An Emotional Time

First, I want to thank you all for the outpouring of support. It means so much.

I don't really know what to say today. I will admit that I am a little overwhelmed.

I am getting busy. It's time to take the phrase "getting your affairs in order" seriously. There have been difficult conversations, with more to come.

I find that I am more emotional than usual, and I wonder if that's because of the situation or the brain tumors. Seriously.

I know that I have a difficult road ahead of me. I just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

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Dear, Dear Leroy,
My precious Dad passed away, August 13th, 2007, one month less a day, exactly after I finished treatments. His advise to me all his life was "One foot ahead of the other and keep walking my lady"...well the same to you, as you said....one foot ahead of the other, and keep walking, dear, dear man. I am sure you must realize that all of us, are thinking of you constantly, and praying for God's Grace. You are one very special human being.
Prayers, Blessings and May The Grace Of God Be With You.
Wanda Amorose

Sent by Wanda Amorose | 7:08 AM | 6-10-2008

Through your sharing, we have been traveling this road with you. And, as long as you are here, we will continue to share your journey.

Peggy

Sent by Peggy | 7:21 AM | 6-10-2008

Dear Leroy:

It must be difficult, I can imagine. I want to tell u a story. A bit over a year ago, I was dx with stage IV cancer.. .completely out of the blue... I was in shock. .scared.. motionless... thinking that my then 3 year old son would be motherless in no time.. then , my friend called me and said: turn on the TV.. there is this show on Discovery Health... so I watched... yes I was impressed with Mrs Edwards and with Lance .. but YOU were the one that stayed with me.... not only for that evening but ever since my cancer journey began.. .words would never be enough to tell you what it meant to me.. to see a "normal guy"... not a big celebrity or public figure... but just another person that the Big C decided to pay a visit to. .... You have encouraged me, inspired me ad have walked along my side as I have walked this difficult road ....
And Leonardo Da Vinci said: " As a well spent day brings happy sleep... A life well spent brings happy death" ...
The fight is still on.... but know that you have helped so many of us... with your voice and words...
in my heart, Francesca , Z??rich, Switzerland

Sent by Francesca | 7:22 AM | 6-10-2008

Leroy and all who love you,

Thank you for making the choice to live with this cancer in such a positive way, and for teaching-by-example to all of us.

What is happening with you is all so personal and emotional, thus I don't know whether what I'm about to write will fit you. To "fight" and "battle" a disease seems to imply a situation in which, if your life ends because of it, you've somehow lost. Loser. Failure. Blame-game. I would wager a cold beverage of your choice that this thought has come up. But you are showing us that this is absolutely untrue, and that we can do a lot to change our own perspectives by simply saying "live with." Go for it, in strength and in peace.

Sent by Nan | 7:27 AM | 6-10-2008

God bless you, Leroy.. I wish I could make it all well.. You have become very important in my life.. You don't ALWAYS have to be tough and strong though... Know what I mean, Vern??? smile

Sent by Patsy Elmore | 7:27 AM | 6-10-2008

Leroy and Laurie

I am so sorry you are having to go through this awful ordeal. You have given so much to all of us in the cancer world. What can we do for you and Laurie? There must be something given this wonderful following of bloggers you have.

Sent by Pam | 7:28 AM | 6-10-2008

Dearest Leroy and Laurie,
The road you go down is exceptionally difficult to navigate, but I cannot help but visualize the huge army of your supporters walking with you.
We love you,
M.A. Sullivan
Charlottesville, VA

Sent by M.A. Sullivan | 7:34 AM | 6-10-2008

Leroy,
One foot in front of the other...that is the marine definition of courage. You can do that. I read the top of your blog today...words to live by. "It's still life and it is still worth living"
Sending you peaceful thoughts and prayers.

Sent by Mary C. in Kingston, MA | 7:36 AM | 6-10-2008

leroy, can hardly type for crying. you are a friend to all of us, like family. much love to you and laurie. sarah

Sent by sarah | 7:37 AM | 6-10-2008

*hugs*

Sent by katie | 7:38 AM | 6-10-2008

I don't know where your brain tumors are--are they in a spot that is related to the regulation of emotion? Regardless, the situation alone would justify being emotional. Don't feel you have to present a strong front for us--or present anything to us at all if it becomes overwhelming. We'll understand if you don't want to keep posting everyday--as long as we get updates now and then!

I'm so sorry things are the way they are right now.

Sent by N.R. | 7:39 AM | 6-10-2008

Laurie
Now is the time for you to be strong. You have it in reserves. Find something to love each other about every day and be grateful for it. The stress is often overwhelming and the guilt when you lose your cool can be immense and lasting.

For you both, to be there for each other is your good and noble calling.

Sent by Irene | 7:39 AM | 6-10-2008

Take a little time so you don't make emotional decisions.

Everyone's postings yesterday were so touching! When you are feeling down, just re-read them and you will be reminded how many people care.

Stay cool today!

Sent by Liz L. | 7:39 AM | 6-10-2008

I don't have anything I can really add for you that hasn't already been said so well by so many others. However, don't forget that now might be the perfect time for all those "what have I got to lose" things in your life.

Sent by Reed Proctor | 7:40 AM | 6-10-2008

Yet~ another Good Morning Leroy! As devastated as you must be to have been told such news, there still is that faint voice I can't help but hear that is saying "Doctors are not Gods and they can and have been wrong". Since I am aging on in my last chapter, I have tried to keep"my affairs in order" as much as possible anyway. I realize the inevitable and can accept it. I am grateful to know that it is coming and I, being a control freak, have time to prepare as it approaches. That helps keep me busy. I am not morbid about it but like you Leroy, realistic. We are not done - yet, and have more work to do. What thoughts and experiences you have to think and write about. Certainly not a dull, mondane life! We are ALL in this together! How many never even have the chance at life? Our son only lived two days. Leroy, this is the fight of your Life!

Sent by J C R | 7:41 AM | 6-10-2008

Leroy, don't forget to take time off for a little Laurie and Leroy moment. The stress the both of you are under is overwhelming, and you will need a cancer break. Take it when you can. Continued prayers for you both and this huge family you have created.

Sent by Laurie Hirth | 7:42 AM | 6-10-2008

Leroy,
My vote would be that its the situation and not the brain tumors that have your emotions running high. My latest scans showed something new and 'worrisome'. I had a bit of a melt down over it. 4 days later I still tear up at odd times for no outwardly apparent reason. With all that cancer patients and their caregivers, familes and their doctors face on a daily basis, it's a wonder that there is any Kleenex left on the store shelves at night!
Rocco
Stage IV - Melanoma

Sent by Rocco | 7:45 AM | 6-10-2008

Leroy,
I still don't have any words of wisdom to make these days easier for you but just know how many people are thinking of you and wishing you some peace. Everytime we have faced a crises there is the pattern of shock, denial, acceptance and then fight. I know your fight is getting more difficult but I only hope you are able to come to terms with your decisions. To Laurie, I know this is very difficult for you as the caregiver. I have been the cheerleader for 4 years and it is not easy. We too have to make peace and so do our families. God bless both of you.

Sent by kathie | 7:50 AM | 6-10-2008

Dear Leroy,
Greetings from Malaysia. I have been a silent reader for almost a year and without fail, I would read your blog around 8pm Malaysian time which is 8am yours so I could read just after you published.
I am so very sorry to hear the news and my prayers are for you and all of you out there confronted with the beast.
Stay strong.

Rose, Penang, Malaysia

Sent by Rosnah | 7:52 AM | 6-10-2008

Dear Leroy,

I can understand your emotions, as well as the importance of getting your affairs in order. It is better not to feel too rushed in doing that. There will be difficult conversations and decisions ahead for you and Laurie. Leave nothing unsaid than needs to be said.

Obviously, there is mighty army behind you in the showing of support and I am certain we will remain there, sharing every step you take.

Stay strong! You, Laurie, and the entire LA remain in my prayers.

Sent by Sue Chap | 7:55 AM | 6-10-2008

Leroy,
My late husband found "getting his affairs in order" an unexpected comfort. I hope that you do as well. It was a practical task that he could undertake and he was very reassured that his family would be solvent after he was gone.

It's a strange and odd balancing act to do all the work necessary to prepare for the end while still hanging onto Hope and the will to live.

Best Wishes to you and Laurie. One day at a time, one foot in front of the other.

Sent by Marilyn | 7:56 AM | 6-10-2008

The grace with which you are handling all of this is truely inspiring. Thank you.

Sent by Ingrid | 7:57 AM | 6-10-2008

Leroy, Just tell us what we can do.

Sent by Lisa | 8:00 AM | 6-10-2008

Dear Leroy,
I am writing with tears in my eyes. You have been such an inspiration and help to so many.
I am visualizing all of us standing with you, ready to take the next step.
Love and prayers,
Helen McGurl Gesiotto
Fairfax County

Sent by Helen McGurl Gesiotto | 8:09 AM | 6-10-2008

We are here for you.

Sent by JlMoyer | 8:12 AM | 6-10-2008

Stay strong! I know you hear that all the time. Find peace within yourself and knowing that all your loved ones will be ok and and you will find peace with that as well. These are difficult times and you are in my thoughts and prayers everyday.

There is no doubt that you are more emotional lately than you normally are, these are not the easiest of times and the talks you are having are not ones that we look forward to.

My heart skips beats more than ever now when I read your blog Leroy. More than ever I completely understand what you are going through in a way, although I will never fully understand. You have helped me to deal with my dad's passing (6 months this Saturday) and I am currently reliving what we went through in his final days and I hurt so much for you Leroy...I wish that I could change things for you and make them better for ALL CANCER PATIENTS of all kinds and for the hurting loved ones.

Just do all that you can now and spend all the time you can doing WHATEVER you want and making sure you are happy...we have one life to live and might as well go out doing what you love doing best, having no regrets and knowing that you are loved and that your loved ones are taken care of.

I am praying for you! Keep your head up...NO MATTER WHAT...show the BEAST!

With lots of love your way and prayers,
Cristina Barthel

Laurie,
You, too, are in my thoughts and prayers. You are so important to Leroy right now, ore than ever. That love and support we provide as supporters is so great right now.
With love,
Cristina

Sent by Cristina Barthel | 8:13 AM | 6-10-2008

Dearest Leroy and Laurie,

I think that you are emotional because this is an emotional time; I would think that every single emotion that we have is being opened up very wide right now. All the stupid things that people say come to mind - life is not fair; only the good die young. I don't know if it is BS but it is so true for you. You have done so very much with your life when you were working; you have done so very much for the hundreds of us who go to you first thing to see what you have said that day. You are and will be a success at everything that you do.
Laurie is so lucky to have you PERSONALLY in her life; we are so lucky to have you the way that we have you in our lives.
You know that we are all praying for you and that illusive miracle. May G-d give you both the strength for this and may you have the time and strength to say all that needs to be said and even had a little joy left! G-d bless you.

