Leroy, no matter what happens we're standing with you. May you find peace my friend...

Lots of hugs....

Sent by Faun | 7:19 AM ET | 06-12-2008

You are human Leroy, although to many of us, you are beyond amazing. I am sure it is a difficult time that we can never understand until we are in it.
Someone yesterday commented that hoping not to sound morbid, they wanted to tell you NOW, how much you meant to them. I guess it is the reality of it all. I shall do the same. You have made a difference in my life, and so has Laurie. Inspiration, strong and perseverance are just a few words coming to mind when I think of you both.
We are all here to love you and we think of you everyday. While we (the bloggers)have never met you, you have become our close, personal friend. That means unconditional love. For you and Laurie, in good times and bad times.
Prayers,
Wanda Amorose

Sent by Wanda Amorose | 7:20 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Leroy

I too hope you and Laurie can find peace. I admire you for keeping up this blog during such difficult times.

Sent by Pam | 7:25 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Forgive the selfishness of what I am about to say, but one of my greatest fears is that someday I will have to go down a path like this without you and this community here to help me do it, and I don't even have cancer, at least that I know of.

Sent by Joyce Smith | 7:27 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Leroy, Hello,

It's understandable that it's hard to find peace right now. Do you read any of Mary Oliver's poetry? She helps me find my way to a more peaceful place.

I wish I had a magic wand -- for you, for everyone, but there's just no way around this.

I think you are doing admirably. Not everyone can be as present and as honest as you are being with all of us.

I know that I'm breaking down on this end too. I've grown to love you, in a "cyber-friend" sort of way. I definitely respect you. I absolutely appreciate you and all that you do.

I don't think you are being melodramatic. I think you are being real. Reminding me a lot of the Velveteen Rabbit.

Wishing you the sense of all of us holding you in love and light and peace.
Tenderly.

Heartlight,

Kim Blankenship

Sent by Kim Blankenship | 7:28 AM ET | 06-12-2008

May you find that peace, Leroy, and keep it. Still holding out hope for you.

Sent by Jen | 7:28 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Keep taking those deep breaths. Sit on the porch and watch the early summer days. Have a piece of pie, sour cherry would be good and rock in a rocking chair if you have one. with care

Sent by anne lumberger | 7:29 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Leroy, I have NO INTENTION of saying goodbye to you anytime soon.. Did you read Laurie's column yesterday??? GRIN!!!

However, I THINK I can understand a LITTLE bit of what you are saying.. But I guess we should ALL live as if it is our last day, shouldn't we?

Peace and love to you and yours.. Thank you for all you share with us..

Sent by Patsy Elmore | 7:34 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Dearest Leroy,
These are the words that I cling to:
"For I am the Lord, Your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you!"
You are not alone, I pray you will find comfort, strength and peace in knowing that....

Sent by Laurie Hirth | 7:34 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Hello, Leroy,

I'm from Belgium, and I've been reading your blog for quite some time now. I even told my husband about you, how intelligent, eloquent you are. Try to remember this: today you are not really doing worse than last week, when you hadn't heard the bad news. The tumors were already there, and they have been there for the past weeks I suppose. So why wouldn't they be there in six months, whithout worsening your condition?

I can't imagine what you are going through, it is perfectly natural you are scared, depressed, anxious... My father has a totally different disease but he is going through the same emotions because he knows he will probably not live long, and he is only 56. Maybe the doctors can prescribe some antidepressants, I am also against them in normal circumstances, but these are not normal circumstances and maybe it will become a little bit bearable. I am sorry we can't do anything more for you, I am sorry medicine seems not to have progressed the last 20 years... They can do a lot nowadays but they can't cure rheumatism, ms, cancer, diabetes. Medicine has still a lot to learn, unfortunately. I am glad you have a wonderful family and good friends. And one is never dead as long as you live in the memories of others. And I am sure you will be remembered for a long long time.

And for now, I wish you strenght, and why would you surprise the medical world by being around much longer than expected? Miracles do happen, every day, because nature is unpredictable.

Sent by Sigrid | 7:35 AM ET | 06-12-2008

I find writing ANYTHING is very comforting and that putting my "wishes" down really helped me even though I haven't had to share those. It almost was cathartic. Almost felt like I was getting ready for a trip. So keep writing Leroy. Keep crying. We love you very much.

Sent by Becky | 7:39 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Absolutely eloquent! You have a unique way of summing up feelings and what needs to be done. My dad who died in April '08 after a short illness was pretty much in control of his destiny until the end. He was able to express his wishes, and I was in the position to carry them out. You're right, the legal stuff is easy. The personal stuff is much harder.

I learned a lot from my dad. I learned having affairs in order makes it easier for those who remain behind. I learned it important to say I love you frequently and mean it. I learned there is peace even in times like these. I learned a lot more, except that its hard to type through tears.

You and those closest to you are going through so much right now. I have benefited from this community which has adopted my term of Leroy's Army. Busy is good, however, do not allow those times to be the only ones you experience. I have said this before, Life every day to the fullest.

I would like to share one piece of good news with all in this community. On Saturday, June 7, my boyfriend Steven and I became engaged. It is bittersweet, because my dad cannot personally share our happiness, my mother passed away 9 years ago, but both are with me. My ring has a diamond that my father bought for my mother.

Sent by Sue Chap | 7:43 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Dear Leroy,

3 weeks ago I met with a doctor in the Supportive Care unit (formerly called Palliative Care unit) of my hospital. We were talking about my depression and how I was probably being too hard on myself. She wanted me to lighten up on myself. My initial reaction was anger. Was she telling me to give in to the disease and my disabilities? I don't think she meant to make me angry. I still don't want to give in. I'm still angry. She may be right, I don't know. My point here is that we are in uncharted waters as we move through this disease. I hope for the best for you, whatever that means to you. On the selfish side, I hope that when you find out how to find peace with yourself, you'll share just a bit of that with us if you can.

Ed Steger
www.hncancer.blogspot.com

Sent by Ed Steger | 7:47 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Don't worry about saying goodbyes or distributing words of wisdom. Just enjoy the time you have. Try not to ponder "why" or "when".

Gather your family and friends for good food, play your favorite music (who is going to argue with you anyway???) and enjoy.

Have an "I'm still here" celebration! I bet a million dollars that if you invited us you'd have easily over 200 people showing up on your doorstep.

Sent by Liz L. | 7:49 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Leroy:
Stopping and gathering your thoughts to write your blog is exactly the thing to do. You are then literally living in the Now, the only place that is real. The past is the past, the future is not here yet (and we have no idea what that might be, good or bad).
Accepting what Is, that's what I hope will bring you peace.
Love, Don

Sent by don winslow | 7:50 AM ET | 06-12-2008

The past few days' news has gotten me thinking- is it easier to end your life with warning, giving time to prepare and say goodbyes, but also to have our last time be spent in sadness and worry? Or is it easier to have your life end suddenly, with little warning or preparation?

And how much can I sacrifice and give at the end of my life to make it easier for my family and friends?

Sent by diane | 7:56 AM ET | 06-12-2008

I went to my church's healing service yesterday. Your news impelled me there. It had been awhile and I missed the comfort it brings. I prayed for you, me and all those in trouble.

During the service we all exchanged "the Peace of the Lord" with each other. These are all men and women who have walked a painful road of some kind. Each one had a smile and an eye to eye sincerity when we touched each other with a handshake or a hug and devoutly wished the other "Peace".

I imagined you and Laurie there so I could share that wish with you both.

Today I read your blog where you share that need with us all. Know that yesterday and all days, I send a hug with the words, "Peace be with you."

Sent by Sara (MD) | 8:00 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Connecting or re-connecting with family, friends, acquaintances need not necessarily be to say goodbye but to just let each one know that they were important in your life or some part of your life. While it will be an emotional time, I would also hope that it would be an uplifting experience...one that they and you will cherish.

I wish for you, hope and pray that you will find that special "something" that will bring you peace. The "mind demons" are difficult to quiet and cause the anxiety that keeps the peace you seek at bay. I found my peace in prayer. My supplications to God were to quiet my mind, to calm my soul and to help me carry my burdens. My prayers were answered. May you find your peace as well!

Prayers as always for you and Laurie.

Sent by Al Cato | 8:06 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Many find peace and comfort in the 23rd Psalm. Perhaps it can help you. God bless.

Sent by bettye | 8:08 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Good morning Leroy. You sound as though you are beginning to accept the hand that you are being dealt. I pray to G-d that you will have the peace inside of you that you need and deserve. You have given so very much to all of us; you need to give to YOU AND LAURIE. You are the most important person now and Laurie is right there beside you. I am sure that your financial affairs and final wishes are all in order. I would think that it is just time to let those who you truly love know how much you really do love them and let them tell you how much they will miss you. And if you feel up to it - DO SOMETHING CRAZY THAT YOU WANT TO DO - TRAVEL - OUTDOORS - your body will tell you what you can or cannot do. And never forget how much all of us love and care about you and the prayers and good thoughts that go your way.

Love, Jan

Sent by janice goldberg white | 8:09 AM ET | 06-12-2008

As many of us can unfortunately say..Been there...done that...got the scars and still counting...so we understand, you are so right. Sometimes it is harder to tell those you love and see the hurt and fear in their eyes than it is to deal with what is happening to you. Peace

Sent by Pat | 8:10 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Hi, Leroy. I've been lurking here for well over a year now, after having heard you on WUNC. I'm a high school teacher and writer, and have found myself dropping your lessons into my classroom. Life, perseverence, clarity, honesty...they find their way to my students after I've read your daily blog. I've printed some excerpts, and held them as examples of how to write clearly, how to "show" instead of just "tell."

I think that you're a tremendous guy, and I wanted to thank you for helping me make my lessons better. You've given me a lot to think about, and I do think of you often.

Sent by Kim | 8:10 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Leroy, You and Laurie have been a constant inspiration with your sharings on the blog. I pray that you will find peace at this very difficult time.

Sent by Ann | 8:10 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Leroy,
My husband has just been through a crisis and we were told he might not survive the intubation in the er and to call our family in. Like you, when he had brain surgery a couple of years ago we had taken care of the legal stuff but taking care of the personal side is the difficult one. I have 2 acquaintances that have been able to do that with such love and grace that it absolutely blows me away. None of us know when our time is coming so the wise thing would be to always make sure the ones you love know that but as humans we forget to do that sometimes. As families dealing with cancer we have adapted to so much since the initial diagnosis that I think every time something new and more difficult is handed us, it just takes a few days to make your plan and accept whatever you need to do to put yourself at peace. I wish I had some wonderful words for you and Laurie because I know how difficult this is for her. All I can say is we are thinking about you and hoping and praying you can come to terms with this and make whatever time is left, whether weeks,months or years, precious. This is all any of us can hope for. My heart is breaking for you. God bless.

Sent by kathie | 8:11 AM ET | 06-12-2008

As always - love and prayers come your way from Indiana.

I know it may feel intrusive, but if you and Laurie feel so inclined could you sketch out a family picture? In my mind I picture you as a sort of TV/Radio family - but I'm sure there must be another family too.

Sent by Kelly | 8:15 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Good morning Leroy,
May you have the peace of mind and the tranquility of the heart you dearly deserve.
"Getting affairs in order" should be the way we live, regardless.

Sent by Rose | 8:16 AM ET | 06-12-2008

dear leroy
My 27 year old daughter died march 19,2008 after a one year 9 month battle with colon cancer.She often read your blog and after she died l found copies of your blog that she had saved.You helped her alone her journey and l am sure so many other people like her that you don't know about.On Januaury 11 it was decided that there was nothing more that could be done to save her.At that point she spent the rest of her days determined to take in every glorious day and surround her self with the people she loved.As my heart broke l saw hers overflow with the knowledge that all there really is in life is the love.She gave it freely and received it back in abundance.She was a nurse and had taken care of so many people and in the end so many had taken care of her.What i am trying to say leroy is wrap yourself in the love of your family and friends and trust it to take you where ever it is you need to go.Most people find at this time that love is the one thing that can not be taken away it is eternal.So love with all you have and soak in all the love of the people important to you.I wish you peace on your journey and if you reach the other side before me and you see a sweet little nurse named allison give her a big hug from her mother.
god bless leroy

Sent by diane | 8:24 AM ET | 06-12-2008

"But the most important thing I need to do is to remind myself to spend a little time finding the peace I need so badly these days." This is why your words are so important for so many. These words have everything to do with cancer and nothing to do with cancer; they have to do with being alive while living. I don't have cancer and I need to hear these words. Thank you so much.

Sent by tina | 8:29 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Leroy, we are praying for you to find the strength and peace within to get through this time. Everyone of us on this blog is walking with you and with Laurie. Please draw a little strength from each one of us.

Sent by dorothy in oregon | 8:30 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Leroy and Laurie, Yesterday's posting was yet another one in which each of you has led me by your examples. It is understatement for me to write that the two of you have shown me the best way to live since this disease came into my life 2+ years ago. Whether I do it consciously or not, I find that my outlooks and attitudes always seem to follow yours. I owe you both a debt that can never be repaid fully.

