Constant headaches from stress. Harmless though often hurtful moodiness, affecting our mates.
So much to deal with. I think we are all strong! We may not believe we are/or it doesn't seem that way. But we infinitely are.
Cancer has put us into a unique world. It may have backed us into a corner, but we continue to squiggle and squirm, and we aren't finished doing that yet. Maybe cancer will do that to the end. Yet we can go out smiling, content...wouldn't that be the ultimate victory for us over cancer. Death be not proud!
Prayers,
Wanda Amorose

Sent by Wanda Amorose | 7:32 AM ET | 06-17-2008

Very telling post today. My 38-year old friend is in the hospital after having a stress-provoked (mild) heart attack on Friday. She lost both a sister (to cancer) and her Dad in the past few months and has 4 school-aged kids.

It was a reminder to me to let go of any stress I can and to take walks or breaks when possible. Don't let stress eat away at you.

Breathe. Breathe. Breathe! It won't take away your cancer, but it may lower your blood pressure when the stress gets too much.

Sent by Liz L. | 7:34 AM ET | 06-17-2008

Yes it is a hard road. I'm really not in that constant stress with no breaks place (yet?). Right now, it seems life is giving me some breaks here and there.

But even so, cancer has left a constant source of stress in my life most people my age don't deal with. Just going for a check up with any of the many doctors I see periodically is a source of stress it will never be to someone who hasn't had a diagnosis of cancer (in my case two separate diagnoses) in their past.

I think you're right that the only thing to do is acknowledge that it's there and try to snatch juiciest moments we have away from that vice.

Sent by N.R. | 7:50 AM ET | 06-17-2008

Nicely put...it truly just never stops, even when things are going "well." It's always there, in the background.

That's the most tiring thing, that constant low-level stress.

Sent by Bruce | 7:50 AM ET | 06-17-2008

Leroy:
That short break that you speak of seems to come to some of us when we accept the situation, the situation that IS:
David's Choice

Six of us sat in a circle
Talking about David, with David.

Too much radiation, more and more chemo,
Which way to go, what to do next?

Ours to advise and support,
His the decision to make.

Continue chemo? Open Wound Clinic?
Any new treatments to try?

And then with a thunderclap of clarity,
Came a quiet whisper of wisdom!

It's all right David,
It's all right to let go!

David fought Cancer for years, he was our hero, a model for the strength and perseverance that we all wanted and hoped for ourselves.
That day, the day David decided to stop all treatments, to accept the situation, was the day I saw him take a deep breath, a breath of relief.
Did his stress come back? Probably. But at that moment in time there seemed to be no stress, no uncertainty. A decision had been made.
I don't know what is best for you, Leroy, in this moment of time. I just hope that you get your break, your recess. Namaste, my friend.
Don

Sent by don winslow | 7:51 AM ET | 06-17-2008

Dearest Leroy,

You know, the stress is REAL; obviously, but it does not help anything, unfortunately or not unfortunately, you are doing all that you can do. We all care so much about you and that something wonderful would happen as a very pleasant surprise!! Please take care of you and let Laurie and you enjoy the days that are here!
Much love, Jan

Sent by janice goldberg white | 8:00 AM ET | 06-17-2008

All,
A very dear friend of mine passed last night after a year long battle with stage 4 lung cancer. Kay fought hard. Hospice was wonderful to her. Please keep her and her family in your prayers.
Elaine, I would like to add my condolences, I feel your pain and I will pray you can find some peace.
Stress, wow, you hit that on the head!
I now worry about my financial situation. Whether or not I can buy the home from the daughter. Its a hard road I am now traveling alone. Cancer has taken so much from me, but it cannot take my memories or my future. I will fight with all of you and together we can make this road we travel and the burden we carry just a little lighter.

Sent by Laurie Hirth | 8:00 AM ET | 06-17-2008

Leroy - I don't know if you have one but have you considered a pet? When I was going through treatment (Stage 3B inflammatory breast cancer)my beautiful, stoic cat absorbed much of my stress. She would sit on my lap and just petting her lowered my anxiety level. She is gone now, but we have a new crazy kitty that makes me laugh out loud several times a day. What's better than that?

Sent by Ellen Macaulay | 8:02 AM ET | 06-17-2008

Oh Leroy, my eyes welled up reading your post today.
I feel that vise too, the pressure from which there is no relief. Logically I know I didn't cause my cancer, but I feel guilty having been the one to bring the beast into our home, very stressful, the vise tightening when I think about it. People who knew us "before" speaking as if life "before" is just around the corner, when we know that around the corner is just another manifestation of the beast that is cancer. If the physical trauma doesn't get to you then the psychological pain just kicks in, it's insidious.
There is no "living without it" anymore. There is living in spite of it, and that is a heavy burden. I feel that enormous pressure like you. My husband lifts it for me when I am too weak as I am sure Laurie does for you.
I hope today we may all help you a bit in relieving the pressure.
I'm with you friend.

Sent by Debra (the fighting Irish) in New Hampshire | 8:06 AM ET | 06-17-2008

My grandfather always said that work didn't make you tired, stress made you tired. You said it!

Hoping for some stress free moments.

Lori

Sent by Lori | 8:13 AM ET | 06-17-2008

It is a rough road and we all see the stress that is shared with everyone in our life. I try to think of it (stress) as a breeze felt only when spring or fall is coming. That change of season feeling is in the air. Wait a few minutes, it goes away and that rough feeling leaves. Then a little normalcy comes in the door. Hope this works. Have a wonderful day.

Sent by anne lumberger | 8:29 AM ET | 06-17-2008

Leroy, I agree and it is a hard road. And yes, it is hard for caregivers and family as well but I am sure that the individual dealing with the cancer situation is in a very difficult situation to handle. My husband who had always been so busy found it difficult to just sit and be idle and wait as the time went on and the energy level dropped. The last couple of months he said he needed something to keep his hands busy and found that he could sit and draw or color pictures. I felt this also was to try to keep his mind on something light and to try in his way to deal with what was going on in the mind. I continue to pray for you Leroy, for strength and peace inside and copeing, also for Laurie too. Yes, we are all walking with you if that helps. My husband is gone now but I still pray for that same help with copeing for me and others dealing with this situation.

Elaine, I am so sorry for your loss. We will all keep you in our prayers. One step at a time.

Sent by dorothy in oregon | 8:31 AM ET | 06-17-2008

i remember diane sawyer asking the wife of professor randy pausch who is dying of cancer, how does she cope. She said her counsellor gave her a simple mantra to say whenever the stress and dark thoughts start to take over. She taught herself to say "Not Helpful." It seems like such an easy trick and its been helping me loosen the grip of that vise.

