Congratulations, Leroy. Can I say how much I am going to miss you, and how afraid I am getting about losing you? Can I be as honest as I want on here? Do I scare you when I express these feelings? How rare it is that we actually get to say these things to people. We are so afraid of scaring ourselves and them, or offending, "saying the wrong thing," etc. One of the greatest gifts I feel you are giving is allowing people to say what they really feel. Thank you for that, and congratulations on the great clean feeling of the morning. Love, Joyce

Sent by joyce smith | 7:21 AM ET | 07-29-2008

Just be greatful you aren't a woman!

I am visiting my in-laws in Norway. For my birthday gift they surprised me with tickets to a Bjoern Eidsvaag concert. It was the most beautiful setting - a park surrounded by mountains. The accoustics were fantastic. He ended with "Eg ser" (I see). And I thought of you.

Staying clean always makes you feel better. Glad you are able to get the help you need.

(PS I have little access to the internet here, so if I am away for a while, don't be surprised).

XXOO

Liz L.

Sent by Liz L. | 7:23 AM ET | 07-29-2008

Hi Leroy! Now that you are clean and I hope have had some breakfast, I hope that you can sit and read a little from a good book or watch a favorite movie. Take care and G-d bless you.
Jan

Sent by Janice Goldberg White | 7:57 AM ET | 07-29-2008

Being normal, wow, I applaude you for sticking to your guns and being "normal". My wife goes through the same thing every day also, "let me be normal". Some times its hard to do espically when it involves her doing things I know are so tough for her to do, even though just two years ago she could do them "standing on her head". You hang in there Leroy, be normal as long as you can.

Sent by Terrell W in Bay City Tx | 7:58 AM ET | 07-29-2008

Leroy,

If you look, act, and are the way you "used to be"...seems to me that the center is holding and the essence of Leroy Sievers is unchanged.

From here, your intelligence, humanity and wit are clear and ever so welcome and admired.

The beast, the 500 pound gorilla in the room, is indeed being held at bay.

Cherish today.

Sent by Peggy | 7:58 AM ET | 07-29-2008

Dear friend:
You have no idea how special these past few entries have been nor perhaps do you realize how generous it is of you to share these thoughts with us. I believe you would not write if you did not want to; you understand that your first obligation is to yourself.
I lovingly hold you in my thoughts and continue to be amazed by you.

Sent by Harriet | 8:09 AM ET | 07-29-2008

Normalcy, it what we all hold on to when things appearing or are not as we would like them to be. Normalcy is good, normalcy is comfort.

Hang on to it with all your might.

Sent by Sue Chap | 8:10 AM ET | 07-29-2008

I think staying clean and washed up is a huge deal. I'll never forget when I wound up in the hospital a couple of years ago hooked up to all sorts of things and unable to take a shower. A nurse's aid left a box of those self-sudsing washclothes for me but I still wasnt able to get myself really totally clean by myself, let alone wash my hair which felt yuckier and yuckier. Finally, on day four a nurse came in and really gave me the good cleaning, including hair washing, which I needed. I felt SO much better just from that.

Thank goodness for the people who help us feel and stay clean and "normal looking"

Sent by N.R. | 8:23 AM ET | 07-29-2008

Dear Leroy,
Wishing you a "normal" day!
Charlotte in Rural Ridge, PA

Sent by Charlotte Kewish | 8:45 AM ET | 07-29-2008

Dear Leroy,
Your struggles are heartfelt and your courage and tenacity is very much admired. You are a beacon to others and everything that you have accomplished is exceptional. More power to you.

Sent by Elaine | 9:02 AM ET | 07-29-2008

Leroy, it is a big deal. And I am sorry it takes so much energy just to be that way. My husband used to say that it was the hardest thing for him. It would absolutely wear him out. If we were going to go someplace we would actually make sure we had enough time for a little rest after all the getting ready.

Leroy, just hang in there and hang onto that little bit of normalcy. My heart and prayers are with you and Laurie.

Sent by dorothy in oregon | 9:14 AM ET | 07-29-2008

Leroy, Seems an elusive goal, "Holding onto Normalcy". I keep trying and trying, and then I do too much. I commend you on being normal, if only for a little while. The disease never seems to give anything back, it just takes. I still work on being normal, but the victories are so few and far between it is hard. All the best to You and Laurie, have a good day. Stan

Sent by Stan Wozniak | 11:14 AM ET | 07-29-2008

Absolutely. Even when a person starts feeling better after a bout of flu, you feel human again after a shower and clean clothes.