To Friend who posted yesterday, my heart goes out to you in your despair. Please seek some professional help - medical and/or pastoral. No person deserves to be saddled with the burden of such a distressed perspective. I send hopes for better days for you.

To all of the readers in Leroy's Army, Perhaps this is another time where we need to offer the "one, two, three, lift" to Leroy and Laurie and others out there. I wish I could do more...

Sent by Sheara | 8:32 AM ET | 06-12-2008

WOW Leroy,
you sound really blue today. I know you have a lot on your mind, things that we readers can never perceive.
I want to thank you for every day, that you have shared with us. I wish I had the guts to share as you have, but I guess I'm not there yet.
I'm praying for you Leroy, I pray that the Lord will be merciful to you as you continue your walk.

Sent by Donato | 8:34 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Good Morning Leroy~ I just finished a long message to you and then I go and accidently lose it all. Here goes again. Interesting thoughts as usual, come to my after reading your's this morning. When I am resting, or cannot sleep in the dark and quiet of the night, I often go back into my life, like counting backwards from 100. It is interesting to find out exactly how much I can recall, even sounds, odors, and strange little details going way back, even into my early childhood. Truly amazing what this brain of ours can retain. Like a vast filing cabinet and when you begin "leafing" through it, you will be suprised at what is in there. Have you written any Memoirs Leroy? I wrote a story about my early childhood some years back because I was trying to tell my two younger brothers what our family life was like before they arrived. I was seven when my first brother was born and 17 when the second one was born. We actually grew up in different eras. Interesting. Your mind is not damaged and your thinking process certainly is not faulty.

Sent by J C R | 8:34 AM ET | 06-12-2008

When I was first diagnosed with breast cancer in 2005, I found myself calling it the "evil twin" of pregnancy. Many things about the two conditions were the same - lots of doctor visits, lots of things to get in order, many people to tell about the news. Only, with cancer, all those things had a very dark cast to them. Telling people you have cancer - or, as in your case, that it's exploded - is just the most wretched experience. It often becomes not about you and what you're going through, but how they will react.

I'm glad, Leroy, that writing the blog is helpful to you. As you can see from the comments from the past few days, you and your blog have honestly truly for real made a difference in people's lives, including my own. I'm sure I'll keep saying this during the next part of your journey, but here it is again - we are all with you.

Sent by Gretchen Hoag | 8:36 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Leroy, This is only my 2nd post but I've been a long time reader. I can't recall how I found your blog since I do not have cancer (that I know of)but once I found it I have been drawn to it. You are an amazing person and you have quite a following. I hope you find peace and I will keep you in my prayers. Sincerely, N.S.

Sent by N.S. | 8:38 AM ET | 06-12-2008

How I wish we could all engulf you and Laurie in a hug so you might feel the caring I hope our words convey.

Peggy

Sent by Peggy | 8:42 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Dear Leroy/Laurie,
My husband is in the same situation as you..........could be weeks, months......who knows. Everyone tells us to try to live whatever is left to the fullest, but, they don't understand when you are not feeling well it is impossible! Your blog has helped me tremendously and I thank you. My prayers are with you, Laurie and your loved ones. May God watch over you.

Sent by sasha321 | 8:42 AM ET | 06-12-2008

More hugs.

Sent by Elona | 8:45 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Let out your grief and then move on to shared memories. It may sound simplistic but it can be cathartic. Instead of starting to say goodbye, think of it as reaffirming valued relationships.

Hold Fast & simple works.

Don MacLeod

Sent by Don MacLeod | 8:45 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Leroy - we had a BBQ for my husband while he still felt pretty good. Friends - family - co workers were all here. It was wonderful. It helped all of them and it helped Tom and I think of something else. Throw a party - have fun and for one day anyways enjoy the day to its fullest!!! Tom never said good bye to anyone - it was always "see ya later"!!!

Sent by Deb from Michigan | 8:48 AM ET | 06-12-2008

As I have said before Leroy you don't need to keep on with us. Now is the time for you and your loved ones. We will be here if you need us, but will be ok if you need time away from us. Ok?

It is never a bad time to tell the ones you love how you feel about them and to say goodbye if necessary. If you get to say hello again great. But look at what happened to the boy scout camp in Iowa last night. A tornado demolished the camp and 4 boys were killed. None of us know when the time will come that God calls us home.

I am DEFINATELY not trying to make light of the days ahead for you. We just went through the same situation with our son last August. He was home with hospice for exactly 2 weeks and the last 3 days of his life we had a "visitation" if you will by opening our home to who ever wanted to see him and say what they wanted to say.

Don't concern yourself right now if it's days or weeks or months Leroy. One day at a time. Just be. Just be with you and your God and you and the ones you love. That's all you need to do. Then you will find your peace.

I wish I could hug you right now. Just live today my friend and tomorrow will take care of itself.

God bless you Leroy and thanks for everything you have done for us.

Judy

Sent by Judy Voller | 8:48 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Leroy,
My prayers are there with many others for you and Laurie. You have such a positive impact on so many of us who struggle through this Cancer Journey. I don't know if you realize just what a gift you give us each day. I truly believe that you will be blessed with not just the strength but more importantly, peace and serenity.

All my life I have been terrified of the Big C, so much so that I would not listen or read about it. I believed that God must give people with terminal diseases some extra strength and a hightened sence of some sort to cope. Well when my diagnosis came four years ago of breast cancer and three months later with a rare leukemia the answer was there. I really could walk this journey no matter how long or how hard. I believe when my life is "lived up" my journey will end with God holding me in his arms and that will be the ultimate peace and joy.

We are as so any have said "a part of you extended family" who hold you and Laurie in our hearts.

Gentle Hugs for you both
Paula

Sent by Paula Swink | 8:49 AM ET | 06-12-2008

No, its not time for goodbyes....

I've always despised them.

It feels so final and wrong to me, I believe there is a bigger picture to look at.

I know you need to do whats right for you and your family. I DO hope you can find some you time.

peace
jenn

Sent by Jenn | 9:09 AM ET | 06-12-2008

On behalf of all of us out there who start our morning by checking in with you, but who never post... please know that you are loved.

Sent by amy | 9:13 AM ET | 06-12-2008

I heard it said that birth is spirit coming into physical form; death is spirit leaving physical form. But the spirit remains. That notion has given me great comfort when I think of those I love who I can no longer physically hug. I look at their pictures; I hear myself sounding like them; I see someone walking like them or tilting their head a certain way....and I know they are still with me.
Deep peace to you, dear Friend.

Sent by Vi | 9:15 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Thank you Leroy and Laurie for this blog and being so honest about what you've experienced. Before I found this blog, I never knew how to help someone who has cancer. I had no idea what they were experiencing or what they needed from their friends and loved ones. You have helped me tremendously and I carry this information with me now for the "next time" someone I care for gets a cancer diagnosis. Thank you and take time to bask in the love that surrounds you.

Sent by E Larrieu | 9:16 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Leroy and Laurie,
We're praying for peace for you both. May you contine to find strength in this difficult time.

Thank you for everything you unselfishlessly give to so many! You're an inspiration.

Sent by Tracy | 9:18 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Leroy,
Your words have been an inspiration to me over the months. My heartfelt thanks to you and Laurie for sharing this journey with all of us. I wish you the peace that comes from knowing that you have lived a good life, and that you are loved.

With Gratitude,

Denise

Sent by Denise | 9:19 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Leroy and Laurie
I watched Randy Pausch on Oprah the other day and he says we can chose to be a "Tigger" or to be an "Eeyore". Personally, I think it is okay to be an Eeyore sometimes. Maybe not for long, but it is just too hard to be a Tigger all the time.

Sent by Dianne (DC) | 9:20 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Semms to me it's always a good time to be in a spirit of saying goodbye, a spirit of appreciation....hard to master, but when I read about an 18 year old killed in a car accident the day after H.S. graduation or a five year old killed by a rusty flagpole falling onto her I am reminded how tenuous is our hold on life. You, Leroy, walk that edge and share with us and remind us of life's preciousness.

Sent by Jon Levin | 9:21 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Sue Chap,
Congratulations..you have been through so much this last year! It is such a joy to see that happiness and love do overcome grief and despair!
Thanks for sharing your good news and I wish you much happiness!

Sent by Laurie Hirth | 9:21 AM ET | 06-12-2008

This is the one gift that cancer gives you. Don't think of this as putting your affairs in order and saying good bye. A better analogy is playing a rough game of tag or flag football with your friends. you are really tired, banged up, might have hurt a few feelings with some of your friends durring the game. But at the end, you and your friends walk to the Ice cream shop, hit the entrance and feel cool and refreshed. You take the time to laugh and joke about the day. I remember reading about a poet or a writer that on his death bed had a cocktail party in the hospital. Not sure if I read it from you and didn't think that was appropriate the first time I heard it. But understanding death. Holding both my parents hands when they passed. My dad's cancer was agressive, bone cancer with hypercalcemia caused him to loose his senses, talk, understand and communicate. We thought we had more time and didn't take advantage of the give that cancer gives us. We made it up in spades with my mom when she got sick 6 months after my dad passed. We didn't make every day count when she was sick, but I can tell you about every single day of that last week. Enjoy your time at the ice cream shop. We'll walk you there but can't stay, the street lights will be on soon and We'll have to head home.

Sent by Paul | 9:22 AM ET | 06-12-2008

I don't know if this is any help to you at all but you have given me so much strength in my own struggle with cancer. Your blog has been a godsend and I hope it helps you to know that you have given so much to so many people who face this terrible challenge each and every day.

Sent by Helene Weingarten | 9:22 AM ET | 06-12-2008

I have a thought about feeling our sadness and depression and grief. I think we need to go through these feelings to get to the other side of them. Early on in my cancer picture right after a liver metastasis was discovered, I went to my support group deeply upset & told everyone about how hard I was working to not give in to these feelings. Some of the best advice ever given me was to let go. Let go & experience them. That they would not drown me... but that quite the contrary, in order to come to peace with them and have a sort of acceptance of where I was cancer-wise, I needed to experience them.

How painful and frightening the thought of that was because I did feel I would drown under the intensity of these feelings but lo and behold, I came to a place of relative peace and acceptance after a time of allowing the feelings to come out where I could see them and deal with them .

I'd also thought I should keep these feelings from my husband , in fairness to him, but again someone wise reminded me that that would not be fair to him. That he needed a process to frame his grief. That he could not do that until I shared with him the fear and sadness that was overwhelming me.

Its eight years later and we are going on a two week vacation tomorrow. I've been off Xeloda for 3 weeks in order to clear up some Hand/Foot Syndrome stuff so I can enjoy our vacation more. My tumor markers are pretty low so I feel comfortable doing that, and incredibly grateful for that.

I won't be looking at a computer where we are going but I am emotionally taking Leroy & Laurie along with me and all the people who walk this same path, and when I am enjoying sunlight and shadow and mountains and earth I will be thinking of/praying for everyone.

Nancy

Sent by Nancy Oliveri | 9:22 AM ET | 06-12-2008

What beautiful honesty and vulnerability today, Leroy. Thank you so much for sharing it.

Sent by Katie | 9:22 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Leroy you know we all support you here and am glad writing the blog is helpful rather than a burden. Personally, I would like to know some of the details of "getting your affairs in order". I think I'm working on them but I'm not sure we have covered everything.

Reading your blog today I was reminded of one of your early blogs that I could truly identify with when you talked about becoming the comforter of others when you share the news. I think the thing I hate most about this is that you have to hurt so many people.

You may or not be amused by this but as I have shared my latest pet scans with people and they look scared to death I've been able to say, "Leroy's were worse."

I hope you will continue to share the things you are comfortable with because many of us need to hear them. Thanks.

Sent by Dona | 9:23 AM ET | 06-12-2008

During my treatment I spent a lot of time on my front porch, sitting in a swing and listening to the birds sing. My husband calls it the "therapy porch" - you have an open invitation to join me there, anytime. Until then, I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

Sent by Lesa in Kansas | 9:26 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Leroy and Laurie...

In a quote from Oswald Chambers, "Living a life of faith means never knowing where you are being led. But it does mean loving and knowing the One who is leading. It is literally a life of faith, not of understanding and reason - a life of knowing him who calls us to go."
I hope this might be a comforting thought as you put one foot before the other in these very difficult days. God bless you both...follow the leader!

Sent by Retha | 9:29 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Peace comes in the loving arms of family and friends. Surrender to the peace and love -- never to the disease. My father showed us the way.

Sent by Nancy | 9:29 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Leroy,

You are such a brave man. I just want to thank you for laying it all out there for all of us to share with you. This is the bare bones of what life is about. Know that you are loved and we in turn feel loved by you for allowing us to come along for the ride. We are right there with you.

Sent by Lisa Y | 9:30 AM ET | 06-12-2008

You have the peace Leroy, it is who you are, who we all are. Like you said, take time and just breathe and there is your peace. I think it is a lot of pressure to have to say goodbye. I think people know. Perhaps just think of this very moment and nothing else if you can and breathe. I have no right to give you advice but I want you to know that peace is yours. Just be Leroy and everyone will be at peace.