Jan

Sent by Janice Goldberg White | 8:17 AM | 6-10-2008

Leroy
You will remain in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you for saying the things that I have felt but could not communicate during my journey with cancer. I cannot imagine what you and Laurie are dealing with. But like you have so frequently reminded us before - you are not alone.
Peace be with you.

Sent by jessie | 8:21 AM | 6-10-2008

Leroy and Laurie, we care and are with you. One foot in front of the other.

Sent by dorothy in oregon | 8:22 AM | 6-10-2008

I thought you might need a smile today...a funny story
An 86 year old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk....
The Receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the doctor for today?"
"There's something wrong with my dick", he replied.
The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that."
"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said.
The receptionist replied; "Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something, and discussed the problem further with the doctor in private."
The man replied, "You shouldn't ask people questions in a room full of strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone." The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered.
The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes??"
"There's something wrong with my ear", he stated.
The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. "And what is wrong with your ear, Sir??"
"I can't piss out of it," he replied.
The waiting room erupted in laughter

Sent by Tara | 8:22 AM | 6-10-2008

I remember watching you for the first time on the Discovery Special and you said something that has resonated with me ever since - you are now part of special club - most members don't ever want to join, but behind the scare and darkness of cancer - there is a group of people who are there to help you along your path in this new club. Unfortunately this is one part of membership that is not a benefit. Regardless of the circumstance of your current membership with the club - everyone is here just as they were on day one. You inspire so many of us to deal with our own journey in the honorable and open way you have. Your impact on the world is bigger than you can imagine. Livestrong and keep putting one foot in front of the other. Our thoughts and prayers are with you.

Sent by Glenn Gleason | 8:33 AM | 6-10-2008

Leroy

I still can't find any words...my heart just hurt yesterday when I read the first line of your blog. No matter how prepared we think we are, nothing can get you prepared for hearing that news. I am so sorry for both you and Laurie...but we are all here cheering you on in this "fight". I'll be thinking of you!!! Hugs!!!

Sent by Tess from KY | 8:36 AM | 6-10-2008

Dear Leroy and Laurie,

For two years I have used this blog as a teaching tool in a course on chronic illness for nurse practitioners at UMass Dartmouth. I share it as an example of the "lived experience" straight from the hearts of those who know best. Your words, and those of all who respond to you on a daily basis teach us -- the caregivers. Light, hope and love to you....Sandy H. Lakeville, MA

Sent by Sandy Haworth | 8:39 AM | 6-10-2008

Leroy,
I read your post everyday, but don't post often. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
I remember what John Wayne once said, "Courage is being scared to death - and saddling up anyway."
Ride on, my friend.
- Kathy

Sent by Kathy | 8:44 AM | 6-10-2008

thats all you can do, one step at a time, one appt at a time, one task at a time....

Emotions are not something to fight, they are there for a reason.

blessings leroy

Sent by Jenn | 8:45 AM | 6-10-2008

At times like this, only family and very close friends are normally allowed into the "inner circle" to walk hand-in hand with a loved one towards the "light". You have blessed us, your army of bloggers, by allowing us into your inner circle. Our virtual hands are tightly clasping yours as we walk together. We do not know what tomorrow may bring but we hope and pray for the best. You have touched our hearts and souls. We are forever linked together by your generosity and goodness for allowing us to share this journey.

I continue to pray for God's mercy, grace and healing power to be visited upon you.

Sent by Al Cato | 8:45 AM | 6-10-2008

My thoughts are with you, Laurie, and your family at this very difficult time. It's another stage and you'll show us all how to do it with grace and courage. And that includes the down and depressing parts. They are part of life.

Sent by Kathy | 8:47 AM | 6-10-2008

You're the boss & a gifted producer. Delegating some tasks would be your prerogative. On the affairs in order topic, I sometimes think about epitaphs. Right now I'm liking...

"I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it." -- Groucho Marx.

I'm still looking... so it's not carved it in stone.....

Hold Fast & small steps are inherently stable.

Don MacLeod

Sent by Don MacLeod | 8:48 AM | 6-10-2008

I again don't know what to say.

So...peace and hugs.

Sent by Lori | 8:59 AM | 6-10-2008

Leroy and Laurie,

Sending love to both of you. I pray for a miracle.

Sent by George Giaimo | 9:01 AM | 6-10-2008

We love you Leroy...

Sent by Judy Voller | 9:01 AM | 6-10-2008

I can't really relate to anything you are going through Leroy, in any way, shape or form. I try to put myself in your shoes and I just can't imagine what feelings you must be having. When my son's friend Matt was at your point, he started writing his thoughts down that he wanted read at his funeral. Sorry if this is not what you or anyone else wants to hear. He told me "Everyone gives me encouraging words, but I'm not stupid. I know this is my last summer." Anyway, imagine writing those thoughts down at 16 years old. I don't know what the future holds for you. I don't know what is on the "other side". I just hope that as you take those steps forward you know that all of us here have our hands on your back.

Sent by Sue in Rochester, NY | 9:03 AM | 6-10-2008

Leroy,
"For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf,
and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack." Rudyard Kipling
Dig deep Wolf, your Pack is here and strong for you.
Much love to you & Laurie
from your fighting Irish friend,

Sent by Debra in New Hampshire | 9:07 AM | 6-10-2008

Dear Leroy, I am heartbroken for you. And for Laurie. And for us.

A friend of mine just died from cancer-- hers was a quick battle, less than a month and she was gone. But she was lucky, she did change the world. Anyone who met her knew that. She paved a path of caring and love wherever she went. And this is the same with you. Thankfully I saw my friend just before she passed so I was able to tell her how I felt. And now I will tell you. You have meant the world to me. That sounds so strange to say to someone I have never met, but you have helped me in so many ways. I cried with you, laughed with you, sighed and pondered. You have made such a difference in this world. What better legacy. How lucky we are to have shared this with you. Thank you for everything. I will expect a miracle for you, however it may appear. I don't want to be posting here after your passing to say how much you meant to me. I want you to travel wherever knowing it. Peace, peace, peace. namaste.
Susan

Sent by Susan | 9:08 AM | 6-10-2008

Leroy & Laurie,

No advice.....only love, loads and loads of love.

Thank you for your continuing lessons in living.

Sent by Sandi | 9:11 AM | 6-10-2008

God be with you and your family. I pray for your continued strength and peace. Keep up the fight - and know that many of us are praying for you and thinking of you every minute.

Sent by Deb from Michigan | 9:16 AM | 6-10-2008

I am thinking of you more and more since reading of your latest tests. Stay strong. Sometimes clearing things out can be liberating in a strange way.

Sent by mt | 9:16 AM | 6-10-2008

wishing clarity of mind to follow your inner guide and absolutely know its yours.
love and strenght to you
sarah

Sent by sarah | 9:18 AM | 6-10-2008

Thank-you Leroy for your honesty, ability to share you feelings and thoughts and taking us on a journey that we all share. My thoughts are with you and your family.
Molly

Sent by Molly | 9:19 AM | 6-10-2008

Dear Leroy,

many prayers for you and your loved ones. You have meant so much to so many.

Patty

Sent by Patty | 9:20 AM | 6-10-2008

One of my great fears with my diagnosis is that when I do pass, will my life have meant anything? It is a frightening, lonely thought. No one is going to be naming buildings in my honor. Leroy, you will be remembered by all of us. You have not lived your life on island. You have touched us all forever. It is my sincerest hope you can find peace.

Sent by Dave | 9:24 AM | 6-10-2008

I just read yesterday's blog. I'm so sorry. I know it's hard to be optomistic. But I think it's just as hard to give in to this beast. My prayers are with you and your family.

Linda

Sent by Linda | 9:26 AM | 6-10-2008

Dear Leroy and Laurie,
You are walking a path we fear and you are showing us how to do it with courage and grace. You are in my prayers.
Charlotte in Rural Ridge, PA

Sent by Charlotte Kewish | 9:27 AM | 6-10-2008

Last year when my son with sick with cancer we SO wanted to watch your documentary Living with Cancer. We missed it by a day! (We don't watch much TV) I was really disappointed so I wrote Ted Koppel, Discovery, anyone I could, trying to find out if I could get a video of the show or if it would be on again. No answer. But I did find you through my search. That was my blessing. Finding your blog Leroy was a God send for me and my husband as it made us feel like we were not alone through such a difficult time. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for being there for us. And even since his death last September I still read your blog every morning. Faithfully. Just to see how you are.

You had 369 comments yesterday. Can you imagine if everyone that reads this blog wrote you a note how many you would have had? We are the people living with this disease in some form or another. No matter what side of the fence we are with this disease it is so very painful. And it lingers in your life and heart forever. Help us Leroy. What will it take to end this suffering? Who do we need to talk to? Who do we need to contact? It is becoming unbearable to watch. And now you.

Thank you for everything you have given us. I had mentioned once on this blog that you should receive a Nobel Peace Prize for sharing your story and allowing us to share ours. I truly believe that is what needs to be done. I just don't know how to go about it.

I have had this Psalm taped to my desk at work since my son was diagnosed:

The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want; He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters; He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil; for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever. Psalm 23

God bless you Leroy. He is with you and I hope you find peace.

Judy

Sent by Judy Voller | 9:31 AM | 6-10-2008

Leroy,
I'm so thankful for you and for your willingness to share your walk with us. I will pray for peace for you and for Laurie and for wisdom for your doctors.

Sent by Kathy Groh Canby | 9:32 AM | 6-10-2008

Leroy - I must say I cannot even imagine what thoughts are running through your head, but as an avid reader of your blog and one of the thousands who you inspire I just know you will fight this head on. The facts are clear and your challenges are many. Just by sharing this with all of us you are helping us understand what it is like and you are showing us what a true HERO is all about. I wish you the best!

Keep Fighting & LIVESTRONG!

Sent by Brian Dowd | 9:32 AM | 6-10-2008

Dear Laurie,
As a fellow caregiver to the man that I love, I can appreciate what you must be going through. Leroy speaks of being emotional now but Laurie, I'm guessing you are mostly numb. I am like the "Energizer Bunny". Every morning, I turn myself on and do whatever needs doing for the day. It's mainly at night when the house is quiet that I allow my feelings to take over. Laurie, I wish you strength, energy, and tiny moments of the day when you realize that you haven't thought about cancer for a few minutes. I hope that you get to read all the posts. A lot of people are thinking of you.
Love and prayers,
Elaine

Sent by Elaine | 9:33 AM | 6-10-2008

You've inspired and changed us.

Sent by Alison | 9:36 AM | 6-10-2008

Dear Leroy and Laurie, What an amazing response, and that has to be just a small fraction of those who read regularly and whose lives you both have touched. I have rarely commented, but have been helped so much. Thank you again.

To Diana KC, My thoughts and prayers are with you too, as with all those going through this.

And to all who can: Please, Please make sure you are an organ donor. Sara D. who wrote in yesterday can be cured, if only there was a donor for her.
Blessings to all.