You and Laurie have a great day.

Sent by Kathy B. from Michigan | 12:05 PM ET | 07-29-2008

Making it through the laborious process is worth it, I think. You feel better when you look like you are ready for the world even if you don't take it on each day.

I look at pictures taken just a week after the last surgery and think how "normal" I look. However, I felt anything but. Maybe we can develop an after shave or cologne that cancer cells hate.

Ever onward, Leroy. May this day be a good one for us all.

Sent by Sara in MD | 12:35 PM ET | 07-29-2008

You may look like a regular person after all the morning ablutions are done, Leroy, but you aren't. Nope - you are one in a million, our hero, a shining star, an amazing human being, loved and admired by legions.

Keep holding on, please. Damn that Beast!

Sent by Doris | 12:42 PM ET | 07-29-2008

Dear Leroy,

All the efforts of being "refreshed" really do make such a difference, on so many levels, don't they?

Here's to you today ... A tip of my coffee cup this morning; a tip of my iced (sweet!)tea this afternoon; and a tip of my wine glass this evening. Thinking of you, with wishes for all good things today,

Fondly,

Kim Forester

Sent by Kim Forester | 12:43 PM ET | 07-29-2008

You are more than "normal" to us, Leroy.

Sent by Lucy from Alaska | 12:55 PM ET | 07-29-2008

I'm sure Laurie thinks you look very handsome!

Sent by liz | 12:55 PM ET | 07-29-2008

Dear Leroy, it is the little things (like feeling clean) that end up counting the most. Hope you and Laurie have a good day today.

Sent by barbara | 1:04 PM ET | 07-29-2008

I know what you're saying, Leroy. You can only feel as good as you look, my mother always says.
I am thinking of you every day--you have no idea how many people you have touched with this blog.

Sent by alison Jones | 1:23 PM ET | 07-29-2008

Good Morning Leroy & Family,
Being clean and refreshed is a wonderful feeling. I agree!!!
Take Care,
Page - Gresham Oregon

Sent by Page Hendryx | 1:34 PM ET | 07-29-2008

Leroy,

Holding on to normalcy works for you. As coping skills (or not) go, your way is dignified and makes sense to me.

Blessings.

Sent by Diana Kitch | 1:35 PM ET | 07-29-2008

Just a note to let you know that you're in my thoughts and prayers. I can't really remember when I started reading your blog; but for perhaps a year or so, it has become a part of my daily life. Bottom line, I admire your courage. Have a good day.

Sent by John | 1:46 PM ET | 07-29-2008

What has happened to this blog? It is 1:44 pm and still no messages have been transferred.

Sent by J C R | 1:49 PM ET | 07-29-2008

...and feeling a bit more normal, too, maybe? same soap, same shampoo...? just like usual?

Sent by mary | 2:25 PM ET | 07-29-2008

It's amazing how much it matters to "look normal." I guess it makes us feel we are okay, we ARE normal.

I feel embarrassed about the way I walk when my feet are very sore and inflamed from the chemo I do - I think I look weird. When they are not sore I breathe a sigh of relief not just to be pain free, but to be walking more "normally."

At an airport recently I noticed a woman who looked very uncomfortably crooked. Her head and spine were so very twisted it must have been terribly painful. From the conversation with her husband or friend her intellect was completely normal, only her body was askew.

I imagined what it would be like to be her and look like that. I don't know if many of us could be her and not live side by side with despair. People were very rudely staring at her and it reminded me how superficial we humans are, we judge even each other by our packaging. God that's scary. How do we avoid it though. All of society says you are what you look like. Geez.

On the other hand when we are ill it's understandable that visual cues like having our hair brushed and our face washed etc make us feel better, more human. Sometimes just getting out of our pajamas and into "street clothes" can make us feel better.

Sent by Nancy Oliveri | 2:28 PM ET | 07-29-2008

Hi Leroy-it sounds like you're getting into a normal routine which I take to mean that you are stable. This is excellent news. And isn't it always interesting how much better everyone feels when they are clean. I think of you often and just want you to enjoy each day the best you can. We just had a 5.4 earthquake in California so who knows- we could all be wiped out by a big quake tomorrow.

Sent by linda h. | 3:02 PM ET | 07-29-2008

When it becomes so hard to hold onto that simple level of normalcy and you know it won't be getting any better, isn't it time to consider letting go and finally escaping the beast forever?