Hugs,

Lori

Sent by Lori | 9:31 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Thank you for sharing yourself with us. My dad passed away 3 months ago from lung cancer and I never talked to him about his fears and hopes. I hope you will always know that what you may define as therapeutic for you (the blog, the NPR articles, etc.), is also very therapeutic for us.
You are in my thoughts.

Sent by Julie Molavi | 9:31 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Leroy and Laurie
The comfort and incredible strength you both have provided this community has been amazing. I keep a quote taken from this blog many months ago tapped to my computer. It goes:
Nothing is settled. Everything matters.
Even though the past is the past, what is not settled is how the story turns out. As long as we are alive, the story of our life is still being told, and the meaning is still open. What is done is done, but nothing is settled; and if nothing is settled then everything matters: every choice, every act, every word, every deed. They matter in the days ahead and most of all they matter today.

Thank you.
Peace be with you.

Sent by jessie | 9:32 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Leroy,
I just want you to know that you have made such a difference in so many lives. I pray God is kind to you and you find the peace and strength to get through this. This is so hard, I'm so tired of watching so many GOOD PEOPLE go through this. But PLEASE REMEMBER THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS YOU MADE SUCH A DIFFERENCE IN THIS WORLD. Many people live to their 80s and never make an impact the way you have. You have made a difference and that is what you must draw your strength from. We all love you like your family. You opened up your feelings and helped us all deal with the feelings we have inside but could not put into words. THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH FOR TAKING THE TIME TO HELP OTHERS. God bless you.
Laurie,
I want you to know you are in my prayer too. This is going to be hard for you. To watch someone you love go through this is hard on the person that is left behind. I pray that God gives you the strength that is needed. Know that we are all here for you. Hold on to every second you have. Enjoy your time together. Try and laugh and love each other. Take a walk on the beach and enjoy the beautiful day. I know how hard that is when all you can think about is that the one you love is going away and you won't be able to be with them, but try and do that enjoy you time together. That is the one good thing that this monster does. It teaches us what is truely important in our lives. I want you to know that when my husband died there was so many people there for me and my kids and it really did help but you will still feel alone. I always said how can a person have so many people there for them and still feel all alone. But you need to know that there are people that love you and will be there for you and you are not alone. When you feel down you need to let the people close to you help you.
I just want you both to know you have both made such a difference in this world and I thank you with all my heart. But please, don't give up say the things that need to be said and hope for an miracle. We can never give up hope. May God bless you both.

Sent by Aurella | 9:33 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Dear Leroy,

I wish I could impart to you some great wisdom, but you have lived and learned far more than I have. But I do believe this - You are more than just a body. Your heart, your spirit, have shown brightly for all of us here. Those best parts of you are forever. You will endure.

Love and Prayers to you and Laurie-

Sent by May Beth Monterosso | 9:40 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Dear Leroy, I can only imagine the difficulty of those conversations you are having. It is so sad to ponder leaving the people you love and to have the burden of that imminence on you. I guess now is a busy time but once you have gotten "your affairs in order" I wish you the peace and serenity you so need. I wish Laurie and you courage and clarity of emotion.

Sent by Alycia Keating | 9:41 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Leroy,
Quit being discouraged. i got my affairs together 36 years ago when i began working. It just makes it easier for our family to know what to do with our affairs. Lift up your spirit.

Sent by helen | 9:41 AM ET | 06-12-2008

"But the most important thing I need to do is to remind myself to spend a little time finding the peace I need so badly these days."

Leroy, I know how elusive peace seems...but when you can't feel it or touch it, look around. Look next to you, look in the mirror and look inside. It's right there. You just have to stop long enough to touch it.

Strong thoughts, as always.

Sent by Pat | 9:41 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Outside the Lahey Clinic in Burlington, MA, there is a rock with the words HOPE, STRENGTH, REMEMBRANCE carved into it. I walked by that rock so many times while taking my mother there for chemo and doctor appointments. Then I walked by when I was visiting her there. Each time I would look at the rock and focus on what I needed that day. For a long time it was HOPE. Then STRENGTH. She's been gone almost four years but I haven't been back to draw REMEMBRANCE from that stone. I remember all on my own.
Leroy, I wish you STRENGTH.

JP

Sent by Jeanne | 9:43 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Leroy, I wish for peace for you and Laurie! You are such an important part of the lives represented here on this board. We need you and all the valuable times you have shared with us. We need this lesson too. Take care, Leroy, and savor the moments. You've made a difference in this world. How many of us can say that?

Isaiah 43: When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;...the rivers they shall not overwhelm you...For I am the
Lord your God . . .your Savior.

Sent by Linda Lee | 9:43 AM ET | 06-12-2008

I think it is a 'strong' person who can let themselves breakdown when the situation is appropriate. It is hard to be vulnerable and let that guard down. I don't know how long I will live, not many people do, but I do try to live well...let's remember..longevity is not the most important factor. Leroy, thank you so very much and I wish you much peace today.

Sent by Susie R. from OH | 9:44 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Those coversations will be cherished in the days ahead. You are a wonderful teacher Leroy. It is your true calling. Your honesty is such an inspiration. I hope you find your peace right there all around you, that it calms and comforts you. May you find a little of that peace today and everyday. That is my wish for you. Lots of love and prayers going out to you today.

Sent by JaeMoyer | 9:45 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Dear Leroy,

You are more than just a body. Your heart, your spirit, have shown brightly for all of us here. If not, why would so many who have never met you "in person" hold you as a dear friend. Your heart, your spirit, those invisible but real parts of you, they are forever. You will endure.

We love you!

Love and Prayers

Sent by Mary Beth Monterosso | 9:49 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Dear Leroy,

You are more than just a body. Your heart, your spirit, have shown brightly for all of us here. If not, why would so many who have never met you "in person" hold you as a dear friend. Your heart, your spirit - those invisible, but real parts of you, they are forever. You will endure.

We love you!

Sent by Mary Beth Monterosso | 9:51 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Leroy & Laurie

Here is a verse I find so beautiful, and it reminds me of what you are going through:

I'll tell you how the sun set. As shadows marched in lines,
And God sent west his rainbows, a color at a time,
The hills put on their blankets. The hawk and crow were done.
And as I said softly in twilight "See you tomorrow, sun."
I sat out in the darkness and I felt the dew drops fall.
I watched the moon rise in its place, I heard the night birds call.
God's world, in perfect order. In line, one after one.
May I be in accordance on my last setting sun.

-Johnny Cash (from the liner notes to Unchained)

And....thank you to ALL you people who have shared so many insights on this blog. We are all helping one another on this journey. Bless you.

Wendy

Sent by Wendy | 9:54 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Leroy,
Much love and prayers for your peace today.

Sent by Joyce | 9:56 AM ET | 06-12-2008

As kids we were told that it was how we played the game that counted, not the score. That is still true as adults, and even more so (I think) for those of us with cancer.

I have been reading your blog, Leroy, since you started writing it, which was shortly after I was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. You have allowed me to feel less alone as I struggle with my mortality, and issues surrounding my husband and two young children. I have been astonishingly well the last two years, but even so the specter never goes away entirely.

Although I have not always agreed with you, you have voiced my thoughts and feelings more times than I can count. You provide a forum for the understanding and expression of feelings that many find difficult to acknowledge. You are willing to lead us all to face our own difficulties.

Leroy, you play the game well.

Sent by Fran | 10:00 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Good Morning Leroy, Laurie and All,

Leroy, It is a good morning since I could see your post on the blog. Even tho it is the difficult subject of getting your affairs in order. You handle it with honesty and feelings so strong we can touch them! Tom and I created a Living Trust for our sons two years ago and you are right. It's deciding about the personal items that is the hardest, by far. In keeping current with things, we have given our sons extra material. In fact they tell us that they are going to have to build on extra space to hold all the information. But at least they will be prepared.

Laurie, I read your tribute to Leroy late yesterday due to medical appointments all day. Your words are so true and just beautiful!! You two are an awesome team!!

To Sue Chap, Congratulations on your engagement, that is wonderful news. And the fact that you have your Mother's diamond certainly makes it extra special. Have a wonderful life together!

To All, I know that our journies on this path in Cancer World will be of various lengths. And none of us know just how long ours will be. But it has been a priviledge to have walked with each of you! I know that my path is becoming shorter too, both by the way I feel and the reports that I am getting. And at times I can see that Tom realizes it too, his eyes are red from crying. But he still tries to hide his tears from me. But thanks to Leroy and Laurie, we all have each other for support and that is what counts!! God Bless!!

Eileen Pruyne
Charlotte, NC

Sent by Eileen Pruyne | 10:00 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Dear Leroy and Laurie,
My thoughts and prayers are with you always. I loved Paul's post about the ice cream shop and having to leave. . . it brought goose bumps to me.
~ Margo

Sent by Margo Gerber | 10:02 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Good Morning Leroy, the sun is shining for you. I guess I just am echo-ing the thoughts of Aurella - you've made such a difference in this world and I hope contemplating the differences you've made in so many lives can bring you a little peace today. I've been reading your blog since September, when my friend passed from ewings sarcoma in his mid twenties. It shook me to the core really, I'd experienced cancer when my mom had breast cancer in her fifties, but was so shocked to have the health of a young friend who was presumably healthy and hanging out with us one day deteriorate and take him away so quickly the next. My friend read your blog every morning - I know you helped him deal and accept his life with cancer, and then eventually help him wrap his brain around the eventual inevitabilities that he faced. I imagine that you were a great comfort while his friends around him were in what you might call a state of denial, where we couldn't comprehend or admit to ourselves that he would actually be taken from us by this disease. Since his death I've read your blog every day. You've helped me deal with his passing, helped me understand what my mother and friend both went through both physically and psychologically and also inspired me to take every preventative caution and to take as best care of myself as I can. I really am grateful for your honesty and willingness to share with the community.
You are brave and a beautiful person and we are all standing in your corner.
with love

Sent by liz | 10:05 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Like Diane, I wondered too if it's easier to have time to prepare for the end of one's life or if it's easier if it comes suddenly. I work in a high school and last night was our senior awards ceremony. After watching several parents present memorial awards in memory of their children, I decided that although either way is extremely difficult to deal with, having time to say good-bye is a blessing. When there is no turning back, to be able to tell the people that mean the most to you how much you've appreciated having them in your life...is a gift.

Sent by Sue in Rochester, NY | 10:07 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Leroy,

Thank you for sharing your tears. I have heard it said that tears are our release valve to keep our emotions from exploding. I just wish it was more acceptable in our society to express our tears. Tears are God's gift - these are holy tears of love.

You will know when to say "good bye". Trust your heart.

May you find the peace you need in these days.

Sent by Pastor Pete | 10:11 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Hello, Leroy and Laurie. If Peace comes from knowing you have made a difference in the lives of others, then have peace. If you invited us, I think you'd have more than 200 standing on your doorstep to tell you what a difference you've made.

Sent by glenda | 10:13 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Leroy, In keeping with finding meaning and peace in the current moment: I want to share how much reading your blog and its posted comments has encouraged my healing. My father died in July 06 of lung cancer, having survived colon cancer in 1990, protate cancer 2000 and carotid artery surgery in 2005. He lived his life with joy and generosity of spirit, through all the struggles and doubts. I knew with such dreaded certainty that the spot on the lung, found in a hip surgery pre-op test the spring of 06, was establishing a new normal for us. I am grateful that I took each day as one more moment to say thank you, or I love you. That I made visits when he insisted that I wait until he felt better. But I will always live a regret that I didn't make it home one last time. I misunderstood his directive to just finish what I was doing, then come down. He knew, my brother knew, the hospice nurse knew that he probably had only a few days. But nobody told me that, in so many words. I heard what I needed to hear, what I wanted to hear: that my daddy was still going to be where I could hear "Helloooo, Kay" one more time. My one piece of advice to you, Leroy, is to be very, very clear about who you want to have close in the coming weeks. If you are tired of church folks and neighbors dropping by, hang a "Thanks but no visitors today" sign on the front door. If you want to see a brother again, even though he lives five states away, tell him so. If you want to hold your daughter's hand again, let her know just that. Don't worry about hurting feelings or inconveniencing people. Each loved member of your family and friend circle want to cherish you, as you need. To be left alone, or to sit quietly holding hands. It doesn't matter, all they want is to be there as you need them.

As a member of Leroy's Army I lift my wish of peace and comfort to the summer breeze, to be carried through your door and wrapped around your heart.

To Sue Chap:
I have read your postings, as religiously as Leroy's. Thank you for your steady insights.
And congratulations on your engagement. I know how it feels to cloak your new joy with your father and mother's love.

Sent by Kay from PA | 10:16 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Dear Leroy,
Peace and comfort for you, Laurie, and all the people who love and care for you. More than most humans, you have a huge, loving group of fellow travelers. We all love you.
Keep Breathing!

Sent by Beth | 10:18 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Leroy & Laurie,

What can we, your internet friends of the heart as well as warriors in the battle, do for you? We care about you both and are sending loving wishes your way.

