The Disease Has Exploded

We try to steel ourselves to be ready for bad news. We should be pretty good at it by now, because so much of the news in cancer world is bad. Still, when it comes, it can hit like a sledgehammer.

Last Friday was scan day for me. It was the first time we were going to look around in a while. We had been concentrating on my spine, sort of ignoring whatever else might be going on.

Well, the news wasn't good. And I wasn't prepared.

I have three new tumors in my brain. The cancer has fractured part of my pelvic bone, which would explain the pain I've felt for so long. New tumors in my liver, which had been clear up until now. Lungs, ribs, shoulder blade.

Basically the disease has exploded.

There are some things we can do. Some things we'll need to do. The pelvis and brain are probably at the top of the list. But there's nothing to be done about a lot of the disease.

The total burden of the cancer on my body is pretty heavy now. I have some serious decisions to make.

Overall, things don't look so good. But I've held off this disease for two- and-a-half years already.

I still have some fight left in me.

Comments

 

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Damnit Leroy!
I'm so sorry......
what can I say?
Cancer Sucks!

Sent by Jenn | 7:24 AM | 6-9-2008

Dear Leroy and Laurie,
Just checking in for Friday and today as I've been away from the computer. Tears in my eyes as I type this--it sucks! My heart goes out to both of you and as always we'll stand beside you in this crazy, virtual way.

Sent by betsey | 7:29 AM | 6-9-2008

Oh my poor LeRoy, What horrifying news for you, Laurie, your family, friends and loved ones.

What could I possibly say to this news except: We all love and support you.

Sent by Liz L. | 7:33 AM | 6-9-2008

Dearest Leroy,
I have not posted in a while, but I read your posts first thing every morning. I am bereft and angry. I have two friends fighting cancer right now, and I just marked and mourned the fifth anniversary of my mother's death from ovarian cancer. Basically no progress has been made in screening for and treatment of ovarian cancer since her diagnosis in 2001. Damn this disease.
With all my love and good karma heading your way,
M.A. Sullivan
Charlottesville, VA

Sent by M.A. Sullivan | 7:41 AM | 6-9-2008

So sad to hear this news! I don't have words, ideas, suggestions or thoughts to offer as to what you may consider to lessen the tumor burden. You know some of the options already because you've had them. So, I'll simply say that my prayers for you and Laurie will continue.

I will keep the tiny light of HOPE burning in my heart.

Sent by Al Cato | 7:43 AM | 6-9-2008

Leroy:
Whatever you do, wherever you go, we are always with you, in good times and bad. Namaste, my friend, Namaste.
Love, Don

Sent by don winslow | 7:47 AM | 6-9-2008

so sorry about the bad news . i love you even though i never met you. you are a true example of what strength and courage are like. may your journey in the next few months be guided by god and my prayers are with you. you represent so many wonderful things, i will never forget you and your wisdom. annette purdy

Sent by annette purdy | 7:48 AM | 6-9-2008

Oh Leroy, I am so sorry. I continue to hope that writing this blog and knowing that we are all here for you helps to cushion the blows from this sledgehammer that is cancer.

Sent by Gretchen Hoag | 7:52 AM | 6-9-2008

Leroy,
I'm so sorry! This has to stop I can't believe we can't find a cure for this monster. We send men to space. Please try and stay strong. You are a wonderful human being and have helped many people. I pray you can stay strong. My thoughts and prayers are with you and Laurie. I lost my husband last November he was only 46 years old. I miss him everyday. Please stay strong and keep faith.

Sent by Aurella | 7:56 AM | 6-9-2008

Dear Leroy,

I am so saddened to hear the results of the scans. I am sorry for Laurie as well. I cannot express my feelings any better at this time. My prayers to you and Laurie at this time of overwhelming news.

Sent by Sue Chap | 8:00 AM | 6-9-2008

I am so sad to learn the news. I think of you every day. I thank you for teaching me so much about cancer and more importantly your strength. My father had cancer 15 years ago. I've learned so much more from you.

Sent by Ann Vodacek | 8:09 AM | 6-9-2008

I have no words, only love and hope.

Sent by Kathleen | 8:10 AM | 6-9-2008

I am so sad to hear this news. My thoughts, wishes and prayers go out to you, Laurie and your family. The husband of a good friend has been recently diagnoses with multiple myeloma and they have their first visit to the cancer center today.

Whatever your decisions, you have a world of support out here. God bless and take care.

Sent by Carolyn | 8:11 AM | 6-9-2008

Hard to respond to this Leroy. Just know that someone in Rochester, NY is thinking of you today.

Sent by Sue in Rochester | 8:12 AM | 6-9-2008

Oh Leroy, you're in my thoughts and prayers during this very difficult time. The news came as a sledgehammer to us all as well. I hope you feel the love and hope we all feel for you.

Sent by Amy in NJ | 8:12 AM | 6-9-2008

This is a time when I can think of nothing to say except I'm so sorry. So, so sorry.

Sent by Susan | 8:15 AM | 6-9-2008

Dear Leroy and Laurie,
I am so very sorry to hear this news. Having lost a sister to colon cancer, and a father to lung cancer (within the last three years), I truly empathize and understand how devastating this news is, and how difficult it is to accept this. Indeed you have tough questions to ask yourself and decisions to make about how much more you want to put your body through. Acceptance of what is, is very hard. But acceptance of what you cannot change also shows courage. I will pray for you to have strength, and above all, no pain. I will also pray for Laurie. Know that you have an entire "family" out here who care about you. Godspeed.

Sent by Donna R. in NJ | 8:18 AM | 6-9-2008

What terrible news...my prayers are with you and Laurie...I hate this disease with all of my being...May God be with you and those dear to you.

Sent by Tim Broussard | 8:21 AM | 6-9-2008

Ah Leroy.... my heart aches for you and Laurie. What sad news.

We lost our daughter to lung cancer this year and our brother (BIL) as well. Two other family members are currently in remission and one is still under treatment. Several friends as well. This disease is a B*tch!!

The only thing I can share with you is that when the disease overtook our daughter, she was released to home care under Hospice. I only wish we had accepted their help while she was still well and fighting this monster. They are amazing. There are so many resources there for help, comfort and support for both the patient AND the family...especially the caregiver. At the end, my daughter chose to go ino a Hospice facility. It was so beautiful and peaceful and we all benefited from her decision.

My daughter was very explicit of what she wanted done when she passed away. She planned her service, from the photos we would use, the music and poems, where it would be .... even up to requesting that 99 red balloons be released at her "celebration of Life" service. We had a lovely service sponsored by her local church just after she passed. We are now planning the service that she requested up "home" with all her relatives and friends. It gives me great peace knowing that we are doing exactly what she wanted... even down to the pesky balloons!!

Whatever your decisions, know that we are with you and good wishes and prayers support you both along this journey!!

Sent by Betty Obst | 8:25 AM | 6-9-2008

Dearest Leroy and Laurie, whatever you choose to do in response to this terrible news, wrap yourself in the warmth of our love and support. If our wishes could change the course of your disease, you'd have been NED long ago....

Sent by Brenda | 8:27 AM | 6-9-2008

Sending you deep affection, Leroy, and gratitude for your willingness to share with all of us.

Sent by Dorothy | 8:28 AM | 6-9-2008

Hi Leroy,
I am saddened by the report today. I really don't know what to say to you. The news is not what you want to hear, but it still is news about you Leroy. That is the important thing.
I'll be thinking of you all day long, and that is praying.
I just don't know what to say...

Sent by Donato Salazar | 8:28 AM | 6-9-2008

Leroy, I am so sorry. You will feel better when you have a plan.

I'm glad you still have some fight left in you. I believe that you always will.

Sent by Marilyn | 8:30 AM | 6-9-2008

Dear Leroy - My heartfelt thoughts and prayers are also with you as is my understanding as I am at a similar place on my road with the cancer. It's done pussyfooting around and has taken up residence in too many places. But like you, I still have some fight left.

Peace and strength to you and yours my friend!

Sent by Vicky (NY) | 8:34 AM | 6-9-2008

Dear Leroy,

My prayers and thoughts go out to you and Laurie. Every morning I start my day reading your blog as well. Most of us have never had the pleasure of meeting you but we all love you and hope that during this time our love and prayers will give you some comfort,

Lianne

Sent by Lianne Friedman | 8:40 AM | 6-9-2008

Dearest Leroy~ Your news is devastating and I cannot imagine what you must be going through or what you still will go through. Yes, you have serious decisions ahead of you. Yet, it is truly out of your hands isn't it? Can your doctor's explain why it has spread so quickly? You are a true Pioneer but how much can you possible stand? For what it's worth, we are with you in this journey and have come to love care about you very much!

Sent by J C R | 8:41 AM | 6-9-2008

How can anyone be prepared for the shock of such news? It's like a horror movie where you think the menace is outside but it turns out it's in the house, in the basement, in the attic, in the closets ... I wish it were otherwise. As always, I wish you wellness, Leroy and Laurie, through the illness, the anxiety, the fear, the grief. Namaste.

Sent by M Wms | 8:43 AM | 6-9-2008

So sorry to read this today...best of luck to you & your family, and it seems like you already know how to tap into your deep pool of inner strength...here's hoping you can find a lot more for the fight ahead.
God bless you!!!

Sent by Mike Armstrong | 8:43 AM | 6-9-2008

Leroy, we are all there with you. I hope you feel our genuine love and concern. I wish there was something concrete we could do.

Should we start to set up a Leroy Sievers Foundation, to raise money for research? What do you think? Many living individuals start foundations in their own names.

I, too, encourage you to at least have another conversation with hospice. Don't suffer needlessly. You deserve peace and some relief from pain. And they will give Laurie enormous support.

In my thoughts, every day.

Sent by Wendy | 8:49 AM | 6-9-2008

Dear Leroy & Laurie,

We share your sadness with this news. May you find comfort in each other and in the support of so many who have come to appreciate who you are.

Sent by Kathlelen | 8:49 AM | 6-9-2008

Hi Leroy,

Although your post today was not good news, you ended on a positive note. I am so glad you still have some fight left in you. Thinking of you and hoping that some answers come your way.

Sent by Carol | 8:51 AM | 6-9-2008

Leroy,

I've never commented before, but I'm a regular reader. Your determination and thoughtfulness have always moved me. I'm stunned and saddened to read today's entry. Many good thoughts coming your way.

Sent by Katherine | 8:55 AM | 6-9-2008

Dear Leroy, I have been reading your blog for a long time and have never commented, but I feel the need to now. Please know your blog readers are all here to support you. My prayers are with you at this time. Never give up!

Sent by N.S. | 8:58 AM | 6-9-2008

No clear eyes this morning. Keep fighting the good fight. My love and prayers to you both.

No one ever deserves the suffering that is cancer.

Sent by Irene | 9:00 AM | 6-9-2008

Dear Leroy and Laurie,
So very sorry to hear the news. We are in the same situation here. The cancer is exploding and taking a horrendous toll. I guess there comes a time to lay back, breathe deeply and surrender to whatever happens. That's what we're trying so hard to do here. I empathize with you both. No one should have to suffer so. Love and prayers,
Elaine.

Sent by Elaine | 9:01 AM | 6-9-2008

Oh Leroy. How can it be...
I don't know what to say except I am sorry. And that I hate cancer.
We need to stop concentrating on spending money on outerspace and nonsense studies and concentrate on this f@#*& disease. Enough already!

Please concentrate on yourself and Laurie at this time and do not concern yourself with us.We will be thinking of and praying for you.

God bless you Leroy.

Judy

Sent by Judy Voller | 9:03 AM | 6-9-2008

Dear Leroy, words can't express what I want to say. Thank you for being brave enough, strong enough to say the things we never get to hear.
Peace and healing, however you may find it.
Susan

Sent by Susan | 9:04 AM | 6-9-2008

Leroy and Laurie,
I am so sorry about the news. I feel like you both have become a part of my family and as such you both mean a lot to me. I don't have any words of wisdom except to say I am sorry and both of you are in my thoughts and prayers. We are all in this together. God Bless.

Sent by kathie | 9:04 AM | 6-9-2008

leroy i am so sorry for your news this is terribble. i hope that maybe chemo or something can smack this back down. don`t give up.

Sent by kim parris | 9:04 AM | 6-9-2008

Leroy, I just don't know how you face this. There's no choice, of course, but still, you and Laurie must be devastated. My heart goes out to you both.

Sent by Marcia | 9:05 AM | 6-9-2008

Peace be with you.

Sent by Linda | 9:08 AM | 6-9-2008

I hate this disease for what it does to us and what it does to our families. All we can do is fight on!

Sent by Dave Jenkins | 9:08 AM | 6-9-2008

Leroy,
I have been following your blog for years but never posted before. As a physician, your blog has helped me immensely to help my patients cope and manage their cancer.
A few months ago, 6 months after giving birth to my first child, I was diagnosed with cancer! A sledgehammer indeed! Having gone through the roller coaster of tests, surgery, treatments, more tests and the psychological trauma of cancer - I could not follow your blog anymore - it was too painful, too real. I was struggling with coping with the idea that I may not see my beautiful son go to kindergarden (much less get married) and the emotional struggle was too much to bear. I have just returned to your blog to find out you are dealing with this terrible news. Your strength and courage is remarkable and uplifting even during these terrible times. I just wanted you to know that you have impacted more people than you will ever know and god bless you.

Sent by Grateful MD | 9:09 AM | 6-9-2008

Leroy,
I have been checking your updates for a while but have never posted. I want you to know how many people are thinking of you and your family. The number is far greater than what you can fathom I'm sure. Ig's "game on" because you have some great cheerleaders.

Sent by Leslie | 9:09 AM | 6-9-2008

Leroy so sorry!! I too have no words other than Cancer sucks...But don't give in just keep fighting. Easier said than done I know. I am a stage IV.

Sent by karen | 9:11 AM | 6-9-2008

dearest leroy,

cannoot read the comments of everyone else; cannot see and hear the tears and hurt of everyone else who loves you as we all have learned to do. you certainly know how to put oil prices and food prices into perspective. of course, prayers and love and hope and everything go out to you always and to laurie also.

much love and prayers

janice goldberg white

Sent by janice goldberg white | 9:11 AM | 6-9-2008

Leroy - If feelings of sadness could take your cancer away, I know that the collective sadness all of who read your blog feel upon learning your news would cure you in an instant.

Sent by Art Ritter | 9:11 AM | 6-9-2008

Oh dear Lord,

I am so sorry. I will pray for strength for you and Laurie and wisdom and cutting edge research for your doctors.

Remember Leroy, all you have to do is ask. Leroy's Army stands ready to support you in anyway you would like us to. (need dinner, a ride, your lawn mowed, your congressperson lobbied, just let us know.)

Sent by Robin L., Fairfax VA | 9:14 AM | 6-9-2008

Oh Leroy,
Sledgehammer is right. This is an enormous blow, and to you and Laurie, our hearts and spirits go out to you. You are always in our prayers, and but how much help that can be right now? I don't know..... I just know we are all so sad and so sorry .... and words are impossible at times like this, but also we only have words to convey across the cyber-wires that we care. We do care a lot. Holding you both gently in love.

Heartlight,

Virgie, Gracie, & Kim

Sent by Virgie, Gracie, & Kim (and all our family) | 9:15 AM | 6-9-2008

Dear Leroy,

I read your postings every morning. I have since I found your blog when my wife was diagnosed with breast cancer. You have become a part of my regular routine. I was not prepared for your news this morning. It makes me feel sad. Sad for you, and sad for all the people who have come to know and love you through the reading of your blog. My thoughts and prayers are with you this morning.