Sent by Ian | 3:26 PM ET | 07-29-2008

I have been following Mr. Sievers' cancer testimonial and I'd like to request that he participate in a profile for a health communication textbook I'm writing. I, too, have had to deal with a life-altering traumatic and chronic health issue (loss of a leg in a motorcycle accident) so I relate to much of what he discusses. Please pass this message along to Mr. Sievers and ask him to respond. Thanks!

Sent by Marifran Mattson, PhD, Purdue University | 3:28 PM ET | 07-29-2008

Hi All,

We've had some database problems today, so comments have been slow to go up. Sorry for the inconvenience.

Sent by Eyder Peralta | 3:40 PM ET | 07-29-2008

Hi Leroy,

Thank you for sharing. Your honesty is overwhelming. I am praying for you.

Sent by Marcy in NJ | 4:06 PM ET | 07-29-2008

This is the first time I have sent a comment, but far from the first I have read the blog. Thank you for sharing through all of this. It appears you give so much to so many from the comments posted Sunday we got a call from my sister-in-law that she has breast cancer. I just had my mammogram and luckily they found nothing. A student at the school where I teach just lost a mom to cancer. Another student is in the hospital now, hopefully on the way to recovery from a brain tumor. Unfortunately, cancer is everywhere! We need to support those with the disease and their caregivers. But we also need to push for more research, so we can someday talk about cancer in the past tense.
I will continue to read of your path on this journey and wish you strength. maryann

Sent by maryann | 4:12 PM ET | 07-29-2008

No matter how hard I try to wait until evening to check all the comments, I find myself checking morning, noon, and night! Regarding getting clean, I remember a cartoon that I kept on my bulletin board for a long time. It shows a woman with a list for getting dressed up: makeup, nails, hair, clothes, accessories. Then a list for a man: tuck in shirt. Cheers from hot, hot Texas!

Sent by N. Holmes | 4:16 PM ET | 07-29-2008

Leroy,

Thank you for so much! For holding on, for being "normal," and for sharing today on the getting clean! It is a big deal for all of us "normal people." The vast majority of us do want to get clean every day; we just take for granted that we won't need assistance doing so. On the one occasion that I did have to have help after a major surgery, it was a huge challenge for me, which is only the tip of the iceberg on what you are currently facing. One idea to for you is for you to write notes or draw pictures on yourself in fun places for a change in dynamics.

I wish the beast was at bay for you, I wish you had your independence, but at the end of the day is that what really defines you. You are a brilliant, "normal", individual, hang onto who you really are, and save your energy for what you can do. Embrace the help from those who love you and those who want to help for countless reasons.

Thank you again for sharing with us, especially today! Reading this blog is a "normal" part of my day and every personal detail you share is a gift that will keep on giving in different ways for all of us. My dream is for it to be compiled into a book!

Happy puddles to you!

Sent by C in Seattle | 4:17 PM ET | 07-29-2008

Normalcy is comfortable but you should still have some fun... Suggest a lawn chair, next to the yard sprinkler and a bar of soap.... Give the neighborhood something to talk about.

Hold Fast & crew cuts are low maintenance.

Don MacLeod

Sent by Don MacLeod | 4:30 PM ET | 07-29-2008

Since my cancer diagnosis, my goal was to "look and act normal". I think it is a great goal. What I have learned over the years is there is a new normal that I have adjusted too. I too tire with the daily cleaning routine. Sometimes to be stubborn, I skip the shave or wash my hair every other day. Those are days I feel my need to control the cancer and tumors rage strong. Congrats on accomplishing those things that help you feel normal. Screen out the "should do" from the "have to do".

Your blogs mean the world to me. I can identify with your words and they give me straigth. Thanks for sharing!

Happy Day!

Alexis

Sent by Alexis Redmond | 4:50 PM ET | 07-29-2008

Hi Leroy,
My postings have been hit or miss lately, swallowed by the internet or lost in the database...

Anyway, I applaud your quest for maximum towel usage! I soooo get that!

I wore diamond earrings to my surgery (even though the hospital "strongly urged" me not too) something had to jazz up the hospital gown.
During chemo while I was losing hair & gaining weight and sick as a dog, I insisted on wearing beautiful pajamas with matching fuzzy socks. Radiation wasn't going to work unless I had a manicure and pedicure, no chipping. Bring on the old me!!!

Hang in their friend, the Beast hates clean (and accessorized)!