Sent by jean | 8:33 AM ET | 06-17-2008

Mornin' Leroy~ This morning's commentery made me realize that all this anger and rage I feel constanly, is STRESS. Haven't thought of it that way but only yesterday I remarked to my husband that I feel angry and want to "strike out" at someone but don't know WHO? Is that really stress? I am not nice to be with because of it and I know it. The anger and frustration seems to come from my wanting to "feel like my ole self again". I desperately want to paint and just create. But I am uninspired and a little voice asks, "What for? You have a home full of paintings now and a closet full of left over paintings, art supplies, etc"
My hand shakes even when I try to write a check or pay the bills. I drop everything cannot do my beloved baking anymore because my back will not allow me to stand or bend anymore, and my loss of vision causes me to see only what is only in the middle of the counter and all to the left, particulary, is lost causing me to misplace or drop stuff. So, I just have given up. The sun hurts my eyes and is no good for the skin cancer, so I just sit and try to read the paper or do puzzles. Am I stressed, I guess so. No, it is not the Cancer which lurks around the body, but the losses I endured when I had the "little stroke" a year ago April. My husband has his own health issues but still is magnificant and patient with a wife who is only a shadow of what he married 60 years ago. YEt,I am SO grateful that we still have each other and dread the thought of one of us leaving the other behind. Yes indeed, I too am stressed!

Sent by J C R | 8:40 AM ET | 06-17-2008

Leroy,
You may have hit on something. I get immobilized by stress. Things I know I should be doing do not get done. I cannot even finish this note. Peace and all good.

Sent by Robert G | 8:42 AM ET | 06-17-2008

Hi Leroy, the stress is over whelming, and your right on about the caregivers having to suffer the brunt of the stress, but thats the way it goes. Thats the way it is supposed to happen. Just be grateful you have someone who gives a hoot about you. You'll be okay Leroy, just have faith. Easy to say, difficult to acknowledge. Do you now have faith?

Sent by Donato S. | 8:44 AM ET | 06-17-2008

Anger for all parties is natural and I hope that there comes a day when we are all able to deal with it more effectively! To be a child again and to be sent to time out! Anger is healthy and know that you have many people here that totally understand you and that you are in our prayers! Good luck!

Sent by Ann Klein | 9:19 AM ET | 06-17-2008

We do, don't we. Just about the hardest road I've ever been on before. It feels real lonely alot and then most mornings there's your post, Leroy, and I'm reminded that we're walking the path together. Bless you, buddy! If I've got to do this stroll, I feel honored to be walking beside you.
Love and peace!

Sent by Anita Solomon | 9:24 AM ET | 06-17-2008

Leroy: Funny you should mention stress. I have that knot in my chest today. Since Laurie 's post "We live here. We don't sit and wait for death" I have found peace. I have had a great week and I thank her. My stress and fear is the finale. Not death, but pain I understand you cannot eat and my intestines will shut down causing pressure against the back?? (I'm not into pain) I have pain now, but not that kind. I guess it is a wait and see no one knows for sure? We do walk a hard road. Elaine so sorry about your husband. To die on Fathers Day how special is that. Hope you can feel my hug. Leroy I'm sending you a hug also.

Sent by diana kc | 9:25 AM ET | 06-17-2008

Leroy,
Maybe this would be a good time to go to Hawaii for a break.

My husband had always wanted to see the Rose Bowl Parade in person (he was a closet parade freak). I encouraged him to do it and we made our plans, not knowing if he'd be strong enough when the time came.

You know, we made it happen. We flew from Michigan to California, had oxygen waiting for him when we arrived (lung cancer with brain mets), had a nice visit with his aunt and cousin, and, best of all, we had great seats for the parade. And for that short time, we did let go of the stress.

Pat died that April, but for a few days in January we were just another couple on a short vacation. I'm so glad we did it.

Go for it and run away with Laurie.

Kathy B.

Sent by Kathy B. | 9:40 AM ET | 06-17-2008

Once again, you hit the nail on the head, Leroy! Because of the vise that is stress, Father's Day was not the wonderful day I hoped it would be. Mom got upset over something, and Dad (stage 4 small cell carcinoma) was arguing with my brother and me about a medication issue. He was weak and dizzy, though he was up walking around with us. He didn't feel good though, and he looked bad. Because of stress, the day was not the stuff good memories are made of, and there were no "Kodak moments" so I didn't take 'nary a picture of what could possibly my dear Daddy's last Father's Day.

Take care and God bless Leroy... Linda

Sent by Linda Lee | 9:40 AM ET | 06-17-2008

Leroy,

Sending some strength and love your way today & everyday.

Sent by Carol | 9:50 AM ET | 06-17-2008

I recall that several have suggested this before, for those that are able - yoga. I take classes that include guided relaxation and breathing. I began the classes with the intent to start rebuilding some strength. The mental benefits came as an added surprise. These days I am more conscious of the physical tension in parts of my body, and when I can relax them, the mental relaxation soon follows. For those who are unable to practice yoga, there are guided meditation CDs that I'm told are very good. Start the disk, get into a comfortable relaxing position, and go where it takes you. It always sounded a bit contrived to me in the BC past; but, now I'm willing to go with whatever works :-)

J C R, you have poured your heart out today, and we are here to help hold you up, too. One thing that is clear from all of your posts is what a truly beautiful woman you are!

Sent by Sheara | 9:58 AM ET | 06-17-2008

I recall that several have suggested this before, for those that are able - yoga. I take classes that include guided relaxation and breathing. I began the classes with the intent to start rebuilding some strength. The mental benefits came as an added surprise. These days I am more conscious of the physical tension in parts of my body, and when I can relax them, the mental relaxation soon follows. For those who are unable to practice yoga, there are guided meditation CDs that I'm told are very good. Start the disk, get into a comfortable relaxing position, and go where it takes you. It always sounded a bit contrived to me in the BC past; but, now I'm willing to go with whatever works :-)

J C R, you have poured your heart out today, and we are here to help hold you up, too. One thing that is clear from all of your posts is what a truly beautiful woman you are!

Sent by Sheara | 9:58 AM ET | 06-17-2008

Having Stage 4 lung cancer has reinforced my belief that the death penalty is "cruel and unusual" punishment. It's not the lethal injection that is so cruel, it's the waiting to die. I would not wish this stress on anyone-innocent or guilty.
To me, the stress we feel is a black hole that pulls us back in whenever we climb out, but we have to keep pulling ourselves out everyday so we can live our lives.

May we all have the strength to keep climbing out of the dark.

Sent by Sherri Beadles | 10:12 AM ET | 06-17-2008

Hi Leroy,
Your posting today I think expresses so well the feelings of how the horrible disease of cancer affects the person with the disease and everyone who has a love one with the disease.