Sent by Jeff | 9:15 AM | 6-9-2008

Dear Leroy and Laurie

I'm so very sorry about this news. Cancer really does suck. My thoughts and prayers are with you in this very difficult time. I don't know what else to say.

Sent by Judy Fuller in N.Va. | 9:18 AM | 6-9-2008

I am so sorry, Leroy. It is shocking news. I pray you will find a cure for the pain and also peace of mind and spirit. You have a lot of folks who really care about you and I hope that brings you some relief.

Sent by Ann | 9:19 AM | 6-9-2008

Leroy,
You are right - it is decision time. You have reach the point where for those of us with cancer will most likely arrive as well. I will pray for you.
As always - a journey together. Carolyn

Sent by Carolyn Mohaupt | 9:20 AM | 6-9-2008

I am so very sorry Leroy. I wish there was something I could do for you or something I could say to make you feel better. I really don't see how you stay postive. You are truly a remarkable person; you are my hero.

Sent by Judy | 9:20 AM | 6-9-2008

Dear Leroy and Laurie,

I'm so sorry. Thank you for all you've done for us.

Sent by Betty | 9:21 AM | 6-9-2008

Dear Leroy - Someone in Indiana loves you too, and is praying for you and Laurie. Words of comfort? It's weird - I feel like I need comfort too! I ache for you. So Leroy - take charge of as much as you can. Control what you can. And keep writing.

Sent by Kelly in Columbia City | 9:21 AM | 6-9-2008

What devastating news to find this morning. So many of us fear that we will soon be the recipient of the same news one day in the future. Your fight reaction is a beacon for us.

You have a beautiful soul and we all want to walk beside you with each step you take. There are multitudes of footprints in the sand wanting to support you. I hope the love and prayers expressed here are a balm for you and your family.

Sent by Sara (MD) | 9:22 AM | 6-9-2008

I join with the others who have posted: no suggestions, certainly no words of wisdom, just wanting you to know we care. It's impossible not to feel what the impact of this news must be for you and yours. It's terrible and I am sorry. Barbara K

Sent by Barbara K | 9:23 AM | 6-9-2008

What can I say? You know all our thoughts, hopes, and prayers are with you and Laurie. My brother-in-law has just been diagnosed with lung cancer and my first thought was to tell him about you, your neverending fight to conquer this terrible disease, and your wonderful willingneess to share your fight with the world. You are loved by more than you know.

Sent by Jana | 9:27 AM | 6-9-2008

Dearest Leroy...such sad, sad news. All of us here are holding you and Laurie close in our hearts. And, yes, I do believe you still have fight in you--I think of you in Naomi Shihab Nye's poem, "Making a Fist".

"How do you know if you are going to die?"
I begged my mother.
We had been traveling for days.
With strange confidence she answered,
"When you can no longer make a fist."

Sent by Rebecca | 9:28 AM | 6-9-2008

Our hearts hurt as we read your latest test results. Just know you have lots of unmet friends who send you hugs, smiles and emotional and spiritual support.
If a shared burden or sorrow are lessened by the sharing, then know that there are many who are supporting you.

Sent by Leslie | 9:28 AM | 6-9-2008

I'm so very sorry. My stomach is churning. I'll be thinking of you and your close friends and family today. Focus on love Leroy - cancer can't touch that ever. The love you create is never undone.

Sent by Nichole in FL | 9:28 AM | 6-9-2008

I'm sorry that that the cancer is back with such vengence. Listen to the doctors and your internal self and continue the fight. I continue to check on you daily so hope this blog continues for many years to come.

Sent by Jenny G. | 9:30 AM | 6-9-2008

I lost my dad 3 years ago and my mom 7 months ago both were 58. My Mom was diagnosed in June of 06 right around the time you started your blog. They gave her 2-4 months and she made it 17 months. your Blog IS the first thing I read every morning on my computer. Rely on the strength of those closest to you now. You have been the strong one for all of them and yourself. Allow the ones closest to you to carry you the rest of the way home. Share this time most as these coming days are the ones that are remembered most by the ones who love you the most. My prayers are with you.

Sent by Paul Ciszewski | 9:32 AM | 6-9-2008

Oh Leroy, I'm so sorry. It has been extraordinary to watch/read you go through your journey here, and you are an amazing, strong, inspiring person. And damn right you have fight left. One step at a time. My thoughts and prayers are with you, Laurie, your family, and friends.

Sent by Lisa | 9:34 AM | 6-9-2008

Dear Larry,

I always check your blog first thing in the morning - when I saw the word "sledgehammer" I had to turn away.

I gathered my thoughts and then came back to read your news. I am so very sorry - if you could only imagine the many individuals and families you have helped by sharing your struggle. I hope it helps you and Laurie now to know that we are all sending our best wishes and prayers your way.

I work for VITAS Hospice, and while writing this blog one of my best office volunteers called to say she cannot come in for awhile - she has been diagnosed with breast cancer. So today this diagnosis rocks another's world.

Such a heartache for all.....no more words, just a prayer for you and a prayer for her.

Sent by Linn Woodard | 9:38 AM | 6-9-2008

Leroy, you can know that this kind of news is coming, but none of us is ever prepared for this news.

Make one decision at a time, take one breath at a time, and know that all of us are thinking strong thoughts for you and Laurie.

Sent by Pat | 9:39 AM | 6-9-2008

Dear Leroy and Laurie,
I have been caregiver for my husband for almost two and a half years. We have come to face the facts. It's in Gods hands. The doctor's said there is nothing else they can do for him except make him comfortable. I must say, though, that we all gave it one hell of a fight and it's not over yet!

As always prayers to all the bloggers. May God watch over us and our families.

Sent by sasha321 | 9:39 AM | 6-9-2008

i haven't written before but i read your blog every morning and feel like i know you and laurie. i'm so sorry to hear your news. keep the faith and know that many people care about you both. sending loving thoughts your way...

Sent by brenda | 9:39 AM | 6-9-2008

I am so sorry for this latest news. Keep fighting. We all care for you so very much.

Sent by Sandra | 9:41 AM | 6-9-2008

There is a saying in Ireland, "you can always find a bit more blood left in the stone". This came to mind when I read you were willing to fight on.
My heart is heavy for you today, but I'm buoyed to hear you feel some fight left in you. There is fight left in me too, and as the saying goes in my house (feel free to use this one as your own, it's quite empowering) "Cancer can kiss my Royal Irish Ass!" When it comes to fighting, we Irish have a pretty good handle on it. Fight on Leroy, I've got your back.

Sent by Debra in New Hampshire | 9:41 AM | 6-9-2008

Leroy,
I hope you can find some comfort in the love and support from your family and friends, and in the great regard in which your blog readers hold you. 'Wishing you peace at this difficult time.

Sent by Diane | 9:43 AM | 6-9-2008

Oh no, It is more than an enemy...It's devasting to read this today. I just lost one of my best friends friday night. Liver, and lung cancer. He too put up the good fight. Skip lasted more than a year. I feel so deeply for you Leroy. Please continue your fight. We all need to fight our battle with cancer,so that more of us can win.I pray for you, and all of us.

Sent by Peter in Colorado | 9:43 AM | 6-9-2008

Leroy,
I am another devoted reader who never posts. But today, I have to join all the others to say how shocked and saddened I was to read your post this morning.I am wishing you and your family strength, comfort, and peace of mind as you make decisions in the coming days.
With appreciation for all you do for others,

Sent by Katie | 9:45 AM | 6-9-2008

To type when the wind has been sucked out of the lungs, the eyes are peering out through a ragged curtain of tears, and the brain is screaming NNNOOOOOO.... makes the words of little consequence. The desire to pack a room with those you've touched, fill the heavens with prayers and heathen pleading, to touch just one more heart with all that you have given these are desperate acts. But these feelings are full of love, and sadness, and enormous doses of admiration and gratitude none the less.

Take a deep breath, gaze into the faces that love you, lift your chin, and don't let what lies ahead rob you of what still exists in this day.

Sent by eaf | 9:47 AM | 6-9-2008

Oh Leroy....
I am so sorry...You are in my heart and prayers.
I'm not sure we were prepared for your results either. Even as much as we are aware of the disease we have within us ..I don't know if we are truly ever prepared for results such as you just received. Didn't we just have a blog on the element of HOPE? My HOPE for you now would be to find some moments of peace away from the mental wrestling with thoughts, decision making and fear. Your "fight" will help you to stay strong through all you have to think through.
You have, are and always will be "our" Leroy. A true spirit of strength and insight. We all have you to thank for this.
Peace, Prayers and Hugs to you and Laurie during this trying time.

Sent by Pam | 9:49 AM | 6-9-2008

Leroy,
I am so sorry you've received such bad news. I think the shock you feel is evidence of your remarkable positive, combative, take-no-prisoners, attitude. You are and continue to be an inspiration. Thank you for sharing the good, the bad, and the ugly, day in and day out. You have helped me become a stronger source of support and empathy for my loved ones who are fighting the good fight. You helped me be brave when I had my own scare a few months ago. Thank you.
During one of my personal all-time lows, a stranger approached me on a LA beach, hugged me, and said, "You are loved." You are loved, Leroy. You are loved.

Sent by Denise | 9:49 AM | 6-9-2008

Damn. I don't know what else to say. "I'm sorry" doesn't even come close.

Keep your chin up. Cancer sucks but you are one tough amigo. It's your fight but please know that we're behind you no matter what you decide to do.

Sent by K. Ives, Duluth, MN | 9:49 AM | 6-9-2008

Dear Leroy and Laurie,

I have been reading this blog for a while now and have commented on a few rare occasions. Well this one I could not let it pass by.

I am very sorry you got these news. What a blow.

I hope that all the good will and wishes from all your readers descend upon you as a shield. I hope it inundates you with love and serenity and that it gives you the strength and fortitude you need to keep on fighting and make the right decision for you.
And yes, big decisions are needed, but for right now, take a deep breath and go sun bathing.

Best of luck and best wishes,

Sent by David Abad | 9:50 AM | 6-9-2008

Jesus Christ... I'm so sorry.

Sent by Sarah | 9:50 AM | 6-9-2008

Dear Mr. Sieivers,
Each morning I turn to your words first thing. Today's words leave me feeling stunned, numb and sad. Please know I am sending you and Laurie and the others close in your life all the hope, strength and gratitude I can muster.

Sent by Tina | 9:50 AM | 6-9-2008

Leroy,

I am struck today by the number of comments from people who say they are long-time readers of this blog but are posting for the first time today. I am one of them.

I, like them, are moved to express my shock, disappointment and love. After my breast cancer diagnosis I searched the internet for support and hope. And you were it. You expressed my thoughts and feelings so well; you made me thnk about things that I had been avoiding. You really inspired me......if he can do all that then so can I. You have such a gift.

I am here now to wish you well in your even more difficult days ahead. I can't imagine how you must be feeling and yet I imagine it all the time. You inspire me to believe that I can face it all with dignity and humor. And what more can you ask for than that?

Fierce wishes for better days.

Sent by Linda in Texas | 9:50 AM | 6-9-2008

Well, you're sending me to the phone this morning to make an appointment to follow up on some unexplained pains I've been experiencing (and ignoring). There's simply no denying: this beast can strike any time.

Thanks for the update, Leroy. Keep us posted--we all care very, very much about you.

Peace
jj

Sent by Joan Jones | 9:52 AM | 6-9-2008

Over contemplation of progression's burdens might well exceed a reasonable person's coping skills. Simplifying events down into terms of what's wanted and what's needed can, at times, be empowering. Thanks for continuing to report back your experience so that those who follow, & those who might heal, can learn from it.

Hold Fast & in darkness, seek light.

Don MacLeod

Sent by Don MacLeod | 9:52 AM | 6-9-2008

THIS BLOWS! I'm not sure if I can say that, but it sure seems appropriate right now.
I'm sure I'll be crying before long, and I'll have to tell my co-workers that a good friend is dealing with another bout with cancer.

Sent by Lesa in Kansas | 9:52 AM | 6-9-2008

LeRoy,

Please know you are in everyone's prayers and although the words seem so trivial you have made an impact on all of our lives - for those of us who have had friends and family with cancer to those who have not yet met up with cancer - you have made such a difference in our lives! I am sending a hug through the email for both you and Laurie!

Sent by LJ | 9:53 AM | 6-9-2008

hopefully my sadness for all of us today will help ease your pain.

Sent by marianne dalton | 9:54 AM | 6-9-2008

Hi Leroy and Laurie,
I'm another new poster! I've been following your blog since my brother was diagnosed and has since died of Stage lV colon cancer. You have helped guide me- in my attempts to support him and his wife. Thank you, God Bless you and may the Lord lead you through each new decision. With sincere hope and love,

Sent by Brenda | 9:58 AM | 6-9-2008

Oh, Leroy, I am so, so sorry. I haven't posted before but have been reading the blog for a long time and marvel at your courage. Keep up the fight and we will keep up the prayers.

Sent by Susan-Tampa | 10:00 AM | 6-9-2008

I was hoping to read a positive update this morning. I'm so sorry for this most recent blow. Keep up the good fight! You've overpowered this cruel disease so far.

All my love,

Sent by Erica Harvill | 10:01 AM | 6-9-2008

The demon cancer has had to resort to an all out attack to try and bring you down; I hope the outpouring of love from all of us helps to bring your spirits up.

Peggy

Sent by Peggy | 10:02 AM | 6-9-2008

Very sorry to hear this. You are in my thoughts and prayers. get better please. You are fighting the good fight

John Shippee

Sent by John Shippee | 10:03 AM | 6-9-2008

Dear Leroy,

My aching heart goes out to you and Laurie.

Shosh

Sent by Shosh Westen | 10:03 AM | 6-9-2008

I'll add my voice to the others in terms of being so sorry about your news. We keep thinking they can't surprise us, but then that feeling in the pit of your stomach. You know we are all willing to walk with you on whatever journey is ahead. Peace,

Sent by Dona | 10:03 AM | 6-9-2008

Dear Leroy,
It can only be shocking to realize how this has exploded. To keep your focus on what you can do is impressive. As many others have said, you are in my thoughts. May you, Laurie and your doctors have the wisdom to make the best choices possible. Be comforted by all of us who are with you in spirit.

Sent by Linda | 10:04 AM | 6-9-2008

Like so many others, I read your blog every day. I rarely comment because I doubt my ability to say anything meaningful, comforting or wise. But I was very saddened to hear of your difficult news. There are so many people thinking of you as you face these tough decisions about how to proceed. I'm sure that the support of your family and friends as well as your own inner strength, sense of humor and determination will help you to find the right path. Thanks for sharing your journey with us.

Sent by Amy | 10:08 AM | 6-9-2008

Leroy and Laurie: Wishing all the best in love, joy, laughter in the time to come, even through the pain and sadness...Thank you for sharing...Wishing you plenty of strength for the next stage of the battle

Sent by Elaine | 10:09 AM | 6-9-2008

As all have mentioned, I am saddened to read your post this morning, and thankful you chose to share your news with your blog family here in cyberspace. This disease is miserable and takes so many of our loved ones from us. I'll share a quote I have posted here before by Albert J. Nimeth: "If we learn to cooperate with the inevitable, life can be a joy to the very end." Peace be with you and Laurie as you struggle with difficult decisions in the days ahead.