Sent by Cathy | 9:38 AM | 6-10-2008

Dear LeRoy,
Your eloquence continues.........helping all of us who care so much to understand as much as we possibly can what you must be going through. All of your readers ARE with you each day, loving you and holding you in our thoughts and prayers.
I'd think it is likely(being a cancer nurse) that "being emotional" is grief, as you begin to cope with this new loss, and prepare for your future. I have seen many times the same thing Marilyn did with the many people with cancer I've known. Somehow, doing the real preparation for death can free a human to focus on truly living the rest of their lives. This is all new again, LeRoy. Please be gentle with yourself as you face these new challenges. Love and peace to you. Terry

Sent by Terry Gremel | 9:39 AM | 6-10-2008

Dude, I know it has to be hard to realize that the time might be right to "get your affairs in order." But, I can tell you one of the biggest gifts my father gave to my family after he found out he had lung cancer was to do exactly that for himself and my mother. My parents planned everything, from end of life care, to the wills, to the funeral service, to who to call when necessary. At first, as their baby daughter, it upset me beyond words that they were doing this, but I'm glad now they did all their planning. What I didn't know then was the feeling of peace I would have after it was all over because I knew what happened and how it happened was what they wanted.

So, even though it might be hard to do, know that you're giving Laurie and your family a priceless gift by doing what you're doing.

Rock on, Leroy!

Sent by Joyce in FL | 9:40 AM | 6-10-2008

Dear Leroy,
I hope that when my time comes I am half as courageous as you are.
I wish I could have met you. I sort of did through this blog. And I'm lucky for that.

Sent by Alex | 9:42 AM | 6-10-2008

Leroy,
I just thought I would let you know how you have impacted my life. I have been reading your blog since almost the begining. when you write, oftentimes it is like you have been right inside of my head, only I can't express myself as well as you. I have a folder of Leroy favorites. things that you have written that are particularly meaningful to me. I will share them with other cancer people or reread them myself at times. I just wanted to say Thank You.
Think of yourself as the Verizon man with the army of people standing behind him.
Cathy

Sent by Cathy | 9:43 AM | 6-10-2008

Dearest Leroy,
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all that you have been through. Do you even realize how that will be of such great help to cancer patients in the future? You are a courageous man and a wonderful person. We all love you. I'm not sure what you're feelings or beliefs are about God, but here is something that has kept me going.....I say it over and over to myself until I believe it!

The Light of God surrounds me;
The Love of God enfolds me;
The Power of God protects me;
The Presence of God watches over me;
Wherever I am, God is.

Sent by Lyn Banghart | 9:51 AM | 6-10-2008

Leroy,
Thank you for sharing this journey with us. Please know you have SO many people who care for you. I wish you peace.

Sent by Kathleen, NJ | 9:53 AM | 6-10-2008

Dear Leroy,
No words today, just prayers. Too many tears............right now words cannot express what I am feeling in my heart.

Sent by sasha321 | 9:54 AM | 6-10-2008

Again, my thoughts and prayers are with you and Laurie. You have been and are an important support to many on this journey.

Shalom,

John Shippee

Sent by John Shippee | 9:55 AM | 6-10-2008

I'm a practical person by nature and a bit proud. Getting our legal and personal affairs in order is seen by many to be an act of "giving up." To me, it's just another of life's tasks and simply needs to be done. I treated it like a list. Living Will, check. Power of Attorney, check. Clear out all junk drawers, check. Begin giving away personal treasures, check. See, it wasn't all that hard.

Everyone has different personal circumstances. In my case, I have to be sure that my adult disabled son receives absolutely nothing from my estate to protect his Medicaid status. I also have a partner. As we are not legally married, I had to make sure he gets his fair share especially as he came into my life after my diagnosis and has been my loving caregiver ever since. My ex husband couldn't handle my prognosis (not unusual.)

As I preplanned my funeral, I found myself consoling the young man from the funeral home. I still "look healthy" so he wasn't prepared emotionally for me.

It certainly feels good to have all of my end of life issues taken care of. Brought me a kind of peace.

At least, being a celebrity, you won't have to write your own obituary! I haven't done that yet. Maybe I'll get to it. Maybe not.

By the way, I did all of this back in 2005 when I was thought to be at death's door. Well, I went into sudden and unexpected remission. Still there and still waiting for the other shoe to drop.

While I'm waiting for that other shoe, we're traveling, redecorating, eating well, making new friends, and enjoying sunsets. I suggest you do the same!

Sent by Sue Mersic | 9:56 AM | 6-10-2008

Leroy and Laurie,
It seems appropriate to repeat the
Eg Ser lyrics of Norwegian Bjoern Eidsvaag:

I see that you are tired
but I cannot take these steps for you,
You must take them yourself.
But I will walk with you,
But I will walk with you.

I see that you are in pain
but I cannot cry these tears for you.
You must cry, yourself.
But I will cry with you,
But I will cry with you.

You meet these moments with such grace and humility, Leroy. Thank you for continuing to share your story and your present with us.

Sent by Kay from PA | 9:56 AM | 6-10-2008

I spoke with my son last night and he asked why I was so down. I told him that a friend of mine received some devestating news... and that i was heartbroken. Thank you for giving so much of your life to us. You are truly our friend. We love you.
Liz Z

Sent by liz Zimmerman | 9:57 AM | 6-10-2008

Leroy -

I have been out of town and am just reading your last two posts.

I am so so sorry the cancer has spread. After I wipe my tears, my praying will get stronger.

What courage you have. I know you don't feel that way right now but you do.

Thanks for your candor today.

Sent by Melissa T | 9:58 AM | 6-10-2008

I've been following your blog for 3 years and everyday you touch the lives of so many. Many prayers coming to you & Laurie.

Sent by Mary M. | 9:59 AM | 6-10-2008

Hi Leroy. I wish you and Laurie the best as you navigate this most difficult path. I want to let you know that you will continue to be in my thoughts as you make the difficult decisions you alone must ultimately make. I also want to thank you for sharing your journey with us. It means a lot.

Sent by Jon Manchester | 10:01 AM | 6-10-2008

Dear Leroy & Laurie,

You sharing your life these past years is a blessing to all who are part of this on line community you have created by opening your heart to us.

Your bravery is clear in every post. I can see why your news reporting was widely admired.

You were able to travel to distant and dangerous places and still find room in your heart for new people. We have all found room in our hearts for you and you will always live there with us.

Holding you both in the Healing Light.

Sent by Free | 10:16 AM | 6-10-2008

It's a hard topic to talk about, death. I volunteer for hospice but am only a novice there. Above all I want you not to be in suffering from all the tumors that are attacking your body. I wish for you to have a good time, I want you to have a good chunk of it too. Sometimes what we want is not what we get. Being okay with that is so very important. I hope you are okay with whatever happens, and I am holding you and Laurie, all your friends and family close to my heart.

Sent by Alycia Keating | 10:18 AM | 6-10-2008

God bless you and your family and friends. You are much respected and much loved.

Sent by Carole | 10:21 AM | 6-10-2008

You have been traveling this difficult road, sharing your grace and courage with all of us. We are truly blessed to be allowed to walk with you. Every step.

Sent by Kahtleen | 10:23 AM | 6-10-2008

I am an avid reader of your blog and hope you have peace and comfort in the days ahead. As you begin to get your affairs in order, I would hope and encourage that you to consider publishing your entries in this blog as a book. From the many comments it is clear to see how many people in the cancer world have been helped by your posts. I am in my 30s and have never had cancer but I read your blog daily and find it gives me great perspective as I go through my daily life, balancing work, kids, the joys and struggles. I hope others will be able to benefit from your wisdom and humor for years and years to come. Thank you for sharing your life with so many of us.

Sent by Christina from MN | 10:24 AM | 6-10-2008

I can only imagine you are at the same thought process when we are first told we have cancer. Decisions..decisions..the magnitude of it all is overwhelming. At this point the difference is obvious -- in the begin of our cancer journey there was clearer directions how we would move forth. We would seek "treatment". It appears Leroy you might have reached the "Y" in the road. I am so glad you are feeling the support and caring from the Blog.

Sent by Carolyn Mohaupt | 10:26 AM | 6-10-2008

Leroy,

My heart breaks for you and Laurie. There are no words that can take any of this away, but please know that we are all praying for you. You've been a real God-send to people. Damn cancer and what it does.
"What lay ahead of us and what lay behind us are small matters compared to what lay within us." What's in you is stronger than the beast. Your fighting spirit and eloquent words are a source of inspiration for many. I wish you peace, hope, and strength.
--Tam, Secaucus

Sent by Tam | 10:27 AM | 6-10-2008

You get to be as emotional as you need to be. I am sure you will be experiencing profound sorrow, depression, numbness, and deep feelings of love for all those who love you so very much...
Let that love carry you when you can't face it alone. You are our hero, Leroy...and we send a deep well of support to Laurie, too!

Sent by NancyGM | 10:27 AM | 6-10-2008

Leroy-
I lost my sister-in-law to cancer 4 years ago. She fought a valiant battle and faced her ordeal with grace and dignity. She showed us how to live what life you have left with meaning. I have been reading your blog for over a year. And it's always struck me how you face everything with the same sense of humor, strength and fear. You continue to provide me with a frame of reference on how to live MY life. If anyone deserves a break it's you. Continue to fight for your life. And continue to inspire us all.

Sent by Mike Rosenwasser | 10:29 AM | 6-10-2008

Leroy,

I can't believe you keep writing every day - especially some days. You are a beautiful writer. I wonder, though, if you should consider opening up the blog to some of your responders for days that you might want off? Many who write are also excellent writers, as I'm sure you've noticed. My thoughts are with you through this hard time.

Sent by Marcia | 10:30 AM | 6-10-2008

Leroy and Laurie,

When my husband's cancer exploded (Hodgkins Lymphoma, Stage IV at diagnosis), we, too, had those difficult conversations. Many of them. I've never regretted them. And remember, you are both entitled to feel and be emotional at this time. Give in to your feelings, but keep putting one foot ahead of the other. So many people are praying for you. We send good wishes your way. Even the strong, need to vent their emotions, and it's all okay.

Sent by Ann | 10:32 AM | 6-10-2008

I'm not feeling very brave today and I'm sorry, Leroy. I don't want my husband to go, I don't want you to go, I don't want to lose the people I love. I just don't know what to do.

Sent by Tina from Alton IL | 10:35 AM | 6-10-2008

Dear Leroy & Laurie~

I'm currently reading Randy Pausch's book The Last Lecture. I'm struck to the core by a pair of men who have defied this Beast for years with humor, honesty, grace & eloquence. You have given me much to aspire to, much to inspire those around you. I will keep those lessons always.

Laurie, words fail me. God grant you strength, solace and peace.

To the legion that is Leroy's Army, your compassion brings me so much comfort. Thank you for all that you share as well.

Apropos of this unsettling news, a quote in an email this morning: "Heavy hearts, like heavy clouds in the sky, are best relieved by the letting of a little water."