Love to you & Laurie,
Debra Altschiller

Sent by Debra (the fighting Irish) in New Hampshire | 4:57 PM ET | 07-29-2008

Leroy: one of my husband's greatest pleasures was to take a long, hot shower. Kidding around, he said to me, "but do you want another woman to see me naked?", as the nurse walked him to the shower. Being a former truck driver, he exulted in hot showers whenever and wherever he could take them. I'm glad he had the fortitude to enjoy that shower. You are an incredible man, and I'm so glad I happened upon this blog. My prayers are with you. Marsha

Sent by Marsha Bacenko | 5:02 PM ET | 07-29-2008

When my husband underwent his first week of chemo in 2000, he seemed very cheered by the fact that, although he was "in" the hospital, he could wear his street clothes during the day and his pajamas at night just as he did at home. It was really important and the days that he spent wearing pajamas were hard days indeed. The second time in 2005 he found that putting on a pair of latex gloves and accessing his e-mail from the oncology patients' library made a world of difference, too.

Take much joy in each thing that helps you to feel normal, Leroy!

Sent by Rhea Montague | 5:03 PM ET | 07-29-2008

Leroy, I feel bad that so many messages are being lost here lately. Maybe someone new trying to help you send and retrieve them? It is difficult for me to type these days with my deminishing vision and after typing you a heartfelt message this morning, somehow it has gotten lost. Sorry, but I DID enjoy your words this morning and waited all day to see that you received my "two cents"but it has never been shown. That has happened before. I do enjoy the other's comments but I wanted to be added to your loving thoughts.

Sent by J C R | 5:10 PM ET | 07-29-2008

Cancer will never touch your soul Leroy. You can stare cancer in the eye and defy it to even try. I can be whatever I want to be in my memories. Cancer cannot touch them either. Cancer cannot touch how happy I am now to read your blog. Cancer is a coward. It runs from a strong spirit.

Sent by Thomas Escott | 5:16 PM ET | 07-29-2008

I think you are right on Leroy. Maint-aning some sort of sense of personal discipline and order, to me, i.e. normalcy, is the way to keep the Beast at bay. More importantly it allows us to meet each day with reverence and the possibility of enjoying the little things we have left as much as possible. Plus appreciating the big things: like someone coming to visit go better too. Best to you with love. Graham from Sag Harbor.

Sent by Graham G. Hawks | 5:27 PM ET | 07-29-2008

Ah, that rings a bell. My brother was diagnosed and had surgery, and was really sick for awhile afterwards. When he had recovered from that, he told me how wonderful it was to be able to just brush his teeth again. "You don't know what a big deal it is until you can't do it," he said. How our perspectives can change on this journey!

Sent by Marion from Cobleskill, NY | 5:34 PM ET | 07-29-2008

Dear Leroy,

You said a mouthful. Being clean and wearing clean clothes is so important to one's sense of well being and sense of self. The earthquake we had in L.A. today didn't cause any damage, thank God. But I remember walking around unshowered for 3 days after the Northridge earthquake. Yuck!

I'm so happy your new system is working for you and even happier that you're continuing to stare down the beast.

Still lifting!

Sending much love and admiration to you and Laurie!

Sent by Janice J. , Los Angeles | 5:54 PM ET | 07-29-2008

"I'm clean"-that is a very big deal. Maybe only someone in yours or a similar situation can make such a profound statement. Your life, the life that you cherish, is so beautiful that no beast can destroy its significance.Your kindness lightens our blakened hearts and your courage has hardened our eroding bones.

Sent by Ned Lemon | 5:55 PM ET | 07-29-2008

I'm not sure if my earlier comment made it through. I just want to send Leroy, Laurie and everyone on our blog my love. It IS worth the time and trouble Leroy - you are our HERO. Lots of love.

Sent by Tina from Alton, IL | 6:02 PM ET | 07-29-2008

This struggle is for me the hardest thing to read here. Things you could do so recently without thinking now take careful planning and assistance. Struggles someone as young as you shouldn't be faced with. I'm so sorry and yet so grateful that you're still on this earth, and that you are supported and that you are still writing. I pray that you are not in much pain.

Sent by Nichole in FL | 6:14 PM ET | 07-29-2008

Whew, Eyder! Thanks for the message ... We folks out here in "Leroy Land" get a little twitchy and nervous ("Uh-oh, is something wrong with Leroy?") if we don't keep the conversation going throughout the day!

With relief and thanks,

Kim Forester

Sent by Kim Forester | 6:49 PM ET | 07-29-2008

Eyder,

These things happen. Thanks for making it better.

Sent by Kathy B. from Michigan | 7:12 PM ET | 07-29-2008

Leroy and Laurie,
Hand onto what bits of "normal" you have! A little can definitely mean a lot as you are seeing. My heart and thoughts continue to be with both of you and will be there as long as you need them.