Sent by Karen | 10:09 AM | 6-9-2008

Dear Leroy and Laurie,
There are no adequate words for this situation. Indeed you have been hit with a sledgehammer. You have been through so much already. You will continue to be my prayers. Keep on hoping!
Charlotte in Rural Ridge, PA

Sent by Charlotte Kewish | 10:10 AM | 6-9-2008

Your story has become a part of my life, Leroy and Laurie. I even tell your story to others sometimes. Your triumphs, your valleys are all of ours now. We're down in this chasm with you, holding on.

Sent by carolyn briggs | 10:12 AM | 6-9-2008

I, too, am a silent daily reader. In fact, I've often felt that it wasn't my place to read this blog at all: I don't have cancer, nor does anyone in my family. But I've read your updates every day with hope for you and your family, and that hope does not fade today. I am confident that you will continue to foster courage and optimism in your life, even in the face of this news. My thoughts are with you through this struggle.

Sent by Kristi Wilson | 10:12 AM | 6-9-2008

Dear Leroy & Laurie-

We are so sad to hear this news. Meeting you in the waiting room on Friday reminded us that we are not alone in our cancer fight. Judging by everyone's positive thoughts and prayers, we trust that you know you are not alone either. We hope and pray that you find strength for what lies ahead. And we pray for Laurie as well, as it is heartbreaking to watch someone you love hurt and not be able to help. We know you'll keep fighting.
Best wishes

Sent by Meg | 10:14 AM | 6-9-2008

wow, how do we mere mortals respond to crappy news? We want to put ourselves in your shoes with all the love energy we feel for you and make it better.
caring for you, sarah

Sent by sarah | 10:21 AM | 6-9-2008

I keep wondering why you will not consider that death is something you should talk about. Why are you unwilling to do this? I totally do not understand.

Yes, I have had cancer.

Sent by judy | 10:25 AM | 6-9-2008

I'm so sorry but know that we will all keep walking your path with you.

Sent by glenda | 10:30 AM | 6-9-2008

Leroy,
I don't know what to say! I am sad, I am sorry, I am crying! I hate cancer, it hurts so many good people. Please just know that I am holding you in my heart today, as well as many, many others.
Peace to you.

Sent by Karen K. | 10:31 AM | 6-9-2008

Isn't this cancer thing like some horrible, sick slasher movie where the bad guy is stabbed, drowned, burned, shot, electrocuted, poisoned.....and still comes back roaring? You know, arms up over his head, taking those big stiff legged steps, screaming at the top of his lungs and coming at you because he just knows you're hiding in the closet?

What the heck?

All my thoughts and prayers are with you today. May you achieve a sense of peace and pain relief today.
Anita

Sent by Anita Apodaca | 10:32 AM | 6-9-2008

I very much like Rebecca's poem by Naomi Shihat Niges about "Making a Fist"
It says it all.

Sent by J C R | 10:33 AM | 6-9-2008

Hello Leroy,
I am so sorry you recieved such hard news!

My one suggestion would to be gentle with yourself

Karen

Sent by Karen | 10:34 AM | 6-9-2008

Leroy,
I am so sorry for this bad news. All I can say is that I am praying for you. I can't believe that even though I have never met you, I am crying and sad as if you are a family member. You are a very special person.

Sent by Stacy | 10:35 AM | 6-9-2008

Sending good thoughts of whatever you need your way, Leroy: peace, fight, rest, distraction, whatever, but mostly love.

Sent by Julie | 10:39 AM | 6-9-2008

Leroy and Laurie...
Along with the large group of other folks who've followed your journey with "The Beast" these past years, I
want you to know how very sad I am to learn your bad news today! Leroy,I so admire your courage and inner strength in the face of the roller coaster ride it has been, and hope that somehow peace will be yours as you make tough decisions. Thank you for walking us through your journey day by day...we've come to know you as a dear friend!

Sent by Retha | 10:39 AM | 6-9-2008

I'm stunned, and saddened, and so sorry for this news.

We're here. All of us.

Sent by Bruce | 10:43 AM | 6-9-2008

Dear Leroy
My mom and I read your blog together every weekday and it almost feels as if you're part of our family. I know that's silly but that's just how much you've given of yourself with your blog. You said you have some decision to make and that's an understatement. Whatever you decide, it is the absolutely correct decision. I think about all the "faceless" people who are, right now, in treatment at the two, quite large, cancer centers in our area with their own stories to tell. Thank you so very much for letting us travel this road with you and enabling us to "see" what an awful, cruel and tenacious disease cancer really is. I envision it as a huge, stupid-minded worm crawling around with its mouth wide open with no other purpose in its sorry life than to cause pain. It must be eradicated. I have to believe it will.....and yesterday is not soon enough. You're in our thoughts and prayers, Leroy.

Sent by Nancy | 10:44 AM | 6-9-2008

Wow. What a hard post that must have been for you to write. I just wish your news had been better. We all will be thinking of you today. With love.

Sent by Kathleen | 10:49 AM | 6-9-2008

Oh Leroy, I am so sorry to hear this news. No one is ever prepared when this much bad news is given. My heart goes out to you and Laurie. May the love of so many unseen friends carry yo. May you and your family come to some inner peace as you enter this stage of your journey. My prayers and thoughts are with you.

Sent by Janet C | 10:50 AM | 6-9-2008

Peace & grace

Sent by jen in nola | 10:50 AM | 6-9-2008

Leroy.
My first reaction was "f**k." I'm so very sorry for these latest developments. As most of us here know, this cancer thing can cause us to be very high(good scans) or very low(lousy scans). Right now you're very low and rightfully so. If this any sort of consolation, please know that all us here are better for having logged onto your blog. You have contributed so much
to putting a "human" face on this thing called cancer and by doing so have allow us to better understand the human condition of which cancer is part. I will fly a prayer flag for you and ask that you be shower with kindness now and forever.
Cathy

Sent by cathy itri | 10:53 AM | 6-9-2008

Sending prayers and healing thoughts, Leroy.

Sent by Donna G. | 10:53 AM | 6-9-2008

Leroy, again you are showing the members of "Leroy's Army" how to meet devistating news with determination, grace, dignity and a willingness to share the unvarnished reality. Thank You
Several posters have mentioned a need to do "something" here are a couple of suggestions.
Each of the members of Leroy's Army make a donation to their local NPR station, stating that it is done in support of the My Cancer blog. I can think of no other organization that would be willing to host this site and give the community a place to meet.
In this year of high political awareness, repeted emails (daily) to our elected officals will bring the issue of health care for all to the front. Somehow, someway we have to get their attention and make it known that the issue will not go away and if they want to keep their job, correct the problem now.lac

Sent by lou ann caywood | 10:53 AM | 6-9-2008

CRUBBAGE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dear Leroy,
I am truely sorry for your newest information.My heart goes out to you and your wonderful Family--------HOWEVER; we are ALL thinking Good Thoughts and please know our arms are all around you and making you warm and in our love for you. Take care--- xox dee

Sent by dee | 10:56 AM | 6-9-2008

Dear Leroy, I'm so sorry to hear your news. Please know you are in my prayers.

Sent by Roxi | 10:58 AM | 6-9-2008

Holding you dear Friend in a gold circle of Love and Light.

Sent by Vi | 10:58 AM | 6-9-2008

I wish you all the peace and comfort as you move through this new challenge.

Sent by Beth S. , Louisville, Ky | 11:00 AM | 6-9-2008

"Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops at all." Emily Dickinson. May hope keep you soaring through this difficult time.

Sent by Noel | 11:01 AM | 6-9-2008

Leroy,
You seem calm in the face of such news.
We celebrate your attitude and courage while we redouble our thoughts for you and Laurie.

Sent by Gene Koeneman | 11:05 AM | 6-9-2008

Leroy and Laurie - I can't help but think of a similiar phase in life 1 1/2 years ago when my Mother made her decision to allow Hospice to enter into her care. At this emotional time in our lives we didn't know how much support, grace, comfort and dignity their work would provide not only to my dear Mother but our family. Know that during this time some of the most important life lessons and deepest love imagined was shared and is lovingly remembered. Embrace each other and don't let what lies ahead rob you of what still exists right now it is beautiful. Loving thoughts and wishes, Sharon

Sent by Sharon Viscito | 11:06 AM | 6-9-2008

Roller coaster doesn't even come close, does it? I'm so sorry. I wish you internal peace with all the decisions you'll be making in the upcoming days, and quick relief for any pain.

Sent by keri | 11:06 AM | 6-9-2008

Leroy,
I am so sorry to hear this news. My prayers are with you and yours.

Sent by Kathleen, NJ | 11:08 AM | 6-9-2008

How devastating. I am so sorry to hear this news, Leroy. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Sent by Elsbeth in Tucson | 11:09 AM | 6-9-2008

Dear Leroy and Laurie,
What devastating news. I've been so impressed with your courage in cancer world. Ride for Kids in Colorado was this weekend, for the Pediatric Brain Tumor Foundation. You meet several "stars" there, the children with tumors. You are all such fighters. Let us hope that your blog will help people realize that the only way we can come up with a cure is to give money, money, money to research.
Take care, my friends, we are all with you in spirit.

Sent by Susan | 11:09 AM | 6-9-2008

I am sorry...Prayers and peace always, my friend..

Sent by Julie | 11:12 AM | 6-9-2008

Dear Leroy,
Along with everyone else, I am so very sorry to hear this terrible news. My heart feels like it has been squeezed dry. As usual, I will have you in my thoughts, but perhaps more so now. I, too, will hold hope in my heart!

Sent by Kristi | 11:14 AM | 6-9-2008

I hate cancer but have much love for both of you. Funny that I would never have come to "know" you and look forward to spending a part of each morning with you were it not for this horrible, terrible, no-good cancer. I have been and will keep on praying Leroy. I'll just keep on praying.

Sent by JLmoyer | 11:15 AM | 6-9-2008

you are brave and strong and smart and funny and have lead the way for many of us .. you are in our hearts asz we are in yours
namaste
barbara

Sent by barbara | 11:19 AM | 6-9-2008

Leroy,
Today I get the results of my scans- and if my CEA level is any indication, the news won't be good. My heart breaks for both of us, and all in our community whose cancer is becoming unmanageable. For some of us, it seems the doctors can only keep the beast at bay for so long before it roars to life once again. The tears on my cheeks are for all of us facing such news right now. My prayers go out for you, Laurie, our families, all of us...

Sent by Tricia Bond | 11:19 AM | 6-9-2008

Leroy,
Though I don't 'know' you.....I feel like I do know you through your blog which I read daily.
My heart feels like it did the day I was told of my brother's diagnosis with nasopharyngeal cancer........it is broken with your news.
Know that you will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.
Nancy Nerenberg

Sent by Nancy Nerenberg | 11:19 AM | 6-9-2008

I have followed you since seeing the Ted Koppel documentary, and myself being diagnosed with brain cancer. My tumor has returned and I just finished radiation, and just started chemo. So I can understand the news hitting like a sledgehammer. You're an inspiration!

Sent by Rebecca | 11:21 AM | 6-9-2008

I have read every post, every day and have helped too many friends with their cancer journeys, but this is the first time I have posted.
My heart aches for you Leroy.
If it all becomes too much to bear and/or you are tired of fighting, we have the Death With Dignity Act here in Oregon--you can take the prescribed barbituates and go peacefully to sleep.
Many people are unaware of Oregon's law. I just want to make certain that you are.
Much love to you brother.

Sent by LP | 11:23 AM | 6-9-2008

I rarely post, always read, just wanted to add my comment to the others and remind you that there are many more of us out here than you hear from. My prayers are with you and Laurie. Your strength is amazing. Thank you for your honesty in talking about what so many are experiencing with this disease.
Pat

Sent by Patricia Williamson | 11:24 AM | 6-9-2008

Dear Leroy,
I am so sorry the results of the scans were so devastating that that once again you face difficult decisions. My hopes and prayers are with both you and Laurie.

Sent by Molly | 11:24 AM | 6-9-2008

No WONDER you were experiencing such pain! At least one mystery is solved. I am so stunned and sorry to hear this news.

Sent by Susan C | 11:24 AM | 6-9-2008

Leroy and family - I was so sorry to read your post today. I lost my very young sister this past year to cancer, and I remember very well the day that she received her scan results that are similar to this. It's devestating. I only know how devestating it was for me. I can't even begin to know how awful it was for her and her husband. I don't know what you're going through but I can just imagine and say that I am so sorry. What I did find though that after the devestation, there was still laughter. There was still fun. There was still peace. We were still able to enjoy times together. And again after the devestation of her death, there was still laughter and fun and peace for our family, and I believe that she is enjoying the same too. I hope that this brings some peace to you and your loved ones.

Sent by Elizabeth | 11:26 AM | 6-9-2008

I wish I could give you a hug. This disease is a really great big stinking sucking evil silent sneaky devastating SOB. This is 2008 and no cure in sight, makes me really angry, I think it is time to ask where all the money has/is going cause from what I am seeing it is not going into finding a cure.

Leroy sweetie I am sorry and angry and will say a prayer for you today that you can get strength to cope with this.

Sent by fay | 11:28 AM | 6-9-2008

Leroy.... just wanted to pass on one thought for you.

While caring for my daughter, I, like so many other caregivers, friends and family members, worked so hard to put on my "everything will be all right" brave face. I never really let it all out and let her know how afraid I was of losing her.

It was only after she passed that I learned that she sometimes resented having to wear such a face herself. She said she needed space to be able to rant, and rave and scream sometimes, without being afraid of upsetting me or her children.

It makes me think that sometimes, we owe it to each other to just take off the masks and let it all out TOGETHER, finding our peace and our strength from sharing our pain and our grief.

Sometimes we can just be TOO strong!

Just a thought for all of you.

Sent by bettyobst | 11:32 AM | 6-9-2008

I've recommended your blog to everyone I know who is fighting this fight - and you have helped untold numbers of folks.

We're all with you through all your battles and your decisions. Our hearts hurt with you.

Sent by maryz | 11:33 AM | 6-9-2008

SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I sincerely hope that all this virtual love is keeping you steady dear friend. The roller-coaster ride is not over yet and we're all hoping this drastic dip will take you to new heights. Thank you for sharing selflessly of yourself as I think selfishly for myself, "how will we go on without you'?

Sent by Terri Dilts | 11:34 AM | 6-9-2008

You have all of our support and good wishes. We are with you even on the days you feel you can't check in. Peace and love to you and your family and much much gratitude for all you have given us and continue to give.

Sent by sarah | 11:34 AM | 6-9-2008

Dear Leroy and Laurie
My heart is aching for both of you and all of us here on this blog. I am so sorry that yet another mountain is ahead to climb. I love you.

Sent by Tina from Alton IL | 11:36 AM | 6-9-2008

Leroy-- Dam! can't you catch a break?? Even when you think you know, you can't be prepared for this news. I hope the two of you are doing as well as possible. Stay the course, what else can you do?? Thoughts, Stan

Sent by Stan Wozniak | 11:37 AM | 6-9-2008

Leroy,
I am so sorry for the devastating news to you and your family. The cancer's aggressiveness is shocking despite all you have been through. The title of this blog was a shock to my heart. I think of you all the time, and I have at times chosen to be truly present in certain moments and truly enjoy life's simple things because of you. You are an inspiration to me. Thank you for more than you know.
Sincerely,
Lizabeth J.

Sent by Lizabeth | 11:37 AM | 6-9-2008

Dammmnnnn Leroy - I am so mad at this disease! We are going to be here for you, for the others who posted about their own recurrences and for those of us fearing this lurking monster within our own bodies.