When my husband's cancer exploded, we did take a day here and there that we declared as "cancer free days". Yes, we still knew it was there, lingering in the background, like a venomous snake ready for the kill. But we would talk, laugh, play, listen to music, do normal things and keep cancer away from us for just a few hours or a day. It was a glorious respite at that time.

I wish you peace Leroy. At this time, that is what you need and are asking for.

Sent by Annie | 10:21 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Peace and time and energy to be with Laurie and with each other...especially in the quiet of the night.
Sandra Yudilevich

Sent by Sandra Yudilevich | 10:22 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Leroy,

It doesn't matter if the timing of your goodbyes is "off." If you have to do it again and again, there is cause for rejoicing! However, I sense that you know without knowing that your time is limited, or else you wouldn't have started this leave taking in the first place.

One of the most beautiful things we humans can do for one another is to be transparent - to not hide what we feel from those who are dear to us.

To a certain degree, you have done that on this blog. I'm sure you do it more completely with Laurie and your close friends. I have been a recipient of that emotional generosity and thank you for it.

Whatever comes and whenever it comes, we are with you as much as we can be.

Blessings.

Sent by Diana Kitch | 10:23 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Leroy, you and Laurie telling us about your experiences and allowing others to share is a rare gift of love and hope. I will ever be thankful for you both.

Sent by Betty O'Connor, Fredericksburg, TX | 10:23 AM ET | 06-12-2008

I am struggling these past few days as I have read your posts, wanting to say something meaningful, something to make you and everyone here smile. As an oncology social worker, I do not say good bye, but as we are having those heartfelt end of life discussions, I thank each patient and their family for allowing me on their journey. It is a tremendous gift to be allowed to share in your journey, and Laurie's as well. I learned today of the loss of a wonderful woman I spent a weekend retreat with several years ago. She, like you, was a cancer warrior and an incredible human being. While the time we spent together was brief, she has left a lasting impression on my heart, just as so many of you all have done here as you share your pain and joy and trials. So while I am typing this with tears in my eyes, I am just trying to say thank you all for sharing your journey here on this blog. Thank you Leroy for putting yourself out there every day.

Sent by Karen | 10:23 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Leroy-
When my father was passing from liver/pancreatic cancer just less than a year ago, I went on-line and printed out a stack of your blogs. I hole punched them and put them in a binder for my dad to read. He was a lot like you- was very realistic about his disease, but never complained. He tried to find the humor in everything for as long as he could. I just want you to know that I still recieve the blogs everyday and I have you in my thoughts. I take a moment each morning for you. You have helped so many people in so many ways. If you try to follow me on this one- physical pain can (at times) be eased or taken away. Emotional pain is so much harder to deal with. Through you I made it through the hard times, you helped my dad with your words and your strength, you give a new meaning to strength and positivity. I am so sorry to hear that things are not going well for you. My family has been touched too many times with cancer and I hate so much to hear that you are struggling. You are an amazing man though and I hope you know that. Thank you for helping all of us - which you truly have. There are so many people with you during this. You are not alone.
With love,
April

Sent by April | 10:25 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Leroy,
What to say, Laurie's blog was a beautiful way to honor who you are, and what you have meant to me. Your blog reminds me that it is worth the fight, despite our lack of control over the outcome. Honesty in our relationships as we face the beast together. the gift of not having to walk this difficult path alone. I hope you can find some moments of peace.

Sent by ebr | 10:30 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Dear Leroy, I know there seems to be an unspoken rule about staying away from religion in these posts. I guess that is why I have not posted before. I have a hard time dealing with cancer and not addressing the spiritual part. So I read, I am inspired by your openess in this life situation, and I pray. I pray that God reaches out to you. I pray that your spirit will be as open to Him as your writing has been to us. I pray that you are able to reconcile whatever mysteries and disappointments still entangle you. I pray that you find His joy and peace in this time that few have peace. I thank God for you, your optimistic realism, and your love for the people in this world who are enduring illnesses.

As I have been dealing with my father's Acute Leukemia, your writings have been a bitter sweet comfort. They have been a guide on how to be a friend to him, although, Dad has definately comforted me more than I have him. Thank you, for this guide! I will continue to pray.

In Christ's Love,
Mary

Sent by Mary | 10:35 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Reading all these comments and sentiments these past few days has been inspiring! One of YOUR special talents, I realize now, is your uncanny ability in attracting so very many talented, caring, and loving people to this journey and story of yours Leroy.
You have the magnetic quality of bringing out the nicest and best qualities in your followers here. I feel honored to have literally "stumbled" upon your blog two years ago and have, and will always be, addicted to you my friend. If I could still sculpt, I would make a statue in your honor to stand in the Town Square with the rest of the great heros.

Sent by J C R | 10:37 AM ET | 06-12-2008

You are entitled to a little melodrama. Keep going. And keep blogging.

Sent by mt | 10:37 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Ah, Dude, what a journey you are on...and your readers are on it with you. When my father was ill, I prayed for four things - to be given the strength, energy and courage to get through whatever it was my family would be facing either that day or down the road. And, to have peace with the situation. Peace is a wonderful feeling. I hope you and Laurie find it soon.

Sent by Joyce in FL | 10:43 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Leroy, for months I have been reading daily for months, feeling dismay. You focused on the battle but did not seem to want to focus on the ultimate outcome. I wanted you to prepare yourself. I did not want death, the known victor in your battle to give you the punch while you were busy looking at war plans. I wanted you to spend time to get acquainted, to reach some acceptance. It was like reading a book and knowing how it would end and wanting to somehow warn the hero. I did not want to see you spend precious weeks or months in total anguish. I wanted there to be a relishing of what time remained with those who love you

Sent by Judy | 10:45 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Godspeed, Leroy!

Marilyn

Sent by Marilyn Bennett | 10:48 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Everyone else has said it all, Leroy. I have been reading your blog since you began writing, and thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing everything with this community. My thoughts are with you and Laurie.

Sent by Suzanne Mitchell | 10:52 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Dear Leroy, I have read your blog for quite awhile and have kept you in my prayers. I know a little of what you have gone through as I was diagnosed with endometrial cancer about 6 1/2 years ago, had major surgery, 33 radiation treatments, and 10 months of chemo. A little over 2 years ago, my oncologist told me my cancer is incurable, but at this time it is in remission. Knowing my Creator and knowing He loves me and having that assurance that someday I will spend eternity with Him in Heaven has given me a peace that passes all understanding. The Bible says in John 3:16: "For God so loved the world that He gave his only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish, but have eternal life." I pray that you will draw peace from this Bible verse. I continue to pray for you and your family. Linda Faulkner

Sent by Linda Faulkner | 10:54 AM ET | 06-12-2008

I began to date my husband in 1970 in east Texas , this was 3 years after the Lovings and the Supreme Court said it was legal, we are interracial. I learned then that the important things can not be put off because none of us are sure of anything but the moment. As you have shared your struggle you have given us so much, don't put off anything that gives you joy or peace. You richly deserve both. You are always in my prayers. Remember to recognize miracles, they happen daily.

Sent by Dianna Austin | 10:56 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Peace comes to each of us in it's own way. I found a little bit of it this morning in your blog. Reading of Sue Chap's recent engagement gave me a sense of peace knowing after the heartache that joy had re-entered her life. Best wishes, Sue.

Sent by Penny Coeur d'Alene, Idaho | 10:57 AM ET | 06-12-2008

You are loved and appreciated by so many of us Leroy. Keep fighting.

Sent by roni | 10:57 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Dear Leroy and Laurie, I knew one of these times when I opened the blog "the words" would be there. Today was that day. Hadn't read m/t. You have been so brave to share this incredible journey with us. (I know you hate the word brave) I hope you will take comfort knowing how many people's lives you have touched, made better and easier. Lean on us now and we will continue the walk. With affection, Barbara

Sent by barbara leighton | 11:06 AM ET | 06-12-2008

To Sue Chap:
I just read your message and I want you to know I understand where you are coming from. My dad passed August of 07. During that time I was pregnant with my first child. He was around long enough to find out it was a girl, but passed 5 months before her birth. It stinks that he cannot be here to see his first grandchild, but I know he is looking down in amazement at what a blessing she is. I am confident that your parents are together watching down at you and so proud of your recent engagement. I know it is tough, but I hope you have a beautiful wedding and know that your parents walk by your side during that time for sure. Thank you for sharing your story.

Sent by April | 11:09 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Leroy,
Thank you for laying it all out there for us. You are helping us prepare for our own days ahead.
Wishing you peace.
Charlotte in Rural Ridge, PA

Sent by Charlotte Kewish | 11:10 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Leroy,

For the past few days, I've been questioning whether all of the treatments and their nasty side effects have been worthwhile. Sometimes it seems like aggressive cancer drugs and surgery only postpone the inevitable while making the road there a heck of a lot bumpier. But then I think of all you've shared with this blog community over the past couple of years--wisdom, courage, warmth, joy--and there's no question that it was a good idea to keep you around for a while longer. So thanks for hanging out. A lot of us out here are living life a little larger, cancer or not, because of it.

Lucy

Sent by Lucy | 11:16 AM ET | 06-12-2008

It can be so hard to find a peaceful place! This poem, by Wendell Barry, has always struck a chord with me, and I hope it helps you, too:

The Peace of Wild Things by Wendell Barry

When despair for the world grows in me
and I wake in the night at the least sound
in fear of what my life and my children's lives may be,
I go and lie down where the wood drake
rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.
I come into the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought
of grief. I come into the presence of still water.
And I feel above me the day-blind stars
waiting with their light. For a time
I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.

Sent by Mary | 11:17 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Good morning Leroy
Thanks for posting today, I look forward to finding them in my inbox every day. I agree with a lot of people here, let everyone you love know how much you love them. I remember calling my sister up in Scotland for her 50th birthday and singing to her down the phone lines. She just cracked up laughing and calling me names, I told her she was now on the slippery slope. 10 months later she was gone from NHL. I travelled to Scotland and spent a month with her when she was first diagnosed, just to help her thru her first chemo, cook for her etc, just be with her. She was not married but had one daughter and a brand new grandbaby that she was so proud of. When I got the news that the end was near, I want back to Scotland for the final time. She was very medicated and would only wake when prodded. I spent the next 8 days 24/7 by her bedside in the hospital sitting on a chair. One night she woke on her own and looked at me and knew who I was. She told me I was her best friend. That meant more to me than winning the lottery. I got to say the same to her. I was with her when she passed holding her hand. The day she died we found letters at her home that she had written to us all, they were amazing. Let the people closest to you know how you feel about them. Tell them every day, leave them in no doubt about your feelings. Sorry to hijack you thread here Leroy, just it brought back so many memories. On a lighter note, Sue Chap, congratulations on your good news.
Peace to you and Laurie today and every day Leroy.

Sent by Fay Beech | 11:21 AM ET | 06-12-2008

I'm with you. Had breast cancer three times, currently having radiation. I'm a hospital chaplain, and I wonder if you have a spiritual life?

Sent by Perry Colmore | 11:23 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Hi Leroy:

You are still in my prayers during this difficult and uncertain time. It is hard.
When I read today's post I thought about a bible verse in which Jesus says "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."
Jesus will give you peace.

I will continue to pray.

Leroy, take care. My heart goes out to you!

Sent by Rita | 11:24 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Well Larry I got the same news from my
doctors yesterday "Put your things in order"...My only daughter burst in to tears i held her close in my arms...i didn't know what to say to her so nervously i said "well Emily it ain't over till the fat lady sing" let's make the most of whatever time we've got left....2 years ago my daughter called me in the middle of the night,in tears she asked me for $15,000.00 dollars,so she go get this special procedure in order to have a baby and this procedure is not 100% guaranteed...So i cried because i didn't have the money at the time and it was only a matter of months cause they were going to surgicaly remove her ovaries....
Alouth of things were going on in my life,so i went back to bed wandering what could i possibly do for my daughter,so i decided to pray and ask:
""Dear god take my life and give my daughter the baby she longs for" Yes folks this in not from a movie...one or two months later i get this call and my daughter tells me dad you are going to be a grandfather...you see my daughter doen't know a thing about the bible and she was a bit disappointed when that night i had told her the only thing left to do was to pray for a miracle..Finally without realizing it, she named my grand son Zacharie..witch prophet prayed God so is wife could give him a son...
Well finally maybe for a non believer it was just another coincidence but for me with 6 month or more left to live,it gives me moments of peace and serenity in thinking that God answered my prayer that night...I don't know how this is going to end for me but all i can say is "God i trust that you will take care of me and the people i love and specially Leroy" Thank you God...Amen

Marcel

Sent by Marcel Mason | 11:25 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Ditto every word said here . Hey Liz L...on your way to Leroys party, will you swing by my house and we'll carpool!!

WE LOVE YOU LEROY AND LAURIE!!!!!!!!!!!!

LIZ Z

Sent by liz Zimmerman | 11:32 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Leroy and Laurie, You have so many people walking this walk with you. May you find some peace in knowing that you are not alone in this, that we love and share your pain, as does God, and we will be praying for you both.