Sent by betsey | 7:36 PM ET | 07-29-2008

Just a regular guy. That's really nice. :)

Sent by Paulette | 7:39 PM ET | 07-29-2008

YOU ARE AMAZING

Sent by Sarah | 8:42 PM ET | 07-29-2008

2nd try @ commenting:

Dear L & L

Thank you for bringing us into your private space (I can help with the laundry). I've been reflecting over your last several posts, how we are so much more than these bodies, upon which we depend. As you evolve through this experience, you shine through so brightly. If I were to visit you today, I would see the man you are without being distracted with who you were. Thank you for holding up the mirror, you look great!

Sent by Joan S. | 8:42 PM ET | 07-29-2008

Ah, it does feel good to feel squeaky clean. I know I went through tons of towels, made those water puddles etc. when I had to give myself a "sponge bath" in the hospital; and all that while being tethered to the IV. And a pain to put back on those hospital gowns! Brings back memories!

Sent by Dorothy - Los Angeles | 9:07 PM ET | 07-29-2008

Leroy and Laurie - lifting you up in prayer.......normal feels so good.......I know I'm so grateful to feel "normal" and be on vacation with my husband and be cooking and putzing around our lake home - as opposed to having him or others caring for me, as they were this time last year!!
Here's to a normal evening for both of you!

Sent by Ruth Chermok | 9:30 PM ET | 07-29-2008

Leroy:

Nothing like a nice shower. It seems like such a normal thing, but my Mother tells of taking baths in a metal tub every few days because it was so much work heating water on the wood stove. She was always "second" in the water as her sister was older and did a lot of the water carrying.

Glad you are still able to clean up as I know it helps you feel better. Lots of love to you and Laurie tonight.

Nikki

Sent by Nikki In Kansas | 11:11 PM ET | 07-29-2008

Every day that you can get up, cleaned up, and greet the world is one more day that you hold the upper hand against the beast.

Normal is what we make it to be. It changes with the times.

Thinking of you and Laurie throughout the day.

Sent by Marie in Minneapolis | 12:08 AM ET | 07-30-2008

Dear Clean Leroy,

It is,after all,the simple things in life that mean the most.

Love, laughter and a clean body.

love & peace,

susan
california

Sent by susan | 12:51 AM ET | 07-30-2008

Hi you two -

There is a certain comfort in the morning ritual isn't there?

Peace

Sent by tally | 1:43 AM ET | 07-30-2008

A friend of mine, who dressed to the nines every single day no matter what was going on that day, said she did it because it had such a positive psychological impact on her attitude. Dressing up for the day made her happy and she seemed to stay that way for the rest of the day. It was a powerful thing.

I think what you're describing is the same. It doesn't matter who is doing the dressing or the cleaning up for the day. What matters is how it makes you feel. Enjoy feeling clean!

Sent by Linnea | 6:57 AM ET | 07-30-2008

Hey Laurie, I hope that the donut you ate was good, good and warm. Cold donuts just don't get it. I don't know your preference but Krispy Kremes are pretty good. I am deliberately not talking about the C word today.
Think that Leroy might also like a couple. I say a couple because I don't know if one can eat just one donut.
Both of you. Do what you need to and want to to keep going. Let the guilt and shame just go right on out the door.After all, there are pretty things that are more worthy of those two things. Don't get hooked on the stupid things in life. You deserve all the wonderful things in life.
Kids books are also a good way to escape the trauma of life for a little while anyway.
Enjoy.

Sent by Wildjean Hughes | 12:14 PM ET | 07-30-2008

Dear Leroy,
It breaks my heart that you keep trying to be something that you are not; that you keep trying to live life like it used to be.
To accept things as they are is NOT to accept defeat, but to work intelligently with What Is.
My prayer for you is to accept what is and to find the most peaceful and happy way to live it.
And sweets are not "wrong" or "bad." We are hard-wired for them. Unfortunately for us, technology outstripped evolution and we now have access to way more sweets than we can process.
My time has not come yet. But it will. I thank you for the awesome guidance you are giving me.

Namaste,
Sky

Sent by Sky Song Mitchell | 10:28 PM ET | 07-31-2008

Leroy, I remember my husband's last shave. It was given to him in the hospital by our son, age 21. My husband held his chin up with dignity. The son performed the chore respectfully. I remember thinking it was a sacred moment between father and son.

The whiskers remain in the electric shaver to this day, 2 yrs. later.

Sent by Marilyn | 1:30 PM ET | 08-01-2008