So thank you so much for your words they are very comforting

I hope you are able at times to find peaceful moments.

Karen

Sent by Karen | 10:15 AM ET | 06-17-2008

Since we are all alive - not only do we have the stress of cancer but all the usual everyday stresses. I find my biggest stressor right now is trying to maintain a level of discipline/consistency for my 12 year old while I deal with treatments, appointments, scans. It's hard. There are days I want to just let her run wild and eat doritos in bed for breakfast.
There are days I don't feel up to making sure she does her homework. But I tell myself this is the most important work I am doing now - raising her to be a good and disciplined person.

Sent by Marcia | 10:17 AM ET | 06-17-2008

Mid-life obligations still rock my world and the knowledge that there are younger families, without much life experience, dealing with Stage IV is sobering. Perhaps clearing the road for each other relieves some of our own stress afflictions.

Hold Fast & always leave go that proverbial last straw.

Don MacLeod

Sent by Don MacLeod | 10:17 AM ET | 06-17-2008

Leroy and Laurie,
I recommend throwing a Laughter Party. Ask a smattering of friends and family over, include at least one person who laughs at anything or who once started can't stop laughing. Add A PRETTY GOOD JOKE BOOK 4th edition
by Garrison Keillor, or any other fave.

My family and I almost got thrown out of Duke's SICU over this! Not really, they thought it great medicine for my father who was recovering from a cancer induced lung surgery. And we all remember the amazing grace of a few minutes without anxiety, fear, or anger.
I hope you can create moments filled with the joys of being human. You both remain surrounded by hugs.

Sent by Kay from PA | 10:19 AM ET | 06-17-2008

Leroy, you are so right. Most of the time I feel I am walking on broken glass. Even those times that are happier, I can never forget the fact that David has aggressive stage 4 non-hodgkins lymphoma - in fact, I am afraid to feel too happy because I know that I will get slapped down. I try, but there is always a part of me that is afraid and tense, and sometimes angry. I take two of my three dogs to agility and rally classes and that is good for all of us. Sometimes David feels strong enough to come and watch and that is the best time for me. I try to treasure every moment.

Sent by Tina from Alton IL | 10:28 AM ET | 06-17-2008

I was just wondering what everyone's coping mechanisms were for stress??
I would be interested to learn more ways to help myself in this area.

???????????????????

Sent by JJ | 10:28 AM ET | 06-17-2008

Sometimes I get paralyzed with stress. My usual stress reliever, running, is not an option these days. I'm trying to find my new stress reliever because paralysis is not an option.

Sent by Lisa | 10:31 AM ET | 06-17-2008

Dearest Leroy,
Oddly enough, you clearly stated exactly what would help you with your stress relief. ("What would help would be some sort of break. A short recess that would allow everyone just to take a deep breath.") You've just described meditation. And it's as close as your most comfortable chair or bed. There are some wonderful breathing meditations or visualizations available on tape. Or a home hospice volunteer would be able to teach you.
It's been a successful stress reliever for thousands of years. You might consider it.

Sent by Mel Sebastiani | 10:37 AM ET | 06-17-2008

Thank you Sheara for picking up on me this morning. I didn't mean to come on quite so transparant. I feel naked. I try to be strong and not indulge in self pity buy Leory's plight really gets to me sometimes. He was 53 yesterday and that was the age I was when I was diagnosed with cancer and told that I probably had only 6 mos to 5 yrs to live. Here I am-25 yrs later! So I Have been fortunate! I am trying to deal with depression and not lean on the crutches of drugs, which the doctor' constantly push. However ~ ~
Thank you Sheara, you are kind.

Sent by J C R | 10:39 AM ET | 06-17-2008

Oh, Honey, it is a hard road. Not so much for me right now (last week's scans came back clear!) but I do know what you mean about the constant stress, even though you are at a far more difficult place on the path than I have yet experienced. Right now my stress is due more to the struggles of a loved one with mental illness/addiction. That never goes away either -- and also causes anger, fear, etc.. All I know to do is breathe, pray, and consciously focus on the beauties of nature. That doesn't remove the stress, but sometimes it eases it slightly. And another thing that has helped reduce my fear and anger is reading this blog every morning. Thank you.

Sent by Doris | 10:55 AM ET | 06-17-2008

Leroy, thanks for writing to me today. I am stressed to the bone and going in to yell at my oncologist for an apparent "gaffe" he made. Thank you for the reminder that he is under stress as well - working hard to juggle my treatments as well as my physical hurdles that go along with an impaired immune system.

I love that man - so I'll cut him a break. In the long run - it doesn't change anything.

Interesting that I got this lesson before I stuck my foot in my mouth.

Sent by Anita Apodaca | 11:02 AM ET | 06-17-2008

Most hospice programs have respite care for the family or caregiver. It might require the patient to go to one of their inpatient/or free standing facilities...But it allows them to reset the clock. Some even have bereavement counselors & MSW available.
In the mean time you are sure the patient is getting excellent care & the care providers get a much deserved break.

Sent by Cherie Brown, Tucson | 11:07 AM ET | 06-17-2008

Just yesterday my Dr. told me to reduce the stress in my life...a flight to an island sounds like what Mr. Bush's rebate check is meant to buy.

Getting "away", even if just a ride to get ice cream, is my response to stress.

Peggy

Sent by Peggy | 11:10 AM ET | 06-17-2008

Good Morning Leroy, I just wanted to send you my love today and let you know that I woke up thinking of you and hoping you would have a peaceful day today. it's amazing how much you can come to care about someone you've never met.
with love,

Sent by liz | 11:19 AM ET | 06-17-2008

A little story about how one person deals with pain or stress;
Once when I complained about bad headaches, a dear adult friend told me about life threatening burns (45% body surface area) she suffered as a young child. She spent months at a burn center and had to receive daily painful cleaning and tending to her wounds. The center she was treated at used biofeedback and visualization with the children to try to reduce the amounts of strong pain meds they would need for these routine procedures. As an adult she successfully uses the same techniques to 'wipe out' pains so much so that she once suppressed pain from an impending inflamed appendix. (It ended well).

Here is the technique she taught me: When you have pain/stress don't run from it. Don't use your energy trying to get away. Sit or lie in a quiet, calm area with your eyes closed. She would face it, invite it to sit with her and would examine it. Where does it hurt most? Describe the pain. "Comfort" and treat the pain as a good friend that needs your help and compassion. Accept and know that you will have pain/stress with you but that the two of you can go and do activities together since you can support and help pain/stress. If the pain/stress is persistent and continues to 'yell' at you, decide you will pack it up and carry it in your pocket for awhile. Image a large sheet of pager that you fold in half, over and over again until it is small and you can slip it into your pocket. You still have pain with you but you have shrunk it to a manageable size.