Sent by Marilyn Hilliard | 11:36 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Leroy, Peace is hard to come by, at least for me. I am basically doing the same things you are, maybe a little behind. Tough conversations have never been difficult, emotional ones now that is a different story. I try to gather the strengh, but you can't predict what will happen. Makes it difficult to really prepare.I am a person who was always prepared, this leaves me perplexed. It is an uneasy feeling, but then the whole of the Cancer World gives me the same feeling. Thoughts. stan

Sent by Stan Wozniak | 11:36 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Dear Leroy/Laurie,
Just wanted to let you know that the situation here is dire but surprisingly my husband isn't depressed anymore. Though he has lost track of time and place, he is no longer fighting the demons that have tortured him these past 18 months. He smiles at me when I come into the room, something that he hasn't been able to do for a very long time. He's very near the end but I no longer see any anger or frustration in him. For such a horrendous illness, which came in like a lion, it is so surprising that it is going out like a lamb. I hope this will ease your fear a bit. Maybe death really is just as natural a part of life as birth.

Sent by Elaine | 11:39 AM ET | 06-12-2008

I think peace comes after we pray that we'd accept with grace the road that God has for our life. Not just utter "religious words", but earnestly pray from our gut. Then we must be willing for peace a moment at a time, and not try to always be looking down the road at what may or may not lie ahead. If we're at peace for the moment, then the moments turn into minutes and min. into hrs. and so on. Thanks you and Laurie for sharing a most personal time and experience.

Sent by Susan | 11:40 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Hi Leroy-wishing you the strength that comes from family and friends who care. This blog community has been a great support to so many of us.
Thanks for all you do,

Sent by Jean | 11:46 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Dear Leroy. Thank you for allowing us to enter your life and thank you for entering ours on a daily basis.
I was diagnosed stage 3 over 3 years ago. I believe I became a survivor the day I survived the news that I have cancer. To-date I continue to be NED (no evidence of disease) and try to remember that each day is a gift.
May you feel the peace that only He can provide us.
2 Corinthians 1: 4 He comforts us every time we have trouble.
God bless you Leroy!
DeAnna

Sent by DeAnna Hendricks | 11:50 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Leroy and Laurie,
You are such an inspiration to me. You have touched my life and I will always be greatfull. You know your shirt that says "CANCER SUCKS"? Well, I have enjoyed wearing many variations of the Cancer Sucks shirts. I have one that says, "Stick, Drip and Yak". It has the very large needle, the IV Pole and a green cartoon person. It is absolutely hilarious. I have about 7 different shirts. I enjoyed wearing them to chemo. Everyone always laughed and loved my shirts. I wore it to the Relay For Life walk a few weeks ago. Each time I wear them, people ask me about it. I always mention you and your blog hoping that someone else will be inspired by your blog as I have been. I take a part of you with me every day, even on those days I don't wear my shirts. You are an amazing person. You have reached out through your blog and touched each of us so deeply. A simple thank you will never be enough to express the gratitude and emotions that each of us feels for you. Quite simply....You are one of the most amazing people that I have ever had the privilege of coming into contact with.
When my day comes and they say the cancer has exploded, I have told everyone my plan. I want to board a plane to Hawaii. I will find a small house to rent on the ocean and spend my days enjoying as many of my family and friends that can make the trip to visit. (I have told them....when else will you get a free place to stay in Hawaii???) I would prefer to be on the Big Island, but I won't be picky. The breathtaking views and just gazing into the ocean will fill my days. I need the calm of the ocean, the beauty of the islands and the peacefulness that I have only ever found in Hawaii. This is my dream and my peace.
Please take time for yourself. Enjoy your family and friends. Find what will bring you peace and comfort and know that "Leroy's Army" is marching with you always.

Sent by Amy Welbaum | 11:55 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Dear Leroy,
We're all on the same path, and once again, you shine a light for the rest of us who have not yet reached the place you are, but know we probably will someday soon.Yesterday I spent over an hour getting scans. Today, I'm waiting for results. But lying on that impossibly narrow table, I was calm (even though a couple of tears slid down my face). I thought, "Hmmm...let's see if I can dredge up just a tiny fraction of the courage Leroy shows?"And it worked!

Here's a poem that brings me peace. If it's too long, maybe just a link to it can be provided:

A Blessing
by James Wright

Just off the highway to Rochester, Minnesota,
Twilight bounds softly forth on the grass.
And the eyes of those two Indian ponies
Darken with kindness.
They have come gladly out of the willows
To welcome my friend and me.
We step over the barbed wire into the pasture
Where they have been grazing all day, alone.
They ripple tensely, they can hardly contain their happiness
That we have come.
They bow shyly as wet swans. They love each other.
There is no loneliness like theirs.
At home once more,
They begin munching the young tufts of spring in the darkness.
I would like to hold the slenderer one in my arms,
For she has walked over to me
And nuzzled my left hand.
She is black and white,
Her mane falls wild on her forehead,
And the light breeze moves me to caress her long ear
That is delicate as the skin over a girl's wrist.
Suddenly I realize
That if I stepped out of my body I would break
Into blossom.

Sent by Doris | 11:57 AM ET | 06-12-2008

Leroy,
You and Laurie are in my thoughts and prayers. Sending love and hugs to you both.

Sent by Kathleen | 12:02 PM ET | 06-12-2008

Your words just bring tears to my eyes. You are so strong Leroy and such a good teacher. I hope never to be in your shoes or at least no time soon. However, if I am, you are preparing me more than you know.

Sent by Lisa | 12:06 PM ET | 06-12-2008

Leroy,

Ever since I saw you on Ted Koppel's special last year I have felt like a voyeur reading this blog. It's like a secret peek into another world, a world that is scary, unpredictable and emotional but a world that you and others have found comfort & safety in. I pray for everyone on this blog every day, you have all shown such grace and eloquence through your struggles. It gives me much faith and hope in the human race. Thank you and God bless all of you.

Sent by Cheryl Scott | 12:07 PM ET | 06-12-2008

Getting to peace is a different road each time-who the hell knows where it is now? I always look around when I get there and comment on the travel accomodations.Hoping you give yourself several breaks today and mix Laurie a nice cocktail.

Sent by sue mac | 12:10 PM ET | 06-12-2008

Dearest Leroy,
We are not ready to say goodbye just yet. Let's all just live today as if it is your last day...after all none of us have a promise of tomorrow. My Dad was given 3 to 6 months and he lived approx. 1 1/2 years. The doctors are good but they are not God.....Love and Hugs

Sent by Teresa in WV | 12:10 PM ET | 06-12-2008

My Dear Friend,
I could write a book about how wondrous it was finding your blog but will try to keep this mercifully short. I was diagnosed with breast and lung cancer at age 78. That was two years ago. It was difficult for me to share because I thought all would think I was too old for it to matter; however, I believe we all experience the same responses regardless of age. I have a mentally ill son who will soon turn fifty. He was a real pioneer in the mental health world which was full of holes in its care. And still is. Lou was drug resistant for most of his anguished life but is presently on a medication which mutes his delusional process to a point where he can function at a low level. My doctors know I want to live as long as I can in order to advocate for him. This is the dark side of medicine. Add to this my sense of alienation due to my age and you get a sense of how lonely my journey. I tell you all this so you can imagine how happy I was to find you. You have truly, on many days, been my lifeline. I join with all the others who want for you that peace. My heart is sad. I send you much love. Joyce H.

Sent by Joyce Hughes | 12:11 PM ET | 06-12-2008

Leroy, I've been following your blog for a long time, but have never written. I've come to know the cancer world via a close family member who has a brain tumor. Your words and positive thoughts have lifted me up so many times, and I just want to thank you, and to tell you that I'm so, so sorry for what you are going through. You're in my thoughts.

Sent by Cynthia | 12:26 PM ET | 06-12-2008

Thank you, Leroy, for continuing to write your blog during these difficult days. As many others have said, YOU HAVE MADE A DIFFERENCE in so many lives. You help me keep putting one foot in front of the other each day, regardless of what news the latest scan or lab result may bring.

So many beautiful and inspiring words today...Laurie Hirth's words to cling to, Don MacLeod's sage advice, Annie's 'cancer free' days, Mary's spiritual words, Marcel's miracle grandson...they all fill my heart.

And congratulations to Sue Chap on her engagement - yes, life does go on after a heartbreaking loss.

I pray you and Laurie find peace.
Faith - Hope - Love

Sent by Dianne in Nevada | 12:35 PM ET | 06-12-2008

Dear Leroy,

You are such a light to us all -- How fortunate we are to share time and space with you. Your voice (and the voices of Laurie and all your many devoted readers/responders) is my morning devotional, setting the tone for the day. Thank you ... with all my heart.

I wish I could re-gift you with words of my own, but I seem to find myself mute. (This would be great news to my husband and kids!) William Stafford, however, presents what I might wish to say today, so here goes:

THE DREAM OF NOW
When you wake to the dream of now
from night and its other dream.
you carry day out of the dark
like a flame.
When spring comes north, and flowers
unfold from earth and its even sleep,
you lift summer on with your breath
lest it be lost ever so deep.
Your life you live by the light you find
and follow it on as well as you can,
carrying through darkness wherever you go
your one little fire that will start again.
-- William Stafford

With wishes for the peace that passes understanding, always,

Kim Forester

Sent by Kim Forester | 12:36 PM ET | 06-12-2008

I have been following your journey since the TV special but have never commented before. I have helped friends through cancer world and know how difficult it is on everyone. My friend, who passed away from a brain tumor, retreated into her self during the final months. I respect her desire to do so and would probably go that way myself. If you get to that point, I hope that you can help your friends along the way by continuing to communicate through the blog. Remember that all any of us really has for certain is today..right now...seize it! Cindi

Sent by Cindi from Baton Rouge | 12:41 PM ET | 06-12-2008

Leroy and Lauri,
Just wanted to say I wish you both peace and love, and I truly know what you are going through. I have had to put my affairs in order....still waiting for the expiration date to come, and so far it is taking its time.
When I got cancer I was angry...now I look at it differently. I see it as a gift. It made me slow down and appreciate all the loved ones and friends. It made me slow down and appreciate all the small stuff. I know this time is hard and emotional, but if you look at it differently, you are given the gift to tell the ones you love how much you love and how much they have meant to you. Anybody can get hit by a bus and just go...we who fight this cancer beast, get a chance to appreciate life and show love like no other can do.
Don't give up yet...cancer is not who you are....You are a special person who has given millions of us who have cancer a voice, and are a gift to all of us.
Love and Peace
Miriam

Sent by Miriam | 12:49 PM ET | 06-12-2008

Leroy:
I can't help but feel a little selfish, but I, like Joyce Smith, wonder what my world will be like when your blog isn't there each morning. You, and those on the blog have been such a great source of peace for me and a place I can go when I need to connect to the past illness and when I need to share going on without Burge. Perhaps it is because feeling another's pain somehow lessens mine. As Shakespeare said in Romeo & Juliet "one fire burns out another's burning. One pain is lessened by another's anguish."

Like Lesa in KS, Peace this morning comes from simple things like listening to the birds. There is a mocking bird singing as if all was right with the world, but even he doesn't know when it will end...like a shot from the dark, or a cat...but he obviously isn't worrying about it. If only we could be the same.

Burge and I found peace by just holding each other while we watched TV, listened to music, or read our books. I know how Sasha feels when people tell you to "do all those things you always wanted to do." When you don't feel well, you can't. We also came to the point where we did not accept visitors as it was just too much, especially when they tried to give advice on death when they had no idea what we had been through. (yes, they meant well, but it didn't help).

Congratulations Sue Chap. I also have my Mother first diamond in my wedding set and although it is quite small, it shines ever so bright reminding me that quality trumps quantity in love.

Leroy: There will always be something we miss when "putting our affairs in order" so do what you can and the rest will take care of itself.

Hugs & Prayers to all.

Nikki

Sent by Nikki in Kansas | 12:49 PM ET | 06-12-2008

Leroy, When my friend found out her cancer was "everywhere" including her brain,she knew her 16 year fight was over. I'm fighting the same disease and am stage 4. I asked her where she was inside and she said "I've alway had hope but no peace. Now I have peace but no hope." I could hear that she truely did sound calm and peaceful. That didn't mean she didn't weep any more. She didn't want to go. But she was at peace with it.

Her words have haunted me. I want peace AND hope. Peace comes in those quiet moments when the chatter of the brain is stilled. I have finally felt it in fleeting moments lately. I wish you beautiful peace. Make some stillness, dear one.

Kate Sullivan

Sent by K. Sullivan | 12:51 PM ET | 06-12-2008

Thank you, Leroy, for today's post and all the emotion in and between the lines. When my mother's doctor told her she had six months, she started keeping a journal (before blogs). She'd never kept a journal and wasn't sure what to write or how much she'd write. Sometimes days, even weeks, went by between her notes: some funny, some sad, some simply matter-of-fact to-do lists. She kept writing, well past the six month mark and on to two years. After she filled her second notebook, she remarked that she never thought she'd have enough time, or enough to say, to fill even a page.
Your blog--with all your joy in living, sense of humor, frustrations, sadness, hope--still has many empty pages to fill. I hope you and Laurie will continue to share and find comfort, love and support with this amazing community that has come together around you. But I think many of us will understand the need to retreat sometimes into the smaller circle of family and friends. Just know we are here.