Love to all~

Sent by Kate in CO | 10:36 AM | 6-10-2008

I hate the phrase "get your affairs in order". I don't know about you, but my affairs were in order, things were just the way I liked them ...until this damn cancer showed up. So I plan for a different future. But it isn't over till it's over. Courage.

Sent by Theresa Lovin | 10:40 AM | 6-10-2008

Mi estimado amigo. Usted no es solo cuando usted abre su coraz??n e invita al mundo adentro.

My dear friend. You are not alone when you open your heart and invite the world in. Your sadness is ours as well.

Sent by Sharon | 10:40 AM | 6-10-2008

Lots of love and sunshine...and the smell of the ocean and the sound of its waves...
Sandra Yudilevich

Sent by Sandra Yudilevich | 10:40 AM | 6-10-2008

Leroy and Laurie: My love and prayers are with you both. There is little else I could possibly say to try and comfort you. We are here, and we care deeply. You have touched our lives in a way that is beyond description. One person can and does make a difference. Thank you.

Sent by Kate | 10:43 AM | 6-10-2008

Death is a really illusive thing. When Stephanie Dornbrook's daughter wrote in to this blog that her mother was at the end of her life, I wanted to honor her by knowing her a little more before she passed. I went to her blog and read the updates. After she did pass, I decided to read her blog in its entirety which took me a couple of weeks. She was gone from this earth but very alive, invigorating, and inspiring to me as I learned who she was, what she valued, who and what she loved, what made her laugh, etc. I found her to be an amazing person and someone who could teach me a thing or two about being a great mother.
I periodically return to the blog to see how her family is doing and how the garden she planted, metaphorically, is thriving. And all this learning I have done has happened since she physically died, and she has no idea who I am or that I benefited from her humanity. Through the gift of this blog, Leroy, you are aware now of all the people whom you have helped learn life lessons. But, I know there will be many people who will discover your writings after you are gone who will reap these same benefits, and the circle of those you "know you" and cherish you will keep growing. So, are you "dead" if that is happening? I can't think so. That's what I mean by illusive; it seems Stephanie must be alive and well, just around corner, just out of sight, she is laughing and knitting and trying to keep a level head while all this difficult stuff is going on around her. In a way, for those of us not in the physical realm of your life, you will always be here teaching and encouraging and helping others. Bless you so much for that.

Sent by Katie | 10:49 AM | 6-10-2008

And we will be with you every step of this journey

Sent by JJ | 10:50 AM | 6-10-2008

Kay:

I just realized you can hear the Norwegian song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jXwzW6uRyz0

Beautiful, eh?

Sent by Liz L. | 10:53 AM | 6-10-2008

Leroy,
No words...just tears,prayers,and hope. I won't give up hope.

Sent by Stacy | 10:53 AM | 6-10-2008

This quote from a beautiful card struck me especially deep - and still brings me comfort.

"Death is not extinguishing the light; it is putting out the lamp because dawn has come."

Sent by Alice May from Nebraska | 10:53 AM | 6-10-2008

Hi Leroy,
I was sorry to read your last two posts. Please know that my prayers are with you. God has a plan for you and He will continue to provide! Right about now acknowledging your blessings might be a good thing to do. I know the news you received is overwhelming, but that still doesn't diminish the good things in your life (or the good you have done for that matter). Hang in there. The fat lady hasn't sung yet.
May God continue to bless you Leroy!
Rita

Sent by Rita | 10:56 AM | 6-10-2008

Dear Leroy, As always you are in my thoughts and prayers. I too am overwhelmed but felt I had to say something to you. We are with you every step. Mary Ellen

Sent by MEM | 10:57 AM | 6-10-2008

For months reading your words has helped me understand and share my father's battle with cancer. Your abilitiy to describe your fight and your generosity in sharing your struggle have been a wonderful and tremendous influence on more people than you will ever realize. Thank you.

Sent by sharon kazary | 11:03 AM | 6-10-2008

The road ahead of you may be difficult, but you have been on a hard and treacherous path for a long time, my friend. Your step has always been steady (even if the path has been unclear) and you have travelled a long, long way: don't forget this amazing accomplishment.

Be sad, be relieved, be shocked, be resigned, be whatever you need to be--we're grateful to you no matter what.

Peace
jj

Sent by Joan Jones | 11:03 AM | 6-10-2008

Leroy, I too have started down this path with you, maybe slightly ahead. Difficult conversations is not really accurate. How about impossible, really. I never thought I would have these conversations with my Wife, most terrible to be sure. She doesn't want to hear any of this, and I don't blame her. You both work all of your lives to have a retirement that is meaningfull, and this happens--it's theft by Cancer! One day at a time-- Thoughts, Stan

Sent by Stan Wozniak | 11:06 AM | 6-10-2008

Love, strength, peace and hope from all of us that you have touched so deeply and shared your journey with and also from the universe itself.
You are loved.
Peace to you and your family, Leroy.
Always...........................

Sent by Vivian in Delaware | 11:07 AM | 6-10-2008

Perhaps "getting in order" is the last little corner of our lives where cancer has no control or influence!

Sometimes I take John's will, living etc out and read through them, finding an odd comfort in know that at the worse time in my life I will have instructions to follow and the confidence of having John's last wishes printed out neatly before me.

The other thing that we did, that also gives great comfort and is an act of hope in itself, is to set up the John R Paulk Endowment for Operation of the Emergency Food Network (EFN). I had planned to do this after his death, but then thought why not when he can enjoy seeing the endowment grow and knowing that he is living behind a gift for all time? EFN is a non-profit food assistance organization where John worked for 19 years before his retirement, a few years early due to cancer.

Our daughter has become the volunteer administrative manager for the endowment and it gives us all comfort and pride in John's accomplishments.

I picture someone, 50 years from now, wondering who the wonderful man was who inspired the endowment in his name, thankful that such a gift lives on to help those who are hungry.

In the meantime, one foot in front of the other.

We are thinking of you Leroy.

Sent by Ricci | 11:07 AM | 6-10-2008

Leroy,

I'm sure most all of those who follow your blog on a daily basis had hearts that dropped to the stomach yesterday upon reading your blog. Perhaps it reminds and brings to the surface our own fears of our own bodily death...We all know we're only here for visit, but choose not to look at it squarely in order to overcome the fear of our day. Words are symbols of symbols, and behind our words are the powers of care and love we all send to you now. May you feel all of our arms surrounding you in a loving, comforting embrace. With gratitude to you, Leroy, our friend.

Sent by sheron - denver | 11:15 AM | 6-10-2008

Leroy, You are in our thought,prayers and hearts. We are all there walking with you!
Page
Gresham, Oregon

Sent by page hendryx | 11:16 AM | 6-10-2008

Leroy, I was so emotional yesterday over your news I couldn't respond. I don't know what to say other than we're wishing you well here in NYC.

Sent by Elizabeth from Brookyln | 11:19 AM | 6-10-2008

Dear Leroy & Laurie,
Though I have never posted anything. I have started my day reading this blog and the loving comments and support that follow. There in your words and those of "Leroy's Army" I have read such amazing stories and the greatest acts of love and kindness. I knew today I needed to send my prayers for I have no words of wisdom just a heart full of love to send to you and yours in your hour of need.
God Bless,
Heidi

Sent by Heidi | 11:21 AM | 6-10-2008

There are only a few things to say. DAMN! would be one of them. I'm so sorry would be another. I hope that you will find moments of joy in this difficult period.

Sent by Cindy | 11:25 AM | 6-10-2008

Dear Leroy,

You are - and always will be - an extraordinary voice and spirit. Sometimes, when we're the most vulnerable (and we least expect them), come the greatest gifts. Each day holds at least a glimmer of a gift, and I know your insight and perception will guide you to both the glimmer and the gift. Wishing you unexpected blessings today and thinking of you and Laurie with warmest wishes,

Kim Forester

Sent by Kim Forester | 11:28 AM | 6-10-2008

It is very upsetting to me. Selfishly, I think who can ever take his place. What has been so enlightening is that you were able to write about each day of this horrible monster that just doesn't let go. I just wish there was more on the network such as you had with Ted Koppel. Somewhere there has to be something developed to stop cancer. You did nothing to cause the cancer and I do not know of a person that did anyting to cause their problem. So why are not more funds being used for research for Cancer. I am not talking about overhead for some organization, but truly research. You are loved. You life has stood for so much, just remember you will be always remembered. May God Bless you today and everyday.

Sent by mavis | 11:30 AM | 6-10-2008

Leroy-
Shocked and saddened by this news. You and Laurie are in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you again for sharing your time with us. Wishing you peace and comfort, and perhaps a delicious mai tai?

Sent by Merin | 11:31 AM | 6-10-2008

I think for some strange reason, we all learn to tamp down our emotions in this life -- to "stuff" them. Maybe it's a self-protective thing. But now, your big heart is wide open, and the emotions are exposed. To some degree, that's true of all of us here who love you and are grieving over this shocking news, Leroy. We're all together here, with the love and hurt hanging out for all to see. That's never a bad thing, is it? Life's too short for anything else.Bless you and Laurie as you deal with the decisions and the getting of your affairs in order. After that, along with continuing the fight, I hope you will have some beautiful and peaceful time together.And a few laughs, too -- why not?

Sent by Doris | 11:32 AM | 6-10-2008

Just remember.....you don't have to go through this by yourself...your cyber family is here for you. We love you Leroy and feel the strength we are sending to get you through this trying time.

Sent by Teresa in WV | 11:33 AM | 6-10-2008

leroy. you are in my prayers daily. especially after yesterday's posting. your courage, grace and blog entries in and through your cancer journey is beyond description. continued peace to you. may the God of all comfort provide you with peace and hope. this day and always.

Sent by Anita | 11:35 AM | 6-10-2008

Bless you for your courage and help to all of us. My prayers are with you. Sending strong ju-ju your way.
with care.

Sent by anne lumberger | 11:37 AM | 6-10-2008

Much love and hope to you and Laurie....

Sent by Suzanne Lindley | 11:40 AM | 6-10-2008

Leroy,

God, this is so HARD! My wish if for you to do what you need to do to make things easier for you and Laurie. Sure there is business to take care of! You don't want to go down this road worrying about the well being of your loved ones.

As for emotion, I'd allow it to show because it can bring the closeness that doesn't come when you hide your feelings.

And, of course, I'll put in another plug for hospice - they can help so much with so many "business" things, as well as feelings.

Many blessings, Leroy, and I know you can count on being in the minds and hearts of all of us. MY mind and heart - guaranteed.

Sent by Diana Kitch | 11:44 AM | 6-10-2008

One foot in fron of the other. That would be a great title for a book.
You are in my thoughts and prayers. I was told to call Hospsice today.
God Bless my friend.......