Sent by Dorothy - Los Angeles | 11:38 AM | 6-9-2008

Dear Leroy,
I know this is news you were not hoping for or prepared for but don't give up hope. Fight the good fight! And I will be there with you in thoughts and prayers. I hope you can feel it.
In peace,
Lynda
Seattle, Wa

Sent by Lynda | 11:39 AM | 6-9-2008

Dear Leroy -- I have never posted, but I read your column every day for your keen observations, your wry humor, your joie de vivre even when the news is dark, and the courage you have shown throughout your epic battle. Thank you for sharing your world with us. My heart and prayers are with you and your family.

Sent by Melanie Greenberg | 11:39 AM | 6-9-2008

Dear Leroy and Laurie, Sending prayers, sending hope and sending whatever encouragement you need. Whatever you need of us, we are here to provide. I marvel at your ability to craft such an eloquent post in the face of such news. Yes, you two continue to have much fight and much courage. I haven't posted much in the last month or more being in my own bit of a funk, which is inconsequential in comparison. Please know you are both in the forefront of our thoughts.

Sent by Sheara | 11:44 AM | 6-9-2008

Leroy,

I don't know what to say other than I am so sorry. I literally read your blog every single morning and it has helped me get through so much more than just my illness. There are so many of us out there that receive strength and hope from your words. Know that we are all in this with you, every step of the way.

Sent by Lauren | 11:45 AM | 6-9-2008

Your last line "I still have some fight in me" is truly amazing in light of it all. My heart is with you.

Sent by Anne P. | 11:45 AM | 6-9-2008

Oh, dam

Sent by Barb | 11:46 AM | 6-9-2008

Leroy, I'm distraught about your scan news, yet in awe of your remarkable courage and eloquence in sharing it. You are, and will continue to be, an inspiration to everyone (inside and outside Cancer World) who is following your extraordinary blog.

I hope you know you don't deserve this suffering and that others are praying for your comfort.

Sent by Nancy from Canada | 11:46 AM | 6-9-2008

I'm so sorry.
((HUGS)) and prayers.

Sent by LisaAnniePants | 11:53 AM | 6-9-2008

Dear LeRoy,
I don't write often, but I read your eloquent column every day. Each day you touch my heart. Today I am moved to write.......to join the many individuals who are walking this journey with you.........to add my thoughts and prayers for you and your family. You are not alone, and you are much loved by so many through the power of your sharing.
Terry Gremel

Sent by Terry Gremel | 11:54 AM | 6-9-2008

I am yet another daily ready who hasn't, until today, posted a comment. As a fan of your Nightline emails, I've read your blogs and learned so much about the disease that has touched so many of my friends. Thank you for what you're doing for the world, and I wish you strength in the days ahead.

Sent by Debbie | 11:54 AM | 6-9-2008

A loud AMEN to the chorus of sympathy and well-wishes, Leroy. There's nothing I can add but volume. I wish you hope, courage, luck, and for you to continue to be surrounded by love both in the virtual/blog world and among your family and friends - and this last is a sure bet.

Sent by Lisa Laico | 11:55 AM | 6-9-2008

I am sooo sorry. I read your blog every day and I feel that I know you. Just know someone in Kerrville TX is thinking of you.

Sent by Kat Carlson | 11:55 AM | 6-9-2008

This post has made me heartsick. I read every day, but seldom comment. Your story--the community you have created here--have brought me so much comfort during my Dad's battle over the past year. It's helped us both, I think.

He has his first post-chemo/radiation scan next Wednesday.

"Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all." Dale Carnegie.

So very, very sorry for your news. Peace to you & Laurie.

In prayer,
KateinCO

Sent by KateinCO | 11:57 AM | 6-9-2008

I've been reading this blog for two years now and haven't posted anyhting in over a year. Today, with tears in my eyes I need to tell you how sorry I am for your news. You are inspiring for all of us in the cancer world and I thank you.

Sent by debbie r | 12:01 PM | 6-9-2008

You make a difference in our lives...you teach us so much.

Sent by Tara | 12:02 PM | 6-9-2008

What a total disapointment! You should know I read every day and hold you in my prayers and thoughts....and heart. You go for it....there are always miracles....and if you are tired of all this...that's ok too...we love you!

Sent by kathleen | 12:03 PM | 6-9-2008

Sh-- ! Sh -- ! Cancer makes me so very angry, there is so much money spent on WAR,: can we get SMART and direct more money into researching drugs, into trials, etc etc so that the loss of you, and our brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers, friends & selves could cease? It is ridiculous.

I'm so sorry for this big new test. Now you have to adjust to this news and begin to look at the idea of acceptance. I know alot of us on this blog will have to take this same test at some point, some sooner, some later. I very often wonder if I can do it......that acceptance that I have seen 4 of my friends grow quietly into, in the last few years. I know from my friend Donna and especially Nancy B that when acceptance grows within, it is often accompanied by peace.

Cancer can't take away your dignity and courage, your fine spirit, your soul.... love.

Nancy O

Sent by Nancy Oliveri | 12:04 PM | 6-9-2008

Courage. God be with you and yours, and those treating you.

Sent by Jack | 12:05 PM | 6-9-2008

You have become a dear friend to me.. My heart is breaking.. I wish you peace and freedom from pain both physical and mental.. May you receive the RIGHT answer for YOU.. God bless you and Laurie.. Thank you SO MUCH for sharing you life, both good and bad with us.. You give us courage..

Sent by Patsy Elmore | 12:05 PM | 6-9-2008

I haven't posted in awhile either,Leroy,
I have kept up with the blog, though. What can we say? What can we do? I'm at a loss for words. As I was reading your latest comments, I received a call from the nurse who drew blood for my partners PSA test last week.My partner is 1 yr post surgery for prostate cancer. The range was normal. Reason to celebrate? Yes, but this hasn't come without great sacrifice on his and my part.We chose a radical prostectomy instead of other forms of treatment. Unfortunately almost ALL of the side effects from the surgery have occurred. At times I know he regrets his decision to have treatment. Why can someone say that? It is due to the quality of life we now have. Without being specific I will just say, that he doesn't consider himself a man any longer. Yes, I miss that aspect of our life also, but I would miss his companionship more if he wasn't with me now. We spent over 2 hours watching some funny clips of Monthy Pythons Flying Circus the other night. To laugh again was wonderful.
I can only recommend a good treatment of laughter for you and Laurie now. I'm sure you don't feel much like laughing, but let it happen,whenever and however it occurs. My sincerest condolences are with you and all those who love you. I must also say that I am thinking about the story you told of your mother setting a fire so you could put it out. How would she want you to face the decisions you must make now? She had to have been a remarkable woman to produce such a remarkable man.

Sent by Leah | 12:05 PM | 6-9-2008

I'm another read-every-day-with-silent-hope-and-admiration person, but today I'm hoping that knowing that even more of us are with you will help you face the news that came today and the fight that will follow. It's a privilege to hear your story, and we are so grateful for your effort. Our prayers will continue to include you and the wide circle of those that care about you.

Sent by Susan Sharp | 12:07 PM | 6-9-2008

Dear Leroy,
Your message doesn't arrive til late afternoon here and today's just landed with a huge thud! Just wanted you to know prayers for you, Laurie and your "circle" continue from across the Pond. Breathe in life and love - breathe out all the life-snatching stuff. And keep on keeping on! You matter.

Blessings!

Sent by Peg | 12:09 PM | 6-9-2008

Dear Leroy,

It goes without saying that I am so, so sorry for this news, and devastated as well. My prayers for you and Laurie will continue. My deepest love and admiration for both of you.

Sent by Connie | 12:09 PM | 6-9-2008

Dear Leroy & Laurie:
What devastating news. My love and prayers to you, always.
Marsha Hogarth

Sent by Marsha Hogarth | 12:12 PM | 6-9-2008

I wish I had something more to say than I am blogly here for you, but there it is, and I am.

Sent by Patti Niehoff | 12:17 PM | 6-9-2008

Leroy,
please let the wonderful people at hospice help you enjoy your life to the fullest. They can completely manage your pain and provide great information and comfort to both you and Laurie.

Sent by Mel Sebastiani | 12:18 PM | 6-9-2008

Dear Leroy and Laurie,
I am so very very sorry... I am thinking of you both, and sending wishes for peace and comfort.

Sent by Susie R. from OH | 12:20 PM | 6-9-2008

Dear Leroy,
Hey, I'm with you in any decision you make. Thank you for sharing so honestly.
Blessings,
Carolyn Benson

Sent by Carolyn Benson | 12:28 PM | 6-9-2008

I'm holding the two of you in my heart and in my prayers.
--Liz.

Sent by Liz Cratty | 12:28 PM | 6-9-2008

Leroy and Laurie, I am so sorry for this heavy news. My heart aches for your pain. No one can ever be prepared for this "sledgehammer'. May God help you in your new plans as you both have helped and touched so many daily during this war with cancer.

Sent by Deborah | 12:32 PM | 6-9-2008

Leroy,

So sorry to read this bad news. I want to thank you for continuing to share what is happening to you. It is so good to know we are not alone -- your posts, and the comments from the community -- it really does help give perspective. My sister is in a similar state -- stage IV colon cancer, latest chemo not effective and no recommended "next plan". She has also had tumors on her spine and brain -- just as you. Cancer sucks. I hope all the love and caring you receive are a comfort to you.

Sent by Kate | 12:36 PM | 6-9-2008

Dear Leroy and Laurie
I read your blog every day but rarely post. I wanted to cry when I read the blog this am because this wasn;t the news that I expected to hear from you.
as always, you, your loved ones and everyone living with this suckish disease are in my prayers.

Sent by Belinda | 12:37 PM | 6-9-2008

Oh, Leroy, I'm so sorry. I've never met you and Laurie, but I feel as though I know and love you guys. I know all of your many fans are praying for you.

Sent by Annie | 12:38 PM | 6-9-2008

Prayers from South Dakota, too. Your reporting and writing now is a real source of inspiration, knowledge and good for a laugh, occasionally. What more can we ask...

Sent by Patty | 12:39 PM | 6-9-2008

Leroy and Laurie:
Peace and love to both of you.
Sandra Yudilevich

Sent by Sandra Yudilevich | 12:41 PM | 6-9-2008

Leroy, so sorry to hear about your latest development. Please know that you and Laurie are in all of our thoughts and prayers.

Sent by Joyce in FL | 12:42 PM | 6-9-2008

Dear Leroy and Laurie,

So saddened to hear your news. One is never prepared for this kind of news. I am amazed at your fighting spirit, Leroy. I can only pray for the both of you to be given strength during this difficult time. I am so sad every day because my son, Andrew, died on May 22nd. He suffered so. He had six tumors in his brain. His right leg was in terrible shape from the melanoma. He was only 35 years old. This cancer is such a monster.

Sent by Maureen | 12:43 PM | 6-9-2008

This news really, really sucks. I feel so bad for you both. But I'm also mad, mad, mad. Why, with all the wealth and science that this nation has at it's fingertips can we not find the national will to declare a real war on cancer?

Sent by Marcia Greer | 12:43 PM | 6-9-2008

Ohhhhhhhhh ... There are no adequate words, but there are feelings (that word, too, is inadequate), and they're all being shared in fierce and heartfelt communion.

Fondly,
Kim Forester

Sent by Kim Forester | 12:46 PM | 6-9-2008

May you be surrounded by love and peace as you make the difficult decisions ahead.

Sent by Patte | 12:47 PM | 6-9-2008

Leroy - I am amazed you post, even with the news you have had to absorb. my words cannot match yours. but I can offer prayers and that I am thinking of you and Laurie.

Sent by claire | 12:49 PM | 6-9-2008

Hang in there, Leroy. There are so many people "cheering" for you. Have you ever heard of a miracle? Well, I have and I am hoping for one for you!

Go Leroy, Go!

JO

Sent by Jo Paola | 12:50 PM | 6-9-2008

So sorry to hear this news Leroy! One of my favorite cancer quotes:
"If children have the ability to ignore all odds and percentages, then maybe we can all learn from them. When you think about it, what other choice is there but to hope? We have two options, medically and emotionally: give up, or Fight Like Hell" ~ Lance Armstrong

You are one of the great fighters! Stay strong. We're all praying for you.

Sent by tracy | 12:52 PM | 6-9-2008

Sometimes we long for the moment when Mom could "kiss things better". I wish that there was a magic kiss that could heal the wounds that cancer has inflicted upon you. You are lifted by thousands of prayers, to assist you in the fight you have left in you.

You remind me of my sister, who never gave up. She lived an amazing eight years that no one had granted her.

I add my prayers to those of all your readers.

Peggy

Sent by Peggy | 12:53 PM | 6-9-2008

Hello Leroy,

You are such a brave soul and a hero in helping us all get through this portion of our lives we are living. My heart goes out to you and your family. The other shoe has fallen as it seems and that is what I am dredging most. It is always there in the background or in the back of your mind. How did it come so fast this time. God only knows. I have you in my thoughts and prayers. God bless us all in this fight.

Sent by Diane Pavlik | 12:56 PM | 6-9-2008

Dear Leroy,
Like so many others, I feel heartbroken and angry at your news. The only words that come to mind are "I love you" and "thank you" and "hold fast." You and Laurie have given so much to those of us who have been daily blog readers here for the past two and a half years. We're all here for you, whatever choices and decisions you make. I hope the waves of love that permeate today's comments will buoy you up at this difficult time.Your fighting spirit is beautiful and inspirational, but acceptance can also be beautiful, I believe. Do what feels right to you and Laurie, and please know you are loved.

Sent by Doris | 12:59 PM | 6-9-2008

You can't print what the word that flew out of my mouth as I read your post today. I like what Kathleen said above.
To you both-
We share your sadness with this news and wish you PEACE

Sent by Julie | 1:01 PM | 6-9-2008

AHHHHH Crud! Not much to say others haven't already. Strength, prayers, hope and above all, love, to you and Laurie.

Sent by Jenene K./AZ | 1:03 PM | 6-9-2008

Oh dear. Well, I think it's time to do the silly, expensive, illogical things you've always wanted to do but put off doing because of life's other priorities. Time is more precious than ever, so guard against spending your time simply trying to buy yourself more time, because time isn't everything, it's how you spend it that you 'll be remembered for. Prayers for you both. XX

Sent by Lisa Burt | 1:08 PM | 6-9-2008

Ohh CRAP! I'm soooo sorry to hear this latest news. And I've been meaning to write to let you know how wonderful, and inspiring you are. So it seems now is the time to write -- to make sure you get my message.
Just to give a bit of background -- I've had this weird (at least my friends think so) crush on Ted Koppel for ages. So when Nightline started the daily emails informing subscribers about that evenings show, I signed up. Most of the time I found the email more interesting then the show -- and I started wondering -- " who is this guy who writes these amazing little blurbs?" There was always something insightful, thoughtful -- that made that night's story personally meaningful. I've saved many of those emails -- and I was going through those today.
There was a story on March 12, 2001 -- about the Ebola Virus in Uganda... you wrote: "As journalists, we dip into people's lives and then move on. And sometimes, when those people show real courage, I often wonder if I would have the guts to do what they do in the same circumstances. The Ugandan doctor that you'll meet tonight? I know that I don't have the kind of courage that he had." Well, I don't remember the story, I don't remember the doctor -- but I suspect now you know that you do have the courage that he had....after what you're going through, and how you're still reaching out to people, and making things that seem so remote and scary, personal and meaningful.
After that I was compelled to write to Nightline to tell them how amazing I thought you were -- and that based solely on your daily emails I stayed up to watch Nightline more often than not. (Missed a lot of Letterman's top ten lists....) My email was answered by a woman, Sarah H. Rosenberg, who replied, "....working with Leroy is even more amazing than his writing skills! I'll pass along your note. I'm sure he'd appreciate it wholeheartedly."
Well, I hope you got that email 7 years ago....and I hope you get this one. I hope you know that you have brought joy, knowledge and thoughtfulness to many, many people. That's a good thing.
I was born and raised a Buddhist (in Mormon country) and I've developed my own philosophy of life and death. I think that we all get constantly re-cycled and that for whatever reason we come here, spend time, influence people, love people, hate people, work hard, not work hard -- and that next time we show up, we have another chance to do more -- to do better. I would guess you've been recycled MANY times, because it would be hard to do more or do better than you've done here.
Here's to hooking up with you again sometime in the future...
Susan

Sent by Susan | 1:09 PM | 6-9-2008

Larry,

My heart is sad.