Wishing you both peace in this difficult times.

Sent by Kellie in Switzerland | 12:53 PM ET | 06-12-2008

You rock.

Sent by Rose | 12:58 PM ET | 06-12-2008

Leroy,

I know deep down these days were coming at some point but somehow I hunkered down into a comfort zone and denied this discussion was going to happen. Today, my heart cries for you. The tears, however, are mixed; tears of joy for having had this wonderful time with you although we have never met in person; tears of pain for all you have been through and to know some of the toughest days are ahead.

To add to Dianne in Nevada...the greatest of these is LOVE. May your days be blessed and may all your circle of family and friends have their burdens lifted!

Sent by Ed Brown | 1:04 PM ET | 06-12-2008

Re "getting affairs in order," it's amazing the size of the wake that we leave in our lives, isn't it? But I must say, Leroy, the wake that you will leave is greater than most. Hundreds of us will be part of it and much better persons because of it. Be very proud of what you have accomplished, and know that many of us still believe
in miracles.

Sent by Marilyn Trujillo | 1:11 PM ET | 06-12-2008

I find I have two wishes today... One that you feel deep down confident that it is possible to have a well-managed almost-pain-free end of life where your wishes, whatever they may be, are truly respected. I haven't given up on hope, no, but no matter what happens, there's tremendous benefit in not having to expend too much energy or sleepless nights fearing pain or the results of decisions you don't want. The loved one I lost to lung cancer is an example of how this can work. He did not suffer in a physical way. We have all heard the grim stories of suffering but there are other stories out there. It's so important to be able to go forward with that secure knowledge that while the emotional pain is part of living and dying there needn't be physical pain (beyond what a person already bears with cancer) or extreme invasiveness.

And second: Your 'weeks or months' is one time scale. The other time scale is living on for a very long time in people's hearts and memories: your family's, your friends', and even the public's. I'd like to think this is the most tremendous gift, a mutual gift of memory and meaning, that humans create together.

Sent by Barbara K | 1:23 PM ET | 06-12-2008

I don't know whether this site will accept this link, but I just received this from a friend and it seems perfect to share with all today. It's a beautiful 3 minute movie entitled, "May You Be Blessed."

http://www.simpletruths.tv/movies.php?movie=MYBB

Sent by Dianne in Nevada | 1:25 PM ET | 06-12-2008

Leroy, I was directed to your blog by a friend who had cancer. She wanted me to have a better understanding of what she was going through. She said that you had a wonderful way of describing and sharing all of the feelings and emotions that are assoiciated with this disease. Thank you for this valuable insight. You are truely an inspiration. Your sharing, courage and love have helped so many people. God bless you, my prayers are with you.

Sent by Barb P. | 1:31 PM ET | 06-12-2008

Dear Leroy:

As I read your posts the past several days, I keep going back to the words of the Spanish mystic Teresa of Avila. You are an inspiration as you "have the courage for whatever comes in life-everything lies in that".

Sent by Kate | 1:33 PM ET | 06-12-2008

My family has lost a number of members to various forms of cancer. I am a cancer survivor myself, 29 years so far. Your blogs and on-air comments enrich my life and my memories of family now gone. Whatever happens, your willingness to share your experience is a gift and legacy you can be proud of. You and your family are in my prayers.

Sent by Rose Marie Walter | 1:35 PM ET | 06-12-2008

Leroy- Your courage is amazing, although not a lot different from the Leroy I have known for years. My thoughts and prayers are with you, big guy. Joe Regan.

Sent by Joe Regan | 1:38 PM ET | 06-12-2008

Leroy and All:

Such beautiful words today. So many bloggers walking at their own pace down this difficult path. Thanks to Leroy and Laurie, we have a better idea how to navigate with grace and humility.
Leroy, please don't feel guilt for your emotions. You have nothing to regret. You have shown us so much strength in difficult times. When you feel a wave of sadness, let it out. Sadness and grief are real emotions we all have from time to time. If this isn't an appropriate time, then when is?
Sue: I smiled at your big news -- congrats on your engagement!
Kay from PA said it so well -- "As a member of Leroy's Army I lift my wish of peace and comfort to the summer breeze, to be carried through your door and wrapped around your heart."
Rhonda Howard

Sent by Rhonda Howard | 1:50 PM ET | 06-12-2008

Leroy,

Here is the Old Gaelic Prayer I pray for you:

Deep peace of the running wave to you
Deep peace of the flowing air to you
Deep peace of the shining stars to you
Deep peace of the quiet earth to you
Deep peace of the gentle night to you
Deep peace of the God of peace to you.

Blessings.

Sent by Julie Ray | 1:53 PM ET | 06-12-2008

Leroy,

I had to giggle at your self-admoshiment of being "over-dramatic". My first reaction was "if not now, when?" But I do understand. Although, do not discount the impact the strong emotions you have on those around you. It's not all negative. I needed to see my mom react honestly to her disease so I could be ok with my own reactions. There comes a point where being strong means letting go.

As a daughter who has burried a mother and father, I can tell you the end of life discussions that happened were filled with laughter and tears from all. And, yes, they took some time. Bravo to you for addressing some of your issues earlier. Could you imagine now having to bridge all of the issues now, when the physicality of the disease is high and energy levels are low?

Leroy, I want you to know this converstaion you started, has helped me understand more about those around me and myself. I feel as if I grown through the collective experience and I would not trade a moment of it for anything in the world. Had I not been diagnosed myself, I never would have happened upon you and this testament. Thanks Leroy :o)

Sent by Teri Thomas | 1:57 PM ET | 06-12-2008

Leroy, it seems that you are echoing our thoughts. On Tuesday we were told my husband has 3 to 4 months from brain cancer. He's lived for almost 4 years with this diagnosis, but now that the end is so near, we need to have all those conversations with friends and family. It is so hard...to say...and for them to hear. We are with you on this blog every day and in our thoughts. Be strong. Pat and Paul

Sent by Pat Syvertsen | 1:59 PM ET | 06-12-2008

Dear Leroy. I??m a stranger, a constant reader to your blog.
I look for the words I need, to explain what??s rushing through my mind but I think all those above and more have put it pretty close. I feel the same as they do. I want to say the same things they do; Peace, love and power to you Leroy!

"here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;
which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)"(ee cummings)
Ain??t love grand .. love Leroy and thank you - thank you so much.

Sent by Helena | 2:02 PM ET | 06-12-2008

Leroy & Laurie,

Today, just breathe.

Much love from your Fighting Irish Friend, Debra

Sent by Debra in New Hampshire | 2:07 PM ET | 06-12-2008

To me, getting your affairs in order means simply go ahead and do what you've been meaning to do, wanting to do, should've done a long time ago. For many, their financial, legal affairs are already in order. It's the people stuff that might not be in order, i.e. telling someone you love that you love them; telling your children things you've always wanted to say but were so busy, it never quite came out; making peace with difficult family members; reaching out to those who have for years just been in your thoughts. This is what getting your affairs in order means to me. Then, you're truly at peace with yourself and those around you, eh?

Sent by Linnea | 2:13 PM ET | 06-12-2008

Thank you for your vulnerability and honesty today and every day. You are an inspiration to so very many. I am praying that you find peace. We are only human and can only expect so much out of ourselves, so be gentle on yourself!

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27

Sent by Autumn | 2:14 PM ET | 06-12-2008

Hi Leroy and Laurie,
I have copied in a poem by Ken Brewer, which he wrote shortly after his diagnosis with pancreatic cancer. I personally have found his off-center-in-your-face approach to cancer and death comforting. He wrote literally hundreds of poems before his death in 2005. If you are interested, more of his poetry can be found at:
http://chazzbot.blogspot.com/2006/03/ken-brewer-remembered.html

Death sits on the side of my bed/
skirt hiked to the hair line, says/
Hi handsome. Dance with me?/
No thanks, I say, not yet./
I'm just a man with pancreatic cancer,/
not a corpse. Besides, I'm married./
Death stands and straightens his skirt./
I'll be back, marriage or not./
Then he stumbles on his high-heeled shoes./
Careful, I say, you'll kill yourself /
trying to walk like that. But the room,/
empty, squinches up like cheap perfume./
Left alone, I admit I could become Mr. Bones,/
and do that old soft shoe shuffle, tap, shuffle./
My father did that at the end, bones in my arms,/
as I carried him to the car for Indianapolis and the /
big VA Hospital where he saw Death getting out of a cab,/
Nice legs, babe, you wanna dance? And did./
-- "The Visit"
06/25/05

Sent by roxane | 2:21 PM ET | 06-12-2008

Everyday I read and I want to comment and say something that hasn't been said, something that does not sound cliche or redundant, and will make a difference to you - give you peace. I guess that is way beyond my abilities, but I hope you can find some comfort in knowing how much you've come matter to so many. You are most definitely not alone.

Peace be with you.

Sent by Susan | 2:26 PM ET | 06-12-2008

Leroy, reading your blog helped me get through my mother's battle with lung cancer back in 2006. Your courage, honesty and humor helped make a dark time a little more bearable. Please know you and your loved ones are in the thoughts of all your readers, and that you've had a profound effect on people you've never even met.

Sent by Jason O. | 2:28 PM ET | 06-12-2008

Dear Leroy, You have made a difference. By sharing you life with us, my wife and I don't feel alone. I hope all of us can find the peace we are seeking. Let us all enjoy the time we have left with uor loved ones. Sincerly,

Sent by Ron | 2:30 PM ET | 06-12-2008

Dear Leroy,

You need peace, so talk to God. Lay it all out for Him. I know it's all part of the great mystery of life, but I choose to believe God is listening. And I cannot believe that God will deny you peace of mind and soul and body.

When I'm afraid, I can calm and comfort myself with a mantra that I repeat to my Creator until I feel the fear subside:

I trust You.
I trust You.
I trust You.

I absolutely trust that you'll have peace.

STILL LIFTING!

Sent by Janice J. , Los Angeles | 2:31 PM ET | 06-12-2008

Leroy,

My thoughts continue to be with you on your journey. Yes, by all means there are things to take care of- business/financial/legal, etc.. But realize that (as so many of us who have worked hard all their lives, and now face the uncertainty and battle with disease have not), that you personally deserve and need some time with you and your thoughts. It may be coming to grips with things that were achieved well, not so well, or not at all- but now is a time to put it all into perspective for yourself and if needed, your loved ones and closest as well. Find a way to become at peace with yourself, your life, and your world, and carry the warm glow of knowledge and perspective of being granted time on this planet to live a life and experience it- all of it.

With king regards and thoughts,

Dave

Sent by Dave | 2:34 PM ET | 06-12-2008

Dear Leroy,

I am an Oprah watcher and in the last year she has talked in various ways about "making and living your best life". Your life seems to have had so many varied and interesting chapters. I suspect that you always were in the process of living your best life. But in these last few years, with the tv show and this blog you have done this in spades. Under such difficult circumstances you have endured and taught others how to do the same. What a best life you have lived! Thank you for sharing it.

Sent by Linda | 2:39 PM ET | 06-12-2008

Leroy, your words give me peace.

Dave
Dallas,Tx.

Sent by Dave Wright | 2:46 PM ET | 06-12-2008

Leroy, while I only discovered your blog last week, I believe your archived posts have already helped me be a better friend to my friend who was just diagnosed with cancer. Thank you, and may you continue to draw peace, strength, and comfort from your many friends here.

Sent by Christine | 2:49 PM ET | 06-12-2008

Dear Leroy,

I just stumbled onto your blog and the timing couldn't have been more perfect.

My mother was just diagnosed with lung to brain cancer mid-March and I've been really focusing on keeping her in the "now"...we, too, have taken care of the legalities this past month which did give my mom a little piece of mind. She is now going through treatments and doing very well, but one never knows the future.

To be a caregiver is difficult since most of us don't know what your truly going through and we want to do anything and everything we can. Your blog, from what I just read, really gives us an insight to your strong feelings...putting it all out there and we are all grateful for your courage.

One interesting thing that has helped my mother, is to not "own" the cancer...for her, she will never say, "my cancer"...it is "the cancer"..it struck me, when I read that in your title. I understand both ideologies..just commenting with no judgement.

I look forward to reading more and becoming more informed.

Take Care and Love to you and your family/friends,
Kristin

Sent by Kristin Mule' | 2:50 PM ET | 06-12-2008

Oh, Leroy. I have been offline for a few days and I just checked in. I am so sorry, still rooting for you and for Laurie and your inner circle, but sorry for me, too...you are a guiding light to so many of us living with or warding off this disease. Sending you all my very best and most positive thoughts, knowing you are navigating this new part of the journey with such grace and courage.