Sent by Diane | 11:45 AM | 6-10-2008

Dear Leroy
i am so sorry to hear this news but don`t give up yet please keep fighting there must be something they can do you have been thru so much just to stop now. i don`t want for you to stop i have followed this blog and watch you on the discovery channel and thought oh wow he is winning. sorry i am so sorry

Sent by kim parris | 11:45 AM | 6-10-2008

Dear Leroy,

I send my support and hopes for you and your family in the times ahead. My mother passed away from Lung and then brain cancer in 1978 almost 30 years ago and I remember her quiet fears about what the brain cancer would do to her once she learned it had spread from her lung. I had a benign brain tumour in 1967 at age 6 and she used to tell me she'd be bald like I was years before and she'd let me wear her wigs - at this point I was 17. Somehow we laughed a whole lot and I hope so much that you will keep the love and joy of life close to you as you forge ahead.

Best wishes,

Brin

Sent by brin | 11:45 AM | 6-10-2008

Our support group has found great comfort in these words from the Old Testament this week, Leroy. We hope you will too.
Zephaniah 3:17...
"The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. he will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."
May you and your family take comfort in the words of our very big God who is still in the healing business. And may you continue to find laughter...hey, I think they've mixed up your scans with somebody's, Leroy...go for a run today!
Much love and a huge hug from Pat

Sent by Pat McRee | 11:57 AM | 6-10-2008

Leroy and Laurie,
Hugs and love to both of you!

Betsey

Sent by betsey in albany ny | 12:02 PM | 6-10-2008

Keep an even keel if you can. Lean on others who want to ease your burden. There is nothing to fear going forward, only rest for the weary. Take it slow, take it easy. Take the time to replay in your thoughts some of the many best days and wonderful experiences you have known. Look for peace, and it will find you.

Sent by Martha | 12:09 PM | 6-10-2008

Leroy,
For those of us who have followed your journey every day this latest development comes as a great disappointment. With all our hearts we were hoping that the outcome of the scans would provide us with a miracle! We all hoped that your fighting spirit, the tenacity of your doctors, the wonders of modern medicine and all our prayers would turn this around - for you and yours and for all of us. (And who knows, maybe this will be the moment when all those forces do come together to make our wish come true.) Magical thinking aside, may this next path in your journey be filled with loving support, minor and major miracles, moments of clarity and grace, understanding and compassion and most of all peace. I hope you know beyond doubt that your life is special, that the gift you give to the world is remarkable and that we all are better for being on the journey with you. Thank you Leroy. In loving support,

Sent by Lorraine Luoma | 12:11 PM | 6-10-2008

Keep the faith. In your God and in yourself.

Sent by Pat | 12:14 PM | 6-10-2008

Dear Larry:
My heart is with you and yours.
You give a voice to my husband`s cancer that he was unable to use.
Thank you,
K. Frahm
Washington

Sent by K. Frahm | 12:28 PM | 6-10-2008

Good Afternoon Leroy, Laurie and All,

Leroy, This is a very emotional time for all of us and you and Laurie are at the center of it. I hope you can feel the strength and love in our tears and prayers. I know this is a very emotionally draining time for you and your loved ones. The discussions that center around "Getting your things in order" are the most difficult discussions you can ever have. Take it slow and take breaks often. And don't even try to keep the emotions under wraps. It's ok to cry!

Laurie, I know you are beyond exhaustion. I hope you are delegating some of your responsibilities to other family members and friends. And I'm sure that you know that you are being held close in our hearts and prayers.

To All, As we join our hearts in cyber space in support of Leroy and Laurie we are so much stronger together. This journey that we are on is not an easy one, but we will move forward. God Bless!

Eileen Pruyne
Charlotte, NC

Sent by Eileen Pruyne | 12:30 PM | 6-10-2008

Leroy,
I just got back to my mail--I've been out of electicity since storms on Sunday.

I am so sorry to hear your news.

Know that I'm praying for you and Laurie. As far as plans go, it's never a bad idea to have them in place. My husband thought out his plans on his own--I think he thought if no one said it out loud, it wouldn't happen. I would have preferred that we went through that part of the journey together too. But that was his choice, as was everything else.

Good luck to you in this most challenging time so far.

Kathy B.

Sent by Kathy Barney | 12:33 PM | 6-10-2008

Mr. Sievers, I am so saddened to learn of your recent setback. For some reason, although cancer has not touched my life, so far, I am drawn to your column, your courage and your willingness to share your painful and emotional journey. You are a person of infinite value and I care.

Sent by Nancy | 12:34 PM | 6-10-2008

Hi Leroy,
I haven't written in quite a while. Your column yesterday hit me hard. Cancer sucks.
Keep focused on the small steps that you can do; you are a proactive person. The big picture can get overwhelming. Your decisions about your treatment have always been sound, and I am sure they will continue to be.
Big hugs to you and Laurie.

Sent by Maggie in Seattle | 12:40 PM | 6-10-2008

Cher Leroy,
"Tant qu'il y a de la vie, il y a de l'espoir". "If there is life, there is hope", as we say in my country. You have life, life is in you and around you from all over the world. We are with you, all along, Leroy. Best wishes from Paris.

Sent by eric scherer | 12:42 PM | 6-10-2008

Dear Leroy, Of course you would feel emotional! If you didn't, then I'd be even more worried about you my friend. You have a mountain to climb, and I'm sure you are about weary. I wonder what you are thinking and feeling, as you walk on. You are dear to us. We want to walk with you, and if we could, we would take some of your load off of you, dear Leroy.

Linda
Kingsport, TN

Sent by Linda Lee | 12:42 PM | 6-10-2008

My prayers continue for you and Laurie. You are living what we all fear. Remember Leroy's Army is here for both of you.

Sent by Dianne in Nevada | 12:45 PM | 6-10-2008

Dearest Leroy and Laurie,

I thought of you all day yesterday, and most of the night after reading your news. I realized with a shock at one point that you are "living" my nightmare, not only for you and all of us who love you, but for my own mother, and myself, since this crappy, sneaky, piece of sH#% cancer runs in the family. Can I be honest, and realistic and say I am scared to death? I am staggered by your news, and very upset. I have no other words to say except that I love you, and I will pray even harder, not only for you but for all of us.

Sent by Connie | 12:45 PM | 6-10-2008

We love you, Leroy.

Sent by Kana Grant | 12:47 PM | 6-10-2008

Here's to your opposable thumbs (needed for fist making, loved the poem) and to using other select fingers at the beast, to being emotional, to 'putting one foot in front of the other'....along your chosen path(s). Thank you for sharing your road.

Sent by Marcia E. | 12:52 PM | 6-10-2008

You have great reason to be emotional and every right to feel and express those emotions. And this site is a place where people understand what you are going through and love and support you. So please, don't feel you have to "go easy" on us if you want to discuss a difficult topic. We all need to confront these issues at some point.

Peace be with you and Laurie.

Sent by Marcia | 12:55 PM | 6-10-2008

Leroy, you've lead so many frightened people through this war zone. Now you're showing us how heros die. It has been a tremendous, brave gift and will have repercussions that continue infinitely. But to even multiply the blessing further, will you choose someone you trust to compile your entries into a book if you are not able to do that? It would help so many who will come after us.

Sent by Laura | 12:56 PM | 6-10-2008

Gallipoli, Turkey. 1915. The start of World War I. The English, French, Australian, and New Zealand troops are dug in, entrenched against the Turks, only meters away. Mustafa Kemal, the Turkish leader, tells his troops, "I am not ordering you to attack. I am ordering you to die." The slaughter on both sides is horrific.

Gallipoli, 1935. Kemal, now known as Ataturk, the first president of modern Turkey, dedicates the area as a Peace Park with this speech:

"Those heroes that shed their blood and lost their lives...you are now lying in the soil of a friendly country. Therefore rest in peace. There is no difference between the Johnnies and the Mehmets to us, where they lie, side by side here in this country of ours. You, the mothers who sent their sons from faraway countries, wipe away your tears. Your sons are now lying in our bosom and are in peace. After having lost their lives on this land, they have become our sons as well."

There are no differences among you and us, Leroy. We are all children of the same family, and your pain is our pain. So when I and all the others on this blog hope for you, pray for you, please wipe away your tears and be at peace. We are with you.

Sent by David Larsen | 12:59 PM | 6-10-2008

Leroy,
You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Sent by Tom Scheurich | 1:00 PM | 6-10-2008

Whatever you decide, we're here with you. All love.

Sent by Jess | 1:01 PM | 6-10-2008

My prayers are with you. I wish you a day of no pain.

Sent by michele | 1:10 PM | 6-10-2008

Dear Leroy,
I am a physician, and I have been following your story since I first heard you on NPR. I want you to know that you have taught me a lot about the other side of the cancer battle. God bless you and good luck on the road ahead.

Sent by Rachel | 1:15 PM | 6-10-2008

Dear Leroy: I have read your notes daily since you've started this blog. I have been moved by your determination and your spirit. You have reached a cross road now and you have some difficult times and decisions ahead of you, however know that there are countless numbers of us that have grown in your spirit. Leroy my friend, we care and we reach out to you at this time. What ever you decide to do in the near future just know that you have our love and our support. You've made countless friends that have grown to love you, and I am one of them. I care for and I care about you. Have peace my friend.

Sent by Robert Sheehan | 1:22 PM | 6-10-2008

Leroy, We're all sending good thoughts and hugs your way.

Sent by Melody Kokoszka | 1:29 PM | 6-10-2008

Thanks for sharing this with us. You are in my prayers!

Sent by Meg Teaford | 1:36 PM | 6-10-2008

Oh Leroy and Laurie, all of our hopes and prayers, from me and mine to you and yours

Patrick C

Sent by Patrick Cullen | 1:46 PM | 6-10-2008

I'm sorry to learn of your news. Cancer is often a relentless foe. Much is being learned, but much remains to be discovered.

One thing I've learned fighting my cancer for almost 10 years is that, even if I woke up tomorrow cancer-free, it wouldn't make me immortal.

I don't know which is better; to know you have a serious disease, or to go quickly, like a heart attack or car accident.

We all should have our affairs in order.

Cancer is crappy. Again, I'm sorry to learn of your news.

Sent by Scott S. | 1:49 PM | 6-10-2008

Dear Leroy, I would wager that your emotionalism is situational. To put it off to the brain tumors is to short change yourself of the natural human response to the scan results you received. What a shock it all must be to your psych. It is really OK to have a whole host of feelings which lead to being overwhelmed. All this can occur while you still put one foot in front of another. Which, I hope, our e-mails help you to do. I want to support you so much in all this and give you a big embrace. Your feelings will calm and you will continue to do the best you can. You may have a difficult road ahead but look back at where you have come from and all the people you have helped. It might help you get through this time. Know that I am with you.

Graham from Sag Harbor

Sent by Graham G. Hawks | 1:51 PM | 6-10-2008

Dear Leroy;

first I would like to say "thanks". You have taught me that cancer is fightable. My experience with friends and family has been that you die. You have showed me that you can do a lot of things before that.

I can`t imagine what you and Laurie feel like right now, but I hope you keep your feets moving.

I pray for you both and for your friends and family.