I know it sounds simple and maybe a little flippant for something so serious as the stress and pain associated with cancer but it has worked for young burn victims. I think that the energy spent thinking about and trying to avoid the stress is great and is draining. There is no getting away from stress/pain so it's best to make a deal with it and let it become a familiar friend that you must accept and care for on your journey.

Sent by Leslie | 11:35 AM ET | 06-17-2008

My children gave me an Ipod last time I went for chemo. I'm on chemo again (4th time in 10 years) and I put my favorite music on it and when I listen to it I am aware of nothing but the music. It makes me forget where I am and who I am. Happy belated birthday, I look forward to your 54th. Prayers as always.

Sent by Linda | 11:35 AM ET | 06-17-2008

Dearest Leroy,
I have found that doing something I really enjoy helps me to deal with stress. Watching a good movie, surfing the internet, talking with friends, playing with my dogs etc. Do something you really like and remember you are never alone. All of us that read or comment here are with you. Use the blog to de-stress and let us help you for a change....after all you have helped so many of us. God Bless & Hugs

Sent by Teresa in WV | 11:48 AM ET | 06-17-2008

Dear Leroy,
I find myself writing you again in hopes that you read my post because I feel like we share the cancer bond and I want to help you. I know the stress is constantly with us, and I can tell you that it was killing me more than the NHL I have was. It was killing my spirit with all the stress until one day, my doctor said live in the moment....stop worrying. You know you have cancer and it will eventually take you, but you know what you could walk out of the office and get hit by a bus.
So now I look at my cancer as a gift. I live in the moment, appreciating my family and friends more and more each day. I take tons of photographs and I paint when I feel like I am getting stressed out by being turned away from chemo or a bad ct scan. I have outlived my original expiration date, so each day is a gift to me and I sieze it. I took great pleasure yesterday at buying gumballs to two young kids at the post office who where looking at the machine and their mom didn't seem to have change. A simple act to see the joy on their faces made me smile for the entire day by just spending fifty cents.
I am in a lot of pain today, but my daughter left me a chocolate croisant to have with my coffee....so in the middle of all this I am savoring the chocolate and the fact that she went to the bakery to leave me a surprise before she went to work. You have cancer but never forget that cancer does not have you......Live for the day, the moment and the fact that millions of people look forward to your wise words each day. We in the cancer club have a gift, we can see that each moment is precious so we can either stress about the cancer crap or just let it go and embrace that we are here for another day....and that bus did not hit me while crossing the street.
I wish you peace,
Miriam

Sent by Miriam | 11:53 AM ET | 06-17-2008

Time for Hawaii?

Sent by Julie | 11:58 AM ET | 06-17-2008

Leroy - my husband was diagnosed with his cancer in 2003, then I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2004. What had already begun the year prior to his cancer, was my ongoing ordeal with sinus infections that led to numerous pneumonias, surgeries, and an atypical type of tuberculosis (who knew this even existed?). On top of all of this, I had the most unsupportive workplace of all time that we depended on for health insurance. The stress was unbelievable; sometimes I felt like Job in the Bible who was certain he had been forgotten by God. I couldn't believe that all of this was happening to me, and was afraid to ask what was next for fear I would find out. I am sure that the stress level did nothing good for my situation.

I decided that I had absolutely no control over what happened to me; all I had control over was how I responded to it. Every day I reminded myself of all I had to be grateful for - my friends, my family, my home, my pets, the ability to walk, etc. What it did for me is to remind me that despite what I had already lost, I still had so much to be thankful for. And it made me remember that no matter how bad I had it, there was always someone out there who had things a lot worse. I guess it's perspective; in order to survive, I had to remind myself of all I still had.

Jeanette Carney

Sent by Jeanette Carney | 11:59 AM ET | 06-17-2008

Hi Leroy,
Just thinking about the stress can made a person more stressed. Try to find something to take your mind off of it.If you are able, take a walk, read a good book, take a hot shower, listen to music that you like, take a nap. I remember when I was really stressed, I took 6 walks in one day. It did help, because it kept me busy, moving, and thinking about what I saw around me. The dog went with me too!
Have a good day Leroy. You are in my thoughts.

Page - Gresham Oregon

Sent by Page Hendryx | 12:02 PM ET | 06-17-2008

Leroy, Laurie and All,

Leroy, First of all, a Happy belated birthday!! I didn't get to read your post of yesterday until this morning. I hope you got into gobs and gobs of icing!! Your post today on stress certainly applies to everyone who experiences Cancer or any other serious illness. I have found that reading a fast paced interesting book helps me to escape to another place and another time, at least for a little while. If you are not up to traveling, then reading may give you that, "Little break".

Laurie, As caregiver and fellow traveler on this road, we know that your stress level is through the roof most of the time. Please know that our thoughts and prayers surround both of you each day of our journey together.

To All, I know at times we wonder if the members of our treatment teams really relate to what we are going through. As a retired nurse, I have been a member of those treatment teams and I can assure that your medical caregivers are keenly aware. I have cried along with the doctors when we lost a patient and yes, the tears do flow. And we had times of cheering as well when a seriously ill patient passed a crisis. It's all part of Cancer World and we are all in this together.
God Bless!!

Eileen Pruyne
Charlotte, NC

Sent by Eileen Pruyne | 12:04 PM ET | 06-17-2008

Yesterday the birthday wishes abounded. I read through them and made notes of particular ones that I wanted to respond today before I get to today's posting.

Mia, it is called hospice, and if someone isn't suggesting it they are not listening to your husband. It is time to mention it yourself.They are there for him and you. They will help him with his wishes.

Elaine and Nick Z, I am so sorry for your losses. In time healing will begin.

Kim, oh my this will be a huge wedding. Any particular destination? I am shooting for Maui, bet I lose though.

Ok, today and stress. I tend not to sleep and eat when extremely stressed. How else does someone lose 6# over the Thanksgiving weekend. Not a healthy way to do it, but...Sometimes it seems no matter how hard you try to get out from under stress there is just no break from it. From November 2005, I have been dealing with my sisters health issues, and believe me, just when I thought it was safe, here comes another one. Tossed into the mix was dad's brief illness and passing. At times, I have dealt poorly, I'll admit that. Pity the poor calculator I broke slamming it with my fists because I could not get simple entries right. At least it wasn't a person. I find now, when stress is winning, I retreat into my condo away from people, maybe cry, talk to the walls. I can't be around my sister right now, because, I forsee the need for more surgery (new malignancy not the one from 2005) and I don't and will not be modifying my schedule or life to take care of her after, because she refuses to try to do more than she is capable. She is an addictive personality, dry and sober, but none the less, still in the mindset of an alcoholic. I am angry, and I admit it. She does just enough to remain somewhat functional and only what she has to, she will do no more and always has an excuse why she can't, won't, or couldn't. Her world has become her condo, and no farther except when she has a doctor's appointment. Not my life or my choice.