Sent by Leigh Hough | 3:12 PM ET | 06-12-2008

Peace seems so tenuous and fragile, but you have helped me touch it,Leroy. I hope we can do this for you too. Listen for our footsteps because we are all walking close beside you and Laurie, every step of the journey.
Sue - congratulations on your happy news.
Julie - I love that Gaelic prayer and say it often to myself, especially when I feel alone and afraid.
Blessings and love to everyone

Sent by Tina from Alton IL | 3:13 PM ET | 06-12-2008

Hi Leroy,

As I'm reading all the comments today, I sense a community that wishes it could meet you and Laurie even though we already 'know' and love you both from your blog. In this world of blogs and emails, nothing still tops meeting someone in person to say hello and thank you from the bottom of our hearts - which I do!

Finding Peace after having been in a battle for so long is a (your favorite curse word) challenge. Let us be your scouts and help you as much as we can.

Brin

Sent by brin | 3:21 PM ET | 06-12-2008

"A blessing is a circle of light drawn around a person to protect, heal, and strengthen...When a blessing is invoked, a window opens in eternal time."
--John O'Donohue
To Bless the Space Between Us

Today, may a blessing be invoked for you, Leroy, and for all who love you.

Maureen
Arlington, VA

Sent by Maureen Doallas | 3:23 PM ET | 06-12-2008

Leroy,
You amaze and inspire me. Thank you.
Laurie....your remarks on Leroys blog yesterday spoke volumes. WOW. I am speechless.
God Bless.

Wendy

Sent by wendy | 3:33 PM ET | 06-12-2008

So many wonderful comments today. I have to agree with what Sigrid and Don said about nothing has changed since last week except that now you know what is going on..... and living in the now. I belong to a group where I had to deal with a problem that I had with projecting.... always worrying about what may be, could be, might be. So many times I put myself through unncessary worry, frustration and grief over things that never came about. I really had to look at that and accept that the only thing that had made me miserable was "myself"... nothing had changed; I was just projecting a change. This has definitely helped me to live in the now. I also use St. Francis' prayer about changing what I can and accepting what I cannot change, and it helps a lot.

As to "good-byes" I agree with what so many have said.... tell the people you care about what they have meant to you and how you feel about them. If you break down emotionally, all the better; it is in these moments of total openess that we truly communicate our caring and allow others to do the same. These are very special moments to be treasured, now and later.

I have the feeling Leroy, that once you have gotten past the initial shock of this terrible news, you will begin to get some peace through acceptance. Remember, acceptance does not mean submission. It is recognizing the reality of a situation and deciding what you will do about it or how you will handle it.

With our daughter, this time was very precious to all of us. There was no feeling of doom hanging over us. We still looked for alternative solutions but she had a total acceptance of the fact that her life very likely was coming to an end. She said that she had no fear of death... that she knew where she was going and welcomed it... her only fear was that she would be in pain and she also worried abouot how "WE" would be after she left us. She was surrounded by those she loved, she was kept comfortable with a minimum of pain, and she was at peace.

I pray that God grants you wisdom for making the decisions you feel need to be made, courage for facing what fears you have, strength to carryout your wishes and, may love surround you every day and may you have peace of mind!!

Thank you Leroy... for being such a special part of each of our lives.

Sent by betty obst | 3:42 PM ET | 06-12-2008

Thank you, Leroy.

Here's a quote i've been hanging on lately, from the Sufi poet Hafiz: The sun never says to the earth, 'You owe me.' Look what happens with a love like that. It lights up the whole sky.

Sent by matty | 3:43 PM ET | 06-12-2008

So many days I mean to post a message to you and thank you for how you speak for all of us. What you feel on so many days rings so true for me and I always wish I could put it into words like you do.

I pray for you everyday and now will pray for your strength and peace. I was recently given the book that Maureen mentions in the post listed just before I wrote this and it has some beautiful messages in it that have brought peace to me.

With best wishes,

Andi Daschbach

Sent by Andi Daschbach | 3:51 PM ET | 06-12-2008

My parents have both passed and they went the extra mile and did what they could to 'not leave a mess'.

That's what I am gearing for, to 'not leave a mess' for others. I've gotten married to my long-term girlfriend, started doing long-delayed projects, throwing away stuff that no one needs/wants, and so on.

The legal stuff is important, too.

I don't want to die, but it seems as I have little choice in the matter. I don't want to moan and groan about it so my wife isn't more upset about it than she is.

One day, they will cure cancer. Until then, people like you and me will face an untimely passing from a sweet life, with friends and family we love. It is indeed tragic.

But we have little choice in the matter.

I do wish you peace and solace in the coming months.

Sent by Scott S. | 3:59 PM ET | 06-12-2008

I used to get your daily post about what would be covered on 'Nightline' on that particular evening. I always found your 'take' on the subjects to be covered/presented to be thoughtful and compassionate and somehow 'grounded,' in this busy and crazy world we live in.

I then read your note about your original colon cancer diagnosis with sadness, but thought that you would 'beat' it...and so you did for four or more years, and then I learned that you were on NPR and had a daily blog. I have since read it every day.

Although I am not immediately affected by cancer, one never knows what the future holds, and I am certainly connected to others who are. I have learned sooo much from you and feel priviledged that you have shared yourself with all of us. I feel as though I have been on the 'inside' of this honorable extraordinary ordinary all pervasive and painful experience, as have we all.

Therefore, I am deeply affected by your latest news of an 'explosion' of cancer, putting your affairs in order, etc. I feel many things, sadness for all the difficulty you have been through, massive admiration for your matter of fact bravery and honesty, sadness and admiration for those around you who love you, anger that this disease exists in the first place, etc.

At any rate, add me to the list of others who are 'following' you closely, sending you prayers and thoughts and whatever else is transmittable across the air waves.

Jane Rooney
Chicago, IL

Sent by Jane Rooney | 4:01 PM ET | 06-12-2008

Dear Leroy,

I have tried to write several times, but don't know what to say. Nothing anyone says will make this situation better. I wish you peace and comfort.

Sent by S. King | 4:04 PM ET | 06-12-2008

Leroy

I'm with Dave...your words bring me peace. And in return, I pray for peace and healing as the journey continues. with love

Sent by Tess from KY | 4:04 PM ET | 06-12-2008

I'm keeping you in my thoughts...
Prayers and peace always..

Sent by Julie | 4:13 PM ET | 06-12-2008

Hang in there, Leroy. You are not and never will be alone.

(I'm a fellow traveler on this road we are on ... long time ... what's next ????)

Sent by Kathy Knight | 4:17 PM ET | 06-12-2008

Dear Leroy,
I want you to "stay in the moment" That's a difficult thing to do, with all your worries. Don't look too far ahead, think positive thoughts. Stay in today, and stay away from anything negative.

Page - Gresham Oregon

Sent by Page hendryx | 4:39 PM ET | 06-12-2008

Hi Leroy,
I am with you. I pray for you to have strength.

Sent by Marcy in NJ | 4:40 PM ET | 06-12-2008

Leroy,
Thank you for the courage to allow us into your personal life like you have. My father died of cancer 5 years ago. He was diagnosed in June and died in August. I miss him terribly but the weeks we had may have been the best of our already strong relationship. We were given something most people don't get - time. He had time to see old friends and most of his family. We knew what was coming and decided to make the best of it. (We even managed to get his dog into the hospital!)
Be angry at the disease and what it is doing to you but thank God for the chance to say Good Bye.

Sent by Tim in Severna Park,MD. | 4:57 PM ET | 06-12-2008

My husband had been struggling with liver cancer for two years - he died three weeks ago. No matter how prepared, how many things we thought were taken care of, there is no comparison for the final event. There are thousands of details that now I must traverse alone. I am grateful the last 10 days were spent concentrating on his journey! Leroy, you and your wife have been an inspiration to us during our journey. I will pray for you!

Sent by Barbara Gobrail | 5:08 PM ET | 06-12-2008

I have found that sometimes nature brings a little peace. Last night when I was taking the trash to the curve I looked up into the clear night sky and it was beautiful. I found the big dipper and there was something oddly comforting to see something that has been around well before me and will be around long after me.

Sent by Beth S | 5:08 PM ET | 06-12-2008

I have no idea if this will help you Leroy and Lauri, but two years on from when my lovely husband Ronnie, died, these are some of the things I wish we'd done, from the heart...

I wish we'd written each other a'forever' Christmas card, I could put up every year.

I wish I knew how he'd like to be remembered to his grandchildren too small to remember him, but asking questions now about the man in the pictures.

I wish I'd taken many more photos of Ronnie in his final weeks, during the 'good' moments.

I wish I knew how he'd like the garden to look

I wish we'd takend pictures of us both when the priest blessed our marriage in Ronnies hospital bed - we were both wrecks but still a picture of the day would have been nice.

I wish - and this is a hard one - I wish we'd taken a practical hour for the conversations that go..." and the keys for the windows are where? The password for whatever is what?? You know what I mean, the mundane stuff that drove me mad for months after losing Ronnie.

I wish I'd been stronger at telling loved ones, nicely, when it was time they went home because Ronnie and I needed to be alone. Laurie, be stronger than me, this is your's and Leroy's time first, share it with friends and family when you can, but remember you and Leroy have to come first.

I wish with all my heart, that when the time comes, Leroy has the peaceful passing that my beautiful Ronnie had. Love and prayers for you both, try to enjoy the time you do have together and DO things to make good memories.XXX

Sent by Lisa Burt | 5:21 PM ET | 06-12-2008

... and more hugs.

Sent by Tracy | 5:23 PM ET | 06-12-2008

Dear Leroy and Laurie,
You may never read this. Still I feel compelled.

First thing, daily, I've searched and read your blog. Many months. I'm in the non-cancer world (as far as I know). Thank you for helping me learn NOW what you've learned as a result of your illness.

Because of YOU I stopped and soaked up warm sunshine watching my 3yr old play in the sandbox. I've stopped and savored happy moments. Moments I would have otherwise been too busy to savor. Thank you for that. My life is less stressful and happier due to lessons I've learned thru you. My children's lives are happier and less stressful too. We all thank you. May God bless you both always.

Just like Jimmy Stewart in 'Its a Wonderful Life', you have NO idea of the magnitude of good you've achieved. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Sent by Susan Baker | 5:40 PM ET | 06-12-2008

Leroy,
I too, have followed you in your blog for a long time now, and your latest news has devestated me.I have walked this path before with my husband. God will give you guinddance,strength, and peace. Peace be with you.

Sent by Deb | 6:12 PM ET | 06-12-2008

You can truly tell when you have made an impact on someone's life; in your case Leroy; each blog submission brings me closer to understanding how precious life is and how most wonderful are the friends that God has given us along our journey. You are amazing and what you are able to share with us is so valuable; I would not trade it for anything. It may seem that we are here for you, we are of course, I just have to note that you are really here for us...You are teaching me so much about life and living and loving. As far as trying to "spend a little time finding the peace I need so badly these days", I just wanted to tell you that peace, shalom as the Hebrew say;is a gift from God...hand holding, kissing and the warmth of intimacy is to a love relationship as peace is from having a relationship with God... praying that you will have all the peace, strength and hope that you need in these hours. You are constantly in my prayers. You have a great attitude. Don't let anyone or anything take it from you...keep blogging my friend; it is therapy for all of us...Thank you my cyber friend...Lots of love,prayers and hugs to you and Laurie and your famiy.

Sent by Denise from Ohio | 6:36 PM ET | 06-12-2008

Good evening Leroy, wonderful post. Thank you. I wonder sometimes if we really do help you with our comments. I feel so helpless at times...especially...since your the one that is going through such difficulty and YOU always help me!! with your upfront practical and lately, poetic way of looking at things. so thanks for saying: "writing the blog,and sharing with all of you, helps tremendously". Selfishly, I guess,I do want to know we help. I do feel
you are "talking" right to me. I feel this because of the way you share: it is so sweet, lovely and intimate. It's hard not to fall in love with you and Laurie...which I have. Your way of dealing with things,dealing with the battle, the beast, with the most powerful weapon: love, is so powerful.

I would not hesitate saying my goodbye's now. Intuition should rule - no matter how much time is left - now making sure you are straight with those you love and others who you have had difficulty with in the past..making sure where possible everything is ok. I remember so vividly, still, when in 1991 my adopted mom, Florence, knew she was close to the end, she suddenly spent hours on the phone calling all her old and current friends letting them know she didn't have much time left and she wanted to make sure everything was "OK" between her and each of her friends/loved ones. she especially hunted down those that she had made ammends to for some reason over the years to make sure things were "OK" and that there were no lingering resentments. And if there were she wanted to air it our appropriately and clean up her side of the street one last time. This went on for two weeks! Every day I came by she was still at it on the phone. I'd sit down in the living room after kissing her on the cheek and just listen to her in her bedroom talking. It brought tears to MY eyes just listening. Her husband, Harry, my adopted dad and I just sat there in peaceful contemplation. Two days after she was done she just suddenly died. But she was at peace. Love was everywhere around her those last days. We had the best times together during all of those last 16 days as she related the stories of her phone conversations.

May you find the peace during these days you so badly need and the inner guidance you need to do what needs doing.

Love, Graham from Sag Harbor.