Sent by Marianne from Norway | 1:53 PM | 6-10-2008

Thank you, Leroy, for sharing this difficult time in your life with us. Having someone in my life that is going through what you are makes your blog both helpful and painful. I want to know what's coming and I don't....

Sent by Nick Coupas | 1:56 PM | 6-10-2008

Leroy and Laurie,

Right now, you can, and maybe should, sit back and do no "heavy lifting" for a few days. It will all seem overwhelming if you try to tackle it at this moment. In a few days, you can start to eat that elephant a bite at a time.

I remember when we were at the "get the affairs in order" stage. There is SO much to do, like wills, POAs, health care directives, writing the obituary, making certain insurance and other important things are in place...and we were under the gun. We were told two weeks, and it ended up being five instead (bonus time!)

There are also other smaller things that might be forgotten, like a list of all accounts with account numbers, user names and passwords for e-mail accounts and web sites that need to be checked, changing names on bills and utilities, removing names from mortgages...the list goes on.

I realized that I needed a will, so I had mine drawn up at that time as well. I have no direct heirs, so it's a comfort to know that I've stated my wishes as far as asset distribution.

And, needless to say, we all hope that you do all of this planning and find down the road that it was premature. But hey, it'll be done!

Sent by Bruce | 2:04 PM | 6-10-2008

Dear Leroy,
I wanted to wrte yesterday, but words failed me. I have no up lifting words, no words of wisdom, only silent sorrrow at your suffering. I keep thinking of the words of Freud, an atheist, when he was asked if he wouldn't like an opportunity to meet God and talk to him. His response, reportedly was: no I would just hold up one cancerous bone.
May you find some comfort knowing others care.

Sent by Lynda | 2:07 PM | 6-10-2008

Here on this June day in Montana, it is snowing. All morning I have felt that the angels in the sky are weeping snowflake tears for you, Leroy. We are all walking with you and crying with you as you move forward on this most arduous of journeys. Bon courage, dear friend. Rebecca

Sent by Rebecca | 2:09 PM | 6-10-2008

Leroy:
Somehow you got up this morning and posted a blog entry at 6:45 a.m. If that's not putting one foot in front of the other, I don't know what is. You and Laurie are in my prayers.

Sent by Myra | 2:13 PM | 6-10-2008

Leroy and Laurie
Getting your affairs in order can be calming. I'd recommend you and your readers who can watch Oprah today. It is a repeat and features people who know they are "dying" including the famous last lecture and my favorite Kris Carr.

Sent by Dianne (DC) | 2:20 PM | 6-10-2008

I'm so sorry to hear of this setback, Leroy. Tears we with me much of the day yesterday as I thought of you and Laurie and everyone sharing this journey.

Your posts have meant so much to so many people. I hope the love we all have for you is just as helpful to you in your time of need. It's amazing we can all feel so deeply for a person we've never met. You did that! My prayers stay with you always.

Sent by Jen McGeorge - Boston | 2:27 PM | 6-10-2008

Dear Leroy,

No other words than, "I'm sorry," can best express how I feel about your news. You cancer path and mine have been on much the same roller coaster over the past year. Maybe not the same car, but close enough. I look to other people for beacons of strength in this fight. So, I'm especially sorry for you, but I'm also sorry for all of us that may have also looked for some long term hope. That's not to say this battle is over, but cancer is a vicious disease and regardless of our fight, for some, the battle ends. But, it does not end for those who love and respect you.

Yours truly,
Ed Steger
www.blogspot.hncancer.com

Sent by Ed Steger | 2:28 PM | 6-10-2008

Leroy:

Of course I join all the others in encouraging you to keep the mighty fight up. If you grow tired of the fight, may you find some comfort and some purpose in words spoken to me (BC survivor) from another stage IV friend who laid down her fists in her exhausting fight with cancer. She told me when she knew she was nearing the end of her battle that she taught her kids how to live life when she was healthy and then how to live with cancer when it hit. When she tired of the battle, she told me that she felt fortunate she could now teach her adult children how to die with dignity and grace. She even slid in some humor during the end of her journey. We are all going to die; none of us get out of here alive! Yet, how many of us can teach those we love how to live and then how to die with dignity and grace. You taught us so much. Of course my hope for you is to keep the living with cancer lessons coming through your blog; I do know that you must get weary, however, and so I just want to say thanks for all the life lessons. I have been following you since almost the beginning!
With respect,
Susan in Northbrook,Illinois

Sent by Susan | 2:33 PM | 6-10-2008

We love you so much Leroy. Sharing your journey has been so inspiring and comforting to me since my 35yo husband's stage4 CRC diagnosis in '05 My heart goes out to you and your family. Peace be with you.

Sent by Deborah | 2:35 PM | 6-10-2008

Thank you for sharing your story with us. I read your comments daily, and I am wishing you peace and strength!

Sent by Mary | 2:36 PM | 6-10-2008

My thoughts are this. Having lost my husband to Pancreatic cancer Christmas morning 2007...I have a bit of insight I think.When all the medical wonders are done with and all the medicines cabinets are empty..I say leave it all behind and get busy living. I am sure you are emotional who wouldn't be. My advice would be to live with the best quality of life you can muster up.
Don't let this beast have the last laugh!
My best to you.

Sent by Kimmy | 2:58 PM | 6-10-2008

Dear Leroy and Laurie,

Please include me among the many who will keep you in their prayers. You have done so much to help so many people. I would just like to do whatever I can to help you.

Sent by Joan | 3:11 PM | 6-10-2008

Dear Mr. Seivers,
I have been reading your column for a few months and have been following your progress too because your words have captured my heart as well as many others. I just want you to know that you are in my heart and prayers. j hart

Sent by j hart | 3:11 PM | 6-10-2008

Dear Leroy,

This has been heartbreaking and "hearttouching" all rolled into one. God bless...

Sent by Karen Laven | 3:11 PM | 6-10-2008

Leroy:

Of course I join all the others in encouraging you to keep the mighty fight up. If you grow tired of the fight, may you find some comfort and some purpose in words spoken to me (BC survivor) from another stage IV friend who laid down her fists in her exhausting fight with cancer. She told me when she knew she was nearing the end of her battle that she taught her kids how to live life when she was healthy and then how to live with cancer when it hit. When she tired of the battle, she told me that she felt fortunate she could now teach her adult children how to die with dignity and grace. She even slid in some humor during the end of her journey. We are all going to die; none of us get out of here alive! Yet, how many of us can teach those we love how to live and then how to die with dignity and grace. You taught us so much. Of course my hope for you is to keep the living with cancer lessons coming through your blog; I do know that you must get weary, however, and so I just want to say thanks for all the life lessons. I have been following you since almost the beginning!
With respect,
Susan in Northbrook,Illinois

Sent by Susan | 3:18 PM | 6-10-2008

Dearest Leroy,
Your journey is our journey. Even now, you continue to give us hope that one day, cancer will no longer exist. You remain in our hearts always.

Sent by Karen | 3:20 PM | 6-10-2008

Dear Leroy and all who share their stories: you can't know how much your courage, strength and grace have inspired and will continue to inspire me.
Thank you.
With deep gratitude and hope.

Sent by JS | 3:27 PM | 6-10-2008

As a stage IV survivor with an incurable sarcoma, I have hung on (more like "clung") to your words nearly every week day for a long, long time. Your willingness to share this personal experience inspires many of us with cancer and is helpful to those who love and support us. The more open we all are about cancer, the less it seems like a monster. Thanks for being so public about your experience. May the days ahead bring peace and healing.

Sent by Jayne Piehl | 3:32 PM | 6-10-2008

Thank you, Leroy, for continuing to share. I have learned a great deal from you and from the dialogue you have initiated. My thoughts are with you and yours. Wishing you calm, peace, comfort and strength.

Sent by Dominique | 3:52 PM | 6-10-2008

Dear Leroy,
You're a great teacher.

In the past several years I've been diagnosed with three separate cancers. I was extremely fortunate because all were detected early. My current prognosis is good but I have no doubt someday I'll be going through what you're going through.

There's nothing new I can call cancer that it already hasn't been called. It sucks. We've made good progress. My two grandfathers died of the same cancers I have. They didn't have any of the tools available now to prolong their lives. Our next generation will have even more tools. And hopefully their next generation will look back with amazement at the barbaric tools we used. I hope they'll appreciate us as pioneers.

Again, thanks for opening your world to us.

Hang in there.

Sent by Tom, San Diego | 3:55 PM | 6-10-2008

Dear Leroy,

On Sunday, my pastor spoke about the fear of dying, something I'm truly terrified of, though I am in good health. He said that dying is nothing more than taking a trip. He described it as going to the airport, with all your friends and family watching you leave at the windows. When your plane lands, God is there waiting for you at His windows. Pastor said that we aren't really living until we are no longer afraid of death, something I'm going to be struggling with for years to come. You have such strength, and you've mentioned before that you are no longer afraid. I hope this is true, as God is waiting for us all. From your posts, you have really lived. Continue living; try not to fear death.

Sent by Nina | 3:56 PM | 6-10-2008

Dear Leroy, Yes, your journey is our's as well. Every step. We are walking with you. And alot of us know that we will walk the very same path, maybe sooner rather than later, and hope to do it with your dignity and honesty, letting the tears fall when they want & the anger come when it wants and the fears as they may. All feelings to be accepted as they are all a part of life. Not one of us can adequately thank you for the sharing of your journey.

Sent by Nancy Oliveri | 3:59 PM | 6-10-2008

Dear Leroy,
I'm so shocked by the news and totally speechless. Sending warm thoughts for peace to you.

Tara, Thank you for the funny story. Humor helps.

Sent by Paulette | 3:59 PM | 6-10-2008

Leroy,
You're not alone. Although you don't know me, I'm walking along this road with you, sending you strong healing thoughts. You have reached many people through your illness, and I have benefitted from the way you have dealt with your cancer. Keep positive. Remember, one minute at a time, stay in the moment.

Sent by Hana | 4:00 PM | 6-10-2008

Big hug for you and Laurie.

Sent by Elona | 4:01 PM | 6-10-2008

I challenge all of us who have procrastinated -in honor of Leroy and the people who love us, let's all get our affairs in order. I know a lot of people who are here have cancer, some are caretakers, and some are just friends - all of us should take care of this for peace of mind for all concerned.

I know I am in that unprepared category. In honor of Leroy, I will arrange to get our revised wills notarized this week.

Sent by Robin L. Fairfax VA | 4:09 PM | 6-10-2008

I recently watched Star Trek Wrath of Kahn and on reading your last two posts I feel the same as when Spock went in to the engine room. Your selfless work has helped many people.

