their lives but never find. Therein lies the meaning of life: to achieve the ability to hold this precious gift of time and life in one's hand and consciously realize they are one and the same. - Graham from Sag Harbor

Sent by Graham G. Hawks | 10:14 PM ET | 05-24-2008

You are so right Leroy et.al. As my mother winds down her final days of the cancer battle, she has said numerous times, "I didn't think I would go downhill this fast." This reiterates what all have said - Seize the moment, tell the ones you love thanks, sorry or whatever needs to be said, take that one/two day trip, write that letter.

Peace.

Sent by Heather | 5:42 PM ET | 05-25-2008

Personally, I think "fight" is a good word to describe the process in which any one of us in the midst of any illness. After all, each one of us has 'fought a cold' at least once in our life. We try zinc, vaporub, and any other 'fix' we can get our hands on just to lessen the cough, sneeze, and congestion. How much more of a fight it becomes when we know that it won't go away on it's own in two weeks! So, we fight...with every resource we can, medically, emotionally, and spiritually. Keep fighting, Leroy!

Sent by Carol | 6:48 PM ET | 05-25-2008

I remember hearing in a song that cancer patients do not buy green bannanas as we may not have the time until they turn yellow....I cried for hours. In spite of expiry dates I have just bought lots of small vegetable plants for the garden. WE all deserve to live at least until our own gardens are complete.

Sent by carrie Belair | 11:31 PM ET | 05-25-2008

Leroy,

Hello, have you seen the movie version of the musical, RENT? It's opening song is beautiful: "Measure In Love."

Peace to you and the world this Memorial Day.

Heartlight,
Kim & Virgie & Gracie

Sent by Kim | 7:39 AM ET | 05-26-2008

The ancient Greeks were smarter about time than we are. We have but one paltry English word for time, but they have two distinct words: kairos and chronos. Chronos is time as we usually think of it: the ticking of the clock, the crossing-out of boxes on the calendar. Kairos is something else altogether. The word is sometimes translated "the right time" or "the fullness of time." It describes those moments when chronological time seems to stand still: the wide-eyed kid surveying the Christmas tree, the moment after "Will you marry me?" before a response is forthcoming - and, I suppose also, the moment after the doc says, "I have your test results."

One of the essential skills for cancer survivors is learning to be attentive to the kairos moments, living from one to the next without regard for the ticking of the clock. We're all learning that skill.

Carl
"A Pastor's Cancer Diary"
http://www.cewilton.blogspot.com

Sent by Carl Wilton | 3:13 PM ET | 05-26-2008