Sent by Jan | 1:10 PM | 6-9-2008

Leroy and Laurie,

What a scary time for you two! I've been a member of a online support group for Stage lV breast cancer patients for a few years now, and I've seen dear online friends snap back from such devastating
scan results. Then again, some don't, and they slip quietly away.

I suppose the Drs. are talking about pallaitive care. Well, they did that to me back in 2005 and I had a fit. Good thing, as for now, I'm "cancer free." Until the next scan. My dear oncologist has taught me how to read my scans. I tell my numerous specialists to pretend I'm a Med School Resident and teach me everything they know. I only had one young man, a radiation oncologist, balk, and he was worried about keeping to his schedule. Once he figured out that I had a triple digit IQ and a genuine interest in my case (Duh!)he gave me the short version of how/why some cancer cells go dormant.

Yes, dear LeRoy, you have some decisions to make. Is it time to call in hospice? Probably, for everyone but you or me! Hospice will take away your pain and keep you comfortable but...you'll be cut off from future treatment.
When does one say "Enough Already!" That's such an individual decision. Trust me, you'll just "know" when the time has come to stop treatment.

I've seen so many dear women jump back from the brink, through the grace of their higher power. Others, make a conscious decision that enough is enough. It is too emotionally painful to see the effects of our disease on those nearest and dearest to us.

I hate this disease and what it does to patients, families and the medical profession. My Doctors are all special and they certainly do not remain untouched by the ravages of this terrible disease on their patients. Their nurses are like sisters.

What next? Get the pain under control. Address the brain mets. I suggest cyberknife. Cyberknife also works quite well for liver and lung mets. This will reduce the cancer load and give systemic treatments a shot - should you decide to go that route.

We fellow patients are the only ones who truly understand what you're going through and it really sucks. Hang in there, buddy. It's not your time yet!

Sent by Sue Mersic | 1:11 PM | 6-9-2008

I am so sorry Leroy, what a bummer!, to you and your family keep up the fight. I admire what you o, sharing with us your thoughs and progress. Fight, peace and live to the most.My good thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. God keep you in the palm of his hand.

Sent by Marelly | 1:14 PM | 6-9-2008

Leroy and family,
Such devastating news! I am so sorry! I read your blog everyday and gain strength and admiration from you for being alive today.........what a fighter you are.
Love and Hope, Donna

Sent by Donna Lajoy | 1:15 PM | 6-9-2008

I read this and think of you,

"Life is not a journey to the grave with the intentions of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body. But rather to slide in sideways, thoroughly used up, totally worn out and loudly proclaiming....WOW WHAT A RIDE!!"

Your career, your relationships, your love, your mentoring us, the hundreds of eyes, minds and hearts you have helped open wider... thank you for living, thank you for teaching.

We send our prayers of peace, comfort, serenity and bliss for you, those whom you love, this larger C community.

Thinking of little umbrellas and sun drenched beaches and all things to bring smiles and eye crinkles to you and Laurie.

Sent by Stitches | 1:18 PM | 6-9-2008

Dearest Leroy- I am just so sad- to think of all you've been through and still have it all explode. But look what you've done. You've way outlived the prognosis, you've educated thousands of people about cancer in a manner that has been personal and important for over 2 years, you've demonstrated what true courage is. You've inspired me to live my life more fully and to face problems head on.I am just so sorry you now have to make more tough and devasting decisions.These are not the cards you wanted, but by now you have learned how to make the most of the hand you have. My love to you and Laurie.

Sent by linda h. | 1:23 PM | 6-9-2008

Leroy and Laurie, Doris said it all. But I must add my heartfelt I am so saddened, for you both. Peace and godspeed as you contemplate decisions.

Sent by Kay from PA | 1:27 PM | 6-9-2008

Leroy and Laurie: Saying I'm sorry just doesn't seem enough. I've never posted before, but have been following your blog for about 18 months, can't thank you enough for how much you have helped me over that time with my cnacer treatments. You and Laurie will be in my thoughts and prayers daily. Love (and I mean that) Wendy Bethlehem PA

Sent by Wendy | 1:27 PM | 6-9-2008

I am so sorry to hear this news. My heart aches for you and Laurie at this time and the future.
Kathy from San Diego

Sent by Kathy Peacock | 1:28 PM | 6-9-2008

Leroy & Laurie,
There are no words to say. I am so sorry. Please know you are surrounded by love and wishes of peace...from your birth family all the way out to the edges of "Leroy's Army".

You have helped so many of us learn, accept and live our lives to the fullest through our bouts with the beast. Please feel the enormous outpouring of loving, positive thoughts aimed directly at you and your family as you take your next steps. Fight on brother!

Sent by Mary M. (CA) | 1:30 PM | 6-9-2008

Oh my Leroy... I'm sooo sorry to hear this news. I'm glad you still have fight in you and I pray for you and Laurie.

Sent by Geoff | 1:30 PM | 6-9-2008

Leroy, Keep fighting the good fight. We're all behind you 100 per cent.
Cheers, Tom

Sent by Tom K in Sydney | 1:31 PM | 6-9-2008

Good Afternoon Leroy, Laurie and All,

Leroy, My heart sank as I read your blog today!! I wasn't prepared for this either and I feel numb. I'm adding my prayers to all the others and hope that there are still some options to put the brakes on all of this.

Laurie, I know you are crushed!! We are certainly holding you both close in our hearts and prayers!! I just wish there was something more I could do.

To All, This is awful news and I know we all have heavy hearts. And I know that we are all looking forward to the day that no one will receive such news in Cancer World. God Bless!!

Eileen Pruyne
Charlotte, NC

Sent by Eileen Pruyne | 1:33 PM | 6-9-2008

I look for you every day with the thought, let's see how Leroy is doing. I remembered you had a scan last week so today I thought, maybe he has information about the scan. And now this is the bad information. Like all other commenters, I am sorry. As a Quaker I will hold you and Laurie in the Light.

Sent by Alison | 1:33 PM | 6-9-2008

I cannot add anything to what has been said. Even though I am also fighting metastatic disease, I cannot fully imagine what you are feeling right now, but know that we are all with you in spirit.

Sent by Ruth from Northern Virginia | 1:34 PM | 6-9-2008

Stay strong Leroy.
Keep fighting, you know you have all the support and positive energy we can send your way.

Sent by Brit | 1:35 PM | 6-9-2008

Leroy
I am so sorry about your latest news. You and yours will be in my prayers.

Sent by Joyce | 1:35 PM | 6-9-2008

I am another reader who has never posted. I just want you to know how much you have taught me. I have dear friends with cancer and I hope I know now better what to say and do and maybe a little of what they go through. I can't imagine how many you have touched and taught. This blog is a great thing you have done. I wish you peace.

Sent by Susan Herbst | 1:38 PM | 6-9-2008

Leroy,
Somehow I know you will fight as long as you can. You and Laurie are in my thoughts and prayers every day.

Sent by Chuck from Michigan | 1:43 PM | 6-9-2008

Leroy,

I am so sorry about the most recent news. You have been such a powerful inspiration to me in my journey with cancer. I read your blog each day and gain strength from it and send you thoughts and prayers for good health in return. They are with you right now.

Sent by Jeannine | 1:46 PM | 6-9-2008

Cancer is relentless; but so are you Leroy. You have come so far already, I pray for you.

Sent by cv | 1:46 PM | 6-9-2008

to respond to the comment on foundation i would so support that. again my prayers are with you in this fight.

Sent by karen ball | 1:46 PM | 6-9-2008

Leroy,

I have never posted here - but have read your story daily for the past year. I recently lost my young mother to lung cancer and its been a long and difficult road coming to terms with it.

You have given me so much strength during some of my dark days. And you give me a connection to my mom as I read your posts, your truths, about this fight. Your fight is everyone's fight and it truly is a precious gift that you are sharing with all of us.

Cancer is a roller coaster - lots of ups and downs and loops and turns. And there are days when it turns you upside down and leaves you hanging there for awhile. This is one of those times for you and your family. I've been there too and I know that there's nothing to say except to just be there for each other and keep living just as you always have. This roller coaster ride is by all means not over yet. And you still have plenty more "ups" ahead of you in this fight. And those ups are your friends and family and the things in this world that make you smile.

We are all right there with you Leroy.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all you do.

Sent by Nicole from Washington, DC | 1:50 PM | 6-9-2008

Dear Leroy and Laurie,

Normally I have a ton of words. Now I have none.

Prayers of peace for you both. You are a blessing Leroy.

Love,

Lori

Sent by Lori | 1:50 PM | 6-9-2008

Leroy and Laurie,
I'm another reader that has never posted. I wish you much courage and strength for your upcoming battles.
Treat yourself gently.

Sent by Kathryn in Burbank | 1:58 PM | 6-9-2008

Keep fighting Leroy!!!!! Prayers to you from me and my family!!!

Sent by Deb from Michigan | 1:58 PM | 6-9-2008

Leroy - wish I knew the words to take away the fear, pain and frustration.......whatever you decide, whatever comes next - I know you'll make good choices and hope you feel all the love and support that is with you!

Sent by Ruth Chermok | 1:58 PM | 6-9-2008

I have read your blogs daily but never written. You have got me through my husband's treatment for colon cancer and the death of my sister-in-law from breast cancer. My thoughts are with you and Laurie and my thanks for sharing your precious time with us.

Sent by Karen | 1:58 PM | 6-9-2008

Leroy,

You were on my m inf all weekend because I had a hunch something like this would be the news this morning.

Decision time always weighs the gains against the costs and it faces cancer patients at every turn. At some point, it is time to stop fighting and go for the good time you have left.

Clearly, you aren't there yet, but I assume the thought has crossed your mind - maybe many times.

Whatever you decide for your own situation, we who have been with you from early on will, I KNOW, be with you the rest of the way as you allow us to be.

I am so sorry for your news. It is very hard to bear. You do it most gracefully.

Blessings.

Sent by Diana Kitch | 2:06 PM | 6-9-2008

Leroy and Laurie, What a shock!! I started crying cause we have all come to love you both for being so human and so tough... and for sharing all these private pains of living with cancer with all of us.
I know the "exploding all over" part was a big possibility at any time, as it is with my cancer, but, it seems unreal for the damned beast to go ahead and actually do it!
Though the news is so devestating, we know that after the shock and grief feel more manageable you will get what procedures you can to get rid of the pelvis pain and treat those brain mets as best as any treatment can.
Many warm hugs going out to you both.

Sent by NancyGM | 2:06 PM | 6-9-2008

So sorry Leroy. All I can say is take a few deep breaths and don't miss the magic in your life today. You still have today and tomorrow and more to experience everyone's love and create memories for us all.

Sent by Judy | 2:08 PM | 6-9-2008

Dear Leroy,

I have followed your story for a couple years, but never posted. I'm posting today so that you know there is yet another person pulling for you as you face the Beast. I admire you for living out one of the most noble human virtues- the drive to persist in fighting the good fight, even when the odds are against you. Without that drive, evil and suffering would easily prevail in the world; with it, humanity has hope. Thank you for sharing your journey with us.

Sent by Mike Murray / CA | 2:11 PM | 6-9-2008

Dear Leroy and Laurie:

What a shock for you both and all your army. You've taught so much to so many. You're still a plucky s.o.b. with lots of moxie!

You'll make whatever decisions you're comfortable with; that's the important thing.

I, too, send lots and lots of good karma to you both.

Ann

Sent by Ann Stern | 2:12 PM | 6-9-2008

Leroy,
I only just read your blog as I am packing to go back east. I can only add my good thoughts and prayers to all the others out there. It is truly amazing how many you have touched.

Sent by Natalie | 2:12 PM | 6-9-2008

Dear Leroy,
May the coat you have woven with your strength, humor and courage continue to keep not only your fellow travellers warm, but you as well. You deserve so much support from us for all that you have given to us through your blog and your wonderful sense of humor, even in the hardest of times. Thank you for all you do. My thoughts are with you and Laurie now as always.

Sent by Barbara Langan | 2:21 PM | 6-9-2008

Honestly...I regret that I am one of your friends who has averted this blog.Its been a painful roller coaster. Today, I was implored to check in and Im speechless. Going through the blogs Im srtuck by how much you are beloved by folks who don't even know you.Little do they know how much love you have gathered from those of us who do. To those who don't know you I will say that you are best described by two words.Courage and Humanity.
It was great seeing you two weeks ago and Im so sorry things have taken such a bad turn. Much Love and I'll see you soon brother.
Fletch

Sent by Fletcher Johnson | 2:22 PM | 6-9-2008

Leroy, All I said was oh-no when I read your headline. Everyday is precious isn't it. Another lesson I'm learning from you. Thank you Leroy and I'm praying for you and your family.

Sent by Lisa | 2:23 PM | 6-9-2008

Although I have only posted a few times, I am a regular reader. I remember months ago when you posted that you made your doctor promise you that he would tell you when you should take your trip to Hawaii - before you couldn't enjoy it any more. Have you taken it yet? If not, is now the right time?

Also, know that we support you no matter what your decisions - to continue fighting with treatments - or to enter hospice. Only you know what is right for you.

Sent by Alice May | 2:33 PM | 6-9-2008

Leroy -- I'm just another one who reads your post faithfully, and I pray that you receive grace for each moment. May you feel the support and love of this huge blog-community, and we are sharing lots of thoughts and tears today.

Sent by rjrjj | 2:36 PM | 6-9-2008

Dear Leroy
I'm so sorry. There are no words to convey the sorrow I felt in reading todays blog. Thanks for sharing in good times and bad. I think there's still lots of love, laughter and friendship in your future. You are in my prayers.

Sent by Miriam | 2:41 PM | 6-9-2008

Dear Leroy,
I've read your blog for over a yr. now and have come quickly to admire your candor, good humor and resolve. You've fought your cancer brilliantly and have given me insight into the day to day of living with it. I wish you well and will continue to read your blog and pray for you. You've already done so much for so many people.

Sent by Valerie | 2:42 PM | 6-9-2008

Dear Leroy,
I am so sorry to read this news. Many prayers being sent to you and your family.
Fondly, BarbVH

Sent by Barb Van Haren | 2:50 PM | 6-9-2008

Leroy, this is my first post but I read almost daily. My father is also fighting cancer and the two of you have been and are going through so much. My family and I have learned and experienced so many things throughout his treatment. We've leanred that we can handle more than we could ever imagine and see so much good and beauty in times of pain and suffering. I read in your words that you are staying strong and I hope that you can maintain your personal relationship with God when our human comments won't do.

Sent by Brian from PA | 2:51 PM | 6-9-2008

I'm so sorry to read this. I send you love, hope, and prayers for a miracle. Your blog is an inspiration for this cancer survivor.