Sent by Dylan - Los Angeles | 4:22 PM | 6-10-2008

Dear Leroy, You must have been flooded with notes yesterday--first time I didn't see mine in the comments, so I'll try again today. Like I said, I started reading your blog a long time ago and as time passed I would read to gain some insight as to what my husband as a cancer patient might be going through...but I ended up gaining a "friend" in you, and learning something about Leroy. What I mean is that you as an individual have given insights about yourself that may be something like what my spouse would say, but I have gained a perspective from someone who is NOT him. Does that make sense? You have shared, with your "journalist's voice" so much that he could not because he is a different type of personality, private and not one to write things down. He has stage IV also and recently clear scans, but "it" is always lurking. We are on the same road... But because of what you write, I've been able to converse with him in a calmer way, because of what I've learned from your blog.

Now I am so sorry to read of these recent developments and don't know what to say...but when you write about getting things in order, you will help a lot of us who put things off that need to be done. I do have faith that after you complete these formalities, you'll have time to spend with loved ones and some activities you can choose and enjoy because the tasks are done with. Well, I am rambling and will close with a thank you and let you know how you've helped me. And I'll continue to read and learn from everything you share.

Sent by Sally in Spokane | 4:23 PM | 6-10-2008

You are a courageous man and truly an inspiration to all who read your blog. You mean so much too so many. I hope it brings you comfort to know that right now all our thoughts and prayers are with you.

Sent by robin | 4:40 PM | 6-10-2008

*heavy sigh*

Sent by Susan | 4:42 PM | 6-10-2008

Leroy,

You are in my thoughts and prayers. My best prayer is for a new procedure to try. I pray for a miracle for you.

Remember, you are the one who wrote that no one has an expiration date.

Sent by Marcy in NJ | 4:55 PM | 6-10-2008

Since my husband doesn't like to talk about his lung cancer, this blog has been my place of support. Just reading the articles you wrote, just reading what others wrote in response, or writing myself has helped me these last few months. I cannot thank you enough for helping me & so many others like me. I will pray you have a peaceful journey.

Sent by Kathy | 5:02 PM | 6-10-2008

I love you Leroy, especially for your courage to share with us. I will always cherish your truths, so eloquently spoken.

Peace be with you and Laurie today, my friends. Hugs...

Sent by Faun | 5:03 PM | 6-10-2008

Just as Hemingway was challenged to write a story in 6 words, of which he did, you have told a story in 5. "Getting your affairs in order." This one thing you are about to do will remind everyone who loves you how much you loved them, when you are no longer here to tell them in person. Putting everything "in order" wasn't something my Mom wanted to do before she passed away. If she had shown the strength you do, she could have made everything SO much easier on her surviving family. By the way, Hemingway wrote this, "for sale, baby shoes, never worn."

Sent by Leah | 5:10 PM | 6-10-2008

Hi Leroy, I've been following your blog for months and have never responded before today. I can't express how grateful I am to you that you told your story on the Living with Cancer special and continue to share with us your daily thoughts. I have had metastatic breast cancer for just over 2 years, and never have I felt that anyone could relate to my situation until I heard you tell your story. You have touched so many people and I thank you for opening your heart and soul to us. Please remember how many of us are out there sending you hope, strength and love... we are fighting right along side you - you are not alone!

Sent by Danielle in PA | 5:10 PM | 6-10-2008

Leroy,

We met on Friday right before your scan. I was the young adult survivor on my way to treatment with my fiance. I feel that it was surprising to you that a young adult survivor was reading your blog or a blog on NPR as if I should be consumed with espn.com or signing up to be the next member to join Lance's army. Maybe the surprising part was the fact that I was a 25 year old (non-smoker) with stage IV lung cancer. Regardless, cancer doesn't discriminate. Neither do the emotions.

Chales Jones said, "Things don't go wrong and break your heart so you can become bitter and give up. They happen to break you down and build you up so you can be all that you were intended to be."

Thank you for taking the time with us on Friday. I don't know what this blog was intended to be 2 years ago, but the 347 people that commented on Monday believe it is what it is intended to be - a place for their own emotions (not just yours).

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

-Dan W.

Sent by Dan W. | 5:11 PM | 6-10-2008

Leroy, What a nusiance and aggravation all of this must be for you. It's kind of like stomping out fires...you get one put out and another one pops up. I have been in nursing for 40 years. I've seen people live that I thought would die and seen people die that I thought would live. I'm a cancer survivor myself. 3 DIFFERENT kinds of cancer. I must be like some kind of cancer magnet. All I can say to you is that you just keep putting one foot in front of the other. You just keep pushing on. You're not ready to go. I've never known a cancer patient that wanted to die. But sometimes cancer makes you tired. Just out and out tired. Not tired of living, but tired of trying. I don't think you're at that point. Keep on trying, Leroy. You are such an inspiration to so many. You matter.

Sent by Sandi Packard | 5:15 PM | 6-10-2008

Leroy/Laurie

I'm local to the DC area. I am capable still, and if you'd like some help, please contact me. I can read, write, good with numbers, drive, do physical work or odd jobs. I'm also good at keeping stuff confidential. I do hate to vacuum. (I was the guy who asked you about the sandwich place at the TOTN broadcast last 4-16). Please get in touch - no job too small, and free.

Sent by Jack | 5:18 PM | 6-10-2008

Leroy, as difficult as this will be, just keep fighting, but also maintain your perspective and never lose touch with your feelings.

Sent by Larry Brenner | 5:18 PM | 6-10-2008

I've rarely posted, but have always felt a connection to your journey. I'm deeply saddened by your news today. My family has gotten a better understanding of what I'm going through (having terminal cancer) by reading what you're going through. Your voice has shined a light on the process and illuminated the roller coaster ride cancer puts us all on.

Sent by lori | 5:20 PM | 6-10-2008

Gosh Leroy, I too am at a loss for words, this beast is relentless. I will steal some words I have had passed to me, perhaps you have read this bedfore, if not there is never a bad time to experance this again ! Leroy I wish you "ENOUGH"

Please read this short tale to understand. Glenn

___________________________

Recently I overheard a mother and daughter in their last moments together at the airport. They had announced the departure. Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the mother said, "I love you and I wish you enough".

The daughter replied, "Mom, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Mom".

They kissed and the daughter left. The mother walked over to the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see she wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on her privacy but she welcomed me in by asking, "Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?"

"Yes, I have," I replied. "Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?"

"I am old and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is - the next trip back will be for my funeral," she said.

"When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, 'I wish you enough'. May I ask what that means? ".

She began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone". She paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail and she smiled! even more. "When we said, 'I wish you enough', we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them". Then turning toward me, she shared the following as if she were reciting it from memory.
I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how gray the day may appear.

I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more.

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting.

I wish you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger.

I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.

She then began to cry and walked away.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them but then an entire life to forget them.
____________________________

When the time shall be at our door step, I will never forget the gift/s you have given me, and to the people that are faithful to your blog. Glenn

Sent by Glenn from Florida | 5:22 PM | 6-10-2008

You have made this journey so much easier for everyone. Keep the faith. God will help you through this.

Sent by Terri | 5:35 PM | 6-10-2008

I have been a reader for almost two years now, during a very low point in my own life. Reading your blog has taught me how precious are all our days, even the bad ones, that pain and tregedy can be borne with grace, and how important it is to have loved ones. Thank you for what you have taught me.

Sent by Elizabeth | 5:53 PM | 6-10-2008

Love you Leroy. You have been a great inspiration and have been a wonderful blessing to all who have had the honor of knowing you through your diary. Thakyou. Many prayers are offered for the continuing srugggle. GOD BLESS YOU!

Sent by Kathy | 6:06 PM | 6-10-2008

Dear Leroy and Laurie,

I continue to hope and pray that you pull through this current, awful hurdle and get well. After all, hope and prayer are free - and in your case - abundant. I've lost both my grandmothers, my mom (at age 57) and my brother-in-law (age 42) to various cancers, and I think I have a sense of how you both must be feeling today. Tired? Numb? Scared? Sad? You bet. But please remember, if it's any comfort:

STILL LIFTING. With love and continued hope to you both.

Sent by Janice J. , Los Angeles | 6:08 PM | 6-10-2008

Leroy,
I am repeating what others have said before me, but I appreciate your ability to communicate with your readers so many emotions. You have made me laugh out loud, cry and then laugh out loud again. I am not alone when I say you kept me wanting to come back for more. I keep you and your family in my prayers. Thank you for sharing so much with me.
God Bless you now and always,

Sent by Kathy Elftmann | 6:19 PM | 6-10-2008

I am another one of those readers who has never posted. Your blog has become a daily ritual for me.

No matter the outcome, take solace in the fact that you gave, and are giving it, everything you've got. You'll know when it's time to stop fighting! You should also be comforted by a life well lived, even before cancer struck, but especially after, when you've provided SO MANY people a glimpse of strength and courage!

Take care of yourselves!

Sent by Neva Field | 6:22 PM | 6-10-2008

Aww, Leroy.

I am so saddened by your recent news. You have done so much by sharing of yourself with us and the rest of the world. I am in awe of you. And I fell as though, form my heart, I can call you friend.

The end of life life discussions are so hard. I remember sitting with my mom as she told me of her plans and her wishes for me. Those were the best moments because they were filled with love and honesty.

Be honest and love, Leroy.

Sent by Teri Thomas | 6:41 PM | 6-10-2008

When I red the news yesterday I felt sucker punched - you have been through so much.

Getting my affairs in order was for me an act of love. Living alone with sisters at some distance, I felt whatever I could do to lessen their burden upon my death, was what I had to do. I made a 5 page list of everything including addresses, telephone numbers of the institutions of bank accounts, online passwords and names, bills from which refunds would be due (paying them in advance, etc), associations to notify, library accounts to check for checked out books, procedures for transfering auto, how to administer a non-probate estate, life insurance procedures, etc and it's amazing how many places a survivor would need to check on to handle upon a death. I felt such relief at finally finishing that list and doing the legal paperwork - just in case. Now I am in remission but it gives me comfort knowing that's all done and only needs updating if I change a password.

BTW, one of my biggest disappointments in learning of cancer was discovering I could not longer be a donor of my major organs (corneas only).

One last thing, was it a bone scan you had done? I ask that because when they did my bone scan it showed many multiple sites of cancer which were ALL ruled out by the MRI. So I am hoping that this is the case with you, and possibly you will also have the same good news from a MRI.

Sent by Maureen Kennedy | 7:11 PM | 6-10-2008

I have been away from my email for a couple of days, so I have been catching up on your postings. I am crying right now...and I have to be honest and say some of those tears are selfish. My husband is scheduled for his one year post treatment PET scan and MRI next week - and I am so afraid of the results. He is slowly recovering from treatment and seems fine - but he seemed fine when he was diagnosed. Selfishly I want you to be well....I want your results to be great....I want the demons to stay far away. And for you..you have fought so hard for so long - I want life to be fair and for you to win this thing. And you know and I know all these results tell you is where is it - it does not tell you time left or the twists in your journey or what will work and not work. I know life is not fair, but sometimes I so wish it was, just once in a while.