I feel I can be selfish right now, I have a new life ahead and really want the millstone off of my shoulders. If a skilled nursing facility is needed so be it. So, the vise of stress is constant, and leads some to anger, frustration, and looking for means to escape. And believe me, I have had enough of it to last forever. Can I divorce my sister?

Sent by Sue Chap | 12:20 PM ET | 06-17-2008

As a caretaker the only breaks I have received is always from 3rd parties.Some how being outside the loop gives a 3rd party the distance needed to see the potholes and steer you around them.Now the hard part is listening to their advice and giving yourself the permission to shift the load.

Sent by sue mac | 12:31 PM ET | 06-17-2008

Dear Leroy,
I have been struggling all week, all last week, trying to figure out what to say to you - something that would help. I will never forget when I was first diagnosed in 2006 with mets to the lungs from my breast cancer, which was first discovered in 2000. Coping with what appears to be an inevitability - well - it's just something that can't be described (although your blog is the closest thing to Truth with a capital T). When I first read of your latest test results, I kept thinking of that phrase, "dancing on the head of a pin," or something like that. The thing is, the head of a pin has a little wiggle room. There may be room to rest, if only for a minute. Your struggle is like dancing on the point of the pin, not the head. My heart is truly with you Leroy.

All I can say is that at my darkest times, I try to focus on the present moment, since it will always change. The past is a bunch of present moments that have already happened. The future is nothing but a bunch of present moments that have not yet happened. They'll unfold eventually, but not "now." The present, the now, is all we have - all we ever have.

I agree that letting the stress wash over you is sometimes a welcome release. It can bring on a different "now," which may bring you a bit of peace. Remember to breathe, my friend.

Sent by Kathy Seeley | 12:40 PM ET | 06-17-2008

I know I already sent some thoughts to you, Leroy, but as I was trimming the ivy on our fence (It was my husband's chore-I'm still learning/butchering) I was still thinking about your blog today.

I don't want to minimize any thoughts and feelings that I've read and I'm sure that I'm being very selfish because I wasn't the one in pain, nausea, stress, etc. but I wouldn't trade the last 22 months of Pat's life that I had with him for anything!

Yes, to get things in order but also to go through the incredible transition of going from taking life and love for granted to really becoming aware of how precious everything is: a sunset, the swans on the water, a baby, the people you care about. After 24 years together, our relationship went to an even deeper level of awareness and love. I thank God every day for giving us that extra time.

I would bet that Tim Russert's wife would give everything she has to have a little more time; time to say goodbye, one more kiss, one more "I love you."

Yes Cancer world sucks big time, but we're also here and able to talk about it.

Peace today and always.

Kathy B.

Sent by Kathy B. | 12:42 PM ET | 06-17-2008

I just scheduled my surgery this morning. I'm feeling totally stressed- wondering if I am making the right decisions about the kind of surgery I am chosing. Work and family situations are running my decisions, and I don't know if, in the long run, I will be as happy with the outcome.
Thanks for your reminder- I can put a name to the knot in my stomach.

Sent by Margaret | 12:44 PM ET | 06-17-2008

Leroy, Stress---a short word, but one that carries a lot of power. I was directed to your blog today by a magazine article on you and read today's blog. I understand the emotions you describe and I also know that power that stress bears on not only you, but your family, friends and others close to you. I have lost 3 grandparents to cancer in the past 10 years and the most recent, my paternal Grandfather, passed away 5 years ago this December from Prostrate Cancer. I remember the stress that I saw in him his last year along with the stress on my grandmother, my parents, sisters and brother and even myself. The last 3 months that he was in Hospice Care, I would go to visit him before work (a half hour drive) and again go after work before going home for the night. I did this every single day for 3 1/2 months and remember feeling the stress of that routine. But, I would not have done anything different as I look back as those 3 months brought me much closer to my grandfather and the rest of my family than I have ever been before. As I look back, the stress may have been a huge weight on all of us, but it was a small burden when I compare the closeness it developed in all of us and reflect back on the great memories we created with Grandpa and each other during that time. I am going to pray for you every day, Leroy. I wish you strength and comfort each day forward as you deal with this and hope that your family treasures each day spent with you. God Bless!!

Sent by Jeff Hagen, Ceylon, MN | 12:45 PM ET | 06-17-2008

Fond birthday wishes a day late. Hope you didn't OD on icing.

I'm another long-time reader/first time writer who has been deeply moved by your unfortunate plight and the brave and open way you've dealt with and shared everything. You're an amazing person.

I rarely have time to read the 'comments,' but today scrolled the birthday wishes from yesterday. I didn't read them, but looked at the 'signatures.' My quick guesstimate is that the female to male ratio of respondents is about 15-1. Please forgive my momentary lapse into sexist vocabulary, but you're a 'babe magnet.' I think that's a phenomenal tribute to your feminine side. I mean, we all know that men don't express themselves as honestly and openly as women, but the outpouring from your female fans and friends must be overwhelming to you.

Thank you forever for this legacy that you will one day leave behind. You have helped and inspired so many people and I will never forget your brave approach to cancer and your willingness to bring us along for the ride.

Sent by Kenny Weissberg | 12:45 PM ET | 06-17-2008

Good morning Leroy; go fishing, smell the flowers and lsten to silence, this will always be there just like stress, but it will make you smile and peaceful.Have a GOOD day.

Sent by Marelly | 12:46 PM ET | 06-17-2008

Leroy, stress is so hard. Our son, Andrew, suffered from it. He was given Adavan [sic] the last six weeks of his life from Hospice. I hope that helped his anxiety. He would laugh and say give me any drugs that help for pain. We certainly weren't worried about addiction. Three days before he died he started having difficulty breathing. We did get an oxygen machine and his meds were supposed to help with his breathing. I wish I could give you a hug and take away some of the stress. My son didn't want hugs. He would have been 36 this coming Sunday.

Sent by Maureen | 12:51 PM ET | 06-17-2008

Wouldn't it be wonderful Leroy to run away for awhile.

a virtual hug my friend

Sent by carrie Belair | 12:56 PM ET | 06-17-2008

It has been pointed out to me that "stressed" spelled backward is "desserts". Go take another swipe at the frosting on your birthday cake and put the rest of life's daily chores on hold.