Sent by Graham G. Hawks | 7:00 PM ET | 06-12-2008

Leroy,
when Leon was where you are right now, I found something that helped me get through it--I discovered your blog. Like April, I printed out the past blogs and put in a binder. I would be first in line to order a book!! I have checked on you and Laurie every day for the past two years. I still wish for peace at times. I believe that Leon found it. May you find some peace, Leroy.
On a better note, best wishes, Sue Chap. May you have a long and happy marriage ahead of you.
Peace to all..
Jane

Sent by Jane in AR | 7:05 PM ET | 06-12-2008

Dear Leroy and Laurie, and blog community,

My heart's been so full of you this week. No words of wisdom, only tremendous gratitude, solidarity, and presence at this juncture in your ever-unfolding life. Do whatever will give you peace, and know that taking time off the blog for your own precious life will not let anyone down. You are a gift in so many lives. Wishing you growing peace and strength as you hold these discussions with your loved ones. You are a treasure.

Sent by Sarah | 7:25 PM ET | 06-12-2008

Someone suggested poetry by Mary Oliver. One of my favorites by her ends with the following lines. I'm sending it for all of us. Blessings to you, Leroy

. . .To live in this world
you must be able
to do these things:
to love what is mortal;
to hold it
against your bones knowing
your own life depends on it;
and, when the time comes
to let it go,
to let it go.
(In Blackwater Woods by Mary Oliver)

Sent by Carolyn in Seattle | 7:48 PM ET | 06-12-2008

Dear Leroy--
I have been reading your reflections for about half a year. I so admire how you have openly shared your journey with any who would listen. I have learned much from you about LIVING WITH CANCER, a reality that I did not grasp until a close friend lived her own battle for over two years with metastatic breast cancer. You have both taught me more about the wonders of life than you will ever know. I believe that we are all on a life journey toward God, and like St. Augustine, I believe that our hearts are restless until we rest in God. I pray that you will find the peace you seek as you continue your life's journey. May I leave you with the reflection of a good friend: "Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, champagne in one hand, strawberries in the other, body totally worn out, and screaming: 'Woo-Hoo...What a Ride!" In peace and prayers!

Sent by Diane Williams | 8:00 PM ET | 06-12-2008

Dear Leroy,
I ,too, have reached this point in my life and found Hope Hospice extremly helpful and careing,,,full of concern and love .Good luck in your decision. I will say once I made "the" decision...my life seemed to be so much better,so much calmer, and just let them HELP !! All my regards and care !!! xoxo dee

Sent by dee | 8:21 PM ET | 06-12-2008

Lisa Burt:

There are SO many things I wish could have been different in our lives, as well. But I have the comfort that, the very day Terry was taken by ambulance to hospice and sedated to await death (which came 8 days later), I got to say what I felt and what needed to be said. And Terry was lucid and understood. We had a good life together, I just wish it could have been longer.

I had a list left for me of where the keys were, and what the passwords were, so that part was relatively easy. I found out later that Terry had e-mailed all of our friends and asked them to look after me. Despite our troubles (and there were many), I was still being looked after. I miss that a great deal.

And re: hospice, I got no feeling of peace or peaceful ending, but the nurses and staff there could not have been better or more caring. As a medical professional (one of the "guys in the basement"), I was encouraged to help out with Terry's hospice care and offer my opinion on the therapy (sedation) used. I'm grateful they listened to me and didn't just humor me.

Sent by Bruce | 8:51 PM ET | 06-12-2008

Reading your story on NPR left me feeling heavyhearted. I cannot imagine what kind of emotional roller coaster you must be experiencing. Back about 11 years ago I had a best friend who was diagnose with cancer. At the time we both were 24 years old and had a lot of unfinished business in the world and between us. He told me that he was terminal and did not have long to live. I was lost and angry with him. I did get to spend the last couple weeks of his life with him in the hospital. I kept him high on marijuana and he kept us all laughing.

Many years have past since I lost John to cancer. I have had a real hard time dealing with all of the ends that we did not tie up before his passing. No matter how many mock letters I write or how many tears I shed I cannot get rid of the guilt and regret of not connecting with him and brining closure to the table.

I have no doubt that he in a much better place that I am in terms of letting ourselves off the hook when it comes to our humanly mistakes.

I hope you take this opportunity to look past what the doctors predict because they cannot gauge your strength and courage to survive. Live your life to the fullest. Make sure you let the people you love know it and play as hard as you can sir no matter if you have one day to live or 100 years.

Live Strong, Love passionately and fight hard. I will send you some good juju sir.

Good luck.

Sent by Byrd McClung | 9:30 PM ET | 06-12-2008

Leroy,
Peace is truly all you need.

Peace in knowing you've done what you were supposed to do. Peace in knowing you controlled the beast. You're a wrangler of sorts. You wrangled your cancer, you wrangled your doctors to work for you and you've wrangled us into a place of "stand your ground and fight."

As you've heard so many times on this blog and I'm sure in your private life as well, you are a gift to this world. No, I didn't say God's gift to women! I said, God's gift to the world. That's sooooo much bigger!!
My love and peace are with you and your loved ones daily.
Kathy Bero, Wisconsin

I pray you will find your peace in your strength.

Sent by kathy Bero | 9:34 PM ET | 06-12-2008

Leroy,

My hope is for you to get the necessary, mundane "chores" out of the way so that you can focus on the process that is taking place in your life. Let your friends and family help you with that so you can take time for you - to find the peace that will comfort you. Thank you for all you have done and continue to do for so many. We all wrap our arms around you. Peace and comfort to you.

Sent by Carol | 9:46 PM ET | 06-12-2008

In Erik Erikson's book, Childhood and Society, he said (I paraphrase) that if the older generation has the courage to face death, the younger generation will have the courage to face life. You are a man of courage - I thank you.

Sent by Joan Schleicher | 9:48 PM ET | 06-12-2008

I am sorry to hear about your scans. I read your blog each day. I had breast cancer treatment 2 years ago. Ever since I discovered your blog you have given me such strength. I love the way you write! I don't know you, but I do pray for you. Stay strong.

Sent by Dino | 9:52 PM ET | 06-12-2008

Initially, they told me the survivor rate was 98% were dead by 2.3 yrs. And the 5 yr mark was yet to be obtained by anyone. So when I passed 2.3 yrs I started telling people I was living on God's time (as if I hadn't always). I am greatful for this extra time but I feel like I am running down like the enegizer bunny.
Since there no more magic in the bag I made the very tough desision to move to hospice. I can tell you I have never been so cared for in my life and this portion of God's time has been good. Because they had prepared me for a death which was to have happened 1 yr ago...I have had all the technical stuff completed. wills, trusts, burial services including the liturgy for my faith. After all that was done...everyone of my sibs & my parents have been out to visit...even friends & co-workers who would not ordinarily be given the chance have come out. My sister-in-kaw has even begun calling our home Cherjohn Spa. one family member says she feels such a sense of comfort here that it is like being on a retreat. So use your extra time to begin to accept and gain the serinity of whatever time we have left to spread love. I think that is best we can do.

Sent by Cherie Brown | 9:52 PM ET | 06-12-2008

I too have been reeding your blog. Peace be with you and Laurie I admire what she said we will continue with life and celebrate. God bless you both
and Thank you for sharing your life.

Sent by Marelly Young | 9:53 PM ET | 06-12-2008

So much good advice here, I think, but more than that, so many good thoughts that I hope are helpful.

Take good care of yourselves. Get up in the morning and have the best day you can, and know that so very many people are thinking of you and wishing you the best.

Sent by Linda | 10:55 PM ET | 06-12-2008

Dear Leroy
I have been away from your blog for awhile, I was devasted to read how far the cancer has grown. I am sorry for all the pain you have gone thorugh and that what may be ahead. There are no words to say how lost i feel, and we have never met. I hope you find peace, and I think you will. You are a brave soul and you brought all of us with you on this journey. You may go ahead of us, but no one gets out alive so I hope that someday we will meet. If I could I would give you a big hug. Peace Leroy, we all love you!

Sent by ellie | 12:01 AM ET | 06-13-2008

Dear Leroy,
Thank you for continuing to write. I love reading your blog and hearing your thoughts. You are such a kind soul to keep share with us during this difficult and painful time. You have made a difference in my life. You are so positive and calm and thoughtful in all that you do. I think you are doing the right thing talking to friends and family even if it doesn't feel like it's the right time. It's good to say the things that you need to. The benefit is that you can say even more if you have months and years ahead. Why wait until the end?
I am sending my love, prayers and positive energy your way. Hugs, Jennifer

Sent by Jen in CA | 12:58 AM ET | 06-13-2008

Hi Leroy, do you know how I remember you from the Good Old Days at CBS in LA? Grabbing a hot dog (okay, five chili dogs: one for me and two each for you and Hal) at Pink's.

For Laurie, it's a break we took on assignment at Disneyland. I can't remember the story, but I do remember Laurie expertly leading us to a stand that sold nice icy frozen chocolate covered bananas. "I know my Disneyland!" she confidently informed us.

Thanks for writing so well,
your friend,
AMY

Sent by Amy Marash | 1:28 AM ET | 06-13-2008

If I may, I echo Susan Baker's comments. Leroy and Laurie, Thank you!

Sent by Amy in NJ | 1:34 AM ET | 06-13-2008

Leroy, you are a mensch. You have done incredible good and will continue to do so. We've all been blessed by your strength and passion. And will continue to be.

Sent by miles | 1:55 AM ET | 06-13-2008

Thank you for touching us all.

Sent by Jamy Ryals | 3:44 AM ET | 06-13-2008

You have helped instill a sense of love and appreciation for life to all whom you touch. Thank you....for this and for everything else you have done for me and the rest of your blog community.

Sent by Carrie | 3:46 AM ET | 06-13-2008

Dear Leroy and Laurie,

Thank you so such for everything you have and are sharing with us. I keep you both in my thoughts and prayers every day. Please know you are not alone.

Sent by barbara | 6:32 AM ET | 06-13-2008

Leroy,

It's okay, be melodramatic. Why is there so much negativity attached to that? You have feelings, and you are feeling them. Keep on keeping on with this feeling stuff .... in whatever way you need. Sadness, negativity, you are entitled to feel and express those feelings too. Yes, this is a serious time, and some serious awarenesses are up front in your's and all of our consciousnesses ... thoughts, prayers, feelings. It's pretty evident that we are all very willing to stand by you, with you, (and Laurie), through this time, as well as whatever life continues to bring you. You are very much loved.

Heartlight is on strong,

Kim Blankenship

Sent by Kim Blankenship | 6:54 AM ET | 06-13-2008

Today your colleague Tim Russert died-suddenly and unexpectedly. He was probably like most of us who live with the illusion of time-making plans for a time that we do not own. He probably had no time for fare wells but I hope he did not leave important things unsaid to those who mattered most.You have been given that rare gift of time although it is not as much as you and Laurie would have wanted. As a former oncology nurse who has also worked in hospice, I know that there is never enough time-even if we lived to be a thousand.
As he prepared to leave Orphalese,Almustafa asked," How shall I go in peace and without sorrow? Nay, not without a wound in the spirit shall I leave this city." Before his going the people begged him to speak and he did. As his ship departed, Almitra recalled his words, "A little while, a moment of rest upon the wind and another woman shall bear me."

Sent by Syndi Holmes | 8:04 PM ET | 06-13-2008

Well sir, I am getting married on September 27th and would love nothing more than your well wishes on that day.

Sent by Jane from California | 12:46 AM ET | 06-14-2008

Leroy,
Make sure that you stick around to follow the election in November. I know that as a journalist, you'll want to be a part of that. Set it as another goal.

Sent by Donna Rubinetti in NJ | 9:52 AM ET | 06-14-2008

Leroy,
I am hoping that you find some peace to calm your mind to be able to face whatever you have to face day to day. The battle of cancer is hard one to fight and takes every ounce of energy.

I have found much peace and support reading your blogs over the last 6.5 months. My husband was diagnosed with Carcinoma with unknown primary with mets to his lungs and spine at that time and just was overcome by his cancer 2 weeks ago. He is at peace and pain free now.

Good luck to you in your fight!
Diane McGinnis
Ohio

Sent by Diane | 7:33 PM ET | 06-15-2008

Dear Leroy, I wish I could be consoling--but at least I can be responsive. I never think I'm going to have another birthday but, somehow, here I am again. I hate the idea of saying good-bye, mainly because of the pain my dying will inflict on those I love. That makes me weep. Would it be better to live life fully, unimpaired, as Tim Russert seemed to do, then die suddenly. Yes, I think I could go for that--but not the cards I was dealt. I hate dread; I applaud your focus on birthday cake. Salee

Sent by salee | 6:00 PM ET | 06-16-2008

Gee thanks Leroy - I look like hell when I cry! Only my older boys know that my cancer is terminal (I hate that word!) - the three younger boys just know I have canser. I am a coward and not yet able to tell 3 young men the truth. The steps we must take is simply not fair - YET it is denied to many. We both could get hit by a bus later on today Leroy! I guess saying goodbye is a blessing not everyone gets a chance to do. But it bites regardless.

Sent by carrie Belair | 1:03 PM ET | 06-17-2008