Sent by durgesh | 2:51 PM | 6-9-2008

Dear Leroy and Laurie,

I am sending loving thoughts and prayers your way. You are a lifeline for so many people, and I hope that we can in some way return that love and care now.

Sent by Annie | 2:53 PM | 6-9-2008

Dear Leroy and Laurie,

If all of us feel like we've been punched in the gut, I can't even imagine how difficult it is for you guys. Sometimes words just don't do the job...and this is one of those times, particularly since I can't cry and type at the same time...

Leroy...I know that you don't think of yourself as a hero, but your blog has meant so much to so many. You are my hero...

Hugs and kisses....

Sent by Faun | 3:02 PM | 6-9-2008

LEROY!!! I know this is such a tough time for you...I want you to know that I am praying for you and I think of you often! Keep your head up and know that you have, and continue to, fight a good fight. You have been so strong and sometimes like you said you have decisions to make...at some point you have to think of your quality of life and what you want to enjoy more and how ;) It's so hard for me as I just lost my dad 6 months ago and we came to these very moments...it's like the nightmare that never ends.

With all my thoughts and prayer and love,
Cristina Barthel

Sent by Cristina Barthel | 3:04 PM | 6-9-2008

**!**!! ......May all the love you are cloaked in keep your strength and grace close and here's to the embrace of dreams and the solace of sleep (medicated to the nines if needs be) to soften the blows of the beast as you move forward.

Sent by Marcia E. | 3:06 PM | 6-9-2008

Somehow the words I'm Sorry seem so small right now. However, I truly am sorry that your cancer journey has taken such a drastic turn. As a fellow stage IV patient I remain amazed and ticked off by this blasted disease and its ability to have been on the move in this way and to this extent, while remaining under the symptom radar.

We continue to pull for you, Leroy. I'm sure your team is already on this and wish you the very best as you move through the next treatment plan.

Sent by J S M | 3:14 PM | 6-9-2008

Usually I read your blog in the morning but a busy morning kept me from it until this afternoon. My heart sunk when I read the title. I don't have any words after reading all the other words here but I'm so grateful that even this bad news is something you are willing to share with all the people who read here and have come to care about you so much. I am feeling very very sad right now--for you and for Laurie-- after reading your news. The only additional suggestion I would make is that you talk to those hospice folks again about what they can do to help. My husband is volunteering at our local hospice now and tells me firsthand of how much they are able to do for the people there.

Sent by N.R. | 3:20 PM | 6-9-2008

Dear Leroy and Laurie,

I'm trusting that you can almost physically feel the powerful, loving, healing vibes coming from all of us, directly to you. They're as real as anything you can touch or see.

I HOPE you keep fighting.

I HOPE your fantastic medical team has more tricks up their sleeves.

In other words, I still have HOPE for you. So there!

Love,

Sent by Janice J. , Los Angeles | 3:21 PM | 6-9-2008

Hell and damnation.

OK.

Recognize that there is nothing, nothing, you can do about this except keep a strong spirit.

Sent by David Larsen | 3:22 PM | 6-9-2008

Leroy -- I have been and will continue to pray for you and Laurie -- for strength, peace, freedom from pain, and compassion & skill from your health care team. I have read your blog for just over a year since I joined cancer world, and I so appreciate your openness and humor.
You are not alone, Pam

Sent by Pam | 3:23 PM | 6-9-2008

I read your blog and I cried. But then I read many, many of the notes that those that loved you wrote. How wonderful at the end of life to look at the wonderful impact you had on others. And this is just the blog. God must be very proud of the work you have done on this earth. He gave you talent and love and your shared. May He hold you in His arms and ease your pain, physically and emotionally. He will say, "Good Job, Leroy, well done". As our lives get shorter, those moments with loved ones become more precious. Enjoy those moments and let everyone you love know that they are loved. Bless you, Leroy. Keep the hope and be thankful for your wonderful life.

Jackie

Sent by Jackie | 3:28 PM | 6-9-2008

Leroy -- This morning my heart was broken once again by cancer as I read your blog today. It sucks it makes me soooo mad. We have got to find a way t stop this monster from destroying. I am so sorry. My heart, love, and prayers go out to you and Laurie and your family at this difficult time. There will be difficult decisions to be made and my wish for you is courage, strength, comfort and eventually peace with whatever decision you make. I am just so sad for you right now. We have got to stop this. Damn it. I know this doesn't change anything but know there are ALOT of people hoping and praying for you. ALOT of people who really care for you! You are in my thoughts!

Sent by Cori Swanson | 3:31 PM | 6-9-2008

Leroy, I too am so shocked and saddened by the latest scan results. And I too have tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat. I hope you realize how much everyone who reads your blog everyday has come to love and care about you. I am still pulling for a miracle. You and your family remain in my prayers.

Sent by Teresa from Missouri | 3:33 PM | 6-9-2008

Keep fighting my friend - keep fighting!

Sent by Pierre Mueller | 3:33 PM | 6-9-2008

Your will to live amazes me. I don't think I could have gone through what you have without having cried uncle much sooner. But we never know for sure how we will respond, do we? You are remarkable in your strength and courage and should be rewarded with a cure. If I were queen of the universe, that's what I'd give you. I am so sorry you received such dreadful news, Leroy. As usual, my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Sent by Sharon | 3:35 PM | 6-9-2008

I read every day and want you to know you are always in my prayers. Fight on....we will be here behind you fighting too.
Deb C

Sent by AlaskaDeb | 3:48 PM | 6-9-2008

Oh Leroy,
I am so sorry! My heart aches for you and Laurie right now.

Sent by Cathy | 3:57 PM | 6-9-2008

This is my first time posting but a long-time reader.

Leroy and Laurie, I am sorry for the news. My dad has been battling cancer and your blog has helped me to understand what he is going through. Thank you for the blog during good times as well as bad times.

You both Make A Difference.

Good thoughts and prayers coming your way.

Sent by Pam | 3:58 PM | 6-9-2008

I see that I am the 262nd commenter, with many more hours remaining in this day. Consider all of the lives you have touched personally, Leroy. Quite remarkable, isn't it. While we don't have the power to change your destiny, we are here with you through the duration of your journey. Thank you for all you have shared of yourself. Know that we are commenting today with tears in our eyes and heavy hearts.

Sent by Holly | 4:04 PM | 6-9-2008

Leroy, You are so strong! You and Laurie are in my prayers. I know I'll have to face this one day too and I am scared to death.

Sent by Ruth White | 4:07 PM | 6-9-2008

Damn.
Been reading for 2years after hearing you on the radio. Your honest thoughts about your cancer experience have helped me travel in the cancer world. I don't want to lose you.
Today I pause and trust that the love that is around you will continue to hold you up to face whatever this journey brings.

Sent by Carol | 4:09 PM | 6-9-2008

Leroy, I am very saddened by your news today. Yesterday I learned of yet two more people in my life who have this terrible disease. It seems to have no end. I guess in my thoughts today, I've summed it all up by saying we must live each day fully, love fully, and never leave the important stuff unsaid. Your courage to tell us all what you're going through has made us all better people, and I for one, want to be like you when I grow up.

Sent by Martha in FL | 4:12 PM | 6-9-2008

Dear Leroy,

You and your family have been in my thoughts and prayers. I so admire your courage in the face of such terrible news. Remember, you are never alone.

Sent by Tricia L. | 4:13 PM | 6-9-2008

I've been reading your blog since March of 2007 and following your story. My heart sunk this morning when I read this. I've admired your strength and courage and I couldn't keep silent any longer. My prayers and thoughts are with you and yours. Please don't stop fighting.

Sent by Gretchen | 4:13 PM | 6-9-2008

Leroy:

When I read your blog, I was instantly transformed back to the moment Burge's doctor gave him the news his Colon Cancer had spread...everywhere.

No one can know exactly how another feels, but I remember how we felt and knowing that, and having learned to love you and Laurie as special friends, another small hole poked through my heart.

Not only does this news bring sadness, I also feel extremely lonely. Lonely for myself; lonely for the two of you and for all those travelling the Cancer Road...a road I can only describe like the point in the movie "Emperor of the Sun" where the Japanese march the remaining war prisioners and civilians, including a small boy, across the desert, past valuable plunder, where some have to stop and some are able to go on.

You are so dear to all of us and such a leader in this march.

Sasha321 and Elaine: I still hold you close in my prayers. May today be a good one.

Nikki

Sent by Nikki in Kansas | 4:18 PM | 6-9-2008

Dear Leroy,
Your news crossed the Atlantic and reached me in Italy. I hope the difficult act of writing, especially at a time like this, helped YOU in some way, as well as many others. Prayers and wishes of strength, courage and hope are winging their way across the Atlantic in the other direction now.

Sent by Maris | 4:19 PM | 6-9-2008

Dear Leroy, I will pray for you. Peace be with you as you face these decisions. Kim

Sent by Kim Barbato | 4:24 PM | 6-9-2008

You're a gd rockstar Leroy.

Sent by Kelly George | 4:26 PM | 6-9-2008

Leroy -
This goes beyond just sucking! It's the royal screw. It makes me want to bang my head against the wall chanting "why, why, why?"

Saying I'm sorry seems to meager. I want you to beat this cancer down in my core. You have fought so long and hard and with incredible strength.

I hope you will find the strength to do whatever it is you want to do.

I am...we are all out here with you in one form or another.

Kathy Bero

Sent by kathy bero | 4:27 PM | 6-9-2008

Leroy, what a bummer. Thank you so much for sharing the news, I know it isn't easy. I hope you appreciate Laurie, you are so lucky to have her by your side. So we live our lives in months instead of years.

Sent by Dianne (DC) | 4:31 PM | 6-9-2008

they say a joy shared is multiplied, while a burden shared is divided. I hope this rings true for you..for you have many, many sharing this burden with you. Godspeed

Sent by Theresa Lovin | 4:37 PM | 6-9-2008

I have been reading your blog for about a year now and have never left a comment before today. This blog really helped me when my mother was first diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer last summer. Your strength has meant so much to me and I am sure, to countless other's. I thank you so much for sharing your story with us and I pray that God will ease your burden. God bless you Leroy!

Sent by Maggie | 4:47 PM | 6-9-2008

Leroy,

Joining in as a long time reader, first time to post - I want to say thank you for the gift of time, energy, and most of all for sharing your thoughts, feelings, good, bad, funny and sad! It is an amazing gift and one I look to for insights into life.
I'm so thankful you have Laurie and others that love and care about you. It is my prayer that they are also strengthened in this long journey by your willingness to share this journey so openly. It seems possible to me that in this fight, your ability to share your thoughts and feelings, contributes to the longevity of the fight. You and Laurie are in my thoughts and prayers.

Sent by CJ in Seattle | 4:50 PM | 6-9-2008

Leroy & Laurie, I'm so sorry for the latest news. Your blog gives so many of us strength, and courage, and a voice. Please know that we are all behind you - whatever your decision is.

Sent by Kara | 4:51 PM | 6-9-2008

Dear Leroy,
Words cannot express how sorry I am. Part of me is crying and part is shouting there must be something else to try! Where are all those clinical trials? When will we find the answers we so desperately need?

You have been a hero and an inspiration to me since I started reading last August. You have shown me how to live and deal with this cancer every day. I thank you for that.

Please know that you are always in my prayers. I know that you will choose the right path for you and we will all be here to support you. If only love and prayers were enough.....

Sent by Mary C. in Kingston, MA | 5:05 PM | 6-9-2008

Glad to hear you say you still have some fight left in you. But don't forget about the joy you have left in you, too.

You still have kisses to give (and receive). Bet there's a great book on one of your shelves you haven't cracked open yet. Somewhere, somebody's got a joke that's going to make you shake with laughter. A flower is going to bloom with such confident gorgeousness that you'll be stopped in your tracks by it. A dog (whether or not it belongs to you) is going to need petting, and you'll be there to do it.

Your song has not yet ended. Give yourself over to the enjoyment of the singing that remains--and know that many here will be humming a few bars of "Leroy's tune" long after you are gone.

Sent by Rebecca in Tennessee | 5:07 PM | 6-9-2008

Leroy, reading your blog is one of the first things I do in the morning. I have been in cancer treatment for almost 3 years and your words have made me smile many times. I want you to know how much your words have meant to me. Thank you for sharing your journey. Today's blog breaks my heart.

Sent by Sheila Freeman | 5:07 PM | 6-9-2008

It seems that much of life is struggle, and with cancer patients the struggle is amplified by the insidious nature of disease itself and multitude of available treatments. You share the course of your struggle with us -- the highs and lows of your treatments, the good days and the bad. Each one of us would ease your burden if we could. As you make your decisions, Leroy, take heart that the struggle is not eternal.

Sent by Martha Anderson | 5:16 PM | 6-9-2008

I've been back to the comments page several times today - and then left -not knowing what to say. Nothing has changed and I still don't have the words, other than you are very important to me and I will be thinking about you every day and wishing you well.

Sent by Bonnie | 5:18 PM | 6-9-2008

Dear Leroy -
I've been sitting here at work, staring at my computer screen with tears streaming down my face. I feel compelled to add a comment today - because I want you to know the impact that you have had on my life (through your work, your blog, and your spirit).
After my father died of leukemia in 2006 I fell into a deep depression. I was so unhappy, numb, and unable to deal with my feelings and I didn't even know it for many months. Your blog was one of the things that helped me feel again. It helped me work through the pain and return to the world.
I returned to the world as a wiser, more grateful person. And I know my dad, Ernie, would give you a big "Atta Boy" for helping out his little girl.
You have given so much to so many people through your work and this blog. Please know that if I could, I would give you some of my years, so that you could live without this burden for a while.

Sent by Tara | 5:22 PM | 6-9-2008

Dear Leroy and Laurie:

You have been in my prayers frequently, but even more so today. I pray for health.

Sent by Kate | 5:24 PM | 6-9-2008

Leroy

I am so sorry to read the results of your scan weren't good. You have been a part of my day every day since I was diagnosed with stage 3 colon cancer and I discovered your blog. You have given me so much hope, inspiration and joy. You are in my prayers.

Sent by Kathy W | 5:29 PM | 6-9-2008

Dear Leroy,
I read your blog every weekday and was waiting along with everyone else to hear the results of the scans. I'm so sorry to hear the news wasn't good. As a breast cancer survivor, I know the horrible beast can always come back--and sometimes with a vengeance. You're in my thoughts and prayers.
Leslie

Sent by Leslie | 5:54 PM | 6-9-2008

Dear Leroy and Laurie,
You both are always in my heart and on my mind! I'm sending all my love and may you find peace and strength in the days ahead.
Jude

Sent by Judith Tynan | 6:04 PM | 6-9-2008

Dear Leroy,
Please know how sad we feel to hear your news. Our thoughts and prayers are with you. I wish there was something we could do to help you.

Sent by Susan | 6:09 PM | 6-9-2008

Hard news for us, worse for you. The fight you have left in you- I know you will use it well for the important things.

Sent by Ceese Stickles | 6:18 PM | 6-9-2008

Count me as another person who faithfully follows your blog but has never posted. I've been doing weekly chemo for four years for breast cancer.

Last week someone recommended Tong Ren to me as a group energy therapy (an oversimplified description). I'm going to a meeting tomorrow night and am also signing up online for a distance session on Wednesday night. Something tells me that we have everything to gain by accepting concentrated energy from sources who are focusing on our healing. Please consider giving it a try (google Tong Ren).

Your faithful online friend.