Sent by Robin Hill | 7:23 PM | 6-10-2008

I've been reading your blog for over a year and never felt like I deserved to comment, because my life has been relatively untouched by cancer. What keeps me coming back, day after day, is your wonderful style of writing; the warmth, the wit, the intelligence without even the faintest sense of being pretentious...it feels like I know you, and I think you're a pretty great guy. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

Sent by Sara | 7:33 PM | 6-10-2008

Dear Leroy, I had lunch today with a close friend and much of our conversation centered on cancer, especially your predicament. I told her about you, where I met you (on the Discovery channel), how direct and honest you are on the blog, how sustained I have been by your stamina and persistence (I have metastatic ovarian cancer), how much I appreciate your generosity in sharing your inner world with all of us. Of course you must be deluged with feelings right now--which I would guess are a complex mixture of your reaction to this traumatic news, drugs, and brain mets. I wouldn't underestimate the biochemistry of it all. But gee, Leroy. I am sorry, sorry, sorry.

Sent by salee | 7:34 PM | 6-10-2008

Thank you for sharing your most personal thoughts and feelings with us all, Leroy. I cannot express enough what a difference you have made and continue to make in how I view my cancer journey. Your thoughts, and the posts of other readers remind me that this is a journey we do not travel alone...I know of no other "cancer site" that brings me the joy, the hope, the reality, the emotional support that this one does. It's helped me find my peace and my way with it. And for that Leroy, I will always be grateful to you. May you have peace as you as you take this next path..

Sent by Joe S. , Johns Creek, GA | 7:37 PM | 6-10-2008

crapy. I just received a crap sandwich myself. Being dx as a a stage IV after 3 years. I have 7 year old twins.

My new mantra. It is what it is. I am sorry Leroy. I hate this for you and for me.

Sent by Janis | 7:41 PM | 6-10-2008

Leroy,the most important thing to remember when facing an illness is to seek and find your faith..in doing so your fears will starve to death.
If your steps are a little slower just remember,there are countless fellow cancer survivors who will be right beside you to lift,encourage,share,cry and persevere with you.
and so,close your eyes and listen to this song.."Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on.
Never ,NEVER,ever give up!

Sent by Allecia | 8:16 PM | 6-10-2008

You are an inspiration my friend. God bless you as you continue to battle. Please know we all will keep praying for your improvement. Dont forget to have that drink of Jameson's, when I have bad news it seems to bring some Irish luck.

Sent by vince | 8:26 PM | 6-10-2008

My prayer for you Leroy, today and the days to come, is that you literally feel the support and love that surround you from all around. I hope that you are filled with a strong feeling of the very real fact that you are not alone, and even though you alone have to experience the physical part of this, there are many people lining the path of your journey, holding up light. You have given so much to this community, your community, through your writing. You have helped me reflect upon what I have learned and what work I have yet to do. May it all come back to you in the form of comfort, courage and grace.

Sent by Cathy Skubik | 8:43 PM | 6-10-2008

Leroy & Laurie:

I have started to reply several times but don't know what to say. Your scan results are heartbreaking. Your ability to get up and move forward today is admirable (but not a surprise). I can't offer you any more love and respect than what's already been given by the others but I send mine anyway.

I hope that you both realize that you should not hesitate to ask for our help. We will do anything we can to help ease the burdens you carry.

Rhonda H

Sent by Rhonda Howard | 8:44 PM | 6-10-2008

My prayers are with you and Laurie. I pray for strength to deal with what is coming and for a miracle.

Sent by Chris | 8:57 PM | 6-10-2008

Leroy and Laurie,

Today is a day for either a deep, silent, sorrowful well of grief, or screaming out loud, crying out loud.
For you and Laurie, for my mom and dad, for my partner who is unable to endure any more of my illness, (will we make it any further together? I'm not certain. Which is heartbreaking on its own.) An enormous toll has been taken on everyone throughout this time of coping with serious illness. Don't know the future. Sometimes I am tired of struggling for a future.

I have a deep and abiding river of respect and gratitude and love for you that flows through my heart, for your caring enough to share this incredible and frequently beyond difficult journey with us. I think it's okay that you are emotional. I do know that it's hard though.

The offer of a dog to hold, or pet, or just lie beside you or at your feet, or put his/her head on your knee or shoulder is still here if you or Laurie want it.

Peace, love, tears, heartlight,
(to a dear fellow human being who makes such a difference every day, and to Laurie who makes a difference by being there with you through this, as completely hard as it is, you make a huge difference too, Laurie. Even though you do not post personally often, I feel your presence here on the blog, with Leroy.)

much love,

Kim Blankenship

Sent by Kim Blankenship | 9:21 PM | 6-10-2008

Dearest Leroy, When my Dad went through this journey he turned to me and said, "Until the end, I am the commander of my ship", and he was until his very last day. You, dear Leroy are the commander of your ship and through your generous spirit, we have been your passengers on this journey. I will continue to pray for you, Laurie and your family every day. "The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you".
Much love, Antoinette Comprelli

Sent by Antoinette Comprelli | 9:23 PM | 6-10-2008

And more hugs...

Beth

Sent by Beth | 9:40 PM | 6-10-2008

Dear Leroy,
You might not always feel it, but you are a brave, brave man. You could pull the covers over your head and no one would blame you, but you choose instead to break yourself open in the hopes of helping others - which you have certainly done for hundreds, if not thousands of people. I lost my mom to cancer 4 months ago, and my husband continues to battle it - and I am drawn to your blog each day. They give me smiles, tears, and moments of pondering. Thank you for your courage, and please accept my prayers and gratitude. Persevere friend.
Vicki

Sent by Vicki Wilke from Clarkston Michigan | 9:42 PM | 6-10-2008

Leroy,

I read your posts every day. Praying for you.

LR

Sent by LR | 9:45 PM | 6-10-2008

Because I was unable to check the blog yesterday, when I did this evening, I was saddened by the news, but was blown away at all the postings. As everyone knows, it took a long time to read them all! I was blessed by every one. Leroy, you have helped people understand cancer in a way that is so unique. You enabled people to pour out their hearts. That pouring is such a balm to me, and I have come to care about all of you in a way that I can't explain. May we all take this caring into our everyday lives and never be the same.

Sent by N. Holmes | 10:06 PM | 6-10-2008

I wish you peace

Sent by Diana | 10:29 PM | 6-10-2008

Leroy,
find peace in knowing how loved you are. You blog has been so important to me. I too am trying to fight the good fight.
Love from someone you have never met, Katie

Sent by Katie Braun | 10:44 PM | 6-10-2008

Leroy,
I'm so sorry. Your June 9th post made me throw my head in my hands.
You need a vacation on the sand with a cold drink in your hand.
The Gulf of Mexico is beautiful this time of year!

Sent by B.A. | 10:57 PM | 6-10-2008

Hugs to you and yours my friend. Thanks for your candor and insight into this process.

Sent by Karen | 11:21 PM | 6-10-2008

Thank you for being one of my life's teachers. we've never talked or even met, but sharing your journey has helped me better understand myself (and other around me). I have not been diagnosed with Cancer but like many have been touched by it.

I will now leave my computer, walk downstairs and hug my wife, and kids and find a reason to make them laugh. Thanks to you (and all the other posters for reminding me to do that).

Sent by John | 11:25 PM | 6-10-2008

Leroy and Laurie,

As always my thoughts and prayers are with you in this difficult time. I was so sad to hear your news yesterday. I have been reading your daily posts ever since the Ted Koppel special. You have been a great role model and encouragement to so many. Hang in there and know that there are many of us out here praying for you everyday.

Karen

Sent by Karen | 11:27 PM | 6-10-2008

Leroy,
You were a rock and inspiration for me when I was going through cancer treatment. As with everyone else here, your news of the other day is heartbreaking. I hope you are finding all those around you - in cyberspace and otherwise - are rocks for you now.
You are in my thoughts

Sent by Nancy, Meadville PA | 11:32 PM | 6-10-2008

Dear Leroy,
A little over a year ago, I had a breast cancer scare that turned out to be nothing. I had been reading your blog before, but the ideas in it helped me at a difficult time. Somehow, the single most useful idea was the thought that many other people have been over this road before, with courage and strength. I know that you have courage and strength, and I know that you will be able to call upon them in the times ahead. Best wishes -

Sent by Laura J | 11:34 PM | 6-10-2008

Leroy, you are a shining light in the darkness.
The children sing "This little light of mine. I'm gonna let it shine. Let it shine. Let it shine. Let it shine..."

Keep the Faith. God bless.

Sent by Lynn | 12:07 AM | 6-11-2008

With love and prayers...keeping you and yours in my thoughts.

Sent by Karen | 12:12 AM | 6-11-2008

Thank you for allowing us to share in your journey and your battle w/ this terrible disease. I hope that in some way, no matter how small, knowing that so many thoughts and prayers are w/ you gives you some measure of comfort.

Sent by Erin Vaughn | 12:17 AM | 6-11-2008

Sending love, hugs and prayers your way. Love the Leonardo di Vinci quote.

Sent by Jennifer in CA | 2:20 AM | 6-11-2008

Dear Leroy and Laurie, Don't waste any words with each other...these are the times when you let your emotions speak for you. Laurie, you are in this fight every bit as much as Leroy. God Bless both of you.

Cindy

Sent by Cindy | 5:25 AM | 6-11-2008

Feeling is Healing Leroy. We're all feeling for you. I vote for the Brain and Pelvis also. Is there anything new they can try?--like Stem Cell rejuvination or anything that they thought might work on one diff. cancers. We have to remember that these targeted therapies have come from scientist who have had to think outside the box. There are more monoclonal antibodies that are in clinical trials these days. What does Lance Armstrongs Brain Surgion say--get a 26th opinion if you have too.
The real question is if you want too. Is it in the "contract" that you still keep fighting with meds. I'm sure you've looked at everything.
Does this getting your "affairs in order" have anything to do with this news junk about Bill Clinton and his affairs??--just had to tease you. I can imagine those are some really tough conversations--and yet healing ones because you talk about who you are and what IS thee most important wishes. When ever that time comes--I hope your life and art "explodes" in a documentary way for all of us. You truly are making a difference. In the meantime....have a warm cup of tea with those lovely tears. Blessings to you and all of "your precious beings around you"

Sent by Linda | 5:55 AM | 6-11-2008

Such a wonderful forum for sharing your journey. I am currently 3 weeks past radiation therapy and chemotherapy for head and neck cancer. My anthem is"Face it. Fight it. Survive it." My thoughts and prayers are with you-hang in there! I have a blog that shares some of my journey with cancer and a resolve to stay creative in complexity. You can see it at: http://www.psiplex.com

One Love

Sent by Psiplex | 7:00 AM | 6-11-2008

Laurie & Leroy -

I don't have anything to say that hasn't already been said. Before I go to sleep at night I set the intention that everyone who dreads the night because of the frightening thoughts it bring are at peace. When I thought I couldn't go on after a rough round of chemo, my chemo nurse was the only one who rallied me when she said, "WE can do this." WE are out here for you.

Sent by Susan Brockman | 8:24 AM | 6-13-2008

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