Sent by Carrie | 1:08 PM ET | 06-17-2008

This post made teary eyed for sure.
Stress and pain is a tough are tough things when it pertains to cancer.

I see other people that don't have cancer with some of the same issues just for different reasons maybe.

One thing I have learned with my Nhl and dealing with for what seems like forever. I know that I am one of the lucky ones to still be here. No matter what I feel I am just damn lucky. Besides we are only human anyways. Stress for me is a bad thing makes me physically sick. So Not a Helpful thing.

The other thing is what helps the pain and stress go aways is realizing God is in control of whats happening with me. He gave me great Doctors and my trust is in Him as I go. He has the control I just seem to be along for the ride at this point. I am at peace with that.
I think there are so many shifts and feelings that come with cancer long term
Some days I am mad, angry and just plain
Po.ed for what it brought me. Then there days of great peace that things will all work for the greater good. Maybe thats grace is about.
On a good day its really good. On the bad days I take it hour by hour in small bits just like anyone here.

Thoughts and Prayers go with you and Yours.

Sent by Kerry in Michigan | 1:30 PM ET | 06-17-2008

Leroy I think we need to stand up, hands our our hips and give an evil laugh mmuuaaaahhhhaaa - cancer MAY have our health BUT be damned if it will take our spirit!

THEN go eat some left over birthday cake and dig your finger in the icing - why.....cuz you can!

Sent by carrie Belair | 1:41 PM ET | 06-17-2008

Happy Belated Birthday Leroy! I miss a day and you get a year older : ) I hope you have left over cake for a few breakfasts ahead this week too. I wish we could send you another cake if it's all gone too.

I well recall the stress of being a caregiver for my mom and looking back, I find a true connection for myself that the greater the stress over a loved-one, the GREATER the love between you both. I know it can't be this way while you 'cope' with care and illness but in hindsight, I know it was our great love that caused my great stress watching her remarkable grace and grit through it all. You have great grace and grit too. Still, my hat is off to all of you now - 30 years ago, I was in deep yogurt as a wise uncle calls it trying to cope and it's just the pits some days.

I hope you can get away - from all of this - even for a few days - and to Hawaii even better.

Peace to you and Laurie - Brin

Sent by Brin | 2:12 PM ET | 06-17-2008

Funny. I think I know what you mean by how debilitating stress is. I am in the last stages of my life, and I've been reflecting on the things I have done to cause others stress. I realize I have actually ruined whole lives of people around me, destroyed their faith in how the world should work, destroyed two families. It is these regrets, the awareness of the depth of destruction I've caused, and the consciousness that I've benefitted from others' pain that now, in turn, cause me untold stress. Am I paying, now, at the end of my life, for my sins?

Sent by Christopher Coutant | 3:06 PM ET | 06-17-2008

Leroy,

Do you take any meds for your stress? Valium works!

Blessings.

Sent by Diana Kitch | 3:12 PM ET | 06-17-2008

We've never met, Leroy, but I feel I know you and we have become friends. Here's a wish for a peaceful day.

Sent by Louise | 3:19 PM ET | 06-17-2008

The stress can be debilitating. So much to do, so little time; it can be confusing to prioritize. What to do first?

I learned a long time ago to do relaxing techniques. They can't deal with acute stress, but they can help me deal with chronic stress.

Pain can be stressful, too. Proper pain medication is important

Sent by Scott S. | 3:24 PM ET | 06-17-2008

I throw this out as food for thought for Leroy and the group: with Tim Russert's sudden passing, and others like his, do you ever think that it's better to have time to "put your affairs in order," and to say what you feel to loved ones and friends, or to go suddenly, with less pain for yourself, but potentially more pain for loved ones?
I am a breast cancer survivor (6 years, NED), and am now watching a good friend struggle with lung cancer that is likely to kill her.
When I was going through cancer treatments for a pretty agressive form of cancer, I thought often about how I would feel if I found out the disease was terminial. Now with the nation-wide grieving over the loss of such a prominent figure of sudden cardiac arrest, I don't know which way would be better or worse...
Just food for thought.

Sent by Robin | 3:32 PM ET | 06-17-2008

Christopher,
Your note really struck me sadly. Can you take a page from 12 step programs and try to "make amends" in some way to the people whom you have hurt? Perhaps you have done so already, or perhaps there are no "amends" which will help them now. What about apologies or sharing the reflections you are experiencing? I don't think the end of your life is just supposed to be vengeful "payback" to you. What about restitution for them and a new peace and pride for you? Best of luck to you.

Sent by Katie | 3:59 PM ET | 06-17-2008

I read yesterday's many birthday greetings, and made notes of certain entries I wanted to respond to.

Mia, I feel your husband's doctors are not listening. If they are mentioning hospice, I would bring it up. Hospice teams are taught to help the patient and family and assist with the transition.

Nick Z and Elaine, I am sorry about your losses. Time will allow healing to begin.

Kim, is there a place large enough for our families (mine is small), friends: close and distant, and the entirety of the LA at my wedding? Start shopping...

Stress seems to be on going. My sister is facing another (unrelated) health crisis, and I feel I don't have much more to give into her care.

I honestly feel it is my time to live. Is that bad? I need a break from stress and to relearn how to play.

Sent by Sue Chap | 4:01 PM ET | 06-17-2008

Leroy - It's hard not to recommend regular vacations (especially Hawaii) but on a day to day level, I find that a few minutes meditation helps put things in perspective so that I don't make things worse than they already are. And it's cheaper than therapy.

MTS

Sent by Marshall T. Spriggs | 4:13 PM ET | 06-17-2008

I have spent the last 15 months treating Stage II Rectal Cancer and the most powerful way that I have found to reduce my stress is to openly express whatever emotion is there regardless of rational the emotion is. Of course anger needs to be expressed appropriately.

Regardless, I express my emotions FULLY and I regularly share with my wife or dear friends what ever it is I am feeling so I can process it. Emotions trapped inside my mind has always equaled stress. And, sometimes the process takes quite a while and in the mean time, I too experience stress.

Bert Scholl

http://bertscholl.blogspot.com

Sent by Bert Scholl | 4:31 PM ET | 06-17-2008

Leroy,

Cancer is incredibly stressful on everyone. When my Mom was in this very stressful stage, I was her caregiver We would share "moments of joy". Just tiny snippets of goodness, a memory, a chuckle, raspberry or mango sherbert, a cool breeze, even new placemats. These moments helped us through each day and now give me strength.

I wish you moments of joy.

Sent by Nicole Fontayne | 4:44 PM ET | 06-17-2008

Dear Leroy,

I'm writing this from Camp Sunshine--a camp for families with children affected by life threatening illness. Right now, it's retinoblastoma week.