Sent by Karen in Sacramento | 6:26 PM | 6-9-2008

Dear Leroy,
Keep your chin up friend, it puts my minor (currently shrinking) Brain Tumour into perspective, but it also reminds me it won't always be like this. I guess one day we all stop the fight and I understand how difficult that must be, but I've also heard what a relief it can be.

Whatever decision you make I'm sure it will be the right one.

Sent by Ian | 6:27 PM | 6-9-2008

I am chiming in with everyone else....wishing there was something, anything to do, being devastated by the turn of events, and hoping that your pain and sadness are balanced with some peace.

Sent by judith | 6:27 PM | 6-9-2008

My heart aches for you. I will pray for you and Laurie.
Many of us sit on the side lines and watch loved ones battle this disease. We want to help and are just waiting for the word. Please tell us what to do. What cancer charity would you like us to donate to? Set one up in your name and call it the "Fighters' Fund". Let us help in some physical way.

Sent by Wende | 6:35 PM | 6-9-2008

You're not alone, Leroy. It's been an inspiration to read your blog. Keep going as long as you can. We love you.

Sent by Rachael Seravalli | 6:44 PM | 6-9-2008

I'm sorry. There are so many people who've posted very eloquently, so I will defer to their words.

I am holding you both in my heart.

Sent by Nancy | 6:49 PM | 6-9-2008

Dear Leroy --

My father -- who is now recovering from treatment for Stage 4 colorectal cancer -- says that he doesn't know if there is a God who can cure his cancer, but he believes that there is healing power in the fact that people around the world are praying for him. So, this weekend, I went to synagogue and said your name during the prayer for those who are ill. You have been a constant source of inspiration and support for my family during the past year. We are all thinking of you and rooting for you in this latest fight.

Sent by Karen A | 6:51 PM | 6-9-2008

Leroy
I was reading Man's Search For Meaning by Vicktor Frankl about his experience in a concentration camp, and I wondered at how similar his experience was to our experience as cancer patients: the fear, the brutality, the not knowing whether you'd make it another day, another week. It all fits. But one thing Frankl came away knowing for sure was those that continued to have a purpose to survive, lived the longest. You have a purpose, my friend. Just reading the hundreds of posts assured me you still have a huge purpose on this earth.
I am stage four breast cancer with a CT coming up. I am scared. I am tired. I am worried. But you are in my heart and prayers and will remain there.

Kate Sullivan

Sent by K. Sullivan | 6:55 PM | 6-9-2008

I'm just so saddened Leroy, tears, well up in my eyes. I just can't believe it. Oh God, I wish this were not the truth: that the disease has exploded. I love you Leroy, even though we have never met. I know I love you. I wish that would just take care of everything. It seems sorely inadequate for the situation at hand. But we: you, your family and all of us here must keep fighting this with you for as long as possible. We are with you in solidarity, love and prayers for whatever the future holds. This just really, really is not fair. But that's the way of things. Know that I am with you for this fight. -Graham from Sag Harbor.

Sent by Graham G. Hawks | 6:57 PM | 6-9-2008

Leroy,
Cancer just sucks....I will continue to pray for you...I wish you and Laurie much strength in the coming months...and you have an army of beloved friends ready to help you in any way we can...
We stand by you my friend!

Sent by Laurie Hirth | 7:13 PM | 6-9-2008

Good Afternoon Leroy,
Today's blog was hard to read and I truly wish it said something else. I know you are tired and very disappointed in the news. Please know that all of us are your strength and are here for you to lean on. Our thoughts, prayers, karma and all else is with you. We love you and Laurie and will do anything to help get you and Laurie through this. God Bless and keep you both.

Sent by Teresa in WV | 7:20 PM | 6-9-2008

Dear Leroy,
I'm so sorry to hear this news my friend!! Please hang on - we're with you - we care! We care, Leroy!! Damn!! just damn...

Sent by Linda Lee | 7:26 PM | 6-9-2008

I greatly admire your will to continue battling. Thank you for this example that you have shared with us.

Sent by John | 7:29 PM | 6-9-2008

You are an incredible anchor to so many.....you have given so much of yourself! Please know that you and Laurie have your own multitude from around the world supporting your fight....Go Leroy!!!

Sent by Janet | 7:38 PM | 6-9-2008

Prayers are with you, all bad news knocks the wind out but remember so many in this world and the other are with you.

Sent by Marian | 7:48 PM | 6-9-2008

I check in every day to see how you're doing and I was horrified by what you said is happening. It sounds like a "hostile takeover" and I am sad and angry about it for you. I am reminded of a saying I heard once - - something like "In the depths of winter I learned that within me there lay an invincible summer." And, pardon me for quoting everyone else but myself: Eleanor Roosevelt: "You must do the thing which you think you cannot do." You are in my thoughts every day.

Sent by P Sut | 7:48 PM | 6-9-2008

My heart goes out to you and Laurie today.

Godspeed.

Sent by Linda~~ Cleveland Ohio | 7:49 PM | 6-9-2008

I am so sorry. One day at a time dear Leroy. Live each day to the fullest and leave the rest in God's hands. i wish you peace. Know that you have brought so much light and friendship to so many of us. You have been a source of great inspiration to all of us in the cancer world both the cancer patient and the caregivers. Thank you Leroy. My prayers are with you. Give a good fight to the end. Keep up your spirit that is more important. Be at peace and keep smiling.

Sent by Christine | 8:02 PM | 6-9-2008

Leroy and Laurie,
My heart is aching for you. There is only so much fight in us, then we go numb, and it all seems so unfair.
You help so many people....wish we could help you.
Jane

Sent by Jane | 8:05 PM | 6-9-2008

My heart hurts. My head is in a daze. But my faith in you has never been stronger.I wish you strength and peace.

Sent by Penny Coeur d'Alene, Idaho | 8:06 PM | 6-9-2008

Leroy,

I have been reading your blog for a year and a half now. That is when I caught a post on NPR and finally looked up the blog. I spent a few days reading your previous posts to catch up to "current day" at that time. I went through plenty of Kleenex reading back then. Why? I was Dx with melanoma then and needed to listen to someone else's story for a while to help me through mine. Your posts have started my day off since then and have seen me through many rounds of chemo over these past 18 months. I had a scan last week as well and am waiting for results. I opened my email this morning expecting to have heard from my doc. Instead, I saw your post. CR@P! was about the only thing printable that I said. Tears streamed down my face as I read your post and at the comments posted. Sadness for what these results may mean. Great joy for the love and support you have here on this blog.

I hope you understand how powerful and important your blog has been. Reminding people that cancer sucks, but life does go on and needs to be lived has been so wonderful. We need to live these days, whether we beat away this cr@ppy thing called cancer, or whether it eventually takes us. We CAN have cancer and still live, we must live.

Please always remember and don't ever forget---you have made an impression on this Earth. You have touched many, many, many people's lives. Do not forget this fact.

Thank you for being you and posting such important words over these years. You are in our thoughts and prayers.

hugz

Sent by Trish in Calif. | 8:06 PM | 6-9-2008

Leroy, I have been reading your blog and keeping up with you since I saw you with Ted on t.v. I was diagnosed with sarcoma cancer 8 years ago and know what a kick in the gut it is to hear that you have cancer. My prayers have been with you and are with you now. This is my first time to post you, but read your blog everyday. Keep your spirit and your faith. I am sick for you.
Connie, Okla. City.

Sent by Connie Connell | 8:13 PM | 6-9-2008

Cancer STINKS!

I am so sorry to hear about this. I know you have been strong for a long time, but please see if you have the strength to keep hanging on.

Sent by Susan Saoui | 8:14 PM | 6-9-2008

Sending you a big hug, another dose of courage and some hope.

Sent by Diane | 8:14 PM | 6-9-2008

Dear Leroy and Laurie,
I hate to hear this news! I'm thinking of you, and admire you so much for your great courage and generosity. Stay strong!
Love,
Katy Kitchens

Sent by Katy Trotter Kitchens | 8:17 PM | 6-9-2008

Dear Leroy,
This news sucks big time but we're all with you, praying for you and your family.

Sent by Susan | 8:19 PM | 6-9-2008

Leroy,
I am so sorry your disease is progressing. Obviously the beast doesn't realize who it is dealing with!!! We are all here with you - praying for you. Keep fighting!

Sent by Nancy Owen | 8:23 PM | 6-9-2008

Leroy,
Words cannot adequately express my sorrow about such devastating news. Your thoughtful words have been such an insight for me as I tried to better understand the battle my mother was fighting, and ultimately lost, with colon cancer. My heart goes out to you and your family during this difficult time.

Sent by Lori | 8:24 PM | 6-9-2008

I have been inspired and educated by your posts for a long time - I so wish that today had brought you better news. Many thanks, good karma, peaceful thoughts, and sincere prayers to you and Laurie.

Sent by Kathie | 8:27 PM | 6-9-2008

You and Laurie are in my prayers.

Sent by Sherri Beadles | 8:33 PM | 6-9-2008

My heart goes out to you and your family. You have been such an inspiration to so many who have been touched by cancer. All those who you have inspired are here for you now and always. I wish you strength and peace. Sending a big hug.

Sent by MH | 8:49 PM | 6-9-2008

I am so very sorry to hear of this latest development, Leroy. I have been reading your blogs since February of last year, when I learned I had non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma. You have given me so much hope and encouragement -- through your strength, courage, and right to the heart writing -- that it is impossible to express my gratitude to you.

I can only say what you already know: cancer sucks big time.

I can only hope and pray that God will give you the strength to carry on, for as long as you can, and to fight this beast -- because that is exactly what it is, a monster.

You are in my heart and prayers, always.

Sent by John Brady | 8:55 PM | 6-9-2008

Leroy,

I am so sorry you had to hear yet again more bad stuff. I wish I had perfect words to take your sorrow and worry away as I feel that even tho we have never met you are a friend. I am truly grateful that you have shared so much of yourself with all of us. I hope I will never need this information but as a breast cancer survivor who has a brother with leukemia I am afraid that I am not leaving cancer world anytime soon. I know your heart will tell you what is best for you after you know all the options. You never know when the next pill or shot or surgery or radiation, new lovely poison or beam from mars will be the cure so hang in.

Sent by Cindee | 8:57 PM | 6-9-2008

My words are inadequate. Just know how much I care.

Judith

Sent by Judith Newkirk | 9:02 PM | 6-9-2008

Dear Leroy,

I am so sorry for your news. Another first time poster here. My husband has esophageal cancer, had radiation, 3 rounds of chemo and surgery in 2007. I found your blog last summer and read it every day. You are such a comfort to me. I wish I had the words to comfort you. Please know you are helping countless people with your honesty and fighting spirit. Sending you much love and healing prayers.

Sent by barbara j | 9:05 PM | 6-9-2008

Thank you so much for your blog - I look forward to your posts every day. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Keep on fighting.

Sent by Laurie | 9:09 PM | 6-9-2008

Dear Leroy,
I just finally got home and saw this. I'm so sad. You've been through so much. What rotten, awful news. I hope they can do something about the tumors. You had said chemo was not an option for you...is that still the case? I hope that whatever road you take it will give you more precious time. You are like a friend to me. Keep on fighting!

Sent by Alycia Keating | 9:09 PM | 6-9-2008

Dear Leroy,
The most that any of us can hope to achieve in this short life is to live well, die well, and leave something worthwhile behind. I think you know that you've done the first in your professional life. I don't think anyone could argue that you aren't "dying well" these past 30 months--yet who's to mark the point when living and dying overlap? As for leaving something behind, well, Leroy, there's this blog. There was the documentary, and then this blog, and whatever else you and Ted and Company have in mind. There's never been anyone like you, Leroy. Your life has mattered, for so many of us. You've sh own us how to be with cancer, with our doctors, with our friends, with complete strangers and with other cancer patients. You've shown us how to fight, when to fight, and when to fall back and reconnoiter. When the time comes, you'll tell us how to know it; and then you'll show us how to go home. Mazeltov!

Sent by Marion | 9:16 PM | 6-9-2008

Hi Leroy and Laurie, I've never posted to your blog, but I read it every morning like so many others. I'm thinking of you. I'm so sorry for this latest sad news. Stay strong. Know others are keeping you in daily thought.

Sent by Patty in Seattle | 9:21 PM | 6-9-2008

You are amazing. And I am so very, very sorry. I seldom write, but read your blog daily. You have shown me how to live with cancer. Thanks for your courage, your compassion, and your humor.
Wishing you love, grace, and serenity.

Sent by Jeanmarie in Blacksburg, VA | 9:21 PM | 6-9-2008

oh leroy. what can i say. i am speechless. how you kept yourself together in order to write this blog, i don't know. it speaks to your strength, i believe.
i'm sending you love, as i always do.

Sent by someone in canada | 9:25 PM | 6-9-2008

I'm a first-time poster, also, but wanted to join with everyone else and send you love, and prayers for strength ... whether it be strength to fight or strength to accept. We are with you along this path, whichever way you decide to go. Through your journey and the sharing of it, we have come to love you -- how awesome is that? Could you have imagined it when you wrote, that first day? I hope the warmth and good wishes from all your friends out here brings you some comfort ...

Sent by Carlie | 9:26 PM | 6-9-2008

You're not alone Leroy. It's obvious there are a whole lot of people who care about you and check in every day to feel like they're not alone. This news sucks. I feel a collective heartbreak in the "cancer" community. We're here for you.
TJ

Sent by Tannis Brown | 9:29 PM | 6-9-2008

Leroy and Laurie,

Perhaps you already have this: but if not, do you need a dog to hug/hold/have nearby for a little while? Just for a visit, for as little or as long as you wanted? My dog Cody seems very empathic when I'm having a hard time, and it comforts/soothes me -- let me know if that would be of any help. I don't mean to be intrusive at all. You might not even like dogs... and that's okay. Just wanting to offer something.
My email is kblankenship5@verizon.net and I live in the Silver Spring area of MD.

Just wishing I could help in some way.
Caring a lot.

Sincerely,
Kim

Sent by Kim Blankenship | 9:32 PM | 6-9-2008

Peace and prayers-you have made a difference.Thank-you....be together with Laurie-prayers to her.

Sent by sue | 9:45 PM | 6-9-2008

You are in my thoughts and heart. I send you strength. Thank you for sharing your journey with us, the good, the bad and the ugly.

Sent by Sandy Fisher | 9:52 PM | 6-9-2008

@%!# this damn disease.My hert hurts for you. You are loved by all of us....remember we are with you...all of us in it together. What happens to you, happens to us all.
we love you Leroy.
Liz Zimmerman

Sent by liz Zimmerman | 10:06 PM | 6-9-2008

What Cancer Cannot Do......it cannot invade the soul, suppress memories, kill friendship, destroy peace, conquer the spirit, shatter hope, cripple love, corrode faith, steal eternal life, silence courage."

I by no means can take credit for this phrase.......But, this is what the cancer could not do to my cousin Jennifer who died from breast cancer at 38 years old.

My hope and prayers to you.

Sent by Rose Mary Opre | 10:13 PM | 6-9-2008

I am so sorry to hear this news...... Please let Leroy know that he most certainly is in our prayers...... illness is just so horrible.....

those who have not been touched by it, well, they really just don't know....

we are praying for comfort, strength, and a miracle....Godspeed

Lin

Sent by Lin ~~~ Mt Vernon, Ohio | 10:17 PM | 6-9-2008

Leroy,
So sorry that you have to go through all of this. You are so brave to go on ahead again and BLOG about these difficult words that you've been told. Again leading us with your strength and determination. We all thank you, again, quietly knowing that many of us face the same bad scan days ahead in our lown lives. You keep this real.
We're praying for you.