They are really good at this Camp at helping relieve the stress of cancer. We had a costume dance party last night and tonight is a talent show, where I heard a rumor that one of the children will be burping a song.

You're so right, cancer is tough on everyone, and stressful. It's painful to see children go through cancer treatments. But it's so amazing and lovely to watch them continue to try and have fun. That's what they want to do. Have fun. No past, no future--just what is the next fun thing I can do.

(I wrote a short post about it on my blog if you feel like visiting:
http://gracetalusan.blogspot.com)

Happy Birthday, Leroy. You're amazing.

All best,
Grace

Sent by Grace T | 4:56 PM ET | 06-17-2008

I've been in situations where a 'group moan' worked. Or a road trip.

Sent by Jack B | 4:56 PM ET | 06-17-2008

"It's not the pain. It's not the fear, the uncertainty, or the anger.

It's the stress that's the toughest to deal with sometimes.

Leroy Sievers"

You may want to talk to your doctor about complementary medicine. This webpage gives a list of it; but ask your doctor if its ok, before you try any of them:
http://www.chemocare.com/complementary_medicine.asp

Sent by Martin | 5:16 PM ET | 06-17-2008

When I returned to work after my first (and hopefully last?) round of chemo for stage IV lung cancer, I vowed I would do my best to avoid stress. No more overtime, no more working through my breaks. No more letting things or people "get to me". Sometimes I feel my shoulders getting tight and the tension building. I tell myself , "it's not worht it, it doesn't matter", take a deep breath, and let it go. Amazingly it works pretty well, most of the time. I smile more and let others make more decisions. And I seek out every opportunity to have a good hard belly laugh. The cancer is always there, but the stress,,,ah to hell with it!!

Sent by Theresa Lovin | 6:15 PM ET | 06-17-2008

Leroy, May each tomorrow be better than today.... Hugs to you and Laurie.

Tina, You are so wise to treasure each moment. That is all you can do--store the memories now.

Sue Chap, You deserve your time. It will be strange when you are no longer Sue "Chap" --have you set a date yet?
Be happy!

Wishing Peace and Comfort to all,
Jane

Sent by Jane | 6:22 PM ET | 06-17-2008

You're very wise when you say we need to bear it--and hopefully sometimes compartmentalize it. The worst thing to hear is "Try to relax" or "Look at all the good things in your life." Or experience the burden of others' efforts to make us feel better. So I'm commiserating with you--no advice--sitting with you in my mind and saying "It stinks."

Sent by salees | 6:55 PM ET | 06-17-2008

I pray God's peace & contentment over you & Laurie. When you trust in the Lord as your Father God, Son & Holy Spirit, His peace overcomes the stressors of life. May you feel God's Presence & rest in His mercy, grace, peace, comfort & strength. May He fill you & Laurie with His fruit of the Spirit which is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness & self-control.

Sent by Vicky Mitchell | 7:02 PM ET | 06-17-2008

Christopher,

I second Katie's idea of "making amends" to those you can.

And I'm also once again reminded of our late Stephanie Dornbrook's advice to her family, when she asked they "forgive everything."

I'm sure if Stephanie were still with us, she'd tell you that, but in this form:

"Forgive everything. Begin with yourself."

Grace, peace and blessings on your troubled spirit.

Sent by Bruce | 8:00 PM ET | 06-17-2008

Leroy,

I am celebrating your birthday on an ongoing basis. I am so glad you are alive! You and this family have made all the difference! Wish I could bottle it for world peace.

Thanks to the firmament that you showed up!

Sent by cathi | 8:03 PM ET | 06-17-2008

Leroy.... good topic today. From a caregiver's perspective, I can say that no matter how much you love someone (and maybe BECAUSE of how much you love them) there are days when they can say something that will cut you to the core. Rationally, I was able to understand that it was the situation we were in, the frustration of the patient not being able to do for herself, and fear and stress..... but it was at those times (very few) when all of the stress really got to me. Then you get into the problems.... the patient has probably been trying so hard NOT to do or say anything to hurt the caregiver and the caregiver is doing the same. When the control sometimes slips, it comes suddenly and painfully, but thankfully it leaves just as fast.

Someone spoke of "moments of joy". There were so many for my daughter and I. One in particular that I will always cherish... I had just finished bathing her and helping her to dress and finish her toiletry for the morning. I began to rub her down with cream to help her skin. I was just sitting there, massaging her feet, and bent forward and placed a kiss on them. I guess it was just the thought of "my little girl" having to go through so much and how little I could do to help. At that moment she looked down at me and said "I hope that you know how much your care means to me!!" A true moment of joy. Please remember to thank each other for the small gifts of love we exchange every day!!

Christopher.... I do not believe that we are "punished" for our sins on this earth. I think that often we suffer consequences for our actions or lack of actions. The fact that you are looking back on your life and seeing where you may not have acted in the way you feel you should have is a very positive thing. It brings us understanding and a certain humility. I too recommend making whatever amends you are able, even if it is to write to them, or if they are no longer available, just write it out and then destroy it. It doesn't matter if they accept your apology; you will have done the right thing and that is what will matter to you. I hope you find some peace of mind.

Sent by Betty Obst | 8:04 PM ET | 06-17-2008

Oh, and to JCR: My dear, you have every right and reason to be angry over what you've lost. You also have every right and reason to be glad for what you still have.

But I'd vote for getting the anger out in the open, which you did an amazing job of earlier today.

Good for you!

Don't be afraid to do that, it can be therapeutic. We all need a "screaming room."

I told my best friend, when he asked how I managed, that I had a place outside the city I could drive to, get out of the car, and scream at the top of my lungs and nobody could hear me. That worked for me.

You can't carry it around internally forever, so when you need to "bleed" bleed on us...or find your own screaming room.

Since losing Terry a year and a half ago, my blood pressure has normalized and there's much less stress in my life. There's also much less fun...I guess that's the trade-off. I miss *our life*, but I'm also building *my life*...and I honestly am not lonely, just alone.

Sent by Bruce | 8:11 PM ET | 06-17-2008

Christopher Coutant - Stop thinking like that! You negate what others have chosen to give you out of love. If it was too much for them, they would have left you on your own. Despite what you perceive as your sins, it is obvious that others do not see them in the same way and have found very valuable and loving things about you to make them want to help you in this journey. I would sincerely suggest you reading The Bridge over San Luis Rey by Thornton Wilder to give you a different interpretation of what is happening to you. What you see as pain and chaos in two families may in fact be the coehesion needed to bring these families closer to each other for purposes unknown by all.