Sent by Deb | 10:21 PM | 6-9-2008

"Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. And today? Today is a gift. That's why we call it the present." ~Babatunde Olatunji
You are a gift to so many people, Leroy. Thank you for being so strong.

This quote is included in the new movie Kung Fu Panda that I saw with my kids yesterday--this quote reminded me of many cancer-related prayers that i read when my mom was struggling with pancreatic cancer. for some reason, the line from the movie just sunk right in. i will keep you in my prayers

Sent by crow | 10:23 PM | 6-9-2008

May the force be with you and Laurie. May the force be with you. Whatever decision you make, your community is behind you with love and caring. we are in this together. God Speed LeRoy.

Sent by Kathy B | 10:29 PM | 6-9-2008

Leroy - I have been reading your blog ever since I saw the special that you did in the town hall meeting hosted by Ted Koppel. Having lost my mom 1 1/2 years ago to pancreatic cancer, I watched your show with sadness, pride, anger and above all hope. I am so saddened to hear about your latest diagnosis. This awful, terrible, devastating disease. Please know that my thoughts and prayers are here with you in Chicago.

Sent by Jennifer Seuring | 10:38 PM | 6-9-2008

Just saw the bad news, I'm so sorry to hear it crept up on you like that. Courage, hope, peace.

Linda

Sent by Linda | 10:45 PM | 6-9-2008

It hit me like a punch. I'm sorry. I'll be praying for you.

Sent by Nina | 10:52 PM | 6-9-2008

Leroy-

I lost my husband in September to colon cancer. I saw so saddened to read your post today - perhaps because you've become my poster boy for fighting advanced stage cancer.

You do still have fight in you. You're still writing the blog, and that's a sign that you're still a sturdy opponent. You'll know when the time is right to stop treatment. But as I'm sure they keep telling you - keep going. If only for one more day. You never know when the cure is coming. You never know what they'll pull out of their bag of tricks next.

Cancer can never beat a lively soul - I believe that my husband's spirit lives on to this day, and that although he decided to stop treatment, the cancer never really beat us. You have a lively soul - you are loved deeply and you love others deeply. No matter what happens with the cancer, you have life experiences that cancer will never be able to erase. And you never know - there are people who have beaten it when all odds are against them.

Just try to go on for another day - one day at a time is the best way to approach it. You're doing the right things for yourself. Your spirit will prevail, regardless of whether or not the cancer spreads.

My best wishes to you-

Sent by Kate | 10:53 PM | 6-9-2008

Leroy, I love the sound of your voice, you have a wonderful way of expressing -thank you for letting us hear you.

Sent by Ann R. | 11:03 PM | 6-9-2008

As long as you have some fight in you, you should keep fighting. Each day is a victory for you and a humiliation for your enemy, an enemy that deserves every blow you can give it.

Thank you for so selflessly sharing this experience with the public. You are making cancer less mysterious with each post.

Sent by Nancy in Georgia | 11:34 PM | 6-9-2008

Dearest Leroy,

So many of us are pulling for you. You are in my thoughts and prayers many times a day. May you find moments of peace throughout this nightmare.

And, I thank you yet again for allowing us to peek inside your world and to learn so many valuable lessons from you. You are one of my few heroes--an absolute inspiration! Thank you, Leroy! Love to you, Laurie, and those closest to you.

Sent by Anne Moser | 11:35 PM | 6-9-2008

Oh Leroy and Laurie: I'm also facing the final stages of cancer. I thought it would be a relief when my body could not take anymore treatment. At last some quailty time maybe. Some peace. Instead I'm angry and sad. Ihope you can find peace. I think of you many times each day. I thank you for this blog. It has helped me through many a sad days.

Sent by diana kc | 11:36 PM | 6-9-2008

Dear Leroy,
I am so very sorry you are facing more of what we know is the fight of a lifetime. It comes when we are least ready, but we rise again to take up the battle. My prayers are with you and your family!

Sent by jmbarker | 11:55 PM | 6-9-2008

I was so sorry to read the news in your post today. Thank you for all you do to bring hope and comfort to all of us with your writing, even as you fight this difficult fight. I'll be thinking of you and your family.

Sent by Rose | 12:13 AM | 6-10-2008

Leroy, Words can not convey what most of us feel with this news. Please know that we your fans are still here and will continue to be even though it may be through cyberspace. We can still hold you and Laurie close in our thoughts and prayers at this difficult time.

Janie

Sent by Janie | 12:18 AM | 6-10-2008

I read and reread your entry today, hoping for different news.
And yet...the news stays the same and your firm voice resonates. You will fight on.

I have told you about a student who has been fighting the Beast for eight of her ten years. When she faced a whole new cancer--sarcoma--her oncologist and family felt hopeless. Her doctor said, "You have been fighting for a long time. It's okay to stop fighting."

She, in her nine year old voice said, "I think I can fight one more time."

She did.
She is in remission after a hell of a battle and this week, she is in camp for kids with cancer. She has dyed her new hair purple in defiance.

You sound tired and defiant.

Battle on, Leroy.

Sent by Robin Smith | 12:25 AM | 6-10-2008

Yugh! Delurking to say, ouch! What tough news! My husband just decided to do the Livestrong Challenge ride two days ago, and has already raised over $1,400. Cancer is such a crappy disease! I'm so proud that he is doing his part, however small to help fight this scourge! I wish you peace Leroy.

Sent by rdakin | 1:07 AM | 6-10-2008

Leroy and Laurie, I will keep you both in my prayers, asking for strength for you both in makeing decisions regarding your care. Many hearts are with you both.

Sent by dorothy in oregon | 1:29 AM | 6-10-2008

I am so very sorry to hear your news. You and Laurie remain in my prayers as you make these tough decisions.

I echo Al Cato's words ... I will keep the tiny light of HOPE burning in my heart.

Sent by Dianne in Nevada | 1:33 AM | 6-10-2008

So sorry to hear this news. I hope you know how many people are thinking of you and are praying for you and are touched by reading your blog.

Sent by Alice | 1:55 AM | 6-10-2008

Dear Leroy:

Words fail me. And i am sure that the 348 people who posted before me have said all that i could possibly have said, and better than i could have said it.

I am holding you and Laurie in my thoughts. I want for you only what you know is best for you and your family. Don't let anyone tell you what to do or how to react. Follow your heart.

Sent by Suzanne Mitchell | 2:14 AM | 6-10-2008

Dear Leroy, you have become VERY dear to me as I have been following your blog each day since I saw your story on TV. I have never posted before (as I have seen so many others say also today) but today just seemed like the time to do that. This blog is such a blessing to so many as evidenced by the many kind responses of your admirers. Some of which are directed to you and some to each other. You are a wonderfully kind and generous person to have reached out and connected with all of us for so long. I hope you feel our love surrounding you and Laurie today. Our hearts are heavy as we go through this journey with you.

Peace and love.

Sent by Bonnie | 2:57 AM | 6-10-2008

Leroy, I've followed your blog for months and months and have mentioned you on my own blog because I identify with so many of your sentiments you express through your beautiful words. I don't have cancer. I have cystic fibrosis and have been waiting for a lung transplant for two years. I don't have advice, nor I'm sure, words that comfort, only that I wasn't, or ever will be, prepared to hear bad news when it comes to you. You have my best wishes-

Sent by Sara D. | 3:20 AM | 6-10-2008

I hope that you manage to deal with the inevitable & that your last days are amongst your best. I am truly sorry.

Sent by Tim Warren | 4:04 AM | 6-10-2008

Dear leroy and laurie
What horrible news.
may you gleen some support and strength from this community. My very best wishes to you and all you love
JJ

Sent by JJ | 5:27 AM | 6-10-2008

May god bless you through this sad news and give you strength to go on. You are surrounded by so much love and positive karma.

Sent by sent by Liz | 6:02 AM | 6-10-2008

I'm so sorry to hear this awful news. I just lost my brother-in-law a week ago to this terrible disease. He gave a good 6 month fight, but it won in the end. Thankfully, I'm a 4 year breast cancer survivor.
You've been a great inspiration to all of us! Sending many prayers your way!
Healing thoughts.

Sent by Sondra N. | 6:22 AM | 6-10-2008

I'm so sorry. Even though we all suspected this day was coming it doesn't make it any easier.

Sent by crawford | 7:16 AM | 6-10-2008

I know this must be especially difficult news when know you've done all the right stuff to treat it. You've endured all the chemo, the radiation, the surgery, the scans and tests and still, there's more.

I second what Kate said...There are people who have beaten it when all odds are against them. Lance Armstrong for example.

I say, keep fighting. I know that's easier said than done, especially when you HAVE been fighting for a long, long time. Take one more day at a time. Tomorrow may be the day they find the drug that zaps this terrible beast.

Hang in there, Leroy. We'll be right there with you.

Sent by Linnea | 7:17 AM | 6-10-2008

Your post took my breath away. I am so very sorry to read that it's spread. May you and Laurie in the days to come both feel some of the love from those of us who read your blog daily.
Rocco
Stage IV Melanoma

Sent by Pat | 7:33 AM | 6-10-2008

Leroy, my thoughts are with you and I type this with a huge lump in my throat. I am fighting back tears of anger at this cancer. Please do your best to be strong and know that you are not alone.

Take care,
Lisa

Sent by Lisa | 9:27 AM | 6-10-2008

Hi Leroy,

I'm terribly upset by your scan results. But, I am glad to hear you "still have some fight in you". I'm sure you will get a plan in place and start to make progress against the cancer.

I am hopeful for good news, soon.

Sent by Marcy in NJ | 9:51 AM | 6-10-2008

I don't know how you do it. You are an inspiration to all of us. Peace to you.

Sent by Ruth White | 11:42 AM | 6-10-2008

The news is really tough and the kind you don't ever want. Hugs to you in this extremely difficult time.

Sent by Gay | 12:56 PM | 6-10-2008

Leroy,

I know this is the strangest thing to say, but you have become a part of my daily life even though we have never met. Words can't express how badly I feel for you right now. Know that you and Laurie are in my thoughts and prayers.

Sent by roni | 1:41 PM | 6-10-2008

Dear Leroy,

I haven't posted in a while, but I always check on you.

damn cancer!! I hate this disease for all of the suffering that it causes.

You are such a good man with a big heart. What you have done by sharing this blog has been so helpful to so many.

If love could cure you, you would be well by now.

Sending my love and strength to you and to those that you love.

peace,

susan
california

Sent by susan | 1:58 PM | 6-10-2008

Darn! Every person needs to respond to news like that in their own way. Do what is right for you.

Please remember how many of us you have helped with this blog. We are pulling for you.

Sent by Steve | 5:05 PM | 6-10-2008

Heartbreaking news, Leroy. I pray that you will make the decisions that are best for you-we are here with you in spirit. Is there anything this group of bloggers can do for you??
Much love to you and to Laurie. My prayers are with you daily.

Sent by Jen | 7:26 PM | 6-10-2008

I am sorry to hear of your bad news. Please know we all behind you. F*** cancer. I will say extra prayers for you tonite. I dont know if this helps but every time me and my mother have had bad news and setbacks we have a good drink of Jamesons. I hope it can bring some you the same good luck it brought to us.

Sent by vince | 8:06 PM | 6-10-2008

I am so very honoured to "know" you and your wife.I hope it helps you in some small way to know how much you are giving to all of us by allowing us to share your journey. I am so sorry for this news. May God hold you both in His hand.

Sent by Syndi Holmes | 8:41 PM | 6-10-2008

I am praying for good health and comfort for you and your family. Your successes are immense! Thank you for all that you do for this community you created.

Sent by margie | 9:13 PM | 6-10-2008

I am sooooo sad today after reading your blog. I am sorry for all that you have been through, how you have fought for life...fought so hard. I also have CC. I have like you been taking different approaches as new areas get infected with this devil!!
I do talk to myself every day especially when I am really having a rough time like you are...I tell myself that Heaven is our salvation, our eternal happy for ever--no pain--and to meet God! Oh my, at times I am really excited about that. Not that I do not want to continue to live as I have a wonderful husband of 36 years and 2 great sons...but when Iv had enough I want to remember that the best is yet to come...

Sent by sue | 9:34 PM | 6-10-2008

Leroy-when my mother was diagnosed with and battling cancer, i got two pieces of advice and comfort from my nurse colleagues. The first was simply that we would have peace no matter what happened. The second was to keep making memories with my Mom no matter what happened. I value those memories and the peace that we did feel during her fight and surrender. It did not feel like a failure, it was not about winning or losing, it was simply about another part of a life well lived. Peace be with you

Sent by JVP | 12:13 AM | 6-11-2008

Leroy, you have given so many people so much - you can never know how much you will always be giving. God bless you as you manuever the many potholes of this road we are all on. You are definitely the man! Thank you, always.

Sent by Lucy | 2:26 AM | 6-11-2008

All I can say through my tears is that if the disease has indeed "exploded" then so have our prayers and support for you both! We love you both and continue to pray everyday. And thanks for showing us every day how to be a real hero in a very tough world. Teri & Jay & family.

Sent by Dr. Teri La Monica | 2:03 PM | 6-11-2008

Leroy you still carry a soft heart. There is an eastern belief that when horrific difficulties arise you can harden to it and the fear, or keep your heart open and soft--that's what you've done. Please be good to yourself and Laurie. Healing thoughts & prayers to you both.

Sent by Teresa | 5:21 PM | 6-11-2008

Leroy: I've been MIA as I told you studying for my exam and am just catching up on your blog. I am saddened by the recent scan... I hope you are not in pain right now.... hugs and prayers, Krupali

Sent by krupali tejura | 12:52 AM | 6-12-2008

Leroy: I've been MIA as I told you studying for my exam and am just catching up on your blog. I am saddened by the recent scan... I hope you are not in pain right now.... hugs and prayers, Krupali

Sent by krupali tejura | 12:53 AM | 6-12-2008

Leroy: I am saddened by your recent bad news. You have given so much comfort, hope and information to those of us affected with cancer as you have told the story of your battle with the beast. You truly are a hero. Hugs and prayers to Angels for you. Fran

Sent by Fran | 7:45 PM | 6-12-2008

thank you for your honesty and insight over the past few years leroy. you are helping so many people understand.

Sent by bethany sumners | 1:15 AM | 6-13-2008

leroy;the most important preparation that you can make is with GOD.all you need to do is come to HIM with a broken heart and a contrite spirit and ask him for forgiveness of any and all sins in your life.
HE will take you as a child and see you through whatever lies ahead.HE will carry you home to heaven when you depart this painfull world..I AM 7 YEARS OUT FROM TREATMENT FOR SMALLCELL LUNG CANCER AND THE ONLY REAL PEACE I FOUND WAS IN CHRIST MY SAVIOR!!

Sent by KENNETH R. MCPEEK | 5:32 AM | 6-13-2008

I am crying while I write this because for these two and a half long years, I have been caring for my sister in her fight with cancer as well. You've given me some perspective and showed me that the fight is not just the fight of the person attacked by cancer, but also the families that must survive this time while watching the ones they love suffer such an atrocity.
I can't believe this has happened and I am truly sorry. Saddened, maddened, and just at a loss of words to express my feelings about what has happened to you.
Cancer does suck!

Sent by Julie | 2:54 PM | 6-20-2008

I haven't been reading this in a while, and just got caught up. I'll say a prayer for you tonight at our religious services.

Sent by sandy | 2:23 PM | 8-7-2008

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