My sis was unable to help me with my lung cancer treatments and felt guilty about such (I am in remission) and then last Dec her husband was diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer and there has been a terrible battle for his life and finally both tumors are gone and things are more peaceful for the moment. She has heart condition (stents) and diabetes issues and last night she said she had given her all for her husband and she didn't have anything left to give for herself. The stress has done her in to where she no longer cares what happens to herself, she just needs an end to the stress. I don't know how I can help her or inspire her other than pointing her to a higher power and turn her troubles over to Him. Nothing I say is making an impact or connection to her and I pray for both of them.

Sent by Maureen Kennedy | 8:18 PM ET | 06-17-2008

Leroy, Yes the stress is like a great vice..ever present and it does seem like acceptance of it washing over you is about the best way to deal with it. It is a hard road, lonely at times but it is what it is...and that ain't easy.

Elaine, I'm so sorry for the passing of your husband. He seemed like a sweet,good man. Hang in there with all that needs to be done now to honor him. Don't stray far from us and let us hear from you. I think you were the kind soul that responded to the call to say you loved him every day. You seem like such a good soul I'm sure you were a great commfort to him. Peace to you.

With love to all - Graham fom Sag Harbor.

Sent by Graham G. Hawks | 8:33 PM ET | 06-17-2008

Leroy. I don't know you but. I started listing to you when I got my new IPod and came to admire and care about you during this time. I just want to say I love you and admire your fight and ability to share your wonderful life with all of us. Take Care Joanne

Sent by Joanne Jones | 8:39 PM ET | 06-17-2008

Leroy - I don't know if you are a person of religious faith, but I think now might be a great time to find someone whom you can like and respect who is able to help you find your way through the pain and worry and stress. Placing one's faith in a higher power, if that's possible, can be a way to find some peace in this crazy world - it also reminds us that we are not now, nor have we ever been, traveling this journey of ours alone. That can be the source of great comfort and even joy. When I think of all the amazing people who love and support you in this blog "family" of yours, my faith tells me that God is caring for you ( and all the others) deeply and holding you close during this time. I believe that His love for you is greater than all time and space and is being shown to you each day in the words and gestures of all the angels in your life who are being there for you!

Sent by CaroleD | 9:03 PM ET | 06-17-2008

You're so right. It would be nice for a break. I guess that's what it means to take advantage of the moment and focus on less stressful seconds or minutes. Happy belated.

Sent by Fern Malowitz | 9:34 PM ET | 06-17-2008

I'm sorry to hear this is where you are. I hope you can find a way through the stress to a calmer place, at least once in a while. I know that pain makes me very stressed and it shows with my family.

I have been very stressed lately and I find playing my favorite cd and singing at the of my lungs works wonders. Do what you can to relax (Xanax helped me turn off my brain and sleep during my treatment) and be kind to yourself.

Sent by Sarah | 9:39 PM ET | 06-17-2008

Dear Leroy,

When my husband was first diagnosed with cancer and we were waiting to see the cancer specialists, I remember saying to him that I wished I could run away. He said take me with you. The stress is too much to take at times. Things are always worse for me at 3 AM. Usually by the morning light, we get the strength to go on and we feel stronger to face the day. I think you are right when you say to let the stress just wash over you and then go on. Thank you for all your thoughts and hope you had a Happy Birthday yesterday. Sending you and Laurie lots of love.

Sent by barbara j | 10:44 PM ET | 06-17-2008

Stress is paralyzing. I take deep breaths and 'watch what I am thinking'. I am a breast cancer survivor taking care of my sister with bipolar disorder and her husband with ALS.
When I find my thoughts leading me down a dark road, I try to picture my 16 month old great nephew discvering all that nature brings upon us in the Spring.
It works most of the time and I can have some peace even if only for a short while.
Peace and love to you and laurie

Sent by Joyce | 10:44 PM ET | 06-17-2008

Hi leroy,

Once again you are right. The stress from cancer can be unbearable to all concerned. I try to take life one day at a time,one hour, one minute, one moment. So much of what happens because of cancer is out of our hands, our control. is that why it is so stressful? That's when I put it in God's hands. You and Laurie are in my thoughts and prayers, Leroy. Do something for yourself tomorrow, something you enjoy.

Take care,

Mary

Sent by Mary McLellen | 10:58 PM ET | 06-17-2008

Stress - the one thing we can never really get away from. Most of the time we deal with it, taking one baby step at a time. Then there are days like today when it just sweeps over you and you are paralyzed, overwhelmed and don't know where or how to begin, how to keep going. So, ride the wave, allow yourself to be swept up in it - Cry, rant, rave - whatever it is. . .Then, take that deep breath in and let it out. You will be o.k., and those who love you, they will also be o.k. You will take that deep breath and appreciate how far you have already come. You do have it in you to keep going - for however long, to whatever place. . .just one baby step at a time.

Sent by Annette | 12:32 AM ET | 06-18-2008

Dear Leroy,

It pains me to hear that you are feeling stress/anxiety.

I have turned to medication when these feelings have overwhelmed me. When I need to, I take Xanax .5 mg.

The situation remains the same but I can deal with it much more effectively.

People are allowed and even encouraged to take medication for physical pain.

Why aren't we encouraged to take it for emotional pain.

It's easy to say, meditate, pray, go on vacation but none of these things provide the kind of relief you need.

Perhaps after medication you can find some peace with all of the above activites.

Give yourself a break, you certainly deserve to make your life the best it can be.

with love and peace,

susan
california

Sent by susan | 2:17 AM ET | 06-18-2008

Aloha Leroy-when the stress hits I head outside to just try to relax and take a few deep breaths. I look to nature to keep me grounded and my pets to keep me smiling. Much aloha, Georgia

Sent by Georgia Norton | 2:34 AM ET | 06-18-2008

I too feel the stress of cancer.I went for my pet scan to findout about my cancer spread. I dont want to be sick again because my Mom needs me,she is in the hospital.I have been in remission and I hope it stays that way! Cause I have things I need to do So there is a lot of stress right now!

Sent by Sharon Fuller | 7:04 AM ET | 06-18-2008

Dear Leroy I'm sending this post with love & tears...You are and will forever be our "Rocky". I am also at that place stage 4 Breast Cancer since 2004. I am tired of chemo, taking pills etc, etc , you know the drill.Lots of Love xxxoooo. There are still some good days ahead.

Sent by Aliyah | 3:44 PM ET | 06-19-2008

Leoroy thanks for your blog. I will have my 2 year anniversary from treatment in July. so far so good!! The best thing I could have done for myself and people that have cancer is to do the relay for life. It was my first time and it was wonderful. Please share this to encourage others who are able to fight this disease.

Sent by Kathleen M. Hitchcock | 11:22 PM ET | 06-27-2008